Friday, October 22, 2010

BSNYC Friday Self-Flagellation Session!

Firstly, as I mentioned yesterday, I will be unhooking a BRA tomorrow at 4:30pm at Cyclesport bike shop in Park Ridge, NJ. In addition to giving a short presentation, if enough people show up with Serottas, I will hold an impromptu Serotta pageant and award some sort of prize (such as a t-shirt that will turn you into a walking advertisement for this blog) to the winner. Of course, this is contingent upon anybody showing up at all, though I can't imagine there's anything better to do in that part of Jersey at 4:30pm on a Saturday--and if there is, I'd like to know about it, so that I can blow off my own BRA and partake in it as well.

Speaking of BRAs, the following weekend, on Saturday, October 30th at 2:00pm, I will be having another one at the Philly Bike Expo. Not only that, but the organizers are also offering a weekend all-access pass special that includes a copy of my book, currently #1 on the New York Times Bestseller list and the book Oprah Winfrey actually called "fan-fucking-tastic" when she had me on the show:

That's an entire weekend of bike dorkery and some light bathroom reading, all for the low, low price of $30. You'd have to be crazy not to take advantage of these big, big savings! What else are you going to do with $30, anyway? Get your genome sequenced? All that's going to tell you is that you're carrying the genetic marker for being crazy for not taking advantage of these big, big savings.

Speaking of "crazy," it is often used interchangeably with the word "zany," and Zany Bicycle Cockpits (or "ZBCs") continue to trickle in for the First (And Last) Annual BSNYC/RTMS Cockpit of the Year Award (or "Cockies"), the finalists of which I will decide at precisely the moment I get around to it. Unfortunately, since these "Cockie" submissions are more tardy than a messenger running the "Spokane tubeless," they are officially ineligible, though still entertaining. For example, here's one rider busting a sweet "elephant trunk skid" with some shopping cart bars:


And here's another late submission direct from the plumbing supply section at the Home Depot:


This car bumper cockpit, on the other hand, was submitted on time and in accordance with the contest rules, and thus will receive the full consideration of the jury:

Pending all of that, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right try not to wet your shants with excitement, and if you're wrong you'll see the fixed-gear crotch cam, forwarded by a reader.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and keep your hands on your "cockie."


--BSNYC/RTMS




1) Which kangaroo deterrent has been "Protecting Australians Since 1986?"

--The KangaRid
--The ShuRoo
--The George Foreman Marsupial-B-Gon
--The Animatronic Paul Hogan







5) The above bicycle could only belong to:






(Remote smoking technique prevents beard fires.)

6) Apparently, being a bike messenger in Vancouver is a non-stop thrill ride.

--True
--zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz






("Whuh...?")

7) Apparently, being a bike messenger in Vancouver is a non-stop thrill ride.





***Special Cartoon Catch Phrase-Themed Bonus Question***


Complete the following Bart Simpson catch phrase:

"Get ____."



93 comments:

mikeweb said...

let's go!!

reuben said...

CAN'T SEE SHIT: USE A LIGHT, NUMBNUTS!

Anonymous said...

podium ?
jn

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

No Comment!

samh said...

I'd to be on the Cows Mooing Madly jury, please. Also, best fixie edit soundtrack ever.

samh said...

I am going to put the "Custis Trail on the Fixie" video on repeat and listening to these 'jams' all day.

Desert Rider said...

mikeweb leadout man

Anonymous said...

Podium?!

Nogocyclist said...

Made it before Bart.

Anonymous said...

FROST!

Born Robert Lee Frost
March 26, 1874(1874-03-26)
San Francisco, California,
United States
Died January 29, 1963 (aged 88)
Boston, Massachusetts,
United States
Occupation Poet, Playwright
Robert Lee Frost (March 26, 1874 – January 29, 1963) was an American poet. He is highly regarded for his realistic depictions of rural life and his command of American colloquial speech.[1] His work frequently employed settings from rural life in New England in the early twentieth century, using them to examine complex social and philosophical themes. A popular and often-quoted poet, Frost was honored frequently during his lifetime, receiving four Pulitzer Prizes for Poetry.

Anonymous said...

top thing!

tuffwheel IIz

Anonymous said...

Man, I shouldn't have wasted time reading this one! Look how close I am to the top despite waiting for YouTube to load!

I think I want a masked rider mask for Halloween.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

I'm going to need a masked rider wig, too.

Anonymous said...

Even with the mask and wig, though, without those mad bike handling, ju jitsu and small arms handling skills, i will be but a pale imitation of the original.

mikeweb said...

Thanks DR! You are the Renshaw beneath my wings.

watching that 'bent porn made me feel dirty. As did:

"She has not known a lover's touch in over 40 years."

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

"I just go through traffic without even thinking about it"

Well...

Oh never $&*@#$ mind!

CAMPIONE CYCLES CALGARY said...

Whoooo! Tara Whitten!

g said...

Top 20 and all but the Simpson question. Call that a pass.

ervgopwr said...

Weirdness in that 'bent video. Rider in Assos garb.
Wuh?

You do not touch the lone wolf's bike: the lotus touches you.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

What's an animatronic Paul Hogan?

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

Anonymous said...

Why would someone who has a job that requires you to be reasonably fit sit around and smoke?

I guess that is OK. The great health insurance policies that all courier's have will cover their future medical costs.

PawnShop said...

OTB. Meh.
Cysts: they're not just for hipsters anymore.

ringcycles said...

I can't believe I'm saying this:

"Tara Whitten is HOT!"

mostly I can't believe no one else posted this yet.

hillbilly said...

mikeweb!!!!!!!!!!! way to be!

have a good weekend yall

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Most chicks on bikes are hot. Well maybe not the ones in that messenger video. Which reminds me I guess I'll shluff on over to the fixfixfix and see whats up.

sherpa said...

don't think that is the lone wolf's lotus. his doesnt' have the red star and strips through the word lotus.

and what would he need with a signature anyway, Tara would be asking him for HIS autograph.

samh said...

The watch and sweatshirt in the [disembodied] hand sure look like they belong to the Lone Wolf. Perhaps all the photos we've seen of the Lone Wolf have been drive-side only and we've not seen the Lotus graphic on the non-drive side before.

streepo said...

Perfecto!!

When Lance writes his next memoir is he going the the last chapter the EPOlogue?

Anonymous said...

Mr. Snob - I will repeat. The Lehigh Valley is desperate for a BRA. There are many fine bookstores and bike shops that would host you. Please consider a visit. I'd come and I bet I can get 1 - 1.5 friends to come. It would be worth your while.

cycle

Anonymous said...

Murder of couriers? Yes please. For the love of god, can we just go paperless already so we don't have to be subjected to any more bike messenger films. If I want to hear a completely oblivious moron poser wax inanely I'll go to williamsburg. I would rather spoon with the Lone Wolf than watch 2 more minutes of that trailer. well maybe not.

sherpa said...

@samh

Nope - this shot shows black lettering on the same side.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_wb8bAl1P-N0/SaaY_HKMQAI/AAAAAAAAGPg/ltmQNWKuiMk/s1600-h/lotus+guy.jpg

Anonymous said...

Urban cyclists we need your help! We're students at a small school in North West Arkansas and we need feedback from urban cyclers for our senior business plan. Would you take less than 3 minutes to fill out our survey? We appreciate your help!
www.surveygizmo.com/s3/383285/Cycling

Anonymous said...

Bent video 2:01 Hahahahahahahaha! And the music Hahahahahahahahah!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ce

Rudimentary HTML guy said...

Or click here for the survey.

That business plan needs an infusion of tagging skillz. Not the spray paint kind either.

bikesgonewild said...

...the more i listen to couriers/messengers wax eloquent, the more i hear the music from 'deliverance'...

...just really sayin'...

mikeweb said...

Wow! One of the dudes in the 'bent viddy has some major ink.

Fixsters, take note.

Benny Hillifier said...

That's better.

crosspalms said...

Looks like the cows video also unmasks one of yesterday's anonymi:
"I take a stance and teach painful lessons."
Indeed. Moo.

CommieCanuck said...

Bart looks so much taller in real life.

CommieCanuck said...

Murder of couriers? Yes please.

I think a group of couriers is called a gaggle, not a murder, that's crows. A bundle of couriers is the same as a bundle of sticks in olde english.

g-roc said...

I was well on my way to a perfect score and you had to throw in Vancouver questions. WTF? I live here, I should know this ... uh, um, must be a trick question. Uh, "yes?". Aw crap.

Serendipity said...

I love Youtube! The boring Vancouver messanger video links to this masterpiece!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XRARUE5AhQ&feature=related

Jefe said...

I own a Serrotta and I live approximately a two-hour's drive from the BRA, but I am too despondent about my quiz performance to leave my bed tomorrow. The courier trailer did not help. What does he mean "almost shit my pants"? It probably happens several times a day while he is punching jaywalkers.

Salty and Sore said...

Go see Snobbie's BRA. It's totally 'Off the Hook'...


...which, as it happens, is a good way for BRAs to be.

By the way, is that a Dust Prophylactic on the newest printing of the book?

Anonymous said...

Why do people feel the need to interview retards for their "documentary"?

"Duh, construction is just as dangerous as being a messenger..."

Yeah, and pays way better, with health, disability, and retirement, you fucking retard.

Buffalo Bill said...

So the big-O is into fan-fucking? I am strangely conflicted about that.

Anonymous said...

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wb8bAl1P-N0/TMGcyXRhXuI/AAAAAAAARWw/slYohpB93VQ/s1600/whitten.jpeg

clearly, ms. whitten is vandalizing this poseur, brake-equipped bicycle. bravo, ms. whitten, bravo.

samh said...

Sherpa's got it.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of minimalism, which we were just a few weeks ago: http://unclutterer.com/2010/09/23/eye-candy-wood-organizing-products/

stream of nothing said...

was he the road less travelled?

frilly said...

Yay mikeweb!!! FTW!

I'm skipping the quiz Snob. My day has already been fucked up enough as it is.

cwg said...

bikesnob,

You've probably contributed more to the popularity of the "elephant trunk skid" than any other bike journalist.

You make it seem like a daily happening, but on my daily commute I have never seen this maneuver.

I would maintain it's like doping: it doesn't exist.

Anonymous said...

I think I saw Marty Markowitz salmoning up Prospect Park West behind that car-bumper cockpit.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Ringcycles, need I remind you that:"Kara Goucher is HOT?"

bikesgonewild said...

...kara goucher thinks mikeweb is hot for winning this weeks final stage...

Anonymous said...

Being a courier is like....you know someone gives you like a box or like an..envelope and like you just gotta like deliver it you know? So like I like riiiide my bike and like I don't even think Ijust like do it, cuz I'm like a ninja..you know?

Re: pip+bars.jpg said...

That is one short cockie.

PawnShop said...

Anon@5:52:
"Apparently" you're not doing it right.
( de facto, you're doing it right; your secret's safe with me. )

leroy said...

Aaargh! A perfect score until the bonus question.

I must have been expecting an "eat my shorts" answer option.

Ride safe all! I hear 9W should be empty what with all the local cyclists heading over to some powerpoint preservation thing.

Congrats mikeweb!

Anonymous said...

Has this been covered yet? I was legitimately looking for an axe holster for work when I came across it. I swear. Note the ring on the right that would hold a pretty ax(e) pretty well.
http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2009/09/hips-on-with-fabric-horse-superhero-utility-belt/
And please Snob, shoot this next one down in flames like a 'Pista Flambee'. It's hard to know where to start but most notably they have stepped outside what us suckers thought were the narrow and unwavering confines of reality by designing: "...a fixed gear racing bike that allows better gear shifting...". At least they have addressed the pressing issue of visibility for track racing after dark.
http://www.thedesignblog.org/entry/trotl-bike-001-replaces-chain-with-a-belt-for-steady-propulsion/
By the way, I've designed a new way to write/spell "designer". Here is a rendering of my concept: "DuMBasSFUCkER". ce

Anonymous said...

"Featuring a frame finished in carbon fiber" - Finished in carbon fiber? What, you mean like just a light coat of it over the raw sculpted bullshit to catch the light? ce

Anonymous said...

"...the bicycle remains intact and runs efficiently on the racing track" Well, I can't knock them there, "remaining intact" is a nice feature on a bicycle. ce

Nogocyclist said...

BSNYC, here in the rural south we see very few bike commuters. It is common here to see commuters riding big box store bikes, often unsuited for the use. I assume these people are riding bikes just because they do not have access, at least at the time, to a car.

It is common to see these people being bike salmons. Just this past week, I have been frightened by them by meeting them in traffic and having to worry about being hit myself because I had to stop to keep from hitting them.

These bike salmons I easily forgive. I just assume they are people of limited abilities for whatever reason, but today I saw a Salmon that was just going too far. There was a guy on a motorcycle, Harley, or similar large motorcycle, being a salmon in rush hour (5:30pm) traffic on a very busy 4 lane road. A bicyclist being a salmon is one thing, a guy on a Harley doing the same????

joachim said...

(very low) balls eye view.

Anonymous said...

Anon 12:31 AM -- I took a look at that bike design -- it's amazing! In the interest of cool looks it does away with all the triangulation that makes a bike so strong. It'd fold like an accordion the first time you hit a bump.

Before anyone becomes a "designer" they should study engineering for a couple years -- oh, I forgot, you have to know math for that, and Barbie tells us that Math is Hard! Oh well, forget it.

I am not a barbie engine said...

http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/02/12/barbies-next-career-computer-engineer/

What? I wonder if computer engineer Barbie has bike cad on her little plastic computer?

Don't be badmouthing Barbie, she was designing Lances new bike (and posture) in the wind tunnel of doom.

Anonymous said...

The frame members on Anon. 12:31's bike put me in mind of composite leaf springs from a 'Vette. Vertically and Laterally compliant.

ringcycles said...

WWM: of course, but Tara Whitten could be the cannuck Kara Goucher.

Anonymous said...

CONFIRMED - it's not the Lone Wolf's Lotus.

The "top tube" graphic in the red colorway and the front brake caliper are definitely different.

Also: pixels.

Charl Oma Uire said...

I ride the Custis Trail all the time. Its not really "VA Start to Finnnnish" though. He stops the video right at its intersection with the Washington and Old Dominion which goes another 70 miles deeper into VA. Real bikers always get into the VA a lot deeper.

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Fixie Bikes said...

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