Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Errata, Erotica and Arcana: From Winning Rides to Theme Rides

While I may come across on this blog as aloof, detail-oriented, and judgmental, the fact is that I'm often something of a slovenly bumbler. For example, in addition to doing things like biting into hairy muffins and nearly falling headlong into my own urine, just yesterday I was actually outsmarted by the mysterious workings of my own pannier. (Fortunately a more intelligent person was on hand to help me figure it out.) So I wasn't surprised in the least to receive an email notifying me that I made yet another mistake last week, when I claimed to have seen someone schluffing on a fixed-gear in Williamsburg:

Your dead wrong about williamsburg walk

"Bikesnob"


First of all you should get your bike shit str8. I was out there on Williamsburg Walk during go skate day. And the dude that you saw "Schluffing" on fixed gear was actually not riding a fixed gear in the first place. If you took to seconds to look you would notice that on a fixed gear you can not schluff with out the peddles rotating. Be str8 with you I skateboard but I even know that and I am no bike Snob. So before you post something get your shit str8 or next time someone will blow your spot up "BikeSnob"

Hey everyone has an opinion but it is different when it's your opinion, but if you call your self the "Bikesnob" at least make sure that your opinion or thoughts will not put your self proclaimed name on the line.


This person is indeed correct that the workings of a fixed-gear bicycle would not be conducive to "schluffing," and had I taken the time to watch him for awhile I certainly would have realized it was simply a traditional freewheel "schluff." However, in my defense, I was in Williamsburg, and when I'm in Williamsburg I become frightened and confused. As such, I do my best to move quickly and avoid eye contact. Furthermore, you really can't blame me for seeing a bicycle without a derailleur on Bedford Avenue and assuming it's a fixed-gear. I'm sure Malcolm Gladwell would have something to say about my "thinking without thinking," but if you look at the bicycles in question I think you'll agree that anybody else could easily have reached the same conclusion:

That said, I'd like to offer a contrived and obsequious apology to all fixed-gear riders, singlespeed riders, "schluffers," and "sk8ers," as well as to any readers of this blog whom I may have inadvertently misinformed. I only hope nobody will see fit to "blow up my spot," which is really a cozy and well-appointed spot complete with shag carpet, beanbags, refreshments, and Maxwell playing softly in the background. In fact, by way of a peace offering, I'd like to humbly offer this Maxwell/Gladwell/McLaren Similar Hairstyle Triptych:

If you encounter any typos while reading this post, it's because I'm typing with fingers crossed in hopes of a flambullient and sex-tellectual Maxwell x Gladwell x McLaren "collabo" of some kind.

And this wasn't the only grievous error I made recently. In yesterday's post I also mentioned we were "two stages and a prologue" into the Tour de France. However, the Monaco time trial wasn't a prologue at all--it was actually stage 1. This means that I've already mis-paginated the Tour de France, and that yesterday's stage was stage 3 and not stage 2, which is how I'd been thinking of it. And speaking of stage 3 (formerly stage 2, not to be confused with Simplex 2, which is a type of old derailleur, or a type of herpes, I forget which), it was won by by Mark Cavendish, who also won stage 2 (formerly stage 1, not to be confused with Type 1, which is both a professional cycling team and a type of diabetes). Furthermore, Cavendish not only won stage 3 (or stage 2 in the old system), but he did so in high style:

As far as Cavendish's victory salute goes, I believe the most common interpretation is that he's thanking his team for making his victory so easy that he was able to "phone it in." However, there are some other intriguing possibile meanings as well, among them:

--He's saying: "Who's on the phone? Victory? Why, yes, I'll take that call."

--He's saying: "Who's on the phone? Losing? Sorry, I'm afraid you've got the wrong number. Cadel doesn't live here."


--
He's miming making prank calls to Scottish phone sex lines. (This link is only unsafe for work in Scotland; elsewhere it's completely indecipherable, as the Scottish accent is effectively self-censoring.)

It's also worthwhile to note that he's thumbing his nipple.

While this was certainly a flambullient victory salute, it's nowhere near being among the all-time greats. That should be abundantly clear from these "Great Victory Salutes in Tour de France History," brought to you once again by the California Avocado Commission. Here are the top three greatest victory salutes of all time, as selected by you, the fans:

3) Bernard Hinault breaks his own nose before the finish of the St. Etienne stage of the 1985 Tour, thus pioneering the "bloody face" salute (
later emulated by fellow countryman Laurent Jalabert).

2) Upon winning stage 4 of the 1991 Tour, Djamolidine Abdoujaparov holds aloft a 24"x36" piece of oak tag displaying a pictogram which illustrates the phonetic pronunciation of his name.


1) At the 1995 Tour, Mario Cipollini mimes nursing a baby, compete with breast pump and actual man-lactation.


Few cycling fans will forget that Cipollini salute anytime soon, nor the protracted obscenity trial which followed.

But while Cavendish's victory salute may have been sub-par, his sprint certainly wasn't. In fact, sources within team Columbia claim that Cavendish unleashed an incredible 100,000,000 Diminutive Frenchman Units (DFUs). This would explain why Cavendish forsakes the usual crabon fribé frame and instead opts for riveted alumin(i)um:

(I'd link to the relevant Cyclingnews page but their new site is even more confusing than my pannier.)

Also, as you can see from the Head Tube-Mounted Pin-Up Girl (HTMPUG), Cav is quite the cad. This could explain his somewhat phallic nickname:


But while cyclists the world over focus their attention on France, it's all to easy to forget about the stunning beauty, delicious cuisine, and fascinating culture of Italy. (Well, according to what I've read, anyway.) Fortunately, Fat Cyclist (who masterminded the contest which resulted in my hairy muffin date with urinary destiny) is offering you the chance to go there on a "Dream Cycling Vacation." Not only is supporting Fat Cyclist reason enough to enter, but I've also heard that they're actually going to be unveiling a lactating fountain statue of Mario Cipollini in his birthplace of Lucca, Tuscany, so this could be your only chance to drink from it. (In Italy, Mario Cipollini is the patron saint of man-lactation.) Of course, I realize I may just have done Fatty's contest more harm than good with that one, but I implore you to take part in the contest anyway and make your dream cycling vacation a reality.

Speaking of dreams coming true, I must confess I'm in high spirits, as a reader informs me I now have my very own theme ride in Portland:

Considering the fact that no event is too mundane for Portlanders to organize a ride around (take the "My Friend's Roommate Got a New Cat" ride for example) I realize I shouldn't bee too flattered. Also, whoever organized the ride didn't even take the trouble to invite me, send me a plane ticket, and put me up in a luxury hotel. Nonetheless, I can't help being deeply flattered. Here's the description:



Thursday July 9

THE BIKE SNOB RIDE

Col. Summers Park, SE 20th Ave and Belmont St Take Trimet
6:00pm

BikeSnobNYC says we'll use ANYthing as an excuse for a ride - and I think he's right, so if you have a bike that's too good for the masses, or if you ride a fixie, or are vegan, or if you just want to poke fun at BikeSnobNYC - here is your chance!

Tallbikes, freakbikes and fixies are strongly encouraged - bring your best bike, dress like a bike snob, and we'll turn our noses up at everyone else this Thursday!

Meet at 6pm at Colonel Summers Park (of course), and be ready to ride!

5-10 mile ride, not a loop, and we will likely end at a bar.



Also, there's a potential scheduling conflict, since any unicycle polo players will apparently have to rush from my ride (which starts at 6:00) to the unicycle polo match starting at 6:30:




UNICYCLE POLO

Alberta park, NE 20th Ave and Killingsworth St Take Trimet (Polo courts)

6:30pm, April 23, every Thursday

Unicycle Polo.

Where? When? 6:30pm [at] Alberta Park Just about EVERY thursday of the month (Keep your Glazzies peeled on the listserve for info {www.unicyclebastards.com/contact us). Mallets and balls are supplied by the bastards as long as appropriate alcoholic donations continue. however, we are always in need of skipoles and balls. Bring yer uni. bring yer 2x2s. bring yer triple antibiotic ointment.

prepare to breathe hard and sweat. unicycles, remember? not bikes. unis.

also, remember vandalism? not cool. never will be.



I think the fact that a bike blog-themed ride is overlapping with a unicycle polo match means either I've jumped the shark, or Portland has, or both. Nonetheless, I'm profoundly moved, and if you do participate in the ride be sure to fall while urinating to experience what it's really like being me.

Thanks, Portland!

159 comments:

Anonymous said...

no way.

Anonymous said...

yes way

wishiwasmerckx said...

3rd?

displacedcalifornian said...

now to read the post...

victory is sweet!

Anonymous said...

TOP TEN BIACHEZ!

Anonymous said...

nice job cnn, this is letleviride

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/more/07/07/tour.armstrong/index.html

mikeweb said...

I am a Gentleman Butterfly!

RC Toaster said...

top 10!

displacedcalifornian said...

errrr... just off the podium is sweet??

agent detroit said...

top ten, bitches! i'm on the comeback!

mike said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
newkid said...

top 10?

late stage syphillis yesterday was fantastic!

Surly Bastard said...

Missed the top ten by two hundreds of a second...

Surly Bastard said...

Missed the top ten by two hundreds of a second...

hillbilly said...

I like that it was cancelled on the next day. 5 -10 miles!!! whoa!

according to hincapie's twitter, ben stiller came on his bus. ew. that better have resulted in a fine.

veloben said...

Lame with excuses. Apologize to individuals not to groups use to be your rule. Now it's urine dodging, pannier fiddling self depreciation.

Not fun nor interesting.

Are you out of the chrysalis and flexing your butterfly wings?

newkid said...

so much for the top ten. guess i need to figure this stuff out. also botched syphilis spelling in my rush, hopefully i'm not coming down with late stage syphilis too.

mikeweb said...

Right hillbilly.

I guess the BikeSnob ride wasn't worthy of the coveted Friday or Saturday evening slot! Maybe next time...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Veloben,

Huh?

Mikeweb,

Thursday's even better than Friday--I like to consider it an upgrade.

--BSNYC

Anonymous said...

Top 20 - and I READ IT!!!

mikeweb said...

Try this.

I mean Lance is wearing a black and yellow aero helmet. How hard is that get right?

Anonymous said...

I think Cav was telling the cameraman he was looking at "Call me!" Not sure what he meant by the nipple thumb stroke. Probably an inside thing he shares with the cameraman...

Isolation Helmet said...

I was late for work this morning because I was watching the Lance Armstrong Tour of France on VS.

I really enjoyed that they profiled Lance in last nights coverage because I had never heard of him before.

mikeweb said...

Snob, I forgot: Thursday is the new Friday.

Anonymous said...

What's this you say? "Armstrong"? I'll have to Google that...

Anonymous said...

cav's bike is still crabon...

rezado said...

VANDALISM RULES

pdxsteve said...

I will go and take pictures for a free sticker.

Anonymous said...

Apparently Type I Diabetes is the new Shimano gruppo (minus headset and seatpost)...

hillbilly said...

mikeweb, i hadn't realized until reloading page, but congrats on grabbing a bit of podium, and wiwm - first! has to be a disappointing finish for ant1 after such a strong start to the week.

Mongo Pusher said...

Skil-Shimano !

Anonymous said...

between the relentless man-lactation references and the urine comments; you have effectively put me off my lunch.

oh yeah, forgot about the hairy muffin debacle.

red neckerson said...

if tom boonen had a feces drive would anyone here give a shit

Luck E. Seven said...

STR8 SHIT



A

Anonymous said...

I loved the way Lance put those lowly reporters in their places during his interview with Frankie Andreu. Such an asshole. He must have been in prickly state, because he was being interviewed by someone he hates and hates him. Remember Frankie exposing Lance with regards to doping a few years back. I can just hear these two saying "Fuck You",as soon as the filming is done each day!

Superconfex said...

The new Cyclingnews website is awful.

Just awful.

crimerider said...

i am not "from" portland, nor "of" portland, but i do live, ride and judge here in portland and have every intention of infiltrating the snobride on my trusty dental bike.

rightsaid kev said...

Keg-stands of ha8erade

Luck E. Seven said...

BLOW U_UP



A

Critical Ass said...

Local fixsters now have their own bar theme night in Denver, Trackstand Tuesdays. Apparently the fun involves chugging PBR on the dance floor while doing a trackstand. Besides, who else wants to go out on Tuesday nights?

Luck E. Seven said...

GETA LIFE



A

Kurt Vonnegut is King said...

Veloben,

You erred when you wrote "self depreciation".

I believe what you meant to write was "self defecation". That's what logically follows hairy muffin consumption.

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

This morning while waiting for the light to change at clinton and atlantic, a man on a fixie stops in front of me.. Before he has to put his feet down he starts circling on the corner of the sidewalk instead. Then when the light changes, he darts off, corduroys and all only to have me pass him seconds later when I switch gears.

My daily commute is terribly cliche.

CommieCanuck said...

Veloben...dude...put down the bong before typing.

Vershit now has an icon to display the location of Lance Armstrong at all times in the broadcast, and the distance remaining in miles ...and kilometers. How European.

Most US audiences think kilometers are devices used to measure war deaths on "Call of Duty".

"Hello...Tommy? This is Cav, just calling to ask how that Imodium I sent is working out for you, I'd talk in person, but you are SO FAR BACK I CAN'T SEE YOU."

Kellen said...

Cav was trying to get a bonus from his sponsor htc (http://www.htc.com/us/) by making a call on his fake smart phone. he shouldn't get any bonuses unless he manages to make it to Paris this year.

Prolly said...

Glad I could help with the Ortlieb man! Keep working on those bunnyhops.

Anonymous said...

Can't schluff on a fixed gear. We'll show you. We can only do lame tricks on a fixed gear and that doesn't stop us.

Anonymous said...

POLYDAC TYLISM

Wes said...

Damn. Too absorbed in the Jackson funeral.

Frank Dabek said...

Re:Cavendish: HTC is a phone company... I think he's just trying to get some extra press for his new sponsor (and failing apparently).

ant1 said...

anon 1:35 - nice!

samh said...

Snob, you used the word "to" instead of "too". Perhaps you prefer to mimic the grammar of the Craigslisters you so often jibe?

Anonymous said...

The "man missile" was calling up the Boonmeister for some party favo(u)rs.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Kellen and Frank Dabek,

Ah, that makes sense, thanks. Maybe when he does the phone thing they give him 500 free minutes.

--RTMS

Anonymous said...

It's a BikeSnob themed ride every day in NYC!!!

Leave it to Portland to co-opt yet more culture and add ketchup to it.

rezado said...

Kurt,

you shouldnt be eating that rotten thing if it makes your tummy upset. You think you would have learned by now. Even rats learn with repitition.

Niggerballs said...

Schweet balls!

mikeweb said...

I think what this little forum has been missing lately is some fender/wheelbrow chatter.

This morning heading up Smith/Jay St. when I got to Livingston, my nose hairs started burning. Sure enough, it was a gelatinous, stinking trail of Garbage Truck Juice(tm). As I rolled over this man-made slug trail of ooze, I was thankful for my full SKS 'fenguards'.

Oh yeah, since it looks to be a potentially wet ride home this afternoon, they should come in handy once again.

SkullKrusher said...

"--He's saying: "Who's on the phone? Losing? Sorry, I'm afraid you've got the wrong number. Cadel doesn't live here."

that is one of THE funniest things i have ever read on this here internet! thank you bike snob, i have now soiled my pantalones!

leroy said...

Well now, honestly, who says the internet has made us less civil?

That email about the Williamsburg mis-schluff mishegos is the type of missive that would have arrived via one's window attached to a brick in the pre-internet era.

Than goodness for technology.

And thank you for exposing the Manx Missle's secret weapon. He obviously keeps the junior racers at bay by distracting them with an adult themed head tube.

Anonymous said...

what does the fellow mean by str8?

is it code?

jolene said...

mark was callin me to come bump uglies up nere the portico later yeah im in yourup water you gonna do about it hes my man missle

Fred said...

All this bike racing terminology is so confusing. I thought a "Manx Missile" was a gay sex act. You know, like a "Golden Corral."

Anonymous said...

what a dumb mutha-fkr! str8??? he is a friggen dolt! a stupid dimwit pile!

hillbilly said...

um, man missle?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6d/Mark_Cavendish.jpg

SkullKrusher said...

hillbilly, i clicked that link and that man missile popped up. you just got me fired! way to go.

shmaltz herring said...

The Snob theme ride might be (slightly) more interesting had it been scheduled for a Wednesday.

grog said...

In honor of the BSNYC theme ride, I will schluff my entire Thursday commute.
SCHU LUFF

Seanywonton said...

Please forward to any Portlanders wondering how to dress like a Bikesnob for their theme ride:
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2009/04/bsnyc-product-review-vittoria-1976.html

I don't even want to know how many razors they are going to have to go through to shave their legs though....ouch!

Anonymous said...

What does "mutha-fkr!" mean?

Friggen like in the riggin?

is this some sort of Gilbert and Sullivan theme?

I am not "hip" with that "cool" stuff lads.

Dave! said...

Can you make chamois creme out of Cipollini’s man-lactations? Love the statue idea ... just trying to figure out a way to cash in on cycling stigmata. Rome has been making a profit from the Jesus kind for centuries, but in Tuscany they prefer white sauces to red.

sufferist said...

I will be holding another in a long series of the "BSNYC/RTMS Good Morning Downtown Commute Ride" tomorrow morning in the fair city of Tulsa, OK. Please ride along the west side of the river from 51st to the pedestrian bridge, then cross over the river, continue along the river trail to @ 21st street, cross over into the residential section and continue to your destination. As always, please do not acknowledge anyone else on this ride. This is a contemplative ride to prepare the soul for battle against the strong desire to sit on the couch (in whatever self-medicated state you wish, it will be a Wed. after-all) and watch TdF coverage on Versus all day. Morning commute ride to be followed by longer quasi-competitive (unless it's too hot) Wed. Night Ride starting at @5:30 at the River West Park.

Be there, or do something different...

Dear BSNYC-> Sadly we are without a budget to support the import of celebrities for our ride. Please do your own ride and post a photo of your personal celebration, if possible (I mean if you can focus on an image...).

pdxsteve said...

So I guess I have to actually post pictures before I get a sticker?

I like the aforementioned idea of a skirt, a pair of those 1976ers and some razor burn.

bikesgonewild said...

...hey, sk-hate-r...fuck you...you CAN schluff on a fixed gear & if you paid a10shun you'd get that shit str8...

...of course it makes you look moronic & ironic & like a singer sewing machine needle but it can be done...

...now, get off my lawn, kid...

jessica said...

haha snob ride
everyone kind of mills about
no eye contact
lots of ironic orange julius bikes
riding away ununanimously and in different directions
strangely they all home in to the same bagel schop

i think portland was being very considerate of the sabbath when schedualing the ride

Anonymous said...

If you go to the Nike chalkbot ( http://www.nike.com/nikeos/p/livestrong/en_US/chalk_messages ) and try to type in a message containing the work "sweatshop" it throws an error that says "The message you entered does not meet our profanity guidelines. Please try another."

Anonymous said...

chalkbot ate my balls

http://photos-d.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs155.snc1/5773_117366547639_697302639_2834867_7930586_n.jpg

Anonymous said...

RE Mikeweb... I dispute your Garbage Juice tm claim. The term is traditional. Fenguards all day!

Rantwick said...

I think Portland should move the Bike Snob ride to Wednesday. Tall bikes, freak bikes, fixies and the Wednesday Weed... that would show RTMS what Portland is really all about...

agent detroit said...

in detroit "every day is like wednesday" (sung to the tune of 'every day is like sunday' by morrissey)

Wes said...

SkullKrusher

When you get home, check out Cleveland Steamer.

yogisurf said...

What’s that Williamsburg dude’s issue? No one ever called you ‘Bikeinfo100%rightallofthetime’. And I haven’t seen your name on any lines except for the 6pm line on July 9th. Speaking of which, we’ll never know who attended since everyone will be dressed anonymous. So Williamsburg dude, don’t blow up the spot, point your Man Missile elsewhere.

Fritz said...

what no mention of the jul 6 post at

metafilter regarding the BikeSnobNYC ???

Anonymous said...

dont forget to schluff portland.

bikesgonewild said...

...i think portlanders should do an ironic orange julius bike ride...

...a 1st group starts in one location carrying frozen orange juice concentrate...
...a 2nd group starts in another location carrying whole milk...
...& a 3rd group carrying fresh eggs starts in yet still another location...

...they ride & meet in a central location, preferably a big roundabout which they all circle faster n' faster until they all collapse in a frothy joyful mix of delicious goodness...

...hey, just suggestin'...

Andy said...

Curse the luck, I won't be able to leave work in time to get to the BikeSnob ride on the other side of town with my fixie. It's just as well, I suppose. I don't have any women's jeans, and my wife's jeans might actually fit me (which would obviously rule them out as appropriate hipster apparel).

Anonymous said...

str8 is the new gay...

Anonymous said...

BGW, I think to make it truly ironic, they could all ride together with those items and then just go back home without getting all frothy and delicious...

Newsman: "Tonight a group of 43 cyclists got together each carrying enough ingredients to make Portland's biggest Orange Julius to date. Ironically, they all just rode around and then went home."

I like the shades of Sambo though...

hillbilly said...

I've just discovered that my workplace has free beer on Mon, Wed and Friday. I've worked here for 2 yrs without knowing this. I like beer. a lot.

Anonymous said...

First, are you aware that it is Tuesday? Second, are they hiring?

mikeweb said...

hillbilly:

Are they hiring? I can work part-time on the aforementioned days.

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 3:30pm...ya...i forgot that being a vegan is a prerequisite if yer gonna be a potland, whoops, portland hipster...

...oh well...there goes the team time trial of frothy flavor...

Anonymous said...

I not understand all this ball talk.

Is it concerning the unicycle polo?

mikeweb said...

BGW, I saw a TTT of frothy flavor on TV today.

Laura said...

According to the trustworthy and unflappable Phil and Paul it is Manx Missile, not Man Missile. It's a British/Gaellic thing, and possibly a sex act.
Btw, we're eating pig in honor of the Tour, Portland and bikes.
www.fredlifton.com/musette

mikeweb said...

Isn't a Manx a type of house cat?

Just sayin'...

hillbilly said...

i'm sure they will be hiring after i refuse to leave their faculty club with the free bar. and it has a pool table!!

mikeweb said...

hillbilly, as long as you don't drink directly out of the tap, I don't think they can legally fire you.

Anonymous said...

Gaellic, Phaellic, meh...

CommieCanuck said...

I thought Manx was a type of Norton motorcycle.

I'm never going teabagging at the Golden Corral Again.

And I though dogging was what you did when you went for a walk with your dog.

So naive.

Anonymous said...

In all seriousness, Cavendish is from the Isle of Man. Residents of the Isle of Man are referred to as "Manx". The cats are from there too...

CommieCanuck said...

Awesome Manx

Manx cats are tail less. Mark Cavendish does not have a tail either.

CommieCanuck said...

and just to confuse further, Astana's Treks use frames with Kamm tails.

Anonymous said...

That motorcycle seems to also not have a tail. Small world!

bikesgonewild said...

...hey...don't get all excited but that beautiful norton manx has a featherbed frame...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

i thought cavendish was doing the sprinkler... with his own nipple milk.

mikeweb said...

cc, I prefer the Vincent Black Shadow, purely for literary reasons.

Anonymous said...

Time to retire to the beanbag in the cozy spot to test out man-lactation and tail-schluffing.

Fierce Panties OMFG said...

Yo FreEk--I wuzvt even in b-burg to fix-n-2-schluff nite git it rite "Snobesque"
and anotha thing my stem wuznt "NOT" higher then my seat an if u wuz even a "S-NOB" BAM! u don't even no whatzup.
If you think my stem wuz tha way then all I havtu say is "SQUAUZK"

CommieCanuck said...

oh sure, the VBS has the literary edge, but for simpatico, Italians just do it better.

Fierce Peritoneum said...

mikeweb

I checked the link and it opened to a belt wearing baseball player whose helmet read "COK"

Anonymous said...

Someone should inform the Williamsburg skater/critic that substituting "sk8ter" and "str8" are not, in fact, words. What, is it really all THAT diffcult to type "at" and "aight?"

Let's just hope he never m8s. Those genes should end with him.

Anonymous said...

I prefer the Vincent Black Lightning because Nortons wont' do and red hair and black leather is my favorite color scheme; I'd want to slap some lime green Deep Vs on it though.

All you you haters suck my Ariels.

Wes said...

Brough Superior for me. Bulletproof. And fierce.

bikesgonewild said...

...wes...hey brough, don't get all superior on our asses...

...just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

"Brough Superior for me."

It takes a certain amount of balls to state that in a cycling forum.

We call your sort "roadkill."

Luck E. Seven said...

I'm with the VBS factory team, here for the Mint 400.

Bullshit.



A

Black Dickerson said...

BSNYC,

Your emailer was a class act: "your dead wrong" instead of "you're dead wrong," and "to seconds" instead of "two seconds."

I'm sure he's not making an idle threat: he'd use his own lips to blow up your spot.

Anonymous said...

“And it’s 17-percent stiffer in laterally. By maintaining the width we get a much stiffer tube than you would with a traditional airfoil.”

ken e. said...

Luck E.
yesterday's "dope" comment ruled.

all you haters try adjusting my impossible italian valve-train!

16VA LVES

Wes said...

Anonymous 5:36

Who is we? Kinda tricky to tell when you'll (copyright Ant1) won't use a name.

As for the bike chat, I was just hopping on the bandwagon as Norton and Vincent had already been taken.

BGW

There is a time and a place for bike snobbery and I have found it. We all have. Apart from the anonymous haters.

Go Cav.

Anonymous said...

DSMO DRNC

Anonymous said...

@ Wes

"Who is we?"

We who lurk over the brow of the hill and punt Brough Superiors into the hedgerow.

"Kinda tricky to tell when you'll (copyright Ant1) won't use a name."

You can call me "Ray, but'cha doesn't have ta call me "Johnson."

Does that make it all clear now?

Anonymous said...

the str8 is a completely moronic way of writing the word "straight" consonants and vowels are what language is written with. Mutha-fkr!

PhilboydStunge said...

Snobby, don't you worry about being wrong, being outsmarted by a pannier, about biting into a hairy muffin, or about being called out by some skater. You're not wrong until YOU say you are. Panniers are smarter than they look. (not worrying about hairy muffin speaks for itself) Who cares what that skater says? AYSSMB!

You do need to worry about slipping on wet leaves and falling headlong into your own urine though. That stuff is bad.

Headlongintomyownurine said...

Yeah, Philboyd is right. I worry about that slipping stuff all the time.

Anonymous said...

Hey A.C. Sk8ter, you missed some:

First of all you should get your bike shit str8. I was out there on Williamsburg Walk during go [sk8] day. And the dude that you saw "Schluffing" on fixed gear was actually not riding a fixed gear in the first place. If you took to seconds to look you would notice that on a fixed gear you can not schluff with out the peddles rotating. Be str8 with you I [sk8board] but I even know that and I am no bike Snob. So before you post something get your shit str8 or next time someone will blow your spot up "BikeSnob"

Anonymous said...

I decided to be the opposite of a bike snob, but only for one day because it takes too much effort to be nice.
I was riding through the suburbs of my lovely town in Kingston, Ontario after my ride. I was riding my road bike with my Castelli kit on so I, of course, was stylin'. I saw a young rider on a unicycle and decided that I would smile and wave at him because he is a sort of cyclist. I was shocked when he gave me the same derisive look the guys on Looks give me(I love how they have a Look and a certain look, no wave included).
Is there some sub culture of unicyclists out there that think they're better than me?

belmont sledgehammer said...

I don't know if it could be considered a victory salute or not (since I don't think he was even in contention) but I remember a few years ago, I believe it was Robbie McEwan, riding a wheelie through the finish line at one of the TDF time trial stages. Thought it was a pretty funny gesture on his part, and perhaps his way of turning his nose down at the rest of the field that were so uptight about it all.

theshepherdsdog said...

damn what an honor, i think?

Luck E. Seven said...

Thanks ken e. Heng dai.

Alfa or Fiat?



A

wishiwasmerckx said...

Comment of the day:
Phil Liggett:"Big Tom Boonen just found out that he has had diarrea for the past two days..."
WTF?

ken e. said...

Luck E.

honda cbx550... ruled.

(except for endless tuning issues)

Anonymous said...

"It's also worthwhile to note that he's thumbing his nipple."

I think you'll find pro cyclists have their nipples removed to cut down on drag and improve aerodynamics.

mikeweb said...

Explanation for Boonen's diarrhea:

Everyone knows that Cocaine is often cut with baby laxative.

sufferist said...

Hello-

Just to let you all know the podium results after the "BSNYC/RTMS Good Morning Downtown Commute Ride" Midwest version.

1.) Me

2.) that guy ( I imagine him as a hairdresser at a local salon) who walks his diminutive pooch. He is usually traveling in the opposite direction, but still, I know that given a chance he'd cut me down.

3.) the lady that I saw at the start of my long push down the straightway parallel to the river trail. (I smoked her...this is one of the advantages of an imaginary race.)

This morning was really a team effort and I'd like to thank my competitors for making such a wonderful challenge, but in the end, I had the legs today. Go me....

CommieCanuck said...

oh my god..I've had diarrhea all week and no one told me.

sufferist said...

Commie-

That can be tricky to diagnose, luckily Boonen had a professional like Dr. Phil to help out. Those elite athletes get the best of care out there...

Anonymous said...

im in italy and its hot and no one wants to ride a bike

sufferist said...

In the middle of the US and we ride when it's 100+ degrees...Check out the Texas Hotter Than Hell ride at http://www.hh100.org/. Now get off your Italian (native or just visiting) butt, have a gelatto and get in the mix!

Luck E. Seven said...

ken e.-

At 572 cc, your air-cooled 4 cyl with manual trans puts you well in compliance with Snob's would-be vehicular mandate.

Sweet ride!


A

frilly said...

Beg to differ CC. Cav's got a tail, a fine looking tail at that.

Anonymous said...

I think that "dead wrong" should get his English language "shit str8" before he decides to put any more of his thoughts on paper. I know he's a sk8'r and all, but learning the language could be the key to his involvement in a sk8 deck collabo.

Anonymous said...

some more victory salutes here at this other blog

http://www.cyclingtipsblog.com/2009/02/victory-salute-like-a-pro/

Matt Picio said...

The ride got scheduled on Thursday because I have to go the Seattle tomorrow for StP.
http://www.cascade.org/eandr/STP/

Hard to lead a ride if you're on a bus out of town. Perhaps safer, though.

bikesgonewild, that's a great idea - we already have a pedal-powered smoothie machine in Portland, and it would be awesome to have a 3-way pilgrimmage of ingredients from the 3 main co-ops in Portland (People's, Alberta St. and Food Front) to a secret, undisclosed location to make Orange Juliuses - uh... Julii. In fact, I think you've hit on my next ride for sometime in August. Thanks for the awesome idea!

BikeSnobNYC, Portland jumped the shark long ago, but it's ok - we did it on bikes, and had a lot of fun, and we'll probably do it again, but with a twist, because otherwise it just gets boring.

I will be leading tonight's Bike Snob ride in a suit, because I can, and because I really don't care about style or trends - they're overrated, and besides, I look good in a suit.

I sent you an invite, BikeSnobNYC - first-class mail, didn't you get it? Not sure they'll let you on the plane, though, unless your ID says "Bike Snob" as your name.

Maybe I should get a refund on those plane tickets...

William Seville said...

(I'd link to the relevant Cyclingnews page but their new site is even more confusing than my pannier.)

Doesn't the new layout just stink. Makes Pez look good!

Didn't take the new owners long to f*ck it up, did it?

Yours, seeking a new bike news site

K-Ro said...

Snobby - That Maxwell Ben Watt remix from a few years ago is great, I'm sure you've heard it.

I appreciated that the BikeSnob Portland ride was either 5-10 miles, thank God there's an option to bail early if I can't go the full ten,

Drew said...

I accidentally came across the Portland Bike Snob ride on my way home from work. I fear that Oregon's unemployment rate is playing a part in exacerbating these fruitless, kitsch, self-indulgent "bike rides". I can't help but point out that the ride distance was probably limited because 90% of the riders will have an insulin crash once they pass there maximum commute mileage.

I had better things to do like practice masturbating while cutting on myself drinking vinegar.

Matt Picio said...

No chance of that Drew - I was making kitschy rides long before this one. Besides the Bike Snob Ride, I also did:

1. The PUNishment Ride
2. The Worthy Issues Ride
3. The Ridiculously Early Donut Ride
4. The MUPpet Ride (a Muppet themed ride on Multi-Use Paths)

and I'll be leading the Browncoat Ride in September (Firefly, or course)

I also run a bike camping nonprofit called Cycle Wild:
http://www.cyclewild.org

and I'm gainfully employed - at least for now.

Matt Picio said...

Oh, and my maximum commute distance is 40 miles per day, and over a hill.

Distance was limited because we needed time to drink at the bar.

It was a good ride - we passed through Hawthorne, Belmont, 28th, Broadway and Mississippi on the main roads, taking the lane. It was great.

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