Tuesday, May 17, 2011

This Just In: Leave-Taking and Decision-Making

Firstly, I should let you know that after today, I will be taking a short leave from this blog. This means I will not be posting here again until Monday, May 23rd, at which point I will resume regular updates. However, please note that I will continue to update my daily Bicycling.com Giro d'Italia blog during this time. Also, rest assured I will not be using this leave frivolously, and among other things I plan to finally complete my search for some lugged spokes for my artisanal porteur bike. (It's gonna be total "NAHBS bait.")

Secondly, in yesterday's post I mentioned I will be at the Göteborg Cycel Festival on June 11th, and a number of people subsequently pointed out that I misspelled the city name "Göteborg" by somehow sticking a gratuitous "r" in there. I have since corrected it, and I apologize for the error. At least one person wondered why I didn't just use the anglicized name "Gothenburg," though I think the answer to that is pretty obvious: I wanted to use the umlauts. Also, by way of an excuse, please keep in mind that I'm a product of the American education system. Our schools have only been racially integrated since like 1998, and you can still get sent to the principal's office for implying we may be descended from monkeys, or that condoms are not heathen devil bags. So if you think we actually learn how to spell the names of cities in other countries you're crazy--and also a godless communist, at least according to what I learned in social studies.

Still, I feel terrible, and so as a punishment-slash-learning exercise I made myself write "Göteborg" correctly 100 times. Sadly, though, my attention span is just as tiny as it was in ninth grade, and I kind of got carried away thanks to the umlauts:

As you can see, I can't spell or draw, which is why I eventually became a bike blogger. For further punishment, I assigned myself a five-page report on Göteborg, which I plan to cut and paste entirely from Wikipedia.

Speaking of international incidents, I got one of those spammy scam emails this morning, and I noticed that the scammers are now using some sort of key word technology to customize their missives:

I'm sorry for this odd request because it might get to you too urgent
but it's because of the situation of things right now, I am stuck in
Cardiff,Wales where i came to purchase some bicycle. I was robbed at
the park of the hotel where I stayed,all cash,credit card and cell
were stolen away from me but luckily for me i still have my passports
with me.

I've been to the embassy and the Police here but they're not helping
issues at all and my flight leaves today but i am having problems
settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won't let me leave
until i settle the bills.

I need a quick loan?? promise to refund it back once i get home.


I knew immediately this was fake for one simple reason:

It's Cardiff, Whales. Duh.

Nevertheless, I was intrigued by the "some bicycle" part. Does the scammer mean "some bicycle" as in "I have to go to Cardiff to pick up some bicycle I just bought on Craigslist?" Or does he actually mean multiple bicycles, as in "Me want to buy some bicycle?" This is an important distinction, because if it's the latter than I'm pretty sure the scammer is my 9th grade English teacher and I should probably report him to the authorities.

Meanwhile, here in Canada's fannypack, a reader informs me that New York City's affable neighbor Philadelphia is like totally stepping up their bicycle enforcement just like we are (they're so cyuuute! I just want to pinch that little Liberty Bell of theirs):

The main difference though is that the police are apparently making a point of ticketing motorists and cyclists--and they're not calling the cyclists "jerks:"

Police officers on bikes and one patrol car will circulate through Center City between 12-4pm educating pedestrians, motorists and bicyclists about the rules of the road and enforcing traffic laws. Brochures have been developed tailored to each user that summarize the rules and will be handed out to walkers, motorists and cyclists. Motorists and cyclists who put others in danger will be ticketed.

I like the part about ticketing "cyclists who put others in danger." If that were actually the basis for ticketing it would be almost impossible to get one while cycling. This is the fundamental irony of American cycling--maintaining the pretense that bicycles and cars are the same and should thus be subject to the same punitive schedule.

What's even more ironic is that a poor student like me who can't even spell rite actually published a book, but isn't that what makes America grate? In fact, my publisher, Chronicle Books, is now publishing more bicycle-themed titles, and I just received a couple of them in the mail. One of these is "I Love My Bike" by Matt Finkle & Brittain Sullivan, and while I apologize for my poor photography I can assure you the book itself boasts top-shelf aesthetics. (Sure, I could learn how to take better pictures, but I didn't become a bike blogger to work.) It's also pretty much exactly what I imagine the Bard College yearbook must look like:

"I Love My Bike" is a series of portraits of people with their bikes, and it's sort of a "who's who" of hipster transplants who have moved from "uncool" cities to "cool" ones:

There's also the requisite Ironic Hipster Nudity (IHN):


As well as a little bit of Fred content, if you're into that sort of thing:

Again, please don't think the poor photos are indicative of the book, and I can assure you that the book inspired the disembodied hand model above to not only say, "Bike, bike, bike!" repeatedly but also to slobber all over most of the photos. I will say I was sort of offended that nobody asked me to be in the book, and while my "fixie" is not even remotely "tight" enough, I would have at least liked a shot at being the token Fred--though from the looks of that last photo the guy they did find totally nailed it.

Meanwhile, a reader has forwarded me a MSN photo gallery of celebrities on bikes, complete with snarky commentary. While some of the images are truly ridiculous, I thought some of the commentary was unwarranted. Consider this one:

"Matthew Broderick embraces the nerdy dad look as he bikes around New York."

"Nerdy dad look" seems a little unfair, he just looks like a regular guy on a bike to me. Sure, he's riding off the sidewalk, and I suppose he does look a little nonplussed, but if you had to endure people shouting "Hey, Ferris!" at you for 25 years you'd be pretty ornery too. And somehow, Matthew Broderick is a nerd, yet they're OK with Ewan McGregor, who looks like he just got dropped from the tweed ride:

"Could anything be cuter than a well-dressed Ewan McGregor biking with an adorable little poodle in his basket? We think not."

Go figure.

Still, it's easy for the media to point and laugh at celebrities on bicycles, since here in Mexico's mullet we're supposed to travel in ludicrously expensive automobiles once we've attained a certain level of success. Or, if you do ride a bike, you've at least got to be unbearably smug about it, as in this video which was forwarded to me by another reader:



My favorite moment is either 1:27, when the guy with no lights gets so overcome with smugness that he goes all Leonardo-DiCaprio-on-the-bow-of-the-Titanic with an "epic" doucheclamation point:

Or 1:46, where the Freds look like they're about to cry:

Anyway, be sure to donate to People for Bikes, so they can make more cutesy videos.

Lastly, before I take my leave for the week, I should share with you some more submissions to the "There Will Be Action Wipes" contest:

Please keep in mind that I'm no longer accepting submissions, and when I return I will set about choosing the winners--though, as you can see, I've got my work "curated" out for me. Here's a lovely collage from Rantwick:


Here's a symbol that evokes mysticism, and comes from an unlikely source:


Bike Snob, please wade with me through this, my magnum opus:

* Triangular schematic evokes triathleticism, triathletic food pyramid (beginning at the top: drink, bar, wafer, cube, shot, and gel)

* Cephalic ovoid approximates ideal airfoil shape of polystyrene/cranial composite while simultaneously symbolizing the Interstellar Tridorkian Fred Delivery Device (ITFDD or, colloquially, "Subaru Baja") beaming the retro-Fred and his alien ferrous alloy technology to earth

The broad strokes of this work may also be interpreted by the casual observer as representative of Tridorkian reproductive apparatus, specially evolved to withstand grueling half-centuries astride a Selle Italia Turbo saddle. Due to the time-travelling nature of the Tridorkian people, this motif also informs the symbology of the Illuminati.


Thank you for your consideration.

Noam Chomsky


I'm pretty sure it's actually him, too.

Here's one that's far more prosaic, though no less delightful:


Bold. Simple. Classic.

Here's one that the submitter was considerate enough to furnish in both "NSFW:"


And Larry King-ified form:




And here's one based on the infamous "trrainright.com" advertisement in Bicycling:



Which is a work of unparalleled subtlety:


I hope to have acquired some sort of handle on the submissions when I return next week.



151 comments:

Anonymous said...

What now?

Twistyface said...

Pode!

Brian said...

Am I cool yet?

Anonymous said...

Ca va bien?

Anonymous said...

cinq?

Anonymous said...

Weening!

Anonymous said...

Top Ten!

Anonymous said...

top 10

ringcycles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kenny Banya said...

top tennish

Anonymous said...

huggy top 10

ringcycles said...

e deici

samh said...

Sayonara. See you soon.

Anonymous said...

Be sure to try the meatballs!!!!

Anonymous said...

BÖRK BÖRK BÖRK!

mikeweb said...

Time to move to Philly.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

My favorite Arnold movie is Total Recall.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

Vinci Mark-ah Cavendeesh-ah!!!!

Devlin McGuinty said...

Would you believe the same guy who had a bastard child with his maid could look this dorky on a bike? http://on-msn.com/lK6spe

crosspalms said...

I think Matthew Broderick looks concerned because if Sarah Jessica finds out he's been sharing page space with Recumbabe she may lug his spokes out to the curb.
Safe trip and enjoy the herring!

Marcel Da Chump said...

Have a Swede ride.

Anonymous said...

Yot-e-borry.

Terre Haute Karl said...

Before heaping too much praise on the Philadelphia PD you should check out the documentary that was on PBS. Pretty frightening how uneducated, unprofessional, immature, etc, etc they are. Off the top of my head I remember a scene where on recruit was making fart noises during some training class, and later on while on patrol stopped to talk to a random homeless guy on the street and ended up beating the shit out of him for no reason.

crosspalms said...

All this talk of Sweden makes me think of a song my grandmother used to sing:
"Oh, ve vent avay in da vintatime
to da villowy hills vere da vind blows,
vere da vimminfolk ride velocipedes
on da vindowsills in da vintatime."
She wasn't Swedish, she just liked the song

Chazu said...

Try the lingonberries while you are "over there".

You may not be able to avoid them.

Dan O said...

Top 30! Man, I'm slow...

Udder said...

You will feel right at home in Sweden. After all, you've visited Portland. Socialism is the same everywhere.

Anonymous said...

I love philly because I love white boys with fades. And basketball shorts. Two for one.

streepo said...

Is it really true that David Byrne does not have a car?

need_for_intellectual_freedom said...

1. Ewan's dog is probably a bichon. Note the big, boxy head.

2. bold simple classic tridork works for me.

3. Rodales loves their he's-not-a-felon-because-he-didn't-get-busted scammers like Carmichael. Carmichael doped Juniors and under-23's along with Rene Wenzel. Take the dope, or leave the team was the motto. Between Carmichael, Weisel, and a couple of Stapletons you've got yourself a real den of theives. Look it up.

OBA said...

FLAT PACK

Harald Fairhair said...

Watch out for Norwegian terrorists in Sweden. If you see a hang glider trying to fly into a building, run.

Stein said...

Careful with the Aquavit! Uff Da!

Luke said...

Too bad you are leaving us again. Who will satirize this douchebag's request for us now?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/2384015415.html

Favorite part: :"I would like this bike as soon as possible but i definitely need it by next month."

Friendo said...

GOTE BORG
FRIV OLUS
DEVIL BAGS
SPAM SCAM
TITE FIXI
TOKN FRED

Gordon Sumner said...

Why won't the Police halp that poor guy in Whales? They are like a totally awesome band...

grog said...

multi Babes. thank you.
bon voyage, don't eat the yak, or the gnu, or the moose.

hillbilly said...

have a great trip

Anonymous said...

Re: the craigslist ad.

The beauty of the ad is the compounding douche baggery. Witnesseth:

"fixed gears -12t/18t rear, 50t front" Awesome 30rpm's, dude!

"bike is not for racing. It is for semi-long road rides. 150 miles on weekdays, 300 miles on weekends." Riiiiight.... Oh to see this princely douche bag at the end of his first mythical 300 mi. weekend. Never to be seen again.

ABBA said...

That CL douche just wants to get a guy alone in his apartment with bike tools at his disposal.

The Atheist said...

I asked god for a new bike and he delivered.

Whatever.

Jonah Gibson said...

I don't know. To me the guy in the glasses doesn't look like Broderick, and the guy in the flat cap doesn't look like McGregor...so just pictures of random dudes that somebody decided to turn into celebrity sightings. Meanwhile, the naked woman on the recumbent is totally Yoko, only either that picture was taken 20 years ago or she's had some work done.

Fallen Seraphim said...

Power wipes 30-watts
off of my average shower
out-spout!

Twistyface said...

@ Anonymous 1.15 - I loved the posium announcer too - "Vinci Mark-ah CavendEEsh-AH!".

Not to mention the way he cheekily sprayed his fizz over the delighted podium girls...

Anonymous said...

welcome back, oh sorry you didn't leave yet, no wonder I didn't notice you were gone.

LK said...

Biff Stroganoff and Kroppkaka and Lingonberries. Sigh.

I am not a swedish engine said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WezjQGEWj4

I think you should quit doodling and start doing some homework on what to do in sweden.

Don't start here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swedish_Chef

Stupid Name said...

http://www.europetravelhub.com/sweden/famous-places-visit/

Anonymous said...

You managed to spell Göteborg correctly, but cykelfestival is one word and with a "k" in it

/the Swedish Language Police (SLP)

World Wrestling Entertainment said...

I thought Biff Stroganoff worked for me.

Snorri Sturleson said...

Wow, Swedes can talk now! Who knew?

rth said...

I saw two cyclists get ticketed in Philadelphia yesterday. Annnnnd, not surprisingly, the cyclists were not doing anything illegal. The cyclists were riding AROUND - not WITHIN - Rittenhouse Park, which is totally legal last time I inquired. A goon squad of eight (8!) bike cops in pale blue polo shirts rolled up on their Treks and started handing out tickets for this non-offense. Suddenly, the cops sped off THROUGH the park, down the narrow, sinuous paths, scaring pigeons and kids alike, presumably to another "bike emergency".
Yet "worshipers" are allowed to uses bike lanes as parking spaces all weekend long, focing vulnerable cyclists out into high-speed traffic.

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

yofilly said...

Enjoy your break. And for God's sake whatever you do, do NOT complete a triathlon. Stay alert.

Philly rules!

Terre Haute Karl said...

@Friendo DEVIL = 5 letters

Anonymous said...

Sweden is the 11th June, not now!

Anonymous said...

dgfdgfdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfsdgfs

Göteborg said...

I have to wait 3 more weeks for Snob to arrive? Bummer.

Anonymous said...

weren´t we descended from freds??

Burt Reynolds 531 said...

Thank you, Anon 5:16! I was beginning to think I had missed a memo or something.

Snob's Rabbi said...

For those of you not in the know, the Snobbatical corresponds with the Jewish holiday Lag Ba'Omer.

ktrueman said...

Spelling Goteborg is one thing, pronouncing it is another. It actually sounds like Yoteborry. The Swedish exchange student who stayed with me set me right.

peter bjorn said...

Anon 6:12,
Yeah, but some of us are descended from barneys, while a select few are from joe rockheads.

Godd said...

O.K. I'll explain this one more time. We are not descendants of primates. They are descendants of US. And the aliens. Hairy aliens, that do not shave their legs to go faster thru the vacuum of outer space. And they were ugly. And stop spelling my name wrong.

TTTSWRFFTPT said...

god was just kidding,ok?

Bjorn Borg said...

WWTTTSWRFFTPTD?

Mats Sundin said...

Snob's Rabbi,
You're kidding me.
I thought he was Rastafarian!
Oy vey, I need a spliff.

leroy said...

Will there be a sequel to "I Love My Bike" titled "Then Why Don't You Marry It?" to be authored by Pee Wee Herman?

Or is that just asking for trouble from the DOMA crowd?

And is just me or is this weather making anyone else feel like a Norwegian Blue pining for the fjords?

bikesgonewild said...

...'bjorgen, bjorgen'...still working on my swedish so i'll be able to read bsnyc/pdx/sfo/sto/rtms's posts whilst he immerses himself in umlautian cycling culture next month...

...but, as has been mentioned - that is next month...

...speculation...where is the peripatetic decision maker taking his leave ???...

...thoughts/suggestions ???...

Philip Williamson said...

Luke 2:22. Thanks for linking to the $3000 douchetasm.

Anon 2:40. I agree on the fantastical 150 mi "SEMI-long" weekday rides (maybe he's maybe a bike messenger who only delivers to Connecticut), but 50/18 is a real gear. It's an honest 73" with 23mm tires.

50/12 is still a made-up fantasy gear.

7sp said...

I'm pretty sure "Gothenburg" is actually a teutonism.

David Henderson said...

Vour vrip vas veen VAPPROVED!

ce said...

Snob is doing a runner because he has used all the Action Wipes himself and has none left to give away.

3G said...

All of you artsy/creative/talented/funny as hell people that have submitted entries to this and other snobby contests...you are the reason the internet is great. I love it for the fact that now I can spit my coffee and laugh hysterically at any hour of any day thanks to some random stranger.

smashing!

Sean said...

"I asked god for a new bike and he delivered."

Apparently he didn't.

Twistyface said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Twistyface said...

@BGM - Snobby must be on some kind of Giro related junket: he is probably going to present that 'Mona Fingabanga' picture to Mr. Contador.

@Sean 7.13 - Try asking for something smaller first, like cycling socks, or new dustcaps? I've seen his posts on here, so it's only a matter of time.

May 18, 2011 7:38 AM

7sp said...

Also, any extraneous "r":s should preferably be piled on at the end ("Yoteborrrry") if you want to sound like a local.

Anonymous said...

Panties! Communists! Panties! Umlauts! Panties! Monkeys! Panties! These pretzels are making me thirsty! Have a great trip, Snob!

IamNotLance said...

Why on Earth do freds (like Glen Hays in the book) insist on wearing pro team kit? When I see team HTC doing a lead out for the final sprint in cotton Kmart shorts (the non-Martha-Stewart-approved ones) and a retro-fred T-shirt, then maybe, emphasis on maybe, I'll wear their kit.

StillAnonymous said...

P.S. Panties! Condoms! Panties!

Max von Sydow said...

It's actually the CYBORG PSYCHO FESTIVAL.
We're planning to kidnap Snob. Our country needs a funny man.

Poppa Wheelie said...

Monkey cycel descents in Whales sound really grate. Rite?

Anonymous said...

I thought Snob just came back from vacation? Crap, now what am I gonna read on my lunch break?

I hope the Swedes are nice and that he can partake of the local delicacies.

Poppa Wheelie said...

I wish I knew a good travul ajint, because now I really want to go.
Will I need a passport; biohlogical or other?
Could be trubble.

crosspalms said...

leroy,
don't know what your weather is, but my (Chicago) commute this morning was an 8-mile slog into a cold, drizzly north wind. Nailed to the perch indeed. But we do it because it's fun, don't we...

Not a lager lout said...

OOOM LOUT

Noam Chomsky said...

Those MSN pictures are the worst, why do all the "celebrities" look so doughy?

Anonymous said...

Don't they have the innernet over thee? You suck for not blogging every day . Now what, am I supposed to go back to the rivendell readers?

Anonymous said...

Could be a teutonism; when anglicised, o with an umlaut becomes oe in English, I think.

Don't forget to try salt liquorice.

hey nonny mouse

Jesper Parnevik said...

Let's face it, Snob is now a jet-setter. A celebrity. But we'll keep him in check. Won't we?

Jacob said...

I have to disagree with the comments about ticketing cyclists. Careless cyclists can easily endanger others. You may not be able to directly injure someone in a car (unless, of course, you fly through their windshield and head butt them or stab them in the neck with the broken wreckage of your bike), but there are lots of things cyclists can do to disrupt traffic that could lead to cars getting into accidents.

Then again, maybe I'm missing the exact point you're going for.

crazy_old_coot said...

Glenn Hayes' schtick is that the clothes vaguely match the color scheme of the bike.

Fredtastic? Sure. But, he's riding and by the looks of the bike, riding a long time. I'll defend him and every other color coordinated Fred out there if they are riding.

Lots of you @ssmunchers are guilty of the aggro attitude at cat6 speeds. It's about time for that to stop.

Ingemar Johanssen said...

Ride your guts out
push those lungs
work that heart
suffer sweetly
the quick release of your soul.

bubba said...

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/rodomontade

wishiwasmerckx said...

Crazy old coot, it is not the team kit per se that makes Glenn a Fred. It is the triple chainring, the jaunty angle of the stem, and the XXL derailleur cage on the bike, not to mention the mismatched helmet and Olivia Newton John's leg warmers scrunched up around his wrists.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Oh, and did I mention the overstuffed jersey pockets, the frame-mounted two-and-a-half foot pump, and the helmet straps over the sunglass arms?

w said...

And, while I am at it...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...let's just call it...

wishiwasmerckx said...

...100, bitches...

Jase said...

NOAM CHOM

wherever action wipes are up for grabs, there he'll be.

Burt Reynolds 531 said...

You are right, wiwm. The team kit just makes him look like a dork. Not the same thing as a fred.

Godd said...

Do unto Freds as you would have Freds do unto you.

Marcel Da Chump said...

I know a sane old cyclist coot who happens to be a great photographer-- Alex Harsley. He exhibits his work at the 4th st Gallery in NYC. There, you'll find photographs of velodromre races at Madison Squre Garden from the 1950's. His prices are a bargain and they are beautiful.
I bought a portrait he made of Jean Michel Basquiat for $150 (I saw a photo of Basquiat made by some 80's scenster priced at $2000 at a Chelsea art gallery).
He's got photographs of Central Park cycling races from the 70's!

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

Top one ten.

leroy said...

Crosspalms --

Here in New York, The Bronx has changed its "Ride Your Bike To Work Day" event to an "If It Rains, Take The Bus Day" event.

It's true. Got the email this morning.

I think BSNYC took a few days off to build an ark.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Leroy, strange you should say that. It POURED rain in the desert today. Hmmm...

Rhyso said...

They seem to have put the TTTSWRFFTPT on the cover of the "Give Respect, Get Respect" brochure. They should be considered in the submission.

One-Leg Chris said...

the i love my bike fred is about to get plowed by that car

Jan! said...

This looks somewhat like Tri-Dork getting helped by E.T., if you ask me. Which you don't.

bikesgonewild said...

...@crazy_old_coot & wishiwasmerckx...

...as regards the case of mister glenn hays...first off, why wouldst one take the time to 'try' & match a pro-team kit, obviously from a different era than the bike & yet not choose tires that match or nicely contrast & thus compliment anything else on the bike ???...strike one creates two strikes against...

...& with everything mentioned, you erudite gentlemen forgot the kicker...literally...toeclips...

...if mister hays were to expend the energy to suss out a stylish retro kit from that bikes era, in a color complimentary to said machine, i'd suggest that he might propel hisself out of dorky 'fred-dom' into a whole new level of cool retro-smarm...

...just sayin'...

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd!
I was in NY these last few days...get yrself some raingear new york cyclists! Raingear includes rainpants! - too many just wearing jackets and wet jeans. And without my mudflap...I'd have dissolved. Fer sure Fredness, but very useful. Not too aero though. Cat 7?

Marcel Da Chump said...

Leroy,
The recent NYPD ticket bitz on cycist only netted six--6!--violations in the Bronx. I follow the traffic laws otherwise they would've gotten seven. That's right: the Bronx is a no man's land for cyclist. No hipster fixie riders. No beautiful godzillas. No portagers. No commuters. It's just me and some guys delivering food. Occasinally some club riders pass through on their way to Westchester County.
Everyone looks at me like I'm a chump when I ride.
I love it anyway.

ce said...

Even though Snob has abandoned his obligations for five days (ok, three days, but I really think he should be posting on the weekends), you may still find it in your hearts to vote for him here. As there are no "Monkey Assisted", "Recumbent Babes", or "Biek Culture" categories I guess you would vote in the "Lifestyle" category. Obviously, Bike Snob NYC is not listed in the premium selection of blogs on the voting form, being crap as it is, so you have to type it into the "Other" box.

ce said...

Oh yeah, I hear the winning prize is Action Wipes.

crazy_old_coot said...

Oh, it's on!

Pick nits about glenn hays' toeclips, leg warmers and the rest. You make my point for me.

You @ssmunchers are merciless in your criticism because he's not keeping up with what's fashionable. It's horrible! Isn't there a charity for the Glenn Hays' of the world?

That's classic cat 6 aggro B.S. and it drives away the exact people we need, casual riders enjoying cycling. 1 or 1000 Glenn Hays, the more the merrier and the more likely cyclists catch a break in your local autopia.

Keep it up boys and non-competitive cycling remains the middle school playground it's been for too long.

jarvinho said...

Did my previous comment get deleted?
That's not very nice. It wasn't rude.

Anonymous said...

What the heck does descending from monkeys have to do with learning how to spell German towns?

crosspalms said...

Calm down, Coot -- Hays looks like a guy who can take care of himself. Besides, between the photo of him, WIWM's dissection of his Fredliness, and this Wikipedia page I have come to confront my own Fredditude. Except for the team kit and the Olivia Newton John accessories, Hays and I match up pretty well. And I even have a couple of jerseys that wildly misrepresent my abilities. I'd post a photo, but I'm plainly too sensitive to deal with the mockery we all invite by coming here in the first place.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Crazy old coot, I am afraid that you miss the point entirely.

Glenn is welcome to ride anywhere at any time. He is not, however, entitled to dress in a full pro kit, thereby impersonating a true professional rider. This mandates that his abilities and equipment be equal to the representation he is making to other riders and the public at large.

This is the same reason that no serious amateur cyclist rides in a Tour de France yellow jersey, even though they are widely available for sale. They recognize that this is something that you earn, not attain through common commerce.

Sure, there is nothing wrong with a Yankees fan going to the stadium in a Yankees cap and jersey to show his support for the team. But if that fan shows up at the stadium with the matching pinstriped knickers, stirrup socks, eyeblack and a ballglove, don't you start to wonder?

Glenn should stick with more pedestrian cycling garb. The team jersey is o.k., but the whole kit is over the top.

Stefan Edberg said...

There are some BEAUTIFUL LADIES ON BIKES posted on The Sartorialist blog today;

Keep the comments clean or they won't be published.

I am a sick puppy engine said...

I don't want no action wipe, just some Liz spit on a shop cloth would make me a happy man.

bikesgonewild said...

...@crazy_old_coot...yep, those comments by a few of us went 'zoom', straight over the top...of your head...

...the 'regulars' here are pretty much nothing, if not encouraging to other cyclists...even, gulp, recumbent riders (did i really say that ???)...

...while a 'freds' fantasies are often a faux pas, with a little tweaking (not the drug kind) they can be set on the road (or trail) to miles n' miles of (less painful to others) cycling...

Flash said...

Read about the East Bay Bike Party!
(Oakland CA) in Flashblog

http://flashblog2011.blogspot.com/

Nilsson Schmilsson said...

Saw this guy in a pro kit on a Scattante riding around the upper east side of Manhattan, like he was in a criterium. He was racing in his head or an imaginary group of riders. And he'd yell at the cars for being in his line. I was at a pizza shop munching on a couple of slices. He would pass by about every five minutes. Each time I saw him, I kinda winced in pain.

J Scott's failed engine. said...

Where am I. O, where I do not belong.

Twistyface said...

I know where Snob is: saw him dressed as DIDI in pink on the Grossglockner just now....

Erik Lundquist said...

Isn't HE pretty in pink?

crosspalms said...

Nice take-down of Best Made here

Swedish swimsuit model said...

I'm new to professional cycling.
Is there a team named Sexy Bank?

grog said...

Action Wipes are a great product! They wipe in a laterally stiff way with vertically compliant action.
Viva le Fred !

Elmer Diktonius said...

If the world does end tomorrow; I must say, it was great hangin' with you all.
You are the best people on Earth.

Anonymous said...

Facts for Lance

I, like most fans of cycling, have wanted to believe that Lance Armstrong was not guilty. This website he has started sure makes him look guilty.

Add to this George Hincapie is now saying there was doping going on. The balance of credibility sure is starting to tilt the other way. Lance's response is not to present actual facts as much as it is to try to bite back.

I am as sick of all the doping problems as everyone else, but this website is just too much of an insult to my intelligence for me to not say anything. If you read this Lance, it would be better to have just not said a thing than to have someone create that website.

swedish fish said...

win at all co$t:
$ucce$$
$ucce$$
$ucce$$
doesn't matter
I'm $hattered

Twistyface said...

I know I'm a bit late, and off topic, but bid anyone else think that Gadret looked like Madonna when he won Stage 11 of the Giro?

running_on_ice said...

http://cgi.ebay.ca/PINARELLO-PRINCE-ORANGE-FLUO-SIZE-50-/290565740974?pt=FR_JG_Sports_Cyclisme_V%C3%A9los&hash=item43a71159ae#ht_500wt_1156

Anonymous said...

Attention seeking fool alert:
http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/mobile/?type=story&id=2015080513&

Mr. Volvo said...

Guys like Glenn Hays keep the bike biz in business. Those of us who appreciate elite athleticism know Glenn would vomit climbing a Cat 1 mountain and shit in his shorts descending. But he can daydream going up the hill in the park. That's his hard-earned right.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Well apparently the world didn't end. I'm still here and I bet I ain't the only one.

Anyway a while back frilly said she was participating in a triathalon this weekend! Since I'm still here I be waiting with baited breath.

ken e. said...

(chanting) go frilly, go frilly!

The Domestic said...

How do you know if you're a Fred?

Nogocyclist said...

@The Domestic, The way to know if you are a Fred is really quite simple. If you "KNOW" you are "NOT" a Fred....Then you ARE a Fred.

ce said...

So I guess you've all heard the shattering news regarding the great hero of cycling. Yep, it seems TTTWRFFTPT is a drug cheat.

ce said...

We can now safely assume that he never was time travelling... just tripping out.

ce said...

And now everyone is asking the questions. Will TTTWRFFTPT be stripped of his yellow t-shirt, doomed to ride topless on the recumbent of social outcastedness for ever more? Will history remember TTTWRFFTPT kindly, he who once purported to have mastery over its ebb and flow?

Twistyface said...

@ ce: Have you got a book to plug? Has it got stickers in it?

I want to hear TTTWRFFTPT's side of the story...

ce said...

Twistyface, you've got me. I am in fact the ghost writer of TTTWRFFTPT's soon to be released autobiography "Positively Fred". Stickers are included and look something like this

shoegazer said...

Sir Snobby, Well done on the Corrosion of Conformity reference. I sincerely couldn't believe it - Wow! cheers!

ekle paylas said...

nice blog Thanks for sharing. voicesohbet was really very nice.
sesli chat siteleri sesli sohbet
sesli sohbet siteleri sesli chat
seslichat seslisohbet
sesli siteleri chat siteleri
sohbet siteleri sesli siteler
voice sohbet sesli sohbet siteleri
sesli sohbet seslisohbet
sohbet siteleri sesli chat siteleri
seslichat sesli chat
herkesburda herkes burda
sohbetmerkezi sohbetmerkezi

Fixie Bikes said...

Hell yeah, slayer!!