Thursday, October 10, 2013

Fred Tectonics: Continental Draft

In 1971, back when New York City still stood for something in David Byrne's opinion, filmgoers met a detective named John Shaft:


It was a sensation:

The film was one of only three profitable movies that year for MGM, grossing what Time magazine called an "astonishing" $13 million on a budget of $500,000.[1] It not only spawned several years of "blaxploitation" action films, it earned enough money to save then-struggling MGM from bankruptcy.[6]

Three years later, they were all like "What do we do with Shaft now?," so they sent him to Africa with less than spectacular results:

Shaft in Africa, released in 1973, is the third film in the blaxploitation trilogy of films that starred actor Richard Roundtree as John Shaft. John Guillermin directed and Stirling Silliphant did the screenplay.[3] The cost went up to $2,142,000, but the gross fell to $1,458,000. MGM quickly sold the property to television, but the television series was cancelled after just seven episodes.

40 years later, Lucas Brunelle is following in Shaft's footsteps with "Lucas Brunelle Goes To Africa:"

 
Lucas Brunelle goes to Africa from Cinelli Official on Vimeo.

So who's Lucas Brunelle?  Well, let's answer that question with a question:

Q: Who's the IT company owner with the cameras on his head who's a Fred machine to all the fakengers?

A: Brunelle!

You're damn right.

Also, they say that Fred Brunelle is the world's most annoying roadie.

Shut your mouth!

And so forth.

Anyway, Brunelle explains that "filming this was a complete paradigm change for me," since his usual modus operandi is to drop down from Massachusetts and "slum it" here in New York City, where he makes movies of people riding stupidly in exchange for spoke cards:


So naturally he and his cohorts experienced a bit of culture shock when they arrived in Africa, though they did pack their erections:


"We had a hard-on for going as fast as we could because we love speed."

Yeah, save it, camerahead.  You're riding a freaking bicycle.

Anyway, even though there was nothing but miles of open road, Brunelle couldn't help skidding and weaving through invisible cars:


"It was funny 'cause I'm actually finding myself skidding out and making all these different maneuvers because, you know, I'm kind of needing that stimulation of the urban environment."

First of all, why is he experiencing such intense "urban withdrawal?"  Isn't he from Nantucket or something?  Second, riding in an "urban environment" just isn't that big of a deal anyway.  It's only a big deal if you make it one by riding straight at the cars and then turning at the last second, which is what he likes do to.  Third, missing city traffic while riding across Africa just seems depressing, like that guy who was all excited that his car smells like a restaurant.

But Bunelle's hard-on eventually fades and he succumbs to the beauty of his surroundings--until a heat-induced hallucination compels them all to clear the world's biggest and most pointless cyclocross obstacle by shouldering their bikes and "portaging" them over a gigantic sand dune:


"I immediately had this vision and I said, 'We're going to ride that dune.'"

I immediately had a vision of a chamois full of sand.



"We're going to do this in a way that nobody has ever done it before, and it's going to be rad."

"Whatever," says this guy:


Eventually they trudge their way to the top, where this guy celebrates with a mighty "meow:"


"Meeeoooowww!"

I'm completely serious, he totally meowed like cat in heat.

Then they ride circles around some dead shit for awhile:


After which they comb the desert for awhile, looking for a point to all this:


They do not find one.

Finally, they hit Cape Town where they experience "sensory overload," and clearly they missed cars, trucks, buses, and other Things That Go because they can't stop touching them:


They're so excited that they get to run red lights again that they pretend to be birds while they do it:


However, they didn't read the part in the Lonely Planet guide where it says they drive on the other side of the road there:


I guess making your ride difficult for no reason is what Brunelle means when he says "every seat I have is as sharp as a razor, so you always play to roll:"


I wonder if he also ever takes a dump with the toilet seat up, just because.

Oh, don't forget to touch the cars!



Seriously, what is with the touching?  Does it tie in to the meowing somehow?  Do these people have glands in their paws and they're leaving their scent everywhere so they don't get lost?


Or did they accidentally leave their luggage on the bus and they're trying to get it back?



Anyway, an ordinary person would be tired by now, but Brunelle's saddle is so razor sharp that he wants "more adventure" and so he goes to Johannesburg:


"In the horizon I saw nuclear towers:"

Yeah, if you read the comments on the video, they're not actually nuclear towers:

Dean Sheard 
Not Nuclear towers, the cooling towers for an old coal fired power station.

Clearly Brunelle knows more about lane-splitting than atom-splitting, and I don't mean that as an insult because I would have assumed it was a nuclear power plant too.  (I also would have pronounced it "nucular.")

The point is, Brunelle thinks this place is totally radioactive, and so being the thrill-seeking guy with a razor under his ass that he is he goes INTO THE REACTORRR!!!



Well, that's not entirely true.  Actually, he makes this poor guy take him INTO THE REACTORRR!!!, sending him through what for all he knows is toxic sludge:


Presumably Brunelle hopes the radioactivity will transform him into a superhero called AlleyCat Man, and his poor tour guide will be forced to become his sidekick.

All of this, it should be said, is supposed to make us want to buy a Cinelli Hobo Bootleg for some reason:


So what the hell is a Cinelli Hobo Bootleg anyway?  I went to the Cinelli site to find out:

Cinelli Bootleg is a project inspired by Irozen Aldo “Rock” Calandro. A Line of wicked, black, reflective bikes, for a new species of riders. Bootleg is an experiment in continuous evolution: it learns from mistakes, it adapts to new conditions, it’s a research through the streets of the planet, into the history, among people with passion for bicycles, for those who think, build and live bikes.

Okay, I think I get it.  It's basically a gravel bike for assholes.

Speaking of assholes, a reader tells me Toronto Mayors Robs Fords is now shouting about subways:



I assume he was sending a lackey to go get him three Five Dollar Footlongs.

119 comments:

DB said...

Ha! Take that Retrogrouch

Herschel Raney said...

Nice.

Anonymous said...

BAM

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Back in the tep ton!

Tal F said...

Podium

RANTWICK said...

Long port, yay! Can't wait to read it. Top 10?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

top tens

RANTWICK said...

post, not port.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

DB... some fred threw me off course...

...hats off to you, sir.

limeymunchkin said...

yo top ten

Matty Hammers said...

Top score for the Carnivore!

Flyover Bike commuter said...

Finishing at Fred Yeeeehaaaw speed!! (that's woowhoo speed for you bicoastal folks)

limeymunchkin said...

maybe not

P. Bateman said...

could have placed higher but actually read this darn blogging entery.

RANTWICK said...

I heard somewhere recently that Robs Fords popularity is currently rising. Torontonians, wake the fuck up, please!

Hey! Wanna watch me Bike Twerk?

Comment deleted said...

I believe the touching thing is known as "counting coup" to "First Nation" Freds.

g. said...

"We ain't found shit!"
Man I hope that douchebag has a Canadian passport he uses to travel with. We 'merCans got enough troubles without pissing off African nations too.

Anonymous said...

In my opinion, this Brunelle guy is an idiot. I would absolutely yell at him to smarten the fuck up as part of my commute.

Comment deleted said...

It's also known as "inappropriate touching" to priestly Freds.

leroy said...

Note to Mr. Brunelle --

Paradigm change is only twenty cents.

But still twenty cents more than the value of his thoughts.

Anonymous said...

I live bike

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...damn it! all these years of riding though the streets of the planet doing research... and i didn't even put it on my resume.

mikeweb said...

Has Lucas paid a visit to the dentist yet to fix his fucked up teeth

USET BRSH

McFly said...

Lick it asshole.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Daft in Africa.

Yarpo said...

Ha! Was too busy reading yesterday's comments! I'll never get a contract with a team for next year with that kind of finish and I'll be out of work like Gorka Verdugo and Michele Scarponi.

Holy Meh!

Tip of the Hat to DB, Herschel Raney, and Anon 12:37pm, FOR PAYING GAWDDAMN ATTENTION!!!!

crosspalms said...

Cinelli Hooboy, more like it. Or Hooey.

P. Bateman said...

Snob, please stop torturing us with Brunelle videos.

I would rather watch this lady rap about 1000 times than hear that schmuck talk about riding through trees.

helps if you find the version that has the lyrics....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCJ4KfePYQU

Anonymous said...

WCRM-
Excellent work on the Locust Bruisedheel contraption. Whatta jerk. I have seen some surf adventure vids that were similar in many respects. I assume all sports have their equivalents.

Sincerely, EPIC BRTO

JamMasterCray said...

Reaktor touch desert combover fredtadizm.

125 ficifewb

ChamoisJuice said...

I feel like it is my duty as someone who is not completely distanced from youth culture to fill you in on the current slang.

Teletubby = helmet cam dork.

You are welcome.

Cipo's Paradigm said...

Not a gravel bike, per the vid it must be a sand bike, which when mated with a ride on water bike becomes the latest "must have" mode of transportation. On plus side, using one would decrease your odds of being run over by an Escalade.

Riding so fast they got a hard-on. So what term is used when women ride so fast? I can't imagine they think of it as being "hard-on"fast. Head-on a hard-on maybe?

Love it when people drop the "paradigm change" line. Look at me, I'm so sophisticated, I use big words. Leroy's dog probably uses it when he takes a dump in Leroy's riding shoes instead of going outside.

Flyover bike commuter said...

Are the majority of big city folks pure consumers who are addicted to sensory overload? Do ya'll go into withdrawals when you're away from movie theatres, cable t.v., dense concentrations of tall buildings, hoards of people, and the smell of pizza and pretzels (or piss and vomit)?

Just wondering?

leroy said...

My dog suggests a different soundtrack for Mr. Brunelle's vacation video.

Alternate Brunelle Soundtrack

I'm not sure it helps much.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

1980 Dakar Rally

Thanks Bikesnobnyc I learn something interesting yet completely useless here everyday.

Of the four Vespas that started the race two finished. Thats 50%

Of the other 211 vehicles only 79 completed the run. Thats 37%

Flyover BC said...


I think they are counting coupes...

sedans and buses.

Yarpo said...

Razor-sharp seats...the thought makes my scranus itch and I am not fond of having an itchy scranus, or a sliced scranus, or a scalloped scranus from bouncing up and down on bumpy rides...does this Brunelle-Fuckstick also sleep on a bed of nails?

How is riding like a complete asshole AND an idiot supposed to be life-affirming? Brunelle claims to have broken into Walter Cronkites' bowling alley as a punk kid. For that alone, I will never forgive him. Not for Uncle Walter.

ge said...

I always appreciate the WCRM synopsis so I don't have to experience the douchery first hand. Based on the few times I've made the mistake of watching, it's always better than the video. Mistake made. Again.

He's lucky he had a local tour guide in Joburg or he wouldn't have survived the layover. Imagine the video of an alleycat interrupted by him getting shot and then sliding under a bus. Seriously duder, why's everything have to compare to your urban-douche so-called reality?

the Jimboner said...

Yeah my 8 year old daughter walked up that sand dune last year but she was smart enough not to take her fred chariot with her.

Anonymous said...

My sincere hope is that Brunelle finds someone willing to copulate with him and she has triplets. That should prevent him from ever having time to film himself engaged in such pointless 'rad' situations again.

Maybe I'm just getting old, but young people seem to put so much importance on things that are really just super not important.

Fredly '69 said...

These duded tried to ride vespas through the Fish River Canyon back in '68.



https://www.gomag.co.za/destinations/fish-river-vespa/

balls™ said...

I really hope camera-head-fred sees today's post. Anyone that takes themselves that seriously needs to stop. He is NOT some kind of bike-powered Jack Kerouac.

He probably gets a hard-on listening to his own voice.

mikeweb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the Jimboner said...

ReallY??
I hadn't watched the video before my last comment I just recognized the dunes from the photos.
I can't believe those ass-wads douched up Sossusvlei on their bikes. It was one of the most serene places I have ever visited.
I am going hunt down Brunelle and cunt punt his sorry scrotum.

McFly said...

Awesome. Dopple-ganger top 25

"Yes sir...they are literally combing the desert as we speak."

ChamoisJuice said...

I have been to Africa, and I rode a bike there. I don't really have that good of stories, but I will tell them anyways.

I filmed myself bunnyhopping over a gigantic pile of elephant crap. Bikes cost $35, and you buy them in the supermarket. They come with full fenders, full chain guard, built in lock, rack. There is one size. Kids ride adult bikes IN THE FRAME, ie. their torso is to the left of the top tube. They are still better at wheelies than most "enthusiast" roadies.

This Nas song was like the national anthem. I was pleased that my stunted suburban musical tastes allowed me to relate with the locals.
Nas - I Can

The headmaster of the school by brother was in peace corps at, took us out to dinner. Place served boiled chicken with ugali, flour and water paste. The headmaster "You look like you like to drink beer" I do. "Let us get a case, and see who can drink more" BIGS MILE. I passed on the challenge.

Masi Mara ARE HELLA COOL! Probably the most successful hunter/gatherer culture left in Africa. They have remained successful, and held onto their language and traditions. Basically, women take care of the village.
Boys herd the goats. Little 8 year old guys, 20 miles from nowhere, with lions and hyenas everywhere, protecting their 40 goats with a walking stick, a club, and a spear. All men carry the walking stick, club and spear.
In order to become a man, you must kill a lion (SERIOUSLY!) by yourself, with only the spear, club, walking stick. Once you have done this, you are a warrior, and you don't have to do shit. Except pound to poon, and occasionally go hunting. They also get really badass face paint, stretched earlobes, and jewelry. If you are too pussy to kill a lion, you are considered a woman, and don't get to mate.
If you make it to 30, you are a wise man. And don't have to hunt any more.

youcancallmeAl said...

My god, how are you ever going to top this one???

Anonymous said...

@MikeWeb,

Didn't know he is 42, never watched any of his videos till today, and then only non-enlarged on my small laptop screen. By the way he talks about the world i though he was in his twenties.

DB said...

I have never heard of Brunelle before and I wish that it remained so.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I don't want to own a bike that learns from its mistakes and adapts to new conditions, even if it is a Cinelli. My bike is not a sentient being.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

7 minutes of intense Douche Chills

paulb said...

Sorry to be a tudge but Shaft was an A movie directed by Gordon Parks. No kind of exploitation.

A common error.

ChamoisJuice said...

Also, in North East Africa, where it's more Muslim, it was common hear people yell "USA! Where is Osama Bin Laden? You cannot find him!" And laugh.

These people are extremely cheap. I learned how bargain better. Basically, you just cluck your tongue, and shake your head. "eh, eh, eh, eh, eh" It's quite effective.

wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, that's what she said...

Roille Figners said...

Hey balls(tm) -- Yeah and even if he were, KEROUAC ALREADY DID IT.

I believe the Cinelli Hobo Bootleg is made of a material called Marketing. Nike has been making shoes out of it for years.

And Lucas, when they call a saddle an "ass-hatchet" it's A) not a compliment, and B) not literally true in the sharpness sense.

Agent Deckard said...

J. F. Sebastian.

Roille Figners said...

Also, what does "play to roll" mean and what does it have to do with saddle sharpness? Sorry, guess I am likewise out of touch with the youthful (i.e. 42-year-old) lingo. I can however tell you the meaning of the terms "presbyopia" and "dignity" as in "I have a certain unflappable dignity about my presbyopia."

CommieCanuck said...

Rob Ford is promoting subways because subway riding makes it more difficult for the police to follow you by airplane while you are scoring crack.

CommieCanuck said...

Also, in North East Africa, where it's more Muslim, it was common hear people yell "USA! Where is Osama Bin Laden? You cannot find him!" And laugh.

It a regional colloquialism. For example, if we met in Canada, I would shout, "Hey CJ, go fuck yourself", which would not mean what it sounded like*.





*actually yes, yes it would.

Anonymous said...

I thought the Masi Mara was a new frameset?
The Masai Mara is a game reserve and the general name of an indigenous people in Kenya.

Then again, I've never been to Africa and I don't talk out of my ass like some folks, so what do I know?

ge said...

Oh well, he didn't use any Die Antwoord for his Joburg ride. That would only be acceptable if he got some Joburg justice served.

Anonymous said...

And, since we're calling bullshit, "Maasai Association does not support lion hunt."
When you make some shit up, do a bit more research than old National Geographics. Maybe start
here

McFly said...

That silhouette looks like Princess Leia and Shrek had a bastard love child.

ChamoisJuice said...

Oh for christ sake, I can't speel.

Africa in general is a shit show. There are long tribal feuds. Combined with Catholic missionaries destroying local traditions. Anglo colonialism. Most tribes barely hang onto a semblance of their traditions. For instance, the Kikuyu tribe, is essentially known for their cheapness, and not much else. Jokes that would have Chinaman or Jew as the punchline, have Kikuyus in Africa.

Most all tribes in Africa have given up their traditional lifestyles, choosing instead to move to the big cities, to make "a better life" for themselves in shanty towns made of cardboard. I don't even want to get into the HIV/AIDS epidemic, and Catholicism's ABSURD attitudes towards sex that exacerbate the problem.

The main form of transit in Africa is 1. foot 2. bike 3. matatu, or minivan buses. These are little Toyota mini vans. They fit as many people inside/outside/ontop/sitting on the bumpers as humanely possible. The biggest cause of death is matatu crashes. Of course, Matatu drivers drive like maniacs.
When I visited, they had recently passed a law, that limited Matatus to 18 passengers. This is a minivan, designed for 7. This law cut road fatalities IN HALF! I personally think, it didn't cut down on crashes, rather, there are just half as many people in the minivans when they crash now.
Anyways, this new law, created transit problems. They didn't add more Mutatus to make up for the extra ridership. So lots of people hitchhike.

I picked up quite a few. They would always just have one little guy stand in the road. When you pull over, the other 5 pop out from behind a tree. "Ummm, not enough room in this little car" THERE IS ROOM, WE WILL FIT!

I have some funny pictures of 6 maasaaaaaiiiiii warriors crammed in the back of the shitty RAV4 rental. Good mother fucking times bumping the Wu with those doods. They all bragged about how many goats they had, and how many wives they had. They gave me some beaded jewelery.

Anonymous said...

You know the score; if you're not cop, you're little people.
Garbage barge!

JB said...

CJ typed: "Kids ride adult bikes IN THE FRAME, ie. [sic] their torso is to the left of the top tube. They are still better at wheelies than most "enthusiast" roadies."

Bullshit. No kid could provide the acceleration necessary to wheelie with their center of gravity at or below the top tube and in front of the seat tube.

Dooth said...

An invitation to ride from Lucas Brunelle: Let's go out for a ride and touch some cars! Woo hoo! Yeah!
Touch them cars, touch 'em...feel that cold metal slide through your fingers...hard-ons all around!

dnk said...

Dear Leroy,

Your dog's suggested Alternate Brunelle Soundtrack isn't bad.

Although I would be inclined to say that Toto's classic mega-hit "Africa" works better at the social-cultural level of the filmmaker/bikers' endeavor.

But I don't want to argue with your dog. Nor do I know exactly what I mean by "social-cultural level."

Anonymous said...

Sausage fest today, where is Babble?

ChamoisJuice said...

JB, I know, I know, pics or it didn't happen.

African kid IN THE BIKE
I could not find a pic in 2 minutes of a kid doing a pop a wheelie.

You will have to talk my word. You can see how they have their center of gravity behind the seat tube. They just lean back super hard, and pedal super hard to get the front end up. The leg that is wrapping around the seat-tube gets bent all wonky, but they make it work.
I don't think I saw a kid hold one up for more than maybe 3 parking spaces, and they always veer off the direction their body is offset the frame.

I figure the average roadie cannot hold up a wheelie for 3 parking spaces.

The new colonial overlords said...

If there is anything worse than Brunelle making a dick of himself on camera - I really can't believe he didn't get himself shot by a Cape Town or Guateng driver expecting that someone touching their car was about to carjack them - it is CJ bloviating about his world view. Kenya is not the whole of Africa, mate, and Teletubbies did not have cameras on their heads.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe how folks rag on CJ. What kicked that off? How far back in the archives do you have to read to find the justification for it all? It's not like he's the douchiest commenster or anything?

McFly said...

Awesome Major Taylor baby pics, CJ. Again..awesome.

WHAT'S IN THE BUCKET? Fish heads.

Roille Figners said...

Anon 4:11 - Every loosely-bound group needs an "other" to persecute, and even the ones bound by blood or common interest usually manage to find a "black sheep" which if you think about it, is the same old "enemy within." Also see "McCarthy Hearings," "Stalin's Great Purges," "Third Reich,"(*) "War On Terror."

(*) GODWIN'S LAW

g. said...

Rollie,
It certainly helps that he's a smarmy shit, too.

Roille Figners said...

LOL

g. said...

You know, this is the first time I ever noticed it's Roille Figners. I just looked at the avatar and went with the "Rollie". Sorry about that.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I assume that Brunell was skitching on at least some of those vehicles because otherwise the concept of copping a feel on a moving hunk of iron is lost on me.

ChamoisJuice said...

Leroy,

My guess would be drinking water...

I imagine all you edumacated city folks have already seen the TED talk about the African kid who builds a windmill wells out of old fucked up bikes.... pretty inspirational story, and he has a very funny accent.

http://www.ted.com/talks/william_kamkwamba_how_i_harnessed_the_wind.html

Anon 4:11 said...

Smarmy sh1t = circular argument. "He's a smarmy sh1t cause his stories are bullsh1t cause he's a smarmy sh1t." Break that cycle: no he's not and no they're not so no he's not. Done.
Needing someone to pick on makes more sense. Just lucky that CJ seems to have the backbone, balls an scranus to take it. (And good on him he seems to enjoy raising hackles with what he presumably knows are true stories).

ChamoisJuice said...

shit, I meant, McFly, in reference to what's in the bucket on the african kid's bike.

Here are some insensitive jokes about funny african accents, BUT IT'S OK TO LAUGH, because they are told by another minority.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtJozAbC5SY

Anonymous said...

Snobby?
Did you catch Law and Order SVU last night? I think I saw a city bike riding being ridden on the sidewalk in front of the main actors in a scene. Was the director trying to tell us something?

Africa??? said...

CJ: "Africa in general is a shit show." CJ, have you checked out what has been going on in Washington DC the last few days. Talk about a shit show.

Anonymous said...

So, CJ, didn't YOU realize that YOU were a minority in Africa, or are you hopelessly, pathologically bigoted?
I swear,I'll fuck you up the ass someday if we ever meet.

g. said...

Not really. Roille said we have to have someone to pick on, CJ is it and I said he's a smarmy shit, also. That's what the "too" meant.

Hendrik Witbooi said...

Brunelle has a special place reserved for him in hell. Seated at an endless Seven Mary Three concert between Cipo and Phil Collins whom he must jack-off for eternity.

Voodoo Doctor said...

Yes! Big black cock will cure CJ of his racial ignorance.

Mandingo said...

It's only a stereotype if it isn't true.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

I kind of feel that Babble is missing a trick here.

Anonymous said...

just read today and wednesdays bloggings.....yikes snobber!!!, there are still bike messengers and courier companys in nyc....lots of them

sorry a blue collar job's aesthetic was usurped by the brooklyn masses...

your misguided abhorrence is somewhat Byrnesque.....you and David both have a false concept of the modern incarnation of something you were a part of in the past....

you're losing the plot..........

wishiwasmerckx said...

Africa???, funnt you should mention that because Jon Stewart has labelled this as the "Shutstorm."

wishiwasmerckx said...

Africa???, funny you should mention that because Jon Stewart has labelled this as the "Shutstorm."

Anonymous said...

CJ stay juicy brah.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 6:34pm,

It's not meant to be taken literally, it refers to any manufacturers of dairy products.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

PS: There never was a plot.

Recumbabe said...

Draw me like one of your French girls.....

ce said...

doucheploitation

ce said...

Africa???, I seem to recall reading something about the crisis over in Ameristan (spelling?) that you mention . Oh look, here is the article. I'm somewhat of self made expert in obscure geopolitics.

Mr Nofish said...

"What's the craziest stunt you've pulled?
In Miami, we rode on I-95 for 2 miles, and crossed three lanes of traffic. The cars were coming behind us at 60 or 70 miles an hour. When you're riding like that, the endorphins create this heightened sense of awareness."

I rode on highways for more than that (have Strava proof) and didn't even get miserable kudos for it (on the upside, it's fucking boring).

It's obvious I'm doing it all wrong so I'm going out right now to order a much needed gravel bike for assholes.

Mr Nofish said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mikey Dred said...

Hundred

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Wisconsin is the only state in the union where you have to get a license to make cheese.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Cheese License

babble on said...

Sorry I'm late!

Er... I mean Meow! Or is it Moo? Lots of crazy tunes going round today, but only one of them made me stop to say... Nice porn-track, Rantwerk!

Square Tapir said...

Marketing copy that uses the word "planet" to refer to the world is a sure sign of douchey bullshit.

I saw cooling towers like those in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe, also thinking at first that they were nuclear, which would be strange for such an economic mess. Some of the bikes that I saw there had foam pipe insulation filling tires instead inner tubes.

If they ever get rid of Mugabe they might do pretty well compared to other African countries.

boulder seeds said...

I thought all gravel bikes were for assholes?

Anonymous said...

Nice video. Also not 'fossilised' trees in an old seabed. Trees dont much like growing in salt water and they didnt look like they were made of rock to me. More accurately known as 'dead' trees in a (possibly) salinised or just dried out claypan. Anyway it looks very pretty in Africa!

Anonymous said...

Hey snob,

i got this brooks newspaper shit in the mail today. In it is a photo of the back of your head (they say). What is up with that shit?

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ce said...

While Brunelle was bumbling around a coal fired power plant rather than a nuclear power plant, I would like to reassure you that his metamorphosis into AlleyCat Man is now well under way. During normal operations (non Fukushima), for a given amount of power generation, coal fired plants actually contaminate the surrounding environment with much more radiation than nuclear plants.

I live in a coal mining town and down the road we have a coal fired plant complete with the Springfieldesque cooling towers. It is funny because to reassure passersby they have put a big billboard up on the highway out the front of the power plant with a picture of the cooling towers venting a big white cloud, as they do, with the wording "Water Vapor". Yeah, that is true, the cooling towers only emit water vapour, it's the other tall thin smoke stacks next to the cooling towers that emit the unhealthy shit that is only really visible when an atmospheric inversion layer traps a blanket of the stuff over the landscape. It's hard to see because it is burnt so efficiently that only tiny particles are left over... the tiny particles that are more able to get deep, deep into your lungs.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

CE,

...then you wear a mask when you bicycle cycle?

if not, you should at least wear a helment...

BamaPhred said...

I just noticed that the title of the post was ... Continental DRAFT...

When I first looked I thought it was ..Continental DAFT...

And thought it was pretty good..

babble on said...

Fuck. Cyclist down. A woman was electrocuted by falling power-lines at Seventh and Main just now. :(

JB said...

RIP. At least it wasn't car-related?

Victhor Viking said...

Carnivore FTW! Classic cut!

ce said...

Serial Retrogrouch, I'm not particularly worried, I just think the misconceptions are funny. Speaking of misconceptions, the latest research suggest that low level radiation exposure isn't as bad as they used to think. They were trying to work out why Chernobyl didn't cause the expected levels of ill health across Europe after all these years. It turns out that only acute radiation poisoning was properly observed and measured (back when there were plenty of unfortunate examples to study) and that the low level estimates were a linear extrapolation of that research. Turns out that the assumed linear trend may not hold true at the bottom end of the scale. Helmets on the other hand... always helmets, don't question helmets.

Africansingle said...

Excuse my language, but that Lucas Brunelle is a silly little cunt.

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NoNeedForAName said...

@Africansingle: LOL. Such little words fr a little thing. Hey, how badly did Lucas cry when read your comment? Did he curl into the foetal position, moaning how he'll never ride again?

Now go ride your bike... & stick to the sidewalk/pavement, idjit. :-D