Friday, June 3, 2011

BSNYC Friday World-Wide Ironic Healing Circle!

The votes are in, the polls are closed, the bribes have been proffered and accepted, and I can now finally declare the winners of the "There Will Be Action Wipes" contest:


Here it is, the symbol that will represent cycling the world over, now and forever:


And here are the runners-up:



Believe it or not I had no idea how obscene that image would be until after I "curated" it. (That's what we bloggers call a "happy accident.")

Anyway, I thinks we did good, and I'm very proud to see this symbol officially enter the Pantheon of Informative Silhouettes:


Of course, the winner will receive not only the wet gift of Action Wipes, but also a Liz Hatch DVD. (Ms. Hatch's moisture status is unknown at this point.) The up-runners will also receive some sort of Action Wipes consolation prize, which I'm guessing will also be Action Wipes, and which they can use to wipe away their tears. I will set about officially notifying both the winners and the sponsor at some point this weekend, just as soon as I get back from trying out my new recumbent sail bike.

I am profoundly relieved to finally get this contest off the desk I don't have in the office that doesn't exist where I do the work I don't do.

Meanwhile, I was browsing Craigslist in search of a jib for my recumbent sail bike when I came across warning of a "Potential Scam Involving Bike Locks:"


Potential Scam Involving Bike Locks (NYC)
Date: 2011-06-02, 4:01PM EDT
Reply to: [deleted]

Yesterday, I almost purchased a bike lock. When I actually saw the lock, it was different from that which was advertised. The seller feigned ignorance.

Nevertheless, I considered purchasing the lock. But, rather than falling victim to what could have been a classic "bait and switch," I decided otherwise.

The purpose of this post is not to accuse the seller of fraud. I will give the seller the benefit of the doubt. Instead, the purpose of this post is to shed light on a potential scam involving bike locks.

Perhaps my career in law enforcement has fostered a heightened sensitivity to scams of all sorts, but, the thought occurred to me that this was more than your classic "bait and switch." And that thought was this: the lock the seller was selling could have been imbedded with some type of "homing device" (whether a GPS sensor or some other gadget) indicating to the seller where the lock is located. From there, the seller could locate the lock and, with the keys to that lock, retrieve the lock (and bicycle) and repeat the process all over again by attempting to resell the lock on craigslist. With the ability to continuously resell the lock and obtain a few bikes in the process, this scam could be very profitable.

Let me be clear. I am not accusing the seller of engaging in this scam. For this reason, I am not identifying the seller. And to reiterate, perhaps its just my own law enforcement background that led me to this conclusion. But, its something to consider when purchasing a used bike lock from someone.


Right, let's consider what's the more likely scenario here:

--An enterprising thief has invested in a GPS and installed it in a bike lock which he intends to sell over and over again. After fielding tons of dumb email queries and dealing with the inevitable Craigslist looky-loos, he finally manages to sell it. Then, he's waiting for this buyer to lock up his or her bike. With a window that could be anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, he's then traveling to a location that could be anywhere in the greater metropolitan area and hoping the bike is still there so he can steal it. Somehow, this method is more effective and a better use of his time than just cutting locks or hanging around in front of Gorilla Coffee waiting for some hipster to leave his tarck bike unsecured when he runs in for a quick latte.

Or:

--Like most Craigslist sellers, he did not have to "feign ignorance" as he was actually ignorant, and he had no idea the lock he was selling was any different from the one he pulled off the Internet in order to place the ad.

Personally, my money's on the second one.

Speaking of my money, I don't think I'll be investing any of my dozens of dollars in this "mobile pool party" I just saw on Kickstarter:



Many people say the word "hipster" is beyond overused, but if there's a better word for two people in a bowling alley who want you to give them money so they can pull a crappy homemade pool around Brooklyn with a bicycle then I'd like to know what it is.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you're better than everyone else, and if you're wrong you'll see how bicycles are destroying the city of Dublin and indeed the entire world.

Thanks very much for reading and for forwarding delightful items, ride safe, and be sure to incorporate as much action as possible into your wiping.


--BSNYC/RTMS




1) If Riccardo Riccò wants a job, he's going to have to:





2) Apparently Shimano Di2 is fantastic, just as long as you don't:






(Cyclocross triathlete transitions into the swimming leg.)

3) In cyclocross, cowbells are out and __________ are in.






4) This is a map of:







5) Art book publisher Rizzoli will publish an "adult children's book" called "Hipsters: Running, Jumping, Climbing" in September of this year.

--True
--False






6) Your overpriced artisanal axe is incomplete without:






"I asked Warren how he kept the twin babies from not pulling all the books off the shelves or trying to climb the library ladder. He just shrugged it off to the notion of 'that's just what kids do.' Nothing in the home is too precious or fragile to restrict living and enjoying the home to the fullest."

7 )Presumably, "that's just what kids do" also goes for playing with the Best Made axe they use as a table setting.




***Special "Eeew!"-Themed Bonus Question***


This photo may just end up saving New York City's bike lanes.

--True
--False


68 comments:

Anonymous said...

first

cycle

Anonymous said...

second

cycle

Anonymous said...

third

cycle

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

no comment

Anonymous said...

and i didn't dope.

cycle

Marcel Da Chump said...

no chumpagne kisses

Anonymous said...

Noooooooo!

Anonymous said...

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD.

Anonymous said...

how could it win? NO SOUL PATCH!

Kenny Banya said...

AYHAWMET

Anon 12:44 said...

Nice handlebar throw, Marcel! I didn't mean to scream NOOOOOO! so loud in your ear. Sorry, how Cavendish-y of me.

Anonymous said...

Did Philip from Survivor write that lock post?

cycle

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:45pm,

If you look, his chin has a little point, which I assume represents the Cosmic Flavor-Saver of Justice.

--BSNYC

ant1 said...

ant1st!

ken e. said...

this working on friday stuff is harsh. ride safe y'all!

ringcycles said...

BSNYC: admit it, You hacked Anthony Weiner's twitter account to show the political world what NY cyclists already knew, what a big dick he is.

But did you have to be so literal?

wishiwasmerckx said...

So today I learned that you clean your Di2 exactly the same way you clean my girlfriend. Always wipe front to back.

Anonymous said...

As the model for that photo, I'd just like to say in my own defense that I'd just gotten out of the pool and that water was COLD! So, you know...

Marcel Da Chump said...

Cheers,
Dubliners.

ringcycles said...

regarding the apartment therapy table setting; What better way to show your guests that the roast chicken is organic, local, and completely fresh than to have the axe you slaughtered it with in the dining room?

Marcel Da Chump said...

@Anon 12:44,
No biggy. I didn't hear you; what with my directeur yelling "oui, oui" in my ear.

hillbilly said...

good weekend yall

ce said...

Why would you need a $107 Basecamp X Legacy Journal to record worthless ponderings when you can use BSNYC's comment section?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Pointless comment #24

mikeweb said...

Wow! My red dot of indignancy even made it into the Friday Funk Whiz!

db said...

WENR SHOT

Twistyface said...

I wonder what gearing you'd use to portage a couple of tonnes of water around in the mobile pool party?

(Figure of speech - I couldn't really care less).

TheTye said...

MNWM NFRD

J Scott. Ravaged by prisoners. said...

My vote counted?

Terre Haute Karl said...

Pretty sure that pool mobile was done on the Simpsons...probably around the year those two douches were born.

crosspalms said...

Didn't ace the quiz, but got the boner question right. Bonus, sorry.

Ilford Dektol said...

What is it about Americans and sex? Can't a politician send a sexy pic to somebody else? (Okay, it's pretty mild compared to what you can find on Tumblr but still...)
I'll be glad when another generation grows up to be the future politicians and they can say, "yes, I get horny, I've had sex, what of it?" and people will not think that them having ever had sex or gotten horny in their lives as a factor in whether to vote for them or not.
Politicians in other countries don't go around pretending that they're asexual. Sheesh!

ce said...

Does a stint as the moderator on a World of Warcraft forum really class as a "background in law enforcement"?

leroy said...

Aced the quiz!

Thank goodness the last question wasn't "Is that A Weiner in his underwear or is he just happy to contemplate ripping out bike lanes?"

Ride safe all!

grog said...

Well-done Snob, I can say with absolute certitude.

Chazu said...

You have dozens of dollars? Just a few weeks ago, you were claiming to be the world's 7th richest person. Or something like that. Did you invest heavily in DI2?

Twistyface said...

DI2 is an anagram of 'a fool and his sponsor's money...'.

Is the Campy version similarly weather 'resistant'?

DogShot said...

I am better than everyone else! First 100% evahhhh!! Perhaps I should be working more and viewing this blog less? . . . Nah.

Anonymous said...

"No man is complete without a journal in which to scribe his ponderings and diatribes"

No man dares know what I have seen, let alone ponder for I have done a bunch of wicked awesome stuff.

Twistyface said...

@ Anonymous 3pm - Is that a Weiner quote?

yogisurf said...

Damn, missed two. :-(

Anonymous said...

"a worthy vessel for the blueprint to your next manifesto" is Ted Kaczynski getting out soon?

LK said...

Just a little math here. One square foot of water weights about 62.4 Pounds. A bike cart sized kiddie pool would be about 3'x5'x2'=32sq'x 62.4 = 1996.8lbs. Which is only half the weight of a car.......
Just kick me.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Silvio Berlusconi said...

IIford Dektol,
Grazie for supporting me, amore.
Let's bunga bunga sometime.

xyxax said...

Locked bikes cause brain cancer!

Locks knock paint off poles and bollards. Lead-filled paint chips attract pigeons who are starving because constant repainting has emptied municipal coffers, forcing deep cuts in the budget of mental health agency which had kept crazy bird-feeding ladies sufficiently medicated to venture outside. Lead-addled pigeons fly blindly in all directions striking less able-bodied passersby. Ensuing sidewalk chaos generates thousands of WTF cellphone calls. And then the headaches start...

Anonymous said...

Two of the correct answers were dead links!! Other than that, good as always.

crosspalms said...

@xyxax

if anybody should win the Action Wipes, you should

bikesgonewild said...

...wishiwasmerckx..."...exactly the same way you clean my girlfriend. Always wipe front to back."...

...i'll remember that...

...the next time i'm with your girlfriend...

wishiwasmerckx said...

BGW, to quote Austin Powers, "She's the town bicycle. Everybody gets a ride."

Anonymous said...

i bet the second place icon wishes he was the runner up to the third...

Cipo's Amerikan Cousin said...

OPEN POST TO;

TYLER HAMILTON

GEORGE HINCAPIE

FRANKIE ANDREU

-PLEASE GOOGLE 'THE FIFTH AMENDMENT'


THANK YOU

TTTSWRFFTPT-Quincy Chapter said...

Wiener! Loser!Good riddance!

Anonymous said...

Dufus! That's the word for the mobile pool party blokes. BTW, I couldn't resist clicking on the ad for OneGear clothing, since the girl is cute and is wearing a see-through shirt. Apparently, there's a certain kind of clothes you're supposed to wear when riding a one-speed or single-speed. At least if your're a proper hipster. This blog is amazing. Apparently it appeals to the people it makes fun of the most.

Anonymous said...

Phoenix Recumbent Trikes http://phoenix.craigslist.org/nph/bik/2415177873.html

JDH said...

Shfifty shfive!

JDH said...

dammit!

Martin Erzinger said...

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/ct-met-levin-hit-and-run-2-20110603,0,6859365.story

My kind of Guy,

Anonymous said...

A bunch of books on shelves is no more a 'library' than a bunch of naked cyclists downtown is a 'revolution'.

Anonymous said...

Notice the crappy air quality outside the "art is anal" home tour.

Anonymous said...

What?

Just another congressman from NY said...

Human sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, it's perfectly natural. In fact, it is well known that the ruling class have greater appetities as benefits people of purer blood and stronger wills. Didn't you assholes watch "Braveheart"? Didn't you learn shit from the doctrine of jus primae noctis? Le droit du seigneur? God damm are you people stupid.

Anonymous said...

@LK I think teh hipsters pull it while it's dry.

http://aconceptcar.com/2012-audi-a3-concept/ said...

second

Anonymous said...

It will be a bummer when the Mobile Pool Party comes to your neighborhood and you stand around wearing your favorite pants, sweating around the stick in your butt, and having no fun. Are you just getting old? I don't understand what you plan to be doing while everyone else is shooting each other with water guns and eating donuts. Hopefully you will be inside your AC'ed apartment thinking of a name to call them (isn't that your job?) instead of publishing boring insults. I only read your blog to hear you cleverly insult people, and if you are too lazy to do that then what kind of bike snob will you be?

All you have to do is combine in any order at least one word from Column A and one word from Column B.

Column A
Barf
Ball(s)
Fart
Poop
Douche
Butt
Ug-
Crap
Trash
Piss
Dumb
Nut(s)
Crack
Turd
Snot
Horse
Suck
Ass
Dork
Moose
Tool
Lathe
Stink
Freak
Zombie

Column B
Bag
Sack
Pile
Face
Wad
Hole
Trashcan
Load
Bucket
Station
Facility
Stain
Pants
Uncle
Underground City
Town
Village
Train
Mountain
Knuckle
Canyon
Abyss
Gorge
Show
Shed
Manager
Mouth
Neck
Maker
Rag

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Open face helmet said...

I considered purchasing the lock. But, rather than falling victim to what could have been a classic bait and switch.

Fixie Bikes said...

#2 made me laugh