BSNYC Friday Cavalcade of Questions!

Even though it's still "Bike Month," the "mainstream" media only seems to be interested in one cycling-related subject at the moment. I hesitate even to mention it again, but I think everyone knows what I'm referring to, and it involves a scandalous email and someone named "Oydflay Andislay." In order to distract myself from the seemingly constant coverage, I've been indulging in one of my favorite hobbies, which is "curating" submissions to The New Yorker's cartoon caption contest. Granted, I don't actually submit them, but like Buddhist monks crafting sand mandalas I feel the value is in the act, not the reward. Here is my latest submission, which I feel stands well above the winners:


By the way, if you've never seen "The Abyss," it's a movie from the late 1980s directed by James Cameron, and it was sort of a wet "Avatar:"

(All You Haters Finger My Watery Doppelganger)

Of course, the real tragedy of the whole "Oydflay Andislay" debacle is that it is siphoning public attention away from Bike To Work Day, which is today. Here in New York City, this involves Transportation Alternatives-"curated" pit stops in various parts of the city, presumably to revive the unfortunate, perspiring, and delirous people who have not ridden bicycles since last year's Bike To Work Day. In the throes of exhaustion, it is not uncommon for novice bicycle commuters to hallucinate "Abyss"-like sweat creatures that attempt to convince them to abandon their bicycles and return to their cars, so presumably the staff at these pit stops has been trained to "talk them down" like in those "bad trip" tents they had at Woodstock.

Speaking of "bad trips," I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see the inevitable conclusion of the narrow bar craze.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and, if you suspect something may be a hallucination, just poke it in the face.

--BSNYC/RTMS

(It's hard to stand on the podium in non-recessed "clits.")

1) Versus's coverage Stage 3 of the Amgen Tour of California was cut short by:

--Bad weather

--Technical difficulties

--Pregame hockey

--An enraged Floyd Landis

(Don't touch Cadel Evans.)

2) After a dignified start to the Giro d'Italia, Cadel Evans seems to have resumed his slap-fightin' ways.

--True

--False

3) The doping revolution will be:

--Televised

--Motorized

--Criticized

--Sodomized

4) This hybrid flat brim/cycling cap is:

--"Mad Hectic"
--"Adorned with cycling-centric imagery and striping"
--"Crazy Dorky"
--All of the above







5) "Loaded Bicycle Touring For _____":

--Dummies

--Dollars

--Haiti

--Jesus

6) "i believe" in:

--Jesus

--Myself

--Fred-dom

--Abstinence from stomach-flattening exercises

7) Behold! The ________:

--"B.E.A.R.D (Battery-powered Exploratory and Analytical Recumbent Device)"

--"Winnebiko"

--"Dork 9000"
--World's first mobile solar-powered barbecue grill

(via Ruckus Components)

8) What's the most difficult part of riding a recumbent in a velodrome?

--The banking

--The turning

--The passing

--The splinters

***Special "Currency of Groping"--Themed Bonus Question***

To review: the going rate for an "ass grab" in Williamsburg, Brooklyn is:

--A can of PBR

--A mojito

--A pack of Orbitz gum and an unlimited MetroCard

--This is a trick question; "hipsters" do not have "asses"