Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Sorry I'm late, but I realized it's my blog and I can be as lazy as I want.

There's something about autumn that gets me in the mood for multi-modal Bromulation:


And when it comes to Bromnambulating by rail there are few more Bromptastic train stations than this one at the confluence of the Harlem and Hudson rivers:


That tree-covered lump of land on the other side of the water is the last remaining bit of natural forest in Manhattan.  Talk about wasted space!  I really wish someone would put a glassy condo building on top of it already.

Plus, as you Bromp northward and leave the city behind, you get to enjoy a view of the New Jersey Palisades, which at this very moment is splatter-painted in autumnal hues:


The only thing that would have made the ride even more quintessentially seasonable would have been a Starbucks® Pumpkin Spice Latte:


Then I could have taken a sip, wondered who the hell drinks this crap, and splatter-painted the window with a massive spit-take.

Speaking of marketing, you'll be pleased to know there's now a new miracle frame material called "Dyneema:"


Or, as it's more commonly known, "plastic:"

Dyneema is DSM's brand name for its Ultra-High Molecular Weight Polyethylene (UHMwPE), which basically means 'really strong plastic'.

Nice.

Of course, there's more to Dyneema than just marketing--even though the jingle to the tune of "Dayenu" practically writes itself:



"Dy-dy-neema, Dy-dy-neema..."

It's also laterally strong and vertically buoyant, and they even use it to repair human ligaments:

DSM says Dyneema is 15 times stronger than steel but floats on water, and the fiber has long been used to do everything from moor oil rigs at sea to repair human ligaments.

This is great news for anybody currently on a waiting list of a frame made from actual human ligaments.

Sadly, too few people donate their bodies to science, and almost nobody donates their body to artisanal framebuilders--despite an aggressive PSA campaign:


Presumably once Dyneema takes over, "prosthesis grade" will be the new "aerospace grade."

Best of all, Dyneema is able to withstand impacts:

DSM claims Dyneema Carbon will make carbon bikes better at absorbing both road vibrations and outright impacts to the frame tubing. Regular carbon is "strong, stiff, lightweight and easy to mould. But it's not so good at handling impact," said DSM Dyneema scientist and part-time professor at Delft University of Technology Roel Marissen.

Great news.  At this rate carbon bikes will be almost as good as metal ones in 50 years.

In other news, New York City's bike messengers are forming a labor union:



Sadio Ballo, an executive committee member of the new union, said they're forming the union to "build collective strength to improve the appalling conditions that couriers work under."

This is all too true.  For example, bike messengers depend on marijuana in order to do their jobs, but did you know that they must consume it furtively while on the job?  Modeled after legislation guaranteeing the rights of breastfeeding mothers, the messenger labor union will push for guaranteed weed breaks, private places for weed consumption, and of course the ability to pay for vaporizers with pre-tax dollars.

Additionally, the union will also push for guaranteed leave time in the event of injury due to participation in an ill-advised fixie video like this one:



Students of fixie cinema will recall that gratuitous motor vehicle-touching is a hallmark of the genre:


Well this video takes it a step further:


And instead features pizza-rubbing:


Which raises an important question:

Does applying friction by means of a slice of pizza, however viscous, count as using a brake?

I would put forth that it does.

Oh, and when he's done with the pizza, he throws it onto the hood of a taxicab:


It's worth noting that, among the young and entitled set, it's always acceptable to humiliate and degrade taxi drivers.

It's also worth noting that in 2016 these sorts of fixie exploits have become so dated and corny that the coolest cyclist in the video is the Citi Biker who appears for about one second towards the end of the video:


Seriously, have you seen how upset old people get about Citi Bike at community board meetings?  Bike share is way more cutting-edge and rebellious than fixies these days, and it makes a much bolder political statement to boot.

In other words, it's only a matter of time before we see a video of someone riding around on a Citi Bike rubbing buses with pizza.

Lastly, remember this guy?



You know, the Cat 5 who borrowed his friend's bike and then smashed it?



Probably not.  These things have a shelf-life of about three days.

Nevertheless, here's an interview with him that sheds new light on the incident nobody cares about anymore anyway:


(Is he one of those scary clowns I've been reading about?)

In particular, he claims that he: 1) Saved lives that day; and 2) Received permission beforehand to smash the bike:

At the Red Hook race, I avoided running someone else over. I decided to take the wall instead of hitting the other biker. I had the choice of hitting and possibly killing him or hitting the wall. The bike was completely totaled from that. I knocked out after the crash, picked up the bike, and walked to the finish line. At that point, my emotions kicked in because I realized my equipment was gone and decided to finish it (the bike) off. What most people don't know is that I had permission to do what I did from the guy who gave me the bike. I just put the horse to rest. As for what impact this event had on my social media, the day after the race news stations picked up the dramatic clip, reaching all the way to China and Japan. There is always going to be a negative side of social media... but from this incident, I gained about 4-5k new followers the week after the race.

I'd love to see what he could do with a pizza.

78 comments:

Spokey said...

woo hoo uno

Anonymous said...

Woo Hoo Hoo dos?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Scranus.

Old timer said...

Huh? What?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Coulda made the podium, but waited so long for the post that I rolled over to swing shift at time-and-a-half.

le Correcteur said...

top ten; read it; laughed at the glassy towers replacing the outdated trees; almost vomited at the unzipped skinsuit (really, you need a trigger warning on that, and maybe on Cippollini images as well); and I'm still in the top ten, maybe the top five? What's the world coming to?

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Sexth

DB said...

Thank Lob you're all right.
I was about to contact Leroy, Dooth, janinedm, dop, etc., to go look for you.
Don't scare us like that.

Anonymous said...

Dyneema is also used in bullet proof vests.

NHcycler said...

Thank Lob this blog post landed on the interwebs before my workday ended -- I almost had to read it on my own time. Plus, that looks like an awful lot of wine for that girl to imbibe.

Anonymous said...

You know what comes right after "dyneema"? Eneema

wishiwasmerckx said...

Delft University of Technology has a nice pottery outlet store attached to it.

1904 Cadardi said...

Bike messengers smoke weed? What? All the bike messengers I knew stayed away from the stuff, and also never drank any alcohol ever. Riiiight.

grammar nazi said...

Dear bike messenger union:

"...build collective strength to improve the appalling conditions that couriers work under."

"...appalling conditions under which couriers work."

You're welcome.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

14tj, I'm at the doctor's office waiting on a TUE!

Chazu said...

Lasagne. Just because.

my reCAPTCHA: "Select all images with cars."

Spokey said...


hmmm

all my images seem to involve recumbabe and/or uma

BikeSnobNYC said...

grammar nazi,

Time to retire the no-ending-a-sentence-with-a-preposition thing. It's a rule I don't have any patience for.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

CommieCanuck said...

Fifteen times as strong as steel but floats on water...WITCH!, WITCH! IT'S A WITCH!!

Anonymous said...

Gives new meaning to "punching the clown"

bad boy of the north said...

where'didja go on that there brompton machine?

HumanAllocation said...

Fixie video and more on that idiot with the crotch?!

Geez. Just take the day off next time.

dancesonpedals said...

Can you hammer dyneeneenee frames like that guy in the niner ad?

JLRB said...

PIZZ ABUS

I think I spied an electronic shifter on his fixie.

Loved the cat-6ing Citibike cameo ...

Seattle lone wolf said...

Hey "HumanAllocation", are you really complaining about a blog that (a) you don't pay for, and (b) no one is forcing you to read? Lame.

Red State Rabble said...

"w1a" Netflix

BikeSnobNYC said...

HumanAllocation,

Or you could take a day off from reading it.

--Wildcat Etc.

Anonymous said...

In my studies, I have also noted that thrasher magazine apparel must make an appearance in fixie videos. The victim of pizza theft executes this element perfectly.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Which is lighter Dyneema or a duck?

N/A said...

Dipped out of work just a wee bit early today, didn't get to enjoy my usual lunchtime BSNYC fix. Now I'm at home enjoying it from the library, with a cold beverage nearby. I'm about to say fuck it, and go for a ride. I got a new headlight to test out!

grammar nazi said...

Dear blog proprietor, it is after all your blog, so I suppose that you get to select which rules of grammar you enforce and which you ignore, not at all unlike your approach to Judiasm.

Although I must say that I approve of your general distain for commas, titties should dangle and prepositions should not.

spelling nazi said...

Dear grammar nazi,

By the time you get to the "not at all unlike" portion of your run-on rhetorical question, I've lost the plot.

And what did you spell "distain" for?

dancesonpedals said...

Hey, WCRM...You said you were going multi modal, and then you went off on a tangent.

Just a couple of train pics? No wry comments or funny pictures? Something Brooksworthy?

rhetorical spelling nazi said...

Also, grammar nazi,

It's not a rhetorical question: I get it. It's more of a rhetorical moral equivalence fallacy.

Fred Mercury said...

A new student at Harvard asked another, "Where's the library at?" The other replied, "This is Harvard, we don't dangle our propositions." New student said, "Sorry, where's the library at, asshole?"
Ironic that a self professed grammar Nazi can't even spell disdain.

Spokey said...

trick question from poc

the frame is a witch

Captain Confusion said...

Dear SpellN

huh? I don't understand your segway to distain on da bleu dress?

grammar nazi said...

...or capitalize Nazi.

Spokey said...

dop

no. he went off on a brompton. not a tangent. snobbie wouldn't be caught dead on a tangent

N/A said...

George Hamilton is a tan gent.

Less Is More said...

@bikesnobnyc I know this is a tangent, but what is your beef with Strava?

Anonymous said...

Hard to believe that some Joe shmoe from China is going to be excited about a model who destroyed what they made.

dancesonpedals said...

I stand corrected.

No comment on the tangent's "lightweight package"

BikeSnobNYC said...

Less Is More,

I have no problem with Strava, except that it's one more barrier to certain types cyclists admitting that they suck.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

If you're done with the tangenting are we gonna see the Bromptoneering blog tomorrow?

leroy said...

Well this is odd. I read and re-read the post, but I still don't see any Lucas Brunelle slice of life pictures.

I don't know what my dog was talking about.

Less Is More said...

Wildcat,
Is Strava so wrong if it motivates me to ride when I don't feel like riding? And if I already know I suck?

Have you tried it?

leroy said...

There are certain linguistic styles that are more ritual than rule. The ban on ending a sentence with a preposition is one.

At least that's what my dog informs me.

But he's hard to put up with.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Less Is More,

Why ride when you don't feel like it?

--Wildcat Etc.

Less Is More said...

Sometimes I'll be feeling lazy, but then I'll see one of my buddys post a ride and it will motivate. Almost always, once I get going, I'm glad I did.

I'll bet sometimes you go for a ride to get material for your blog? (not cuz you feel like riding)

Less Is More said...

... and then you realize/remember how much fun it is after you get going.

Leslie Bore said...

It's my blog and I'll be late if I want to, be late if I want to, be late if I want to......

You'd be late if you were scratching your Scranus too.

livingjetlag said...

If it floats on water, then it must weigh the same as a duck, so it must be made of wood, so yeah, obviously, a witch.

livingjetlag said...

Floats --> weighs the same as a duck --> made of wood --> witch. Done.

Campbell fdy said...

"4-5k new followers" seems worth it. What do you get for a death by carbon or a pussy grab?

biek dork said...

hmmn, mind those NYC cross walks. The REAL reason for forming a transport labour union, as any fule kno, is to lobby for a free pass on mowing down pedestrians

JeffP said...

Clearly the pizza guy is not a native New Yorker. Doesn't know how to fold a slice to eat it.

Bogusboy said...

Social media, the only reliable arbiter of human worth.

Winston C. said...

Up with which I shall not put.

Umustbjoking said...

Country boy to city boy: "Where'd ya go to college?"
City Boy: "Yale"
Country Boy: "WHERE'D YA GO TO COLLEGE!!!?"

McFly said...

UHMW......hmmmmm....worked with it a lot. It's a little flexy. I wonder if they add something for stiffness? Durometer would be a cool bike name.

Spence said...

Keep on shroomin'!

d├ębouchage canalisation asnieres sur seine said...

j'ai eu le plaisir de visiter votre blog.

JLRBrrrrrrrrrr said...

Cold enough for the old wool BSNYC cap today ...

bad boy of the north said...

chili today...

McFly said...

Kind of jelly of Ol' Newt. Gettin' to trade blows with Megyn Kelly.

two american degrees said...

newtie..he's quite aholey.

Dooth said...

Rubbing buses with pizza...that's for lunch. For breakfast it's...rubbing buses with a bagel and cream cheese.

JLRB said...

Which gives me a new idea for kickstarter - bike locks made out of lochs

John, Paul, George and Ringo said...

Hey, Lazy Bones, it's Wednesday, get out of bed and drag a comb across your head.

N/A said...

While I was waiting for Wildcat to stop being lazy, I was perusing the fine wares upon Mr. Craig's List Of Crap That Is Probably Half Stolen And Also Probably Doesn't Work Correctly.

I find this listing in my travels. Look at the second picture (silver bike), and see if anything strikes you as odd.

dancesonpedals said...

N/A. He also wears his ballcap backwards. Or maybe it came from the store like that. You never know what they're up to in America's Rhineland.

Spokey said...

front forker? i've seen a couple of those and always wondered if backwards or just odd design. can't tell as there isn't any rake to give you a clue

Spokey said...

comon already. i can't step away for lunch. i'll lose top 11

N/A said...

That fork has got to be backwards. Look at the brake. I see stuff like that often enough at Walmart, Target, etc. that it's not even surprising anymore.

Still hilarious, though.

Everbody said...

He was palping city flavor from the bus. Like NYC makes it's own gravy when it rains.

STG said...

Dyneema has great tensile strength. The article forgot to mention that its used in ballistic helmets and body armor. Its really amazing stuff. However, its difficult to bond in a composite unless you use very high pressure. I would fear delamination over time.

Additionally, Dyneema/Spectra are NOT just plastic. The fibers are optimized to have very long polymer chains, that's why they are so strong. A thin hair-like fiber of the stuff can easily cut through your skin if you try to break it by hand. This is what differentiates it from normal UHMWPE, which is used to make cutting boards and pool noodles.

It has very high tensile strength, but it does stretch much more than carbon or kevlar. I think it would be useful in adding to parts of the bike that need to flex, but I don't think it could supplant carbon fiber. I'm an engineer I work with composites.

STG said...

Comparing Dyneema to a cutting board is like comparing a diamond to graphite in a pencil.