Friday, May 27, 2011

BSNYC Friday Kosher Vegan Pig Roast!

As I mentioned not too long ago, I'll be visiting and speaking at the Göteborgs Cykelfestival in Göteborg (or "Gothenburg" in English), Sverige (or "Ikea" in English) on June 11th:

I'm tremendously excited about this for three reasons:

1) Gothenburg is like 400 times cooler than Stockholm;
2) I once owned a used Saab and plan to exact my revenge on the people of Sweden through acts of petty vandalism;
3) I will be missing the World Naked Bike Ride NYC.

That last item I only just learned via the Twitter, and it's easily the sweetest part of the deal. Simply put, you cannot put enough water between a bunch of sweaty naked bike dorks and me, though the Atlantic Ocean and the North Sea is a pretty good start. Watching this video fills me with a revulsion it is difficult for me to articulate without actually regurgitating partially-digested food in the process:



First of all, I don't know why they call it the "World Naked Bike Ride," when it should obviously be called "The Day of the Chafed Genitals:"


Just like last year, I'm sure the ride will be full of the sorts of people who spend up to seven hours a day changing the world by using the free Wi-Fi in coffee shops, and I'm also sure there will be lots of soullessly exuberant index-finger-in-the-air dancing:

People with no reason to live will also martyr themselves in front of taxicabs:

Then the survivors will all jump into a fountain, scrounge around in it for some change, and attempt to buy back at least some portion of their dignity:

I really hope the city cleaned that fountain.

Speaking of cycling in New York City, I cycled in New York City yesterday, and now that the weather's pleasant there's an honest-to-Lob bicycle rush hour:

I also saw a brace of Bromptons:

One of the Bromptonites scolded a woman who stepped into the bike lane. "This is not a sidewalk," she admonished. Now, I'm as irritated by pedestrians in the bike lane as anybody, but there are certain places where you should hold the smugness in abeyance and Chinatown is one of them. Sometimes you've got to respect the character of a neighborhood, even if it's annoying. Pedestrians have been walking in the streets of Chinatown for generations, and one cranky commuter on a clown bike is not going to change that.

Back in Brooklyn, I was overtaken by a man in a purple shirt riding an electric chopper bike complete with coffin tank, and by the time I fished my camera out of my pants pocket he'd gotten about ten bike lengths on me:

He zoomed by me with preternatural calm, and his face bore the same look of sublime contentment as The Lone Wolf or the Recumbabe. I thought I'd seen the last of him, but then he zipped by me again a little while later:

(Yes, that's his hair.)

I'm not normally a fan of electric bicycles, but this purple-shirted commuting Cancellara with his "groovy assist" was all right by me.

Lastly, I should mention two things: 1) It's a holiday weekend here in Canada's wood-paneled basement, so in observance of Memorial Day I won't be posting on Monday, but will be back on Tuesday with regular updates; and 2) Next week I will finally endeavor to declare the winners of the "There Will Be Action Wipes" contest since I'm sure dozens of people are eagerly awaiting the results.

Now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see Crucial Couriers.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and enjoy the holiday weekend.


--BSNYC/RTMS







1) Retro-Fred Bread (in the pumpernickel flavorway), spotted by a reader in:




2) Investment opportunity! Buy a "high speed bicycle patent" for only:




(Clothesline!)

3) Air-drying your clothing now qualifies as an "opportunity for creative expression."

--True
--False





4) Why is this person running?







5) Vancouver, WA is stepping up enforcement of its bicycle:






("So stoked! I'll take 30.")

6) More great news for hipsters! Now you can buy:







7) No saddlebag is complete without a:




***Special Fashion-Themed Bonus Question***



Fill in the blank: "We ______"


109 comments:

TOP said...

TOP ON THE PODIUM

Anonymous said...

Podium?

Stubbs said...

Woop!

Astroluc said...

top 5 ... just missed it

Turd Ferguson said...

I doped and still couldn't podium.

early bird said...

wheres my worm

Anonymous said...

wheel suckers

Anonymous said...

hey Lance what are you doing up front?

Anonymous said...

hey lance, jeff called and he wants his parking spot back

Anonymous said...

We are not Bromptonites -- we are Bromptoneers.

Anonymous said...

pre-lunch post snobby?

samh said...

Swervin' on my clown bike.

Rocky Mountain Chuck said...

4 out of 7! Helments for all!

That patent seems like an excellent deal. Transportation can be completely revolutionized in that "Basically, there is no limit to how fast you can go".

Except it also says top speed 120 mph. Is this some kind of trick? Or is 120 mph the actual speed of light in the land of the TTTSWRFFTPTD?

Chazu said...

Seeing the UN in the nekkid bike ride video reminds me of how it was never possible to hop the fence there late at night and run through the garden, past the twisted gun sculpture, and up to the building itself before noticing the motion sensors on the sidewalk and sprinting back to the relative security of the street. Nope. Such a thing was never possible, especially circa 1990.

Buffalo Bill said...

As my physics prof used to say: 'Consider a vehicle traveling on a frictionless surface in a perfect vacuum ...'

Under those conditions, that patent just might work!

(Back to my usual top 100 placing)

Jasper said...

Speaking of frictionless surfaces, at least riding naked cannot be co-opted by hipsters or curated. One hopes.

Astroluc said...

I thought they were Bromptonians?

Anonymous said...

This is the best patent I've ever read. Read about the history of the 120 mph bicycle:

"The advantage of having fewer legs thus ultimately is used up in continuously lifting the body upwardly. Legs also have an advantage in progressing over rough ground, provided an effective sight and obstacle avoidance system is incorporated into the animal as part of its onboard computer or computer guidance system, or brain. Humans, or homosapiens, discovered, or realized, somewhere on the Eurasian landmass more than five millennia ago that a round section of a tree trunk can roll along a smooth surface with a minimum of dissipated energy. This led after a time to simple two wheeled carts and then chariots. Strangely, the wheel concept was never discovered by the indigenous peoples of the new world, Australia and the Pacific Basin. However, in Eurasia, where it was, the necessity for cleared paths or roads which could accommodate wheeled vehicles drawn by animal or human power become gradually evident."

Anonymous said...

I was riding downtown on Lex last night and this friendly yutz surveyed my Brompton and said, ``Wow, you go pretty fast on those little wheels. Do you have an electric motor in there?''

I explained gear to wheel ratios. The light changed. I moved on.

cyclotourist said...

VEGA NPIG

west coast fred said...

Suck. Busy looking at pics.

Darryl Brown said...

Regarding number six: you can get personalized pie plates, too:
http://kottke.org/11/05/disposable-portraits

ce said...

120mph? You'd need a helment.

taint gettin off said...

The Bromptonians are also exhibiting the butt never leaves seat-on my tiptoes-method of waiting for the light. It makes my taint hurt just looking at it.

Maybe she enjoys it.

Marcel Da Chump said...

gangsta rap wheel sucka:
STRAIGHT OUTTA BROMPTON

ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Anonymous said...

Hey Lance, tell Johann I never got my white lunch bag today. What's up with that?

Twistyface said...

I would expect that any chap who holds a patent for unlikely bicycle performance would be able to spell 'summary'.

And in other, unrelated news...

Yesterday I saw someone on a Brompton copy: does that make it a "clown-bike-a-like"?

wishiwasmerckx said...

I shudder to think of the down-to-the-bone road rash you would get from crashing your bike on asphalt at 120 mph. Even if the technology is legit, why would you go 120 on a bike?

Save your money, because you will need that 10 million dollars to provide for your long-term care when you end up in a persistent vegetative state following your high-speed crash.

Twistyface said...

If I was going 120mph on a bike, then whoever was behind me would need to shower when they got in.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

No comment

Anonymous said...

Vancouver, WA (that's WA as in 'Washington State')??
Don't think so, Snobby; that there city be Vancouver, B.C. (that's B.C. as in "British Columbia").
Shome mishtake, surely?

portlandanonymous said...

the 'Couv "helment" headline has been unfortunately correcte

portlandanonymous said...

corrected

Anonymous said...

Whoops, my (1:00 p.m.) bad ... overlooked the explanatory banner. Ignore.

ce said...

Retro Bread From The Provincial Capital Toronto

Nebraska bike commuter (non-DWI edition) said...

Sucked on the quiz today. Feeling logy at the start of my 4 day weekend.

hillbilly said...

the good weekend have, rtms

Anonymous said...

Shout out from Burlington, VT. Haven't seen the Crucial folks today, but I do most days from my office window. Regardless of other things, gotta respect someone who launches a bicycle business in the middle of winter here.

Big E said...

What?

Anonymous said...

What, no purple valve caps?

Walter Sobchak said...

http://youtu.be/O2otNQA0Y0I

TTTSWRFFTPTD's fave!

ce said...

...and you'd also require wheels, brakes and frame engineered for the physical realities of that speed. Might as well include a motor. Actually, you might be able to fabricate some kind of radical 120mph motorised bike machine for less than One Million Dollars (Dr Evil voice). Perhaps someone in the world has already thought of the idea of a motorised bike machine and you could buy one off the showroom floor somewhere. That'd be cool, it'd be like you're living in the future. Such a dealership would most likely also sell jet packs, flying cars and the like.

Anonymous said...

"Don't be a Jerk!" or, Save Lives, which is the better message:

http://www.bicycletimesmag.com/content/safe-streets-save-lives

Chewbacca said...

I have my own Wookipedia page!

Jasper said...

Twistyface - finally we have found a use for the AG2R brown shorts...

Marcel Da Chump said...

70's classic rock:
Brompton Comes Alive!

yogisurf said...

Looks like a good time in GuTeNbUrG. Are you going to wear a berka AND a green commuter vest?

ken e. said...

wagering the $10 mil patent dude is a) named wil e. coyote
b) not aware of the laws of physics

MGIC GRBR
LTTL WEEL
BRMT NTUD

mikeweb said...

First illegal comment.

Have a great weekend all!

Anonymous said...

"...cranky commuter on a clownbike..."

Anonymous said...

NYCS UCKS

Marcel Da Chump said...

British New Wave:
THE BROMPTON RATS

Bleevo said...

folding bikes rule!

Anonymous said...

I'd like to see the $10 million patent guy demonstrate his invention.

Anonymous said...

Hiya,

I'd picked up on the fact that you were on a hiatus, but not that it was a very short one!

Anyway....if you want to do 120, buy a CBR600. And I put some comments on UK commutery stuff a couple of days back (following the bus/pickup/bike interface).

I have an NS400; it's rubbish at commuting, but it's very silly...

hey nonny mouse.

JDH said...

57! WOO HOO!!!

Vegas said...

Someone should tell these guys:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycling_records
If you can do 120 on an unfaired mountain bike, imagine how fast they'll go. hahaha

leroy said...

Why is it that the people who most want to be naked in public are the people you least want to see naked in public?

Ride safe all! (And don't forget the sun screen.)

Anonymous said...

Tell me why
I don’t like Mondays
Tell me why
I don’t like Mondays
Tell me why
I don’t like
I don’t like (Tell me why)
I don’t like Mondays
Tell me why
I don’t like
I don’t like (Tell me why)
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I wanna shoo-oo-oo-woo-woo-woot the whole day down

White Lunch Bag said...

You know you want it...

JDH said...

@leroy(is that LEE-roy, or la ROY?)anyways, you hit the nail on the head.

Anonymous said...

Actually, the Boomtown Rats were from Ireland. However, I suppose they were part of the British New Wave scene. Certainly sounded like it.

Anonymous said...

Bromptonauts is the preferred term, I think.

Anonymous said...

People - naked means no clothes, not wearing underwear without jeans and t shirt. Prudes.

Billy Cycle said...

Nice day for a...
White Lunch Bag.

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Cheap Web Design said...

Oh boy haha

Anonymous said...

http://img.ffffound.com/static-data/assets/6/3080cb8e6ff4c3f63a0214ec118bfb2b345b3fac_m.gif

David said...

I've never been on a naked bike ride, much less a World Naked Bike Ride, but the pictures I see--and trust me, as an old fart with a high-speed Internet connection and time on my hands, I've seen lots of them--look more like the World Underpants Bike Ride.

wheel balancing said...

There is a new trend growing in the green community - bicycle valets. While bicycle valets vary from area to area in design, personal, equipment and execution, they all share one common element - they create a bicycle friendly destination.

Anonymous said...

C'Mon Snob.
I want my Monday post. I'm hungry. Bitty!
What's the matter? Trouble on the homefront?

Anonymous said...

snob. the apocalypse. sweet goose and gander the apocalypse.
http://www.thecheapseats.ca/2011/05/new-favourite-sport-freestyle-canoeing.html

Indy Falconheads said...

Kosher Vegan Pig Roast.

Another great name for a band.

You are the best Snobby!

Indy Falconheads said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Honored, I think.

-Zack, Crucial Couriers

Hairy Melange said...

What?

Anonymous said...

Here what i found -> vision correction

SEO Company said...

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Fixie Bikes said...

This post was way to close to nude for me.

Melvinhhff said...

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Considering time limitations these loans are particularly designed above an obligation
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Issues such as defaults, arrears, bankruptcy, CCJs and even IVAs
are not regarded as here. Further, there are also no collaterals connected with these loans.
There is minimal paper work required on the portion of borrower.
There are also no hidden or additional documentation or faxing necessary right here.

Applying for these loans is also particularly handy.
Individuals basically require filling an on the internet form and as soon as
this gets authorized cash is received within 24 hours
time frame. These loans are in general supplied
below practical terms and situations. The general basic applicant criteria here is that they will need to be a UK resident
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your fiscal matters within a preferred distinct time period.
Thinking of time limitations these loans are particularly intended above an obligation free of charge platform.
As such, these are kept totally cost-free from credential checksums.
Troubles such as defaults, arrears, bankruptcy, CCJs
and even IVAs are not regarded here. Further, there are also no collaterals related with these loans.
There is minimal paper function expected on the portion of borrower.

There are also no hidden or additional documentation or
faxing essential here. Applying for these loans is also quite practical.
People basically require filling an internet form and
once this gets authorized money is received inside 24 hours time frame.
These loans are frequently supplied under hassle-free terms and conditions.
The general basic applicant criteria here is that they should be a
UK resident and of 18 years of age.
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you meet your fiscal troubles within a desired specific time period.

Thinking about time limitations these loans are specifically designed above
an obligation totally free platform. As such,
these are kept totally free of charge from credential checksums.
Matters such as defaults, arrears, bankruptcy, CCJs and even IVAs are not viewed as here.
Further, there are also no collaterals related with these loans.

There is minimal paper operate necessary on the component of borrower.

There are also no hidden or additional documentation or
faxing necessary here. Applying for these loans is also
incredibly handy. Consumers only demand filling an
on the internet type and once this gets approved cash is received within 24 hours time
frame. These loans are commonly supplied under handy terms and situations.
The general simple applicant criteria right here is that they should
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