Friday, June 22, 2007

Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads, #3

Good news for those of you in the New York City metropolitan area. If you're looking to get a textbook-perfect fixie poser machine in time for the weekend, here it is. And it can be yours for a mere $500. You won't have to get your hands dirty (or pay your local shop to get their hands dirty) changing a thing--this is as if the collective aesthetic sensibility of the Lower East Side, Williamsburg, Bushwick and Greenpoint coalesced into tangible form and posted itself on Craigslist. Sadly it is not NJS (or even a track frame), but my guess is that the owner is selling to finance a purchase that meets both the aforementioned criteria:

Custom Fixed gear peugeot 56cm Deep V's - $500 (original URL:

Reply to: [deleted]: 2007-06-21, 6:32PM EDT

I'm selling my custom peugeot fixed gear 56cm. It was sandblasted and profesionally powder coated.

I look at like any bike obsessive, and I am constantly surprised at how many people spend good money powdercoating beater frames. Why gild the mediocre lily, only to lock said lily unprotected to a city bike rack? (And why is the bike locked up in the for-sale photo? Did the guy lose the key? If you agree to buy it, does he then pocket the money and say, "Well, here's the catch...")

The frame is purple and the cranks, fork and gooseneck are black.

Gooseneck? I see no goose in this picture. By process of elimination, though, the only other black thing on this bike besides the cranks and fork is the stem, so I assume that is what you mean. By the way, you did take excellent pictures, so the colors (revolting as they may be) don't require mentioning.

Brand new bottom bracket, purple chain, MKS pedals, brand new head set, vintage deadstock Turbo saddle, Lime green Velocity deep V's, brand new tires, Flip flop hub, I have a Nitto drop handle bar and a BMX small handle bar, I will include both.
In the words of Rodney Dangerfield in Back to School, "Oh, you left out a bunch of stuff." Like what kind of cog, what's the gearing, what's the crank length, what kind of cranks are they, and so forth. But let's look at what he did mention:
Colored chains, colored chains, colored chains. If God or an equivalent deity granted me the power to ban one thing from bikes forever, I would have to do some pretty deep soul-searching to decide between colored chains and top tube pads. And you know what? I think colored chains just might win. It's also obvious to me that people who use these chains don't lubricate them, for fear of dulling their vibrant hues. I've been noticing a lot otherwise spotless fixies with drivechains that chirp like an aviary. When these guys roll up on you it's like being attacked by a flock of crows--it's getting downright Hitchcockian out there.
I needn't mention the powdercoated Velocitys at this point, unsullied by brake pads of course. What kind of hubs? He doesn't say, but does it really matter? They're lime green!
I'm glad he mentioned the other bars. I assume the Kashimax top tube protector is useful with at least one of those sets. Because right now it's on there purely for looks--those risers are well clear of the top tube, and with no brake cables they will spin like helicopter blades if you take your hands off the grips.
Lastly, I note the "deadstock" saddle is duly chained to the frame, but what about that retina-scorching rear Deep V? It looks to be unlocked. I may be wrong, but from the pictures the bike appears to be in the Herald Square area. So when you're done shopping at Macy's, swing by and grab yourself a free Deep V.


sessa said...

Thank you bikesnob for trolling the listings to provide for us the worst of the worst. Everything about this latest posting makes me violently ill. Seriously, I had no idea that the trendy-ness of fixed gear bikes was so out of control. How is it that they became 'tre cool' instead of just something to train on in the winter and maybe the de-facto beer run, post office bike?

Appreciated Trevor's comments on brakes. Attention hip indie kids, brakes serve a useful purpose. A set of old 600 calipers and levers, Modolo, Dia-Compe, pretty much anything is cheaper and will last longer than continually burning through tires, shoes, cut off pants, flesh. Hey, that would look cool, if your tacky ass tattoo had a huge sear mark from asphalt, rear tire, car grill, or whatever the fuck stopped you when there was a sudden need for you to avoid tragedy. Hope you did(n't?) tear some knee ligaments when you tried to go from 110rpm to oh no, I just shit my pants. No one is above the level of hitting the deck in a moments notice. I still remember seeing a photo of (former pro) John Lieswyn in the student paper at UF. He was on his back, strapped into pedals on a proper track bike, looking the fool in the middle of the intersection. It happens.

Find the guy who coined the term 'gooseneck' and let me know. I will heckle, stalk, demoralize him until he issues an apology.

If you go on vacation and need someone to rant in your stead, please be in touch.

alliwannadoisbicycle said...

fucking hilarious dude. You've got a new fan right here- I'm so sick of these unathletic hipster idiots that think they have street cred because the ride brakeless fixies in way-too tight low rider tapered jeans with a Chrome bag on their backs as they zoom around the NYU area pushing gears that are way too big and looking like idiots. I bet most of em don't even know where the Kissena Velodrom is. Sure, I've got a fixie- it's got front and rear brakes, and a manageable gear- but hey, I'm no hipster- i actually race bikes!

keep snarkin, I've linked you on my blog.



Anonymous said...

fuck brakes.

Rob in Queens said...

Remember the Kissena Velodrome when it resembled the BQE. Booth triage was jumpin' back then.

Dan and Carrie Williams said...

Top Ten, though well OTB.

"goose-neck" comes from the BMX side of things

when i worked in a shop, it was usually the meth-addled 19-24 bracket that came in asking for a "goose-neck" for their hoopty-bike

either them, or the burnout in a slayer t-shirt buying a trek 800 to commute to the bars on (also in a meth haze). they liked to ask for a long "goose-neck" to keep the bars nice and high. easier to ride one handed with a 22oz can of OE800 and/or a marb red in in the other paw


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