Thursday, January 26, 2017

This Post Optimized for Use With a VR Mask


Greetings from one of those evil "sanctuary cities" that stands to lose federal funding if we don't cooperate with the new mandate on illegal immigrants:


The defiant officials — from New York, Los Angeles, Chicago and smaller cities, including New Haven; Syracuse; and Austin, Tex., said they were prepared for a protracted fight.

“We’re going to defend all of our people regardless of where they come from, regardless of their immigration status,” Mayor Bill de Blasio of New York said at a news conference with other city officials.

It's very important we rid New York City of illegal immigrants because they take jobs that might otherwise go to hardworking Americans, such as those glamorous and high-paying bicycle food delivery gigs everybody's clamoring for:


I'm sure once the deportation squad finishes its work we'll see two (2) immediate effects: a mass migration of people from Appalachia and other depressed areas ready and willing to take advantage of this lucrative new job market, and of course the end of crime for all eternity.

Welcome to the new prosperity.

Then again, it's pretty unlikely this particular sanctuary city is going to lose out on any federal funding, for obvious reasons:


So there you go.

Meanwhile, further to yesterday's post, here's the crabon dick break failure porn of your wildest fantasies:
Disc brakes are of course a great solution to the problem of poor braking with carbon rims, so there's something sublimely delightful about making a rotor out of carbon.

If there's one thing that's true about cyclists it's that they have a strange aversion to metal, even when it's the ideal material for the job.  So at this rate you can expect bamboo brake rotors sometime within the next five years.

Speaking of the bicycle as an economic indicator, the New York Times Real Estate section has cast its monocle upon the village of Piermont, NY, one of the most popular destinations for New York City's cyclists:


Piermont is a place that owes its entire existence to bikes (it's not on a train line so the commute sucks) and if it weren't for the legions of Freds and Tridorks who do the same ride every single weekend and stop there to fuel up on coffee and muffins it would be little more than Nyack's pecker track:


Indeed, so intrinsic is the bicycle to Piermont's real estate values that errant Freds even wind up opening businesses there:

On a recent snowy Saturday, Piermont’s pier was deserted, except for anglers setting lines in the rocks and the occasional dog walker. But there was a 20-minute wait for brunch at 14 & Hudson, a two-and-a-half-year-old restaurant at 457 Piermont Avenue owned and managed by Eric Woods and his wife, Paula Clemente Woods. Like many people, Mr. Woods, who was previously the executive chef at Blue Fin in Times Square, discovered Piermont on his bike. (The town is popular with cyclists.) He said he was attracted by the foot traffic, but keeps his guard up: “A lot of transplanted New Yorkers live in Piermont, so they do have expectations.”

It should be clear by now to pretty much everybody that a large bicycle presence is an indicator that you live in a desirable community.  After all, when planning a ride, most cyclists don't say to each other, "Hey, let's head to a real shithole this weekend."  Nevertheless, Americans hate nothing more than giving the bicycle its due, as was apparent when the Times last visited Piermont for a story called "Boons and Banes of the Picturesque:" 

So magnetic is the village today, according to residents, that tourists and bicyclists often arrive in droves on weekends. The bicyclists often pay little heed to the designated bike lanes, said Robert Samuels, a former journalist and author who has lived here since 1982. “They talk loudly and shout back and forth to one another, often waking me out of a sound sleep on a Sunday morning,” said Mr. Samuels, whose book “Blue Water, White Water” (Up the Creek Publishing, 2011) details his struggle with Guillain-Barré syndrome, a muscle disorder.

Hey, I'll admit I'd hate to wake up to the sound of two Freds discussing which chamois cream they slathered on their scranuses that morning, but it beats being roused by a casino bus:


A motor vehicle driving into your home is what's known as a "Queens Wake-Up Call."

Fortunately for Piermont's more ornery residents, it will probably wither on the vine and die thanks to Zwift, which allows Freds to avoid all the trouble of riding their bikes outside.  You don't even have to race in the real world anymore, and I recently received an email that there's a big Fredly throwdown happening soon:


This race is sponsored by L’etape and each participant will be awarded with a free pair of L’etape Socks and 3 luck participants will go into a random prize draw for a full L’etape limited print kit. http://www.letape.nl/

POWER UPs: Allowed at all times 
BIKES: All allowed 
RIDER NAME: YOUR NAME KISS (X) - X = category (see below)
GROUPS: Use your FTP and then divide by your weight in kg then pick the correct group.
A: 4.0 W/kg FTP or higher 
B: 3.2 W/kg to 3.99 W/kg FTP 
C: 2.5 W/kg to 3.19 W/kg FTP 
D: Under 2.49 W/kg FTP

PLEASE NOTE: PLEASE NOTE: Strava data for KISS races must be open (not private or hidden). zPower riders with avg. W/kg over the duration of the race of greater than 3.99W/kg will not be eligible for CAT or Race Wins. Riders producing over 5w/kg average will be DQd. They can be reinstated if real life matching performances can be provided

Apart from the bit about the free socks I didn't understand a single word of any of that.  It looks like what happens when my two year-old gets his hands on my iPhone.

Nevertheless, it's clear that virtual reality is the future of cycling--at least as far as Kickstarter entrepreneurs are concerned.  Consider the ChessFit bike trainer for example:


Just strap it to your face:


And enjoy riding through exotic settings such as the Brooklyn Bridge:


Though if you really want to feel what it's like to ride across the Brooklyn Bridge just go to Walmart, grab a Mongoose, and attempt to ride it through the check-out area.  The two experiences are remarkably similar because: 1) both involve picking your way through crowds; 2) the typical tourist on the Brooklyn Bridge and the typical Walmart customer are one and the same.

Indeed, cycling has definitely entered the Matrix phase, in that you feel like this:


But you look like this:


Oy.

Of course, it won't do to render cycling a completely virtual experience if you can't preserve the crucial element of smugness, hence the need to power a battery while you do it:


This allows you to power devices:


In turn reducing your impact on climate change:


[Disclaimer: to make an impact on climate change during the Trump administration everybody on the world would need to pedal a stationary bike the equivalent of riding to the Sun and back 643 trillion times.]

Which is like removing 16,000 cars from the road or something:


Also a good way to remove cars from the road?

Ride your bike outside to go places.

Crazy, I know, but hey, it could catch on.

83 comments:

Anonymous said...

POOO DIUM

babble on said...

BOOM! Shakalaka.

wle said...

3 of 3 of 3

dnk said...

Top 40!

streepo said...

scranus

Spokey said...

top tendonitis

dancesonpedals said...

Problomos los discos?

The bouncer never let me in.

Anonymous said...

I took the bus...

boys on the hoods said...

Top Ten

Apart from the bit about the free socks I didn't understand a single word of any of that. It looks like what happens when my two year-old gets his hands on my iPhone.

Gold!!

Anonymous said...

Yay, more political Trump Bashing in a cycling blog.

Anonymous said...

What a novel idea

Anonymous said...

That's why we read about cycling. To get political commentary.

Kenny Banya said...

"Though if you really want to feel what it's like to ride across the Brooklyn Bridge just go to Walmart, grab a Mongoose, and attempt to ride it through the check-out area. The two experiences are remarkably similar because: 1) both involve picking your way through crowds; 2) the typical tourist on the Brooklyn Bridge and the typical Walmart customer are one and the same."

Gold Snobby, GOLD!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:02/04/09,

More critical comments on a free blog nobody's making you read, what a novel idea.

That's why a write a blog, 'cause I give a shit what you think.

It's Bike Snob NYC. The last part stands for "New York City." So you may occasionally find mention of news relevant to that particular metropolis here.

Just something to keep in mind should you elect to continue reading.

--Wildcat Etc.

N/A said...

I only wear crabon fibre socks when I'm racing my Airdyne. Suck it, losers!

Hair Furor said...

"...cast its monocle upon the village of Piermont..."

GOLD Snobby, you funny! Very funny indeed!


Although, I can never seem to keep my monocle fastened to my head.

Anonymous said...

Been riding my bike outside to go places. Yesterday, had extra time, and added a few extra places. On my Univega with the flimsy bottom bracket. Woohoo, but no woohoo speed.

Drock said...

Dick brakes, just one step closer to turning your bike into a car.

Anonymous said...

While the technology may not transfer well, crabon fiber discs have been used in auto racing for 25 years. They offer a great reduction in fade over their metal counterparts. Not surprising that someone in the bike industry thought of it as "good" idea.

Chazu said...

"“A lot of transplanted New Yorkers live in Piermont, so they do have expectations.”"?

They expect continuous street noise, but the bucolic silence keeps them awake at night.

They expect rat pancakes, but the buttermilk pancakes from their $45 prixe fixe brunch are more appealing overall.

They expect meandering Wal-Mart grade tourists to clog their purposeful urbane ambulation, but they're met with Nordstrom grade local residents instead.

They list goes on.

Kenny Banya is here!

ubercurmudgeon said...

Yes, Snob, know your place! You write about cycling. A failed casino owner, cum gaudy hotel and property magnate, cum reality TV star makes an ideal president precisely because he isn't a politician. But no other professions, least of all semi-pro bike bloggers, are permitted to discuss politics.

JLRB said...

The real reason for carbon rotors - Fred's love the purring noise brake pads make on carbon and missed it when they jumped in the dick brakes bandwagon

Anonymous said...

Hair Furor,

As any bike cycling gentleman knows, self sufficiency and preparedness are the rule. Always carry spare inner tubes, brake cables and monocles.

Who knows, charity towards some wayward, stranded fellow might reward you with a new business partnership or political advantage.

Vladimir Putin said...

Let's be friends!

Critical Commentor said...

"(it's not on a train line so the commute scucks)"

Typo? "scucks"

Anonymous said...

I, for one, would like more politics. The current mix of bicycle and social commentary is lot more interesting than bike-only content. Plus, now is not the time to be silent.

Comment deleted said...

I would suggest that any butt-hurt anonycowards demand a full refund of their subscription price.

Eric Burton said...


(It's my blog and I'll write what I want) don't push me
(It's my mind and I'll post what I want) It's my blog
(It's my blog and I'll write what I want) And I can write what I want
(It's my mind and I'll post what I want) You can't tell me
(It's my blog and I'll write what I want)

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

I imagine there will be a new Great Fred(rica) Circle Route developing when the new Tappan Zee Bridge opens. I think it will have a cycle path on it.
The new Goethals as well.

Now if only the Verrazano could get a bike path.

-Disclaimer/Reclaimer: It's Snob's Blog and the humor is good regardless of the subject matter.

vsk

1904 Cadardi said...

Wait wait wait a minute. Are you suggesting the bicycle can be used as transportation? What next, use a phone to talk to people?

MADNESS!

Steely Danzig said...

Be careful complaining about trump. One of his supporters may call you a snowflake. Once that happens, it's over. Who can respond to such original and rapier critique?

Anonymous said...

"scuck" may be a particular sub-genre of the x rated film industry.

Anonymous said...

re: politics, I'm really glad my ancestors struggled out of warm Devonian seas to evolve into me but I'm really upset that theirs did the same. :)

Frickus Rungus said...

I was able to pretend I was in NYC today when I encountered an SUV blocking the bike lane. It was exciting! Now if I could only get doored... Does zwift have a good simulation of that?

N/A said...

"now if i could only get doored..."

Maybe you could get a friend to whack the shit out of you with a board or something while you're Zwifting?

N/A said...

I'm going to make "Zwifting" a thing. I'm takin' it to the streets. Uh, virtually.

1904 Cadardi said...

Anonymous at 1:29pm,

One of the big advantages of carbon rotors in motor racing is lack of fade at and ability to tolerate high temperatures. Temperatures never ever achieved in cycling. One of the big disadvantages of carbon rotors, and why even hypercars like the Koenigsegg use ceramic rotors, is carbon brakes suck when cold. When you're dragging a thousand kilos down from high speed brakes get up to temp and start working pretty quickly, but in auto and motor racing they use warm up laps to literally warm up the tires and brakes.

Also, the carbon bicycle brake rotors on the market currently are closer to a typical layed up carbon composite than the high tech carbon-carbon rotors used in Formula 1 and Moto GP.

Brembo has a nice page that explains why carbon-carbon rotors can be a good idea for high speed motorcycle racing , and by omission, why they are such a bad idea for bicycles.

No Two Are the Same but a bunch mushed together can hurt said...

I think the DJT just saw what happens when a shit ton of snowflakes gather together

Skiing

Grump said...

The Trump International Hotel & Tower must be one crazy place to stay while you are in NYC. Where else, in America, do you have to pay extra to sleep in a pee stained bed. (I'm sure that it's cheaper than getting peed on)



Bryan said...

In my area, our Saturday rides go to a shithole town. The only thing it has is a gas station to refill water bottles/buy a snack (we don't stop for coffee and muffins. #1 - too hot. #2 - there is no where in that little redneck town to stop at other than the gas station). As such, I don't understand this whole ride halfway and stop to go to a sit down cafe.

I see a lot of people around here on Zwift when we have had 2 whole weeks of temps being solidly in the 70s. I don't fucking get it. Meanwhile - I'll just go hit some singletrack and be outside.

Bryan said...

Also - FUCK TRUMP

Anonymous said...

I dunno WIldcat, I think you could cash in on this Zwifty thing by bolting a GoPro onto your noggin and recording the cool historical travelogues you do.

Anonymous said...

OMG I NEED BAMBOO BRAKE ROTORS!

Not just Evil - Stupid Too said...

Mexico will pay for the wall by a tariff being imposed on Mexico's exports into the US. Who will pay the tariff? Consumers in Mexico? Consumers in Canada? Oh, wait, it's a tariff on goods coming here...

Good thing they don't make bike parts in Mexico (probably wrong)

cervicalgia said...

Worth following the link to the crabon dick break review and letting google translate it for you - priceless!

Anonymous said...

I don't do the tweeting so I'm just going to leave this here for you to see:
https://www.revisor.mn.gov/bills/text.php?number=HF0499&version=latest&session=90&session_number=0&session_year=2017

MattWLA said...

This week has been quality post after quality post. Keep it up snob!

MattWLA said...

Also scranus crabon etc.

babble on said...

Um, Bryan? Are you a cat burgler? Cause I don't understand how you manage to actually SEE a lot of people on Zwift otherwise. Just wondering...?

And WRT the mid ride sit-down cafe, it's about fuel. After 50-60 km, it's just nice to eat something solid without the whole reach in back pocket unwrap chew breathe breathe breathe chew breathe breathe Put wrap back in pocket!! chew breathe chew etc. Also, it's friendly. It's kinda good sometimes to actaully get to know the folks you see week in and week out. It's clubby. Not to be confused with a chubby, though those are great, too. :)

Anonymous said...

reach around and grab that chubby, but please don't chew

Doode Yur Slipping said...

What, no comments on the set up of Einstein's bike?

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Anon 1:02

Is this the kind of bickycle chatter you want to see?

GROUPS: Use your FTP and then divide by your weight in kg then pick the correct group.
A: 4.0 W/kg FTP or higher
B: 3.2 W/kg to 3.99 W/kg FTP
C: 2.5 W/kg to 3.19 W/kg FTP
D: Under 2.49 W/kg FTP

PLEASE NOTE: PLEASE NOTE: Strava data for KISS races must be open (not private or hidden). zPower riders with avg. W/kg over the duration of the race of greater than 3.99W/kg will not be eligible for CAT or Race Wins. Riders producing over 5w/kg average will be DQd. They can be reinstated if real life matching performances can be provided

That would scuck!

Never EVER stop said...

Uh, mostly, the recreational bike ride is FOR the mid-ride café stop, not the other way around. There’s another café rendezvous at the ride conclusion. It’s a - you know - recreational bike ride. Is an apology really necessary?

bieks said...

That brake is so messed up I thought I was looking at an actual "crab on" a brake. I kept trying to see it until I realized mass crabon destruction.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I zwifted under the fridge today. Part of any spring cleaning routine.

Anonymous said...

Your fake leader put a curse on that dick rotor and it immediately self destructed.

Duh, VR biekin will destroy the planet when all those sweaty stayins head for a long hot shower and use billions of KwH!

R2-D2

MrLobstermash said...

4 days in and you've finally got me laughing out loud at my desk at work. Nice to see a return to form.

In other news, Australia's Prime Minister wants to install bollards at the end of malls to stop traffic barging through them and killing pedestrians. Never mind the fact that stopping real-life Carmageddon players in any city would require bollards lining every curb and pedestrian crossing. Imagine the bollards required around Dunkin' Donuts... They'd blow our bollard budget in one go if we had them here

fourhourerection said...

Where's Ted K? OMG! Has Trump got to him? This is worse than I imagined.

bad boy in the south said...

Well,down in VA.again.maybe wifey and I will see djt while he's effen with the world some more.ride safely, it's a crazy batshit world out there.

Dooth said...

"Strava data for KISS races"...does that mean I get to dress like Gene Simmons and tongue wag?!

leroy said...

Sorry I'm late, my dog got me a Walmart greeter vest and had me stand at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge saying hello to folks.

He said it was for an experiment. He didn't elaborate, but he figured I like to say hello.

Did I miss anything?

My dog tells me there was a Piermont travelogue, but it missed one of his haunts.

bad boy in the south said...

60 minutes on CBS will have very interesting show coming up.snobbie, We'll want a report on Monday.

bad boy in the south said...

Meant will have A....

Don't Stop Me Now said...

I have a fork that has mounts for rim brakes and a mount for a disk brake caliper. I'm going to attach BOTH types and have the best of all braking worlds!

Die free... said...

Double brake... Sounds looks an ice cream flavor.

Anonymous said...

Throw your rim breaks in the garbage. I threw my mountain bike XTR v-brakes in the bin right after I threw my Onza cantilevers in the garbage too, although I briefly hung on to them in hopes of using them on a commuter bike. Or maybe use the v-brakes with those terrible conversion pulleys for road levers. How often do you need the breaks in road rides anyway? This isn't mountain biking, forchristsakes.

A Part said...

Apart from the bit about you not understanding a single word of any of that apart from the bit about the free socks I didn't understand a single word of any of that.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 12:38am,

Wow. Next time you throw a perfectly good component in the trash could you check in with me first?

--Wildcat Etc.

Hava Java said...

On weekend rides, I really enjoy my coffee breaks.

JLRB said...

Throw this comment in the trash

Anonymous said...

Raises some interesting questions ...

Rogue Government

dancesonpedals said...

Friday quiz?...maybe WCRM is tired of the form (we don't see much haiku either), but I still get a feeling of achievement answering the questions, even when I cheat by rolling over the answers tom see what url shows up.

dancesonpedals said...

On Friday Morning

Waiting for the bikesnob quiz

I should get a life

N/A said...

Ooh, commentariat poetry!

Friday posts are read,
though quizes are few,
Snobie don't do 'em no more,
and he says, "I'm not interested, thanks anyways."

Pist Off said...

Onza cantis and XTR vees would fetch decent money on both eBay and this comment section. I use XC Pro cantis on my roadish/crossish/gravelish steel, vintage, should-be-in-the-trash-according-to-Freds bikeway. They work great. Freds are nauseating lemmings.

نور الهدى said...



افضل شركة نقل اثاث بالمدينة المنورة تساعدك على نقل اثاثك بامان فلا داعى للقلق مع افضل شركة نقل اثاث بجدة

عزيزى العميل انت من محبى التنقل باستمرار بالتالى انت بحاجة ماسة وضروية الى الاستعانة بالمختصين في نقل العفش خاصة افضل شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض لان الاستعانة باى من عمالة الشوارع الغير مدربة والتي لا تمتلك خبرة كافية في نقل العفش او الحفاظ علية وليس هذا فقط فقد يؤدى الاستعانة بعمالة الشوارع الى حدوث حالة فقدان وتكسير للاثاث بالتالى التاثير الضار عليك عزيزى العميل

لا تقلق مطلقاً الان بشأن نقل اي منقولات خاصة بك طالما استعنت بشركة الاول لـ نقل الأثاث في الرياض وخارج الرياض فنحن ليس الوحيدون ولكننا متميزون عن اى مؤسسة أخرى داخل وخارج الدمام وشهرتنا كافضل شركة نقل اثاث بينبع
ارخص شركة نقل عفش بجدة

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