Further to yesterday's post, I must say that one of the best parts about reviewing a Dutch city bike (or at least a designer interpretation of a Dutch city bike) is that one is automatically exempted from using the terms that are otherwise mandatory in bike reviews. These terms include: hoops, stoppers, clampers, rubber, and skins. (Incidentally, in S&M circles those things plus a bottle of wine equal a romantic evening.) Furthermore, one is also exempted from citing the bike's lateral stiffness and vertical compliance, as well as referring almost sensually to the "beefiness" of the bottom bracket, as epitomized in the famous Neuvation video.
However, if you found yourself missing any of these things, perhaps this video will help tide you over until the next James Huang review "drops:"
That must be the new BB30 standard everybody's talking about.
But while I have no idea to whom the above bottom bracket belongs, I can say with assurance that it is not attached to a hipster, since hipsters tend towards the small and diminutive. (You could smother at least three hipsters to death with that posterior.) And speaking of hipsters, there is a brief interview with me in the current issue of "The Fader," which can probably best be described as a "hipster" magazine:
In my defense, I was drinking during the interview, and unlike Tom Boonen who blacks out and has "indirect contact" with cocaine when he drinks, I just say boring things to hipster magazines. Also, there's a photo of me or else someone purporting to be me doing some kind of contrived urban cyclocross maneuver. Hey, that shark's not going to jump itself. However, I will deny any accusations that I did it "for the hipster pussy," unlike this person:
That said, if I was motivated by "hipster pussy," this interview could only help, since one day maybe I'll get invited to a party thrown by "The Fader." In addition to a number of articles about various bands and rappers, the current issue contains images from one of these parties, which from the looks of it was not lacking in the Impassioned Hipster Dancing department:
Also, it appears as though furry cossack hats may be the new flat-brim fitted caps, and patterned cashmere mufflers may be the new keffiyeh. It's a good thing the woman from the BB30 bottom bracket video wasn't there, though. I have a feeling nobody would have made it out of there alive.
Of course, the fact is that even if I did attend one of these Impassioned Hipster Dancing parties, I probably wouldn't have much to talk to people about, since from the looks of the crowd they probably aren't conversant in the relative merits of the various bottom bracket standards, and they'd probably be quite bored by my thoughs on them. (Though the one person who rode a fixie to the party would probably say "square taper FTW!" at some point.) Really, the best I could do would be to refer knowingly to some of the bands on this "mix tape," which was sent to me by Barry Wicks:
Wicks actually sent me a first "mix tape" back in March, and I was extremely grateful to receive another one. Even better, in addition to providing me with Impassioned Hipster Dancing party small-talk, he also provided me with an ironic t-shirt to wear. Behold:
Yes, that's Barry Wicks with an Afro making karate-love to a flower. I can't help suspecting that Barry Wicks may be about to "drop" an energy drink, because I'm sure a beverage called "Wicknasty" with this image on the can would fly out of the bodega refrigerators. So I'd like to extend a sincere thank-you to Barry Wicks for the excellent hipster party survival kit, and if any of you wind up at an Impassioned Hipster Dancing party and see someone standing in the corner wearing a "Wicknasty" t-shirt and making awkward chit-chat about bottom brackets, come by and say "hello" because it's almost certainly me, and I'll almost certainly be really uncomfortable.
Speaking of comfort, I recently stumbled upon some photos of actress Famke Jansen looking a bit too comfortable on a Dutch city bike:
If yesterday's review inspired you to join the legions of people already happily palping Dutch city bikes, look no further than this pictorial for a guide to how to ride one properly. Yes, in a certain way the Dutch city bike is the SUV of bicycles--it's a little too big, it creates the illusion of safety, and nobody pays any attention when they're operating one.
Still, a Dutch city bike is downright stealthy when compared to a recumbent:
9:30pm, 2nd ave Brunnette on Bike 35th st to 10th(?) st. - m4w (East Village)
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2009-06-24, 11:26PM EDT
Hi--
I realize the chances of you seeing this are slim, slim, slim...but just in case lightning strikes---
We were riding bikes near each other down Second Avenue tonight. You have brown hair and brown eyes. Were wearing a white helmet and blue jeans and riding a blue 10 or 12 speed semi-vintage type of bike. I was on the recumbent.
You turned onto second Ave around 36th street (and narrowly avoided a cab at 35th street!) and then rode down Second before turning left on 10th street (?) or so.
I was totally struck by your looks (and liked the way you ride) and was hoping there would be a good opening to say hi... Hard of course as we were both kind of racing down the street, but... if you happen to see this, I'd love to race you to a coffee sometime!
Then again, a recumbent is stealthy in its own way, since the rider can prowl around the city safely below eye level like a U-boat of dorkitude. Even this post is stealthy--notice how he just slipped in the fact that he was on a recumbent in the same way that you'd gloss over the fact that you're already married or you have an STD. We've seen recumbent riders on the make before, and it wouldn't surprise me if the city is teeming with them. Nor would I be surprised to learn that some of them are equipped with crotchal periscopes in the hopes of encountering Famke Jansen or oversized bottom brackets. Maybe we'll see a RANS recumbent x U.S. Submarines "collabo" in the near future.
In the meantime, though, we'll have to make due with more fixed-gear "collabos." Here's one in the P.K. Ripper "colo[u]rway:"
Yes, heads will turn and bars will spin when you make the scene on your ironic nostalgia machine. Just top it off with a "Comeplaypolo" t-shirt and you'll be a shotgun blast of cycling references. Is "warmed over" a colorway?
Regardless, it seems as though people aren't going to tire of "collabos" (or "collabia," which is technically the plural form of "collabo") and limited editon colourways anytime soon. Even Tweeting celebrity Dennis Hopper is getting in on the act:
It looks like we'll have to wait a little longer for the Hopper x Krylon dayglo pussy "collabo" to drop, since Dennis Hopper seems to be wandering around his house in his underpants (he doesn't say that but with Hopper it's just assumed), rattling a spraypaint can and cooing, "Here, kittykittykitty!" He probably shouldn't have Tweeted about it, though, since now PETA's liable to join the collabo too.
But I'm sure he means well. He's only doing it for the hipster pussy.
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142 comments:
BRAINS1st!
yessss!
Hello!
and by yes i meant no
Oh
Heb je geen paard, gebruik dan een ezel
donkey
top 10
Bored by your thoughs?
Just missed it
Tough pack these days. Average race speeds what they are a breakaway's just impossible.
colorways, palping, slay, "oversize bottom bracket"?!
damn son, we need a BSNYCionary ;)
Mmmmm... crotchal ventilation.
A
Nevermind anquetil went twice....I'm in
Anyone else notice how much Miley Cyrus' new song sucks ass? I wish I was in control of the radio in the office.
U-Boat of dorkiness... brilliant...
And I agree w/the need for a dictionary... the sad irony of this blog is that to truly appreciate it you have to be pretty deep into the scene, which in itself is worth being made fun of
Those old beefy Landing Gear BMX forks were NOT vertically compliment.
way to go anquetil's ma, always my favorite
um, " my thoughs on them", which I initially read as my thighs on them.
bad news- those bands are all passe by now, as is evidenced by most of them being mentioned on lance's twitter already (usually being listened to while being massaged)
I'm sure many of you have already seen this, but it's pretty hillarious...
http://www.astana-cyclingteam.com/
Kloden pops up like he's about to sell you a gold watch
Anon 1:12, 1:22
In what? You should have paid more attention to the count on sesame street.
COUN T123
AH HU HU HU HU
Barry Wicks has good taste in music.
"only doing it for hipster pussy" ?! gross but furthermore, why???!! they're so lame!
bsnyc I'd totally talk to you at one of those parties if I attended those parties too but gladly I don't so instead i'll find you on the manhattan bridge!
Mmm, beefy
...like a U-boat of dorkitude...
First laugh of the day. Thanks for that.
For those not in the know,
http://bsexplanation.blogspot.com/
Educate yourselves.
Hopper!! Yeahh, Maaannn!!!
to get proper crotchal ventilation, that setup must be rubbed without undergarments
COMPACT CUNT BIG BUTT
" A recumbent is stealthy in its own way, since the rider can prowl around the city safely below eye level like a U-boat of dorkitude."
One of your all time classic lines snobby - Rack it!
I prefer, "Das Boot of Dorkitude".
another day, another solid post, and another spate of banal, empty comments...woot! woot!
Is there any reason to ride a recumbant in the city except to look up at derriers or up skirts? Big risks for small thrills
Is there any reason to ride a recumbant in the city except to look up at derriers or up skirts?
Have you SEEN a typical male recumbent rider? That's the closest they will ever get to sex.
Hey, Anon 1:24, You are onto the great secret of the Snob. Just who is it that is being made fun of around here .... Hmmm .... Some part time CD art designer who figures lime green rims will get him some hipster pussy, or the people who think they know something he doesn't?
Didja see Burn After Reading? "Hah, that guy's so dumb he thinks my bike is a Schwinn!"
The BSNYC reader not only knows that it isn't a Schwinn, but who collabo'd on the colorway. And then mocks the guy who didn't know better than to put it on his mastercard.
Yes, we have fallen through the rabbit hole of perpetual irony.
I'm surprised you saw me at all. You rode like mad to get away from me, and finally you did! Next time you'll be mine forever.
in flagrante recumbo, adv.
1. in the very state of recumbent repose.
2. any dignity-challenged lounge chair peddlers in the act of dating desperation as played out on CL's Missed Connections.
3. any low-riding lothario on the move.
A
Marriage ... the new STD!!!
Actually, they call it STI nowadays, as in Sexually Transmitted Infection.
I'm contemplating creating a ride called STI (in the vain of STP, or Seattle to Portland), it would be a charity ride from Seattle to ???? I can't come up with any city besides Ithaca.
Any suggestions?
balls.
"U-boat of dorkiness"... now, in my head, I'm hearing the theme from "Jaws" being played on a kazoo.
Thanks, just what I needed today.
Urban Cyclo-cross? For shame.
DISA PNTD
Could anyone find the interview with Fader?
This blog is aerodynamic where it counts but resilient where it has to be.
You must by the magazine itself to get the interview. No free lunch!
Rightsaid Kev,
I know, sorry. I would have attempted some fixed-gear freestyling but it's hard to barspin a geared bike with fenders.
--BSNYC
Or just wait a month for the new issue to come out and download the pdf. You want free? Just be patient.
In it for the OPP....
FTW means fuck the world, not for the win.
White person's overbite!
Boom Shanka.
Square taper, FUCK THE WORLD.
1" threaded, I HATE MYSELF AND I WANT TO DIE.
Tubulars, KILL WHITEY!
I will read it in the checkout line will buying groceries tonight FTW.
Snob, I hate to say it, but I suspect 'stumbling upon' those photos is your way of saying you've been stalking Ms. Janssen. Which would also explain the shot of your so-called accomplice yesterday.
snobberazzi
You down wit' HPP?
Yeah you know me!
(Hipster People Pussy)
I rarely peruse these pages as I tend to agree with yesterday's criticism of the comments section.
Podium spots? Who cares. Further, I don't know if anything could induce more cringes than what was posted about bikesnob's accomplice in yesterdays comments.
For the most part this is the domain of the lickspittle. I am reminded of what a friend once said after attending a Roland Alphonso concert: "great music, terrible audience."
Anonymous 2:05pm,
If I understand correctly, if you ride a shovelhead, it means "Fuck the World." If you ride a track bike with risers it means "For the Win."
--BSNYC
Famke is cute and all but she's built like a young boy just starting hormone treatment.
Although my pk ripper was stolen in 86' I am still insulted by this collabo.
Hipster "boney ass, dry and crusty 95lb,can you lend me a few dollars" pussy, do you really need a gimmick to get some?
anon 2:09
Then why are you still hanging around the lobby after the show's over?
Dear Lenny,
What crank lengths are best for that over-sized bottom bracket?
Does this over-sized bottom bracket need special cups?
Should I ream and face this over-sized bottom bracket before installing my cranks?
--confused in Canadia.
(snicker)
Anon 2:09 way to drop the Roland Alphonso reference, if you'll be on your way I'd like to get back to my drivel.
Thanks.....
Famke is cute and all but she's built like a young boy just starting hormone treatment.
or, this.
Anon 2:09,
I guess by "rarely", you mean two days in a row.
I recognize you by your implied "peace-out". I knew you couldn't stay away.
What is it with the Anons lately?
"I am bored with your writing. I will make an obscure reference to show my obvious intelligence. I will complain about HAVING to read 200 comments and how lame they are."
And, yet, here you still are.
Anon 2:09, I keep hitting myself in the head with this hammer, it hurts quite a bit, can you help, oooohhhh..., there it goes again, please before it strikes again....
Thanks.....
(Or peace-out, or whatever it is that the pseudo-intellectuals are using as a closing salutation)
Yes, annonymous 2:09, you are ruining it for everybody. Don't you understand how profoundly humerous it is to write "White man's overbite!" as a blog comment? Don't you see how droll it is to compare a woman's bottom to a bike's bottom bracket? Don't you just die when some urban man poses as "pore" illiterate Jolene? Get with the program or get lost. Conform, dammit!
"the relative merits of the various bottom bracket standards"
The industry in a nutshell.
I can't help but notice that the Rans Citi has that nice relaxed geometry of a Dutch City Bike.
http://www.ransbikes.com/Citi09.htm
And as advertised, "they climb so well." Right into the back of a pick-up.
finger the winner
whoa, whoa, whoa!!
Jolene's a dude?
I gotta go...
I love Alfonso Ribeiro! That guy was hilarious on The Frsh Prince!
...it's a long, dimly lighted hallway, gently sloping downward off into a fading distance...
...i'm on rollerskates again & as usual i'm not wearing any pants...
...the woman w/ the over-sized bottom bracket & that narrow belted waist is strutting down the hallway on her high heeled boots...
...in the background i hear jungle drums & she's taunting me w/ her motion, boom, chaka boom, chaka boom, chaka boom, only inches in front of me...
...ohhh, god...i'm getting closer & closer...i'm almost there...it's a collabia just waiting to happen !!!...if...i...can...just...
...& then i wake up, at that same point every time, doctor freud...what does it all mean...do you think this makes me a bad person, doctor ???...
...i mean, just wonderin'...
It just means that you are gay, BGW. Not that there is anything wrong with that...
Wow...I'm being hassled.
...anon 2:32pm...i guess if that where yer at, then that's what you'd think...
...just guessin'...
This is the hater podium. Anon 2:38.
Damn Your Eyes!
donkey
I find that I can obtain proper crotchal ventilation by palping my invisible pants in the latest colorways.
Be assured, I am not annonymous 2:09, but I like the cut of his or her jib.
BGW bristles at gay implication! Story at 11:00!
...Anonymous said...
"BGW bristles at gay implication!"...
...i guarantee you, i do NOT have a moustache...
...just sayin'...
STI - Seattle to Issaquah?
Short charity ride.
Commie,
Make sure you use ample spacers on your bb30 compatible cranks to avoid heel rub and subsequent chafing.
Sincerly,
Lenny
I think bitter anon's should be treated like streakers at a baseball game, completely ignored.
or throw beer on em/hit em with a battery...i don't know, i'm torn.
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.
Kurt Vonnegut
What is gordo still doing here and what the fuck is a jib?
bs,
you are just baiting me, aren't you.
adding a 'u'... indeed.
cheers,
m in boulder
ps am sending you all eighty-seven volumes of the full, hard-copy oed for your b'day.
What everyone else said.
Still, I have my own ideas about those legs yesterday, and they were nice.
mmmm beer...
Sailor... not that there is anything wrong with that.
ahh, that's Gte's problem, he thought this was "boatsnobNYC"
Like the celebrity shown I saw a young lady biking across the brooklyn bridge this morning in a dress. it was ballooning so largely that it had to be slowing her down like a parachute. did not look back to see her from the other direction. i thought that would be rude.
The "I" cities of Oklahoma:
Idabel
Indiahoma
Indianola
Inola
Take your pick. I'm sure they would love to see you. Make sure to wear your favorite commie emblem jersey.
Notwithstanding that I have a tramp stamp tattoo of a recumbent bicycle, I find the diversity of opinion and the level of wit expressed in these comments consistently refreshing.
Dennis Hopper will more than likely be huffing paint while he taggs his kitty, just like in "Blue Velvet". although I think that was Ether or N2O.
I know that there is more than one way to skin a cat but is there more than one way to cut a jib.
We should talk about knots and the many ways to tie them.
WTYM
"a U-boat of dorkitude" = Genius
Anyone else get fluffage for the oversized bottom bracket gal?
I've had enough of this sheet. You're making me luff.
I said knots. No more talk of sails.
Is fluffage a sailling term?
I think that to do a Google search on fluffage would qualify as NSFW.
If Mavic really wants to put their spokes to the test, they should fire the Diminutive Frenchman and hire the Oversized Bottom Bracket.
It's unfortunate that they "were both kind of racing down the street..."
Not unlike Pepe Le Pew and the scared female cat?
Robert H - I thought of that one, but that would only get me away from reality for a day, at most.
Sufferist - All good suggestions, including the commie comment. I've spent some time near Norman, OK, Ft. Sill actually. Yeah, folks in them parts tend to take the term "patriotic" pretty seriously. I'd never make it out alive! Although it would get me away from reality for more than a day....
ant101st!
Oh shit, I am not anonymous. Lo siento.
Diminutive Mavic Frenchman demonstrates proper use of new over-sized BB design.
I'm waiting for the new BBW standard, Seen here in prototype testing.
I rub a Lo Siento recumbent and it is very nice. I got the Lo Siento Mucho.
I've known Roland Alphonso for a long time and for what the fuck it's worth he's a real douchebag ...
So much 'anon' hate these days. I think it's heat. Just like all the stupid drivers this week in small penis sports cars are on my ass leaning on the horn and screaming shit through their tiny little vent-holes. Now if I had a faux Dutch City to ride around the faux Dutch City I live in at the next red light I could just drag that POS across the hood of the:
a) Corvette
b) Jaguar
c) Miyata
d) Roland Alphonso Sports Coupe
... following me and teach the driver a valuable lesson in "Sharing The Road."
more dennis hopper.
Anon 3:56, If Herr Einstein taught us anything, it is that reality is relative to the observer.
I mean that you (and I) are considered freaks in some circles.
I think that all ideological positions are relative, that's what I believe, it's the absolute truth, I'll defend it to the death if necessary.
BTW, not my death....Thanks....
mmmmmm, i'm 'bout to palp some microwave popcorn in this sick new yellow-white colorway
that comeplaypolo makes my penis soft!
"What's yer name, BB30, what's yer name?"
kids need to stop practicing backwards trackwheelies and practice how to play their dang guitars before they start these "bands". I listened to some of that mix, thats pretty flaccid stuff. meh.
Dennis Hopperanimal themed Collabos already done: Collaborations
In the Gorillaz album Demon Days, Dennis Hopper was the narrator of the song/story "Fire Coming out of the Monkey's Head."
--wikipedia
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dennis_Hopper)
that poor cat...
http://wickhamsbiking.blogspot.com
What a small world we live in! There appears to have been an RTMS / Dennis Hopper collabo of sorts.
michael jackson reported dead at 50. whoa.
Today's post reeked of the machismo of bike culture with all the talk of big butts and pussy.
RIP Fawccet.
Rucksack sad.
jolenes more man than yoll ever be and more woman than yoll ever get
fuck you
No one listens to Matt & Kim, and all those bands suck. No one is metal enough.
"notice how he just slipped in the fact that he was on a recumbent in the same way that you'd gloss over the fact that you're already married or you have an STD."
Ahh - another snob gem. Love it.
Have sex with birds.
Make love to Jenny.
Hipster pooskii.
As satisfying as any.
It seems as though the annual "Have you heard of that blog Bikesnobnyc" recruitment has begun. Happens between early to late summer as fledgling cyclists begin to palp their whips.
It starts as "what have u got against other peoples bikes - jeez cant someone just enjoy theirselves" and moves onto "what a bunch of dicks - get a life and stop podiuming its stupid" to eventually "ant1st!" and on special occasions - starting a popular 700cmx blog of their own.
It's science, motherfucker!
And I almost forgot,
RIP, MJ.
Hillbilly, you were on top of that, quick...
check this, kinda funny...
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bike+salmon
Another epic post...
Apparently Einstein didn't teach us anything.
JEAN GREY
I sent Snob a mix tape. It had one song on it -- Cameo's "Word Up."
funny bizarre angry post, must be the mourning of MJ....
ant1st!
Sorry for the delay guys, I did not go to work yesterday.
And speaking of MJ, our trivia team name was the Jackson 4 last night.
Yo. Just wanted to let you know I enjoy your blog enough said. I'd like to send you a tshirt I am currently printing up. I think you would enjoy it it's just one of those things I though of on my daily bike commute. I should have them in about a week. Could you please email me at hooples3@aol.com with you tshirt size and where I can send it too? That is if you want it.
Thanks, George
In the photo of the two hipters dancing you forgot to mention the tell tale sign of the impassioned hipster dance, the caucasian overbite.
The dancing hipster on the right is Amy Winehouse before she discovered drugs. Either that or they force-fed her in rehab. No-No-Mmphg.
Is this fixie heaven?
http://www.muslauf.si/2009/06/hydroelectric-power-station-avce-fixed.html
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! Was yesterday the day for famous white women to die or what?!?!
i think i just peed my pants from laughing...just a little
"like a U-boat of dorkitude."
ya know.... when i wasn't going fast downhill on the car pavement, that's pretty much how i felt on a recumbent. god forbid a curb, let alone a large depression or crack in the pavement, come within ten feet of my bike, because i would be paralyzed with fear of a leg-scraping knee-cracking mass trauma. there is no 'fall and roll', its 'slip and grate'... as in cheese.
thank god i sold that death trap.
and thank god you make fun of them (even if it is for silly reasons)
Here is a new word for ya 'collab' this is the short form of Collaboration. Your Well off with this collabo shit...
توبيكات | شات صوتي |
شات كتابي |
منتدى دلعهم |
جوري الكويت |
مركز تحميل |
رفع ملفات | جوري كام |
اغاني |
مقاطع فيديو |
دليل مواقع |
قصائد شعرية
U-boat of dorkitude
such a fitting description of a recumbent.
thaank you very much
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