Tuesday, January 30, 2018

This Title Has A Pressure-Relieving [ ] Cutout In The MIddle!

Remember when it seemed like you couldn't go a day without reading a news story about how cycling purées your genitals into a state of total uselessness?  Well, my latest Outside column is about how that's a load of crap:



Hey, I'm not saying bad fit or technique can't cause extreme crotchal discomfort, but I am saying that the idea that we're all pedaling ourselves into complete asexuality is a conspiracy to keep people off bicycles--or to sell saddles with cutouts in them, I can't decide which.

Sort of like how helmet-shaming is a conspiracy to keep people off bicycles--or to sell more helmets, I can't decide which.



In addition to setting me up with the bike, Chris from Marin also outlined a delightful route for me, which happened to pass by a lovely little bakery.  Well, I recently received an email from him letting me know this happened:


At least six patrons suffered minor injuries after a car crashed Sunday afternoon into the popular Wild Flour Bread bakery in Freestone, the CHP said.

The crash involving a silver BMW hatchback was reported just after 12:30 p.m. The driver, who wasn’t identified, was pulling into a parking spot when he hit the accelerator instead of the brake and plowed into the Bohemian Highway bakery, CHP Sgt. Eric Iverson said.

“It was full of patrons,” he said.

You know how it is.  One minute you're making a mid-ride fuel stop, and the next you're picking glass out of your scone:


Fortunately, nobody's more helpful than cyclists:


Though I'm sure a lie about swerving to avoid one will be instrumental in the driver's defense.

I guess what I'm saying is that if this had happened two years ago and I didn't have a wheat allergy and had actually visited the bakery I could be dead right now.

Think about it.

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

podium

Watch and Camera Guy said...

Podium?

wle said...

podianus!


how did that bike guy just happen to be at the jaws of life bakery in freedonia californy RIGHT THEN!?

HM>?

wle

HDEB said...

Oops, mistook my pedals for my brake levers ; )

Jake said...

I've been using my saddle as birth control. Not effective?

Trama said...

When I heard of the BMW crashing into the bakery, I was sure it was going to have some sweet cranbon bieks on a rack. Alas, no FRED SLED. Perhaps we should make manual transmissions standard, until self driving models are completed. Nobody confuses forwards and backwards with that setup.

Pist Off said...

Bakery Mutilation Wagon

JLRB said...

With something more than 60 vehicle-into-building crashes per day, storefront crashes are a national problem.

Brought to you by Bollards R'US

JLRB said...

“a neuropathy where she cannot send information from her clitoris to her brain.”

Maybe Goldie should work on his technique

Anonymous said...

OMG, another My Helmet Saved My Life story. I've always laughed at the people who walked around inside with their helmets strapped. Well no more. If he wasn't wearing that thing, he'd be under that BMW.

sick and tired of being sick and tired said...

Is the driver of the beamer still in the car in that photo? Maybe s/he thought it was a drive through?

McFly said...

Holy shit you borrowed a bike and gave it back?

I'm very disappointed.

Mark said...

Was Terry the one who started the whole modern anatomic saddle cutout trend in the 1980's? ISTR Miyata may have also had saddles with cutouts too. And the first Brooks I saw with a cutout in the 1990's I thought was DIY.

Regarding fit, I've heard that saddle tilt down past old UCI rules helped:
One of the major contributing factors to saddle discomfort and health issues we did discover was the UCI ruling that saddles were only allowed a tilt of less than 2.5 degrees with a 0.5 degree margin of error. We presented our findings to the UCI and they have since increased the angle of tilt to nine degrees with a tolerance of one degree. This has had a major impact on rider health, for both men and women, across the sport. -https://www.britishcycling.org.uk/knowledge/bike-kit/set-up/article/izn20160510-Set-up-Women’s-saddle-issues-0

Hee Haw the barista said...

GLTN FREE

Anonymous said...

As per your instructions, I thought about your bakery near death experience, but drew a blank, so I went ahead and checked out the Outside piece, and there's not even a single occurrence of the words "scranus" or "vulvanus" anywhere in the text!

I'm not really entitled complain, but today's output has left me feeling a little unsated. Neither is it my place to tell you how to do your job, but would it have killed you to post a video of someone doing something stupid on a bike or perhaps ridicule some stupid kickstarter campaign?

I need my quotient of stupid.

Chazu said...

"Comfort is the bottom line."

I see what you did there.

As the father of ten or more children, you single-handedly debunked the myth of bikecycling impotency.

Of course, none of this applies to female cyclists who ride through the intersection of Seaman and Cummings. Their fertility rates must be near 100%

Anonymous said...

Last year, I was at a coffee shop and a learner reamed her car against the side wall of the coffee shop. The car did not go through the wall but there was clear damage to the structure.

Can you imagine if people drove manual transmission in the US of A? People would NEVER be able to step on the right pedal.

theEel said...

sweeeeeed.

Fourhourerection said...

@Trama-Trudat.

leroy said...

My dog assures me that saddle-related impairments are not an issue for me given my lack-of-personality disorder.

Which is a relief because a post that starts out debunking an impotency myth, but abruptly segues to a vacation with spouse two years earlier, leaves one greatly relieved that the author wasn’t about to introduce his own progeny creation myth and instead was merely turning his attention to BMW on baked goods action.

Anonymous said...

Last time I swerved and crashed into a bakery it cost me some serious bread.

Philip Bey said...

Debunking reproductive organ dysfunction due to cycling: Mario Cipollini.

Fourhourerection said...

By the by, I wear a tux when cycling, because if I'm gonna be impotent, I wanna look impotent...

bad boy of the south said...

i'm glad that the injuries at the bakery were not severe.however,the placing of safety scones at the scene may help in the future.

Mr Plow said...

this was a conspiracy by "big saddle" to sell us new seats. i still use the banana seat from my huffy.

JLRB said...

Anyone who thinks bike saddles wreck your sex life is nutz

Anonymous said...

Jeez, I hate to be slightly serious, but might saddle pressure to the scranus increase Sexual dysfunction? Well, you hit on the vital variable "saddle comfort" I've ridden some pretty uncomfortable saddles in my day those itty Bitty thin titanium railed jobs, I have no doubt they didn't do me any favors and when I see a 400 lb. Lycra clad dude on a Colnago with a skinny little saddle; I have no doubt he's murdering his chances for an erection.
If there's a positive side to this it is that Saddles (for the most part) are way more comfortable then they used to be and far less likely to contribute to the problem going forward.
I've tried the new fangled Cut out and Channeled saddle and I can say that they DO make a big difference both with comfort and relieving pressure to the taint.

dnk said...

Holy shit Snob, thanks for that Outside piece. A public service.

Of course I had heard about the supposed connection between bicycling and impotency but didn't know what to make of it.

That Irwin Goldstein guy sounds like the Andrew Wakefield of cycling saddles. Next maybe he'll claim that riding a bike causes autism.

Bikeboy said...

Other long-time BSNYC will be equally disappointed... that he didn't use the term "scranus" in the Outside piece about saddles.

I'm a survivor of non-bicycle-related prostate cancer. (In my case, it's a hereditary thing.) Over the course of my treatment I became friends with a couple fine urologists, both of whom are also enthusiastic cyclists. (Just sayin'.)

LunaNueva said...

If riding a bicycle caused impotence, we wouldn’t be so many.

Pist Off said...

Seriously, China has hundreds of millions of everyday cyclists and they happen to be the most populous country on this beleaguered little rock. Does cycling based impotence only affect western Freds? ‘Cause I could actually support that.