BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

When it comes to American holidays, they don't get much more politically incorrect than Columbus Day (with the possible exception of Short-Change an Armenian Day):

("Greetings!  We bring you religion and smallpox, which are essentially interchangeable.")

Columbus Day falls this Monday, October 14th, and I will not be blogging that day, and if you don't like it then you're prejudiced against Italians, which is disgusting, especially in this day and age.

Now, Armenians on the other hand...

Anyway, I'll be back on Tuesday, October 15th with regular updates.

Meanwhile, yesterday I managed to shoehorn a lunchtime bicycle cycling ride into my busy day of blogging and napping, and in so doing I used this lovely trail in Van Cortlandt Park which funnels you right out of the city and into Westchester County:

This is a real rarity in New York City: an unpaved path that is actually open to bicycles.  However, there's a plan afoot by the Parks Department to widen and pave it, which involves taking out trees and all the rest of it.  (Not to mention, like, putting asphalt under your tires.)  Sadly, the All-Powerful Bike Lobby™ in New York City supports this plan, because evidently they think this is too difficult for cyclists to ride or something.  I'm not sure what their metric for difficulty is, though I suspect it involves sending David Byrne out on the route, and if he finds it in any way inconvenient or gets a speck of dirt on his white linen suit then they move to pave it.  (I mean, my three-year old is able to ride his bike on this path, but admittedly he did inherit my incredibly awesome cycling genes.)

Now, of course I photographed the nicest section of the trail to make my case because it's my own blog and you know where you can stick your objectivity (hint: your butt).  Yes, the trail definitely needs maintenance, but it seems to me the obvious course of action here would be to cover the path with crushed gravel, and I'm sure the bicycle industry would be willing to fund that because then they could sell New Yorkers the gravel-specific bicycles they would need in order traverse it.

Anyway, it would be nice if the All-Powerful Bike Lobby™would stick to the streets and leave the woods for the animals and stuff.  

In other All-Powerful Bike Lobby™news, Leroy and others have informed me that the shitshow that is Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn has now been designated the borough's first "Bike-Friendly Business District:"

The district is the result of a collaboration between the Atlantic Avenue Business Improvement District, a pro-business group, and the bike advocacy organization Transportation Alternatives, which says that despite the lack of a bike right-of-way, the traffic the commercial strip gets from side street cycling routes made the choice a no-brainer.

No-brainer?  A bunch of douchey stores drowning in the biggest car traffic swamp in Brooklyn makes for a "Bike-Friendly Business District?" The Subarus descending on the Trader Joe's alone are enough to make you give up bikes and say "Fuck it, I'm leasing a Hyundai."  But, assuming you survive, there will be discounts!

So far, more than 60 businesses have signed up, including restaurants, clothing stores, toy shops, law firms, bakeries, salons, and delis. Participating shops will offer perks such as five to 20-percent discounts for helmet-carrying customers, free road rules pamphlets, and trainings for bike delivery workers, and some are petitioning for more bike parking.

Firstly, what stops just any schmuck from walking in with the helment he keeps in the trunk of his car?  (I can imagine a cottage industry of gentrifiers renting their smelly Bern helments for a buck a pop to people looking to save 20 percent on FLOR modular carpet tiles and whatever else they sell around there.)  Secondly, if you need to wear a helment how bike-friendly can it be in the first place?

But just when I'm about to go all David Byrne and completely renounce this city, it does something beautiful to regain my faith:

As you may or may not know, the artist Banksy is "installing" pieces all over New York City.  Most seem to have appeared in the gentri-verse, but he recently did one in East New York, and some enterprising residents want $20 from you to see it or fuck you.

Here's another video, and for $20 you get a great shot of your bike for Fixed Gear Gallery:

Not surprisingly, the New York Post thinks they're "jerks:"

Though I say they deserve every cent.  Not only are they enhancing the artist's commentary on society and media and street art and blahblahblah, but it seems to me that East New York doesn't exactly get to experience the tourist indusrty windfall the rest of the city does so now that they have a bona fide tourist traction they should be able to capitalize on it.

I also think they should be hired to work the door at MoMA to restore some of that edginess David Byrne misses so much.

Lastly, speaking of cycling genes (I mentioned them earlier), I officially have no more cycling jeans since my Rapha ones died of a hole in the scranus:

So basically, given the cost, it makes more sense to just wear regular jeans.

Who would have thought?

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right great, and if you're wrong pathetic and you'll see a magpie attack.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and I'll see you on Tuesday.


--Wildcat Rock Machine

("Who farted?")

1) David Byrne says New York City smells like:

--Sex
--Crotch
--Smugness
--New car

(Hipster.)

2) What is a "Hobo Bootleg?"

--A new Banksy piece
--A fake hobo
--A sex act in which a homeless person goes to the bathroom in your shoe
--A gravel bike for assholes

(Subway spokesman Jared Fogle displays a pair of Robs' Fords' pants.)

3) Robs Fords claims his erratic behavior is not due to crack use; rather, it's due to the extreme hunger he's experiencing as he attempts to adhere to the so-called "Subway Diet."

--True
--False

(De Blasio denies allegations of excessive wanking and claims the poor ergonomics of his levers have left him with a condition known as "shifter's claw.")

4) New York City mayoral candidate Bill de Blasio will not be commuting to work via bicycle because:

--He does not know how to ride a bike
--He prefers his Segway
--He rode a bike once in Montana and that was enough
--He does not own a dedicated gravel bike

5) New York City's bicycle infrastructure is actually an elaborate hoax.

--True
--False

(Brunelle using a cargo bike to portage his ego.)

6) Which of the following is not an actual Lucas Brunelle quote?

--"Yes. Every seat I have is as sharp as a razor, so you always play to roll."
--"I'm always scared—even if I'm going to the coffee shop I'm scared. You never know—the Lord has your number."
--"I love cars. Fuck bike advocacy."
--"I'm a two-wheeled surfer hanging ten on the traffic wave.  Or hanging eleven if you count my boner for myself."

7) Water Fred (aka "Pontoon Weenie") has announced that he will bicycle via water from New York City to Galway, Ireland.

--True
--False

***Special "Suck It Up And Be A Good Little Cyclist"-Themed Bonus Video***