BSNYC Friday Self-Flagellation Session!

Firstly, as I mentioned yesterday, I will be unhooking a BRA tomorrow at 4:30pm at Cyclesport bike shop in Park Ridge, NJ. In addition to giving a short presentation, if enough people show up with Serottas, I will hold an impromptu Serotta pageant and award some sort of prize (such as a t-shirt that will turn you into a walking advertisement for this blog) to the winner. Of course, this is contingent upon anybody showing up at all, though I can't imagine there's anything better to do in that part of Jersey at 4:30pm on a Saturday--and if there is, I'd like to know about it, so that I can blow off my own BRA and partake in it as well.

Speaking of BRAs, the following weekend, on Saturday, October 30th at 2:00pm, I will be having another one at the Philly Bike Expo. Not only that, but the organizers are also offering a weekend all-access pass special that includes a copy of my book, currently #1 on the New York Times Bestseller list and the book Oprah Winfrey actually called "fan-fucking-tastic" when she had me on the show:

That's an entire weekend of bike dorkery and some light bathroom reading, all for the low, low price of $30. You'd have to be crazy not to take advantage of these big, big savings! What else are you going to do with $30, anyway? Get your genome sequenced? All that's going to tell you is that you're carrying the genetic marker for being crazy for not taking advantage of these big, big savings.

Speaking of "crazy," it is often used interchangeably with the word "zany," and Zany Bicycle Cockpits (or "ZBCs") continue to trickle in for the First (And Last) Annual BSNYC/RTMS Cockpit of the Year Award (or "Cockies"), the finalists of which I will decide at precisely the moment I get around to it. Unfortunately, since these "Cockie" submissions are more tardy than a messenger running the "Spokane tubeless," they are officially ineligible, though still entertaining. For example, here's one rider busting a sweet "elephant trunk skid" with some shopping cart bars:


And here's another late submission direct from the plumbing supply section at the Home Depot:


This car bumper cockpit, on the other hand, was submitted on time and in accordance with the contest rules, and thus will receive the full consideration of the jury:

Pending all of that, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right try not to wet your shants with excitement, and if you're wrong you'll see the fixed-gear crotch cam, forwarded by a reader.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and keep your hands on your "cockie."

--BSNYC/RTMS

1) Which kangaroo deterrent has been "Protecting Australians Since 1986?"

--The KangaRid
--The ShuRoo
--The George Foreman Marsupial-B-Gon
--The Animatronic Paul Hogan

2) Yahoo Serious (né Dogpile Humorous) is the First Lady of Australia:

--True

--False




3) Why is The Masked Night Rider smiling?

--He has received a text message from his drug dealer notifying him that he has some oven-fresh crack for sale

--He has selected an awesome tune on his iPod

--He has selected the perfect fixed gear ratio with the aid of his skid patch calculator iPhone "app"

--There's a sale on Paul Mitchell hair care products and he's about to say "buh-bye" to those split ends

(Human sundial indicating 8:00am.)

4) Why is this woman not smiling?

--She is protesting a new bike lane in Brooklyn
--She is protesting a proposed statewide sales tax on turtlenecks

--She is protesting a proposed citywide ban on adult teddy bear ownership

--She has not known a lover's touch in over 40 years

(Champion cyclist Tara Whitten kneels before the Holy of Holies)

5) The above bicycle could only belong to:

--Taylor Phinney

--The Lone Wolf

--Bart Kaufman, owner of the World's Greatest Madone

--The Masked Night Rider

(Remote smoking technique prevents beard fires.)

6) Apparently, being a bike messenger in Vancouver is a non-stop thrill ride.

--True
--zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

("Whuh...?")

7) Apparently, being a bike messenger in Vancouver is a non-stop thrill ride.

--True

--Whuh...?

***Special Cartoon Catch Phrase-Themed Bonus Question***

(Bart Simpson is excited about his new road bike.)

Complete the following Bart Simpson catch phrase:

"Get ____."

--Outta here

--Stuffed

--A life

--'Bent