Friday, May 6, 2011

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz and Contest Announcement!

Please note that, starting tomorrow, I will be writing a Giro d'Italia blog for the "Bicycling" website. If you're interested in hot pink Giro action, please follow my Tweeter for links.

As a semi-professional bicycle cycling blogger, everything I do is governed by two guiding principles:

1) To spread happiness and joy to others to the very best of my meager ability;

and

2) To pummel any reference that I find even mildly amusing relentlessly into the ground.

With regard to that second principle, you may have noticed that I make frequent references to the time-traveling t-shirt-wearing retro-Fred from the planet Tridork (or TTTSWRFFTPT), a compelling rider who made his first appearance in a VeloNews ad and who has since materialized countless times in advertisements, flyers, announcements, magazine covers electronics store circulars, email blasts and even PowerPoint presentations both cycling and non-cycling-related:


Indeed, so ubiquitous has the TTTSWRFFTPT become that I have suggested he's well on his way to becoming the very embodiment of bicycle cycling itself, and that he should be rendered as sort of a simplified international symbol. (Think the little men's room guy for example.)

But how to marry my second guiding principle (beat stuff into the ground) with my first guiding principle (spreading joy)? At first glance the two would appear to be at odds. But then I realized something very important:

People like getting stuff.

And then it hit me like a speeding retro-Fred:

Have a contest where people win stuff.

Sure, not everybody likes contests where you win stuff. For example, minimalists hate winning stuff, since winning stuff makes it harder for them to be minimalists. (Perhaps minimalist blogs should start holding contests where the winners have stuff taken away from them.) Still, I refuse to pander to the forces of minimalism, and so I have resolved to hold a contest. But what to give? I'll tell you what--Action Wipes:

Why Action Wipes?

1) All cyclists know wipes are very handy for cleaning up after "epic" rides and/or "epic" pre-race porta-potty visits;

2) Action Wipes are arguably the Chris King headset of personal pre-moistened filth management towels;

3) Action Wipes are endorsed by Liz Hatch:




But most important of all, I just like saying "Action Wipes."

And thus, a contest was born:

Here are the rules:

1) Using your computer or a similar tool, render the TTRFFTPTD as a simplified international symbol for cycling (because this ain't cutting it any more);

2) Email it to me at the address in my profile using the subject line: THERE WILL BE ACTION WIPES. All submissions must be received by next Friday, which is the 13th. (Gasp!)

After that, I will select a winner as well as a first and second loser, all of whom will receive some kind of care package from the generous people at Action Wipes.

Also, I should mention the following:

1) I am receiving no compensation from Action Wipes, beyond the satisfaction of getting to say "Action Wipes" a lot.

2) Please do not ask if you can win one of Liz Hatch's used Action Wipes. That's just wrong.

Anyway, with that out of the way, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. (The quiz is mercifully short to allow you adequate time for contest symbol curation, Giro viewing preparation, or even actual bicycle cycling if you go in for that sort of thing.) As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right that's just fantastic, and if you're wrong you'll see Messenger vs. Fred (via Stephane).

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and happy wiping.


--BSNYC/RTMS





1) Fill in the blank: Testicles ________

--Massaging




2) Three what please?






3) What kind of bike is he riding?





(Large frontal cooling vent for core temperature management.)

4) Levi's is working on a cycling-specific "Canadian tuxedo."






5) "Ride a bike, save ______."





(American Gothic)

6) Jim and Jane are two lovely people who want to take you straight to:



62 comments:

Anonymous said...

Could it be?

Anonymous said...

I scrolled all the way down...just to post. Now to reading. Thanks Snobby!

Anonymous said...

Yes, yes.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Missed it by that much.

Somewhere in the Desert said...

Top Five?

Anonymous said...

Tawp 10 from New England!

Bad Lawyer said...

A whole week of Smug wrapped in one BSNYC post, hooray!
BL

Anonymous said...

Top Ten Suckas!

SLAM said...

I got shot by a pro once. top ten?

Rocky Mountain Chuck said...

Aced the quiz! It's bike to work day in my city and some friendly young people handed me a bag containing cycling-related goodies. What a great day.

Jim and Jane are adorable, by the way.

Bad Lawyer said...

OK, so I watched the Liz Hatch video--loved the soft focus--but when it gets to where Liz is speaking it reminded me of the video of my pal, lawyer friend Laura, who while still in Laqw School did a Playboy "Naturals" shoot...same irritating inanities.
BL

Stephen Colbert said...

Bears frighten me.

Chameleon Trickster said...

I rode my bike to work today, Aced the quiz and it's friday! Life is good.

LIZH ATCH

ktrueman said...

Top 14 ?

shu-sin said...

snob, you have been fyxo'd: http://www.fyxomatosis.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=641:good-ol-fyxo-forever&catid=1:latest-news&Itemid=119

le Correcteur said...

Liz Hatch: rather watch than listen.

Bruce said...

Missed two on the quiz. That's OK, I'm going to make up for it with by imposing my personal Fredicism on the world, for tomorrow I RIDE!!!!!

Marcel Da Chump said...

You just had to go Dutch.

crosspalms said...

The bear link goes to the Holland video. Bummer, I wanted to see the bear dancers again...
AYHSMB
All year, Herr Schwinn made bicycles
Are you heavy? So's my brother
All you haters, save more bears

ant1 said...

ant1st!

ant1 said...

perfect quiz score!

Anonymous said...

all you haters suck my testicle

mikeweb said...

Perfect score. Something tells me that Jim and Jane also hit up the 'coffee shops' over there too. Big time.

I'm also curious where Snob found that picture of Commie Canuck for question 4.

Jasper said...

Watching and not listening to the Liz Hatch does remove the inane music as well as the inane voice-over, but then Bay Area smuggies wouldn't have the satisfaction of wondering why on earth she is aiming at the far side of Hawk Hill when she says she wants food. No food out that way, just old Nike missiles.

samh said...

Damn you, ant1. I got two wrong. Stupid bears.

Chazu said...

My pancake-curating skills are going to be put to the test on Sunday morning. May Mom of Mini-Snob be properly accommodated this weekend. (Its the one Hallmark Holiday worth anything more than a used Action Wipe.)

Terre Haute Karl said...

No mention of the "suspicious bicyclist" that was roughed up at ground zero?

http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2011/05/suspicious_bicyclists_arrest_c.html

I am the yabbies engine said...

http://www.funnycoolstuff.com/2006/09/18/why-bicycle-shorts-are-always-black/

Testicles, made me laugh again.

Twistyface said...

Careful you don't jump another shark with all these big giveaways!

Are Action Wipes any good for clearing up after a taintal caress?

Stupid Name said...

Can I buy one of Liz Hatch's used Action Wipes? It's not wrong if I will throw down hard cash.

Anonymous said...

Hey look Lance Armstrong posted a comment @12:33

ken e. said...

bio-rhythms are way down. safe riding everyone!

STCK DORK
BIKE SMBL

WYRD FTSH
AXTN WIPE

Erika C said...

Should I be worried that I answered all questions right?

Anonymous said...

when will there be a Liz Hatch Signature Action Wipes kit?

Marcel Da Chump said...

The title to Liz Hatch's video is dripping with sexual innuendo. CUE THE ACTION WIPES!

grog said...

Saaaay, doesnt lobster come from the planet tridork too?
FUNK WHIZ

Bobbo said...

happens every time...as soon as she starts speaking, the image is gone...damn

Lauterbrunnental Leaflet said...

Rivendell Reader #43

Jim Miller said...

Love the new Levi's "Bib" riding shorts

Anonymous said...

At this point companies are probably going out of their way to use TTTSWRFFTPT. They have a fairly good chance of getting some free publicity at this site. As I type this thousands of self loathing Freds are checking out digital cameras now since they saw that cover on this site.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Snob, read the Rivendell article. Woodmere! Hewlett High?
know some great people from there. Ten years your senior, though.

Friendo said...

MEGR ABLE
ACTN WIPE
FLTH MGMT
HILL BILY

BTW, Bad lawyer @11:52: is irritating inanities code for small boobies?

Anonymous said...

I wish I knew what was going on here.

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

I don't think he was even trying on the quiz today, though if he hadn't linked the wrong video for the #5 question, answering question #6 would have required a pure guess.

Anonymous said...

A new bikesnob book? Will you include the crayons this time?

Anonymous said...

Giro?
Isn't that a Greek dish? What the hell does it have to do with Italians now?

Anonymous said...

S. J. Perelman! I knew there was some reason I loved your writing!

wishiwasmerckx said...

It's Friday, so what the hell...watched a few other Liz Hatch videos, and they confirmed what I long feared and suspected...those wonderful chest pillows are plant-ons.

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd!

with the hive mind that is the commentariat here / plus the the epic research department that is underneath the Bicycling Magazine Silo, could we please locate the actual humanoid used as a model in the TTTSWRFFTPT
and have an interview with him please. Please? When's he agonna show up here?

LK said...

the bathroom guy rides a bike:

http://bit.ly/iefRNg

campbell fdy said...

What if, once this humanoid is found, an edit is made of him being action wiped. That action wipe and the video of the action wiping is the third prize?

g-roc said...

I see Liz but I hear Sarah Palin.

leroy said...

Oh dear. I think I saw my future in that last question. If I'm lucky.

Ride safe, ride happy all!

And call your mother.

Anonymous said...

....Dutch is the new code word for Samh taint, otherwise known as 'honey can I spiral your ham'

....'It taint like the chocolat lollies with the creamy center daddy gave me'

...If you are offended give 'the Donald' a call and remind him that the 'KY Viagra Boner Cream' was just a silly little joke.

-angry dragon

TTTSWRFFTPT said...

i THINK THEY'RE SCREWING ME OUT OF RESIDUALS!

g-roc said...

Snob, nice Giro post. Go Teams Lay-o-pard Trek. Team Leopard Trek can suck it.

Anonymous said...

I don't want to win Liz's Action Wipe, but I do want to see her boobs. Is that wrong?

Anonymous said...

That can't be Liz Hatch, she didn't have her jersey unzipped !

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