Friday, October 8, 2010

BSNYC Friday Fondue Party!

("This Is F***ing Urgent," photographed by a reader)

As you are almost certainly aware, the First Annual BSNYC/RTMS Cockpit of the Year Award is in full swing, and like Alberto Contador gorging himself on a succulent steak during a Tour de France rest day I may have bitten off considerably more than I can chew. There's simply no polite way to put this: I'm up to my neck in "Cockie." Indeed, it seems like every time I check my email another submission pops up as if to say, "Boo! Cockie!" In fact, if I had a "Vegan" chin tattoo, you probably wouldn't even be able to read it:

Though you'd still be able to see my multiple septum piercings.

Now, an email inbox full of "Cockie" wouldn't be such a problem in itself if the vast majority of submissions were of poor quality. However, the simple truth is that almost all the "Cockie" photos I have received have been profoundly engrossing. Just to give you an idea of how difficult "curating" this contest has been so far, just dipping my ladle into this bowl of hot "Cockie" more or less at random yields compelling entries such as this pair of apehangers complete with bar ends and complemented by the ultra-rare banana-seat-and-suspension-fork combo:

This incredible PVC-and-hose-clamp setup:


This "Jacob's Ladder" spotted in Salt Lake City:


This ornithologist's delight spotted in Florida:


And this totally "murdered out" department store mountain bike, noteworthy for its elegant minimalism:

In the meantime, while I'm coping with "Cockie," I invite the rest of you to partake in a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right, well, that's just fantastic, and if you're wrong you'll see "The Coffee Wars."

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may your hands find secure purchase on your cockpit.


--BSNYC/RTMS





1) If you bet on Andy Schleck to win the 2010 Tour de France, it's now paying off.




2) Chef Paco Olalla refers to the Alberto Contador tainted meat incident as:






3) If you bet on Shawn Milne to win the 2007 USPro Criterium Championships, it's now paying off:






(Humiliated hat jettisons self in search of wearer with a clue.)

4) "DTR" stands for:







5) Pressure washers; 3M adhesives; propane canisters; cooking equipment--just a few of the items you'll need in order to:








6) Fill in the blank: "Clipless pedals are out--_________ are in:"

77 comments:

Comment deleted said...

Deleted from the top of the podium!

Desert Rider said...

first?

Anonymous said...

I liked Marie Osmond better when she was tubby.

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

instant karma!

Desert Rider said...

doh

PawnShop said...

Meh.

Anonymous said...

top ten?

Oslosykkel said...

Top 10!

Anonymous said...

meat!

PawnShop said...

Wouldn't that be down to your neck in "Cockie"?

RANTWICK said...

Rant1st! Sorry, Ant1st. I won't make a habit of that.

ringcycles said...

still unpacking my cyclocross gear from last weekend. Is it Friday already?!?

ant1 said...

ant1st!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

No Comment!

Anonymous said...

Not only do we need a bunch of new stuff for cyclocross but we need to get aero too!!!

http://www.cxmagazine.com/tim-johnson-cyclocross-aerodynamics-wind-tunnel

Buffalo Bill said...

Great video, so that's what aging hipsters turn into.
"You know I fucked Joan Baez, right?"

crosspalms said...

I was really rooting for the $300 cat wetsuit. Oh well.

Anonymous said...

Marie Osmand was always good when she opened her mouth.

Jess G said...

I'm glad someone sent in the "Jacob's ladder" from SLC...I've seen this guy a couple times but I can never get my phone out fast enough for a picture. Once he gets going he stands up on the seat and holds on to the topmost handles, then when he needs to stop he jumps down so his butt's on the seat and he holds the middle handles

Anonymous said...

re: skateboard deck pedals... sorry guys, Grant Peterson had those several years ago.

hillbilly said...

hear me now and believe me later! have a good weekend everyone

Anonymous said...

don't tell me what to do.

Comment deleted said...

Having an official blogger.com id makes you more aero.

PawnShop said...

Snobbie, perhaps you could put all of the entries on flickr? Of the small sample you've leaked out since last week, the Mormon Tabernacle Jungle Gym/Tool Repository takes my prize. Rarely have I seen so much Wrong attached to the north side of a headset.

Anonymous said...

Another thing you need to bring to the cross season: A screaming GF/BF in the pit.

Comment deleted said...

Best booby-prize video evar. It even has a miraculous image of The Great Clawed One appearing in latte foam at the end.

street pedaler said...

$5 umbrella - jump off roof....

specq said...

I hadn't before realized there were different designs of that infinite loop Vino Jersey. There's even a TT Vino. Collect all three!

Bobbo said...

egocentric style whores...

ringcycles said...

ah, the personal sail. Great for "catching air" and hurling yourself uncontrollably into trees, boulders, down slopes. AKA the orthopedic surgeon's job security blanket.

wishiwasmerckx said...

"The Coffee Wars" was great. The actor they got to play BGW bore a striking resemblance. The "I killed a DJ over a pound of French Roast. That was back when you could do that" story? Geez, if I had a dime for every time I heard him tell that story...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Quote of the day:

"The ATM at Valencia and 17th is out of cash, denying us the maple bacon lattes we so crave."

g said...

I have to admit, that personal sail was so fucking stupid I just couldn't pick it.

Wow. Just wow.

Loved the Coffee Wars video. First time I ever sat through the whole wrong answer.

"You know I fucked Joan Baez."

Anonymous said...

Whoa. That Best Products company is truly douchearrific. They sell what, 10 items--including a cheesy canvas bag for $240?

Oy.

I am the hatless engine said...

A 95 dollar skull beannie?

That wins the contest for the most crazy price for anything. Even Rapha would be embarrassed to price that.

Anonymous said...

"Rarely have I seen so much Wrong attached to the north side of a headset."

Fucking Brilliant

Dave said...

7 of 8 on the quiz, oh so close. But skateboard decks? Come on now.

But I did guess on the sail thing. What dumb ass product will they dream of next.

SUBCONSAILOR said...

Dept store MTB must be near Thunderdome.

bikesgonewild said...

...wishiwasmerckx...

..."You know I fucked Joan Baez."...

...tip of the iceberg...bwahahaha !!!...

dux said...

com'on now-too too-and stuff.....

bikesgonewild said...

...'foreigner' messenger service sez...

..."You're not shy
you get around

You wanna fly
don't want your feet on the ground.
You stay up
you don't come down

You say it's urgent - make it fast
make it urgent

Do it quick
do it urgent - gotta rush
make it urgent

Want it quick
make it urgent - urgent emergency

Urgent
urgent emergency

Urgent
urgent
urgent
urgent emergency"
...

...just sayin'...

yogisurf said...

Can you get the sail with a pic of Vino using the coleman stove?

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

CommieCanuck said...

Two more positive dope tests and I win the 2004 Paris-Roubaix while sitting my ass on the couch.

ringcycles said...

"...the coffee wars defined what we were, ego-centric style whores..."

bravo

Anonymous said...

the quiz is alot like who wants to be a millionaire not that I do (though I wooden mind) but it gets progressively more diffoccult and all the inncorrect ansers awarded that annoying marker squeek! how annoying! guess I`ll have to surf more bike sites if I want to gloat inwardly friday nites.

Keep em Cockies come come comiN!.' Its like they get stranger and stranger? are we at the peak yet? Still all the cockies parked at base camp should provide ampler entertaintment Mercibeacoupe BSnyc!

Salty and Sore said...

#6 Made me lose faith in all humanity.

Then, #7 brought it back.

And then, the bonus question reminded me that I need to learn the Flags of the World before the next Olympics. Oh sure, I can recognize a perfect 10, douche-sailing performance when I see it, but will I know who wins?

Thank you, Snobbie!

bikesgonewild said...

...ladies...here's some real cycling news...
http://www.velonation.com/News/ID/5948/Astana-insider-claims-that-Contador-underwent-a-transfusion-prior-to-the-Tour-de-France.aspx

...biggest news of the day...

...false smiles & lies finally catching up to the boy...pissed somebody off on 'astana' BIG-TIME...

...read it & weep, or laugh or however you need to digest it...

CommieCanuck said...

"...the coffee wars defined what we were, ego-centric style whores..."

I lost friends in the coffee wars, I lost a brother in the coffee wars, I lost sleep in the coffee wars. Those were insane times ,and all we have to show for those wars is bad breath and a nervous twitch. Many us us returned with horrible additions to low fat espresso coffee cake.

Where's my parade, man.

CommieCanuck said...

addictions..balls.

CommieCanuck said...

...ladies...here's some real cycling news...


BGW can't hyperlink.

Learn HTML already.


I can just see Alberto now, "Oh God, I'm like, soo fat.. I never should have had that steak..."

Spell Check said...

PETE RSEN

bikesgonewild said...

...commie...yer right but thanks for posting that...

..."tainted meat..."...

...bwahahahahahahaha !!!...

...what was tainted, 'berto was your relationship w/ a number of people...i guess payback really is a bitch...

Blessed Maid Company said...

I really liked the Drag Flag, it would be better than my beach towel used as a cape, but I really want a well-made cowl and mask.

And WHY does Best Made Co. steal the Red Cross logo? That is a sign of weakness.

Do they sell sterile bandages?

db said...

I knew a wetsuit for cats was too good to be true...

Anonymous said...

The Best Made douchebags will not only sell you their overpriced $180 axe, the will sell you a 11x14" picture of that same axe lying on the floor for $300: http://www.shop.bestmadeco.com/product.sc?productId=24&categoryId=7

Blows my mind...

D said...

Sammy Sanchez...Podium!!

SmugSeattle said...

Personal sail, WTF?!! I will personally slap anyone involved with the Best Made Co, or anyone that admits to purchasing from them. Sheesh...

Jack said...

lol @ "Cockie."

:

]V[ E G A D E T ]-[

Philip Williamson said...

I've been Bikesnobbed! And BSNYC has been verbed.

BSNYC was within three feet of those skate deck pedals on his Portland BRA ride.

Don't forget the Handmade Bicycle Show this weekend!

Jarrett said...

Correction: no one actually bet on Shawn Milne in the 2007 USPro Crit Champs. So although O'Bee was disqualified, it's not actually "paying off."

Anonymous said...

Breezed through 'til the bonus and thought $80 for the personal sail wasn't ridiculous enough for something from Best Made, so I went with the nail clippers.

leroy said...

Podium!! Yes!!!

I mean as soon as the tests for all you other guys come back.

Ride safe all!

g-roc said...

The coffee wars by "Killing My Lobster"? What would Lob say about that???

bikesgonewild said...

...what test ???...i've been afraid to pee all day...

Anonymous said...

I have been building artisan douches for a long time and BGW is a great customeer.
You player hater's should just lay him off!

Anonymous said...

The Personal Sail, marketed by the "The **** **** Company"? (Sorry, I cannot type such a sappy name without coming close to vomiting. Once again, BSNYC/RTMS does it for us. Type, that is, not vomit.)

How can it be real? (The sail, that is, not the **** **** Company, LLC). But there it is.

Lord Jesus, come and save us. And once again, may Almighty God bless Bike Snob NYC.

saggy baggy said...

If fixed gear daisy dukes/shants/capris are skin tight, they might as well wear lycra. The male daisy duke short is just another sign that men are becoming women.

Anonymous said...

My fellow ugly old bastards (if I have to choose a side), please stop hating on hipsters. It's pretty sad really. Back before the heyday of the 21st century hipster, old bastards like us would have directed all that old man energy into tremendous endeavours, like starting wars. Great wars, drawn out wars, wars on everything. Now days we are too caught up in petty things like these virtual girl slap fights with Audrey Hepburn lookalikes. This weekend do yourself a favour. Get out of the house, find somewhere new where you have never ridden your bicycle before, and organise a war there. And, if in your travels you see a hipster who has left their purple hat on the ground, please have the heart to throw in a couple coins as you would for any other street performer clown in a costume. Give these players some respect, even if they are just playing with themselves. ce

I have no cape engine said...

No capes!

http://www.suntimes.com/news/elections/endorsements/2780404,CST-EDT-edit07.article

I need to proof read engine said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNUbPRj9TGM

oops.

Peter Longdong said...

Saggy Baggy, I know what you mean. I tried on a pair of Daisy Dukes, but I could not get my giant cock inside them.

escalante blogger said...

I don't have any answer.

Cycling For Beginners said...

Have you seen that Best Made Co. is selling pictures of axes on its "Art" page for $300?!

http://www.shop.bestmadeco.com/category.sc?categoryId=7

Amazing!

Anonymous said...

Way late, but...cat wetsuits. I worked for O'Neill (the wetsuit/surfwear company) in Santa Cruz around 1990, and they still had an elderly woman - Marge, I think - doing custom wetsuit orders and repairs onsite. Some loony woman actually wrote asking for a wetsuit to protect her cat because the neighbor kids were a little too free with their BB guns. Marge did make wetsuits for dogs (hunting dogs - keep 'em warm & extra-buoyant when retrieving ducks), but she drew the line at wetsuits for cats.

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Fixie Bikes said...

That's a really gross tattoo.