Friday, September 14, 2007

Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads #20 (and #21, and #22, and #23, and #24)

Craigslist is like a composting toilet--everybody in town just keeps bringin' the crap. And if cycling culture is a rock, Craigslist is the disgusting mess of insects, worms and larvae that you find wriggling around beneath it when you flip it over. Prepare to lose your appetite:

hey douchebag on the iro [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/422230951.html]
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2007-09-14, 10:29AM EDT
yeah you on smith st. in brooklyn, this is the second time you've almost nailed me. I know you're cool and all on your fixie but how about actually looking into intersections before you bomb thru red lights. If you do it again I'm gonna go cinzano on your ass.

Hey, I think I've seen that IRO! What a shame. I never thought IROs would become the new IROCs.





pink surly fixie - $200 (Union Square) [http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/bik/422062375.html]
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2007-09-14, 1:55AM EDT
chris king hs, thomson stem, avid disc in front, yay.... i need to stop and my legs too skiiny. i'm getting a black iro, black is the new pink

Speaking of douchebags on IROs, looks like there's going to be another one soon. Why would you do this to a Surly 1x1? All this thing needs is a couple of pink bottle cages to hold a couple bottles of Pepto-Bismol. Not only will they look great, but you'll need them to settle your stomach every time you look down at the monstrosity you're riding. I've got to thank this person for one thing, though--now I know what the inside of a dead body looks like.





fixie project - $50 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/422054493.html]
Reply to: [deleted]
Date: 2007-09-14, 1:34AM EDT
N-I-C-E. Need bb, cranks, pedals and chain.

Oh, you'll need one other thing--a tetanus shot.

2007 Gang Green Bianchi Pista for Sale (57cm) - $600 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/421445886.html]
Reply to: [deleted]

2007-09-13, 12:46PM EDT
2007 Bianchi Pista for sale; I'm moving to London on Monday, so ideally it'd leave this weekend or tomorrow, tonight, whenever - just before Monday. Bought it in March '07 for about $640 w/ taxes and all that. Throwing in a Kryptonite lock ($60) and floor pump ($40). I think the whole thing was $750 in total, so for a bike that's only a couple months old and like-new shape, the price is fairly reasonable. Never crashed or hit or anything like that. Paint's fine all around; rides same as always.

Sorry if the pictures are a little dark.

I've got nothing against the venerable Bianchi Pista. I don't even mind that I see twenty of them a day. But what I do mind is that every single person who tries to sell one on Craigslist tries to sell it at or above full MSRP. Like this guy. Oh, wait, he's actually going to take a $40 hit and throw in some free crap. My mistake. And hey, no need to apologize for the dark pictures. We all know what a Pista looks like. But what's with the reversed image? Is the bike dyslexic? (Or fix-lexic?) If so you should just take it to London with you--it will be quite comfortable on the wrong side of the road.



Track Free Wheel Blue (Tall Frame) Bicycle New Rims, Tire, Chain, Bars - $280 [original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/bik/420377345.html]
Reply to: [deleted]

Date: 2007-09-12, 7:27AM EDT
Pleased to present a Track Free Wheel Blue Bicycle With New Rims, Tire, Chain, Handle, Bars, seat, Grips, break levers, Fork (upgraded to a all chrome new fork), cables & peddles. The frame is 25’’ inches & the rims are aluminum 27x 1 ¼’’ inches. Deliver is very is available & Please email or call me (347) 733-2079 Peter; if you have any questions & Thank you for your inquire. Note: All of our bicycles are professionally tuned & reconditioned. You are invited to copy & past out web link below to view our past (many more same style) bicycles.


The original fixed-gear chop shop was bad enough. Now there's a new retard on the scene. What in the goddamn hell is a "track free wheel bicycle?" Why do people just take a bunch of trendy bike words and string them together like brain-damaged parrots when they sell stuff on Craiglist? Speaking of brain damage, I'm not picky when it comes to spelling, but one mistake I cannot stomach is spelling "pedals" "peddles." Dear Idiot: a "pedal" is the thing your foot goes on, and "peddle" is what you're trying to do with your crap.



92 comments:

bikesgonewild said...

...sheesh, bikesnob, give the guy a brake...

...oh, ya, please send me back my chrome silca w/ the metal campagnolo tip...thanx...it's old school hip...

Anonymous said...

I totally agree. Snob, if you were me i would be so much cooler.

Russ said...

Wait, $200 for that Surly? With a King headset and Thomson stem? I don't care WHAT color it is.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Russ,

Price is right and definitely salvageable. Hopefully it finds a good home. If it does I like to think I've helped.

--BSNYC

Pete said...

Um... the pink fixie ad is a fraud. The bike actually belongs to the owner of my LBS, Panther City Bicycles, in Fort Worth, Tx.

Bernie's bike



-Pete

bikesgonewild said...

...so an iro ridden in nyc would be an IRONY...black, no less...

..ok, ok, sorry, don't let me get started on pink & surly...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Pete,

Duped! Thanks for the catch. The low price and the topiary should have tipped me off.

It's still ugly, though. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

--BSNYC

Wunderkind said...

Pete, rare opportunity here... give us some more color on the kind of person that would make a pink fixie happen in Forth Worth Texas! I can't really think of a more frightening scenario than piloting that bad boy through the stockyards on a friday night.

Miriam said...

"...Deliver is very is available..." how did you not pick up on that? I'm not a huge grammar/spelling nazi, but thats pretty bad.

Retarded indeed.

Russ said...

Kinda figured it was either a scam or stolen. Alas.

Oh yeah, about IRO/IROC--there's a dude I've seen 'round town on a black IRO with some sort of spiral optometrist's nightmare of a disc wheel on the back who changed his one downtube sticker to read "IROC." I need to start carrying my camera more often.

Pete said...

Re the pink surly, the owner is actually quite a cool guy. The pink beast is mostly used as his commuting bike; since he only lives a mile from the store, through a quiet residential area, it works out really well- even through the wickedly violent monsoonish spring/summer we had this year. Note that it definitely comes properly equipped with a front brake.

But yeah, it's ugly :)

I do the shop ride most Monday nights with these guys. The ugly pink fixie is never there; he rides a genuinely gorgeous Chorus-equipped Gran Criterium for the road.
-Pete

meh-wee-uhn said...

If there's one thing that is sure to get me seething in rage it is seeing ads on Craigslist. "I bought it for x$ 2 months ago, rode it twice, still shiny, I'm selling it for $x- $.01. BARGAIN!"
Ugh.

And I was all set to write you a "Dear BSNYC" letter after your fully integrated comment but then you won me back over with the fixie briss comment.

Art said...

I'm guessing at least a half dozen guys read that first one and thought it was bout them. Maybe two of them understood the Cinzano reference.

bikesgonewild said...

...pete's comments about the pink surly owner makes me realize the guy is for-real hip...
...works in a shop...actually rides & on a sharp looking campagnolo equipped masi gran crit...
...truly ugly surly yet w/ king & thomson stuff...man's making a ironic fix f.u. statement, bikesnob...ft. worth no less...gotta be tough...slipped right under the radar...

AnnaZed said...

Noted first the English-as-a-second-language nature of the pink bike post. Then with the reveal that it is a stolen photo of some bike from Texas I am left to wonder what exactly is the purpose of the scam on craigslist? To lure an unsuspecting hipster to your lair for nefarious purposes, what purposes? Seriously, that is very strange.

Anonymous said...

Dear New York - please keep your fixie riders. We already have a problem with Brompton riders and things dont need to get any worse.

Yours faithfully,

London

BikeSnobNYC said...

Bikesgonewild,

Yes, the Surly definitely takes on a new dimension now that we know the truth. (By the way, I thought about buying it.)

Annazed,

If I weren't so modest I'd speculate maybe they wanted to get a fake ad picked up on this blog.

London,

We have no choice--Portland's full.

--BSNYC

Joel said...

The blue frame is kind of nice. With luck the buyer will pull it from the fixie hell it finds itself in and restore it to the 10 speed it was meant to be.

AnnaZed said...

“If I weren't so modest I'd speculate maybe they wanted to get a fake ad picked up on this blog.”

Ah, no doubt that’s it. Well that beats my other theories of white slave rings or serial killers with a specific Willamsburg hipster fetish, or (likely more lethal) the chop-shop-welded-cog lady playing a bait and switch.

Jim said...

First of all... what kind of person does that to a nice Surly? He may be a great guy, but I suspect he did that to exorcise some demons relating to his childhood.

Second, what happened to that Ferrous Oxide Special? Did thieves take it, ride it around Lower Manhattan for a couple hours, then leave it on the side of the LIE and set it on fire after they stole the top tube pad and spoke cards off it?

Third, I'd be careful about making Cinzano references to hipsters. They'll think you're inviting them to have a drink and some antipasto in one of the two non-Chinese Eye-Tie restaurants left in Little Italy, and dis you as a total tourist.

Fourth, that "I'm moving to XingXangXong China TONITE and MUST sell" crap is like a screaming red light / fire siren screeching out "I'M PROBABLY STOLEN AND IF YOU BUY ME AND MY REAL OWNER SEES YOU, HE WILL BEAT YOUR ASS WITH A FUNGO BAT. NOT SUCH A BARGAIN NOW, AM I?"

Fifth and finally, somebody asked me today if I actually found this blog and the commenters funny. I said, "Depends." She said, "Depends?" I said, "Yeah. Put your Depends on before you read it, so when you pee your pants, you won't wreck your chair." Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.

Anonymous said...

Assuming the tetanus bike ad isn't also a fraud, it's worth $50 just for what appears to be an SLR saddle. Just remove the saddle from its post, which appears to be made from a tree branch, and tell the seller he can keep the rest of the bike.

gewilli said...

"We have no choice--Portland's full.
--BSNYC"

LMFAO

who doesn't get the cinzano reference?

oh and BSNYC,
ya know people are prolly on to ya and are just posting sh1t to see if you'll bite? That or

you actually were the one posting all that just to generate something for you to write about...

(still funny even if 100% fabricated)

Pete said...

The tetanus bike ad is also a fraud, the bike happens to belong to a guy in Australia. Not sure how many people in NYC have backyards let alone one big enough to take a pic like that in...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Gewilli and Pete,

Well, I'm not behind those ads. Even I don't have that kind of time... I think Gewilli's first theory may be correct. Thanks for the heads-up, Pete.

--BSNYC

mr.complaint said...

A "track free wheel bicycle" is actually called a Fakie.

bikesgonewild said...

...annazed...what would any self-respecting white slave ring do w/ a bunch 'a' tight-jeaned, chuck clad, ex-fix hipsters...a waste 'a' time 'n' money...no real skills (ah, i sorta, ah, know how to stand still on my bike)... no market value...

...if you get all pink & surly bikesnob, i'm gonna call it a bagina...

...anon 3:33, keep the saddle 'n' sell tetanus frame for good $$'s here on left coast...klunk...

...& last but not least, & you know who you are...hows the weather in nyc today...somebody been savin' a 'depends' joke for a rainy day...it worked...i did pee, but just a little...

Anonymous said...

Speaking of Portland, here is the standard fare you will find here:

http://portland.craigslist.org/wsc/bik/421881723.html

A coaster brake and "alloy cranks," 52 x 14!

Doesn't it just make you want to pack your bags and move west?

Anonymous said...

Oops, here you go.

http://portland.craigslist.org/wsc/bik/421881723.html

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 4:58pm,

Oh god no! And is that one of those cranks with the riveted-on chainring? Someone was trying to sell one of those on NYC Craigslist awhile back for around $100. Riveted-on chainrings--exactly what you want on a fixed-gear.

--BSNYC

Joel said...

Anon 5:02: And the fixie did it to what appears to be a decent shape '75 Royce Union.

These fine old frames deserve better.

Adam said...

I love the "fixed" look bikes with coasters. There is one that would make you cry parked out front of my building on a fairlt reular basis.

rattle can black (a decent job)
chopped but not flipped, bare, unplugged bars and ....

a coaster brake hub laced to a gold deep V.

Bernie said...

I'm the douchebag with the pink Surly. I've had that frame built up as a Single Speed mountain bike for years, but I realized that w/ two sets of wheels and a front disc, I could use the same frame to ride fixed road AND off-road. So that's why I used my old 1x1.

I'll send a picture of the bike with the dirt wheels/tires.

I'm usually the first to admit it's ugly, but I kind of like that about it. Homely bikes need love, too.

It was weird that this whole thread happened today. My friend Hasty and I were just discussing the BikeSnobNYC blog this morning, and how funny the CL rants are.

Wunderkind- the Stockyards aren't so scary. FW is kind of the under-the-radar cycling mecca of TX these days. Say "Bike-friendly" and "Texas" and most people think Austin, but FW has the same vibe without all the jerks. Drivers are at least 10x friendlier here. I'm not saying they'e grrrreat or anything, but they're better than anywhere else in TX for sure.

-Bernie Scheffler

BikeSnobNYC said...

Bernie,

Thanks for posting and helping to clear this up! (And for having a sense of humor.) Yes, its ugliness is endearing. But make no mistake, it is ugly. Though I think the main reason for that is that the frame and the rims are two different shades of pink.

That said, I still have two questions:

1) Who posted the fake ad and why?

2) So, like, is it for sale or what?

--BSNYC

Bernie said...

To answer the second q, it's definitely not for sale.

Somebody else is going to answer question 1. My guess is somebody found the picture and was making fun of the bike, but I don't know. Seems weird to post a picture from a TX blog on Craigslist NYC.

Anonymous said...

The one that drives me nuts is `brake' vs `break' .. come on people!

Alexi said...

haha, the cinzano post was me... i'm gonna kill that fucker! shit shouldn't say that in public.

Philip Williamson said...

BikeSnob, you have no soul.

Pink Bike is awesome. Just looking at it fills me with glee. Today I got ORANGE grips installed on my blue and orange mountain bike. It already has blue pedals. The grips balance the color, so it isn't 'orange-heavy' in the back, which totally slows you down.
Pink bike is all that "haha there's a stick in your eye!" joy and so much more.

Plus, pink bike reminds me of a story about a fella who had a tee shirt that read across the back "you just got spanked by a fat guy on a pink bike!"

Tetanus Bike is also awesome.

Look beyond your "metallic blue is the new metallic silver" aesthetic and see the true possibilities of color: to crush your enemy. See him driven before you. Hear the lamentations of his vimmen.

Anonymous said...

I can confirm the Skidstar (Tetanus) bike is a fraud. Yes the bike is in Australia.

bryan said...

u have a blog and u make money w/ adsense?! right on!

snowmosexual said...

nice meeting you and your friends

Dicky said...

The 'tetanus bike' ad is definitely a fraud. I own it.

It's a late 60s Malvern Star Skidstar GT I picked it up for 20 bucks at a local junkyard. - fork was badly bent, rest of the parts were a writeoff due to rust.

This photo was just a quick mockup.
The seatpost is jammed into the frame, hence the old wooden screwdriver instead.

Thanks for the name, I might just keep it :D

For those playing at home, it won't be built up like this - plans resemble its original build, with a few hints of Alan Bond's beautiful klunkers thrown in.

As you were...

Dicky
Sydney, Australia

dicky said...

...as for the tetanus effect, it's just orange paint + probably 30 years of being left outside.

Hmmm maybe I'll just clearcoat it...

BikeSnobNYC said...

Philip,

Of course you're right. Would someone with a soul have a blog like this? By the way, you don't build a bike like that if you don't want some negative attention. What's the point of poking someone in the eye with a stick if they don't cry out in pain?

Dicky,

Thanks for claiming Tetanus Bike. I holy hope your vaccinations are up to date...

--BSNYC

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