Monday, March 23, 2009

The Pinch Test: Indignities of Spring

When we last saw the Lone Wolf, observant readers noticed that the shadow cast by his bicycle had a blue tint to it. I was not sure why this was--until I received this photo from a reader:




I was incredibly grateful to finally have a closer look at the Lone Wolf's setup. Note the forward-angled tri post which serves to not only compensate for what must be an extremely relaxed geometry, but also provides the trunk for what is essentially a "water tree." He's also kept the chainguard on, taking advantage of both its protective and aero properties by integrating it with the translucent blue fairing. Dual wheel covers and a frontal fairing also see to it that this bike cheats the wind like Bernie Madoff. Time trial bikes are sometimes referred to as "slippery," and this baby is more slippery than a wet ham.

Even without his "A" bike, the Lone Wolf's visage exudes confidence, and as much respect I have for his arch-nemesis Bart Kaufman I'm afraid Kaufman may be less a wolf than a jackalope in comparison:



Not only is the jackalope simultaneously proud and absurd, but antlers on a rabbit is not dissimilar to a rack on a Madone.

Speaking of rotund, hibernating animals (everybody knows jackalopes hibernate), now that spring is here those cyclists who go "underground" during the winter months are beginning to re-emerge tentatively into the wild. While I personally welcome these shaky, bewildered riders back into the fold, at least one woman is less than impressed:





To all the male cyclist... - w4m
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2009-03-19, 7:40AM EDT


that stuck it out through a cold nyc winter and didn't hang their bike up for 5 months, your looking good out there. I enjoy watching you race by now that the weather is getting warm and the layers are coming off.


To all the grotesque men that i passed going up the bridge yesterday morning that ate like f'n pig's all winter, and ordered delivery every night, played guitar hero that were out riding yesterday trying to make it up the bridge with a doughnut and a heavy krypto chain on it's last link around their waist on a fixed gear. You're gut is not sexy. You're growing a second chin. You're a part timer. Cover up please, and get out of my way when i'm coming over the bridge.... thank you.


As if trendy urban cyclists didn't have enough to worry about when it comes to peer acceptance of their wardrobes, it turns out women are actually counting how many links they've got left when they wrap their Kryptonite chains around their waists. For this reason, I think Kryptonite should offer their popular New York chain locks in custom lengths so that those of excessive girth can still show a little chain slack. This would have a slimming effect and might in turn earn them a little bit of slack from judgmental ladies like this one.

In the meantime, though, clearly if you need to use the last link of your chain when you wrap it around your waist you should instead put it in your bag. Actually, unless you're a messenger and you're locking and unlocking your bike every few minutes you should probably just keep your chain in your bag anyway. I'm not sure why riders buy such large messenger bags yet continue to keep their locks on their bodies. Most bags I see that are not worn by actual messengers are empty and flat and are so huge they look more like capes than bags.

I suspect it's only a matter of time before the chain-around-the-waist look becomes so popular that people just start wearing them even if they're not riding. This look works especially well paired with some u-locks hanging from your ear tunnels.

But with spring comes bike theft, and I was dismayed to read that at least one woman has been relieved of her tire:





to the douchebag that stole my back bike tire at the Marcy JMZ... - 25 (williamsburg)
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2009-03-18, 11:41PM EDT


To the person who stole (or perhaps, borrowed?) my back bike tire from the Marcy JMZ sometime between Tuesday and this evening...

We missed an amazing connection. I feel like my fist and your face would get along famously. I"m a pretty good looking girl. I mean, i have no noticeable scars, no missing limbs or disfigurements, and all of my teeth touch. Perhaps you would like to meet up some time for coffee, or maybe even a bike ride (i"m guessing it is safe to assume you like bikes?). Maybe even as soon as Friday? oh wait, thats no good for me, I really just see no way that a person of such low income could come up with the money to replace that tire on such short notice. It's a good thing that I don't need that bike to get to work or anything, cause then I'd really be fucked. Oh right, I DO. Seriously though, thanks for at least picking the beginning of spring to take that shitty burden of a back tire off my hands. It really was just another piece of dead-weight that i was sick of hauling around, and who really uses their bike in the summer anyway... I really can't wait to hear from you...I think we missed a very magical moment that we could have spent together, and I for one, would love another chance...

Truly,

ol' one wheel.

I realize a lot of people say "tire" when what they really mean is "wheel," but if you think about it just stealing tires is pretty smart. Stealing a wheel from a bicycle can arouse suspicion and needs to be done quickly, but stealing the tires just makes it look like you're fixing a flat so you can take your time. I'm sure passing cyclists would even slow down and ask you if you needed any help. (I always ask cyclists with flats if they need help, but I actually accelerate when I pass because I don't want to hear the answer. I shudder to think of how many tire thefts in progress I might otherwise have thwarted.) Actually, the only reason you don't hear more about tire theft is that most people don't have the necessary dedication; instead, once they've got the wheel off they figure they might as well graduate to wheel theft so they just take off.

Of course, the rarest of all thefts is inner tube theft. The inner tube thief stealthily removes the wheel, removes the tire, takes the inner tube, replaces the tube with packing peanuts, re-mounts the tire, re-installs the wheel, and slips off into the night like a wet ham. Victims don't even know they've been hit until they try to ride off; even then, many don't realize it and just think the crunching noise is coming from their bottom brackets. Meanwhile, the inner tube thief deflates and flattens the tube, puts a little talc on it, re-packages it, and sells it on the notorious inner tube black market. A dedicated inner tube thief can make dozens of dollars in as little as a month.

This is why I rub tubular tires on all my commuter bikes. They're pinch-flat resistant and just plain pinch-resistant.



114 comments:

Anonymous said...

Woot! Woot!

crispy said...

second

doug said...

no way!

Pack Phil said...

Just missed

BadBeard said...

Miscreant1st!

Anonymous said...

Top 5?

monoarchitect said...

TOP 10

Anonymous said...

Top 10!!!

Anonymous said...

The Lone Wolf is Amazing!

Brick said...

Top 10

crispy said...

Podium is teh awesome!

mander said...

First commenter who read the post w00t!

Anonymous said...

Lucky 13

Udder said...

I steal the thread on stem ring retainers and send them in to CA$H for Aluminum Alloy.com

Anonymous said...

WOOT1st

ant1 said...

ant1st!

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Cv0pb-KLjQ&feature=related

Mongo Pusher said...

Top 20...(ST)

worm irks said...

It is remarkable how quickly you come up with new pictures of the Lone Wolf. Could it be that you are the Lone Wolf?

I notice your fairing and your belly have the same contour. Smart move, aerodynamically speaking.

Nate-or-die said...

I'm a proud, trendy urban cyclist who ate like a pig all winter but did not hang up the bike. Nay, I put cross tires and a brake on it and rode straight through the snow, the ice, the salt, and muck. I never cleaned that bike once. There it hangs on my wall covered in gray black gunk. An entire winters worth of Salt Lake City under the fenders. Now that it has warmed up a bit, I can ride my bubble gum hued little girls nightmare bike again. I do love it so...

Anonymous said...

Lot of riders coming out of hibernation and getting hurt. Just today I read that Matt Lauer and Lance Armstrong have both been injured in bicycle crashes.

streepo said...

If snobby is the wolf I can certainly see why he was hired to write a cooking column for the dental magazine.

CommieCanuck said...

It's spelled d├╝shbag.

kale said...

Tubulars on your commuter!

Harumph, and tsk-tsk!

I just carry a spare set of aksiums with new tires/tubes attached to the profuse straps on my fakenger bag. It gives me a chance to show off my extra set of rubbables without getting them dirty. I've also got a set of deep-section Zipps so I can ride to Central Park without getting all that city juice/awesome sauce on the breaking surface.

bikesgonewild said...

...ah, yes...the lone wolf...

...now, never again to be anonymous but certainly forever to be anomalous...

...champion of the quirky bike, no matter it's roots & i wonder what ever else is in the lone wolf's quiver...

CommieCanuck said...

You're gut is not sexy. You're growing a second chin. You're a part timer. Cover up please, and get out of my way when i'm coming over the bridge.... thank you.

Oh, so that's the type of chick who uses Craigslist for dating.

Sweet girl.

Slappy said...

Well done today, you made me laugh!

jolene said...

any body get that lone wolf hunks number can give it here cus i likes me some meat on my man and where it counts but he needs to bike his park out in the back porch so ricky dont see it becuse he nows that aint reds and if you aint gonna ride in the winner you at least gotta do somethin or get a job like my maw aways tolt my paw

Anonymous said...

Gee, another trendy recent NY transplant was stupid enough to lock their bike unattended outside in South Williamsburg without securing both wheels. And then they are astonished and angered the rear wheel got stolen...

Somebody should teach a bike locking class for these over educated idiots.

KVonnegut said...

"...cheats the wind like Bernie Madoff."

...would have been better stated thusly:

"...cheats the wind like Bernie Madoff cheats Jews."

bikesgonewild said...

..."I always ask cyclists with flats if they need help, but I actually accelerate when I pass because I don't want to hear the answer."...

...hah !!!...now ain't that the truth...i always ask too but i'm thinkin' "hope you got yer shit together 'cuz i really don't wanna stop & interrupt the flow"...but hey, i would if needed...

Frank Dabek said...

Snob:

You must check out the new "bike store" on Bleecker street:

Read about it in vanity fair.

I noticed they have Rapha water bottles... would go great with your cravat.

Picco said...

Every time I stop people think that I'm trying to bum a smoke. Gnarly Mullet on a Monday? Good way to start the week off!! Eww Wee!!

MINGUStheMECHANIC said...

Did i miss something about lone wolf's lotus? Did he sell it on craigslist with a sad phrase like "need to buy calve implants so i can walk again."

As it was explained to me by a kid who weighed about a buck fifteen- "I wrap the chain around my waist yo cuz its to heavy for may back" I kept silent.

If you live out by marcy, lock up your bike overnight when you say you need it for work, don't know the difference between tire and rim and poorly attempt sarcasm laced with twisted imagery of rough sex on craigslist you illicit very little sympathy but if you really are that cute I do have an extra tire...

WheelDancer said...

A Jackalope is just a touring rabbit. What seems odd to me is that no one has a picture of one with the panniers attached to the front rack.

mary poppins said...

I once stole an inner tube. Its a long story and one i don't want to remember.

Vagabond said...

That was a funny post.

Seanywonton said...

Really good inner tube thieves can remove a tube without even taking off the wheel...a la the Zoolander underwear scene.

ant1 said...

The Lone Wolf comes from the future, I think. His bike technology is years ahead of the fixed gear era we are now in. Maybe he comes from the post-alpacalips era and is trying to change the course of history...
Time may tell.

Jim said...

To my everlasting shame, I worked my way through trade school ( Stuyvesant School of Janitory Activities where I majored in sweeping, minored in yelling at kids) by stealing patches from bicycle tubes then re-selling them over the DARPANet to Eastern European hackers. I sold them as "tubov patchskis" and usually got either a buck a patch, or a kilo of paprika for my troubles. For a while there, I was arguably King of the International Trade in Slightly Used Tube Patches.

Then this chick caught me stealing her patches one day and beat my ass. She was cute, too... all three of her teeth touched, more or less, long as held her jaw just so. After that, I got out of that business and went into stealing Tufo tubular valve cores, which is a more profitable and less risky line of work, though it isn't nearly as glamorous. Still, it's a living.

The Saratogian said...

Wait- do you "rub" tubulars or to you "run" them? Or "rock" them? or, as we're saying these days "have sex with" them.

eg.
"I have sex with the vintage Campy Athena on my Serotta."

Anonymous said...

You have jumped the jackalope

CommieCanuck said...

Jim...I too am a SSJA Grad..majored in barf cleanup, minored in sawdust.

Anonymous said...

Lance broke his collarbone!

flaco said...

i'm with you on most things, snob, but bikes in bags are a hell of a lot more uncomfortable than around the waist. isn't there any accounting for personal preference?

Curtis Chorizali said...

i live by Myrtle JMZ and regularly see REALLY nice "fixies" parked overnight, locked up like shit. i literally want to steal some parts one night just to teach these retards a lesson about Bedstuy.

Matt! said...

LONE WOLF
LUVZ H2O!

Anonymous said...

Curtis-

FYI, Big Poppa actually is a reference to biggie's pastime of puncturing cute fixie tubes at the Myrtle stop.

MINGUStheMECHANIC said...

I feel bad for lance but 4 years ago i broke my collar bone, rode an hour back to the car and then rode to work the next day which involved climbing scaffolding, granted i was too broke to afford insurance at the time, days later went to the emergency room and I was told of the break and thats when i cried no earlier- freakin panzy.

Commie you promised pictures of snob, well.

Bubbles and Squeek said...

Why I was just googling "Wet Ham" and found this wonderful site.

Chip chip.

Anonymous said...

Man. That Craigslist post was shame-inducing.

b said...

it could be that snob is younger than i think. not actually an old curmudgeon at all, but young and vain, and worried about how things look. because i'll be the first to admit that chain around the waist is function over form, being old and doofy, i know longer care.

b said...

that would be "no longer care" and apparently I don't care much for correct spelling any more, either.

brighton velo said...

Is that a water tree or a "sephiroth" - a Tree of Life - perched on the Lone Wolf's seatmast? I think my argument is strengthed by his use of the one piece crank, which is forged from a SINGLE PIECE OF METAL and that he doesn't require foot retention. Food for thought at least.

Surly Bastard said...

How soon before we see the "slippery ham" reference in a Cervelo TT bike ad?

Any of you pigs want to bet a box of donuts?

Anonymous said...

Wolf post-polyps

fat bridge rider said...

I thought I could just eat snob's energy sauce (not at all related to lance's energy sauce) all winter with fettuccine and call it carbo loading. boy was i wrong

CommieCanuck said...

Mingus,

Lance will recover, using a compress of both Olsen Twins.

Least sincere comment of 2009 (so far):

"It was a shame to lose Lance," said Contador.

There are plenty of BikeSnob NYC pics.

like this.

and this.

ole timer said...

i have said this before here and i will say it again, wearing the chain around your waist is dangerous. all of your main organs are there and you run the risk of tearing/puntcturing/damaging one if you were to fall. i know of one bike messenger in 97ish that this happened to.
anyone remember that guy?

ole timer said...

re prior post:

he was an sf messenger...

Anonymous said...

ole wheel pos sounds suspiciously like you wrote it bike snob. were batman around, hed run it through some analyzer and it would come up you. or maybe the joker...

ME said...

hey ole, lots of things are dangerous, and that messenger bag doesn't provide a magical shield, you can still land on chain in bag.

grog said...

Trade you a tube for a ham.

W H
E A
T M

guttersnipe said...

Southern Hemisphere First! Tires, tyres, lets call the whole thing off ...
Of course it is autumn here, and with it cool weather punctures, so I'm pretty happy to be rubbing road tubeless myself. Suspicious mess indeed awaits unsuspecting thieves.

broomie said...

Angry Girl,
I'm sure the tire thief is now feeling really bad and trying to figure out how to change his ways. (I'm assuming its a he since I've never been robbed by girl outside of a hotel room). I am absolutetly sure that had the thief read your message he wouldn't feel doubley smug at having made off with yuor tire AND really ruined your day.

broomie said...

Sorry about the typos, I typing with a wet ham.

Anonymous said...

"wet ham".
genius!

wishiwasmerckx said...

I learned a recent lesson about offering help to stranded cyclists. A few weeks ago, I passed two riders stopped by the side of the road looking helpless. Both had long hair flowing from under their helmets. I asked, "Do you ladies need any help?" Much to both of our consternation, it was not until I came a little closer did I realize that one was a guy.

ricky said...

SLAM HAM!

Louis said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jump the wolf said...

can you rub it like dis
i can rub it like dat
well can ya rub it like dis
homeboy i rub like dat!

Anonymous said...

did anyone ask lone wolf what his real name is? he fucking looks like mickey rourke

Anonymous said...

So Miss Critical may be svelte (who knows?) but I would say her grammar is as atrocious as chunky dudes rolling with ass crack and chains wrapped around their waists.

I'm not sayin'...I'm just sayin'...

Anonymous said...

Chains are as effective as wet ham in preventing bike theft. They are just another hipster fashion accessory.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cpf35C7wu6Q

Anonymous said...

Is that Abus Bordo in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

Bluenoser said...

Woot! Woot! has the top of the podium. I love it! Just when I thought my life was going to shit, Woot! Woot! brings me back from the brink.

-B

Bluenoser said...

We use spandex to hold lobster bait together in the traps up here.

The smell drives the lobsters crazy.

-B

Bluenoser said...

wishiwasmerckx,

The really cool chicks have the hair flowing from their armpits.

-B

Bluenoser said...

You have to excuse me I'm just getting home from work and haven't seen all this yet.

-B

KnuckaTatCat said...

UPTH EASS

Anonymous said...

WET HAM.
brilliance.

And BSNYC-

Just one thing to consider now that the 'fixed gear culture is now officially closed'-
how about those n00bs that traded their fixed gear bikes back for single or 12 speeds because they couldn't really hack it? OR what about all those ex-girlfriends of fixed gear riders who don't ride their $1000 in total 'vintage' Trek or Schwinn upgrades becase: a. they had cars all along, b. riding the bike is "too painful" because it reminds them of their ex's, and it rubs their hipster cysts the wrong way or c. they were never really interested in cycling in the first place....

Does either forfeiture of membership constitute a pass to anyone who is genuinely interested in and knowledgeable about bicycles?

Just wondering.

CommieCanuck said...

JAKA LOPE

Fierce Panties OMG said...

Nate-or-die,

An entire winters worth of Salt Lake City under the fenders.

Are you living in SLC? Or do you live in Brooklyn with a copious amount of road salt on your bike?

If it's the former then you are not trendy. Anyone hip and living in SLC is not trendy, but rather cutting edge and a stone cold freak.

red neckerson said...

so if you take a ten speed bike and cut its balls off does that make it a fixed gear?

this weekend me and ricky was cruzing around on them walmart bikes we bot up in hazard home of the fucking douchbag loser hi skol boys but i aint bitter or nothing because i losts money when they tanked there first game in the sweet 16 so we gots them cool mongoose with pure shitmano guts and we was cruzing around and we gots passed by some really hot babe on a tri bike babe who yelled out if you kin catch me you can have me so we roads as fast as we could but we couldnt catch the tribabe which is jest as well because we prolly would have caught a bad case of the monkey butt from her thats my story and im sticking with it and her ass werent as good as jolene enyway i guess but i never gots close enuff to gets a good look at it boy howdy

Fierce Panties OMG said...

Anon 8:56

I have to admit that there are common traits that I share with fixters. Just in the same way fixters share traits with Yuppies.

There are many things that I hate about cycling. One is fixters, sure we all hate on 'em. That's why you're riding BSNYC's train or rather riding his drive train or maybe riding a component of said drive train. He makes art of spoofing on the fixter, and then the hating of the fixters takes on graceful qualities. It's understood.

But that's neither here nor there (whatever that means, saying that's neither here nor there is like saying it's all good. Because what I'm trying to say is that you touched on some things that I truly hate about cycling and I may need to admit to myself that I am like them, the fixters...except older.

I ride my bike everyday, but I hate it and I never had any interest in cycling in the first place.

I wanted to be a snowboarder, but I quickly found that I couldn't get to work or bring groceries home on my Burton. And like riding a bike, I suck on a board. So you see, I had no interest in cycling.

Also, the are times while slayin' my bicycle that I am reminded of an ex who also is a cyclist, but who was a far superior cyclist and with a coach and medals and also well known, and all that shit.

Why do I still have to remember that? Fuck 'em. I'm just trying to get the damn groceries home without thinking about a very ugly time in my life.

And another thing, like the fixter, I don't know shit about bikes. I have a 1983 Japanese lugged road frame that I bought on craigslist. I barely remember the model, I certainly couldn't spell it. I built it with Campy cranks but a Dura-Ace bb. Shimano derailers but Campy shifters. Campy hubs with Shimano mtb skewers.

And 1999 Time mountain pedals.

And I rub it rockin' a BMX helmet.

I'm like Them

Anonymous said...

The Du Page County Health Department, Illinois have guidelines for the Cold Storage of ham which should avoud the slippery ham syndrome... just helpin

frilly said...

Okay, Fierce Panties, you brought it up--we want a name (the ex).

Or at least initials.

Anonymous said...

Panties-

Riding a bike is splendid thing, yes indeed. It is in fact, one of my most favorite things to do. It's up there with listening to music and enjoying fine artwork, number one and two on the list respectively. I'm not sure exactly what the point of your comment was, but allow me to offer an analogy to explain mine better.

Music is a many marvelous thing, in my opinion. There are myriad genres, instruments and artists, all with different aims and objectives. I personally would consider myself to be somewhat selective when it comes to music. Now, where I may listen to afro-beat and tropicalia when I'm feeling saucy, I don't do this because I want people to think I'm cool... No, in fact it's hard for people to think you're cool when you listen to said genres in the privacy and isolation of your room.

Now someone who for instance enjoys such musical gems as Static-x or Stained could easily make a similar statement about being musically selective. Yes, they have indeed spent hours listening to the radio and carefully selecting bands that they can relate to... that speak to them. I'm not making a value judgment. Point being, because I have personally explored a bit further the vast frontier of recorded music, I can say with confidence that I am miles ahead of them. Again... not a judgement, but a statement of fact.

Getting back to the subject of bicycles now, I can say that you and I are in the same boat. I do not own a car. I used to, but for various reasons do not find that owning one is top on my list of priorities. I am truly sorry that you do not enjoy cycling. I find it to be astoundingly enjoyable for varied reasons, not to mention the obvious reality of exercise. I understand your plight of biking for necessity, as I do so myself, but I assure you if you want it to be fun... you can make it fun.

Second, if you re-read my previous comment (and please to excuse my poor spelling. I had to use the internet at a local coffee house for a faster internet connection... so not only was it made in haste, it was open night at the coffee shop and the act performing at the time was a 17 year old ventriloquist. Needless to say it was a bit distracting) you will find that it was a compliment, followed by multi-part inquiry. Not only was it meant to be a bit cheeky, it was also directed at bike snob. Not panties.

Third, you stated you "don't know shit about bikes", although you then continued to spout some menial bike jargon. The very fact that you even bothered to look at your bike's components, and whats more remembered them defuses your initial statement regarding bike knowledge.

Fourth, as much as you may try, you aren't like them. (if by them you mean poser harlots or pseudo 'fixter' hipsters). I'm sorry but the mere fact that you didn't even try to look cool and never dated a 'fixter' who convinced you it was cool to ride fixed and breakless completely debunks your final statement. I guess I appreciate your efforts in not being or trying to be cool, because I guess trying to be cool and failing is worse than failing in general.

Or is it?

Actually, they are both a pretty bad way to go. But one certainly requires more effort... I guess I retract that statement. Failing in general is probably worse.

Anonymous said...

F.P.O.M.G.: Just how much wine did you have w/ dinner B4 posting? TMI.

Anonymous said...

p.s.

I forgot to mention one other thing. You also mentioned you have no interest in cycling... Seeing that you are reading and at least commenting on a blog which is all about it.

Again. Your comment remains rife with error.

Red Rider said...

Yo...poseurs, any real rider knows that the "Lone Wolf" is stationed at the Pacific Avenue Bridge on the Marvin Braude Bike Path every Sunday afternoon from 12 -5. He parks at Pier 51 and rides..nay.. gracefully slices the air on his amazing two wheeled machine out to his post. When you're off the training wheels and your mom will let you leave the block come on by and get an autograph.Call him Winston. He likes it.

Anonymous said...

Stolen tires - another reason not to ride mono blade forks and stays.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Call him Winston. He likes it because his real name is Phinnaeus.

Fierce Panties OMG said...

Frilly,

Initials?

E.X.


Anon 10:42
It wasn't wine, it was pure cane sugar.
And I'm sorry that you had to read it. I felt gross writing all that vulgar truth.

rando cowrissian said...

I was riding up to the liberry of a small western town. As I was locking my bike up, two kids came out to get on their unlocked bikes and ride home. One of the kids was startled to find both the tires missing from his mountain bike-like object. After asking other patrons if anyone saw the perps of this outrage/prank, he went ahead and rode home on the rims.

I have filed this away in my memory of bizarre things I have seen but don't know whether to believe it or not. I would like to see the instant replay.

Fierce Panties OMG said...

Anon 10:39

Don't you get it? I'm fucked!
I mixed Japanese with Italian! I mixed Shimano with Campy! I mixed 90's with 80's! I mixed road with mtb! I wear downhill spds for commuting! I have a Keirin bottom bracket for the double??!

And worst of all?!

I like it! God damn it all to hell! I liked it!

Anonymous said...

What's the frequency, Matt?

Andy Pandy said...

Dear Granny Knickers as you should be known, buy one of those long skate boards that replicate long boards, do some slow soul arches and chill. Get in touch with your inner self and love it as no one else will. Mode of transport should not define a person.

Hi Frills

FellOnEarth said...

Tubulars are "pinch" resistant. Nice, but do you really have to punish us? I have a theory about those pesky tire and tube thieves: It all started with one anonymous bike rider who screwed it up for everyone else. He/She (probably in drag disguise) took it and set off an unending chain of thefts among pissed off cyclists who perpetuated the karmatic sequence of "borrowing" another unlucky cyclist's tire/tube to replace their stolen one. All things being cyclical, I believe it usually starts with the tube then the tire and eventually culminating in tubeless tires (surprise tube bandits, goo in your eyes!) Ah the satisfaction of meeting a would be filcher, eyes gummed shut while they stumble around trying to dig their eyeballs loose with a tire lever...

panino said...

what's the story of the "wet like ham".
something you need to tell us Snobby?

Granny Knickers said...

Andy Panda,

I'm a narcissist. I don't need to love myself anymore than I already do.

Alex said...

Snob raced a car:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=556RAVPH4Vc

leroy said...

So I'm riding over the Bridge in my Jackalope suit -- Nashbar was having a sale and I needed something for when the chicken suit is at the dry cleaners -- when this attractive young woman blows by me and compliments me on my outfit.

I had to supress a titter because she was obviously a hopeless urbanite unfamiliar with the noble silhouette of the naturally rotund Jackalope.

As she sailed by, she gave me a cheery "Nice outfit, Jackass."

Well thank goodness it's the thought that counts and I know she meant Jackalope.

Anonymous said...

This blog is slipping on quality

Luck E. said...

I will have the wet ham slathered in awesome sauce, please.

FP, this is not your diary.
Alex, try to keep up sweetie.


A

me said...

i gotta agree with anon 11:25....hate to be one of those naysayer/curmudgeonly 'used to be better' but since that is what i am... and the shit about locks around waists just seems like you think it looks dumb, which puts you right with the fixter kiddies in putting style over substance. big bags in chains suck, bend paperbacks, etc...far more uncomfortable than around waist. sometimes ideas are borrowed from pros because they are good ideas.

Bill said...

leroy, i'm sure you meant you had to suppress a twitter, since it wouldn't have been an experience had you not tweeted? about it. funny, i don't see all these crazy determined bad ass biker chicks on my daily commute. and really, part timer? c'mon, she deserve scorn o plenty

Anonymous said...

oh man, i just realized that the anon responsible for that horribly long comment sounds exactly like the same annoying guy, had some blog he used to link to that sucks (about art and music and bikes, that was the tip) and gets really, really defensive.

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 11:25am...

...and so this is how you raise the bar ???...

...sad...

shannon said...

not to fuel the fire, but both the rim AND the tire were stolen. So, the post remains accurate. YES, i know the difference, and I sincerely apologize to anyone that I may have offended by not being laser specific in my CRAIGSLIST post. If you really want to get down to it, it might have been a better observation to point out the absurdity of posting a missed connection to an inanimate object (bike part), and the improper use of the service all together. It was so obviously a joke and meant to be taken lightly. And, no...I am not SURPRISED at the fact that it was stolen, nor am I a "recent NY transplant" as I've lived in the area for some time now, and (possibly due to good luck) have never had an issue with my bike being tampered with. I'm just making light of a situation that was more of an annoyance than anything else. Take it for what it is...lighten up. You may as well have posted a comment suggesting that I expected the thief to see/read/feel remorse, and then in turn, return stolen goods. Its just absurd. It's Craigslist. Although, in my defense I think I was way more indicative in my description of the event than most people are in their real missed connections posts. I mean really...who's gonna read a post that says "hey you, on the subway...I was the guy, and you were the girl reading" and go.."oh shit! I think that was me!"
Also, just to comment on the use of my bike as a vehicle to transport me to work. I'm not sure why this was a shot that you chose to take seeing as we live in NYC and everyone I know had a varying work schedule. I know a LOT of "working class" who lock up overnight. I generally sleep at that hour. So, in conclusion, anything stolen is a bummer (no matter what it is), the post was an airing of grievances (and im sure im not the only one who has gotten pissed at a theft situation), I haven't been able to afford the luxury of a second lock for some time now, and the last time I checked, the main function of a bike is still transportation, not fashion. My bike is nice, not amazing, it's a solid machine. It gets me from point A to point B...and sometimes point B just happens to be Bushwick, I still have to lock somewhere.

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