Brooklyn, USA, January 30th, 2012 -- On the eve of the return to his widely read bicycle cycling blog after a week-long hiatus, the blogger BikeSnobNYC (also known as "Wildcat Rock Machine") fell victim to the stomach flu.
The blogger acquired the illness from his young son, most likely while engaged in the questionable practice of handling vomit while not wearing a helment, and spent much of yesterday evening regurgitating Tibetan food.
"I feel like I just finished a Single Speed World Championship," said the bedridden blogger, "apart from the fact that I'm currently wearing pants."
"Scranus," he then added before rolling over and groaning.
In addition to curating, cultivating, manhandling, and otherwise molesting the BikeSnobNYC blog, BikeSnobNYC is also the author of the book "Bike Snob," the forthcoming book "The Enlightened Cyclist," and also, under the pseudonym Wiley McRothstein, the popular instructional manual "How to Pick up Women at Hospitals and Funerals," now in its 216th printing and the winner of the 1987 Pulitzer Prize for general nonfiction.
BikeSnobNYC hopes to be able to return to his blog in earnest as soon as possible, and has already consumed an entire English muffin (top half and bottom half) with success.
Pending his return, BikeSnobNYC would like to share two (2) humorous videos. The first one is a trailer for an upcoming movie called "Peloton," which comes via Cycling Inquisition and which you may also have seen on the All Hail the Black Market webbing site:
Don't bother trying to fast-forward to the part where they finally start "doing it," because amazingly it isn't there.
The other is this hilarious video called "Shit Mussolini Says:"
Wow, the whole "Shit [Blanks] Say" thing never gets old.
With that, I return unto my private misery, but with any luck I hope to be back tomorrow in finer fettle. In the meantime, in lieu of flowers, please send any well-wishings in the form of a donation to your local Dachshund rescue society. Because all wiener dogs should have a loving home--and a bun.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
133 comments:
podium?
diarrhea
yee haw.
Wow. Welcome back!
Panties!
Panties!
Top 10!
Panties!
Yes, panties!
Welcome back. Hope you get to feeling better soon.
be a man....ride a bike.
I have been on anitbiotics until today.
End of the loose poops!
I can ride my bke again, but no Snob.
Life is hard at times.
Oh yeah,
Hope you feel better Wildcat Poop Machine.
Top Twenty.
Dood.
I hope you get the viral virus under control.
american flyers ,breaking away,and this
Now I have the runs too..
You must be sick.
That's just a regular olde tyme mussolini speech. No antics.
Feel better soon.
It was the tailwind...
Kids...
Hear ye! Hear ye!
diarEEugh panties!
Should have worn a helmet
Whole new slant to the old helment-no helment debate, eh?
Be well.
Here is some video of why hipsters think they need bottle opening on their bikes (near the end)http://www.pezcyclingnews.com/?pg=fullstory&id=10053
Il Duce was very convincing - I think he really did win the giro.
You got Yakpa from the tsampa.
Get well soon!
So Tibetan food looks and smells that similar to toddler vomit?
Better labeling seems to be in order then.
It's heart warming because one guy is black, and the other, white. United by their love for cycling. I demand you get well soon Mr Scranus.
Drink fresh-brewed green tea with a lemon squeeze and honey.
In England we just call them muffins.
Welcome almost back, get well soon and step awaaaay from the fermented Yak milk.
What does not kill you will only make you sicker.
Dude I hope you healment soon!
WTF! Check out the Mussolini autopsy. His face was beaten to a pulp!
Blogging is your doody.
perineum
balls.
Black guy wins cycling race? Must be science fiction.
Peloton looks to be unwatchable.
I would reconsider if guaranteed the redhead gets nekkid.
Welcome back and get well soon!
CHKN SOUP
PNCH NURS
FEEL BETR
stomach bugs are disgusting, feel better soon snob. Was just re-reading your bit about people who buy fancy bicycles and then are afraid to ride them. brilliant.
Dang, Peloton doesn't look cliche at all.
dude, my italian sucks, i didn't understand $hit he said
I was looking forward the giving Rosie Palms a break.
I figured you were dead.
Yak butter tea did the trick eh?
Just so you know, WCRM, we will require a doctors note.
Preferably from this guy.
Lots of fluids, Snobby. The plus side is you will catch up on your bathroom reading.
cycle
howdy doody
check out this load
http://starburst.hackerfriendly.com/?p=1728
Sucks to be sick. Hope you feel better soon. And welcome back!
Who put the last bullet in Mussolini?
300 Italian sharpshooters.
scranus
The good thing about kids is that once they get in school, they start collecting all new viruses (virii?) and cross-pollinating. All the immunities you are building up now are useless. The good news is, the hand-me-down illnesses (illini?) only last until around grade 5 or so. At that point, you can start getting your health back. Have a great day!
Fascist dictatorships are just naturally funny.
is that seriously a real feature film? it really looks like a farce.
...well, that's the shits...
...pinch those cheeks together & scurry down the hall (again) 'cuz everything is up "FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE'...
...get mo' betta soon, bsnyc/rtms/wildcat shitting machine...
Saw "Peloton" at a film festival last year. Made comment to wife about how actress was horrible. Didn't realize said actress was sitting behind us and overheard conversation. Whoops.
My understanding was that BSNYC always wrote his blog while still lying in bed... What's changed? A little vomit shouldn't stop him.
The Budnitz demands an apology for not giving instructions to make 'milquetoast' when illin.
The Budnitz also wants number one and number two back.
The Budnitz is not talking golden showers or Cleveland steamers in that last post.
Ha! That Mussolini is such a card. Such a card!
if you´ve got the runs, don´t, really don´t take the bus
DRIP SHTZ
BARF SNOB
...mussolini to his 'axis' pal hitler - "...adolph, baby...those enunciation & gesturing lessons i took from you are killer, dude...the paisanos are eatin' up that 'il duce' shit...i'm a fucking hit, bro !!!...ya, ya, like someday, if we can get that little jap bastard to fall in line, we can rule the world, huh ???...yo, 'dolph, i'll be in touch..."...
Skidmardks and barf stains is always a good look.....
hey nonny mouse
...'peloton' - straight to blue-ray with the speed of a blazing, well, cat 3/4 peloton...
Ralph
Make that Ralph-a.
Now you can charge $240 for it.
The Bikes Gone Wild guy is masturbating the peleton trailer.
Careful!
There could be cock-shells!
Or the cock shell shocks with mayo.
As a proud owner of a Spesh crabon bike I was happy to notice the familiar logo in the trailer a few times... and a few more times... and then all over the screen in the final shot!
However as a cinema-goer I'll probably pass on paying $10 to go see what looks like a commercial.
Masturbate is now the most winningest verb of all.
Let's all join in and give masturate it's do pleasure.
No charges are pending against the child. The Snob wasn't wearing a healment at the time of the accident and has been levied a fine for said infraction. In addition, he is being fined for hanging a diaper bag off his mop handle. As the Snob is laid up in bed, the child is pursuing a lawsuit for breach of contract for failing to provide agreed upon services and duties.
Anon 2:58
Are you masturating? Too funny
...anon 2:52 & 2:53pm...wow...'diarrhea' - to quote an 'esteemed' colleague...
...but you keep doing your best 'cuz we're all about 'creative' around here, even if you've got a long way to go...
...just sayin'...
Take care of your ring of fire wildcat skat maneuver.
Anon 2:54, A proud, yet anonymous owner. Awesome. The Ironic Spesh Crabon.
Yeah, Peloton definitely looks like a Sinyard joint.
And true to form, it really looks like he lifted not only the plot, but also the production design, from the 1989-90 season of this.
I didn't even realize you were gone!
SNOB SICK
ICKY FLU'
NASL DRIP
Torna a letto.
shit storm!
I have also fallen ill and have lost twenty pounds of water weight out my (drop a plumbing bob) end.
I feel like a human douche...drink it in and splat it out.
On the sunny side of the equation is that it it is really douching(rain) and I will take a walk in it.
Cheers bromanchu!
Spike Lee
Are you saying Sinyard smokes the hoody rat?
Anon 3:31
Hootie dumbass. Like an owl. Hoot hoot in the dark.
to all and to Snob:
i can not read all the comments from last friday´s post, only the first 200.
Anyone else?
Hoody and hootie are close.
Next time you see a massive bud that looks like an owl shit out a rat...then you got it.
WCRM has a sore scranus, I bet.
...c.a.s. once again delays the contador verdict...
...wow...i never saw that coming ‘cuz hey, who coulda guessed ???...
...it’s not like this has been dragging on for years or anything...
ugh, I got the same thing from my kid. It may be my fault, I didn't wash my hands before reading your blog.
On the bright side, the weight you've just expelled from either end probably equals a wheelset upgrade at least
...just to be safe, while all you sick folks post, i've showered with phisohex after every comment...
I heard the BGW is as real as the whipple slip you will see at the Super Bowl.
So what I am saying is that this is a deft chick fooling you all.
99th...
...and 100 comments about diarrhea? That's really gross!
Shit you posters!!
Bikes gone wild gives a shit about shit and is not really creepy once you get to know him.
And further more I would like to ask who sent me the skid marked fruit of the looms?
Dizznipp77
...anon 4:41pm...the only one fooling anybody is you fooling yourself into thinking you have (a)- intelligence & (b)- creativity...
...but even with your limited abilities, you figured that out, huh ???...
The Budnitz realizes some things go unappreciated.
Those undies were in a sweet ass jewel case.
Pony up Dizznipp77!
...actually, that was anon @ 4:11pm but i anticipate another moronic comment about 4:41pm & i won't have time to respond then...
...so, i'm already just sayin'...
Anon 4:41
Pretty sure that it's a man.
Could do drag looking at the picture.
And I have no problem as it is just an observation.
I've been to 4:41 today and it's no great shakes.
And WCRM doesn't feel that much better then either.
I am calling this out as crealligence and bikesgonewild as the new woosie pie champion of the world.
Good bought boys
Dugger
...dr emetic brown...look further to the future & let us know if anyone has a comment funny enough to make bsnyc/rtms/wcrm squirt a little poop 'cuz he's laughing too hard...
ah, the future. here's a link that doesn't reference poop or blowing snot in a restaurant. my old building, RIP.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQSB91J7LTo&feature=youtu.be
get well soon wildcat.
I can't get that Mussolini pulp face out of my mind.
Sorry to hear your not well. Hope your son and you feel better shortly.
And, also pretty funny, and it's on any channel you choose, is Shit Republican Candidates Say.
"give masturate it's do pleasure"
*b*
*its*
*due*
Not sure what the intended final meaning was, though.
hey nonny mouse
I meant to say helment. Really.
Pretty sure you got severely ill from watching that 'Peloton' trailer. I'm feeling pretty nauseous myself right about now.
You lost me at "Specialized"
http://www.thepostgame.com/blog/training-day/201201/lebron-james-one-percent-work-commuters
While the bike snob is laid up
Montana is no green pup
Lebron rides his bike to his job
As sickness immobilizes the snob
He gets an article in the paper
Other cyclists get shouts from a hater
The facts are much less bothersome
Upon learning Lebron rides custom
Wait a sec, let's not start rewriting history. Il Duce was already in power in Italy in 1922, a full ten years before Hitler took over Germany. If there was any copying of speech mannerisms and gesticulation going on between the two, it was most likely Hitler copying Mussolini, not the other way around. Interestingly, neither of the two were first elected Prime Minister, both were appointed to that post.
@ BGW
I think you meant to say 11:41 when predicting a moronic comment.
Look at this 11:41 guy talking about mussolini without making the poop joke first.
Context people.
CONTEXT.
...hs & the g...sheesh, huh ???...
...ol' 11:41pm certainly pooped all over my 'mussolini talking hip to hitler' joke by utilizing nothing but 'facts'...
...if facts are gonna get in the way of a good story or a bad joke, all context has been lost...
...witness the republican primary & it gets kinda obvious that agenda has very little to do with fact in this life...
...even mussolini would a' agreed to that.........if he hadn't ended up hangin' around a gas station...
Lebron James needs 40 min for a 3-4 mile bike ride???
Also, his helment is a "giant" one?
I´m puzzled...
Sorry, guys. My bad.
Sometimes there is no better friend than a toilet. That dachsund looks very unhappy.
"How to Pick up Women at Hospitals and Funerals,"
Well someone has to do it. Women have never looked hotter than at funerals.
The funeral bones are the best.
And I am a woman. I know.
I was looking for my fleshlight and I hope I didn't leave it in a chat room full of masture cock pilots.
Snob thought he had spewed all he could spew... wait till he reads this. If you are American, you should probably read it too.
ANAL DRIP
The Ritte guys are brilliant in the Rip Torn photo shoot.
BikeSnobNYC hopes to be able to return to his blog in earnest as soon as possible, and has already consumed an entire English Language.
Top 10...I hope you get the viral virus under control.
"shit Mussolini says"
Hilarious.
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