Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Signs of Victory: What it Takes to Win

(I assume I'm interpreting that correctly.)

I am not much of a sports fan. Generally speaking, I only pay attention to sports that I enjoy doing, which means the only ones I follow are professional cycling and pumpkin tossing. As far as the latter goes, the discipline reached its pinnacle in 1998 when the Aludium Q36 Pumpkin Modulator hurled a pumpkin over 4,400 feet, and sadly it's been a sport on the wane ever since. Professional cycling, on the other hand, only gets more exciting every year. First, Louis "Birdie" Munger became the first person to win the Tour de France on a pennyfarthing in 1887. (His time was six years, two months, 25 days, three hours, and four minutes--seconds had not yet been invented.) Then, Eddy Merckx won the World Championships in 1967 on a "safety bicycle," the first time such a contraption had been used in competition. Shortly thereafter, at the 1990 Giro d'Italia, Mario Cipollini became the first-ever rider to contract and (thanks to a hastily-administered penicillin shot) recover from a sexually transmitted disease in the course of a single Grand Tour stage. And today, cycling fans in the United States rejoiced over the news that sprinter Mark "The Man Missile" Cavendish will once again compete in the Tour of California:

As cycling fans already know, the Tour of California used to take place in February, but organizers have moved it to May in order to draw a deeper field by attracting riders frightened of contracting the STDs for which the Giro d'Italia is now famous. It's always exciting to see a rider of Cavendish's caliber pay a visit to US soil, though barring that I suppose his coming to California is the next best thing. (At least it's not Canada.) Of course, Cavendish's fearsome sprint is only a small part of his appeal, and the most exciting thing about him is that he's perhaps the greatest victory-saluter the sport has ever produced. Just a few of the salutes he's invented include:

"The Optician"

"Is there something on my glasses or am I really this awesome?"


"The UPS Man"

"Hi, ladies. Care to sign for this package?"


"The Phone Sex"

"I'm gently thumbing my nipple. What are you doing?"

Word has it that Cavendish is hard at work designing a series of California-themed victory salutes which we will unleash along with his sprint at this year's race. These may or may not include: juggling six oranges he's been secreting in his chamois; carefully weighing the pros and cons of marijuana law reform; and the preparing and subsequent consumption of an actual "epic burrito."

While "purists" may balk, as a cycling fan I'm a firm believer that the victory salute is an essential component of racing, so much so that I think points should be on offer. For example, if two riders are within a few points of each other in the Tour de France "green jersey" competition (not to be confused with the NORML-sponsored "green jersey" at this year's Tour of California, which will go to the last rider to sign in every morning), then I think victory salutes should be taken into account. If Mark Cavendish and Thor Hushovd are running neck-and-neck on the final stage, and Hushovd wins on the Champs-Élysées, yet on the prior stage Cavendish has managed to produce one of his trademark bizarre psycho-sexual salutes, then he overall should still go to him.

But there's more to pro cycling than victory salutes; there's also compelling names, and my most favoritest name has long been Dmitri Fofonov, because his last name sounds sort of like "foffing off," which in turn sounds like a euphemism for "tossing your pumpkin." Fortunately, a reader informs me that Fofonov is now back in the peloton after a drug suspension and has joined Astana:

Yes, foffing off can be rejuvenating--provided it's done in moderation. Incidentally, Astana is also home to the anti-Cavendish, Alberto Contador, whose "fingerbang" victory salutes are as repetitive as Cavendish's are imaginative.

(Contador receives emergency mid-race treament.)


(Fortunately, it's not his fingerbanging arm.)

Hopefully, Contador does not incur some sort of repetitive stress injury this year from all that fingerbanging, though I suppose that's something you're more likely to get from too much Fofonov.

Speaking of road racing, awhile back I mentioned the Reynolds RZR something-or-other crabon fribé "wheelset," which costs $6,000. So proud are Reynolds of these things that they purchased the URL "theworldslightestwheel.com" to flog them, presumably because "theworldsdouchiestwheel.com" was taken at the time. Anyway, it seems as though James Huang has gotten his hands on a pair, and shockingly at no point does he refer to them as "hoops:"

When you pay $6,000 for bicycle wheels, you get the same thing you get when you pay $600, or even when you pay $150, which is a couple of round things that roll and atop which you will still suck at bike racing if you already sucked at bike racing. However, you do get to say you have the "world's lightest wheel," and you also gain access to the exciting world of "Swirl Lip Generator(TM)" technology:

I wanted to learn more about the "Swirl Lip Generator" and if it was indeed something I wanted, but all I could find was this tube of lip gloss from Victoria's Secret:

At five tubes for $20, I was easily able to afford enough "Swirl Lip" technology to smear all over every "wheelset" I own. Furthermore, I still had $5,980 left, which I proceeded to spend on women's underpants. Admittedly, though, I didn't have "N.A.C.A." spokes. N.A.C.A. stands for "National Advisory Committee for Aeronautics"--which was dissolved in 1958:

The name, however, lives on as a name for a sort of air foil, which as far as I can tell means that Reynolds have made bold new use of cutting-edge 1958 airplane technology. So presumably, for $6,000 you will have a wheelset so light, so swirly, and so aerodynamic that it will transform your bicycle into a swirling, gravity-defying, cash-sucking vortex. If a diamond is the product of the extreme heat and pressure that exists below the surface of the Earth, then these wheels are the direct result of the intense desperation emitted by amateur racers all over North America.

Whither uber-curmudgeon and serial retrogrouch Jobst Brandt, a man so formidable that his stare alone produces over a million Diminutive Frenchman Units (DFUs) and can crush a Reynolds RZR like a pair of skinny jeans crushes a pair of "pants yabbies?" Well, a number of readers inform me that he recently granted an interview to the website "Cozy Beehive," and here is an excerpt:

It's refreshing to read something like this, especially just after reading about a pair of $6,000 Fred-rollers. If Brandt were truly market-savvy, he'd "drop" a $6,000 crabon fiber edition of his book complete with N.A.C.A. cover. My guess is it would be a huge bestseller.

Meanwhile, in the world of "outlaw urban" cycling, it seems that the humble alleycat is dead and the new trend is simply piggybacking onto other sports. A reader recently forwarded me this video of the "Wolfpack Hustle" holding a race on the course of the Los Angeles Marathon (and there's also a race report here):

WOLFPACK HUSTLE: LA MARATHON CRASH RACE from Warren Kommers on Vimeo.

Said one rider in the video, "This is the only opportunity all year to ride our bikes unobstructed. No traffic, no lights." As far as I know, there are both sanctioned road races as well as velodromes in southern California, though I suppose it was implicit in his statement that you should also be able to do so while carrying designer messenger-inspired luggage. Anyway, if this whole "hipster" athletic parasitism thing continues to take off, expect to see match sprints at your local bowling alley soon.


143 comments:

Jefe said...

BSNYC let’s do a ride when you come up for your Albany book signing.

bts said...

ughh

Bad Lawyer said...

top ten

Anonymous said...

Go Snob. I love ya

xyxax said...

podiation from Paris?

Matt said...

It has been awhile. Feels good.

Anonymous said...

Top five?

Fingerbang Assistant said...

1500W sprint and still no podium

ant1 said...

ant1st!

xyxax said...

I spoked too soon.
I blame the Large Hadron Collider
ans Walmart.

Anonymous said...

Tuff WHeel Jew!

hoot79er said...

Top ten?!!! MEH!!!!!!!

boys on the hoods said...

Not top 10

Ed said...

top 14

Bad Lawyer said...

I wonder what the "drag co-efficient" of my lousy dt spokes are? I bet my spokes are slowing me down something fierce, dammit. I'm just so bitter about it all.

Wes said...

Must be good to be in top twenty post de-anonymousification.

poole said...

Top20 is getting old.

db said...

"$6,000 Fred-rollers": there's this year's team name.

acquiesce808 said...

hey guys! didn't see yesterday's post. did i miss anything?

Bad Lawyer said...

BTW, Snob, I'm ignoring the non-juridical portion of your post yesterday, it was like a bad dream sequence in a soap opera.

Anonymous said...

Eros Poli

landis in 06 said...

late.....still a top 25 finish though

Pontius Pilate said...

HAIL CSZR

-P.P.

hillbilly said...

I want to be in a band again, just so I can name it "Diminutive Frenchman Units"

so many typos, is Vito or Spencer to blame?

mikeweb said...

Pack fill and still waiting to see a sidebar ad here for Pristiq with that creepy lady and her wind-up doppelganger.

honkybucket said...

Is everyone getting really crappy and choppy quality in trying to watch the LA marathon crash video? I was expecting to be annoyed and maybe even infuriated by the content -- just maybe not by my effort to watch it.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Now that Snob's identity is revealed, I fear that next time he races, some fellow competitor about which Snob wrote some unkind words will recognize him, get up under him, get him loose, and put him into the wall, just like they do in NASCAR.

Anonymous said...

Damn, Cav secretes oranges? From his not-navel?

No wonder his shit doesn't stink.

AYHSMAB: All You Haters Suck My Anita Bryant

jhota said...

every single one of my wheels has "Replaceable Spoke Technology," and i don't think i spent $6k for all of them together...

Jefe said...

BSNYC, I think you are on to something regarding Contador's unimaginative and repetitive "fingerbanging." It probably caused his demise on Stage One of Paris-Nice. Bob Roll and Phil Liggett thought his "allergy" explanation was disingenuous. Alberto was simply exhausted from his signature salute. That stuff only works for sprinters.

xyxax said...

To clarify:
the Hadron Collider because in trying to detect the "lob particle" they've generated a bazillion tiny black holes that give a new dimension to the phenomenon of "wheel suck."
And Walmart for selling me a road bike with non-NACA spoked training wheels.

rezado said...

hi-rez

ringcycles said...

$6,000 for "Swirl Lip Tech"? Isn't that the same price that Elliot Spitzer paid for his Girl Gone Wild's swirling lips? Connection?

rezado said...

SFTY FRST

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you're still here snob. After yesterday's identity revelation I thought it could be the end. It reminded of the final episode of Howdy Doody when Clarabell the Clown revealed that he could actually talk and said "Goodbye Kids." That was a horrifying moment. I remember it like it was yesterday.

SD friend said...

Actually there really arent any road races in Southern California, just Crits.

frilly said...

Snob, $5,980 on panties? I'm impressed.

And please tell me I'm not the only one who laughed everytime Phil said Fofonov on Saturday?

BikeSnobNYC said...

SD friend,

I assume they run the crits without traffic and stoplights at least...

--RTMS

CommieCanuck said...

$6000 for a pair of Huangtastic wheels may sound like a lot, but it's only $20 Canadian, or two euros. Cappuccinos in Rome cost US$8000, ...$9000 if you want to use the bathroom.

The Man Missle's new moves have been choreographed by Beyoncé.

1. The not-so-epic burrito: Mark extends his hand from his ass while in the toilet aero-tuck, indicating a night of nasty diarrhea ahead for the losers.

2. The EpoCeratosterone: Mark mimics a mainline injection, gazing knowingly back to Armstrong, or 90 other guys.

3. The rabbit and the turtle: Mark crosses the line literally asleep.

4. The Cipo, Mark removes his helmet, wipes his hair back with chain grease, and buggers the #2 finisher.

sufferist said...

SD friend:

Here is an opportunity for you in Oceanside, CA. You have a year to train.


Rohto Ironman 70.3

Anonymous said...

When that TOC hits Bakersfield, goatheads will become apparent.

EPIC BRTO

The Cycling Dude said...

RE: "Louis "Birdie" Munger became the first person to win the Tour de France on a pennyfarthing in 1887. (His time was six years, two months, 25 days, three hours, and four minutes--seconds had not yet been invented.)

I'm sorry, BS, but THAT is, hands down, the funniest thing I've read by anyone, not named The Cycling Dude, in 8 years of Bike Blogging.

Hilarious! ;-D

Thanks for making my day! ;-D

Dave said...

Snobbie, despite being exposed as the tated-up hipster wannabe that you are, you still got it. Thanks.

SD friend said...

RTMS,

Ya, and they are in the day time, so the racers aren't crashing into street cones

Sufferist,
I'd do critical mass before ever doing a triathlon.

cyclotourist said...

RTMS, Due to your religious heritage (now that we know who you really are), you wouldn't understand the cultural significance of that license plate. It refers to tears of Xenu (he cries blood) as he was forced to execute the rebellious scum of the universe, so many trillions of years ago. He didn't want to do it but had no choice. Hence his tears. Of blood.

They don't teach you that in Lobster God school!

grog said...

Punkin chunkin lives.
I curate victory by palping brew.

Fierce Panties said...

Snob, (can I still call you snob?)
When will the book signing schedule drop? I'm assuming you'll be coming through New Mexico to "slay" hi to Sergio.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Cyclotourist,

My heritage it's quite as simple as my name might imply. Also, I admit I am a convert to Lobsterism, hence my zealotry.

--RTMS

Grace Period said...

If your child speaks Aramaic, and I assume he will (doesn't everybody?), will he refer to you as Abba Eben?

g said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
g said...

Grace,
What I meant to say was that the child will only say that if they happen to be Mush-Mouth from Fat Albert.
It's not funnier the second time, but I wanted to get it right.

CommieCanuck said...

Lobsterists just convert for the free bibs.

TJ Eckleburg said...

Whew! I was dreading a void in my afternoon today, but you came with a great one Snobby.

Frilly, I giggled at Fofonov too.

Anonymous said...

geez, brooklyn by bike whines that she isn't included, even though it is unclear if she ever even rides a bike.

http://www.brooklynbybike.com/bike-snob-comes-out-talks-about-bike-culture-so/

cyclotourist said...

The story works great with the ladies, too. If you know what I mean!!!

ringcycles said...

Mr. Snob, I'm confident that if we design the superior carbon fibre counterweight trebuchet we could bring pumpkin tossing back to its days of glory.

Norman said...

I like being able to race without buying a racing license, being subjected to drug controls, or having to use equipment that is subject to the ever more bizarre UCI (etc) regulations.

sufferist said...

SD Freund:
Consider yourself baited. I'm a master at that...hmmmm...then what does that make me?

3G said...

When you pay $6,000 for bicycle wheels, you get the same thing you get when you pay $600, or even when you pay $150, which is a couple of round things that roll and atop which you will still suck at bike racing if you already sucked at bike racing.
Greatest sentence on the internet...ever!!

The more technical term for Lip Swirl = Labial Swirl. Is the Lip swirl counter clockwise, or clockwise?

rezado said...

a master debater

CommieCanuck said...

Is the Lip swirl counter clockwise, or clockwise?

Kids today...they don't know shit.
Depends on if you are north or south of the equator.

heath said...

oh yeah.

sufferist said...

CC:
A proper lip swirl always happens South of the Equator....

Frilly, can you confirm?

Anonymous said...

wolfpack hustle? what a bunch of faggots

yogisurf said...

Snobby, now I know the origin of the name for those NACA ducts on 1960's muscle cars. Great post today. I'll feel better when I ride home tonight on my $359.99 Mavic Open Pro's while practicing my ‘taint pick’ podium salute (My cycling shorts don’t fit well).

Faction said...

UPS Man! Ha!

mikeweb said...

Tonight will be my first ride home on my new Surley Cross Check get around ride - brown, of course.

Seems fitting.

Sigurd said...

'Tis a heavy burden, knowing the BikeSnob's true identity. But I will never reveal it. Sleep tight in your BikeCave, Snob. Your secret is safe with me.

Jefe said...

"4. The Cipo, Mark removes his helmet, wipes his hair back with chain grease, and buggers the #2 finisher."

Thanks Canuck, now I won't sleep for weeks.

d. fofonov said...

I am not receiving. You are calling yourself fan of all things velocipedec and yet you are not watching strong move of mine in last stage of Paris-Nice? I am winning entire damn thing for not D.S. calling me to retract effort for fear of arousing conscientiousness of UCI because of enhanced performance.

I am not repeating spoken words of Babushka but when she is hearing phrases like "Contador having difficult time because of weak team surrounding him" she is upsetting.

Do not upset Babushka of mine.

CommieCanuck said...

Muwah-ha-ha.

Anonymous said...

Think that would be "He bowled for you" -- and the He in this case, is obviously Jesus.

mikeweb said...

I'll add Cavendish salute #5:

In light of his recent dental problems, he utilizes the 'brushing my teeth' salute.

Though some might misinterpret that motion for an offer of a 'Lip Swirl'...

Anonymous said...

jeeze commiecanuck, start your own weblog already. How many times you gotta post a day? Why isn't it ever interesting?

Anonymous said...

Oh, Wolf-whatever-whatever.
So, your "underground" ride poaches a closed racecourse, gives away schwag, has a prize ceremony, and awards medals...? Ugh.

(I do like the part in the video when everyone finishes and stands silently, not knowing what to do next--A crowd of lost hipsters awaiting unofficial directions from the underground race director.)

Dave Odell (as long as we are outting ourselves here) said...

I think the most obvious Cavendish theatrical finish line salute (at least for this blog) would be "The Bike Snob" wherein "The Man Missile" tut-tuts reprovingly at the second place finisher's $6000 wheels and mimes the very act of blogging about the experience...replete with laptop.

lves here) said...

(cont'd from above non-anon posting)

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 4:24: Commiecanuck had his own blog for a while, but he ran out (or oot, as they say up there) of pictures of wet beavers, so he had to close up shop.

mikeweb said...

wiwm,

You sir shall be receiving a bill for replacement of one coffee covered keyboard.

harumph!

Astroluc said...

I'm "wolfpack hustlin'" to the back o' da pack!

ATEE ITHH

CommieCanuck said...

jeeze commiecanuck, start your own weblog already. How many times you gotta post a day? Why isn't it ever interesting?

That was fascinating, thanks for sharing.

CommieCanuck said...

(I do like the part in the video when everyone finishes and stands silently, not knowing what to do next--A crowd of lost hipsters awaiting unofficial directions from the underground race director.)

Interesting!

sufferist said...

Snobby, if your tour passes through the world hub of cycling literature, here in Tulsa, I'll come out to see you. I think that a some sort of secret handshake/gesture should be created to let you know that you are not just dealing with an ordinary run-of-the-mill shmuck, this shmuck is a frequent commenter on the very blog that you write. Would a reach around be too obvious? Maybe if I come in a chicken/lobster/dachshund/eagle/hawk/goose suit, that would be the subtle hint to tip you off.

Suggestions anyone?

Rick Donkey said...

The LA Marathon Crash Race is so fucking underground that the Wolfpack Hustlas have the LAPD at the finish line to make sure everything stays hush-hush.

frilly said...

I know what I'm wearing.

Anonymous said...

I may be a mystery
but I'm mostly a man
and if I can't do what you want me to
then just let me do what I can
see I knew you'd understand

now I'm a lover and a fiiighter
it's only been once or twice that I've raced
but I've been there
I've got the tats to prove it
but I live to race again
and I know you understand

we're pieces to a puzzle
the big picture and plan
but until I know for certain
you have to take me as I am
and I hope you understand

Jefe said...

Damn Frilly, that is a big step up from the socks. Is there a chamois in there?

Sam said...

There is a NACA/Douchebag connection. The giant, vaguely half-an-hourglass-shaped, and entirely FAKE air duct on the Pontiac TransAms of the early 1970's were modeled after an air intake duct designed by NACA. These are referred to by douchebags as "NACA Ducts."

Cognorant said...

They can't fool me! Anyone who takes time out of their day to write a comment to say they don't care about BSNYC revealed ....Bullshit. If you really didn't care you wouldn't feel the need to take time out of your day to say something.

Just sayin...

Anonymous said...

More

F*cking Fauxhemian Ironoclast of the Doucheoisi

TRND SLUT
HEAD SCRF
IRON OCLS
URBA NITE
WHAT EVER

System Administrator said...

Please, Sam. No duct jokes.

Nogocyclist said...

That Aludium Q35 Pumpkin Modulator reminds me of my outlaw youth activities. (I am not referring to the rumor that Eudora my Helper Eagle tried to start about me being a member in the Rock Band, I was never in a band of any kind.)

I will not expound with details in case the statute of limitations has not run out, but us bad kids in the ol' hood used to make PVC pipe cannons. We would drive a log as far as possible into a pipe and put a primer hole in it. Then we added a small amount of black power. Used 308 shells for the measuring cup. We commonly launched coke (what we call pop or soda in the south, not the power stuff) cans 100-150 yards.

We once made a larger one with 4 inch PVC. We attempted to shoot a softball with it. First shot it did not even come out the barrel. Added wading and used twice the black power, and the softball instantly went out of sight. Three of us watched, no one even saw it. Oh, did I mention that we did this in the middle of town? The youth today recklessly do a Wolfgang Hustle... Come on, that is not even in the ball park of being a real outlaw as shooting homemade artillery in the middle of town was.

This is true, except for Eudora's part, unless you are a law enforcement officer. Then it is just an old guy's tale from back in the day.

p.s. I have found out Eudora has figured out my passwords and has been pretending to be me on the Internet. I apologize if she said anything offensive I don't know about. She has a heck of an opinion on everything.

I have proof about Eudora, will have video in the future. Back in the day we were too busy being bad to try to take video. That and have you ever tried to watch a 16mm video, its quality is too bad even for YouTube.

ervgopwr said...

Today, my worst fears were averted. Now with EW's outing, I thought he might sit up and roll in to the finish. But NO, not only did he pass the race, he sprinted in to something like 23rd with this outstanding, dare I say "classic" post.

CLSC POST

and yeah, what's up with the book tour schedule?

BOOK TOUR

The Duct Works said...

System Administrator: Duct jokes are always allowed. We will accept that we are supposed to limit "duck jokes" but if I want to tell a duct joke I will.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Duct
Duct who?
Who cares, without ducts you will freeze in the winter, and burn up in the summer. DUCTS RULE!

urchin said...

Book tour? I'll probably show up if you're in the ATL, but don't expect me to look too pleased to see you.

Ducts? Um, Bartholin's ducts. Try that.

npj

ervgopwr said...

http://www.chroniclebooks.com/index/main,book-info/store,books/products_id,8698/

Pre-ordered. Let's get this thing on the NYT best sellers @ #1 and tell that old grey lady, yes, we will put things in your flower box or AYHSMB. Her choice.

John said...

Hey,

There is nothing "hipster" about Wolfpack Hustle. The weekly ride is pretty much dominated by spandex/racer types. The idea of riding fast in the streets of LA for 26 (relatively) unobstructed miles brought out a huge contingent of LA's diverse bike culture. I don't see why everyone here is hating on the ride? It was an awesome idea to take advantage of the marathon, which discontinued its traditional "bike tour" this year. It was fun and unpretentious (two very non hipster adjectives).

Blaiser said...

I like it, Ace -- no gifts.

Perfect.

Anonymous said...

i wouldn't spend a cent on panties
stolen panties are much more interesting

Anonymous said...

The jury's still out on spandex. On one hand, MashSF and its minions are "rocking"/promoting it, although one could also reasonably argue that spandex is simply a gateway transition material from hipster to yuppie. I'm not sure if tweed simply indicates a more enlightened variant of hipster or a low-level yuppie or just a vast descent into some fringe group like recumbent riders or iBOB(bers).

Nogocyclist said...

The Book

Preorder here. For those who do not like to cut and paste.

cyclotourist said...

Nice Monstercross bike to rule them all.

Anonymous said...

John:

"Diverse" is also the antithesis of hipster, and "culture" is also very non-hipster noun. But when you add "bike" to culture and said diverse event doesn't include Salvadorian food service workers in street clothes riding full-suspension Nexts and Magnas on sidewalks, then that sounds hipster to me.

Ace Brophy said...

Take yer pick:

http://cozybeehive.blogspot.com/2007/12/lore-of-victory-salute.html

The Editor said...

How do you get your photo to appear to the right of your comment.

Anonymous said...

look at this craigslist post. this guy thinks that the bike is worth the price because he placed well in a couple of beginners races. I think he is dumb. here is the link. http://pullman.craigslist.org/bik/1666113624.html

bikesgonewild said...

...being that we as roadies, hipsters, mtb-ers, commuters, bmx-ers, messengers or heaven fucking forbid, even recumbent-ists are all in one way or another, serious cyclists, my query would be, can we declare the purchase of bsnyc/rtms/ab/ew's new cycling book as a deductible ???...

...just, you know, sayin'...

Concerned 2.0 said...

Snob,

Thanks for making me spill coffee all over my "pantset" this morning. Time to buy stock in Victoria Secret. Everyone will be "lip swirling" with Swirl Lip pretty quick. Although personally I feel "lip swirling" in any sort of rim is not going to make me any better off. Maybe a bit disturbed...Oh and be ready for the coming of the next anti-Suzuki. Just sayin cause im concerned.

Anonymous said...

You have to admit, its alot better to see hipsters actually riding the bike like it should be instead of track standing and doing spins on their front wheel. The hustle is pretty interesting in that it includes both fixed riders and geared riders. Hipsters and roadies, no discrimination. Although, I don’t know how I would feel racing with brakeless riders even if they were in front of me.

Concerned 2.0 said...

I am already predicting seeing Jamil Kayin - "Life is Sweet" tomorrow. If not, you have really lost your touch Snob. Got to get those gold velocities with my Fuji track. Looks like he got into "bikes" already in 2008.

Carbon emissions created typing this: a sh*tload

Anonymous said...

I don't care what sort of bike you ride- racing through LA on a bunch of closed streets at 5am (in the dark) sounds like a blast. The fixed gear crowd starts to realize that racing is "fun" and everyone still has to spew a bunch of hate?

Oh I get it. There were some people there on track bikes. They must be doing it purely for image...

cyclegoddess said...

Hey, lay off Commie canuck!!
WE dont see YOU posting any pics of Mario C getting some action, now do we?
Bloody Oath, that was classic!!

But as for a secret club in meeting Snobby? Id take being anonymous. I dress like a Wilma. Plus my bike cost more than most of my cars.( It was on sale, though!! And the cars pieces of shit.)

Anonymous said...

I would argue that there is a legit difference between a rural road course or a city crit and 26 miles in the heart of LA. To close streets like Hollywood Blvd. and Sunset. Kinda special I guess. Reminds me of that opening sequence to Vanilla Sky. The only semi redeeming scene in that movie. Thanks to Radiohead...

The TOC will be having the TT in downtown LA.

Anonymous said...

NACA DUCK

(sort of...)

hey nonny mouse

Anonymous said...

wh is such an amazingly anoing crap...the music alone let my booger- fly

Luke said...

I'm wondering how many emails snob will receive with these news items:

http://www.bikeradar.com/news/article/news-round-up-london-milano-straitline-sram-pearl-izumi-colnago-25601

LK said...

Snob,

Is that your yoinked cockpit at 3:14 on the LA video?

streepo said...

"He balled for you"?

Jefe said...

I pre-ordered the book. Waiting for the UPS man on April 21.

Anonymous said...

If the finish it tight, Contador is working on a pull my finger salute.

frilly said...

Speaking of AC, did you see VeloNews today?

Jefe said...

Frilly, my theory is proven. Eureka!

frilly said...

What theory is that?

Los Angeles uber alles said...

Love ya snob no matter what you say about Wolfpack Hustle. But all you other "faggots" come
to LA and roll 45 miles on our streets and get dropped right quick. your city (NY SF OHIO or whatevs) ain't even half the size and the traffic here will eat your pussy whole.

Anonymous said...

yeah yeah go to bombay you maggot...

victor said...

it says wolf pack, but i see no pack. on the plus side, there are no race fees (therefore more money to be contributed for ultra pricey wheels)

archimage said...

Los Angeles uber alles, why are you wolfpack folks such obvious idiots? I see you guys try to roll past the wall, but are to scared to even look over, looking all messenger tough with nothing in your bags. Why cant you "fags" get your own style, not just copy people who are making a living. Why not copy construction workers? If you think you are so tough, go on a ride with ash and the other messengers, 100 miles just to drink some beer. The pousers show up and are soon dropped, like always. A bike is a tool, not a fashion statement, you hipster fool.

karmie said...

Great stuff! But I thought Cavs was the Manx Missile, as dubbed by a feverish Phil Ligett 2 seasons ago during one of his climactic sprint commentaries. I also look forward to Cavs' creative salutes, thank you so much for your insights.

Anonymous said...

Archimage. You have no idea what you are talking about. Show up to the regular Wolfpack ride at Tang's Donuts Monday @ 10pm on Sunset and Fountain. The CA state champ roadie sets the pace so I hope you can ball. 80 percent roadie 20 percent street. You would get destroyed. You see one "hipster" and label that entire crowd. It's such an easy target for your criticism too. This is a positive thing.

Wolfpack rides fast and hard. Faster than most races I've been in. And for your information New York's best messengers showed up for this race. Red Bull sponsored messengers at that. They did not win.
Read the race report here: http://www.trackosaurusrex.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry100330-142823

archimage said...

The funny thing is that I have done "wolfpack" rides, and as a professional messenger for 9 years, I was dismayed at the lack of common sense when it came to riding fast in traffic and the general feeling of macho bravado that dominates the riders. We know how to survive in traffic, so when I see countless close calls and "extreme" mentality, I just wonder what you folks are trying to achieve. Possibly a broken arm as a badge of courage?
I ride every day for a living and cant afford to get hit by a car or to have drivers remember me as the cyclist that they had a previous bad encounter with.
Also, why would anyone want to dress "messenger style"?

Nogocyclist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nogocyclist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
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