Friday, January 27, 2017

America: Dumber Than a Bag of Chips?

Meet Duane Quam:


Quam is a legislator in the state of Minnesota:


And given his political allegiances it probably won't surprise you that he has no "quams" about taking away his constituents' freedoms.  Indeed, yesterday a Twitterer informed me that Quam has proposed a bill that would require you to take a safety course, obtain a permit, and be older than 15 years old in order to ride in an "urban bicycle lane:"



(b) The commissioner of public safety must establish an urban bicycle lane use permit. 
The permit issued must be in the form of an individual card created by the commissioner 
of public safety, or as an endorsement on a driver's license or Minnesota identification card 
issued under chapter 171.
(c) In order to receive an urban bicycle lane use permit under this subdivision, a person 
must: (1) successfully complete the bicycle safety education program under section 171.336; 
(2) be at least 15 years of age; (3) register the bicycle with the commissioner of public 
safety; and (4) pay a fee of $5 to the commissioner of public safety.

WOW!  This will keep people off bikes, kill bike lanes, give police an excuse to stop anybody and everybody, and help round up those dreaded illegals all in one fell swoop!

A helmet law seems positively quaint in comparison.

As for that "safety education program," it sounds wonderfully onerous:



Sec. 3. [171.336] BICYCLE SAFETY EDUCATION PROGRAM.
Subdivision 1. Program created. (a) A bicycle safety education program is established, 
which shall be administered by the commissioner of public safety. The bicycle safety program 
may be based in part on the motorcycle safety education program under section 171.335.
(b) The bicycle safety program must consist of (1) a bicycle safety course; and (2) a 
bicycle safety examination.
(c) At a minimum, both the bicycle safety course and the examination must include:
(1) the legal requirements governing operation of a bicycle, including traffic regulations 
under chapter 169 that apply to the operation of bicycles;
(2) best practices for the safe operation of a bicycle on public roadways;
(3) recommended and required bicycle safety equipment;
(4) riding skills and collision-avoidance techniques; and
(5) any other information the commissioner deems necessary to ensure the safe operation 
of bicycles.
Subd. 2. Bicycle safety examination. (a) At the conclusion of the bicycle safety education 
program, the commissioner must administer an examination on the materials covered by 
the bicycle safety course. Individuals who, in the commissioner's judgment, demonstrate 
sufficient knowledge to safely operate a bicycle on a public roadway are eligible for the 
urban bicycle lane use permit under section 169.222, subdivision 12.
(b) A person who attends the bicycle safety program but does not intend to apply for an 
urban bicycle lane use permit under section 169.222, subdivision 12, is not required to take 
the bicycle safety examination under this subdivision.
Subd. 3. Appropriation. All funds collected from the fee imposed under section 169.222, 
subdivision 12, are annually appropriated to the commissioner of public safety to carry out 
the purposes of subdivisions 1 and 2, and to pay the administrative costs associated with 
issuance of the urban bicycle lane permit under section 169.222, subdivision 12.

That's almost more than you have to do to drive a car!  Ironic, since without any sort of training the vast majority of people on bicycles manage perfectly fine--that is until some moron hits them with a car.

Plus, requiring cyclists to be 15 before riding in a bike lane (which is the safest place to ride, so chew on that one for awhile) is a great way to enourage kids in Minnesota to decide: "Eh, fuck that, I'll just wait three more years and get a permit for an assault weapon."

Anyway, Minnesota is home to one of America's most bike-tastic cities (Minneapolis), as well as QBP and who knows how many other bike-related companies.  Therefore, Quam should have an even harder time getting this through the legislature than he does getting his own corpulence through the door of his Hyundai.

Nevertheless, as cyclists we must remain eternally vigilant, because if nothing else it's clear that the forces of stupidity and evil recognize the bicycle as a vulnerable entry point in their mission to undermine freedom, self-sufficiency, and common sense.  See, the average American is indifferent or slightly suspicious of people who ride bikes, so disguising anti-bike legislation as a "safety initiative" can be an effective ploy.  Then, once they pass that, everybody from the smug commie beardo to the poor and undocumented is fair game for harassment.

Meanwhile, in other uplifting news, if some drunk kills you with their car in Chicago they might have to languish for ten whole days in jail:


Two put that in perspective, depending on how the dates fall, he could have to catch up on as many as two entire episodes of whatever his favorite show is by the time he gets out!

Now that's just draconian.

But at least he'll be out in plenty of time for baseball season:

Prosecutors said San Hamel had been drinking with friends after watching a Cubs game on May 29 when he got behind the wheel of his Mercedes Benz and headed down Clybourn Avenue toward the Loop.  He struck Cann in the 1300 block of North Clybourn around 6:35 p.m.

I'm not familiar with Chicago but I looked up the address where this happened and it looks like he was on a bus route and about a ten minute walk from the nearest El station.  Instead, he chose to drive.  But that's okay, because he's really sorry now:

San Hamel's blood-alcohol level was .15, nearly twice the legal limit, and he had been traveling 50 to 60 mph in a 30 mph zone, prosecutors said.

Before he was sentenced, San Hamel asked Cann's family to forgive him, according to DNAInfo.

"I wish I could change everything that happened but I can't," San Hamel said, according to the website. "I just hope that you can feel some kind of remorse for me or forgiveness in your heart. ... I live with that moment every day, every minute, every time I lay down and try to sleep."

Judge William J. Hooks said he took San Hamel's remorse into consideration.  In addition to the 10 days in jail, he sentenced San Hamel to four years of probation and ordered him to cover all of Cann's funeral costs.

Oh, sorry, he also has to pay for the funeral costs.

If some drunk sports bro takes me out please make sure you throw me a 13 trillion dollar funeral.

Alas, all this could have been averted if only he'd had access to cutting edge snack breathalyzer technology:
Yes, that's right, this Super Bowl Sunday you can blow into a bag of chips for confirmation that it's OK to speed home in your SUV:

The bag, which is outfitted with mini sensors, is able to detect alcohol in the breath of the holder. If the bag is green, go ahead and head home. If it’s red, call an Uber. Not only that, but if the bag turns red, a code for a $10 Uber discount displays as well, although it’s only valid on Super Bowl Sunday.

But let’s just pretend that someone is so intoxicated that calling an Uber is an impossible task. What then? Have the bag call the Uber for you. The bag has been outfitted with near-field communication tech which will order a ride automatically if you tap it with your smartphone.

If it's green, fire up your machine.  But if you see the red underpants call an Uber instead:


"But the bag said it was OK to drive!," your killer will explain when the police arrive to peel you off the hood.  Then they'll sue Tostitos and use the multi-million dollar settlement to pay for your funeral.

Now that's a win-win.

Indeed, I can only see one potential downside in trusting your safety to a bag of chips, which is this: Will Tostitos be subject to the wall tax?

119 comments:

Seattle lone wolf said...

Bike throw!

Ted K. said...

204. Revolutionaries should have as many children as they can. There is strong scientific evidence that social attitudes are to a significant extent inherited. No one suggests that a social attitude is a direct outcome of a person’s genetic constitution, but it appears that personality traits are partly inherited and that certain personality traits tend, within the context of our society, to make a person more likely to hold this or that social attitude. Objections to these findings have been raised, but the objections are feeble and seem to be ideologically motivated. In any event, no one denies that children tend on the average to hold social attitudes similar to those of their parents. From our point of view it doesn’t matter all that much whether the attitudes are passed on genetically or through childhood training. In either case they ARE passed on.

cdinvb said...

ketchup on cottage cheese!

Anonymous said...

Non-Ted podium and read it.

Spokey said...

i wish i coulda been a contender

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey Ted's back!

Right you are Ted! I've spent the last 15 years of my son's life teaching him to be independent, self sufficient, safe handling and use of firearms, how to split wood, cook, etc, etc.

He's well on his way to being an outstanding person. Get's all A's in school too.

dancesonpedals said...

Pancho Villa was never into condoms.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

To continue the "throw your rim breaks in the trash discussion from yesterday": Never had the XTR V's but I do still have Deore DX V-breaks on my Yeti Chromo single speed conversion. Remember those? DX was mid range between XT and LX back in the day when that's all there was. 25 years old and still work like the day they was new.

Sean Lynch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JuanOffhue said...

Tostitios, huh? Not even my iPhone can do that.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...


Nodio.

Bendix 2 speed kickback hub.

Anything more is just needless clutter.

vsk

Spokey said...


could we get some cape cod chips bags with breathalyzers? i don' really like corn chips.

my avid v-beaks still squeal like a stuck pig in the front. that's why i bought a new set and going #tossdemrimsjobsinnadatrash.

Sean Lynch said...

A Park Ridge man kills a Chicago bicyclist! The suburb of Park Ridge is Hillary Clinton's home town. I smell a conspiracy theory. I don't know what that theory is, but I'm sure someone will make something up.

I believe that my eighth grade graduation present, a shiny new 1976 Schwinn Varsity came from the Park Ridge bike shop 'Bob's Bikes' (long closed). The Varsity was green. I don't know how that might play into any conspiracies, but I was hit by a Park Ridge Herald newspaper delivery van while riding that bike in the summer of 1978.

I think that the people of Park Ridge have it in for us Chicagoans, they just take their time running us over. BTW, I was not wearing a helmet. In 1978, i don't think I had ever seen a bike helment.

Drock said...

MN, fat guy talking about bicycles, he forgot to mention all bicycles must have dick brakes cause you know those are safer. Stupoooooor!!!!!

N/A said...

Drunk Sportsbro got into more trouble for the DUI than the murder, I'm guessing.

Anonymous said...

Sean Lynch: Drumph will use this data to validate his carnage statement and probably to support that stoopid Minnesota bill.

Bluezurich said...

Qaum's quim Qualm?

McFly said...

Step 1: Cut a hole in the Tostito's bag..........

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

top twenteen

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
N/A said...

Who among us has never taken some fat bong rips, then huffed into a Cheetos bag?

N/A said...

Although the Cheetos bag has never advised on any matters of public safety, that I can recall.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

Fuck. Try it one more time. My maths suck. I suck.

Wow. Every morning I wake to news that boggles the mind. Dunno how you can stand it, living that side of the 49th parallel these days. Um, and for those who supported that monster in chief, have you stopped to think about how far you're going to get with that big ass hole in your foot?? Oh, but don't worry: now that a madman has crowned himself king of the hill, there's no threat that anyone will take your guns away. But the question remains: if you shoot yourself in the foot trying to hurt your friends, how will you handle your enemies?? Heh. Oh yeah, you hire a couple of "working girls" to piss all over you, you go deeply into debt with them, and you Hand Them Your Gun as you run for office: you know, so they can shoot you in the back.

Oh, and ten days in jail is hard time, when you consider that this wonderful new administration of yours determined that if you happen to run over a protestor, say at Standing Rock, well, that's ok. Perfectly. Legal. After all, damned fools were in your way. On a road.

When he destroys your affordable care act,the 400 wealthiest people, each of whom "earn" upward of $300,000,000, (THREE HUNDRED MILLLLLION DOLLARS!!! What can any human do to EARN that kind of money?)will see $7,000,000 in tax cuts. Because they deserve it. They're entitled to it. In fact, everyone earning upward of $200,000 will be wealthier for it. And your average family? They lose $4,000. Nice.

Fucked. You're all fucked. We're all fucked. Only fucking feels good. Shat upon. Damned. Doomed. I wonder if you'll even have the pretense of democracy in 4 years time. And in case you haven't noticed, your new emporer isn't wearing a stitch of clothing.

January 27, 2017 at 12:45 PM

Cat 404 Racer said...

Now hear this, bike industry:

I'll give a shit about your company if you make a high profile stand against legislators like Quim.

babble on said...

Revolution of love. You can't kill yourself to peace.
In a corporatocracy, the best weapon is in your wallet.
Don't. Buy. In.

#rideyourwaytofreedom

CommieCanuck said...

I was raped by a bag of illegal Tostitos in 2009. The result psychologically has been chronic melania.

Steely Danzig said...

This thing where the asshole got elected president reminds me of BSNYC quoting g.g. Allin- "You don't get the gg (government) you want, you get the gg (government) you deserve."
Babble, of course we are fucked, have been for a long time.
I remember hearing a quick blurb on the radio back in 1988. The gist of it was that behaviorist BF Skinner sees no hope for humanity.

Billy said...

>> smug commie beardo

Guilty as charged.

ubercurmudgeon said...

"Two put that in perspective, depending on how the dates fall, he could have to catch up on as many as two entire episodes of whatever his favorite show is by the time he gets out!"

Don't underestimate the harshness of this punishment. If he opts for HD quality video, he could risk getting close to exceeding his monthly data cap, if he has to download a whole two episodes of Ow My Balls!

babble on said...

Someone should publish each of the 500-600 companies which your madman in chief owns or has an interst in, along with any pf the products you might buy to benefit him. ("No conflicts here! I'm above the law," sez the new emporer of felony.) and then widely distribute the list, so that sane people around the world know what to avoid.

He is so thin skinned, so narcissitic that it's physically painful to him when he sees evidence that he is not, in fact, everyone's favourite person. The women's march set him off, drove him up the wall, or so his staff, current and recently resigned alike, have said. (Never have so many leaks come from an administration. EVER!! But that makes sense, I guess, given he is king of the leaks.) So let's get under his skin. Protest. Protest. Protest. He needs to physically SEE how many people object to the stench arising from his rotting, corrupted administration.

Mind, the US has never been so vulnerable. He is easily manipulated, and could be framed to take a disasterous step, setting off an unstoppable chain of events which hurt us all. Yes, your election WAS a disasterous step, and this week keeps getting darker and darker, but there's a whole universe of evil he is prepared to welcome us into, that heartless fuck.

Which reminds me: did you see him crush his wife at the inaguration? Never mind her pain and fear: what about his smug little smile of victory as he turned back. Cruel sadist enjoyed it. Wouldn't want to walk a mile in her shoes, that's for sure, though it would be far preferable to spending a night in her marital bed!! You have to wonder what on earth inspired her to marry the sick old shit, but still. Poor little thing. She's trapped in an abusive, horrible relationship with a mad sadis. #freemelania

babble on said...

Steely - I see hope for humanity when I watch the millenials and the kids who follow them. It's the bastard you elected and his rich compatriates who are determined to screw us out of a future whom we need to eliminate from places of power and influence.

There is nothing as powerful as an idea whose time has come. Once enough of us share a vision for the future, change will be swift. Unstoppable.

Dunno how we will make it so, but for them, and for future generations, we must make banks around the world public institutions, instead of the privately owned profit centers they are today. That will change everything.

Anonymous said...

Resist.

Nuttin 2 Sey said...


what #TDS (trump derangement syndrome) you runnin?

babble on said...

Heh. ++ Commie. :D
Sorry to hear it, doll, though I can't help but send you an UUUUUUUUUUGE etherhug and a big smile.

boys on the hoods said...

Although no Friday quiz again the political realities pose enough questions for all. Just need a video of some tri-dorks falling to laugh at when we get it wrong.

wishiwasmerckx said...

What inspired her to marry him?

Besides a green card and access to at least a portion of his wealth?

I'd be tempted to enter into a marriage of convenience with him, and I'm as straight as they come.

wishiwasmerckx said...

...besides, after he goes to bed, she retires back to her shipping crate for the evening.

CommieCanuck said...

Clearly, there was a hostage she-puts-her-lotion-on moment during the Trump-Pence dance at the inauguration.
What really was said last Friday

1904 Cadardi said...

@RCT,

I have the XTR cantelevers from 1992 and you know what? They suck as much today as the day they were brand new (since the pads are probably all dried up the probably suck more).

Dick breaks make sense on a mountaining type bikecycle.

Anonymous said...

Babble, Trump is awful but keep the lengthy rants on your own blog.

1904 Cadardi said...

How is drunk driving not considered pre-meditated murder?

BikeSnobNYC said...

1904 Cadardi,

Hmmm, I have XTR cantilevers (though they're not on a bike at the moment) and always found they worked really well.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

1904 Cadardi said...

Wildcat,

I thought they were great at the time, and are probably as good as cantilevers get, but compared to discs they're crap. It's dual-pivot calipers on the road and discs off for me.

Robert Young said...

"Right you are Ted! I've spent the last 15 years of my son's life teaching him to be independent, self sufficient, safe handling and use of firearms, how to split wood, cook, etc, etc."

I thought I spent 15 year doing that (but substitute minor household and auto repair for splitting wood). But the juvenile justice attorney fees I have been paying would indicate otherwise.

Justine Valinotti said...

Check this out: http://midlifecycling.blogspot.com/2017/01/call-me-paranoid-but.html

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

@Robert Young,

Well you should take credit for what you did. It was the right thing to do. That it didn't stick is no fault of yours.

@Cardardi, I agree the dick break does work great on the mtb. I have a newer off roader with them. Although I do like the old V break squeal for calling geese and letting the deer hunting freds I'm coming through.

leroy said...

My dog texted me his missive to Rep. Quam and told me he's a firm believer in contacting an elected offal.

I questioned his spelling and he pointed out you can't spell "official" without I C Offal.

I'm not impressed. Offal was probably one of his SAT words.

Anonymous said...

(XTR) Cantilevers are great if set up well, with new pads and a proper toe-in. Setup is not for the clumsy-fingered amateur, however, so pay the mechanic with greying hair to do it for you, unless you love some squish and some squawk in your brakes. Or dig out that old bike repair book from the early 90s and see if you can build a perfect wire triangle around your rim and tire. If they're "Chang Star" brand, then the metal recycling bin is ok too. Or the Ritchey/Diacompe ones with no spring adjustment. Glad we can all get nostalgic over old MTB stoppers.

Anonymous said...

I didn't really throw my Onzas or my XTR Vs in the trash. But every time I rummage through my 25 years of cool old components, I worry I've lost the one little bit that might render the part useless.

babble on said...

All you anonhaters? LMPC

Don't like it? Skim over it. Nobody is forcing you to read. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

babble on said...

Today is Holocaust Memorial Day.

Anonymous said...

I love me canties, but what about those things I think are called "U-Brakes"?

My very first ever MTB, an early "Apollo Kosciusko" had such a brake on the rear wheel under-the-chain-stay(!). A bugger to adjust, but once you got it right it was heaps awesome and stayed that way. Even in a downpour its performance seemed undiminished.

Although I busted it years ago, I kept the frame with that brake still attached (what else am I gonna do with it?). If anyone knows where I can get the broken dropout bit replaced/repaired for real cheap, let me know.

Crosspalms said...

At the women's march in Chicago, I saw a woman who attached pink cat ears to her bike helmet. Made me wonder if Walz is making pussyhats yet.

Babble, can't speak for our proprietor, but I say rant away. I don't think we can get enough reminders of just how fucked we are

Anonymous said...

Hi Snobs,

Whats the most effective way to tell the dishonorable Judge William J. Hooks TO GO FUCK HIMSELF TO DEATH?

Sorry for losing my temper, but that sentence is offensive and upsetting.

Best,
J

Hill_Slayer said...

Hey Bike Snob! Really glad to see the coverage of the Chicago killer.

I'm wondering if you'll consider expanding your scathing commentary to bike slights related specifically to women. This blog, while I acutely enjoy the snarky tongue lashings, is a bit of a boys' club. Topics that I would love to see publicly shamed: how rides are separated by gender, despite no evidence proving testosterone provides significant advantages, and women always get a shorter race; how almost all stock photos of bikers are men; how all bike clothes/accessories/bikes for women are pink; how most advertising about biking is directed at men; cat-calling while riding.

Pist Off said...

So Chitown sports fan San Hamel got blitzed and killed a cyclist with his Benz while going nearly or exactly double the speed limit. And he gets ten fucking days? I can't wrap my head around this. This outrage needs to be publicized as part of a national campaign for motorist safety. Unfortunately we have a few national crises that will Trump that. Meanwhile, in the UK the penalties were just doubled for driving while operating a handheld phone.

Ryan Kelley said...

My "heart was broken" at the title: "America Dumber than a Bag of Chips?"

Anonymous said...

They are trying to enact the Idaho Stop law in Colorado. I read it on the Denver Post website and made the mistake of reading the comments. Some people really make me want to puke. Blah blah licenses..pay their share..they deserve to get hit...I. ME. MINE.

BPsucks said...

Snob, do you prefer the police cycle safety in London over that in NY?

Anonymous said...

Qualms could easily be Rob Fords Jr., if he isn't already? Get BSNYC on Your Side to investigate.

Frickus Rungus said...

I feel that the old XT linear pull brakes worked great, but I get a lot less arm pump using disc brakes. Or maybe I just sucked more back then and had to use my brakes constantly so I would ride slower...

Anonymous said...

*This Doritos Breathalyzer Bag is for novelty purposes only, and should not be used to determine one's ability to drive after consuming alcohol. It is best used as a barf bag for vomiting up hotdogs, burgers, and of course our delicious corn chip products while getting shit-faced at the Superbowl.

Surely said...

doesn't mind babble on's opinions. Surely finds way too much agreement. According to babble on earlier in the week, to paraphrase, her observations are ones I wish to hear / read more of. Less than half of the electoral participants threw the keys to our short bus to a suicidal driver racing to Hades; acceptance? Not an option. Please continue babble on?

Bob Marley said...

Chant down Babylon

Anonymous said...

No rules on what you choose to write, or what to read here. If there is something to remain positive about, could be the aggregation of people who commit more of their purpose to push against the tyranny inherent in Trump's ideologies, which can moves us forward again.

Fred Fredriksen said...

I hope he doesn't come after us for criticizing him online. It's not really that farfetched.

Bradford Chapin said...

Surprise surprise: The tribune article left out important details about Hamel's drunk driving history: http://m.chicagoreader.com/chicago/cyclist-bobby-cann-bike-safety-clybourn-lanes/Content?oid=11385971

Fahrenheit 451 said...

OMG! Thank goodness for Babble On!!! The other channel has “Alternative Facts” Kellyanne ConJob! DJT’s Minister of Propaganda. WTF!

Keep on keeping on Babble!!! And thank you!!!

Spokey said...


hmmm. not seeing it.

i've read most of babs rants and haven't really seen facts or alt facts whatever. Just pretty much hate filled invective.

Of course as she says, you don't have to read it. But then again, Babs you don't have to read the posts going against you. I guess as long as snobbie keeps an open commentary both sides are free to post whether just partisan rhetoric or otherwise.

Frankly I'm trying keep with v-brakes and #whatpressureyourunning?

babble on said...

Thank you, peeples! Very kind of you. :)
תודה. شكرا, mucho gracias, dankie.谢谢, mahalo iā ʻoe, kiitos, gratias tibi,
je vous remercie, ευχαριστώ, ありがとうございました, ಧನ್ಯವಾದ (that's in Kannada, believe it or don't. I love that their language kinda resembles boobies, if your mind's that way inclined.)
Спасибо, אדאנק,ขอขอบคุณ, dankewol, diolch, நன்றி, Ngiyabonga (heh, and damned if Zulu doesn't look like ('n give ya a bong ahhh. Nice:)

Fred? Yep. Thin skinned and vindictive, that's exactly what he does. Only now the whole world is his platform, and the big red button is his enter key.

Ms Hill Slayer? Yep, every girl loves a good tongue lashing. Here in Vancouver, our club kit is hot hot hot pink, though 99% of our membership is male. For ages I was the token female on the club rides, though there are two of us on the board. But it's pretty sweet riding with a group of fit blokes in hot pink. I will never, ever understand why more women don't join the sport. A club ride in Vancouver is pretty sweet, with great views any which way you look at it: mountain and ocean backdrops, gorgeous bikes and great butts. What more could a girl ask for?

K, so Cycling BC proudly announced a few years ago that there would be equal prizing for mens and womens races, but you couldn't help but notice that at the Gastown Grand Prix, for example, while during the womens' race, there was a prime like clockwork every 5 laps, and the winner got $100. The mens' primes were random, far more frequent, and awarded anything from $100-$800. BUT. While I love racing the crits, and would have stood a better chance of winning gold in the womens' races, I typically prefer to race with the guys, (I did win a couple of primes, but no races) cause none of the women would pull, and nobody bothered to even try to break away, except at the provincials, where there were some more agressive riders in from out of town. My understanding from the people I work with on the board, and in the sport, is that one of the reasons the womens' races aren't as well supported is that my experience in the sport is not unusual,and that because the risks are high, fewer women race, and of those fewer still are prepared to take the chances that make for an interesting race.

I know that there are exceptions to the generalization, and I would love to be wrong about the whole theory, but that's my understanding and experience to date. Um, and while sparkle IS my favourite colour, I do so adore a healthy s(p)lash of pink.

Anonymous said...

When will powerbar come out with something for trigeeks to blow in? They all seem drunk when they get to their chute. Nice finish today Ted. I'm keeping score.

Spokey said...


any bets on what happens 9-Mar? or 10-Mar if snobbie takes high-8-us on prez day?
{which i assume he won't now that ducky is prez} that's the day after the last ted manifesto item.

do we go back to 1?

does he post the manifesto notes?

does he just quit (i ain't bettin on this one)?

To Late for the Podium said...

A whole finski to register. That is no where near enough to pay for a wall (a beautiful wall, a great wall) on Minnesota's northern border. But once that 20% on Maple Syrup goes into effect.

It was a Cubs game, was there another team involved? Or was it some kind of inter-squad affair?

The Things that Happen to Canadians said...

Commie at 107 That's horrible. Was it plain Tostitos or one of the flavored varieties, like Sea Salt and Seamen? You should write to Donald and let him know that if the wall is only 10 feet high, it will still be possible to throw a bag over the top.

With Two or more You get Eggroll said...

Ted K said "Revolutionaries should have as many children as they can." That means Babble should have one annually. Viva Ms. Babble (as sung by Elvis).

eric? said...

@Spokey

I suggest Ted begin reading us his second book, "Anti-Tech Revolution: Why and How". It's a bit lengthier

Anonymous said...

I couldn't be bothered reading through all the comments to see if anyone had already posted this yet Snob, but you'll enjoy this one: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4163496/No-helmet-no-run-signs-spring-Bondi-Bronte.html

Ted K. said...

I'll be happy to accept any wagers on what happens after paragraph 232.

Dept of Alternate Facts said...

Kellyanne aka Mrs. Joseph Gobbels.

Anonymous said...

What kind of a prison does one go to when sentenced to ten days in Illinois? Maybe it's a really bad one with people who do bad things out of desperation and not ignorance. Maybe one will do something bad to San Hamel! He's clearly not the smartest humanoid around- he may well make the kind of mistake that in the outside world has little consequence, but in prison can have dire consequences.

By the way, San Hamel gets probation, but not driving ban for any length of time?

Good job, Illinois.

Blowhard said...

I've got a chip on my shoulder with cutting edge snack breathalyzer technology; believe me, after all is said and done, you'll be left holding the bag.

BamaPhred. said...

Spokey, my money is on the publishing War and Peace.

David Pearce said...

Dear Snob and Hangers-on,

How great to read you again!

Sorry I've been away so long, but since the stupid Election and the stupid Thanksgiving and the stupid Christmas and the stupid cleaning up after Christmas, I've been more or less in a state of shock, that the bumbling stupid Democrats could not beat the Stupid Oaf [redundant, I know] who now occupies the presidency.

But, in a great wave of relief, I realize that you, YOU, will help to pull me through this dizzying beginning of Armageddon, and for that I am very, very grateful!

Thank you, bigly,

David

David Pearce said...

And you know, now that I think about it,

Ted K. may have just about the sanest comments on this blog!

And it's all because of this stupid, non-reading, impetuous, impulsive "president" that we all have to fence with for at least the next four years!

This country has gone to hell, dragged down by disrespect for education, the "lower-educated" that the president loves, the under-educated, and the uneducated, who are happy and PROUD of their ignorance.

FUCK THEM ALL!! The unexamined life is not worth living!

Thanks, Bike Snob, for helping me 😀!!

Love said...

That's entertainment. That's entertainment. That's why Trump won. Entertainment. We love our entertainers. Love 'em madly, warts and all. We're addicted to entertainment. Entertainment is why we're here, on this blog. Someone trolls our host and out of loyalty we attack. That's entertainment. How big is the entertainment business? Yugemongous. Yuge enough to subsidize the money-losing, right wing fascist propaganda NY Post. Social media: that's entertainment. Sports: entertainment. Pornogaphy: entertaiment. We are descendants of oppressed peoples: slaves, serfs, indentured servants, vassals. Entertainment is a relief to our tired, old souls. And we'll keep rewarding our entertainers with wealth and power.

The Official Snack of Church Going God Fearing Right Wingers said...

Hey, Love: "Pornogaphy: entertaiment."Nope, it's what America has for a snack everyday.

Pink Floyd The Wall said...

David Pearce 10:33 "the "lower-educated" that the president loves"

2/3rds of white males with no college voted for Trump. That's not a landslide, that's a blowout bigger than any in Super Bowl History.

Caramba Wilbur said...

Washington sure was a lot more fun back in the day when the only news of the day was the latest episode of Hanky Panky between Wibur Mills and the Argentinian Firecracker.

dancesonpedals said...

Mitt Romney took 56% of the white vote & still lost. (Men, women, college & hard knocks)
I guess the dens thought lightning would strike twice

Hate said...

Hey, Love, what are we supposed to do? Meditate? Fuck that, I'm pursuing happiness.

Anonymous said...

Resist
Love
Hate
Masturbate

SoFlo'd said...

A summary of a synopsis of a treatise,
(or pearls before swine... or life, don't talk to me about life....)

What is life? Some "ism" type of philosophy? Basically yes.
Pick one, two three... etc... any combo is fine.
An ergo sum of conscious fleeting moments of subjective thought.
Correlation is not important, importance is not important, relative subjective meaning is important. Which is not important.

The entirety of all human existence is a pointless exercise in futility.
(Oblivious fact brought to you by Carl's Jr.)

Upon cessation of life by any entity in existence on this earth, it returns to the inanimate material it once was. (Obvious fact brought to you by Carl's Jr.)

Meaning has meaning based on the subjective importance applied to it by the observer.
An observer is by definition any conscious entity that has perception of an event sequence.
An event sequence is a correlation of events that are related, occurring in time-space.
There are no external aspects of subjective observed phenomena that correlate to actuality.
Formulation of event sequences are non linear and only partially overlapping, but to any single observer they are not. Actuality may or may not be reality, as all reality is virtual.

Hence, Life is short... ride a bike.
Etc...

see you at Milliways...

N/A said...

Man, looks like someone needs to blow into a bag of tostitos...

bad boy in the south said...

I might as well..

bad boy in the south said...

...Drag us...

bad boy in the south said...

...To...

bad boy in the south said...

...One.

bad boy in the south said...

...Hund..

bad boy in the south said...

...Red!

Somewhere Rod Serling is Smiling said...

Dances at 1141 A grand total of 77,000 votes, spread across three states, elected the Carny Barker. Meaning you can get 56% and lose, but at 66% you win. A difference of 10% would translate into about 5 million votes for each candidate. Hey, 5 million, same number of illegal votes, what a coincidence. Funny, he kept calling Hillary "Lying Hillary" and it turns out he's the biggest liar of them all (who will pay for the wall, releasing taxes, etc, etc) and the rubes that voted for him don't care. There’s a sucker born every minute, which adds up to 63,000,000 of them.

BamaPhred said...

Duane Quam must be Robba The Fords' love child.

Agent Orange said...

President Trump uses strong methods. It's called kickstarting the economy, and it's going to upset a few whiners but you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette.

Orange you glad I didn't say banana said...

It's called fleecing the public just like he fleeced his shareholders

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

We are living the true to life version of Network, where celebrities are more relevant than true leaders. Trump is Peter "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more" Finch, reincarnate. Run to your windows, let the world know.

Most Economists said...

"...kickstarting the economy..."

Unemployment was 4.7% in Dec. 2016

It was 5.0% or less for every month in 2016.

It has been on a general decline since peaking at 10% in Oct. 2009

Historically when unemployment drop to 4%+/-, inflation takes off and an economic bust is around the corner. Like right before the great depression and right before the stagflation period in the 1970's. The longest, stablest period of prosperity the US has experienced had unemployment between 4.5% and 5.5%.

Snake Plissken said...

Time to build a wall around NYC to keep orange julius out.

Arizona hillbilly said...

Alrighty fake Ted,NOW you've lost me...

Arizona hillbilly said...

FFS

Doc Sarvis said...

2/3 of non college white males?
Are you high?
If you counted the non voting Americans "None of the above" always wins by a landslide.

Newt Tella said...

Check out the "Crabonated" drink ad from N. Korea: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4167284/Images-inside-North-Korea-reveal-western-influences.html

Newt Tella said...

Check out the "Crabonated" drink ad from N. Korea: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4167284/Images-inside-North-Korea-reveal-western-influences.html

Facts are Fluid said...

OK Most Economists - but don't forget the Orange azz says the unemployment numbers are fake and it is more like 42 percent

Mortimeyer said...

Today would probably be a good day to sell early.

Ivanka said...

Put on a tin foil dress and party on

dop said...

there's a difference between 'kick-starting' the economy, and lifting it by the tail and slapping it in the balls with a barrel stave.

kick starters have funny videos.

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