Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Ambiguity: Mixed Messages and Style Overlap

(Jackalope trophy)


If you're like most cyclists, you probably find yourself checking out other riders' bikes. And sometimes, when a singlespeed bicycle is stationary, it can be difficult to determine from a distance whether it's equipped with a freewheel or a fixed gear. Even a lack of a rear brake (or any brakes) doesn't necessarily mean it's a fixed-gear bicycle, since increasing numbers of people are rubbing the dubious single brake/freewheel setup. (This is a bad idea, because under heavy braking your rear wheel will go up in the air like the hind quarters of a presenting baboon.) But the true "hardcore" fixed-gear cyclist does not want to leave any doubt, and one way to dispel that doubt is with a message like this:



Still, I feel there's room for interpretation here. Is this rim decal a faux-"gangsta" answer to a hypothetical question? ("What kind of bike do you rub?" "Fixie, bitch!") Or is what appears to be a comma actually just a little bit of road schmutz? In that case it would indicate a completely different exchange. ("Excuse me, to whom does this bike belong?" "Fixie Bitch!")



Wondering if there is indeed a cyclist who calls herself (or himself) the "Fixie Bitch," I conducted some research with the help of a popular internet search engine. It turns out there actually is a "Fixie Bitch," and that she is also immortalized on someone's calf. (Note the caption.):



Now, it should be said that I do not approve of calling women "bitches," and I believe strongly that the word should only be used to refer to female jackalopes. (Jackalope bitches lack antlers and look exactly like regular rabbits.) Still, if someone wants to call herself (or himself) the "Fixie Bitch" she (or he) has every right to do so. And if I had to imagine someone who might call herself the "Fixie Bitch," she'd probably be a hard-drinking, fixed-gear-rubbing, septum ring-having lady like this:


This picture is just one of a series that was forwarded me by a reader, and they were all part of this Charleston, SC Craigslist ad:


1984 55' Gitane Tour de France Fixed Gear - $300 (Downtown Charleston, SC)
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2009-03-14, 12:40PM EDT


Tired of walking or bumming rides from your friends? Do you get mad when your beach cruiser can't keep up with your fellow bicyclists? Well, stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it! Buy my bike! This beauty is a 55' 1984 Gitane Tour De France Edition Fixed Gear Conversion! This baby comes equipped with Milwaukee Deep Velocity wheel set with less than a 100 ridden miles of use. I had a brand new Origin8 crank set that I believe has a lifetime warranty. It has new bar tape and a break light. The frame has some surface rust but can be easily cleaned and painted over. I was told I could sell it for $500 if I painted it and replaced the decals but I'll just let YOU do that! If you are the lucky one to buy this eco-friendly hellfire, I'll even throw in a spare tube and seat pouch. Please call me at 843-425-[deleted] if you are interested in acquiring this wonderful item!!!



The bike has no "breaks," but it does have a "break light." In any case, I'm sure you'll agree it's quite a sales pitch--though of course the salacious photos probably should be rendered in sepia and made arousal-proof by including Larry King's face:




By the way, if you're wondering what she's drinking, it appears to be a 40 oz. bottle of Schlitz malt liquor:



Or if you prefer (which I'm sure you don't):



If you would like to see more pictures of the Gitane model and prefer not to visit Craigslist, you can also find them here in this photo album. You can also find pictures of people who are presumably her friends, like this guy:


("Hipster" or "Hillbilly?")


Just as I avoid the term "bitch," I also avoid the term "hillbilly," since I understand some people find it offensive. However, it should be said that urban "hipsters" have adopted many aspects of the stereotypically rural aesthetic, such as bushy beards, old flannel shirts, affinity for cheap beer, and a professed appreciation for country and folk music. In fact, if you visit the trendy parts of Brooklyn now you will find lots of stylized "dive" bars decorated with taxidermy and patronized by young graphic designers dressed like Uncle Jesse. This makes sense, since we're living in the Age of Irony, and people now seem to be flocking to the city only to transform it into some kind of honky-tonk theme park. Still, as a result, it has become almost impossible to tell a "hipster" from a "hillbilly" in photos, and as such I have no idea what to make of the person above. Actually, the only thing "hipsters" and "hillbillies" don't share is guns (the "hipster's" only mode of self-defense is sarcasm), so this photo from the same album was slightly less ambiguous:


I think she may be getting ready for a jackalope hunt.

Speaking of "hipster" fashion, the lock-around-the-waist look is as popular as ever. Actually, a reader informs me that some people are now simply wearing the lock by itself:


Note the addition of sepia, as well as both Larry King and Oprah. That should keep your chain slack.

155 comments:

Anonymous said...

p p p podium!

David Sagat said...

ORLY?

mattoidbunko said...

Schlitz!

Luck E. said...

Sexy Larry.


A

worm irks said...

I will not read this post at work.
Glad I am sprinting not "reading."

Anonymous said...

Sweet

Sun Power Corp said...

Top 10!

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

Anonymous said...

The pics aren't very sexy, but they're even less sexy with Larry King's ugly ass mug added in.

But for maximum unsexiness, I think you should add the hillbilly/hipster.

By the way, top ten?

Anonymous said...

Wow early one today...
WOOT1st

grog said...

Keep them confused.
When do the "seal of disapproval" t-shirts by rodale go on sale?

Anonymous said...

it has hit charleston, sc...........i weep for my city.

hillbilly said...

I'm really worried that now i am going to have some pavlovian reaction and start associating larry king with hot pictures, and, yes, start getting turned on by larry king.

Vanonymous said...

Ow, my collarbone!

Jim said...

I dunno. Drunk hipsterbilly chicks with multiple guns and scant clothing... that's sorta hot even if her elbow skin makes Larry King's face when she straightens her arm. Think those girls go to alley cats in an old F-250 with duallies? If so, count me in.

broomie said...

hillbilly,

Unfotyunately the association works the other way around. Your thoughts will be flooded with Larry King while you're trying to rub contact patches. Resulting, i the 'its not you, its me.." line.

broomie said...

Sorry for the typos, again. I'm one handed typing with a Larry King bobblehead.

clintpatty said...

She looks too small for a 55cm. Is that what 55' means in the post?

Anonymous said...

We call these troubled folks "hicksters," here in Oakland.

Anonymous said...

Nothing makes a statement that your a trendy young idiot like drinking Pabst. Oh I'm sorry PBR.
Even overpriced outdoor clothing retailers like "Cloudveil", try to buy some sort of fake street cred featuring this awful beer in their catalog.

Anonymous said...

I think it's time the Snob explain his fear of the erection. This is ostensibly a NSFW issue -- but why the prudery? Erections and cubicles go together like hotdogs and buns.

bikesgonewild said...

...& here i used to think that pro-cycling w/ it's nefarious & insidious drug use was seedy, disgusting & sordid but at this point even that questionable behavior appears almost virtuous in comparison to what bsnyc/rtms has been exposing us to, on a daily basis...

...as they say..."jeezus wept"...

Granny Panties said...

RTMS,

Reading your blog posts is becoming increasing like trying not to look at at human brain matter on the concrete as a mass casualty incident.

Ow, my frontal lobe hurts.

NatMc said...

snobbers--
gonna have to take issue with your understanding of braking physics: rubbing only a front brake w/ a freewheel isn't unsafe because it can make your rear wheel lift up; rather, it's unsafe because there's no backup should it fail. if you're lifting up that rear wheel, you're braking as fast as physically possible, and no rear brake is gonna help.

Anonymous said...

Hillbilly Hipsters, seems right. Since all hipsters are from po-dunk areas (with suburban/rural guilt)who are really snobby because they think they're cool "city folk" (only living in the big city for a couple of months).

hillbilly said...

i'm still tryin to understand why snob thinks a chain is more comfortable in a bag

BadBeard said...

Itinerant1st!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

kale said...

Anon 12:52-

It's naysayers like you that throw the baby out with the bathwater... all because worthwhile products and services, like low maintenance bikes, cheap union-made beer, Converse, blunts, and now RTMS, get swept up in the tumult we call capitalism.

Shut up, drink your pino grigio, and stop complaining about a perfectly fine beer that I wish was here in my hand instead of this coffee.

Nobody puts PBR in the corner!

Surly Bastard said...

A flippin' symphony of popular culture ... white trash, hipsters, Schiltz, PBR, Opra and Larry King, plus a little sepia tone, all in one.

Now that's America!

I just hope Red and Jolene have a sense of humor about pwhat appears to be some of their "kin-folk" from SC.

Bike Snob Austin IV said...

2009 Hickster fashion is not Irony fashion. It's straight ahead retro-vintage hick-chic, an homage to the original mid 80's Hicksterism.


Los Gringos

JPB said...

hillbilly - I don't think the point was that a chain is more comfortable in a bag; the point was having a large, empty mess bag and wearing a chain (which would easily fit in the empty bag) is a little bit silly.

I do, however, share your concerns about the Larry King/Pavlovian response. That could be difficult to explain.


Why is pretending to drink a large bottle of nasty beer supposed to look sexy?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Hillbilly,

I personally am far more comfortable with a chain in my bag than wrapped around my waist where it can get in the way. Maybe that has to do with the type of bag I rub, or else maybe I have some bizarre physical dimensions. Obviously people should put their locks wherever they're most comfortable.

I do know of at least one person who incurred a nasty injury as a result of falling on a chain around his waist, but then again there are lots of ways to get hurt and you take chances getting up in the morning, crossing the street, or sticking your face in the fan.

Also, what happens if you lose your key? That might explain the Suicide Girl photo.

--BSNYC

Bike Snob Austin IV said...

correction (oops and oh fuck):

Loco Gringos

Bill said...

yeah, tell em kale! i was starting to get a bit defensive myself...see, a lot of the things that get ragged on here are prevalant/popular because they are cheap as hell, unfortunately people start to imitate the style without needing to...but the cost of a fixie and a pbr pale(ales) in comparison....

PhysicsSnob said...

I agree with NatMc, no need to take my word for it though, I've no doubt the Snob will trust the late and great Mr. Brown himself in this matter: http://www.sheldonbrown.com/brakturn.html

ant1 said...

I'd like to throw in my support for PBR (Pressurized, Beer, Refrigerated, as I like to call it). That blue ribbon was won fair and square. It is delicious, comes in handy 24 oz cans, and doesn't cost an arm and a leg. And I could use one right now.

kale said...

From what I remember from a PBR rep I drunkenly talked to in a real dive bar in St. Johns, PBR originally caught on in Portland as a protest of the yuppie/hipster regime latching on to the microbrews. Oh, the irony!

mander said...

Mander1st!

I think the biggest problem with rocking/ rubbing etc a freewheel with a front brake only on a road bike is that it leaves you vulnerable to bails when braking in poor traction conditions (ice, gravel, wet roads etc). If your front wheel skids you're likely to go down on your low side.

You've always got the BMX style shoejam or fred flintstone stop as a last resort once you run out of mechanical brakes, so in my view having a "backup" brake is nice but not crucially important.

hillbilly said...

almost had me with the lose your key argument...but then i remembered that you could take it off like a top....phew. (probably wouldn't have remembered that at the time) I would say this falls into diff strokes for diff folks category though...my girlfriend had same reaction to yesterdays, we both just find around the waist infinitely more comfortable, but i am a hillbilly, so.....also, the chain in the bag wreaks havocs on paperbacks such as 'a dog in a hat' or your new colleague bob mioske's 'bicycling and the law'...

onespeedbiker said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
onespeedbiker said...

BS, I not really sure what a bicycle break light is, especially when taken in context that the bike has a (supposedly) blinking rear tail light. To describe it as a break light would seem to indicate it would activate when breakage has occured. So, I'm assuming a break light in this context would mean if the rider ever sees the break light illuminated one would assume that something catatrophic has happened. The rider is now in a position to be looking at the back of his seat, meaning the normal postion of rider and bicyle has been juxtaposed in reverse and hense something bad has happened. One can imagine the rider lying on the rode after his bike has performed the horny baboom, thinking two things; "I think my collar bone is broken" and, "WOW my break light is blinking; how do(sic) it know?"

jolene said...

dus this make me a hippie now who am i suposed to i was dressing like in the us weekley tels me two not with a carhart or nuthin thats for work and i don do that i guess that makes me a hippie too now that i think i herd it rite that they is ardists and such with what i kin paint a bike i tolt you i dew drink shine thow bet they dont dew that yet my babys turnt out funny like buckus off it i don they yewst to be jocks i tell ye and cald red and ricky faggits but now hews the faggit haha i aint give you none now yew are whut you eat pussy i likes me some 211 now boy howdy

BikeSnobNYC said...

NatMc and PhysicsSnob,

I am familiar with and understand that Sheldon Brown tract. But I think anyone who's ridden offroad would also agree that having two brakes can help you keep both wheels on the ground in certain situations. (Such as picking your way down steep technical descent.) Also, as Sheldon Brown himself points out in that article, not all cyclists are experts at modulating the front brake. I'd bet that in practice having two brakes is less likely to result in an endo in the event of a panic stop for most riders.

Really, though, I just wanted to mention baboons.

--BSNYC

wishiwasmerckx said...

I don't know about you, but whenever I see a 40-oz Schlitz Malt Liquor and a pair of gold lame short-shorts, I think Mrs. Snob.

For the benefit of us older guys not so familiar with the internets, may I assume that the posting is Craigslist code that $300 buys an hour of her time, and you may get a crappy bike value-added to the transaction as well?

leroy said...

I beleive the acceptable term for Hillbilly is Mountain William.

Forget that Appalachian American stuff from Talladega Nights.

hillbilly said...

peakgeek

Wrench Monkey said...

NatMC and PhysicsSnob, slide your ass way back on the saddle and squeeze both brake levers and I guarantee that you will stop faster than if you use a front brake only. There is also more control when you're on a loose surface, not to mention on an extreme descent, when you have front and rear brakes. Believe me, downhillers, XC mountain bike rubbers,and pro racers don't have rear brakes just as a back -up.

Anonymous said...

Wow, a 55' Gitane. That woman must be enormous!

Now Unemployed said...

where be the NSFW?

Randy Bernaud said...

Best beer at the bar, ya'll. Tastes best at a Professional Bull Riding event.

NatMc said...

All is forgiven RTMS.

I was thinking of road situations, myself. But now that you mention off-road, a particularly hairy descent last week found my tail raised high and several fine-looking baboon coeds latched lovingly to my carradice nelson saddlebag. thank the Jobst for the longflap.

Luck E. said...

My chain broke! Waah!!

That's a Fixie Bitch.


A

product placement said...

wow, thanks NatMc

NatMc said...

Wrench Monkey:
You are definitely correct when it comes to loose surfaces or downhill events. On the street, even in the rain, a front brake alone will service just fine (i.e., you prolly shouldn't hit corners so hard in the rain that applying the front brake will cause a slip, just do as the motorcyclists do: straighten out, then hit the brakes).

it's funny, i just remembered that my commuter bike only has front pads on it right now. i took off the rear ones to see if the kool-stop salmon mountain pads would improve braking on another bike.

(how do you like me now Product Placement?)

Anonymous said...

my guess is that you already know about this site:
http://cyclingtattoogallery.blogspot.com/
some really horrific ink posted here.

streepo said...

Does anyone drink Red, White and Blue? In the last millenium, it was the lower end of the PBR product line. Open a six, pour them into glasses and they would produce 6 different colored beers. 2.99 a case though.

butthead galdikas said...

huh huh he said 'presented'

product placement said...

um, you are hurting my head.

red neckerson said...

sometimes i wonders if the microfone is on or not

it aint hillbilly

if you wants to be cool and parts of the in crowd as it is you say HILLJACK

damm

it gets way too compiated around here because i saw some hilljack riden around on a low rider

it dont make no damm sense to me

jest how that fits into yor phylogeny is over my fucking pay grade

thank ya hi skol girl next time them hazard boys better win

when i saw that picture of the babe with the guns i aint gots that hi since i gots some weed and then ate 14 little debbie cakes in a row

better than a moonpie by a lots

now jolene you is getting a bit carried away when even i caint tell what the hell you is trying to say

lay off them oxycontins and come home to meet my boy duke

Typenschild Delete said...

Snob, there's a very easy way to tell genuine hillbillys from hipstabillys in photos. If they're in a photo that is viewable on the internet, they are not hillbillys. (excepting someplace like Wikipedia or National Geographic).

Canadian Trawler said...

Two days have gone by and nary a mention of the rant on Competitive Cyclist's "What's New" blog (since deleted) on how you have sold out of more than just decals.

What gives?

hillbilly said...

how bout callin em 'pistabillys'

hillbilly said...

trawler - i didn't see that post, was it any more substantive than commenters on here saying 'man, you sold out' and such?

flaco said...

i feel really bad for her, but man, those posts on glandular fever are boring! and why has that gotten to be thenew hot thing? never heard of it, and now all of a sudden some cyclist in paris-nice had it, andy murray is recovering from it, and competitive cyclist..

Philboy said...

Snobby, you still the bomb and all those haters can go ahead and do whatever it is haters are supposed to do these days. The heck with all these amature engineers, I liked the bit about the baboon presenting itself. Anybody gives me crap in this afternoon's meeting, I'll hit them with that.

Shram said...

hell yeah I remember Red White & Blue, back in Wisconsin (I was a FIB then).

@Nat-MC:
product placement works best if you link to them as well. C'mon, man.

Now, where be the nsfw link?

Anonymous said...

Chains are silly, no matter where you keep them...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cpf35C7wu6Q

...and this is a proper gansta, bitch!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPWzLQn53V0

RM said...

Is this hipstabilly fad similar to velocity deep-v's, in that once it is no longer considered fashionable and consequently ironic, that it will be okay for me to wear my flannel shirts and rock/rub my beard long and bushy again? Please tell me this is true.

RM

RM said...

p.s. The chick with the chain around her waist is hot and I can put up with larry king as long as he isn't speaking, but oprah almost killed it for me.

Anonymous said...

Hey Kale, Brian and the rest of you PBR fans, don't get your knicker's in a twist. This defense of a weak cheap beer is nothing new.
I've lived through this before. It used to be Rolling Rock,then Corona. All the same demographic, drinking what they think is "the cool beer". And don't give me this union bullshit, you can't sell that with a straight face.

Will Handsfield said...

I prefer the more imbibable Thirsty-Two ounce Schlitz malt liquor. You just cut out the 8 ounces at the bottom of a 40 that always seem to get warm.

Bill said...

it's cheap! and you can drink it all night! nuff said! sorry, i guess i'm supposed to call it 'sessioning'

bk jimmy said...

That young hipsterbilly lady has a nice collection of guns AND a wedding/engagement ring. She's probably got a baby crawling around, too--just check inside the laundry basket!

ricky said...

all you haters kiss my hilljack ass

you boys dont know nothin

the new cheap beer for hilljacks is keystone

pabst is to elitisist

jolene if you keeps ragin on me and red im gonna open a 32 oz can of STFU on ya

libertyonbikes! said...

"(the "hipster's" only mode of self-defense is sarcasm)"
-BRILLIANT!
now if i didn't spit my drink through my nose...

Wrench Monkey said...

NatMc, Isn't riding on wet pavement like riding on any loose surface? Not arguing, asking. I try to avoid braking in wet corners, but when I do, I usually brake harder w/ the rear and when the rear starts to slide I ease up on the brakes; braking w/ the front only doesn't give that option because when the front wheel starts to slide, there is no longer any steering. Admittedly, I do crash a lot. This is my last post on this topic.
Btw, nice reference Butthead, but I knew Birute and you sir are no Birute. That said, any fan of BG is a friend of mine.

Anonymous said...

? Where the unsafe for work picture of the last girl?

Toxteth said...

I like when people say on their ads; "I was told I could sell it for..." then they list it for almost half of the amount.

They must trust that person even less than they expect us to trust that person. Who is that person again?

Anonymous said...

short post snob im a little disapointed have you run out of things to make fun of? is the world becoming to sad a place for you? are you distracted by the scent of female snobs who i believe are in heat this time of year or are you frightened because the world now knows that you are the lone wolf?

only you know the truth

CommieCanuck said...

dunno, I'd still like to wet her ham.

knowaddamean..?

CommieCanuck said...

Toxteth, you could sell that comment for $12.

Anonymous said...

that person = me

Anonymous said...

I don't know about Portland, but PBR was popular at Iowa State in the late '70s, at least when Tuborg Gold wasn't on sale.

CommieCanuck said...

That photo of the chick with the gun: as I remember it, that's how women in NC got "respectable" and married after the little stick turned blue.

Anonymous said...

The chick with the Gitane is pretty hot...I mean hot in the sense that she would most likely do anything for just one more bumper and at a $1.55 or so I could afford maybe three or four em...and thus get three or four of those sick fantasies of mine out into the wider exterior reality...got her number?

RM said...

If you bother to visit the Pabst website it mentions the resurgence of popularity just after 2001. When reportedly sales had dropped below 1 million barrels a year.

And according to the book of hipstabilly page 4 line 12: And so it shall be. Only flannel shall cover our backs and PBR fulfill our thirst. (Oct. 30, 2001)

The next year as the movement began so did the resurgence in PBR sales.

bikesgonewild said...

...speaking of baboons...trendy folks would drink baboon piss if their 'mentors' told 'em it was the hip thing to do...

...observing 'the scene' & just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

Don't knock PBR...it's a fine beer...I had my local snob shop order it for me and those thirty packs for 15 bucks look swell amongst all the "handmade" swill...

southpole said...

i wonder is the chain-girl the alpha state girl?

Leprechaun said...

Let's look at the price of that frame. $500 if it was repainted with new decals. Cost of paint job and new decals $500. HMMMMM. 0-0 = 0, carry the 0. 0-0 = 0 carry the 0. 5-5 = WTF! That POS is worthless. Not to mention the BB has French threading. If the BB shelled out you'd be looking for a replacement in cottered crank territory. Gotta have it! Speaking of which, the Little Love Dove in the hot pants is oddly alluring. Let's see, bad taste in bikes, bad taste in beer, Holy Shit, I might have a chance!

Anonymous said...

I prefer a 40 of Haffenreffer over PBR any day. PBR is what you piss after drinking a decent stout.

Of course, I'll drink any decent beer before I'll go after malt liquor, just so y'all know where I'm coming from.

Anonymous said...

I bet the chick with the 40 ouncer (my sorta chick)... has french threading...if you bend her over just right...

Jason said...

one of the best posts ever

hillbilly said...

idiot comment on ny times new cycling blog:

"I see them go the wrong way, ride without helmets, and yell at pedestrians… when they’re biking on the sidewalk"

Really, how often does one really see this? Dammit, can't I go a week without getting in a fight about this shit?

CommieCanuck said...

BGW...make mine Baboon piss lite..

Anonymous said...

I like dis beerz but who drink dat beers ? dat beers is sucks like blabbidy blurbidy

toysrus bike said...

@ Leprechaun,

good point about cottered pin territory... nothing good comes out of visiting that place...

missoura boy said...

are there any posters here who dont drink alcohol, dont ride a fixie, and dont have tattoos? or am i the only one...

kale said...

100 bottles of pbr on the wall

bk jimmy said...

Now that the snob empire is expanding, if you want the nsfw content you'll have to subscribe to BikeSnobXXX. Something like channel 1590 on Time Warner.

Bill said...

does that mean i'll have to see the freecreditreport.com commercials every 5 minutes interspersed with those fucking hillside honda ads?

bk jimmy said...

Straight edge now includes not riding a fixie

I don't.....skid!

At least I can FUCKING THINK

kale said...

Ok, that was stupid, I admit.

But, as Anon 3:36 and 3:50 stipulated, I'm not trying to lump "popularity" in with "trendyness" - which as we all know, is ephemeral. Ford F-series trucks are popular, but not trendy.

When PBR started showing up in places where it would have been harumphed upon, that's when it became "trendy" for hipster recruitment centers like Union Pool, where people wear $179 pants, can find it acceptable to swill 2 for $5 cans (not man-cans, mind you) of PBR.

Sometimes there isn't any point...

southpole said...

yeah i bet your wheels are square too
(i go for rothaus)

Anonymous said...

Snob endorses McPBR - Guinness.

Leprechaun said...

What's wrong with PBR? It was my brand back in the early '70's. I haven't had a drink in 15 years (by popular demand) but I"m guessing PBR still does the trick. Good for a cheap buzz!

Anonymous said...

Oddly alluring, indeed.

Anonymous said...

Oddly alluring, indeed.

Anonymous said...

All remotely sordid pictures of jackalopes from this point on should be sepia toned and paired with a picture of Ronald Reagan. Seriously NSFW, Snob.

Anonymous said...

I thought the PBR thing was from the folks trying to declare their affection for the ol' film, Blue Velvet.

"Heineken?! Heineken?! F*** Heineken! Pabst--Blue--Ribbon!!"

Oh yeah, these folks are the ones who are copying the former.

Anonymous said...

I like Sheldon Brown a lot, but that braking article contains some of the dumbest things he ever wrote:

"Skilled cyclists use the front brake alone probably 95% of the time, but there are instances when the rear brake is preferred..."

"When to Use Both Brakes Together:
Generally I advise against using both brakes at the same time. There are exceptions, however..."

Huh?

Anonymous said...

Anon 5:01-
The oxygen bar trend died out a while back... explain that... and the rape.

Anonymous said...

A badass, bitch with beer and a bike at the beach.. I am in love !

R. Descartes said...

I skid, therefore I fuck.

juliasets said...

You can't really mess with a single speed with no breaks. Not only can you fool everyone into thinking you're riding a fixed gear (provided you continuously pedal), you can impress them with your superior "fixed gear freestyling skills" which prove to be even MORE difficult sans breaks. Now that's a freestyling technique I've not yet seen mastered. I saw attempt it once, I dropped off his mangled wheel at his grave earlier this week. He would have wanted it that way.

Anonymous said...

Transition Bikes has PBR themed bikes and saddles.

I drink at that bar. Cap's is sweet. Doorman keeps an eye on your bike, I can bring me dog to the bar, and PBR is $1.25. That right there is why I drink PBR sometimes. Buying rounds for the table for less than a Whiskey Coke in NYC. Stone IPA is my preferred fancy beer.

Anonymous said...

Oddly alluring inbred.

Leprechaun said...

You can't argue with Frank Booth when it comes to PBR. Especially when he's wailing on the amyl nitrate!

Anonymous said...

Anon 3:22

http://suicidegirls.com/girls/Paonia/photos/+Alley+Cat/

frilly said...

I had my first PBR ever on Sunday. Hafta admit it was better than I thought it would be.

Come to think of it I say the same thing about the gynecologist, so I guess thats really not a good thing.

frilly said...

Oh, I almost forgot.

Hey, AP!

Anonymous said...

I call dibs on the 55 foot bike!

Andy Pandy said...

Kale sorry to knit pick/correct, but I do not think the grammar nazi is refined enough to pick it up …..but it is a silent T in pinot. Bloody frenchies make everything difficult.
A break light is similar to a break glass used in fire protection. In this case the owner of said item breaks the glass/ light to release contents, be they a dram of fine malt whisky or a couple of eckkies for emergency withdrawal situations

Coulda been a contender for podium last night but sleep deprivation got me in the end. Had the podium speech all worked out and a bag of clean urine taped to my private parts to get past the drug testers

Cognorant said...

Geez Frilly, careful with those comments! That last one made the water shoot right out of my nose.

Dennis H said...

heineken!?
heineken!?

FUCK THAT SHIT.

Pabst Blue Ribbon

jhota said...

i'll have to let the folks at the Recovery Room know their smoking area was "featured" on a major cycling blog...

Anonymous said...

I'd call her whatever she wanted me to call her, honestly. I'll bet that Gitane sold in about .03 seconds.

As for PBR, it only tastes great ice cold after a 10 mile ride or longer. In which case, you could basically trade it out for Zima and not notice the difference.

bikesgonewild said...

...commiecanuck...please, a little sophistication is warranted here...

...baboon piss 'lite' is our 'summer brew'...

...spring may be blooming but it's still the season for the frothy, heavy stuff...

...soon enough, soon enough...

red neckerson said...

i caints see that nsfpl version lf alley cat without payin money for it whcih i aint about to do cos i aint gots that kind of money after going up to hazard, losing some money on hazrd tanking there first game in the sweet 16 then me buying a mongoose up at the walmart.

hell i can peek in jolenes trailer any times i wants

if she aint there i kin get a look at her mom whos purty hot to but she ways close to 300 pounds

its like they say the bigger the cushion the better the pushin

never drink keystone until you is a bit drink already it fasilitates the whole process

Anonymous said...

I also have to chime in that Mr. Brown got it wrong about the brakes. Yes, front brakes have more stopping power but there are quite a few statements he made there that are flat out wrong.

I'm guessing Sheldon didn't ride off-road much...

Anonymous said...

F U Snobbie... what, no "safe for workplace" of the final picute?

Hey, look Fonzie... there's a tank full of sharks over there.

Gotta wonder what Bicycling is paying... I hope it's good.

Beano said...

@ Andy Pandy

Pinot Morroni?

Anonymous said...

Cheap beer?
Why do hipsters drink PBR? Take a closer look at brands/branding and meaning in the marketplace.

http://www.adbusters.org/blogs/blackspot/cheap_beer.html

Beano said...

+ "knit pick" ?

Hmph!

Although now I have to thank you Andy Pandy because I'm now aware that I'm a pettifogger (sense 2).

Without your comment I would have never self-diagnosed my condition correctly.

A blessing upon your house!

bikesgonewild said...

...ahyup...ol' sheldon was pretty amazing (check out the extent of his body of work) but the "braking" thingy was definitely a dropped clunker...
...& kinda hard to imagine he could drop the ball so badly on something so fundamental...

...but hey, nobody gets it right all the time...

Philip Williamson said...

St. Sheldon had a whole article about trying (and failing) to brake well offroad until he started to use his rear brake again.
Whole different balla wax. Fixed gear offroad gets sketchy if you use your rear brake. Counter-intuitive.

Hickster! Funny. Everybody's got big-ass beards these days, though. Usually driving F-950s. Fat ass fucks drive fat ass trucks.

Anonymous said...

I looked up "Aksium", not being that literate in fancy wheels, and on Universal Cycles they say in all-caps:
"UNIQUE AESTHETICS WILL MAKE ANY BIKE LOOK BETTER"

kale said...

Beano-

Dammit, now I have to drink something else because Adbusters (my favorite rag in college, btw) tells me what to notbuy. Country Club is also under the control of the neoliberals... but there's no chance in hell I'm gonna be straightedge, or be a nitpicker and drink Penfold's Shiraz and listen to didgeridoos.

Maybe the hilljacks had it right with their stills.

S.K. said...

"I beleive the acceptable term for Hillbilly is Mountain William."
I look forward to Leroy's comments as much as I look forward to The Snob's posts.

CommieCanuck said...

Cognorant, me too. The really funny thing was, I wasn't drinking water at the time.

St. Sheldon said...

off-road braking... I thought that was the whole point of the trees.

flaco said...

please snob, hurry, save me from nytimes 'cycling' blog featuring comments such as:

"I hope people don’t think that bike maintenance is a big deal. It’s not. I spend almost nothing on my bikes, add oil and tighten a nut here and there. It’s not like paying $1500 for a transmission or $800 for new car tires. Bike maintenance is hardly something to talk about as an issue."

Udder said...

Andy Pandy: Sorry to correct, but the correct term is "nit pick", (as in parasitic insect eggs in your hair) not "knit pick." I suppose you could pick at your knitting (if you're gay or old) but that's a different matter.

Or is this like "breaks" instead of "brakes" and I don't get it.

Anonymous said...

Bike snob- Man, I wish I could remember the title of the short story collection (I think coming out of writers workshops)that came out in the last two years. It featured a few stories where bikes were featured prominently (new trend as far as I can tell) and in one a gal got stuck in her chain and decided to lock herself naked to a parking meter in NYC in the hopes that biketheives would rescue her from the chain. I'm not sure it's humanly possibly to slip the chain that's locked around your waist over a parking meter while naked, but maybe we need to see if it can be done.

I'm a fan!
Flo

mono_vs_stereo said...

I'm just pleased to see a fixed conversion still sporting drop bars instead of all these half-assed BMX wannabe bikes I see around here. Granted, that POS wouldn't last two seconds in a velodrome, but at least the bars are right.

Gordon Inkeles said...

OK, that does it. I'm making a comment.

SkidMarkPDX said...

That hillbilly thing is just more skateboarding influence. The Vato plaids, guns, weed, trucker cap with a bandana under it, it's all Jason Jessee. Maybe you can trade a Nagasawa for a Frisco-style Harley chopper.

Self-appointed expert on the subject said...

i hope that pistol don't go off else she'd shoot a hole in her shoulder...

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