Thursday, September 24, 2009

Burning the Fat: Fueled by Fatuousness

Like a child on Christmas morning, I awake each day expecting to find something exciting from Interbike. However, like a Jewish child on Christmas morning, I awake saddened to find nothing. Granted, it's early yet, but so far I visit sites like VeloNews and Cyclingnews to see what's "dropped" only to to find that the life-changing cycling products I crave remain undescended like a newborn's testes. Instead, it seems like Interbike simply takes place year after year so that we can bear witness to the gradual crabonification of all things cycling:

Crabonification is the bicycle equivalent of osteoporosis, in that it simply involves everything getting less dense and more brittle over time. With road cycling having reached near-total crabonification years ago, it's only natural that the frame-wasting disease is now afflicting cyclocross. Certainly, I acknowledge this is necessary for cycling's growth, since when the cyclocross-curious roadie asks the inevitable question, "Is there carbon I can buy?," the answer must be "Yes!" Alas, despite the visibility of the urban cycling trend, it's still roadies and triathletes who are willing to spend the most money, and in order to convince them that things like cyclocross bikes are essential additions to their "stables" it's crucial to make them available in crabon form. In this sense, crabon legitimizes a bicycle in the same way Snell or ANSI legitimizes a helmet, or UL legitimizes an appliance, or a set of knuckle tattoos legitimizes a hipster.

Also, people are still making a fuss over 29ers:

If you're wondering which wheel size works, the answer of course is: "All of them, provided they are round." Until someone tries to market a square, rectangular, or rhomboid offroad wheelset there's really not that much over which to deliberate. Sure, different sized wheels perform differently, but it's really not all that complicated. If you find yourself pondering the differences between 26-inch and 29-inch wheels, the main thing to remember is that the 29-inch wheels are bigger. The whole argument's totally moot anyway (that's "moot" and not "Moots"--a "Moots" argument is incredibly expensive but has "meticulous welds") since I just returned from the SSWC (which of course represents the vanguard of mountain bike fashion) and it's obvious that the future of offroad cycling is the 36er:

At this rate, if wheel size continues to increase unchecked, mountain bike riders will look like cartoon characters getting flattened between two rollers, or like they're drowning in a giant knobby cleavage.

Meanwhile, it seems as though some are betting that electric bikes will be the next big thing. Awhile ago Cyclingnews reported from Trek World that "electric-assisted bikes are now the most popular type of commuter in Holland and they're hoping the trend will catch on in the US." And as any self-righteous commuter worth his blazer, leather satchel, freight elevator, and giant loft knows, when it comes to city bikes the Dutch can do no wrong. However, Trek had better crank up the wattage, because it seems that Sanyo's "dropping" an electric bike in the US too:

I believe the last Sanyo product I used came with a dual cassette, so I wonder if this bicycle also features auto reverse. Frankly, I'm wary of electric bikes, if only because I feel that, on the whole, Americans have not earned the right to use them. The point of the electric bike is that it allows people to maintain their effortless, sweat-free lifestyles, and if anything I believe Americans should be forced to work harder and sweat more. Worse, we continue to delude ourselves. Dunkin' Donuts's slogan is "America Runs on Dunkin'." This is ridiculous. The truth is that America isn't running anywhere--if anything, America sits on its collective "scranus" and gets fat on Dunkin'. The problem with commuting by bicycle isn't that it's too strenuous; it's that it's too dangerous. Straining makes you healthy. Danger kills you.

Still, it very well could be that the future of cycling is electrically-assisted. Perhaps that's why Radio Shack has gotten involved in the sport. It could be that a new Tandy commuter is in the works, and it could also be that it will be powered by a revolutionary new resource. Recently, I was checking out Lance Armstrong's Twitter (checking out Lance Armstrong's Twitter is something most cyclists do whether they admit it or not--kind of like sniffing their own chamois) when I noticed that he had galvanized recalcitrant telephone service provider AT&T into action with a mere Tweet of his wrist:

So approximately 28 hours (or 1,680 minutes) after Tweeting his dissatisfaction, AT&T went from a state of total inertia to one of action. Furthermore, Lance Armstrong has approximately two million Twitter followers. This would support the hypothesis that there is a direct relationship between the number of one's Twitter followers and the force of a Tweet--in other words, a 2,000,000-follower Tweet can get AT&T moving in 28 hours. With 4,000,000 followers, perhaps it would have taken 14 hours, or with 1,000,000 followers maybe it would have taken 56 hours. In any case, a better mathematician than me could easily calculate the force exerted by each Twitter follower. (Perhaps there's even a relationship to the DFU.) So if Radio Shack could somehow manage to harness this then we could be on the cusp of using social networking as a renewable fuel resource. For example, the simple act of Ashton Kutcher Tweeting a morbidly fatuous question like "if some1 raped you when you were 13 then pimped you out would you kill them?" could potentially provide light and warmth to a small town. Sure, opponents will claim that the cultural pollution caused by incessant and vacuous Tweeting is even worse than the greenhouse gases caused by our current activities. However, as Al Gore will happily remind you, those glaciers are melting, and at least those poor drowning polar bears can't read.

For Radio Shack's sake, I hope this is what they have in mind, because it seems there's little future in actual radios:

While I personally think it's totally pointless to ban radios, I do admire the UCI for shrewdly deflecting attention from a problem that's arguably unsolvable (doping) and instead moving it to one that's easily extirpated (hiding radios.) It's kind of like finally coming to terms with the fact you're never going to learn how to speak Turkish and just deciding to walk around every day in a fez instead. Plus, there's the added bonus that banning radios doesn't involve handling more urine samples--unless of course riders start secreting them in their urethras.

In any case, the only thing that would be more revolutionary than a Twitter-powered bicycle would be a bicycle powered entirely by smarm, and now that Rock Racing is finally introducing its own line of bikes (to which I was alerted by a number of readers) it seems as though we may very well live to see this happen in our lifetimes:

Clearly, the technology behind a smarm-powered bike is vastly more complicated than even Twitter power:

“We wanted to have one fluid design from head to pavement, one collective Rock Racing attitude on the bike,” said Fedon. “We’ve applied wavelength theory and vibration analysis to create a lighter, stronger bike. The ride quality of our bikes are tuned in to the rider, merging technology and science to improve the cycling experience.”

Yes, in order to harness the "collective Rock Racing" attitude, engineers had to use "theory and vibration analysis," which I'm sure involved distilling the "ambiguous goo" of which Michael Ball consists to its very essence. Oh, and if you're wondering, the answer is: "Yes, there will be a Rock Racing fixie:"

The Rock Racing RX-1 and X-2 editions are full-on racing bicycles while the 4815 – so named because of its 48 x 15 gear cluster – is an all-round bike inspired by the exploding urban “fixie” trend.

Says Ball, a former track racer, “Just as BMX’s transformed cycling, fixies are going to be the next big alternative sport. They are making cycling fashionable with a whole new urban crowd and Rock Racing is excited to help fuel this growing trend.”

If the Republic/Urban Outfitters bike represents the hangover after the metaphorical drinking binge that was the fixed-gear trend, then certainly the Rock Racing fixed-gear is the ill-advised "hair of the dog." (That hair, of course, is impeccably styled using "ambiguous goo.") Really, my biggest reservation is the name, which is "4815" and alludes to the gear ratio. What happens if you want to change it? Will this simply mean that if you use a different gear combination the bicycle will be outside of its carefully-engineered "viscous comfort zone" yet still functional? Or does it actually rely on vertical dropouts and a "magic ratio" which cannot be altered?

Well, I guess there's no way of knowing without actually going to Interbike, or, failing that, gazing into a crystal ball, or, failing that, gazing into a fixed-gear-themed screensaver, which a reader informs me you can now purchase on eBay:

Actually, one of the screenways even features a bike with square wheels:

I wonder if they roll as well as a 29er. Actually, I'm pretty sure they don't--almost as sure as I am that these Republic bike cast-offs are not worth more than a quarter of what an entire Republic bike costs:

Track/Road bike parts (williamsburg, brooklyn)
Date: 2009-09-24, 1:09AM EDT
Reply to: [deleted]

Republic Bike:
1 1/8" threadless Matte Black fork (straight blade)+1 1/8" Threadless headset - $60 - Will fit a 54cm bike and smaller.
Back brake system - Includes Lever/Caliper/Noodle/Pad - $15
Pics here of parts:

Gold Handlebar 25.4mm - $20
1 1/8" Threadless 25.4mm, 90mm stem(black) - New - $20

Will sell headset separately if you want it.

Even if the fork is genuine hi-ten steel:

In fact, I'm as certain of it as I am that women between the ages of 22 and 25 love men in plaid. Consider this:

Plaid shirt at Rockwood Music Hall, Tuesday night - w4m - 25 (Lower East Side)
Date: 2009-09-23, 12:52AM EDT

I was alone watching the Novice Theory EP launch. Glasses, messenger bag, scowl. You were with a friend, wearing a red plaid shirt. You went outside after the show ended, when I hopped on my bike and rode away. I'd come from a movie in Brooklyn and was pretty beat so couldn't stretch to starting a conversation at midnight, but you were pretty hot. Reply if you see this and we can go see a movie or a show together?

And this:

You were tall, had a beard, and were wearing plaid - w4m - 22 (Graham Avenue, Greenpoint)
Date: 2009-09-23, 2:56PM EDT

Hi. We keep seeing each other around our block, Graham Avenue. I ran into you at Variety and I saw you at Legion and once at The Richardson. You're really tall, you have a nice beard and you are always wearing plaid shirts. You are exactly my type.. We've made eye contact a few times, but I'm usually too shy. You look like you probably like really great music like Wilco, TV On The Radio, or Death Cab For Cutie.

I have long brown hair with bangs, and big eyes, and I am usually riding my bike around Graham ave. I have a tattoo on my wrist.

If you think this is you, please write me back. Maybe I'll say hi to you finally this weekend at Legion.

I feel I very well may have glimpsed the future. It is clad in plaid and powered by Twitter.


Astroluc said...


mikeweb said...


mikeweb said...

Wednesday recreation hangover?

Astroluc said...

Crabon is to cycl(ing/ists) as chrome is to Harley Riders as PBRs and ironic Ts and iPhones are to hipsters... I could go on.

Anonymous said...


JClev19 said...


Anonymous said...

je suis le haute dix

innerlighter said...

rly bird!

innerlighter said...

and who needs e's?

Anonymous said...

back to the wednesday weed...

Anonymous said...

pardon,je suis dans les dix principaux

JClev19 said...

Who needs Sanyo when you can do that shit yourself?

Anonymous said...

With 25mm 700c tires, isn't the 4815 about an 85-inch gear?

Is that good for all-around riding?

I like a little bit lower, myself, but then I haul groceries home and stuff I find on trash night.

Michael Ball should bleach his hair and cut his hair really short, that black dye looks nasty.

Astroluc said...

~sigh~ electric bikes are no more a bike than a moped; a moped has pedals, right? so an electric bike is actually a moped!.

I like my sweaty commutes; and I am not ashamed to admit I sniff my own chamois.


rezado said...


Anonymous said...

i have a new desktop background

Anonymous said...

there is a special place in Hell for electric bikes...

just think for the cost of 1 electric bike you could have a fleet of four or more decommissioned city firetrucks

Reed Enwright said...

Are we talking 1990s plaid or Burberry.

Not sure which is worse.

hillbilly said...

isn't it thursday? i'm very confused.

hillbilly said...


mikeweb said...

luc, I agree on the electric bike thing, though mopeds are usually gas powered. I've started seeing many of them in NYC and usually I pass them on my 'regular' bicycle without a lot of effort.

Not sure I really understand: an electric bike lets you go about 10 to 12 MPH without having to pedal, as oppossed to pedaling and going maybe 8 to 10 MPH? And for this gain your 'bicycle' goes from weighing in at about 30 pounds up to 50+ pounds and includes a chemically toxic rechargeable battery?

Never underestimate the desire of perfectly able-bodied people to exert the least amount of physical force possible to accomplish every last one of their daily tasks no matter what the health or environmental costs may be.

Anonymous said...

Rock Racing is an "extremely successful" team?

Anonymous said...

Manwhile? Freudian slip?

CommieCanuck said...

I like that guy from the lower East side, "I would have talked to you, but I was wiped out after watching a movie."

Which can only mean one thing, he was at an olde school porn theater.

Glasses, messenger bag, scowl. .

I was alone watching the Novice Theory EP launch.

No shit.

CAPS LOCK said...




Anonymous said...

Bikesnob I suggest the alternate spelling of "cabron", instead of "crabon".
You know, for the benefit of the Latino community.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Snob-
last night after dfl some folk were talking about about what they'd read on some fix-gear discussion boards. Seems the latest fascination of the fixie crowd isn't Cushmans, but rather cyclocross. Expect top see a lot of skinny jeans in the singlespeed categories. And while they otherwise shun brakes, for 'cross they do like them some Paul Component Cantis.

I decided I'm not going to let this bother me, but I thought you should know.

Anonymous said...

I don't live in brooklyn, but i have an idea to this dude's identity-
"You're really tall, you have a nice beard and you are always wearing plaid shirts."
If he had a big blue ox, I can definitely get you his ID, but I think he lives in Minnesota

Sam said...

wilco and death cab for cutie!!! uggh. she should just check the subscription registry for paste magazine to narrow down her search

Astroluc said...


yeah, I should've said it's just an electric rather than a gas powered moped

Slappy said...

goly what a lot of STompariLLAz.. sswc was pretty well inundated by stompaz, snobby got the daily drivin tall bikes shot.. and the Stompa from before time, Scotty2hotty won the 36'r which he will be racing at SSWC!0 in NZ! thanks for coming to duhrango snobby

Brian said...

"(checking out Lance Armstrong's Twitter is something most cyclists do whether they admit it or not--kind of like sniffing their own chamois)"

There is no dignity in checking out Lance's Twitter. Besides, it sounds kind of...not that there's anything wrong with that.


mikeweb said...

I don't check out Lance's Twitter only because I don't have the proper medical certifications.

ant1 said...


Dave said...

So now that UCI is going to ban radios, is RadioShack reconsidering their sponsorship? Or is Snobby right and Lance's team will feature the all new Tandy bike computer. Large, slow and clunky. But cheap.

Anonymous said...

........................................Isn't today Thursday ?........

"It's kind of like finally coming to terms with the fact you're never going to learn how to speak Turkish and just deciding to walk around every day in a fez instead." - Brilliant insight.

If all materials things are carbon based isn't my cro-moly frame a "refined carbon frame" ???

bikesgonewild said...

..."Crabonification is xxx bicycle equivalent of osteoporosis, in that it simply involves everything getting less dense and more brittle over time."... = the missing "the"...

...other than missing the word "the", truer words were never spoken as regards the bicycle industry..."crabon fiber" is THE catch phrase of our times...

Strayhorn said...

Man, I was wearing a fez just last night, singing along to Steely Dan.

Now that wearing a fez has the imprimatur of RTMS, I think I'll wear one for this weekend's half-century instead of a helmet. I'm sure I can scavenge a chin strap off an old helmet.

I'm already excited about the prospect of my tassel flying in the wind.

bikesgonewild said...

...& that glaring & egregious wrong date debacle is really gonna fuck up the usual fliday frum quiz...

...just sayin'...

sufferist said...

I am personally discouraged by the excessive concentration on Twitter. It's not that great, really....Your stuff is not that cool, if I wanted you to know about mine, I'd tell you (person-to-person) not randomly shouted out to the ether to await the echo that builds up a misplaced feeling of self-importance.


Fred said...

Being a Fred, I have been using the same pair of khaki touring shorts for over 23 years. Amongst other advantages, this allows me to sniff my own chamois without removing the shorts.

chiggins said...

This would support the hypothesis that there is a direct relationship between the number of one's Twitter followers and the force of a Tweet

Forceful tweets: You do know about this, don't you? That's some twitt'r paw'r raht thar.

hillbilly said...

thanks bgw, i didn't want to be a nag and say it again, but the wednesday weed lasting into thursday is really messin with me....

i find lane's tweeting for his infant son a bit odd.

Anonymous said...

Two Wednesdays a week = more Wed. Weed per week...

bikesgonewild said...

...more than you know, hillbilly...

...lemme offer ya a' vitamin c to help ya out...

mikeweb said...

I have a Fez at home also, but it's from Morocco.

I was thinking of a similar metaphor today as I was riding up 6th ave. on the way to work. I saw someone in (on?) Rollerblades on their way to work or somewhere.

I thought to myself, getting to work or school on Rollerblades is kind of like crossing the English Channel while sitting on top of a beach ball.

leroy said...

Oh dear.

Based on these tea leaves, the future is clad in plaid, but consists of aging hipsters with power assisted bikes humming "It's electric. Boogie, woogie, woogie."

The horror. The horror.

Anonymous said...


The UCI bans radios. Lance rides for team Radioshack. Irony ensues.

Using the equation bicycles + irony = hipsters, we find that:

Lance Armstrong is a hipster.


db said...

Sweet Jesus, lots of gems in there, Snob.

- RE: 29ers. Did you see Elden's report on the Fisher demo in Utah? The industry seems more attuned to the racing demographic than the weekend warrior demographic. Guess soon I'll have to raid eBay to get parts for my Fisher 26er.

- "...merging technology and science to improve the cycling experience." Uh, hasn't technology always been a part of science? A subset, really? Someone in marketing is trying to sound smarter than they really are -- kinda like Rock Racing itself.

- "The problem with commuting by bicycle isn't that it's too strenuous; it's that it's too dangerous." -- Amen.

Anonymous said...

Wanna bet who's buying those electric assist bicycles in the Netherlands? I live in Holland and the only people I see riding them are the elderly. It's true we do have lots and lots of old folks riding bikes here, and if the electric assist helps them out, well, uh, more power to them. But I haven't seen anyone under the age of about 70 riding an electric assist bike.

hillbilly said...

ha, thanks bgw, I needed that. yes, that would be lance's infant son, not lane's, although it is nothing specifically against lance, i would also find it odd if lane did the same, whomever lane might be.

grog said...

electric banana

Anonymous said...

Echoing db 2:05,

Mr. Snob (or possibly Dr. Snob as you seem familiar with undescended testes)

you are on fire today......

Isolation Helmet said...

What science and technology led them to think that a 48 x 15 made any sense for most fixie riders? I guess they are looking for the buyer that rides it once or twice and then lists it on Craigslist because it is too hard to ride.

I've thought about electric assist. I have an 850 foot climb at the end of my daily commute and would love to avoid it on some days.

bikesgonewild said...

...hmmm..."take the lane", perhaps ???...

ant1 said...

Sam 1:07 - Let's not talk shit about Paste. When I ride my fixie to the bar and drink my daily ration of PBR, I do so 20 feet from the front door of the Paste offices. And for some reason Paste gets sent to my place every month. And I like Wilco. So basically you're making me look bad. Please stop. Come to think of it, I look bad on my own. Stop reminding me.

Wrench Monkey said...

Maybe we could put R-sys wheels on some of those exploding urban fixies that Mr. Ball mentions and watch the hilarity that ensues.

Anonymous said...

if those electric bikes start showing up on bike paths, i may have to get an EMP!

Rantwick said...

RTMS - If you're truly looking for presents from Interbike, there's a dude from who is posting all kinds of snazzy new product ideas in youtube vids taken on the tradeshow floor.

There's a bamboo/crabon bike among those posts, and vinyl fixie wrap things and...

mikeweb said...

Wow - watching the Mens' Worlds TT and Wiggins had a wig-out. Some kind of 'mechanical' it seems...

LowBalls said...

In CA we run 36" wheels with discs that continue to spin while we track stand and swig PBR at the red lights.


ant1 said...

Cancellara's ride today was damn impressive. Too bad Wiggo pulled a Hincapie/Millar.

thegock said...


Anonymous said...

Wow, I am so out of it! I thought plaid shirts and beards were part of the recumbent scene.

Wait... Oh shit! The future rides an electric recumbent?

thegock said...

I rode the Trek electric assist bike about two hours ago. A Trekrep was showing it to the owner of the LBS and I did a ten block spin. It's fun, takes off pretty quick and cost $2,400 according to the rep.

Got more satisfaction of the eyeball bleeding laps at the Tuesday night world championships, though.

kale said...

That last cl post is the funniest shit ever - I hope that's a bored creative writing student's idea of a joke.

I hope the Rock Racking bike is available at Walmart (the target market) and comes in the appropriate colourway.

BikeLemming said...

I wonder how much the wonderful Rock Racing bikes will cost? As "affordable" as their jerseys?

Anonymous said...


Shram said...


kale said...

Damn, it really is Thursday...

jolene said...

anybuddy want to go get me a pack of smokes and a handle of vodka reds done gone to get hisself some new carhartts

Darren Stuart Embry said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Gosh, it makes me sad when bike snob new york city takes a while to get his daily post up. I hope he's ok and not lying dead in a ditch someplace. Usually this is an indication of a particularly enjoyable or relevant topic -- a review perhaps?

Stuart said...

wow 48x15 is huge, that's like getting knuckle tats for your very first tattoo

Continued from Wednesday said...

DM (Design minion) So Mike, you're sure that 48 x 15 is the GR to go with.
MB Drop it bitch! We's taking freeflow trickster hereways in. Outsuccessing our own success like yeah ...radical moves, and?.
DM Isn't 48 x 15 a mainframe GR from your own track slaying daze dude?
(pods 'Grizzly Bear' and elevens volume)
MB (animated and quivering)'Trolling for Polar Bear Carcasses' they are not, but yeah, I ustause that gear!
DM Man, you sure that's an up for Williamsburg?
MB As sure as a plaid cross shirt!

kale said...


I think Rock Racing is going to corner the designer knee brace and cane market.

kale said...

Or should I say "Rock n' Republic"

Grand Dad Crunk said...

Death Cab for Cutie and a Tattoo on her wrist!! My dream girl - hahaha

mikeweb said...

i second that ant1 - Spartacus crushed it. He even made it look easy with total lack of grimaceways.

Anonymous said...

Electric unicycle!!

Test Tickle said...

"You're really tall, you have a nice beard and you are always wearing plaid shirts. You are exactly my type."

Damn, baby, move to Seattle. You may find a couple thousand who are "just your type."

Snob - bummed I couldn't figure out who you were at SSWC. Hell, I could've talked to you on the hike a bike and not even have known it.

I was wearing a pink Care Bear costume Friday night at the party. I may have hugged you? Damn, this starting to sound like a missed connections post on CL.


ant1 said...

tickle - got any pics?

Test Tickle said...

Slappy - I just figured out your identity. Your initials are MC and you recently bought hockey gloves for your brother, BC. You are a true friend my man.



Test Tickle said...

now if i could figure out BS's real identity.


mikeweb said...

the thing I don't get about the second CL-MC ad is that she says that she always sees him around her neighboorhood(sic).

So instead of actually going up to him and saying "Hi, my name is ___", she posts a CL ad - probably after 2 glasses of wine home alone for courage.

Either that or bearded plaid man "rolls 10 deep" and she's afraid of his posse.

rezado said...

How many readers does bsnyc have? And, how long will it take to receive something from interbike to slander...errr review?

Fuck tweeting. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

The force is strong with this blog.

Anonymous said...

Fabian is gonna be p**sed at you fo0r bumping him off the podium

bikesgonewild said... bradley wiggins, whom all the peleton boys call "wiggo" is opening a "full service" bicycle shop similar to juan pelota's "mellow johnny's" & has been searching for a cool name...

...might i suggest 'wiggo's wacky world of wonderfully wigged out wheels' ???...

...& cancellara ???...damn, son...stone cold killer !!!...1min 27sec over 2nd place ???...3min 37sec over 10th in a world class field ???...

...i know this was in his home of switzerland but WOW !!!, there's guys still crying in their beers over in mendrisio...

Beverly Hills Proc said...

"Straining makes you healthy."

I'm not so sure your proctologist would agree.


wishiwasmerckx said...



Day two.

It ia a thrill indeed seeing so many products on display that have been mocked on this site.

Saw the bikes Lance and Fabian rode in the prologue in Monaco, the bike Andy Schleck rode in the mountain stages, and the special bike Alberto rode on the Champs Elysee.

I atoned for my unkind words last Friday by chatting up the ladies at the "Go Girl" booth.

Met my hero, the man himself, Eddie Merckx. I asked him how Axel was doing, and he said "He's right there." Sure enough, standing a few feet away was Axel. I asked him how he was enjoying retirement, and he said just fine. I told him that I had named my dog after him. This was followed by an awkward silence. He got this uncomfortable expression on his face, then started looking for an escape route, lest I turned out to be actually dangerous, and not merely crazy.

Ah, good times.

ant1 said...

bgw - I heard instead of a coffee shop there will be a bar in the store.

bikesgonewild said...

...ant1...actually, both ain't a bad idea...

...cuppa pre-ride joe (or mate' pour moi) to make ya go, then stop n' quaff a local brew on the way home... might be on ta somethin' here...

JonnyFunk said...

Snob: If you are at all interested in understanding the power potentials of Twitter and other social media I would suggest looking into #followratio. Actually, you won't find it if you search Twitter (because I invented it and my friend and I are the only ones who have played around with the concept) but it is simple:

following/followers = ?

I'm not sure what the result indicates, but I believe that there are windows of values that can tell us something about the Twitterer. For example, if your #followratio is close to the value of 1 we can assume that you are a pretty self-contained guy (close to actualization, etc.) If you're above 1 it means that you either just joined twitter and have gone a bit nuts-o, or you think you have more friends then you actually do. The lower the number gets, the greater your celebrity status (at least on the Twitter website). Lance's would very high, naturally.

If we translate this into power, then we could test a thesis that states that the lower a person's #followratio becomes, the more power their tweet can generate.

What do you think?

J. Tull said...


ant1 said...

bgw - how bout Brad's Bikes and Brews?

Guy in plaid said...

I had a great followratio the other night. I was out riding and got a flat, but didn't have a pump or anything. Then this hot hipster chick came along and pulled out a patch kit...

Anonymous said...

Disappointed at the lack of p-far pics from INTR BIKE.

Stupid cycling community. BE MORE ATAVISTIC.

If Snobby's predictions are to materialize, we'll need at least one shot of someone u-locking a pfar while strumming a banjo.


bikesgonewild said...

...ant1, wiggins is english so let's not upset his sensibilities... the very least the sign should read "bradley's bikes n' brews"...bradley wiggins - proprietor...

Mad Mark said...

no. no more plaid shorts

Anonymous said...

Even kryptonite does not know how to lock a bike.

Interbike is bike porn, but the kind you have to look away from, it is so disgusting.

Trek, never really wanted to be a bicycle making company anyways, they are Harley Davidson wannabees from Wisconsin

bikesgonewild said...


..."no, really, honestly, monsieur america that's considered a tribute...for real, dude...ya, well hey, i love my dog...listen, dude, i was fucking honoring both you & yer son, alright !!!...
...oh, hi security, hey, hey, don't touch me, leave me alone you can't throw me out a the 'sands'...i've got credentials, merckx, alex, please, help me out here !!!...HELP !!!"

...hope ya had a good day down there, wishiwasmerckx...

...just sayin'...

Mad Mark said...

was that a real lock comment or a masiguy plug?

bikesgonewild said...

...whoops...guess i wudda got tossed too, for callin' axel merckx, alex...

...i believe that "alex" was his least that's my story n' i'm stickin' to it...

Dan said...

followratio = fellatio?

Anonymous said...

I use to fret about my 2008 Jamis Exile SS 29er 631 frame till I saw how easy it was to dent a 853 frame. I think crabon wont age well. My LBS stocks 29er tubes only because this is my second 29er bike. The first a 2008 Fuji Monteray 1.0 stepthrough. Once you get a 29er rolling it doesnt wont to stop. Neither bike will fit on the local transit bus bikes racks because of extended wheel base. I can hear the designers, whats the biggest wheel we have to worry about. As such I cant even get my LBS which builds custom bikes to retrofit my Jamis 29er disc brakes with 26er using disc brakes. It seems to me the calliper 'sees' a disc assuming same size and not a tire size. They mumble something about geometry.

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Hey, why does full text of the posts not show up in my reader anymore? This 1st paragraph business is bogus.

bikesgonewild said...

...w/ all the talk & 'excitement' around here, i think it's high time during interbike that i announce the introduction of the "bamboobikesgonewild"(tm) version of "the bamboo bike"... may take a while to bring to fruition but mine will be based on the "isotruss" open weave concept similar to "arantix's delta 7"...

...however, being concerned about organic methods of manufacturing, i'll be building mine from tiny, delicate bamboo shoots no thicker than matchsticks...the longitudinal pieces will be bound to each other by short pieces forming a constant triangulation throughout, as such forming the "isotruss" structure & bound by 'organo-resin'(tm) impregnated spider webs which are known for their superior strength & resiliency...

...'organo-resin'(tm) is a composite i've discovered utilizing fairy tears, bat guano & himalayan sea salt..

..i anticipate slow build times but maximum strength potential & wonderfully superior ride qualities...

...the terms "laterally stiff & vertically compliant" come to mind... would have been a great opportunity to introduce the 'bamboobikesgonewild'(tm) bike at interbike but alas, w/ my funding this is as close as i can get...well, that & what w/ the restraining order...

...anyway, look for my "ride tested" panda shots soon...

Anonymous said...

I am no scientist, but I play one is grad school, so lets take a look at this:

First, in all of science, we need some form of standardization, I will attempt to use SI (standard international) units, but the definitions might become a bit muddled like a brooks saddle when left uncovered in the rain:

If “Lance Armstrong has approximately two million Twitter followers” lets say that in the given time span (28 hours) that each of these followers check his or her twitter (unlikely, but this is the equivalent average of each follower checking the twitter less than once a day) once, and this imparts that AT & T is mobilized in 28 hours. Lets say that an AT&T truck weighs 5000 kg and we will make the assumption that the ‘force’ of the truck is that due to gravity, pulling with a constant acceleration of 9.8 m/s^2, so the force of one AT&T truck, (by Newton’s second law) is 9.8m/s^2 * 5000 kg = 49,000 N of force. This is the amount of force generated by the collective of twitter followers (2,000,000), assuming a linear relationship between the number of tweets and the force provided, one Armstrong twitter follower generates .0245 N of force. Also, we know that work is force * distance (technically it’s the integral), additionally, according to google, Austin Texas is approximately 650 km ^ 2 (650,000,000 m ^ 2) in area. Taking the city layout as a circle, it has a radius of approximately 14,000 meters. Worst case scenario this is the max distance that a AT&T truck would have to drive, assuming that the AT&T hub is centrally located, lets divide this distance in half (this is just an order of magnitude calculation anyway).

So, the Again, the force of one tweet is .0245 N and it acts on the AT&T truck over a distance of 7,000 meters, for a total work of 170 J. Using the work energy theorem, we can say that work is the change in energy, so each tweet contributes 170 J of energy. which is .047 watt hours, which I think is about the amount of energy to run a 60 watt light bulb for less than 3 seconds, so... yeh prolly (not probably) enough to solve the worlds energy crisis, but it was worth a thought SNOB. Its also possible that I made several errors in my calculation, I’ve had a few ales. Additionally, a conversion factor is straight forward from a Lance Armstrong Tweet (LAT) to a DFU, I will leave this conversion as an exercise to the other readers. Cheers Snob


upgiver said...

Oh no, the fixters have discovered cyclocross already? Maybe it'll pass like the running scare, because in 'cross you actually have to ride and get your threads dirty.

They also finally figured out how to cross the scary streetcar tracks that were protecting my neighborhood until 2 weeks ago (or maybe they ferry them across in a cushman). Just in time to take over that new gluten free coffee shop.

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 8:43pm...

...while i hated to take time out from building the first "bamboobikesgonewild"(tm) frame, i found yer calculations to be perfectly plausible & exceedingly correct...

Anonymous said...

Actually Square Tires do work on the right terrain!

Jen said...

I see that the domain "" is still available...

Anonymous said...

"I believe the last Sanyo product I used came with a dual cassette, so I wonder if this bicycle also features auto reverse."

i lol'd.

leroy said...

BGW --

The Marketing Department called. They say your new bike "can't miss" if you call it the "Big Bambu."

They suggest the prototype drop on a Wednesday.

I have no idea what they're talking about, but somehow feel the urge to go to White Castle for burgers, fries and a half dozen cherry cokes.

cyclotourist said...

@BGW: A million spiders spinning.

evan said...

Check the bike section on Denver Craigslist, 2 electric assists on there. I had just gotten done reading your post too. Funny, that...

bikesgonewild said...

...koff, koff...sheesh, leroy, koff, koff, white castle, huh ???...been quite a wednesday (again)..."uh, ya...gimme a sack a' ten, three fries, cheese sticks n' half a dozen cherry kid, that's for me...think my friend bgw here's prob'ly gonna wanna order too..."...

...& while"big bambu" might be an intelligent "can't miss" name for the line, my gut response is to simply call the fix gear model "bong !!!"...

...cyclotourist...i love living in this cool ol' 1920's house i'm in but it pretty much means every day is a spiderweb harvest day...

PedalPAPA said...

"..checking out Lance Armstrong's Twitter is something most cyclists do whether they admit it or not--kind of like sniffing their own chamois"

Fucker. That line alone was worth the price of admission.

Rusty Trombone said...

I prefer Obree's approach. Bike shop first. Race second.

Anonymous said...

And no Twitter.

mikeweb said...

bgw, the first 7 letters of your trademark new bike frame name seem highly suggestive. Also reminds me of a NY Post screaming headline about an offensive show at the Brooklyn Academy of Music...

Nico said...

" all-round bike inspired by the exploding urban “fixie” trend "

Man, that is worrying. These Exploding Urban Fixies are bad news. Unless you could harness the powah to create nuclear energy or something.

yogisurf said...

I'm a day behind. Coffee chocking line: mountain bike riders will look like cartoon characters getting flattened between two rollers, or like they're drowning in a giant knobby cleavage.

OK, time to eat a pez, wearing my fez, sez me.

Anonymous said...

hey late post. (I had to 'work' on weednesday). I missed a post on crabonfibre and cross? dammit. let me just say, once again, how many times I have seen broken crabon seatmasted-up-the-pooer SITuations caused by the crabonification of bikes.

Anonymous said...
What's next? Crabon messenger bags?

db said...

What's next? Crabon messenger bags?

leroy said...

And you may say to yourself,,,, That is not my dog.

Thank God.

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I just wanted to share this little gem with you.

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