Monday, January 30, 2012

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Obscure Bike Blogger Feels Yucky and Stuff

Brooklyn, USA, January 30th, 2012 -- On the eve of the return to his widely read bicycle cycling blog after a week-long hiatus, the blogger BikeSnobNYC (also known as "Wildcat Rock Machine") fell victim to the stomach flu.

The blogger acquired the illness from his young son, most likely while engaged in the questionable practice of handling vomit while not wearing a helment, and spent much of yesterday evening regurgitating Tibetan food.

"I feel like I just finished a Single Speed World Championship," said the bedridden blogger, "apart from the fact that I'm currently wearing pants."

"Scranus," he then added before rolling over and groaning.

In addition to curating, cultivating, manhandling, and otherwise molesting the BikeSnobNYC blog, BikeSnobNYC is also the author of the book "Bike Snob," the forthcoming book "The Enlightened Cyclist," and also, under the pseudonym Wiley McRothstein, the popular instructional manual "How to Pick up Women at Hospitals and Funerals," now in its 216th printing and the winner of the 1987 Pulitzer Prize for general nonfiction.

BikeSnobNYC hopes to be able to return to his blog in earnest as soon as possible, and has already consumed an entire English muffin (top half and bottom half) with success.

Pending his return, BikeSnobNYC would like to share two (2) humorous videos. The first one is a trailer for an upcoming movie called "Peloton," which comes via Cycling Inquisition and which you may also have seen on the All Hail the Black Market webbing site:



Don't bother trying to fast-forward to the part where they finally start "doing it," because amazingly it isn't there.

The other is this hilarious video called "Shit Mussolini Says:"



Wow, the whole "Shit [Blanks] Say" thing never gets old.

With that, I return unto my private misery, but with any luck I hope to be back tomorrow in finer fettle. In the meantime, in lieu of flowers, please send any well-wishings in the form of a donation to your local Dachshund rescue society. Because all wiener dogs should have a loving home--and a bun.


--Wildcat Rock Machine



136 comments:

dcdouglas said...

podium?

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

diarrhea

Neil said...

yee haw.

disgruntl Ed. said...

Wow. Welcome back!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Blodsmak said...

Top 10!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

David said...

Yes, panties!

Nogocyclist said...

Welcome back. Hope you get to feeling better soon.

Neil said...

be a man....ride a bike.

McFly said...

Pussy

Jim Without a Tooth said...

I have been on anitbiotics until today.

End of the loose poops!

I can ride my bke again, but no Snob.
Life is hard at times.

Jim Without a Tooth said...

Oh yeah,

Hope you feel better Wildcat Poop Machine.

HalfStepAndTheGranny said...

Top Twenty.

Simon Templar said...

Dood.
I hope you get the viral virus under control.

misster-PISSTA said...

american flyers ,breaking away,and this
Now I have the runs too..

A friendly reader. said...

You must be sick.
That's just a regular olde tyme mussolini speech. No antics.

Feel better soon.

Anonymous said...

It was the tailwind...

Blog Drafter said...

Kids...

JB said...

Hear ye! Hear ye!

Miss Panties said...

diarEEugh panties!

Anonymous said...

Should have worn a helmet

g said...

Whole new slant to the old helment-no helment debate, eh?

Be well.

Unknown said...

Here is some video of why hipsters think they need bottle opening on their bikes (near the end)http://www.pezcyclingnews.com/?pg=fullstory&id=10053

Buffalo Bill said...

Il Duce was very convincing - I think he really did win the giro.

Anonymous said...

You got Yakpa from the tsampa.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Get well soon!

mikeweb said...

So Tibetan food looks and smells that similar to toddler vomit?

Better labeling seems to be in order then.

Buy-cycle said...

It's heart warming because one guy is black, and the other, white. United by their love for cycling. I demand you get well soon Mr Scranus.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Drink fresh-brewed green tea with a lemon squeeze and honey.

Paul Bowen said...

In England we just call them muffins.

Welcome almost back, get well soon and step awaaaay from the fermented Yak milk.

JB said...

What does not kill you will only make you sicker.

Barfing at Chili's said...

Dude I hope you healment soon!

Gnarly Gnarl said...

WTF! Check out the Mussolini autopsy. His face was beaten to a pulp!

Anonymous said...

Blogging is your doody.

Anonymous said...

perineum




balls.

Anonymous said...

Black guy wins cycling race? Must be science fiction.

Anonymous said...

Peloton looks to be unwatchable.
I would reconsider if guaranteed the redhead gets nekkid.

OBA said...

Welcome back and get well soon!

grog said...

CHKN SOUP
PNCH NURS
FEEL BETR

Chafed said...

stomach bugs are disgusting, feel better soon snob. Was just re-reading your bit about people who buy fancy bicycles and then are afraid to ride them. brilliant.

Terre Haute Karl said...

Dang, Peloton doesn't look cliche at all.

Anonymous said...

dude, my italian sucks, i didn't understand $hit he said

Anonymous said...

I was looking forward the giving Rosie Palms a break.

Anonymous said...

I figured you were dead.

Etherhuffer said...

Yak butter tea did the trick eh?

mikeweb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mikeweb said...

Just so you know, WCRM, we will require a doctors note.

Preferably from this guy.

Anonymous said...

Lots of fluids, Snobby. The plus side is you will catch up on your bathroom reading.

cycle

Anonymous said...

howdy doody

Mark Nockleby said...

check out this load
http://starburst.hackerfriendly.com/?p=1728

crosspalms said...

Sucks to be sick. Hope you feel better soon. And welcome back!

Anonymous said...

Who put the last bullet in Mussolini?

300 Italian sharpshooters.

streepo said...

scranus

hillier99 said...

The good thing about kids is that once they get in school, they start collecting all new viruses (virii?) and cross-pollinating. All the immunities you are building up now are useless. The good news is, the hand-me-down illnesses (illini?) only last until around grade 5 or so. At that point, you can start getting your health back. Have a great day!

Anonymous said...

Fascist dictatorships are just naturally funny.

Anonymous said...

is that seriously a real feature film? it really looks like a farce.

bikesgonewild said...

...well, that's the shits...

...pinch those cheeks together & scurry down the hall (again) 'cuz everything is up "FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE'...

...get mo' betta soon, bsnyc/rtms/wildcat shitting machine...

MyHarpoon said...

Saw "Peloton" at a film festival last year. Made comment to wife about how actress was horrible. Didn't realize said actress was sitting behind us and overheard conversation. Whoops.

andrew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
andrew said...

My understanding was that BSNYC always wrote his blog while still lying in bed... What's changed? A little vomit shouldn't stop him.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz demands an apology for not giving instructions to make 'milquetoast' when illin.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz also wants number one and number two back.

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz is not talking golden showers or Cleveland steamers in that last post.

Anonymous said...

Ha! That Mussolini is such a card. Such a card!

Anonymous said...

if you´ve got the runs, don´t, really don´t take the bus

Anonymous said...

DRIP SHTZ

Anonymous said...

BARF SNOB

bikesgonewild said...

...mussolini to his 'axis' pal hitler - "...adolph, baby...those enunciation & gesturing lessons i took from you are killer, dude...the paisanos are eatin' up that 'il duce' shit...i'm a fucking hit, bro !!!...ya, ya, like someday, if we can get that little jap bastard to fall in line, we can rule the world, huh ???...yo, 'dolph, i'll be in touch..."...

Anonymous said...

Skidmardks and barf stains is always a good look.....

hey nonny mouse

bikesgonewild said...

...'peloton' - straight to blue-ray with the speed of a blazing, well, cat 3/4 peloton...

Anonymous said...

Ralph

Anonymous said...

Make that Ralph-a.
Now you can charge $240 for it.

Anonymous said...

The Bikes Gone Wild guy is masturbating the peleton trailer.
Careful!
There could be cock-shells!

Anonymous said...

Or the cock shell shocks with mayo.

Anonymous said...

As a proud owner of a Spesh crabon bike I was happy to notice the familiar logo in the trailer a few times... and a few more times... and then all over the screen in the final shot!

However as a cinema-goer I'll probably pass on paying $10 to go see what looks like a commercial.

Anonymous said...

Masturbate is now the most winningest verb of all.
Let's all join in and give masturate it's do pleasure.

g-roc said...

No charges are pending against the child. The Snob wasn't wearing a healment at the time of the accident and has been levied a fine for said infraction. In addition, he is being fined for hanging a diaper bag off his mop handle. As the Snob is laid up in bed, the child is pursuing a lawsuit for breach of contract for failing to provide agreed upon services and duties.

Anonymous said...

Anon 2:58

Are you masturating? Too funny

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 2:52 & 2:53pm...wow...'diarrhea' - to quote an 'esteemed' colleague...

...but you keep doing your best 'cuz we're all about 'creative' around here, even if you've got a long way to go...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

Take care of your ring of fire wildcat skat maneuver.

g-roc said...

Anon 2:54, A proud, yet anonymous owner. Awesome. The Ironic Spesh Crabon.

Spike Lee said...

Yeah, Peloton definitely looks like a Sinyard joint.

And true to form, it really looks like he lifted not only the plot, but also the production design, from the 1989-90 season of this.

Tommy said...

I didn't even realize you were gone!

Anonymous said...

SNOB SICK
ICKY FLU'
NASL DRIP

LK said...

Torna a letto.

screaming skull said...

shit storm!

Anonymous said...

I have also fallen ill and have lost twenty pounds of water weight out my (drop a plumbing bob) end.
I feel like a human douche...drink it in and splat it out.

On the sunny side of the equation is that it it is really douching(rain) and I will take a walk in it.

Cheers bromanchu!

Anonymous said...

Spike Lee

Are you saying Sinyard smokes the hoody rat?

Anonymous said...

Anon 3:31

Hootie dumbass. Like an owl. Hoot hoot in the dark.

Anonymous said...

to all and to Snob:

i can not read all the comments from last friday´s post, only the first 200.
Anyone else?

Anonymous said...

Hoody and hootie are close.

Next time you see a massive bud that looks like an owl shit out a rat...then you got it.

streepo said...

WCRM has a sore scranus, I bet.

bikesgonewild said...

...c.a.s. once again delays the contador verdict...

...wow...i never saw that coming ‘cuz hey, who coulda guessed ???...

...it’s not like this has been dragging on for years or anything...

Matt DeBlass said...

ugh, I got the same thing from my kid. It may be my fault, I didn't wash my hands before reading your blog.
On the bright side, the weight you've just expelled from either end probably equals a wheelset upgrade at least

bikesgonewild said...

...just to be safe, while all you sick folks post, i've showered with phisohex after every comment...

Anonymous said...

I heard the BGW is as real as the whipple slip you will see at the Super Bowl.
So what I am saying is that this is a deft chick fooling you all.

wishiwasmerckx said...

99th...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and 100 comments about diarrhea? That's really gross!

Anonymous said...

Shit you posters!!
Bikes gone wild gives a shit about shit and is not really creepy once you get to know him.
And further more I would like to ask who sent me the skid marked fruit of the looms?

Dizznipp77

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 4:41pm...the only one fooling anybody is you fooling yourself into thinking you have (a)- intelligence & (b)- creativity...

...but even with your limited abilities, you figured that out, huh ???...

Anonymous said...

The Budnitz realizes some things go unappreciated.
Those undies were in a sweet ass jewel case.
Pony up Dizznipp77!

bikesgonewild said...

...actually, that was anon @ 4:11pm but i anticipate another moronic comment about 4:41pm & i won't have time to respond then...

...so, i'm already just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

Anon 4:41

Pretty sure that it's a man.
Could do drag looking at the picture.
And I have no problem as it is just an observation.

Dr. Emmett Brown said...

I've been to 4:41 today and it's no great shakes.

And WCRM doesn't feel that much better then either.

Anonymous said...

I am calling this out as crealligence and bikesgonewild as the new woosie pie champion of the world.

Good bought boys
Dugger

bikesgonewild said...

...dr emetic brown...look further to the future & let us know if anyone has a comment funny enough to make bsnyc/rtms/wcrm squirt a little poop 'cuz he's laughing too hard...

ken e. said...

ah, the future. here's a link that doesn't reference poop or blowing snot in a restaurant. my old building, RIP.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQSB91J7LTo&feature=youtu.be

get well soon wildcat.

Sal Putrid said...

I can't get that Mussolini pulp face out of my mind.

Ben Levy said...

Sorry to hear your not well. Hope your son and you feel better shortly.

Doug said...

And, also pretty funny, and it's on any channel you choose, is Shit Republican Candidates Say.

Anonymous said...

"give masturate it's do pleasure"

*b*
*its*
*due*

Not sure what the intended final meaning was, though.

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

I meant to say helment. Really.

Vegas said...

Pretty sure you got severely ill from watching that 'Peloton' trailer. I'm feeling pretty nauseous myself right about now.

cheva said...

You lost me at "Specialized"

Anonymous said...

http://www.thepostgame.com/blog/training-day/201201/lebron-james-one-percent-work-commuters

While the bike snob is laid up
Montana is no green pup

Lebron rides his bike to his job
As sickness immobilizes the snob

He gets an article in the paper
Other cyclists get shouts from a hater

The facts are much less bothersome
Upon learning Lebron rides custom

Stuart said...

Wait a sec, let's not start rewriting history. Il Duce was already in power in Italy in 1922, a full ten years before Hitler took over Germany. If there was any copying of speech mannerisms and gesticulation going on between the two, it was most likely Hitler copying Mussolini, not the other way around. Interestingly, neither of the two were first elected Prime Minister, both were appointed to that post.

HalfStepAndTheGranny said...

@ BGW

I think you meant to say 11:41 when predicting a moronic comment.
Look at this 11:41 guy talking about mussolini without making the poop joke first.
Context people.
CONTEXT.

bikesgonewild said...

...hs & the g...sheesh, huh ???...

...ol' 11:41pm certainly pooped all over my 'mussolini talking hip to hitler' joke by utilizing nothing but 'facts'...

...if facts are gonna get in the way of a good story or a bad joke, all context has been lost...

...witness the republican primary & it gets kinda obvious that agenda has very little to do with fact in this life...

...even mussolini would a' agreed to that.........if he hadn't ended up hangin' around a gas station...

Anonymous said...

Lebron James needs 40 min for a 3-4 mile bike ride???

Also, his helment is a "giant" one?

I´m puzzled...

Jack Shit said...

Sorry, guys. My bad.

paulb said...

Sometimes there is no better friend than a toilet. That dachsund looks very unhappy.

Anonymous said...

"How to Pick up Women at Hospitals and Funerals,"

Well someone has to do it. Women have never looked hotter than at funerals.

Anonymous said...

The funeral bones are the best.
And I am a woman. I know.

Anonymous said...

I was looking for my fleshlight and I hope I didn't leave it in a chat room full of masture cock pilots.

ce said...

Snob thought he had spewed all he could spew... wait till he reads this. If you are American, you should probably read it too.

Anonymous said...

ANAL DRIP

Anonymous said...

The Ritte guys are brilliant in the Rip Torn photo shoot.

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Bike Locks said...

BikeSnobNYC hopes to be able to return to his blog in earnest as soon as possible, and has already consumed an entire English Language.

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john said...

"shit Mussolini says"

Hilarious.

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