Showing posts with label handlebars. Show all posts
Showing posts with label handlebars. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Hands On: The Latest In Grips

Not too long ago, I mentioned a bar/stem combo for sale on Craigslist that the seller had billed as "fierce." Well, if you were interested yet not quite ready to take the plunge, you will be pleased to know they are still available. Furthermore, the seller has also clarified the "fierce" descriptor:




3T/Cinelli - Track Drop/Stem - with grips *AS SEEN ON BIKESNOB* - $50 (Fort Greene)
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2009-01-22, 11:17PM EST


(Despite the many views these bars must have received from astute Bikesnob readers... all offers to buy them ultimately fell through. So I'm reposting.)


Built up a track drop setup to try it out but am going to back to pursuit bars because I like the position more.


- 3T "Pista" Track Drops - deep, classic drop shape - made from hardened 7075 aluminum alloy - approx. 42cm wide - in immaculate condition.

- Cinelli quill stem - approx 120mm long - in fairly good condition with a few cosmetic scratches.

- And some random grips I had that look pretty fierce.


(Note: If you are having any concerns that these are anything other than genuinely "fierce" grips, rest assured. They are both "fierce" in the sense that they are clear with a rad blue flame pattern underneath, as well as "fierce" in the sense that they were stolen from a knock-off brand razor scooter.
Meaning that YOU will most certainly be unique with your fiercely-blue/semi-ironic/'whoa-are-those-keirin' handlebar grips.)


Selling for $50, open to trades.



Let it be known that I have no affiliation with the seller, nor do I stand to profit in any way from his sale (or trade!) of these bars. However, I do appreciate his actually mentioning me in his re-post, which is more than certain other sellers have done. I also sympathize with him, because, as he mentions, "all offers to buy them ultimately fell through." The simple truth is, if you think some Craigslist sellers are bad, the buyers are a thousand times worse. Really, how does a handlebar sale fall through? Does the bank not come through with a mortgage commitment? Does an engineer determine the bars are structurally unsound? Does the buyer not receive board approval? The potential Craigslist buyer is the worst sort of virtual tire-kicker, answering ads for people's cheap castoffs in order to experience the thrill of the purchase without actually purchasing anything. It's the online classifieds equivalent of rubbing up against people on the subway.

Speaking of rubbing and grips, I recently spotted a new trend on the streets of New York City. It seems that the hot setup among the retro-chic is to rub a rubber on your bars:



You'll note from this detail shot that the condom serves not only as a grip, but also as a sort of streamer. (For best results, use Lennard Zinn's saliva method of installation.):


Also, a third benefit is that the condom grip serves as a theft-deterrent. It takes a very strong stomach to get anywhere close to what might very well be a used prophylactic. Even the act of photographing it was nauseating, and I noticed a direct relationship between my proximity to the bicycle and my lunch's proximity to my mouth. It would take a bold thief indeed to kneel beside this bike and go to work with the bolt cutters while the condom's reservoir tip gently tickles the back of his neck.

The condom grip is without a doubt the most exciting thing to come to handlebars since Pearl Izumi's "Greptile" system. This was sort of a proto-collabo with 3M and it involved a pair of grippy gloves that were supposed to be paired with a roll of equally grippy handlebar tape. 3M's Greptile still seems to be in use for sports like golfing, but sadly Pearl Izumi no longer offers it in glove/tape form. One user on Roadbikereview noted that it had "a tendency to pick up fuzz and other stuff." It was last seen on closeout on the Secret Website, though as usual their copywriters missed the mark by not using the obvious marketing hook, "Love Me Like a Greptile."

Indeed, condoms and grips have a lot in common, especially the fact that not enough young people are using them. More and more cyclists these days are rubbing absolutely nothing on their bars (apart from their groins, of course) and the bicycle industry really needs to act. Not only is this dangerous, but entire product lines also hang in the balance. What they need is a spokesperson who can make grips sexy again. My vote is heavy metal homunculus Glenn Danzig:


I have no doubt that the sight of Danzig clutching an Ergon like a microphone while crooning the Samhain song "In My Grip" will have fixters everywhere rushing to cover their bars faster than an Amish woman covers an exposed ankle. Really, nothing is more "fierce" than a grip endorsed by Glenn Danzig.

Unfortunately, you're about as likely to see that as you are an integrated headtube with a threaded headset. Or are you? In the wacky world of Craigslist, anything is possible:





Leader Single Gear Free Wheel Track Bicycle (61 CM) - $320 (Sheepshead Bay Bklyn)
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2009-01-27, 10:12PM EST


Pleased to present a Leader Single Gear Free Wheel Track Bicycle (convert to fixed gear available). This bicycle is in perfect working condition. The frame is 24’’ inches (61 CM) & the rims are 700 x 25C. Deliver is available & Please email or call me (347) 733-[deleted] Peter; if you have any questions, or for directions (to view bicycles in stock), & Thank you for your inquire. Note: All of our bicycles are professionally tuned, reconditioned, and comes with a 30 day warranty.


We've met Peter before, and the man is clearly a magician. I'm not sure if this particular frame takes an integrated or a zero stack headset, but in either case whatever he did to get that threaded headset in there had to be even more horrifying than Danzig singing old Samhain songs into an Ergon grip:


I do like how Peter's stayed true to his aesthetic with his crappy parts choice while simultaneously updating his image with the aluminum frame. Also, the massive gear ratio along with the freewheel setup and the single front brake is a great setup for cruising around town. Just throw a couple of condoms onto those bars and you're in business.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

BSNYC Product Review: No Holds Barred

Among other things, the terms of my selling out stipulate that I must review products. Consequently, to walk into my home is to wade waist-deep through boxes and boxes of bicycle product. In fact, my living room makes Cadence look like Recycle-A-Bicycle. It’s gotten so bad that "Velonews" technical guru and whiz-bangery apologist Lennard Zinn has tried to break in so many times I’ve had to put a Jobst Brandt scarecrow outside. So I figured it’s time I reviewed something so I can get one more thing out of the house.

But even though I’m a sell-out, I won’t just review anything. No, if I’m going to review something it has to give me that feeling of pulse-pounding excitement all gear whores live for—it’s like that feeling you get right after you swallow a pill without knowing what it is and right before whatever it’s supposed to do to you starts happening. Unfortunately, I opened package after package and just didn’t get that sensation. That is, until I opened the one containing the Cinelli Neo Morphe handlebar. As soon as I opened the box and pulled that twisted carbon out from beneath the dozens of stale cannoli Cinelli had used for packing material, I knew this was it.


Sure, I know what you’re thinking when you hear “Cinelli.” You’re thinking, “Why don’t they put a bullet in this company already?” Apart from some nice cork tape and the Supercorsa, what have they given the cycling world since their old 26.4 bar clamp “standard” and a whole lotta quasi-innovative flash? With their latest line of products, Cinelli aren’t just thinking outside the box. They’re wrapping the box in metallic paper, placing it under an over-decorated Christmas tree, putting the whole thing in South Beach, Miami, and having the world’s tackiest holiday party. Cinelli have become the bicycle equivalent of a middle-aged divorcee in a Versace dress who drinks too much and starts hanging all over you in a hotel bar. They’re like Irenie in that scene from “Pootie Tang” where she’s sexually assaulting Truckie.

But this handlebar was something different. As all cyclists know, there’s just something objectionable about old-fashioned handlebars. Simply grabbing a piece of bent tubing transports you back to a time before universal suffrage, Polio vaccine, and indoor plumbing, and that’s a trip you don’t want to take. Meanwhile, as soon as I picked up the Cinelli Neo Morphe I started running around the house in my underwear, pretending to pilot the Millennium Falcon and making laser noises before I even knew what I was doing.

If you’re unfamiliar with the history of road bike handlebars, here it is in a nutshell. First there was this:

Then there was the “ergo bend.”



Then “classic bend” became the new ergo. (“Classic bend” is the same as the old-fashioned bars, but in black).

Then bars with flat tops became the new classic bend.


Then came the Cinelli Neo Morphe and buried them all.

OK, so it was time to install these bars on one of the BSNYC test-cycles (I’m fortunate to have two test-cycles). Unfortunately, there were no visible bolts on my shift levers, so for the life of me I couldn’t figure out how to get them off. After wrestling with them for a couple of hours I gave up and brought everything to the LBS. The mechanic disappeared for four minutes, brought everything back to me ready to go, and charged me $75. The one thing I did do was wrap the bars myself once I got back home. I used Saran Wrap for three reasons: 1) it’s easier than fussing with complicated tape; 2) it shows off the bars; and 3) it lets me read the markings on the bar that mark the locations of the “Palm Zone,” “Power Zone,” “3 Finger Zone,” and “Revers Grip Zone.” (Thankfully, the text is all in English.)

My plan was to try these out on the local group ride, but as we all know you should always test something first before doing a race or a hard training ride. So I took the test-cycle for a spin around the block. It’s hard for me to describe just how sublime these handlebars are, but I’ll do my best. Just remember the most erotic dream you’ve ever had. Remember how your hands moved all over your partner, caressing every curve. Now fix those contours in carbon fiber and bolt them onto the front of your bike with a 31.8 stem. That on librium is what it’s like to ride these bars.

I rolled up to the start of the group ride and immediately received the “oohs” and “ahhs” from other riders that every serial upgrader longs for. As we rolled out, I put my hands in the “Palm Zone” and started to spin. Soon the pace increased and the pack got strung out. I started to lose the wheel in front of me, so I moved my hands to the “Power Zone.” And that’s when it happened. I started going fast—really fast. Soon the other riders were a blur, and then they were gone. Suddenly I felt like I was in a vortex and I started passing riders that weren't even there: recumbents; Bonneville salt flat land speed record-breakers; guys on tri-bikes wearing Lt. Dangle short-shorts. Then, impossibly, I started going even faster. Like “Spaceballs,” I hit plaid, but then I leapfrogged plaid and went straight to argyle lycra. Then everything went black.

I eventually came to lying on the side of the road, just past the final sprint point. My bike was gone and all that was left were the Cinelli Neo Morphe bars I was still clutching in my hands. The rest of the group arrived 45 minutes later. Just try that with your aluminum classic bends.

Cinelli just raised the bar.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Fixedgeargallery...of twisted metal

Awhile ago I wrote about handlebar setup because it's a subject that is important to me. Lately I've been seeing more and more awkward, outlandish, and downright freaky handlebar setups, particularly on fixed-gear bicycles. Look, I understand a little experimentation and creativity can be a good thing--the hatchet job of today could certainly become the commuter bar of tomorrow. And mutations in nature are important because they spur evolutionary change. However, sometimes mutations are just mutations. And frankly, some of these mutations should be rounded up and hanged by torch-wielding locals. I'm guessing handlebar setup wasn't among the subjects discussed at the recent Symposium, because here are three disasters from the latest batch of bikes on Fixedgeargallery. These riders shouldn't be behind the handlebars of a bicycle; they should be behind the bars of a prison cell:


"Just Call Me Stubby"

The whole incredibly short flat bar thing started with messengers, who cut their bars down so they could slip through traffic. However, non-messengers started picking up the look, attracted to both the minimalist appearance of the bike as well as the riding position it creates, which evokes someone fighting to hold onto their scarf which they accidentally flushed down the toilet while still wearing it. Now, it is simply a fashion statement--there is no other reason you'd ever want bars this narrow, since your handling will become squirrellier than a Beatrix Potter story. (Correct bar width can be approximated by using the distance between your shoulder blades. And while people might argue the validity of that method, I think we can all agree that it should not be based on the distance between your nipples.) On this bike, you can see the stubby bar look in extremis. Note the pinch bolt-mounted brake lever. Nothing like compromising your braking integrity and your stem integrity all at once. I admit, I've never been to Canton, Ohio, so I don't know if conditions warrant this sort of handlebar setup, but something tells me in this case the choice was motivated less by congestion and more by style. But since no real "style" is in evidence on this machine, I'm thinking perhaps the motivation might have been nostalgia for a certain childhood pastime. The bike probably handles similarly too:




"Old Skool? More Like Home-Skooled."


This chainless beaut is set up to evoke the track racers of old, but instead it evokes a crappy old Schwinn that has hit a pothole hard enough to rotate the bars. It's difficult for me to envision a viable riding position that wouldn't involve lying on the saddle with your feet sticking out behind you. It's not difficult, however, for me to imagine these bars as a giant pair of eyebrows. And I'm thinking of a couple in particular. (I've always wanted to pretend I was riding Sam Donaldson's head.)




"Fangs for the Memories"




But of all the untenable handlebar setups out there, this one is certainly among the worst I've seen. Could someone out there please explain to me how you are supposed to operate those brake levers? It's gotta be like trying to eat an apple with your hands tied behind your back while the apple hangs from the chandelier by a string. Or are they intended as foot pedals? I will admit, though, they do give the bike a certain snakelike menace. (Kind of vampiric too--this thing's a cape away from being a character in an Anne Rice novel. Note the creepy bird in the upper-left corner.) I can imagine the rider rear-ending a car because he can't get enough leverage on the brake, endoing, and getting his bike fangs stuck in the sheet metal.



Monday, July 2, 2007

It's All in the Details: The Bar Scene

For cyclists, in some ways, times have never been better. Our retail outlets are brimming with bicycles and components that not too long ago would have been considered hard-to-find "specialty" items. Road, mountain, track, and cyclocross complete bikes, frames, and parts are all readily available at the LBS or online.

As a result of this bounty, there has been a commingling of componentry like never before. Mountain bike pedals on track bikes, disc brakes on 'cross bikes, flat bars on road bikes--people are using whatever wherever to suit their particular riding styles. They're disregarding intended use, so long as the component does the job.

Perhaps the most commingling has occurred with handlebars. The lines between road and offroad, track and road, and so forth, have blurred considerably. Now, I'm all for comfort, but sometimes I think this handlebar promiscuity has gone too far. Coupled with this, there's also just a general disregard for proper handlebar setup, as well as a sacrifice of functionality for the sake of style. Some of this is due to mixing and matching, some is due to ignorance, some to vanity, and some to neglect. Here are some examples:

Maiming

"Flop n' Chop"

With the fixed gear explosion has come a mass butchering of handlebars that would make Stalin blush. What is this compulsion to neuter the simple road bar by cutting off the hooks and removing the means by which you can most effectively transfer power to the bike? Somewhere in the trendier neighborhoods of our nation's cities there must be vast killing fields of dismembered drops like endless expanses of severed walrus tusks. A person more enterprising than myself might find these graveyards and sell the remains to Cinelli so they can make more of those stupid Spinacis.

Excessively Chopped Straight Bars

Before the bullhorn and the riser bar, the flat mountain bike handlebar was appropriated for street use. These things are fairly wide, so it's normal on- or off-road to cut them down. It lets you pass between trees or cars, depending on where you're using them. However, truncating them so there's only a fistful of aluminum on either side of the stem is just vain affectation. Just because messengers do it doesn't make it a good idea. I won't take the time to explain the concept of leverage here, but on a bicycle it's something you want. Most of these riders will never see a real hill so it's not an issue, but on the East River crossings they look like they're trying to open a bottle of wine while holding it between their knees, or like Bill Murray in "Caddyshack" cutting new holes in the green. And forget handling--unless you want your bike to be twitchier than a chihuahua with a nerve disorder, go easy with the hacksaw.

Poor Positioning


Bullhorns

I'm not a tremendous fan of bullhorn handlebars for street use, but it's certainly better than maiming an innocent drop bar. If you're going to go this route, just please install your lever correctly. Don't put it on with the lever tip pointing forward, so that your bike looks like a pike fish swimming with its mouth open. Also, try to keep the bars somewhat level. I know they're called bullhorns, but TT bars pointed skyward makes it look like you're riding an antelope. And if you prefer to ride with your arms straight out in front of you, perhaps you'd be more comfortable in a car gripping a steering wheel, or on a subway holding a magazine.

Risers with Quill Stems

Using risers on a street bike is better than drop bars with grips on the tops. At least the rider has come to terms with the fact that he or she will be staying in the upright position. And sure, sometimes you need a little more bar height than your steer tube would otherwise allow. But very often I see bikes with quill stems and riser bars with the stem lowered to its minimum height. Why not just use regular bars and raise the stem? There's a reason you didn't see risers much until the threadless thing took over. And yes, I realize it works just fine, but it's making five lefts to go right--like using air conditioning and the heat at the same time--and consequently inelegant.

Rotation on Drop Bars

Depending on what's comfortable and where you like your levers you might opt to rotate your bars up or down a bit. But often I see riders with their bars angled way, way down, so that the drops form the letter "U." The only explanation I can possibly come up with is that their bars are slipping a little bit each day, and it's so incremental they're just not noticing it. Either that or they just want to feel like they're holding on to two umbrella handles while they ride. And I don't even think I need to mention people who rotate their bars all the way up, so that their brake levers are on top and parallel with the ground. These people are generally riding old ten speeds along boardwalks, wearing flip-flops and pedaling with their heels, and as such are so beyond knowing (or caring) what they're doing that they're outside of the jurisdiction of this site.
(Not what you want to hold while riding.)

Bar Ends Pointing Straight Up

Your bar ends are to give you leverage and a more forward hand position should you need it. Yet for some reason every week or so I see somebody with his bar ends pointed directly skyward. These things exist for a purpose, and it's not to make your bike look like an attentive lemur. A good rule of thumb is to angle them using your stem as a guideline--unless of course you've got a vertical stem.
(Adorable--but not a guideline for proper bar setup.)

Bar Ends on Riser Bars

There are certain rules of thumb in cycling that exist for no good reason except that adherence to them means you're "in the know." And the admonition to not use bar ends on riser bars is one of those rules. Those of you who choose to disregard the rules and do whatever works best for you are certainly more enlightened than me, I will freely admit. That said, ditch the bar ends on riser bars--it looks stupid.

Dressing

The Mummy

Yes, bar tape can tear, and you don't always have the time or inclination to purchase costly cork and re-tape your bars. Especially on a commuter, or at the end of a long racing season when just looking at your bike makes you want to throw up. In these cases, temporarily fixing the problem with a little electrical tape is acceptable. However, what is never acceptable is letting loose tape flutter in the breeze so that your bike looks like an old-time movie monster. Bar tape hanging off your bars is the equivalent of having toilet paper stuck to your shoe. And while I'm at it, if you don't know how to tape your bars properly, take tomorrow off, stay home, and learn.

Full Frontal Nudity

I see more and more people riding with completely bare bars these days. Please, out of decency, cover your naked, shivering bars. I don't know if people don't know how to tape them, or they just think it looks cool. But there's just nothing cool about grabbing your bars with sweaty, gloveless hands and sliding off the drops. It's like trying to handle porcelain after eating a meal of greasy spare ribs. Except the latter won't cost you your teeth.

Just Plain Overdoing It

Integrated Carbon Bar/Stems

This is one of those bad ideas manufacturers just don't seem to be able to leave alone. Pros don't even ride these things. What is the wisdom of a system that saves no weight while simultaneously preventing you from changing your stem length, stem angle, bar width, and bar angle without tossing the whole thing? In the case of the FSA Plasma, you can have the convenience of this setup for the low, low price of almost $600--which can buy you a pretty decent frame in some parts of the world. Personally I'd rather commit to a tattoo of my bar/stem setup than actually physically fix it in stone (or carbon) like these things force you to do. At least with the tattoo I can still be comfortable. (And I can cover it up with my new bar/stem setup for less money.) If these things were the norm and regular "modular" bars and stems were just coming out they'd be hailed as a brilliant innovation. They also look dated in about six months--remember the Cinelli Integralter? Neither do they.

Clip-On Aero Bars of Any Kind

Unless you are actually riding a TT and need to adapt your road bike to the purpose, please think twice before you bolt all kinds of extensions, forearm pads, beverage containers, and digital readouts on your bars. Some people seem to think they will find zen if they can attain every conceivable hand position possible. But it is never possible. Buddhists will tell you that material gain will never bring you true fulfillment, and I'm here to tell you that multiple hand positions won't bring you true cycling fulfillment. Instead, one day you'll get so frustrated you'll dispense with the aero extensions altogether and find yourself riding a recumbent. And trust me, you do not want to wind up rolling around town looking like a guy lying on the ground and trying to fight off an attacking eagle with his feet.