Friday, August 21, 2009

BSNYC Morbid Death Quiz! (Formerly the "Friday Fun Quiz")

As the rigidity and structure of the week gives way to the yielding flaccidity of the weekend (strictly in terms of scheduling, that is) many of us in turn transition from a week of commuting to a weekend of riding for pleasure and recreation. However, if you think about it, on a certain level the difference between practical and pleasurable cycling is as arbitrary as the idea of weekdays and weekend days. Why should we happy on Friday yet miserable on Monday? Why should we not enjoy a ride to work as much as we do a ride to Bear Mountain? The answer is, of course, "society," as embodied by this chainlink fence:


We've encountered "society" before, too. "Society" is mean and nasty, and when we want to have fun it scowls at us and says, "No, man:"


But we don't have to listen. We are cyclists. We don't need to apportion our pleasure to certain days of the week. We can ride every day, and we can find joy in our surroundings even while our friends and co-workers are trapped behind the wheel or on the bus or under the ground on trains. Yes, even though "society" is all around us we can see right through it. Our view is this:

It can be too easy to forget that there's also beauty all around us, especially when we see the same thing every day. For example, I ride over the East River (pictured above) twice a day, and while I may find myself pining for nature the truth is I need to remember that the East River is nature. Still, I tend to forget, and this is partially because the East River needs a folksy nickname. People call the Mississippi River all kinds of things: "Old Man River;" "Old Blue;" Moon River;" and so forth. This reminds them that it's full of history and beauty. Recently I've been referring to the East River as "The Big Skanky," and I'm pleased to report that this has increased threefold the inspiration factor of my daily commute. All the name needs is a good song to go with it--preferably something that sounds good if you play it on a banjo with your feet in the water.

Pending that, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see this hard-hitting report on New York City messengers from "back in the day."

Thanks for reading, ride safe, and seek inspiration in everything--even in sludge. (Just make sure you don't drink it.)


--BSNYC/RTMS




1) The owner of this bicycle calls it:

--"Red Dawn"
--"Redrum"
--"Blood and Milk"
--"Mad Maxi Pad: Beyond Tarckidome"





2) When it comes to bicycles, the whole is sometimes far less than the sum of its parts.

--True
--False




3) "Planet Bike take note!" These photos taken by a reader indicate that in the near future "filth prophylactics" may very well be:

--Inflatable
--Sources of ad revenue
--Also usable as flotation devices
--All of the above







4) This "Fixie Inc Backspin" may not be NJS, but it is "Bike Polo Approved."

--True
--False






5) "Boo-ya!" Which celebrity almost got coldcocked by a guy palping flop-and-chops?

--Miley Cyrus
--Lindsay Lohan
--Ashley Olsen
--Lady Gaga

(Correct answer via none other than the Bike Shrink.)





6) Why is the Felt F1X being recalled?

--The seatpost collar can break
--The fork steerer tube can break
--The bottom bracket shell is not "beefy" enough
--An unfortunate decal misprint identifies the bike as a "Felt FUX"






7) From whence cometh this ethereal gleam?

--An untaped track bar
--A shiny Hatta Swan headset
--A distant star
--A woman's crotch




8) Eric Murphy is also known as:

--"The Equalizer"
--"The Chamferer"
--"The Comforter"
--"'E' from the HBO series 'Entourage'"






9) "Straight to Hell, boy." Readers have been spotting these flyers around:

--Brooklyn, NY
--San Francisco, CA
--Chicago, IL
--Portland, OR




***Special Nonplussed Smug Portland Environmentalist Bonus Question***



Why is this woman outraged?

--A civic ordinance in Portland prohibits adults from carrying more than two children under 12 on a bicycle
--The grips on her Electra Townie are not recyclable
--She wants to go "car free" and the government will not let her apply the "cash for clunkers" credit from her VW Microbus towards a Surly Big Dummy
--She was denied service at a fast food drive-thru window

119 comments:

Anonymous said...

BOO-YA!

Anonymous said...

BIKE SHRINK!

ant1 said...

ant1st!

ringcycles said...

Podium!!!

Anonymous said...

In there.

Anonymous said...

Kloden!

rezado said...

I love fry-day

Prolly said...

lulz

Hans said...

top 10?

Anonymous said...

Felt Recald is old news. Originated 6-28-09 AND I STILL don't have my damn replacement fork.

BASTARDS

grog said...

Oh no! Bring back the FUNK WHIZ.

landis in 06 said...

I'm depressed and drunk......

Landis

Reed Enwright said...

I saw "The Big Skanky" on TCM last night.

Anonymous said...

I must thank you for yesterday's post, which denounced nadabike for the fraud that it is. I'd like to take the opportunity to announce a my bike company, one that will truly take the power away from "the man." Dadabike. The first model can be seen here:
http://spa.exeter.ac.uk/drama/dada/wheelb.jpg

Slappy said...

Goodness, the Hoss, glorious artistic cycling lady from Germany, still reverbates in my soulski
some of these goofy hipster fixters need their head tube angles steepened and the leather saddles that allow for maximum leverage for cherrypicki

Strayhorn said...

Hope that guy with the flops and chops had his bicycle disinfected.

Anonymous said...

BSNYC makes me happy.

bikramyoganj said...

It is a differnt energy from the ride on Monday then the ride on Friday no matter what you do for a living Yes, its society doing that, but alsa there is beauty all around and it is much more likley to been seen when your average speed is say, 15 miles per hour with the wind blowing hot air thru your helmet then sittin on any car, train or bus...Have a great weekend anyway!

bikramyoganj said...

It is a differnt energy from the ride on Monday then the ride on Friday no matter what you do for a living. Yes, its society doing that, but alsa there is beauty all around and it is much more likley to be seen when your average speed is say, 15 miles per hour with the wind blowing hot air thru your helmet then sittin in any car, train or bus...Have a great weekend anyway!

Reed Enwright said...

Can hitting celebrities become the next fixie fad ... please.

Reed Enwright said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Top twenty five and I only missed 2!!!!

grog said...

grog successfully negotiated his bike through the drive-through window at the bank. The teller remarked "I believe you are the first cyclist to ever use the drive through". grog was not refused service, did not have to express frustration, Tweet, nor accept an apology, but was simply pleased to be happily cycling on a Friday, with a pocket full of money. The end.

Reed Enwright said...

What's on Red Dawn's top tube?

It looks like one of these.

Anonymous said...

Yo Antonio - Yous out there ? Hows Mario ?

Anonymous said...

TARKI DOME?

hillbilly said...

hehe, the big skanky, that's great, now i actually am looking forward to the ride home. have a great weekend everyone and i'll see some of yall fellow team fatties in philly.

andrew said...

always awesome!and i got an extra special treat from the friday fun quizz (or morbid death quizz) as the 1st question was about my bike!"red dawn"!i feel i got off lightly.
thanks for making me laugh on a daily basis.
andrew in tempe , az.

Anonymous said...

4.2% v.47

CREAM CRCH

Anonymous said...

I wonder if that lady with all the kids would have been served at the drive through if she had been wearing heels?

Reed Enwright said...

... or a bra?

Isolation Helmet said...

I remember my old commute from Prospect Heights into mid-town Manhattan. The big skanky was usually a highlight along with the sunrise. The one thing I do not miss from that commute however was the odors you would endure. Car exhaust, urine, puke etc.

Anonymous said...

'one less minivan'

hmmnn, and how many new americans has she brought into this world?

crabon credits aside, we are expensive

d.nicer said...

that "straight to hell" flyer is available as a tshirt from threadless.. http://www.threadless.com/product/1941/Missing

Reed Enwright said...

Upon further investigation of drivethru mom's bike, it appears she's has converted a 60s era waterski into a multiple child carrier.

Not sure what to make of it, but definitely not as disturbing as this.

Anonymous said...

there's a certain irony in going to the trouble of not having a car with three kids in order to help the environment, but yet still eating cheeseburgers

we Americans are crazy

Anonymous said...

What is so eco-friendly about fast food? I didn't know hippies ate at McDonalds.

kale said...

At the risk of sounding pedantic, but the East River actually a tidal strait coterminous with Long Island Sound. So isolating that water body is somewhat difficult, geographically speaking.

However, I believe the use of the term "skank" has been used by several environmental microbiologists to describe the unique conditions inherent within the ecosystem.

Anonymous said...

Reed Enwright said...
Upon further investigation of drivethru mom's bike, it appears she's has converted a 60s era waterski into a multiple child carrier

Uh, that's just an xtracycle deck

www.xtracycle.com

Anonymous said...

"What is so eco-friendly about fast food? I didn't know hippies ate at McDonalds."

She was going to Burgerville, local PDX chain - http://burgerville.com/

Here is another account of the story from the local paper:

http://blog.oregonlive.com/commuting/2009/08/burgerville_to_biking_mom_no_b.html

james said...

t-shirt gone flyer?

http://www.threadless.com/product/1941/Missing

Anonymous said...

kale,
you don't sound pedantic, you sound real dumb. ask anybody here and you will find that microbiologists are wannabe microbeerologists.

'coterminous', jeez man

Reed Enwright said...

Thanks for the clarification. What at first appeared to be the clever recycling of one of these, is in fact a web driven pseudo-cult.

kale said...

Well, the term "skank" is rooted in the discipline of brewing to refer to the final mixture of kieselguhr and yeast. That would explain it.

Seanywonton said...

Happy Firday ya'll!
Hope you got your milk crate racks full of beer and ice. Or just have your children hold the six-packs.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Lindsay Lohan and Big Skanky in the same post? Aren't they one and the same? Any cyclist would be well advised to pull an emergency manoeuver to avoid hitting that.

Anonymous said...

Genital gleam!

Ross said...

yeah im kinda confused about the kashimax-type top tube protector on 'red dawn'. you really need that when you dont have drops? its kinda like that picture of hipster ladies all wearing pant cuff retainers on the left leg as a fashion statement. yay hipsterdom!

Anonymous said...

kale,

and I thought skank was a type of lizard.

Anonymous said...

"We've encountered "society" before, too. "Society" is mean and nasty, and when we want to have fun it scowls at us and says, "No, man:"

Are you un-American, just a misanthrope, or both?

"SOME writers have so confounded society with government, as to leave little or no distinction between them; whereas they are not only different, but have different origins. Society is produced by our wants, and government by wickedness; the former promotes our happiness POSITIVELY by uniting our affections, the latter NEGATIVELY by restraining our vices. The one encourages intercourse, the other creates distinctions. The first is a patron,the last a punisher.

Society in every state is a blessing, but government even in its best state is but a necessary evil;"
Thomas Paine

How can you dislike something that encourages intercourse?

Anonymous said...

If you look at the freeze-frame from the "no dude" movie, it's pretty obvious what's going on. The pale white guy asked if he could also get some head from the chick. the headphones are just a metaphore for the type of love she provides to dudes with adequate street cred.

Reed Enwright said...

@ Seanywonton

Here's your beer-bike.

Brian said...

Lindsey Lohan coldcocked? I thought she was a FGGT devoid of ethereal gleam.

BLUD MILK

Critical Ass said...

Thank God for Twitter. I was denied service at a drive-through a couple years ago and my only option at the time was to shout a racial slur at the fast food worker as he closed the window in my face.

JTK said...

please burger lady, in the pursuit of "one less minivan," don't get your cute mostly Presidentially named kids killed. YOU might survive a fender bender, but little Monroe there's gunna get pitched through the air like a cow from a French castle.

also, "angry tweet" - ooohhh, scary

Reed Enwright said...

In fact, there's a long tradition of bicycle commuting cheeseburger moms.

Anonymous said...

Society suffers so that I can know what a relatively good time I'm having. Thank you society, for suffering, and dying for my spins.

bk jimmy said...

On #9 I picked Portland, and dammit, I was right!

I am thoroughly non-plussed! For my troubles I should get, like, a 10% discount on an Extracycle.

Sumbiker said...

Riding for more then the first one around a pointless loop

team fatty @ Philly

Astroluc said...

hey it was a race! did I come in first?

no man, was only a charity ride.

EPIC FAIL

Anonymous said...

Those "straight to hell" missing bike posters were actually a promo from Threadless. hidden behind them were tshirts with the design from the poster on them.

oh yeah, i got one.

http://www.threadless.com/profile/100/shimala/blog/487962/Reward_Have_you_seen_my_bicycle

Anonymous said...

http://www.threadless.com/profile/100/shimala/blog/487962/Reward_Have_you_seen_my_bicycle

Anonymous said...

third times the charm. heres the link:

http://bit.ly/ZyxOz

Strayhorn said...

JTK said...

please burger lady, in the pursuit of "one less minivan," don't get your cute mostly Presidentially named kids killed.

Looks like your standard-issue breeder parading her crotchfruit around so everyone can admire her work. Safety be damned!

also, "angry tweet" - ooohhh, scary

Srsly. WTF? What ever happened to the old American tradition of pulling out your handgun and blasting the guy behind the counter?

yogisurf said...

Re bike in the fast food drive up...why anybody would want to be in a line with exhaust belching cars along with the small risk of a 'opps, I meant to hit the brake'.....I don't get it. She must have a lock in those panniers.

mander said...

This might have been your best week of posts yet RTMS. Thanks as usual for the hilarity, and have a great weekend.

Brian said...

Real Housewives of Portland

Anonymous said...

mark thomas did mcd's

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71-h9A2XvWo

Anonymous said...

I ate chilli relenos con frijoles for lunch, and I can tell you, I have been doing some angry tweeting around here

Test Tickle said...

It's been dry around here lately...

DEAD LAWN

balls.

hillbilly said...

i'm a moron, it took me this long that my office is right over the east river. that's right. i sit on big skanky all day 5 days a week. impressive clouds over it right now

Anonymous said...

I'd hit that.

Anonymous said...

Portland is a toothless, meth-fueled meetin' place for all the incest survivors in the Pacific NW that ran away from home at 16...well, at least the East side is...

Anonymous said...

Look out Snobby! Best keep it on the DL...

http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/08/21/outing.anonymous.bloggers/index.html

Anonymous said...

Maybe I'll wait another couple minutes to leave work...

Test Tickle said...

anon 4:29

actually, those types can be found on the west side, as in downtown, near the square and on the waterfront. east side is gentrified.

balls.

southpole said...

i'm sure it has been mentioned before but in the context of several parts of today's post i would like to remind that fixie means "fuck her" in german, which immediately makes a lot of sense

daniel said...

a 45second plea for the joy of riding
http://vimeo.com/6193111

Anonymous said...

I concur, you jumped the shark this week.

Since this is no longer on video, the transcript is a poor substitute.

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/91/91asmalley.phtml

You are number one in our book, Portland should be sucked into the Big Skanky (West)

http://www.londoncyclist.co.uk/features/top-50-cycling-blogs/

What do the British know about cycling, they suck as much as the French.

Anonymous said...

east sides always get gentrified first. river thing, and lack of respect.

Anonymous said...

SE PDX is gentrified, yes, but NE? I haven't been there in a while so I can only go by about 12 years ago. NE was by far the skankiest. Not as skanky as, say, Albany or Salem, but it's right up there.

Anonymous said...

If you want skank, try Sweet Home.

Anonymous said...

google is your daddy.

kale said...

Looks like a Vanilla Ice wheelbrow kinda day.

Fred Zeppelin said...

Topeak won a Red Dot design award in 2007 for their inflatable fender. It's on their website, actually in production.

Anonymous said...

I guess the flop 'n' chop guy was dazzled by Lindsay's freshly waxed, panty free, open legged, cab dismounting, celebrity, pink goodness.

Anonymous said...

first?

bikesgonewild said...

...LILO PINK x TAXI DOOR = BIKE SLAM...

Test Tickle said...

anon 4:50

so much has changed ... hell, NoPo has a New Seasons Market, and instead of folks toting pistols in the hood, they now tote double baby strollers and a latte.

Jockey Club - gone (RIP)
Paradox - gone

balls.

Drive-up Girl said...

One-less minivan-

You're car-free in Portland. I can't let you violate your vegan faith by ordering cheeseburgers. You are way too precious to us all.

Red neckerson said...

Lindsy Lohan don't scare me I could catch much worst from jolene

I borryed billy bobs ipod I think it's cool I can post this while pinching a loaf but I don't like it corecting my spelling

Red neckerson said...

Lindsy Lohan don't scare me I could catch much worst from jolene

I borryed billy bobs ipod I think it's cool I can post this while pinching a loaf but I don't like it corecting my spelling

bikesgonewild said...

...drinkin' singles but seein' double, red neckerson ???...

leroy said...

I realize that I have been a poor curator of the leroydex in recent weeks. Indeed, an Ellen Jamesian would be more loquacious.

That is why I am heartened to see that Mr. Reed Enwright has filled the leroydex void.

I would pass the index mantle, but a Reed Enwright Index would sound too much like a Read 'N Rite 'N Dex and that might give me a rhythmic tic.

Ride safe all!

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85rjnaRIB_8

Anonymous said...

Felt promises riders will ride like Hincapie.

FELT FAIL

Anonymous said...

Oingo Boingo have all the answers.

Anonymous said...

Murray's in the photo, Murphy's a character in Entourage.

Anonymous said...

Hello fellow BSNYC connoisseurs,

Anon 4:28 from Thursday here. Thanks for all of your responses as to the elusive meaning of RTMS. I wasn't sure which meaning was implied by the Snob himself, however, I think that any one of your responses would certainly fit.

Peace

red neckerson said...

aint nuthing wrong with seeing double shit if its jolenes tits yor looking at

she gots really cool titty tattys the one on the rite says hole and the one on the left says choklate

bikesgonewild said...

...she-it, red...jolene's titty tats sound like they could be trouble, down viper way...

...they call her the "dairy queen" 'cuz everybody's wantin' a look n' a sip on friday nite ???...

Anonymous said...

More like 'Richard D James denied service at drive through window.'

James said...

thought CC would like this clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhyCL-ELRxg&feature=related

Anonymous said...

burgerville looks like pretencious speculation. so does riding into the drive in. whats wrong with packed lunch? and why is it all rammed down my throaght? this is all way worse than mcdonalds.

Appreciative said...

Thank you, Mister Snob.

bikesgonewild said...

...hey, red neckerson...

...any truth to the rumor that jolene's also got a' tat well below her belly button that sez "likker" ???...

Anonymous said...

nice positive post, cheers for the good vibes.

Anonymous said...

Dear Bike Shrink,

I have a couple of bikes and am very comfortable choosing which bike to ride to work, which for weekend recreation or an evening out. I have carefully "curated" both bikes with attention to detail. I always keep ahead of bicycle fashion while, at the same time, selecting components--class over flash if you will--in a restrained way that suggests good taste, knowledge and experience with bicycles.

My problem is how to dress when riding. What do I wear when I commute? Do I want to distinguish myself from the messenger riff-raff or is it cooler to blend in with messenger savvy? What if I want to go out after work? Are there clothes that work for commuting and for a stylish evening at the Art Walk? Weekends are a total torment. Can I still wear my full-racing regalia for a recreational ride? Keep in mind, that I have to traverse through part of the city to get to the mountains where I like to ride. Sometimes my insecurities force me into the car. I put the bike in the trunk, drive to the city's edge, and then change clothes.

I don't know how much longer I can go on this way.

At a Loss in Los Angeles.

Anonymous said...

Dear At a Loss in Los Angeles.

Being a commuter myself (via JetSki) I have empathy for your position.

I have petitioned Assos to produce me a transparent over suit, to wear over my H. Huntsman (I work in an expensive office space, and need to impress my clients.)

If I were you, I would tailor myself an overgarment from bin bags or the like.

Anonymous said...

Dear At a Loss in Los Angeles.

Regarding your weekend insecurities:

Travel out in your attite of choice on a friday evening under the cover of darkness.

A baggage capable ride is essential.

You will avoid all the problems assisiated with Saturday travel.

A stop at a Greek deli en-route is essential.

Anonymous said...

Personally I ride with uphill-only carbon wheels, and and can confidently assure you they handle LA tram line crossings like a wooden butter knife spreading warm margarine.

The Shrunken Headed Bike Shrink said...

Right. Anyone else?

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Bike Shrink -

I'm concerned that my selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor will select the wrong serotonins on which to inhibit reuptake just to mess with me.

What to do?

zanesfriend said...

I live in West Virginia, which as a not-undeserved reputation for being one of the most bicycle-unfriendly states in the Union; nevertheless, I have never been refused service on my bicycle at a drive through, while someone in Portland, by reputation one of the most bicycle-friendly cities in the US was so refused.

Anonymous said...

Well, if you serve one "nice" lady on a bike, what's going to protect you from the meth heads who try that shit all the time?

7sp said...

Those kids would get at least the same amount of carbon monoxide and sulphur dioxide down their bronchi if they were actually riding in a minivan. So that argument is bogus.

I may be way off here, but I think most would prefer a society where a woman can ride with three kids on her bike, skillfully or not, and not put them in danger because of the simple fact that she would be given SPACE and RESPECT on the road. Regardless of her attractiveness, I might add.

But she ought to look into seating the two in the back a little more securely, seatbelts etc.

And don't feed them burgers, for fucks sake.

Anonymous said...

I am really curious as to how that red cannondale got those handlebars into that stem! if anyone can explain it, I would be appreciative. Did they just cut and re-weld the top bar?

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