Wait, it's Thursday? I thought it was Wednesday!

Wanna hear something ironical?

Sure you do.

Back when I had a real job I dressed several notches below "business casual," often commuting by means of the fabled "Ironic Orange Julius Bike:"

Which, owing to my penchant at the time for embroidered racing saddles, quickly devoured the seats of my pants:

They say "dress for success."  I didn't, and I wasn't, though which was the cause and which was the effect was unclear and ultimately irrelevant.

Anyway, it was of course while in thrall to the purgatory many people refer to as "employment" that I began typing away at a modest bicycle blog.  This blog quickly consumed my being like the saddle of the Ironic Orange Julius Bike consumed my pants.  I quit my job, wrote some books, co-curated some human children, and almost ten (10) years later her we are.

The end.

Just kidding.

Maybe.

So what's the ironical part?  Well, it's that now that I'm almost a decade into being a total bum I should find myself going multi-modal with the quintessential gentleperson's bike:

Contemplating neckties:

And standing before racks of uncomfortable-looking shoes that, inexplicably, do not accept road cleats:

Why?  Because I've fallen in with the Smugness Mafia, and as I mentioned in the Bike Forecast on Monday they wanted to put me in a suit for Bike to Work Week:

TransAlt Bike Month Ambassadors will be outfitted in AWEAR-TECH by AWEARNESS Kenneth Cole suits available exclusively at Men’s Wearhouse. AWEAR-TECH clothing uses 37.5 technology, an advanced fabric technology from the high-performance sports world. With this technology, patented active particles remove moisture in the vapor stage, before liquid sweat can form, making these tailored clothing items far more comfortable to wear. When you’re overheating, active particles in the fabric speed up evaporation and cooling. When you’re cold, the particles return the energy to warm the body. The suits are engineered from the yarn up, incorporating 37.5 technology in every layer, from the suit lining to the wool.

So last week I multi-modaled myself on down to the Men's Wearhouse for a fitting:

Lo, by Friday I was a schlub transformed, and my total suit holdings had increased by 100% to a grand total of two (2).  This means if I ever have to attend back-to-back funerals I won't have to wear the same thing twice in a row:

(Who died?  My inner dirtbag, that's who.)

Meet the Reservoir Dorks:

Of course this was the most time I'd spent in a suit since the last wedding I attended.  It was also at least 30 degrees warmer outside than it had been during that wedding, and unlike the wedding I spent much of this time riding a bicycle.  Nevertheless, despite riding around Manhattan and Brooklyn in temperatures that tickled the undercarriage of 90 degrees I was surprisingly comfortable.  So if you need to attend weddings, funerals, or actual jobs with any regularity and you would like to ride a bike to them, you might want to add one of these to your quiver/wardrobe/stable or whatever the Clothing Freds call them.

Next stop: Brompton World Championships!

In other news, meet Neva, the bike just for women:


In a time when the bike internet practically lives to call out the bicycle industry's inherent gender biases, it's almost quaint that they'd market this thing with a video montage consisting almost entirely of stock photos of fashion models:

In fact I'm pretty sure they just repurposed an old fragrance ad.

Lastly, Jason Gay takes a look at balance bike racing for the Wall Street Journal:

I am happy to report: No. The vibe in Fort Worth is somewhere between a soccer game and a pizza party. To be sure: Some young racers are really into it, and some parents, too. But most seem to be there simply for the spectacle and a good time. “Have fun, that’s the main thing,” a parent named Blayne Chambers tells me, even after as his son, Cason, winds up winning the 4-year-old category. “If he’s not having fun, there’s no sense doing it.”

May the Benevolent Lobster on High steer them from the Chasm of Fredness.