BSNYC Friday Kosher Vegan Pig Roast!

As I mentioned not too long ago, I'll be visiting and speaking at the Göteborgs Cykelfestival in Göteborg (or "Gothenburg" in English), Sverige (or "Ikea" in English) on June 11th:

I'm tremendously excited about this for three reasons:

1) Gothenburg is like 400 times cooler than Stockholm;

2) I once owned a used Saab and plan to exact my revenge on the people of Sweden through acts of petty vandalism;

3) I will be missing the World Naked Bike Ride NYC.

That last item I only just learned via the Twitter, and it's easily the sweetest part of the deal. Simply put, you cannot put enough water between a bunch of sweaty naked bike dorks and me, though the Atlantic Ocean and the North Sea is a pretty good start. Watching this video fills me with a revulsion it is difficult for me to articulate without actually regurgitating partially-digested food in the process:



First of all, I don't know why they call it the "World Naked Bike Ride," when it should obviously be called "The Day of the Chafed Genitals:"

Just like last year, I'm sure the ride will be full of the sorts of people who spend up to seven hours a day changing the world by using the free Wi-Fi in coffee shops, and I'm also sure there will be lots of soullessly exuberant index-finger-in-the-air dancing:

People with no reason to live will also martyr themselves in front of taxicabs:

Then the survivors will all jump into a fountain, scrounge around in it for some change, and attempt to buy back at least some portion of their dignity:

I really hope the city cleaned that fountain.

Speaking of cycling in New York City, I cycled in New York City yesterday, and now that the weather's pleasant there's an honest-to-Lob bicycle rush hour:

I also saw a brace of Bromptons:

One of the Bromptonites scolded a woman who stepped into the bike lane. "This is not a sidewalk," she admonished. Now, I'm as irritated by pedestrians in the bike lane as anybody, but there are certain places where you should hold the smugness in abeyance and Chinatown is one of them. Sometimes you've got to respect the character of a neighborhood, even if it's annoying. Pedestrians have been walking in the streets of Chinatown for generations, and one cranky commuter on a clown bike is not going to change that.

Back in Brooklyn, I was overtaken by a man in a purple shirt riding an electric chopper bike complete with coffin tank, and by the time I fished my camera out of my pants pocket he'd gotten about ten bike lengths on me:

He zoomed by me with preternatural calm, and his face bore the same look of sublime contentment as The Lone Wolf or the Recumbabe. I thought I'd seen the last of him, but then he zipped by me again a little while later:

(Yes, that's his hair.)

I'm not normally a fan of electric bicycles, but this purple-shirted commuting Cancellara with his "groovy assist" was all right by me.

Lastly, I should mention two things: 1) It's a holiday weekend here in Canada's wood-paneled basement, so in observance of Memorial Day I won't be posting on Monday, but will be back on Tuesday with regular updates; and 2) Next week I will finally endeavor to declare the winners of the "There Will Be Action Wipes" contest since I'm sure dozens of people are eagerly awaiting the results.

Now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see Crucial Couriers.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and enjoy the holiday weekend.

--BSNYC/RTMS

1) Retro-Fred Bread (in the pumpernickel flavorway), spotted by a reader in:

--Montreal

--Calgary
--Toronto
--The future

2) Investment opportunity! Buy a "high speed bicycle patent" for only:

--$100.00

--$1,000.00

--$100,000.00

--$10,000,000.00

(Clothesline!)

3) Air-drying your clothing now qualifies as an "opportunity for creative expression."

--True
--False

4) Why is this person running?

--He's an urban triathlete

--He's fleeing a rectal probe

--He's wearing a $22o shirt and that's just what you do

--All of the above

5) Vancouver, WA is stepping up enforcement of its bicycle:

--Brake law

--Light law

--Helmet law

--Helment law

("So stoked! I'll take 30.")

6) More great news for hipsters! Now you can buy:

--Personalized pie plates

--Invisible brakes

--Aftermarket valve caps

--A fixed cog-shaped breakfast cereal called "Hipster-Os"

7) No saddlebag is complete without a:

--Patch kit

--Multitool

--Ukulele

--Pellet gun

***Special Fashion-Themed Bonus Question***

Fill in the blank: "We ______"

--Flashy

--Dorky

--Fredly

--Vesty