Monday, October 31, 2016

Brevity is the Soul of Succinctness

Got any plans this coming weekend?

Now you do:

Yes, after a one year hiatus I will be returning to the Philly Bike Expo--Philadelphia's premiere bike expo--where I will give a seminar!

I sure hope Seminar Room 107 has good acoustics.

Also, keep in mind that the first three rows will get wet, and all attendees will have to sign a waiver indemnifying both the Expo organizers and me in the event of any injury caused by (poorly) trained sea lions.

I may also give a live Fun Quiz to make up for the dearth of them on this blog of late.  Rest assured that if I do administer such a quiz I'll bring prizes for the contestants.  Some of the prizes will be valuable merchandise such as books and caps, and others will just be stuff I've got in the house, like low-wattage light bulbs and boxes of stale crackers.  And if you don't win anything from me you can always try your luck again at the bike theft seminar:

I should probably attend it myself since my street smarts clearly need some honing.

And to diminish my street cred even more I may go multi-modal and travel to Philly by rail and clown bike:

So be there or be somewhere else.

Speaking of a bunch of bike nerds getting together to dork out in a large indoor area, Bike Kill happened this past weekend:

There's something slightly depressing about a bunch of "adults" who are stuck in the anal-expulsive stage of development, though the mutant/freak/tall bike/whatever-they-are gangs are downright endearing compared to the geriatric motorcyclists who emulate "The Wild One" starring Marlon Brando:

Police say members of the Pagans and Hells Angels began fighting around noon on Sunday in the parking lot of the Pennysaver Amphitheater in Farmingville. Officers managed to break up the brawl and disperse the groups.

Police say two people were taken to hospitals to be treated for injuries. No arrests have been made.

Newsday reports a large puddle of blood could be seen on the ground after the fight.

I sure hope nobody broke a hip.

No mention either of whether or not the Satan's Helpers were involved, but it's always tragic to see blood spilled due to a violent outburst that could have been easily quelled by a man-child in giant shoes:

I'd also be lying if I said I didn't kind of want to see a bicycle gang brawl.  Just imagine if a bunch of road weenies in Lycra showed up at Bike Kill on crabon Fred Sleds and they all got into a highly choreographed "West Side Story"-eque dust-up.  In fact, I may attempt to adapt this idea for the stage, because it has the potential to be the next "Hamilton"--which in turn gives me a good casting idea:

Naturally I'll tap Michael Ball for the costume design, assuming he's not too busy helping with the Trump campaign or whatever he's doing now.

Lastly, in cultural news, noted bicycle painter Bob Dylan has finally acknowledged his Nobel Prize:

(The Freds they are a-changin'...)

I take full credit.

You're welcome.


Anonymous said...

For Dicky Dunwoody.

Roger Valdes said...


Roger Valdes said...


Freddy Murcks said...

That Bike Expo photo makes it look like you're gettin' ready for a little of the old "dick in a box."

Synonymous said...

Bike Kill would be more fun on gravel. Podium! (First Alternate)

N/A said...

Can we discuss what kind of caps you'll be using as prizes? It's important, you know.

bad boy of the north said...

Oo...the Philly bike expo.we went last year.lots of bikey stuff.sorry I missed it the year before.also made the trip to eastern state penitentiary.that was the agreement between wifey and expo..she wanted to see the spooky jail.try the burger with peanut butter if they still have it at the urban spoon(?)

Freddy Murcks said...

I would like to believe that Rock Racing represents peak dopage and the nadir of American bike racing, but I am sure that future revelations will prove my belief to be naive.

ken e. said...

moisture-wicking everything is totally go!

Name said...

AT LEAST TOP TEN - When I starded typing.

Frickus Rungus said...

Top elevenses!

Anonymous said...

Coulda woulda but I was slowed down by all the linking going on in this post...

Blog Drafter said...

Will the first three rows in Seminar Room 107 get all wet due to seminaral fluid?

Drock said...

@ the expo I hope you make time to mention the importance if journaling, cause what could be more fun than riding? Yes creating journal entries about your steed. .76 grams of lube added to chain today.

WhoKnew said...

The Pennysaver Amphitheater, just the right mix of irony and appropriateness

BeerDrivenCyclist said...

Back to the sobering world of the top 20 after my blistering win on Friday. Life really is one gigantic punch in the nut after another... That's the worst kind of punch...right on the nut.

Anonymous said...

Bob Dylan's bike art has two sets of seat stays...

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Police are confirming that a driver must stop to be awarded the coveted "No Criminality Suspected" here.

Perhaps the driver thought the police had a drive-thru express lane coming up within the next 2 blocks.

And it happened at 10:50 AM, the sun was out, it wasn't that dangerous dusk time.

I hope the woman recovers and that the driver is caught and prosecuted.

Grump said...

Snobby, you missed your chance to show a picture of old doper Bernie punching out some spectator, when you talked about a road weenie dust up.

Chazu said...

Tyler Hamilton's Chimeral Twin for President!

It wasn't even his idea

Gallagher said...

Are you going to smash watermelons with a giant wooden mallet at the bike expo? Guaranteed to have 'em rolling in the aisles.

Frickus Rungus said...

I saw a Vanmoof in the wild this weekend! It was kind of like seeing a someone with too many piercings and things sticking out in places that aren't natural. And the built in chain lock kind of made it look like someone had disemboweled the bike. Maybe it was just an old Cannondale dressed up in a scary Halloween costume...

You Can Call Me Al said...

Will the live Fun Quiz be streamed live on the Al Gore invention?

There's a Man who leads a Life of Danger said...

Just reading "Pennysaver Amphitheater", made coffee came out of my nostrils.

PS: Fox reports that the proposed Washington Mall Carlos Danger Amphitheater may not be built after all, something to the effect that the Clinton's are not in favor of it being visible from the White House.

CommieCanuck said...

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you Strava-l
And admit that the SUVs
Around you have are safer to travel
And accept it that soon
You'll be crushed to the bone
If your best Strava time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start spendin'
Or you'll be dropped like a stone
For the Freds they are a-changin'


Read more: Bob Dylan - The Times They Are A-changin' Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Thurston Howell III said...

What exactly instigated this melee? Did two different groups of Long Island Society book their d├ębutante balls for the Pennysaver Amphitheater for the same date? If yes, it's a shocking show of poor form!

CommieCanuck said...

Come writers and Snobs
Who prophesize with your computers
And keep your red eyes wide
The chance won't come to most commuters
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'
For the Dentists now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'

Read more: Bob Dylan - The Times They Are A-changin' Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

The Philly Bike Expo is great fun. It's good to hang w Snobby in person at these types of things vs. me rolling up at the end of a punch line at a Fondon't because I am too damm slow and fat and non gravelle compliant.

And no that anyone gives a flying pair of Deez Nutz but I tested the slow to no speed capabilities of Citi Bike Miami Saturday. My Strava says "dude, you turned me on for this!??"

So there I was looking for something less than a $50 lunch in Downtown Miami, actually I wanted to get some GNC goodies up 8th Street. So I waved my CitiBike NYC key to no avail (It's managed by Deco Bikes or something like that). I did the non member credit card thing and schlepped and putzed around from 14th St and Brickell Ave to here and there and GNC and returned the thing. If you look towards the south / south east there is a nice arched roadway bridge that goes to Virginia Key and Key Biscayne. I wanted to ride my fat self on that thing. Plus maybe I'd go to Key Biscayne to say I went to the Keys.
Put $10 for 2 hours and rode down to the bridge. For a little stretch it's like Broad Channel and the Cross Bay Boulevard Bridge in Queens but higher and with palm trees and pelicans. Heading south east I was going into a 30 mph headwind and huffing and puffing up this thing. Took a bunch of pictures. Could not enjoy the downhill as I could not escape the sit up and beg positioning. Looked around at the Rusty Pelican Restaurant and marina area. Was happily surprised as there were no alarms going off as I rode over "crushed stone", more commonly referred to as gravel. I took a picture of this exploit and here I live to tell the tale. There were no anti gravel advisories in the rental agreement so on I went, then over a patch of grass to head northward. Wind at my back, practically being pushed up hill. Then downhill. Nice 34mph but I just didn't feel comfortable on this thing going that fast. Returned to a bike dock near the hotel with a bunch of grey sky pictures.
I am ashamed at my distance, speed, average speed, lack of speed, etc.
With all that out of the way, I thought the Miami CitiBike was lighter, had better gearing (than both the Serotta and earlier NYC bikes), and had skinnier tires. It wasn't as laterally stiff and vertically chained to the ground as the NY CitiBike judging by feeling down the bridge. For neighborhood messing around and errands etc, I thought the Miami bike was a bit faster (I hate saying a bike is fast, let's just say the same person would have an advantage on the southern bike vs. the NYC).

Happy Halloween !


CommieCanuck said...

Come State Secretaries, orange assholes
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the bike lanes
Don't break up my balls
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who is bald
There's a battle outside ragin'
It'll soon shake your Hyundais
And rattle your scranus
For the times they are a-changin'

BikeSnobNYC said...

Victor Kaminski,

I know Key Biscayne well. It also happens to be a major Fred route (they wear long sleeves and tights when it's like 70)--though I don't think you'd find anyone who would say it counts as a visit to the Keys.

--Wildcat Etc.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

I visited Key Biscayne too once in the fall or winter. I don't recall the temperature, but I played golf in short sleeves and only wore a light jacket when it got cooler. On Saturday and Sunday, the Rickenbacker Causeway was a flotilla of Fred processions. It's true what Snob says. They all had gloves, winter jackets, tights, booties and balaclavas. What we would wear for a ride in the middle of winter when it is 20 degrees Amurcan or lower.

Bluezurich said...


leroy said...

VSK -- A couple of years ago, my credit card had charges from Miami's Bike Share. Seems my dog had been traveling. The bike charges were reasonable, but you wouldn't believe what the Fontainebleau charges for room service.

My dog sent me pictures and a bill for something called "resort wear."

Anonymous said...

My brother had one of those saying that if you heard it once you heard it 100 times:

"I have three brothers, two alive and one in Philadelphia."

wishiwasmerckx said...

True story:

As the crowd filtered out of yesterday's Trump rally, the Rolling Stones "You Can't Always Get What You Want" was blasting over the PA system.

Poor feebleminded Trump supporters were so hyped up over seeing their demi-god that they were blind to the message and oblivious to the irony.

BamaPhred said...

I would go to the Philly Bike Expo, but I gave to feed my unicorns. No one else seems to be able to see them.

YouKnowWho said...

Would you believe "have" to feed my unicorns. It's tough typing with these lobster mitts on.

Anonymous said...

Is the land and sea bike you have been looking for snob?

Doc Sarvis said...

I a world where so many feel qualified to comment at great length on almost any subject it's touching that Mr Dylan feels unqualified to judge weather his ovre is Homeresque...
And on another note,reading the link about those petty bourgeois motorcycle enthusiasts, it seems the Pagans keep getting the wrong end of the stick in their encounters with the Angels

Anonymous said...

I'll totally take those stale crackers.

Holy Roller said...

I spurted some cheez whiz on some non-gluten bread-like product, and I'm sure that a visage of Jesus was made manifest in the spread.
Should I make public this miracle so a pilgrimage of believers seeking cures of what ails them shall come flocking, or should I just chow down on lunch?
Yum. Jesus tastes good.

bad boy of the north said...

Sorry that I can't remember the restaurant's exact name where I had that burger with pb.
On another note... I did receive my b'way cap yesterday.

Anonymous said...

It's so nice to read you once more snob!_Thanks for this awesome blog [I meant AWESOME in a non-sarcastic way mind you that]...

Anonymous said...

I'm not really into the whole brevity thing, dude.

The Blind leading the Blind said...

WishIwasEddieHaskell@7:42 "oblivious" Excellent description.

Vote Early and Vote Often said...

Today's NYT Front Page, picture of the Clinton's with the Trump's at one of the Donald's numerous weddings (wife #2, or 3, or 4, or...who can keep track of the number of families that family values party members have?)

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