Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Cultural Accessorizing: Are Banjos the New Bicycle?

"I wish I was an artist, cause I would replace that sun with the crotchal light from Friday. That would be just awesome."
--Anonymous, August 24th, 2009, 5:07pm

(Image by Erik K)


I've long been skeptical about the idea of a"bike culture." As I've said before, the standards for what qualifies as "culture" are currently at an all-time low. Whereas once "culture" meant "the integrated pattern of human knowledge, belief, and behavior that depends upon the capacity for learning and transmitting knowledge to succeeding generations," it now just means something for which you can purchase accessories. However, I'm beginning to rethink my aversion to the term "bike culture," because a reader has sent me a music video which indicates that we are indeed living in a golden age of bicycle-themed art:



The reader who sent me this video proclaimed it "the best bike song EVER," and this is not faint praise coming from somebody who is apparently involved in a "feminist slut rock" band and is also a writer and performer of "melancholy ukulele songs." (The ukulele can be quite lugubrious and is not just for large, jovial men in grass skirts.) In any case, if it's not the best bike song ever then it's certainly close, for with "Fuss Vom Gas" Skero and Kamp have succeeded in creating something truly magical. Well, at least I think they have. The truth is I can't understand what they're saying. However, I did run the title of the song through an online translator, which yielded the following result:

Obviously online translators are generally as clunky as poorly adjusted headsets, so I'm just going to go ahead and assume that "Foot of the Gas" really should be "The Gas Foot," and that "Fuss Vom Gas" is an homage to "The Gas Face" by 3rd Bass:

The high top fade etching was the knuckle tattoo of the late 1980s.

Anyway, here's either Skero or Kamp being flanked by two ladies wearing garters and riding lowrider bicycles:


Here's either Skero or Kamp riding a fixed-gear through what is clearly a very dangerous Viennese neighborhood:


And here's some guy on some kind of hinged freak bike:


Again, I'm not sure if there's a "bike culture," but there's definitely an American popular culture, and this is what it looks like when it's been smelted by a pair of Austrian rappers and alloyed with irony:


Incidentally, Skero's real name is Martin Skerwald, which is just one of the many facts I learned from his Wikipedia entry (run though the same online translator):

Skero (* 1972 in Mödling, also Skero One, actually Martin Skerwald) is a Austrian Hip Hop musician and Street kind artist. Since 1989 it argues with Graffiti and organizes themselves since then several exhibitions. Admits became it as a member of the Linzer Hip Hop group of Texta, which were formed 1993. 2009 brought Skero out its first solo studio album memoirs of a giant, who among other things guest contributions of the rappers Kamp and Whizz Vienna contain and were in Germany to appear. With the radio single artist it created it at place 1 the FM4 Charts. [1] Skeros music is called mixture from Hip Hop, Reggae and Viennese song. [2]

And Kamp's real name is actually Florian Kampelmühler, which amazingly is Prime Minister Pete Nice's real name too. Even though he's ten years younger than Skero, he seems to be the more accomplished of the two, and his Wikipedia entry is far more dramatic:

Kamp (* March 1982 actually Florian Kampelmühler) is a Austrian Hip Hop musician, who is active since end of the 1990er-Jahre. Table of contents [Hide] * 1 life * 2 Diskografie * 3 Web on the left of * 4 single checks Life [work on] Already at the age of 16 years it appeared as MC, on which it was invited into the FM4-Hip-Hop-Sendung Tribe Vibes. it gave a successful concert to 1999 in Vienna after Eminem, which led to the fact that the Dortmunder Independent label Deck8 (among other things Waxolutionists, totally chaos) under contract took him. However this bankruptcy had to announce, with which the partnership ended. With staircase 44 from then on its publications appeared. At the beginning of of 2007 was nominated Kamp for the Amadeus as Best alternative act. [1] 2009 it published the album failure without future, which by the German Hip Hop magazine Juice was gekürt to the album of the month March 2009 with Whizz. [2] Besides he was nominated 2009 altogether two times for the Amadeus Austrian Music Award.

Indeed, two Amadeus nominations is nothing to sneeze at--or to laugh wildly at like Tom Hulce in the movie "Amadeus."

But while Skero and Kamp pay homage to American culture, the truth is that their Vienna is in stark contrast to Brooklyn, where the feet are much gassier and the choppers are considerably funkier:


Also, the hipsters don't ride around on shiny lowriders while rapping. Instead, they pluck dolefully on banjos:

Between all the melancholy ukuleles and doleful banjos in New York City you'd think somebody would have composed a song about the Big Skanky by now.

Still, while walking around Brooklyn with a banjo might seem more gritty and authentic than rapping on a lowrider, the truth is that such behavior is equally affected and contrived. It's simply a part of the hipster/hillbilly phenomenon. In fact, you can probably expect folk instruments to become the hot new fashion accessory. Really, nothing says "authenticity" like bellying up to a Brooklyn bar and withdrawing a Jew's harp from the pocket of your fashionably distressed jeans. However, it will probably be a little while before the trend becomes so pervasive that you can purchase a washboard or a musical saw at Urban Outfitters. In the meantime, the distinction of accessory du jour still belongs to the bicycle:

The above is yet another Republic/Urban Outfitters bike, and I've been simultaneously amazed and disturbed by how pervasive they've become. While I'm certainly pleased that people seem to be riding bicycles, there's just something insidious about the way that the site's "choose your own colorway" feature has resulted in legions of bicycles that are superficially different yet fundamentally identical. It's the same feeling I get when I see groups of men in identical suits whose only means of expressing themselves is tie color. However, unlike the men in suits whose jobs often mandate specific clothing, Republic/Urban Outfitters bike owners are at liberty to choose from among a wide variety of bicycles--they just don't. Instead, they focus on important things like color choice. Perhaps when folk instruments supplant bicycles we'll instead see bars full of identically-dressed people differentiated only by which instrument they're not playing.

By the way, I'm not sure who the owner of the Republic/Urban Outfitters bike was, but I'm thinking it could be this guy:

Not only is he regarding me with uninhibited nonplussitude, but his shirt also matches the bike and his accomplice's feet are extended towards it in a proprietary fashion.

But even though I find the spread of Republic/Urban Outfitters bikes disturbing, I also recognize that it represents a simple way for the uninitiated to purchase a bicycle. Hopefully at least some of these uninitiated people will in turn become initiated cyclists, and we'll no longer have to read articles like this one, forwarded by a reader:

While I agree that more and better bike parking would be nice, I'd argue that general cluelessness is also an important factor. If more people would ride in the first place instead of waiting around for things like parking then perhaps our "culture" would grow more accepting of cycling as a viable means of transportation and the amenities would follow. Then again, it's difficult for the "culture" to do so when people on bikes keep running into members of the "culture" and riding away:


Man who hit me on bike 8/11 (SoHo)
Date: 2009-08-24, 2:20PM EDT
Reply To This Post

Hi there,

on 8/11 I was hit by a cyclist while crossing Broadway and Houston around 7 pm. I am female and in my mid 20s.
I am looking for the man or for any eye witnesses who were there. Any help would be appreciated and please only reply if you were present at the time or know anything regarding the accident.


As troubled as I was to read this, I'm confident that the police will nab the perpetrator. In fact, they've even formed a road block in the Sands Street bike lane:

Either that, or they're just hanging out.

Speaking of hanging out, I'm pleased to announce that my partner in bromance, Stevil Kinevil (formerly of How To Avoid the Bummer Life) now has a new Webular home called "All Hail the Black Market:"

Not only will Stevil continue to bring you the sorts of hijinx you've come to expect, but he's also branched out into the world of online banking, so in addition to reveling in cycling irreverence you'll also be able to open a free checking account.

So stop by and be sure to give him "The Gas Foot."

155 comments:

Pontius Pilate said...

Ye have brought this man unto me, as one that perverteth the people; and behold, I, having examined him before you, have found no fault in this man touching those things whereof ye accuse him.

HAIL CZER

-P.P.

ken e. said...

yes

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

hell yeah, mother fuckers

Disgruntl Ed. said...

I did not read one thing.

crispy said...

podium?

Doug said...

GREAT!

Anonymous said...

Basso!

Still training...

Anonymous said...

hi y'all

Anonymous said...

podium?? No-dium.

BadBeard said...

Bazooka1st!

BadBeard said...

Go Ant1!

bikesgonewild said...

...WTF !!!...

...didn't mean to drive the team car amongst the finish group...

...i was misdirected by the gendarme back there...

grog said...

Yes. That would be just awesome."

Anonymous said...

yesyesyesyesyes

Anonymous said...

I think the more likely translation of "Fuss vom Gas" is "Foot off the gas."

rightsaid kev said...

Nothing says summer like getting bum piss all over your bare feet. Put your fucking shoes back on!

rezado said...

My crazy face tattoo is an egg.

Anonymous said...

Cycling Videos??

Billy Childish FTW!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOo7DepCd9w

hillbilly said...

why to go, ant1, and a sweep of the podium for non-anons!!!

just wait til people start walking around with theremins.....

curmudgeon said...

Thanks, couldn't agree more about the culture comment! There's that bklynbybike woman who is all over these sites who claims she is bringing us brooklyn bike culture. That claim drives me crazy.

Disgruntl Ed. said...

Last time I saw one of those hinged bikes it was being ridden by Donny Osmond. Donny slalomed down a line of pylons, steering one way with his hands and the other with his ass.

Marie watched and smiled, as I recall.

carlos said...

HIPSTER-BILLY!

fixed banjo said...

So - the b in bromance is for banjo?

melnetwf said...

Folk instruments... YES. Just yesterday I walked by the local hipster coffeehouse, and a fellow was sitting at the outdoor table with his latte wistfully plucking on his ukelele...

BeatnikBeat58 said...

Anon 2:25...thanks for the link to the Billy Childish vid. GREAT!!!

bikesgonewild said...

...video = props, cool...w/ nice bikes...

...german language = ugly fucking thing to listen to...

kale said...

The cops are just showing that they can play the critical mass game.

They're just denser to begin with.

ken e. said...

hillybilly,
what part of "since yesterday" are you not getting?

WACK BLGR
RIDE MORE

podium!!!

Brian said...

I always had the feeling Yoda might be Austrian.

CommieCanuck said...

Florian Kampelmühler is the son of Falco, that famous Austrian artist who's hits included "Der Kommissar" and ..uh..um...

"Hey man, wanna buy some stuff, man?
Did you ever rap that thing Jack?
So rap it to the beat!"


Austrians are so cool.

CommieCanuck said...

* the preceding fact about Falco having a son was a "Fox News fact", or, I made it up.

Velosopher said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Velosopher said...

Only $1150 for a real Dutch city bike with a chain guard and "mud flaps"!

http://www.slatev.com/index.html?bcpid=988092926&bctid=35151360001

hillbilly said...

ken e - eh? you're right, I don't get it, since yesterday?

Rolf said...

Fuss vom gas translates to foot off the gas. More specifically, just slowing, down or coasting. You can see that this video is less about bike culture, and just the usual Austrian crap rap song about being a slacker, and having a beer in the streets. The beer in the streets is as rebelious as these vanilla boys get. Vienna is the equivalent of the river STYX, a clean and homogenous city with no Stanky. Just because silly bikes are in the video does not mean it has anything to do about bike culture or anything biking. Unfortunately, much like most bike videos on YOU TUBE. This hardly something somebody from brooklyn needs to emulate. It is the austrian equivalent of MEH.

Brian said...

Why do hipsters have giant heads? Is that the kid from 'Deliverance'?And why do Jews harp on me?

BNJO PLYR

tom said...

Tommy B wins Hillier in a three man sprint!!!

Anonymous said...

Folk instruments can be used for transportation, too

Mad Jack McMad said...

Snob, you can't fool us. Those Austrian guys are just the Australian hippie bikers wearing disguises and missing an "al". Being a bunch of former convicts, they probably snuck into Vienna and stole some bikes, as well as part of the German language.

Waist deep in the Big Skanky.

DIKTATS

Jarrod said...

gold rope chains are the new u-lock.

ken e. said...

hillbilly,
if when i die, there is no digital trace of me except snarky (anon) comments here and a living room full of trashed bikes, that would be fine.

when someone wants to pay hard cash to read about my binge-drinking, then i'll blog about it.

until then,

DEAD WTHR

hillbilly said...

ken e - I have no idea what you're talking about.

Anonymous said...

Oh my God! Snobby is SOOOO on top of things! A couple of weeks ago I saw a guy in the Portland airport with a uke! Had it out and was non-musically plucking on it and everything. Not only is this a trend but it has already migrated to the West coast! Then again, he did look sort of Hawaiian.

Are folk instruments of old the new PBR?

grog said...

so i bellied up to the bar and reached for my jews harp, but discovered to my horror that i only had a nipple wrench which played well though slightly flat.

Grobbins said...

Now this is raising the bar a bit; seems that bikerumor is reporting that the new 2010 Felt fixies and singlespeeds are available in
"a striking garnet and gold colorway with brown leather touch points."

Touch points? As if a striking colorway was inadequate?

Thanks, Felt. Just when I've acquired what I thought would be a slammin' colorway, now I have to add touch points, as well? JERKS!

Grobbins said...

Oops...totally meant to include the bikerumor link:

http://www.bikerumor.com/2009/08/25/2010-felt-bicycles-singlespeeds-fixies-and-city-bikes/

Anonymous said...

Felt? Touch? I think someone needs to get some...

Suzee said...

clearly (but also fortunately for the good and the cynical amongst us) the guy with the 'fixed forever' tat presented in this blog -back in the day- would view (the object of)his tat as more than a mere cultural accessory... but as usual the snobster has a 'Meady' eye for the nub of the situation. Take last season's darling, the 'Bon Iver' music collabo, where a winter cabin lock-in takes on (is awarded) the significance of a cultural renaissance... and yet I'm sure that the musician excluded any 'frozen forever' tats from his new image, as 'Emma' is, and will always remain 'forever ago'...a bit like the fixed wheel really.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I tried out the touch points on a girl at the bar last night. She threw her drink in my face.

Juan Altitude said...

thank you for: "groups of men in identical suits whose only means of expressing themselves is tie color"

jolene said...

does farting count as a ninstrumant cus red shore can play the rustry trombone real good

southpole said...

i have to agree with rolf that the video is meh. this is how europeans used to rap 20 years ago, and i'm not even convinced it is ironic.

BUT if you really want to learn more about the bottomless abyss austrian pop culture really is, you must look in the "Krochas". they combine everything that was shitty in the last 4 decades into a new abominal style.
www.vokuhila-is.org

(means something like 'i mullet therefore i am' - click on Galerie, NSFW)

Anonymous said...

I don't know snob, I kind of liked it.
Austria: 1
Australia: Nil

kale said...

*No bicycles were harmed in the making of this music video. However, many had their touchpoints inappropriately handled.

red neckerson said...

i plays the swine harp reel good

Low Balls said...

ANTI SEMT

bikesgonewild said...

...unlike "the silence of the lambs", red neckerson, i can hear "the squealing of the piggies" all too well...

...if pam anderson read this blog, she'd be on the phone to peta...

bikesgonewild said...

..."play that "deliverance" music on the banjo, cleetus, ol' red's goin' out ta visit the piggies ag'in !!!"...

Anonymous said...

Holy crap man that turned out really nice, with the crotchal splendor on the surface of the planet and everything!

Anonymous said...

Where's Urchin when you need a NPJLRABS comment?

ringcycles said...

Here I was thinking that "bike culture" is just whatever gives me saddle sores (mostly when I "recycle" my bib shorts from yesterdays shortish ride)or the fuzz that collects in the bottom of a unwashed water bottle. Thanks snobbers for again correcting my misunderstandings.

Reed Enwright said...

What ... the accordian doesn't cut it anymore?

Anonymous said...

That video was about many things, but it was not about "Performance"

Filigree said...

Oh, you are so missing out.
Bicycle and Ukulele

Clay said...

First and probably last time we will hear Bernhard Kohl namechecked in a video.

r. said...

fuck bono.

Anonymous said...

(U)(K)(L)(L) (P)(L)(Y)(R)

(S) ( ) (B)
( )
(M)

Anonymous said...

(A)(S)(C)(I) ( )(A)(R)(T)

can

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Anonymous said...

shout out to Joe Parkin! come on snobby let's get it.

Anonymous said...

Totally nonsequitorishly: I'm in Italy and I've discovered that the cycling rule is: if you use clipless pedals, you must shave your head and/or wear a bandana like Marco Pantani -- Il Pirata lives!

Anonymous said...

Snob,
Always liked this blog, been reading it for a couple years now. Besides riding, I love and play old timey music.
I may have to track you down and gut you like a fish.

bikesgonewild said...

..."Besides riding, I love and play old timey music."...

...hmmm, "old timey"...the implication would be perhaps '70's rock ???...no ???...then '60's folk ???...ixnay ???...ok then, maybe '40's big band or early 1900's ragtime ???...how about madrigals from the 1500's ???...

...sheesh, the suspense is killin' me...

...wait, shit...i missed disco & the blues...bet it's the blues...us white guys love to play the blues...

...anyway, just wonderin'...

ken e. said...

hillbilly,
who's stupid? that's right, me!
misread your first comment, sorry. want to qualify that
as "me being a dumbass".

WYRD ISHU

thomas said...

This video is about riding a bike instead of taking a car. As questionable as the rapping, the style and the attitude is, the message is good. And it has Michael Sommer riding in there which is always good to see and proves that they at least picked some real riders for their project.

Anonymous said...

http://www.slate.com/id/2225698/

it's done

AngryBikeWrench said...

Race report at Angry Bike Wrench.

Anonymous said...

Disgruntl Ed. said...
"Last time I saw one of those hinged bikes it was being ridden by Donny Osmond. Donny slalomed down a line of pylons, steering one way with his hands and the other with his ass.

Marie watched and smiled, as I recall."


Mormons are the new Belgians.

bikramyoganj said...

I love it!

Anonymous said...

Belgians : Mormons :: Merckx : Fatty

I'm just sayin'...

=FLS=

Anonymous said...

Scraper Bikes, anyone?
http://scraperbikes.net/

Anonymous said...

Hey Bike Snob NYC,

regrding fashion and bikes, you might want to have a look at this...
another newyorker seems to be into bike'n'fashion...
http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/

cannow said...

thank you

http://cannow.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

fatal bazooka
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud_-AuBmp6Q

PLUS

bat for lashes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EICkZWEzFGE

EQUALS

that austrian video


that is one ugly baby!

michael said...

check out these mad fixie skills. rewind to beginning .
germans with skills better than any hipster

youtube http://miniurl.org/fry

Carl said...

I found an interesting web page of cultural magazine... look at this, usariseup.com

Jedd said...

hmm. Two entries below your the definition of "culture" you chose for rhetorical effect was one for the (extremely common and widely accepted) other usage of which you're "skeptical": the set of values, conventions, or social practices associated with a particular field, activity, or societal characteristic. So, bike culture: Silly? Definitely. Completely ridiculous? Often. But I think it's pretty clear that one exists and that "culture" is the correct term. I know this post (and this blog) is just for fun and games and the exercise of dry wit, but I know it takes a while to mark up this text in Blogger, get all those screengrabs, and add all those images into the posts. Plus, I hear someone is actually going to publish a book of this stuff. So maybe relying on an antiquated perception of culture as something lofty, of *inherent worth*, and deserving of high standards, rather than a simple word that fairly accurately describes what many people who ride bikes do, stupidly or not, to kick off a post is a mistake. End of mini-rant.

Saint Will said...

The chorus goes something like:

"With my foot off the gas, we're cruising through the street like Ice Cube already [something] this good day."

I suggest that only so someone can correct my poor 2nd-year German.

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Anonymous said...

Take your foot off the gas, we are cruising through the streets / like Ice Cube already said: "a good day" / losers stuck in traffic jam, cars everywhere / we pull ahead, bye bye, why don't you honk you asshole.

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