Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Feeling Small: Big Tickets and Tiny Houses

When I was much younger, I enjoyed music that fostered in me a deep contempt for conformity as well as a suspicion of government institutions and authority figures.

In other words, I was a huge Madonna fan.

Sure, as an American I was oppressed only inasmuch as Al Gore's crazy wife wanted to censor my records, but nevertheless it seemed the height of injustice at the time. Over the years, I have abandoned many of the trappings of my petty adolescent rebellion (or re-"meh"-llion). I've sold my collection of Madonna "cassingles," I've recorded over my VHS copy of the cinema classic "Who's That Girl?," and I've relegated my pointy cone bra to the deepest recesses of my underpants drawer. Nevertheless, I still can't rid myself of my fundamental suspicion, which is this:

They don't like you.

So who's "They" anyway? Well, they're the forces of conformity and cultural vapidity of course: Tipper Gore, Ryan Seacrest, people who wear fitted caps, men who wear cologne and heavy gold bracelets, and so forth. Even without my armful of vacuum cleaner o-rings and my pointy cone bra, I know that they can smell my outsider status just as plainly as I can smell their Drakkar Noir. I've often tried to convince myself that my attitude is juvenile and inappropriate for a person my age. (I'm 76.) I've also tried to dismiss it as residual insecurity from my teenage years. However, even as an adult father of 19 and grandfather of 36 (all named Madonna, by the way), the evidence is overwhelming that they really don't like me--or you, or any of us.

Consider the latest chapter in the Great New York City Bicycle Crackdown, in which radar gun-wielding police recently ticketed cyclists in Central Park for a nonexistent 15mph speed limit:

To me, the most shocking revelation in this article is that the police actually possess some sort of futuristic gun that can tell them how fast stuff is going, since I always thought the only guns they carried were the ones that killed people. I find the existence of these so-called "radar guns" very encouraging. Not only are they non-lethal, but just imagine how much better the lives of all New Yorkers could be if they'd actually point them at cars and trucks--you know, the speeding vehicles that keep running people over and killing them--instead of at people exercising in the park. Because as they're using their radar guns now, it's the equivalent of having a cancer cure and only administering it to completely healthy dogs and cats.

Anyway, I can only draw one conclusion from all of this:

They don't like you.

From a cycling perspective, I'm deeply ashamed of New York City, which, after flirting with bike friendliness, has apparently instead settled on a policy of being completely bike-tarded. I'm also ashamed of myself, for after traveling to Austin and then to Seattle I found myself only happy to be home and in fact actually enjoying it. The snow was finally gone, the weather had finally improved, and I could once again enjoy the chain pharmacies and "dollar stores" and pizza places claiming to be the "original" Ray's for which New York is justly famous. Clearly though, I'm a sucker for forgetting that they don't like me and for not escaping when I had the chance, and it's only a matter of time before I end up serving a 20 year prison term for operating a bicycle in excess of 5mph without wearing full body armor.

So whither goest you (or however you'd say it) if you seekest true bike-friendliness? Well, American cyclocrossers would have you believe that Belgium is a cycling paradise, though in most cases their knowledge of that country goes no further than liking the beer and owning a Ridley. Still, a reader did just forward me an image of someone he claims is "the time-traveling t-shirt-wearing retro-Fred from the planet Tridork's Belgian cousin," so they may not be so far off:

Arguably any culture that can produce that is highly enlightened as far as cycling is concerned.

Somewhat less enlightened is Australia--though I suppose that's unfair to say, since I'm basing that conclusion on only two things:

1) Their nationwide bicycle helmet law (I hear you have to wear them even when you're thinking about riding a bicycle);

and

2) The fact that I don't understand them.

See, as a typical American, not only do I have a massively self-important victim complex over stupid things like album labeling and traffic tickets, but I also find other countries highly confusing. On the confusing spectrum, the countries that don't speak English are extremely confusing, whereas the countries that do speak English but are not America are merely very confusing. But of those very confusing English-speaking countries, the most confusing is Australia.

Take that Fyxomatosis guy, for example. Not only do I have no idea what "Fyxomatosis" means (I think it's a particularly virulent strain of hipster halitosis), but he also sends me emails from time to time and I can't make heads or "pants yabbies" out of those, either. Just this morning in fact I awoke to an email from him in which he called me a "cunt" like eight times, and besides "cunt" the only other words I understood were "Bruce," "shits," and "Australia." On top of that, you can't just email back and say, "What the hell are you talking about?," since on top of everything else Australia is all screwy with the time and their day is our night and our night is their day and you don't get a reply for like a week.

Anyway, eventually I just ran the damn thing through an online English-to-Australian translator, and I finally figured out he was asking me to mention some sort of ride he's putting together, so here you go:

I should mention I don't understand what this event is either, since as an American I also have no concept of "bike share." (Americans don't even understand the concepts of either "bicycling" or "sharing" by themselves, so when you actually combine the two we become hostile.) Still, I'm obliging Fyxomatosis guy, but only because I don't want him to keep calling me a "cunt." So there you go, Fyxomatosis guy, and best of luck with the event--or, as they say in Australia, "Go get your 'roo stick stuck in a Sheila, you vulva-breathed Bruce face." (I don't know how Australians even manage to communicate with each other at all without all their emails winding up in spam folders. Then again, everything's backwards there, so in Australia they probably think "spam" means "inbox.")

By the way, if you don't believe me about Australians being foul-mouthed, just take a look at this Australian eBay auction that was forwarded to me by a reader:

Once again, I have no idea what the seller is saying:

Hey guys and girls, up for sale is my 2007 (before the stupid integrated seatpost) FUJI TRACK PRO!
You'll notice, just by looking at the frame, that it has a custom paint job, which was done by Spray Ya Bike in Melbourne. It's gold, and has the word 'F**K' sprayed on the side in a black and glitter paint. The idea for this was that you could change the word fuji to f**k with just a little bit of texta, so when I got the custom paint, I went for the sparkly f**k, for lols.
The frame is very light, being alloy, and the fork is light AND strong, being carbon. Don't say carbon isn't strong, I've been hit over the head with carbon forks at my lbs and they didn't break.
The frame size is 58, which is the measurement center to top on the seat tube, and center to center on the top tube. This is the LARGE frame by fuji. The fork and rear bridge are undrilled, but, like, if you wanted to put a brake on there, you could drill it out easily enough, your local bike shop could do it for you.
Since it is a track bike, you can only run a ss or fixed gear hub on there, so it's not a road frame. Also, the geometry is very tight, very aggressive, and very racy, which is expected from a track bike.
The entire bike was $1600 new, and for just the frame with such a sweet custom paint job ($280), this is a reasonable Buy It Now price.
This has been raced in alleycat races and skidded in skid comps (my mate Ferg said I came 7th, but I was a little drunk that afternoon so I don't remember).
It's a quick beast, and is in good condition, except for a few tiny paint chips (the main one is pictured, it's on the top tube)
There is also a tiny dent from a barslap, but that was through tape, and I couldn't really get a photograph to show it, due to it's size (a few mm across, probably 1mm in)

Located in Narre Warren, pick up from Narre OR Armadale, but I can deliver within the S/E suburbs of Melbourne for $30, or meet you in the city for a longneck of VB ;-)

Oh yeah, I'm selling this to fund my new project, need some $$$$


Though for some reason I'm oddly captivated by his mention of "my mate Ferg," who manages to remain cognizant enough to tell him things like where he placed in the skid competition. I wonder if all Australians have the equivalent of "my mate Ferg"--sort of a preternaturally sagacious Jeevesian character who shepherds them through their near-constant blackouts. I'd ask Fyxomatosis guy, but he'd just call me a "cunt" again.

Granted, "cunt" may not be the insult in Australia that it is here in Canada's underpants, but nevertheless I was always taught that those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones (nor should they walk around in their underpants). However, it's perfectly fine to throw stones if you live in a tiny house, like this one which was built by a man named Derek Diedricksen and forwarded to me by another reader:

As I've mentioned, I'm like totally "down" with "shed culture," so I perused this gallery with interest. However, as a hardcore member of the shed culture I was obviously disgusted by them, since they are to sheds what "tarck" bikes are to regular bikes. Honestly, I don't really understand the point of these things, unless you've been looking for a dwelling that splits the difference between a tent and a shack. This is why I'm relatively certain you'll soon be able to buy these from the douches at Best Made Co., though they will be ridiculously expensive and require a Best Made Mortgage. (A Best Made Mortgage has a 50% APR and comes in a handmade presentation showcase.) Then, you too can be a dick Diedricksen in a box:

Actually, I do think these would be a huge hit in Portland, since people there could finally realize their lifelong dream of "portaging" their own artisanally scavanged house on their artisanally fabricated "porteur" bikes. With the power to not only swarm but also settle, Critical Mass could become "Critical Gentrification."

I wonder if I could portage one on my Big Dummy...

151 comments:

GPJ said...

first suckas

Brian said...

Clenbuterol!

Anonymous Coward said...

Top Teneel!

Geana said...

Here!

Anonymous said...

Balls.

le Correcteur said...

Top ten, at least! Now for the best part, reading it.

rfalso said...

FUci

nick said...

anm podium

Anonymous said...

Top ten

Burt Reynolds said...

Well of course the coffe in Liaison is free. Nobody would drink it otherwise. Portland it is not.

Pontius PIlate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Oldentard said...

I don't get it.

I am the yabbie engine said...

Madonna fan my ass, I think you are pulling my yabbies.

Mister Yabbie Pants said...

One note of caution on buying an Austrialian market frame. You will need to install the bottom bracket "backwards" because of the opposite threading. Unless you end up with a frame having Italian threads, in which case you are screwed. Mate.

Flatlander said...

If there ever was a Shed Snob this is it:
http://tinyhouseblog.com/timber-frame/dianas-innermost-house/

this is stefaan said...

his name, is stefaan. harden the fuck up, stefaan.

crosspalms said...

There's a story on the NYTimes website now about police actually going to a guy's house to apologize for having ticketed him. Speed limit for cars, 25. Unposted obscure speed limit for bikes when cars aren't around, 15. I'm sure I'll see the logic in that if I have some more coffee.

Anonymous said...

I used to call the local bar and have Mike Hunt paged.

"Is Mike Hunt here"
"Anyone seen Mike Hunt"

Snobbie, maybe he thought you were Mike.

Anonymous said...

Hey Ladies!!!!!!!!!

3G said...

I can haz tarck bike?

samh said...

I enjoyed reading this blog post while I was getting my 'roo stick stuck in a Sheila, you vulva-breathed Bruce face.

Breaker Morant said...

Don't shoot me in the cnut! Make it clean mates!

g-roc said...

So ... it's my adjustable cap that gives me away. Huh.

Hmm, if the strength of crabon has improved beyond one DFU to greater than one Australian Skull Unit (ASU), I'm converted. That's practically indestructible.

Anonymous said...

I have some important news for you.
I know this will come as a great shock, but here it is.

Cops or (Pigs in the 60's) hate everybody. and when I mean everybody. I especially mean themselves, and anybody who moves at a speed greater than a snails crawl. This includes all who ride schuffle or walk near bicycles.

Hence the battle cry "Don't Taze me bro".

Anonymous said...

"...the weather has finally proved..."

Proved what?

"...the weather has finally improved..."

hillbilly said...

the punchline is that the cops actually came to the ticketed cyclist's house to apology, i shit thee not, though it's still unclear what the speed limit actually is.

Anonymous said...

Mike Hunt is here...are you making fun of my hairlip?

mikeweb said...

Would've been here sooner but between keeping it under 15MPH, dismounting and walking in the crosswalk at red lights and giving right of way to all pedestrians when I have the green light it took me 3 hours to get across midtown.

Anonymous said...

DIRK HOFFMAN MOBILEHOMES

BikeSnobNYC said...

Hillbilly,

I'm glad my tax dollars are going towards overtime pay for cops forced to apologize to cyclists at their homes after giving them ridiculous tickets.

--RTMS

Anonymous said...

HARD CORE
PARK COPS
RADA RGUN

mikeweb said...

I hear that Chris Long is still waiting for the police to come to his house and apologize.

Anonymous said...

i wanna see the ev brogue in one of those portable outhouse-houses.

hillbilly said...

me too, snob, and the cure for cancer analogy was brilliant.

Anonymous said...

More new information! I thought that VB was only available in stubbies.

Sweet as.

hey nonny mouse

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Yesss they hates us, Precioussss!

Be careful with your conspiracy theories snob. You don't want to get creepy and repetitive too fast.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Original Snob said...

Looks like your Madonna cone bra ended up on Belgium tri-dorks head.

DROP KOOP

and for my Yakuza friends

VERK OOP

Mr Matt said...

mobile bike home? here ya go: http://bikeportland.org/2009/11/25/builder-brian-campbell-has-a-bike-trailer-home-for-you-26473

Stupid Name said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm5wYRUN2-8

Marcel Da Chump said...

"the douches at Best Made Co." great title for a documentary.
I like the micro-shed photo. Take away that dick's shit-eating grin and it looks like the work of Philip-Lorca diCorcia. I bet those douches at Best Made Co were going for that effect.

Udder said...

The next step: NYC will limit pilates classes to 15 minutes.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe New York's Fattest have stooped so low as to put a bike speed trap in central park. Are you fucking kidding me?

ringcycles said...

Does this mean that your next speaking engagment will be at the North American Hand Made Yurt Show?

Yurts are shed culture 2.0

ant1 said...

Snobby - i believe fyxomatosis is a play on myxomatosis. it's a disease that affects rabbits. one of the symptoms is blindness. probably pretty prevalent in the land down under, given their rabbit problems.

grog said...

Bet Recumbabe wouldn't get a ticket for speeding.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

If you polish your 'roo stick too much you'll go blind.

Anonymous said...

"Go get your 'roo stick stuck in a Sheila, you vulva-breathed Bruce face."

Now THAT'S funny!

Bruce said...

G'day Bruce

mikeweb said...

"The douches at Best Made Co."

Please Snob! Don't give them any more product ideas!

Bruce said...

G'Day Bruce

Anonymous said...

Breaker Morant @12:52. I think the quote is:

" Shoot straight, you bastards. - Don't make a mess of it!"

Nogocyclist said...

I'm jealous! I always wanted to get a speeding ticket on a bike. I even stopped and told two Natchez Trace Rangers if they ever caught me speeding, even if only 51 mph (in a 50 mph zone), I wanted them to give me a ticket.
I figured the cost of the ticket would be worth the bragging rights that ticket would give me.

The Rangers just laughed, and said have a nice day.

Burt Reynolds said...

I was reading one of those tiny house books one time and came across one that didn't have a bathroom. Must be the Evbogus minimalist version. You park it in back of a real house owned by a friend or relative, like a camper, and use their plumbing, fridge, and so on.

Twistyface said...

Where is the chap who is alwys pointing out that the blog is NSFW?

I wonder if all those Australian 'terms of endearment' gave him a seizure.

Well done on encouraging female readers, btw!

Stupid Name said...

Nogo,

I think you just pointed out the difference between Rangers and Police.

Never saw a Ranger out with a speed gun at 5:30 AM trying to drum up revenue.

Hugh Jass said...

Anon 2:32

Well yeah, in the Disney version.

Buffalo Bill said...

So is Dave Jordan really a coach? Are the cops part of his viral marketing scheme? Better slip another shrimp on the barbie mate.

Anonymous said...

I refer to hipsters as Little Lebowski Urban Achievers.

...and proud we are of all of them.

Lisa said...

Apparently the police should have been sending them to Criminal Court instead of Traffic Court so they cancelled the summons in home visits!

http://nyti.ms/grUHkp

CommieCanuck said...

Those sheds would be perfect if they had a hole on top where middle-aged bankers could come out of their 7500 sq ft houses and literally shit on the next generation.

Cunt is a term of endearment in Auz, but don't confuse the term, "rooting", as in, "I'm rooting for the team". Unless your a skanky sheila cheerleader.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

oh my gawd...

..if a cop gave me ticket for riding a bike 15 in a 25, there is no way I could control myself, I would end up dead...

...when the cop gets acquitted for shooting me after I told him what steaming piece of crap he was, I hope the rest of you would riot

jimmynuetron said...

Snob and friends, is there not some justice, a silver lining or some logic in this 6 am Central Park speed trap? They are targeting Cat 4 hedge fund managers, Freds, triathletes, Dentists. No hipster operates at these hours, least pilots a fixie through Central Park in excess of 15 mph. The police aren't reigning down mighty on the delivery bikes. I applaud this calculated and decisive NYPD initiative of strictly going after roadies.

Marc said...

DAWG HAUS

now back to lurking without commenting...

Anonymous said...

All the hub-bub makes me wonder of some municipal big wig got his panties in a twist over a bike/car conflict, and is now using influence to "make us pay."

Anonymous said...

I'm using critical gentrification in my next meeting...

In other news, FINGERBANG!

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

First they came for the Cat 4 hedge fund managers,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Cat 4 hedge fund manager.

Then they came for the Freds
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Fred.

Then they came for the triathletes
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a triathlete.

Then they came for the Dentists
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Dentist.

Then they came for the Hipsters
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Hipster

Then they came for the commuters
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a commuter.

Then they came for some poor guy just tryin' to get a good ride in
and there was no one left to chop off the cop's head and shit down his neck.

bikesgonewild said...

...whilst i see that you have socio-political issues of significant import that needs be addressed, bsnyc/rtms, i would suggest that you offer use of 1/2 of that "...pointy cone bra..." as a 'dunce cap' every morning for the previous days "lamest comment" award...

...the other half could be taped to the back (not the top - hey, no inferences here - i enjoy your good work) of your bike helmet for time trials come racing season...

...simply suggestin'...

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Marcel Da Chump said...

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne @4:03,
Best poem of the year, so far.

sweatpants cyclist said...

I see cops cycling around the city of Saint Louis, wobbling back and forth, helmet on the handlebars, switching between sidewalk and pavement randomly. Now I feel compelled to race one for a ticket.

I mean seriously, I wish I could break the speed limit. I am lucky if I am able to average 15 mph across town, with stop lights and such.

Jan! said...

I consider it my greatest accomplishment of this week to have a screenshot of mine anonymously featured on BSNYC.

That is all.

g-roc said...

Sweatpants Cyclist: here's a tip, cops love to sit at the bottom of a hill. I could have got a ticket for doing 75 km/h in a 50 zone (~47 in a 30 zone for the USA/UK/Burma/Liberia audience). For once, the cops were doing the right thing and were too busy writing up car drivers to notice me.

Anonymous said...

Mayor bloomberg's diabolical plan is starting to come together quite nicely: Step 1. Increase the number of bike lanes in the city to encourage more people to ride bikes, Step 2. dust off some old esoteric, unknown and completely unclear bike laws, Step 3. ticket the shit out of offending bikers, Step 4. laugh all the way to the bank. Our Mayor continuing to make life as miserable as possible for tax paying law abiding new yorkers. Hey Mike, go fuck yourself.

Ferg said...

Up yer cunt bruce!

-Ferg

g-roc said...

Nicely done Jan!. Do Belgians wear aero-dork helmets to offset the added drag of a front basket?

my-shed-is-my-engine said...

crap, last again?

Marcel Da Chump said...

Wish I a had Madonna anecdote to share. We did frequent the same clubs,'back in the day'. Alas, our paths never crossed. But I have a friend who claims he banged her silly in the shower of a house in the Hamptons.

Burt Reynolds said...

Ah, so that's how she got that way. Good way to go, I suppose, if you have to turn silly.

Sheila the Canuck said...

Cunt in the land of Oz is a term of endearment. As in "G'day ya cunt, let's go fer coffee"

PawnShop said...

Meh.

bikesgonewild said...

...nogocyclist...i have actually received two, count 'em, 2 speeding tickets on a bicycle & mate, there ain't no fucking glory or commendable bragging rights in paying hundreds of dollars of one's hard earned cash for ..."speeding on a bike..."...

...both occasions, i was out on the dirt & not another cyclist or hiker even came by whilst i was being written up so therefore, i was endangering no one whatsoever but two local government employees & the gas it took to power their truck were paid to sit way the fuck out in the middle of nowhere so they could make their point & they could make their revenue & they certainly accomplished that...

...didn't realize just how vehement i still felt about that shit 'cuz it happened about 20 years ago but then again i paid out hundreds of dollars "for speeding on a fucking bicycle" & nothing more noteworthy...

Jan! said...

g-roc: The picture is misleading because it is missing a vital piece of information: the basket's contents.

We care not about any added drag, as the baskets are used solely for portaging cobblestones. That way, anytime we encounter a decent cycle path –a rare and unacceptable thing–, we can lay down some cobbles and curate our own cyclocross-on-the-go for that true "flandrien" feel.

The aero helmet is actually a normal helmet with an attached saddle/helmet bag to offset the loss of basket space.

True story.

Round Trip Foster's Meal Ticket said...

Wifey's co-worker blew a red light at 5 am and got pulled over by a cop. Here is how to get a ticket:

Officer: You know why I pulled you over?

Cyclist: You're having a slow day?

JDH said...

top 86@ cunts!

JDH said...

Sorry, tickets bring out the Aussie in me.

Bruce said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again, the comments on here are funnier than most people who are trying to write comedy. Pointy-bra hats off to Jan! and DaddoOne for especial inventiveness today

Anonymous said...

Yogirlt
It is like yogurt
It is produced when a fixie blows a load into a gal alley style.

Sorry honey let me wipe that yogilt off your lips

James said...

I ride all over NY with no helmet and never follow any traffic signs, lights or laws....never had a single incident with a police officer....there is more to this then your blog reveals??? I don't buy the idea that somehow the NYPD has a hard on for cyclist!!!

Terre Haute Karl said...

Grown man building forts in his back yard is now worthy of a NY Times piece? I wonder if the forts have secret compartments to hide playboys and cigarettes he steals from his friends dad.

Anonymous said...

DD is one cool cat.

leroy said...

So is the speed limit 15 mph or 25?

Inquiring minds want to know.

leroy said...

Dear James @ 8:56 --

Don't feel bad. Not everybody looks good in lycra. I'm sure you'll find someone interested in you some day.

leroy said...

94

leroy said...

95...

leroy said...

96...

Can't do the lead out to 100. Too worried about going over 15 mph in the drops....

bekologist said...

Maybe traffic laws in New York City have been found as a result of the original Liberty Law to apply only to bicycles, but NYPD is keeping it under wraps so as to prevent motorist chaos on the streets.

bikesgonewild said...

...98...

bikesgonewild said...

...99...

...this is yours, leroy...kick it, KICK IT !!!...

Nogocyclist said...

BGW @6:00pm, I would not like to pay a ticket for speeding on a bike normally. The point is, the Natchez Trace for the most part is flat with what could be called rolling hills. Enough to make you feel a little pain when climbing, but not enough to get up tremendous speed up on the down side.

With the help of a hill, a professional rider could reach 50mph, but 50 mph for a non- Cat 1 is unlikely. Unless there is a hill I am unaware of on the north part of the parkway, it is highly unlikely the rangers ever clock anyone over 50.

Yes, to have a ticket that says you did speed on the Trace would give you real bragging rights.

I guess I have achieved Old Fogie Status. All I can do now it think of all the things I would have loved to accomplish when I was younger..... Including getting another speeding ticket.

bekologist said...

This just in........notes were found from Teddy Roosevelt's stint as New York police commissioner that those devilish scoundrels the scorchers were the ones 'ruining New York City for the rest of the traffic'.

Teddy Roosevelt's infuriation with the two wheeled scoundrels prompted his 1895 crackdown on miscreant wheelmen and the establishment of the bicycle squad, the first traffic police in New York City.

gustav said...

When I saw Snobs comment on the Australian "FUCK" bike I couldn't help but think about the bikes from Kinesis UK. It's Kuk for short, which is hillarious since that means "cock" in Swedish :)

http://www.roadcyclinguk.com/news/images/virtue2-hi.jpg

http://www.kinesisbikes.co.uk/

ce said...

CUNT CUNT

I can't believe no one said it before me, but I suppose it is my native language.

Anonymous said...

Nice take on Pastor Niemoller.

hey nonny mouse

Mr Dylan said...

Hey all, that's my gold fuji there. Someone buy it.
Also, the guys in the shop video'd me getting the forks to the head treatment, hen I get the video I'll send it in.

ce said...

Riding home from work today past this Pub, someone yelled out to me: "PUSH YA SILLY BASTARD, PUSH!"

No worries, I'll do that, and when you're driving home with a belly full of beer: "Drive straight you bastard, don't make a mess of me!"

ce said...

Obviously that wasn't my reply.

Here's the highlight of the ride. Not quite on par with the scenic quality of Seattle's waterfront, but the canyon land around here is quite impressive. It is not scenery that you get used to either. Sometimes I swear it gets deeper from day to day.

Anonymous said...

Collective noun for more than one aussie in a bar is a "bunchacunts".

Anonymous said...

Bikesnob you are so great. And funny with your words. I wish I could write as good as you. Maybe I will try after I get out of prison. You can ride my pole and write about it.

Blanche DuBois said...

Wouldn't this be a nice return?

http://ephemeralnewyork.wordpress.com/2010/09/15/new-yorks-bicycle-policemen/

Dr. Brett said...

You are closer than you realize defining "fyxomatosis" as hipster halitosis. Myxomatosis is a disease found in cottontail rabbits that causes skin lesions (and swelling) primarily around the face and genitals..."the hipster Clap" may be more accurate.

Comedy said...

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WOW Gold said...

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