Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Morning After: Surveying the Damage

Astute readers may recall that back in March I mentioned an operation called Republic Bike, which allows you to order a cheap singlespeed (or fixed-gear, depending on whether the flip-flop hub is flipped or flopped) complete with customizable "colo(u)rway" and high-tensile steel frame. Well, as you've probably read elsewhere by now (on fixed-gear freestyle impresario and beard enthusiast Prolly's blog, for example), Republic has "collabiated" with urban outfitter Urban Outfitters, which means you can now order a bicycle from the same people who will sell you such ironic essentials as a "Five Crown Afro Headphones Tee:"

(Urban Outfitters to Hipsters: "All You Miss Muffets Eat Our Curds and Colorwhey.")

While some are groaning, I couldn't be more pleased. (Though I suppose some of those groans may be groans of pleasure.) In a sense, the fixed-gear trend has sort of been like a drinking binge. First, everybody was going with it and having a great time. Pistas flew of the shelves. Alleycats reproduced like, well, alleycats. Cubicle-dwellers wasted hours "foffing off" to bike porn. And, worst of all, pompous, bombastic blogs were born.

But you can only drink so much before you either run out of money or you just can't walk anymore. It was in March when the world watched in amazement and terror as the fixed-gear scene announced it was closing itself to new members. This was an event as culturally significant as the building of the Great Wall of China, or the erection of the Berlin Wall, or George H.W. Bush's erection when the Berlin Wall finally fell.

Of course, once the drinking stops, the hangover sets in. At first, your instinct is to fight the hangover, and to try to get out of bed, and to quell the nausea with water and aspirin and greasy breakfast and dubious remedies. Similarly, many in the fixed-gear scene tried to pretend that the trend hadn't gone beyond their control, and that they hadn't overdone it, and that they still owned it, and that it was still cool and original and underground. But sometimes you've got to surrender, and let your body do what it wants and needs to do, which is to disgorge all the toxins and residual mixers and ill-considered street food (or Aerospokes, and Oury grips, and limited-edition anodized components) in a spectacular cacophony of retching and vomiting. Yes, it's unpleasant, and yes it hurts, but ultimately it's the best thing for you.

To me, this is what the Urban Outfitters fixie-as-accessory represents--it's a collective, cathartic round of vomiting after the "epic" night out that is the fixed-gear trend. Don't fight it, all you "OGs" who have been riding fixed-gears since waaay back in 2005. Don't fight it, all you fixed-gear freestylers. Don't fight it, messengers. Just let it out. If I could, I'd pat your back and stroke your hair and tell you it will all be OK. Because once we cyclists get through this Urban Outfitters thing hopefully we'll all feel purged, and maybe the intoxicated delusions of self-importance will be no more. You can certainly continue to enjoy something after it's received the Urban Outfitters treatment, though you can no longer tell yourself that the fact that you enjoy it makes you special.

In any case, if you still can't throw up, just scroll back up and look at the bike again. I think the model's called the Aristotle, but they should have named it the Ipecac. And if you're still leery about the fact that Urban Outfitters is now selling crappy bikes online, just consider the Nash Executioner from the '80s:


Skating survived that, and cycling will survive this.

Still, like any drinking binge, once you've gotten through the hangover you've got to survey the damage. The fixed-gear bender has left a trail of destruction in its wake. For example, the bike lanes are riddled with skid marks like a drunk's underpants are, well, riddled with skid marks:


People are "palping" front wheels that cost more than the rest of their bikes (which is like waking up and realizing you tipped the bartender $100 for a single can of PBR in a fit of drunken magnanimity):



Designer messenger bags worn high on the back have become the new Primal Jersey:



And people have become so out of touch with their emotions that they must use their rims to say what they themselves cannot:



But the true hallmark of the drinking binge is saying "never again" and then repeating the same behavior the next weekend. Similarly, fixed-gear absurdity will no doubt continue for some time to come. While the Urban Outfitter bike may be sobering in the short-term, I don't see any fixters headed to their local AA meeting any time soon. Firstly, it's still way too easy to feel good about yourself for not having things you probably don't have the money for anyway:


Secondly, the world of sneakers is still not done with either fixed-gears or "collabia," as you can see from this press release I recently received:





The FEIYUE fixed gear – a new collaboration by the Sino-French sneaker brand

This year, Feiyue launched in the UK with its collection of cool coloured plimsolls and sneakers; the brand’s heritage is all about an East-West fusion. Born in China in the 1920s the brand was bought and revived by a French team in 2006. Feiyue takes its inspiration from urban culture, nostalgic vintage classics and the travels of its owners, a bunch of sneaker freakers and bike addicts.

Feiyue has just announced its latest collaboration, this time with London based designer Carl Wellman; they have teamed up to create a limited edition Feiyue fixed gear bike. The brand is constantly evolving as the founding team is constantly on the look for new challenges, collaborations and inspirations. The Feiyue team members is passionate about the world urban cultures in general and by the cycling culture in particular and the idea of designing a bike came up naturally: the Feiyue bike embraces the philosophy of going off-road and experiment when the team feels that it can add to the brand. The bike has a single rear cog, no coasting or brakes and has been designed in line with the Feiyue aesthetic – simple and minimalist.

Currently not for sale, the Feiyue bike is the mascot of the brand and will be showcased at the various trade shows attended by the brand.


Yes, this yawn-inducing Feiyue x Who Cares? "collabo" fixie definitely "embraces the philosophy of going off-road." I'd sure love to "slay" some singletrack on that baby. Too bad it's not disc-brake compatible. It's just begging for a pair of meh-chanicals.

The very least Feiyue could have done was make the bike original and practical. For example, they could have installed some couplers so you could pack it in a suitcase. And speaking of suitcases, in yesterday's Tour de France stage a certain Thomas Voeckler opened up his own "Suitcase of Courage" and brushed his teeth with the Travel Toothbrush of Victory:


As you can see, Voeckler owes a debt of gratitude to his leadout train, the Satchel of Moxie and the Valise of Perspicacity. (The latter is clearly elated by his teammate's win.)

I'm sure there was much beat-boxing in the BBox team hotel last night:



Meanwhile, Lance Armstrong received yet another celebrity visitor today. This time, it was Jimmy Buffett:

Yes, that's Jimmy Buffett, from the song about all the margaritas:



At this early point in the Tour, it's anybody's guess who will arrive in Paris at the top of the General Classification. It could be Lance Armstrong. It could be Alberto Contador. Or it could be Cadel Evans. But regardless of what happens, with Buffett's visit Armstrong has already built an unassailable lead in the competition for the coveted Maillot Célébrité:

This jersey (which features a picture of the hosts of "The View") goes to the Tour rider who receives the most celebrity visits, and it's unlikely anybody will even get close to Armstrong here. However, should Armstrong find himself in the Maillot Jaune, the Maillot Célébrité will be worn by the rider who is second in that competion--and that is currently George Hincapie, thanks to the handful of points he gained when Ben Stiller came in his bus.

I wonder if Buffett will do the same.

141 comments:

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Anonymous said...

podium!

Anquetil's Mother said...

hmmm top ten by accident

rezado said...

Left on the side of the road bleeding

wishiwasmerckx said...

Another top ten.

Anonymous said...

Nash! hahaah
Perfect comparison!

theshepherdsdog said...

top ten? you all are fast!

pdxsteve said...

top ten!?

Astroluc said...

booyaa!!

grog said...

I miss you biatch.

Anonymous said...

12? I read the whole thing too, including clicking on links! You guys are woosies!

Astroluc said...

that being said... this is the most compelling post I have read in a while; though it has been slowly happening, the official stamp of "your sub-culture has now been homogenized, repackaged, and sold back to you by the very corporations you (think/thought) were rebelling against" is certainly that Urban Outfitters is selling bikes.

Now, hipster fashion has been around for ages, I know... but this sub-sub culture of fixters has now been assimilated.

Enjoy your reaming by big-business you Dedicated Followers of Fashion

;)

Anonymous said...

Hurts my brain.

hillbilly said...

anyone surprised boonen tripped over a white line today?

Anonymous said...

The bike paths are also full of gum!

Astroluc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fritz said...

There is also Bikes Direct...fixie to your door for under $350

I'm waiting for the buy one get one free deal

mikeweb said...

Vive Le Voeckler!

Krum said...

The person who's sticker says one last car does not like woman very much. I sense anger issues. Could lead to road rage.

Then, maybe one less pedestrian.

Strayhorn said...

Jimmy Buffett? Gah. But I guess he's appropriate to a column about posers trying to make money off someone else's culture.

Speaking of money, did anyone else get a letter from Nashbar yesterday saying "Oops, we lost you financial data to a hacker. To apologize, we're offering you a one-time 30% discount on your next order."

Thanks, assholes. Now I know why there was an airline ticket charged to my card last month and I had to go through the whole process of canceling my accounts and setting up new ones.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Thanks a lot, Snobbie. Inspired by the Feiyue collabo description, I told my friend that the hansome African-American fellow across the way looked like a "cool coulered plimsoll." Well, he overheard me, and I must say that a very awkward confrontation ensued.

Oliver said...

School seems to be another day. All this children trying to win some sort of race to post first. They should be using this energy in summer camp and potato sack races.

Or summer school. They don't seem to smart.

RB1 said...

best way to deal with a hangover is to go for a ride.

Anonymous said...

Next up for winter: Tweed and steampunk offerings from Urbanal Outfitters. kiddos will clamor

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

Jimmy Buffet in the team car? Ben Stiller the other night sounding like a dumb high school kid on Versus. Who will be stopping by this weekend Paul McCartney? Of course nobody stands up to Lance and tells him we would rather not have these clowns in the team car watching us suffer!

Anonymous said...


Currently not for sale, the Feiyue bike is the mascot of the brand and will be showcased at the various trade shows attended by the brand.


So a sneaker brand has a bike for a mascot? Do they actually believe this bullshit?

Surly Bastard said...

That Urban Outfitter bike, in the right colorwhey, is gonna look real sweet on the sisal mat next to the paper lamp I bought there.

And yes Hillbilly, the irony of Boonen slipping and falling on the white was pretty weird.

Other Side of the GW said...

I think if all those idiots from The View would go and sit with Lance for 5 minutes, he would never again have anyone in his car or bus. That would solve everything.

rightsaid kev said...

Voeckler forgot to "synchronize his watch"

frilly said...

Strayhorn, are you serious? When did they get hacked?

Just wondering cuz last month somebody got a hold of my cc #. When the bank called, my first thought was fucking Nashbar cuz that was the only place I had shopped on the net in ages. But then I just brushed it off as coincidence.

That's a bitch cuz I just ordered again from them a couple of weeks ago.

ant1 said...

I got a sorry email from nashbar, but it was only for free shipping. They must not like me as much.

ant1 said...

I guess my info wasn't stolen, they were just apologizing for their previous email. I wonder what I'll get as an apology for the current email.

K Strayhorn said...

frilly -

They got hacked sometime at the end of 2008 and didn't discover it until about a month ago.

That's a pisser because the only thing I ordered from them was a set of Campy brakes they had on sale at the end of the year. Usually I just throw their mailers in the trash.

Wonder if I can get a retro-active 30% refund on those brakes?

hillbilly said...

Pistas flying off shelves sounds dangerous.

hillbilly said...

ant1 - we're just sorry, love nashbar

frilly said...

Sounds about right. The guy from the bank said that a lot of times when people get a hold of card numbers, they don't try to use them right away.

Todd said...

I had a hot pink Nash Executioner and that thing was bad ass. If I remember correctly I think my mom bought it for me at Shopko.

Oliver said...

Frilly you used the word "cuz".

What does it mean?

Disgruntl Ed. said...

All that hype for a bike that you can't get? Is this what passes for flying forward in these post-proletarian times?

Pass the asprin (sic).

Anonymous said...

My cousin's Executioner got hit by a car and wedged the front tire like a door stop. The car kept going for another 50 feet before stopping. The wheels of the skateboard were completely flat-spotted but we were in awe that the board didn't snap in half. That said, it was a big heavy piece of crap, just like the Mundane Outfitters bike.

Todays post was simply brilliant!

Rantwick said...

I'm going to invent a meh-chanical pomposity and bombast meh-chine, because my perpicacity is so great.

To start, I will need a small piece of the snob's brain...

Anquetil's Mother said...

Todd, I also had a Nash i loved that had some hot pink on it.

But back then you just rode a nash cause thats all your parents could afford, not so much as a style choice.

ahh, snobbatical, i have so much to catch up on.

Rantwick said...

*perspicacity! - good, spelling, bad.

sufferist said...

From the Feiyue collabo copy:
The Feiyue team members is passionate about the world urban cultures in general...

Passionate about bike, the English language, eh...not so much...

Rantwick said...

Hey, I suffered credit card fraud about a month ago and had to do the affa davit cancel/replace card thing... I should check my home email! Maybe Nashbar has sent me a BIG PRESENT!

Isolation Helmet said...

I'm holding out for the American Apparel fixie in a variety of colourways which should be made in an American sweat shop near you.

I just went to their site to make sure they weren't already selling this wonderful product!

Terwilliger Mephistopheles said...

Team Astana

What the Hell is Astana anyway?

ant1 said...

anon 1:50 - did you mean brilliant1st!?

ant1 said...

Oliver - cuz is short for cousin.

Luck E. Seven said...

HOLD HAIR

COLO RWAY

PRRT HEAD

NASH FUCT



A

wishiwasmerckx said...

"Cuz" is synonymous with "thusly," at least according to the urban dictionary.

Anonymous said...

Mount up one of those steering rods to turn the Nash Eliminator into a scooter and take it down "Bef avenue" you'll surely be the douche de resistance.
B

Anonymous said...

i thought he was drafting his enormous dong.

ringcycles said...

Good of Boonen honoring the brown jersey today by skidding out with 6km to go. Just far enough out to cost time for everyone caught behind his stumble.

BTW, Always use a low limit card whenever using any online site. I plan on taking advantage of Nashbars guilt geld. All You Nashbar Haters, Clip My Coupons.

red neckerson said...

if tom boonen had an owl drive would anyone here give a hoot


im rackin my brains for tomorows if/then shit


i say good for them but anyone who rides serious singletrack on a rigid fixie is a dumass

frilly said...

Oliver, cuz -- cuz I'm too lazy to actually type because.

I used to have a cat named Oliver that I just loved. I think the neighbors catnapped him when they moved.

Sheesh, sounding a little paranoid today. Must be channeling Alberto.

Renders Fenders Moot said...

I used to rub a peacock in the PRC. Big farmer bike, coaster brake, sidewalls sewn up with thread. I smote every ass on the road.

Who needs delusions of self-importance when you got it for real?

d. fofonov said...

In my last Tour de France I am visiting by Rip Torn who is sitting in team car which is a Chevy Camarro. The rest as they are saying is history.

Test Tickle said...

Damn, Nash Executioner and the Fat Boys. Nostalgic beauties. Fat Boys .... booooinnng.

belmont sledgehammer said...

Gosh, that Nash was funny. Brought back some memories for sure, though back in the day I was slaying a (I believe it was called -- really racking my brain here) "Valterra". Thing was badass, yo.

belmont sledgehammer said...

I could totally do 180's on that thing too. Gosh, it was badass!

belmont sledgehammer said...

In fact, I may even be inspired to write an inspirational memoir about my 180 doing days on the ol' Valterra -- it'll be called "It's Not About the Skateboard."

g said...

Damn, so that's who stole my credit card info, email address and had all that shit sent to my house. I swear, if my LBS had anything in stock half the time, I wouldn't have to worry about this.

kale said...

I heard urban outfitters was working on a sisal rug with customizable cycling blog for their fall line.

You better get the book out the door if you want to maintain your OG status since you've been blogging for like 2 years and shit, yo!

Christopher said...

the least Republic could have done was to get their philosophers straight.

CommieCanuck said...

Hey Jimmy, when you're in France, how to you pronounce your name?

"Jimmy"

They are crawling from the woodwork to the TDF, now that the funeral for that singer is over with.

Today on Vershus, I think I saw Bubbles the chimp in the Astana Team bus, throwing feces at Contador.

Anonymous said...

Knock it off with the spoilers brahs, I've had to give up reading the comments so I can enjoy watching it later with some performance debilitating herbs.

oh-no said...

#69 just came to the comment bus...

Anonymous said...

Anon 3:18-

It is an American oddity that we have to censor those around us in order not to "spoil" the outcome of each stage. Like telling someone the ending of a movie they are about to go see. The rest of the world gets their TdF like we get the rest of our sports - live.

BTW:

The kid sees dead people and Bruce Willis is really dead.

Anthony Hopkins gets off for attempted murder but then when he pulls the plug on his wife on life support, they convict him of murder.

Old Yeller dies.

Chris Cooper is a latent homosexual and shoots Kevin Spacey in the back of the head after making a pass at him. (Spacey never bangs the hot teen either.)

Finally: Lance Armstrong comes out of retirement to win one last Tour de France and then after the race announces to the world that he has inoperable brain cancer and only has 3 weeks to live. The French build statues of him in every town square. Jimmy Buffett dedicates his final album to him and Ben Stiller comes on something.

hillbilly said...

anon 3:18: McConaughey?

CommieCanuck said...

***SPOILER ALERT***

Snob's next post will contain a quiz, some bitterness and misuse of the Queen's English. Possibly some Yiddish.

CommieCanuck said...

ok, something is definitely up.

I have not seen any recent pics of Bubbles the chimp or Robin Williams.

Strayhorn said...

Possibly some Yiddish.

Hus du gezen in deine leiben?

jolene said...

i wooden let that stilelr fella come on my bust but hey i aint no french trollop i lerent that word jes yerserday when that old fuck tolt me i owed him

Anonymous said...

Stop the Cadel hating!

If he knew who you were he'd "cut your head off"

Anonymous said...

Cadel = Poulidor with excuses...

rezado said...

Old yeller is dead?

Fred said...

So Australia is the France of the Southern Hemisphere? They do have the annoying accent and hot women. And GC wins.

bikesgonewild said...

...i always enjoy a good buffet...

Anonymous said...

Nice to see you firing on all 8 cylinders again BS.

Anonymous said...

Commie, I have never seen a picture of Robin Williams and Bubbles the Chimp together - think about it...Williams is awefully hairy...

Anonymous said...

Nish far ekh gedakht.

g said...

The only Jewish I know is:
"That Bernie Madoff is a lying, cheating bastard. May he rot in hell, God willing."
Not sure of the pronunciation.

Tyson Haverkort said...

The real tragedy is that, like the nash, this crappy bike will one day become ironic and 'kewl'

Anonymous said...

Perhaps the high bag wearer should buy a much larger bag, and wear it much lower. His enormous love handles are offensive, and indicate johnny-come-lately.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and one more thing: the Titanic sinks.

Anonymous said...

What about the 54 year old strumpet that's in the bedroom? Have to deal with that too.. don't we? Read Max Power on the patio first.

Anonymous said...

Hahaaa... saw the interview posted on Trackstar. Sad things is, I could probably beat most commuting cyclists on my dust covered, back of the closet, roller hockey blades.

Anonymous said...

@ rezado

"Old yeller is dead?"

And mad as hell.

Anonymous said...

Still nothing on the new Specialized Globe fixed gear ( http://www.globebikes.com/us/en/globe/GlobeBike.jsp?pid=10ROLL2 )?! I am hoping to see something soon as I feel this tops the Urban Outfitter Death Nil.

sprider said...

Renders Fenders,
Can't you get a life sentence for rubbing a peacock in the PRC? Don't know if it's worth the risk.
Spoiler alert, tomorrow's stage tells all, but not til it's over.

Once known as The Badger said...

Hit by a truck driven by my ex-girlfriend; left by the side of the road bleeding, every bone broken. But I still have the yellow jersey... wait, where is it?

g-rock said...

AYHSMB...thusly.

What? That was yesterday? Never mind.

assistant greenskeeper said...

thanks for the Fatboys!!

Anonymous said...

Frilly, say it isn't so. ToM is in dire financial straits after cash-strapped State government renegs on funding commitment. Can we still come crash on your floor and sort through your dirty laundry hamper whilst you are in the shower?

Anonymous said...

"pompous, bombastic blogs were born."

funny.

-c.team

Anonymous said...

y'all are slipping. no one noticed the republic bike's wheels are laced with the valve stem between the wrong spokes...

Anonymous said...

"y'all are slipping. no one noticed the republic bike's wheels are laced with the valve stem between the wrong spokes..."

Classic.

BS. The Yacht still brings a smile to my face.

ant1 said...

ant101st!

Anonymous said...

A few things from the bike shop.

SOME POINTERS FOR THE PHONE:

- I don't know what size of bike you need. The only thing that I can tell over the phone is that you sound fat. I don't care how tall you are. I don't care how long your inseam is. Don't complain to me that you don't want to come ALL THE WAY down to the bike shop to get fitted for a bike. I have two hundred bikes in my inventory. I will find one that fits you. Whether you come from the north or the south, my shop is downhill. Pretend you're going to smell a fart, ball up, and roll your fat ass down here.

- Don't get high and call me. Write it down, call me later. When I have four phone lines ringing, and a herdlet
of people waiting for help, I can't deal with you sitting there "uuuuhhh"-ing and "uuummm"-ing while your brain tries to put together some cheeto-xbox-fixie conundrum. We didn't get disconnected, I left you on hold to figure your shit out.

-I really do need to see your bike to know what is wrong with it. You've already figured out that when you car makes a noise, the mechanic needs to see it. When your TV goes blank, a technician needs to see it. I can tell you, if there is one thing I've learned from you fucking squirrels, it's that "doesn't shift right" means your bike could need a slight cable adjustment, or you might just need to stop backing into it with the Subaru. Bring it in, I'll let you know for sure.

- No, I don't know how much a good bike costs. For some, spending $500 dollars is a kingly sum. For others, $500 won't buy you one good wheel. You really need to have an idea of what you want, because every one of you raccoons "doesn't want to spend too much".

FOR YOU INVENTIVE TYPES AND DO-IT-YOURSELFERS:

- Just because you think is should exist, doesn't mean that it does. I know that to you, a 14 inch quill stem makes perfect sense, but what makes more sense is buying a bike that fits you, not trying to make your mountain bike that was too small for you to begin with into a comfort bike.

- If some twat on some message board somewhere says that you can use the lockring from your bottom bracket as a lockring for a fixie conversion doesn't mean that A: you can, or B: you should. Please listen to me on this stuff, I really do have your best interests at heart.

- I love that you have the enthusiasm to build yourself a recumbent in the off season. That does not mean however, that I share your enthusiasm; ergo I won't do the "final tweaks" for you. You figure out why that Sram shifter and that Shimano rear derailleur don't work together. While we're at it, you recumbent people scare me a little. Don't bring that lumbering fucking thing anywhere near me.

A DEDICATION TO ALL THE HIPSTER DUCHEBAGS:

-If you shitheads had any money, you wouldn't NEED a vintage Poo-zhow to get laid. Go have an ironic mustache growing contest in front of American Apparel, so that I can continue selling $300 bikes to fatties, which is what keeps the lights on.

- Being made in the 80's may make something cool, but that doesn't automatically make something good. The reason that no one has ridden that "vintage" Murray is because it's shit. It was shit in the 80's, a trend it carried proudly through the 90's, and rallied with into the '00's. What I mean to say is, no, I can't make it work better. It's still shit, even with more air in the tires.

Anonymous said...

More things from the bike shop...

SO YOU'RE GONNA BUY A BIKE:

Good for you! Biking is awesome. It's easy, it's fun, it's good for you. I want you to bike, I really do. To that end, I am here to help you.

-Your co-worker that's "really into biking" knows fuck all. Stop asking for his advice. He could care less about you having the right bike. He wants to validate his bike purchase(s) through you. He also wants to sleep with you, and wear matching bike shorts with you.

- You're not a triathlete. You're not. If you were, you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.

- You're not a racer. If you were, I'd know you already, and you wouldn't be here, and we both know it.

- So you want a bike that you can ride to work, goes really fast, is good for that triathlon you're doing this summer (snicker), is good on trails and mud, and costs less than $300. Yeah. Listen, I want a car that can go 200 miles an hour, tow a boat, has room for five adults, is easy to parallel park but can carry plywood, gets 60mpg, and only costs $3,000. I also want a unicorn to blow me. What are we even talking about here? Oh yeah. Listen, bikes can be fast, light, cheap and comfortable. Pick two, and we're all good.

ABOUT YOUR KIDS:

Your kids are amazing. Sure are. No one else has kids as smart, able, funny or as good looking as you. Nope. Never see THAT around here.

- I have no idea how long you kid will be able to use this bike. As it seems to me, your precious is a little retarded, and can't even use the damn thing now. More likely, your budding genius is going to leave the bike in the driveway where you will Subaru the bike to death LONG before the nose picker outgrows the bike.

Anonymous said...

Nor are they presta.

mikeweb said...

Excellent bike shop manifesto.

frilly said...

anon 1:50--I know, right? Those nimrods in Jeff City are freakin' short-sighted. They only cut 1.3m which they would get back ten-fold at least and probably tons more if LA races.

And about the laundry, only if you promise to throw a load in when you're done sorting.

Kyle French said...

I'm no fixie fan, but I had to go to the UO website and play with the color choices. Who the f%*k puts a white chain on a bike?

CommieCanuck said...

To the verbose anonymous...

Thanks for explaining why my LBS owner is such a douche. Hi, I'm a bike retailer, I expect to sell slave labor shorts for $120, and hate you. Support your LBS. Its a BICYCLE, not rocket science or brain surgery, any idiot can man a shop, your job is to deal with people.

Honestly, bike industry retailers need to congratulate themselves for convincing people that wheels with no proven advantage are worth $3,000, and Swiss lycra bib shorts are worth $220.

"Being made in the 80's may make something cool, but that doesn't automatically make something good."

I find my acid wash jeans comfortable and durable, and my day-glo shoulder pads are as perky as ever, however, my 'flock of Seagulls' haircut didn't quite work out with my male pattern baldness.

I find most women made in the 80s to be quite attractive.

CommieCanuck said...

So you can trim my pink handlebars.

Anonymous said...

Damn it I rode a nash executioner when i was a kid and i ride a fixed gear now.I guess that means I've been a posser my entire life :(

kale said...

What a beautiful day - time to go wait in line at Urban Outfitters for my new whip, then it's off to the Park for some schuffing.

Anonymous said...

with all his alliterative puns, RTMS must really be Craig Hummer!

loganearthski said...

The Bikesnob has opened his messenger bag of ironic detachment.

Anonymous said...

I bought a pair of feiyue shoes in china a few years ago. I thought they were kind of a homegrown/knockoff of the chuck taylor. Except kung-fu kids wore them. They cost me about $3. Apparently these "improved" versions cost 50 euros (about $237 (check my math)). Missed a business opportunity there. If only I were a French sneaker freak...

Anonymous said...

Sales of genetic material from Ben Stiller could fund cancer research.

Was Ben foffing off in the bus?

We need details, BSNYC!

Anonymous said...

anon 11:53

Do you mean "a tosser my entire life" or "a poseur my entire life"?

As for me, I had a fiberglass deck which my brother sent into the street to be crushed under the wheels of a passing automobile while I was out doing something else, and he didn't fess up to the responsibility for cracking the deck (I never used it much after that one day).

I've pretty much been a losser my entire life.

Anonymous said...

One car FEWER, catamite.

mr.complaint said...

All I can say is Monkey Wards.

http://tinyurl.com/m3or9s

memories of better days said...

that nash destroyer was the first skateboard i ever had, way back in liek 83 or 4 or something haha. it didnt stop me from skating, in fact i thought it was awesome even though i spent most of the time sitting down. then again i was a dumbass 6 year old but im just saying.. it got me started..and i didnt know it sucked. thanks for that image, its awesome.

memories of better days said...

i meant sitting down and riding down hills ahah, you know what i mean. it wasnt til a ew year later i started riding better boards and then a few years later was heelflipping down flights of stairs and grinding handrails. now i just ride bmx, last time i skated i fell in a concrete bowl and my back felt like shit for a month.

The Greek said...

So glad fixie has now rung it's death knell but as a Greek I'm disgusted they named that piece of crap the Aristotle

Wings Of Grey said...

I'm glad I found this blog/post.
I seriously had to battle the urge to vomit when I had to photograph the advertisement for the Bike in question.

http://wingsofgrey.blogspot.com/2009/06/republic.html

Jay said...

A Feiyue bike? No! My favorite $10 martial arts shoes that doubled as house shoes are now affiliated with fixie "culture"?

Anonymous said...

Hi Cats,

I was thinking of buying a "fixie" to ride to the coffee shops here in Orlando. Since you dont seem to like the Urban Outfitters Bike. (they should just stick to dope clothing) is there any ten speed that would be better?

Ps. I used to have a Nash as a kid. After all of the kiddies in my hood had skateboards I begged my mom for one and she brought me home that nash. Good times.

Anonymous said...

There's been lots of whining about the "fixies" culture, and I get that, or at least I try to sympathize, but can we discuss the quality of the product? I get that it's not great, that's what I've been reading, but is that to say you can do much better for the $400 price range? I've had a fast, comfortable piece of shit bike for $60, it got me from A to B, sometimes you work with what you've got. But, I've been looking at building a bike for btw $600-1200, and one that I'll have for years.

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