BSNYC Friday World-Wide Ironic Healing Circle!

The votes are in, the polls are closed, the bribes have been proffered and accepted, and I can now finally declare the winners of the "There Will Be Action Wipes" contest:

Here it is, the symbol that will represent cycling the world over, now and forever:


And here are the runners-up:



Believe it or not I had no idea how obscene that image would be until after I "curated" it. (That's what we bloggers call a "happy accident.")

Anyway, I thinks we did good, and I'm very proud to see this symbol officially enter the Pantheon of Informative Silhouettes:

Of course, the winner will receive not only the wet gift of Action Wipes, but also a Liz Hatch DVD. (Ms. Hatch's moisture status is unknown at this point.) The up-runners will also receive some sort of Action Wipes consolation prize, which I'm guessing will also be Action Wipes, and which they can use to wipe away their tears. I will set about officially notifying both the winners and the sponsor at some point this weekend, just as soon as I get back from trying out my new recumbent sail bike.

I am profoundly relieved to finally get this contest off the desk I don't have in the office that doesn't exist where I do the work I don't do.

Meanwhile, I was browsing Craigslist in search of a jib for my recumbent sail bike when I came across warning of a "Potential Scam Involving Bike Locks:"


Potential Scam Involving Bike Locks (NYC)
Date: 2011-06-02, 4:01PM EDT
Reply to: [deleted]

Yesterday, I almost purchased a bike lock. When I actually saw the lock, it was different from that which was advertised. The seller feigned ignorance.

Nevertheless, I considered purchasing the lock. But, rather than falling victim to what could have been a classic "bait and switch," I decided otherwise.

The purpose of this post is not to accuse the seller of fraud. I will give the seller the benefit of the doubt. Instead, the purpose of this post is to shed light on a potential scam involving bike locks.

Perhaps my career in law enforcement has fostered a heightened sensitivity to scams of all sorts, but, the thought occurred to me that this was more than your classic "bait and switch." And that thought was this: the lock the seller was selling could have been imbedded with some type of "homing device" (whether a GPS sensor or some other gadget) indicating to the seller where the lock is located. From there, the seller could locate the lock and, with the keys to that lock, retrieve the lock (and bicycle) and repeat the process all over again by attempting to resell the lock on craigslist. With the ability to continuously resell the lock and obtain a few bikes in the process, this scam could be very profitable.

Let me be clear. I am not accusing the seller of engaging in this scam. For this reason, I am not identifying the seller. And to reiterate, perhaps its just my own law enforcement background that led me to this conclusion. But, its something to consider when purchasing a used bike lock from someone.

Right, let's consider what's the more likely scenario here:

--An enterprising thief has invested in a GPS and installed it in a bike lock which he intends to sell over and over again. After fielding tons of dumb email queries and dealing with the inevitable Craigslist looky-loos, he finally manages to sell it. Then, he's waiting for this buyer to lock up his or her bike. With a window that could be anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, he's then traveling to a location that could be anywhere in the greater metropolitan area and hoping the bike is still there so he can steal it. Somehow, this method is more effective and a better use of his time than just cutting locks or hanging around in front of Gorilla Coffee waiting for some hipster to leave his tarck bike unsecured when he runs in for a quick latte.

Or:

--Like most Craigslist sellers, he did not have to "feign ignorance" as he was actually ignorant, and he had no idea the lock he was selling was any different from the one he pulled off the Internet in order to place the ad.

Personally, my money's on the second one.

Speaking of my money, I don't think I'll be investing any of my dozens of dollars in this "mobile pool party" I just saw on Kickstarter:

Many people say the word "hipster" is beyond overused, but if there's a better word for two people in a bowling alley who want you to give them money so they can pull a crappy homemade pool around Brooklyn with a bicycle then I'd like to know what it is.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you're better than everyone else, and if you're wrong you'll see how bicycles are destroying the city of Dublin and indeed the entire world.

Thanks very much for reading and for forwarding delightful items, ride safe, and be sure to incorporate as much action as possible into your wiping.

--BSNYC/RTMS

1) If Riccardo Riccò wants a job, he's going to have to:

--Get a haircut

--Shave those sideburns

--Start wearing underpants

--Remove the diamond from his tooth

2) Apparently Shimano Di2 is fantastic, just as long as you don't:

--Get it wet

--Expose it to bright light

--Feed it after midnight

--Attempt to retrofit it to your fixie

(Cyclocross triathlete transitions into the swimming leg.)

3) In cyclocross, cowbells are out and __________ are in.

--Triangles

--Maracas

--Live rock bands

--Cows

4) This is a map of:

--Tickets issued to New York City cyclists during the "crackdown"

--Coffee shops equipped with Japanese slow-drippers, free Wi-Fi, and artisanal axe-sharpening stations

--Checkpoints for the upcoming "Gentrification Alleycat," sponsored by the Corcoran Group

--Fixies stolen in the last 15 minutes

5) Art book publisher Rizzoli will publish an "adult children's book" called "Hipsters: Running, Jumping, Climbing" in September of this year.

--True
--False

6) Your overpriced artisanal axe is incomplete without:

--A $65 can of baked beans with label designed by Paul Smith

--A $430 lumberjack shirt pre-impregnated with the smell of someone who actually works for a living

--A $107 journal in which you can write about what a "woosie" you are

--A $975 prosthetic finger kit

"I asked Warren how he kept the twin babies from not pulling all the books off the shelves or trying to climb the library ladder. He just shrugged it off to the notion of 'that's just what kids do.' Nothing in the home is too precious or fragile to restrict living and enjoying the home to the fullest."

7 )Presumably, "that's just what kids do" also goes for playing with the Best Made axe they use as a table setting.

--True

--False

***Special "Eeew!"-Themed Bonus Question***

This photo may just end up saving New York City's bike lanes.

--True
--False