Friday, October 28, 2016

BSNYC Friday Un-Quiz!

Further to yesterday's post, this is your last chance to partake of the FINAL run of the BSNYC/Walz Limited Edition (really!) Bicycle-Riding Hat™:

Also, that discount code is good until November 1st, so order now for big big savings:

BSNYC2787

Plus the sooner we clear these out the sooner we can all brainstorm on the next design, which will absolutely not be yet another rehashing of 1980s hardcore music scene imagery:


(For maximum irony wear under a helmet.)

Though incorporating the Sky Penis is oddly tempting:


I bought that record in Washington, DC when I was visiting a camp friend Lob knows how many years ago now.  For some reason a flying phallus autographed by the lead singer of the Meatmen seemed like something I had to have, and unfortunately Tipper Gore and the PMRC totally failed to stop me because I've been suffering from buyer's remorse ever since.

In other news, killer drivers are an epidemic in New York City, but their days are numbered because the Department of Transportation is about to unleash a dusk-related traffic safety campaign:


In the latest instance, a 58-year-old woman was fatally struck by a Metropolitan Transportation Authority bus on Friday evening as she walked in Lower Manhattan. The bus driver was arrested and charged with failure to yield to a pedestrian, according to the police.

As a result, the administration of Mayor Bill de Blasio will announce on Thursday a new $1.5 million “dusk and darkness” safety campaign that will include radio and television advertisements, signs on buses, and billboards to warn drivers as well as pedestrians to be more careful, especially at that time of day. In addition, the police will target drivers during those hours who speed, fail to yield to pedestrians, text on cellphones or block bike lanes.

It's abundantly clear that the city has finally given up on this whole Vision Zero thing once and for all.  $1.5 million to remind people it's harder to see when it's dark outside?  Why not make it an even $2 million and also remind them of some more obvious shit, like that it's a good idea to use the bathroom before leaving the house.  And why focus on dusk?  Drivers don't see pedestrians and cyclists at any time or under any conditions.  If it's morning they can't see from sun glare.  If it's nighttime they can't see because the cyclist or pedestrian isn't coated in Volvo LifePaint.  If it's the middle of the afternoon they can't see their victims because their victims are too short.

After all, it's always dark out when you've got your head completely up your ass.

Of course, if safety campaigns don't save us then the gig economy will, because soon you'll be able to make big, big bucks by operating a portable washing machine for bicycles:



Why clean your bicycle with a garden hose or a simple bucket and brush when you can subject it to this wacky contraption instead?  Though I will admit that if you rolled up to a cyclocross race in an A Team van and set up one of these things you'd make an absolute killing:


The only thing cyclocross racers like more than curating tire pressure journals is kitsch.

Just keep in mind that the bicycle washing machine is not gravel compatible, and should any gravel find its way into the inner workings of the machine it will explode in a hail of shrapnel killing everyone in a 50 foot radius.

No, to wash your gravel bike you'll need the $50,000 Gravelizer Wash-O-Matic 2000™:


It uses proprietary environmentally friendly 100% smug dry cleaning solvents that won't delaminate your crabon frame or infiltrate your hydraulic braking system, and it's fully pressurized to prevent tire pressure fluctuation and dropper post malfunction.

Speaking of smugness, if you look up "smug" in the dictionary you'll see this picture of Chris Froome, who's been all over noted smoker and asthmatic Bradley Wiggins for his TUE abuse:


Having previously said the process was “open to abuse,” Froome went further in Japan on Friday, demanding that the World Anti-Doping Agency hire independent doctors to examine cyclists.

“I’d certainly like to see the whole process reviewed,” the Briton told AFP on the eve of the Tour de France’s Saitama Criterium race, where he faces a strong field that includes two-time defending world champion Peter Sagan.

Though of course Froome himself has been known to avail himself of a TUE or two on occasion:

Froome himself was revealed by the Fancy Bears hackers to have been issued two TUE certificates for prednisolone, which is used to treat a variety of inflammatory and autoimmune conditions.

As well as to hit the ol' inhaler mid-race:


And yes, it would appear that prednisolone is performance-enhancing:

CONCLUSION:
From these data, short-term Pred intake did seem to significantly improve performance during submaximal exercise, with concomitant alterations in hormonal and metabolic responses. Further studies will be necessary to elucidate the mechanisms of these hormonal and metabolic changes, and to determine whether the changes may be associated with the marked performance improvement obtained.

So there you go.

Lastly, common belief holds that the left wing loves bikes and the right wing hates them, but the truth is that no two philosophies are incompatible, and indeed you can be both a Trump supporter and a sanctimonious cyclist:




To wit:


He then moves on to cyclists' rights:


Asserting that cyclists are human beings:


Though this is not true in all cases:


Nor is this:


I'm sure there are plenty of cyclists who are loved by nobody:


(#whatfascismyourunning)

Then he invokes the three-foot rule:


For some reason the three-foot rule never came up in any of the presidential debates, but it's the first question I'd ask of any Supreme Court nominee...

...after #whatgavelyourunning of course.


(Rivendell's gavel eschews the carbon fiber construction and dropper shafts that have become standard across the industry.)


67 comments:

BeerDrivenCyclist said...

Podioioio...

It’s Friday knob holsters.

Party on, Wayne.

Party on, Garth.

Spokey said...

well no yeller but at least a podi

Spokey said...

i'm just thanking LOB there is no quiz again

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Bang on my chest and say "Represent!"

from Miami.

vsk

Spokey said...


There is a big demand for cleaning bicycles

am i still dreaming? or did i drop in to some bizarro world when i blinked my eyes a moment ago?

N/A said...

Specialized is currently developing a zertz fitting for their crabon gavels, in order to isolate excess shock forces from reaching the hands of your favorite Supreme Court nominee.

boys on the hoods said...

top 5 off to do the quiz

N/A said...

My bikes are pretty dirty, and that's just going to have to be OK. I ain't cleaning the damn things, that's for sure.

Old timer said...

Couldn't quite make the break...

Spokey said...

sometimes i wipe the dripping chain lube off the chain stay. and i use the valve caps to keep the presta thingee clean.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...what's a 'camp friend'? is that someone who tries really hard to be your friend, but hilariously fails at it?

Grump said...

Snobby, since pedestrians (and cyclists) are always at fault, NYC should require pedestrians to wear a flashing strobe light whenever they venture outside after sundown.

Anonymous said...

Baltimore Bike Share kicks off today!

babble on said...

K, so apparently there are Samsung washing machines that DO blow up, firing shrapnel at exreme velocities and endangering all life forms in the laundry room. Seriously. Ask the Great Google if you don't beieve me. The moral of the story? Don't put your gravel bike in a Samsung washing machine.

Um, and mmmmmm penis. I love a good penis, airborn or otherwise. A penis is one of my very favourite things, cause it so well with my pink canoe. :)

BikeSnobNYC said...

Grump,

Well they do recommend you carry a flashlightl.

Though I suspect if anyone actually did that they'd get arrested for burglary.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Spokey said...


seems to me that the moral of this story is to clean absolutely nothing. i've already deemed my vacuum cleaner a fire hazard and refuse to plug it in.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I pity the fool that don't read this blog.

UN-Q UIZ!

JLRB said...

Is this week over yet?

Tusk said...

You bought a penis album cover while visiting a camp friend. Which one of you dropped the soap at camp?

Donald The Cat said...

Roads are rigged for Mexican cyclists, and their bikes made in Ghina. You won't see me on one of those things unless it's polished brass and pink marble. Something classy, like in my new non-Trump-Dumps.

CommieCanuck said...

McGuyver could make that bike washer out of fishing line, three sticks of Dentyne, and a box of paper clips.

I do kinda want to climb into it naked.

mr mojo risin said...

Keep your eyes on the road, and your hands upon the wheel

CommieCanuck said...

K, so apparently there are Samsung washing machines that DO blow up, firing shrapnel at exreme velocities and endangering all life forms in the laundry room.

Serves people right for trying to make phone calls with a washing machine.

CommieCanuck said...

BUMP TISH

leroy said...

My dog insists I notify folks that if you order three (3) BSNYC cycling caps and cut up the elastic waist band from a pair of boxer shorts, you can sew your own mankini top w/ matching thong posing pouch.

I'm glad he's thinking of ways to support Mr. BSNYC and his 17 children, but I'm not buying his "the-best-gifts-are-homemade-with-love" BS.

I still have the X-Box he made for me from a Bass Weejuns container with a big green "X" drawn on it in crayon.

And he still has my fifty bucks.

Ride safe all!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Tusk,

I dunno, but the visit was back in the 1980s, which was probably the last decade anybody laughed at a soap-dropping joke.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

CommieCanuck said...

I still have the X-Box he made for me from a Bass Weejuns container with a big green "X" drawn on it in crayon.

And he still has my fifty bucks.


Another future Wall Street banker, so cute when they steal from Grandma's purse.

bad boy of the north said...

babble,it's really difficult(I didn't want to say harder)(it might've gotten a different response)to follow today's post from you(lol),but thank you for setting me straight(uh oh) on mercykx and the peddling thing.
took an early Halloween weekend ride today,it's a little brisk in nyc's woolen hat.ride safely all and carry a big....flashlight!

recoveringMiamiCyclist said...

Ahh, I recognize the voice of the megaphone man from my Miami days. Such a character. He organizes lots of cycling events in Miami and is all over town yelling at drivers with that megaphone. He was paralyzed by a driver about ten years ago and will often scream things like "Do you want that cyclist to end up like me?" at passing cars.

One time he threw a rock at a car that attempted to right hook me, pulled into the lane of travel in his wheelchair and blocked traffic while I proceeded through the intersection.

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

Forget the podium, I didn't even show up at the start line for today's post, it's Friday and I'm beat to the schwantz...

Re the "camp friend", I think we'd all like to know whether or not it was band camp.

Re #whatfacismyourunnin, I think he has his swastikas on backwards. They work like skis more than wheels, and the way they are on the leading edge on the ground could catch on a tree root or rock. I shudder to think what would happen on gravel.

Anonymous said...

BSNYC, I total disagree with you, I'm sure at a Trump rally you can find lots of "people" who think homosexual jokes are hilarious, same with jokes about blacks and Mexicans.

Two degrees said...

Rcm@413p... that's pretty darn cool even though he called for Hillary for prison...and today's news might get him his wish.though the Donald may be in the pokey as well one day

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

I had a run-in with the driver of a Jeep in Piermont a couple of weekends ago. I was climbing up a short street called Broadway Street which is anything but broad. Heading North to a stop sign on 9W. The street is very short and comes after a much steeper climb. Said Jeep driver comes up behind me and honks the horn. He can't pass me because the road is too narrow, it's less than 100 feet to the stop sign. he's pissed me off so I moved further to the center of the road so he can't try to pass me. Then there is an oncoming car and he's boxed in. We get to the stop sign, and in one of my finest moments, I start a conversation with him by asking "What the fuck's wrong with you?" and from there the conversation was just dueling FU's and fingers. Well my two friends were faster and were already waiting for me at the stop sign. They had a good laugh and then we all really laughed when we saw the Trump sticker on the Jeep's back bumper.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Lieutenant Oblivious,

There seems to be some pent-up hostility in Nyack/Piermont towards the cyclists who keep their cafes in business.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

crosspalms said...

Sorry I'm late, I was visiting my wife in Beijing (she's teaching there for a semester -- second time for her). Blogspot is one of many sites the Chinese government blocks, so I've got some catching up to do. The Guardian wasn't blocked, though, and I thought you'd enjoy this review of another overpriced bike. Made for quite a contrast with the hilariously misnamed "Gallop" I borrowed from friends to ride while there: no gears, lots of rust, cobwebs on the seat post -- but it did the job just fine.

Two degrees said...

Is Weiner messin'with the "rigged",ahem,election?

Anonymous said...

Fuck it:

1. C

2. E

3. A and B

4. A

5. All of the above

Bonus Video: Hilarious. I didn't know you could bend a sausage that far!

Great quiz Snob; see you next week.

BikeSnobNYC said...

crosspalms,

But that fancy bike has primitive rim brakes! What gives???

--Wildcat Rock Machine

bad boy of the north said...

Lt.O...nice!

Lieutenant Oblivious said...

You're right on that Snob, Piermont and Nyack have a hate/love relationship with cyclists. Be careful at stop signs, stop for any red lights, and never ride more than single file. But I should have asked the guy if it would have killed him to wait an extra minute instead of coming up behind me and honking his horn when we're both coming up to a stop sign where we all need to stop? My conversation opener of "What the fuck's wrong with you?" wasn't the best choice.

bad boy of the north said...

Nah,lt.o,appropiate.

bad boy of the north said...

Damn.. appropriate

JLRB said...

Dear Donald - Short of the anti-lob crawling out of her mouth in the next two weeks, I am still voting for Hillary over your crazy egotistical greedy azz. E-mails shamails.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

As a ped,I was nearly run down by some BMW douchebag exiting a parking garage. Now they'll take your right of way on the sidewalk. Get this, it wasn't even dark out.

JLRB said...

Lt. O - If I had a nickel for every time I regretted flaming a motorist that messed with me ...

I think our blogger-host pointed out the futility of doing so in one of his books (with a picture of flames or bad breath coming out of the helemented cyclist's mouth), but it is hard to resist in the moment - I blame it on adrenaline, but its probably just human nature. On those few times when I've held my tongue or said something smart that turns it back on the motorist it is always much more satisfying.

Glad your faster friends had a good laugh.

Old Man Winter said...

Waiting for Hat 3.0 to come out (insulated), it snowed upstate yesterday.

Down the Lazy River said...

Babble @ 14:06 Hey, pink canoes have been known to explode too.

Anonymous said...

re: Baltimore Bike Share
Congrats! Also be very glad that it's not run by the same asshats (Motivate) who run Citi Bike in New York and Jersey City. They can't manage their way out of paper bag.

5,280 Feet said...

Babble "airborne" You a member of the mile high club?

Finding Bill Insane said...

Carlos Danger and Hill - WOW - who would have thought it? Small wonder she deleted all 22,000 of his texts with pictures attached.

Mr. Peabody said...

4:51 Quiz: I realized I've gone over the one hour limit (put your pencils down and turn your answer sheet over); but I'm still working on it, leaning towards "D" which isn't there - it's the stealth answer.

dancesonpedals said...

Gil didn't send the emails, and they weren't on her server. Kind of a nothing burger

PowerBar Farts said...

sundown you better take care
if I find you been crossin' in the crosswalk with the right of way

Ball's In Your Court said...

The jury is out on the gavel bike, as it is yet to be judged.

babble on said...

But exploding pink canoes are a good thing and like pot have yet to kill anyone. Oh, hang on. So yesterday I was walking out of a shop when I saw a kid (IMPO: turns out he's 20, while my sons are 13 and 24) RUN IN FRONT OF A BUS. It was brutal. Few weeks ago a film crew in front of our place was shooting a scene where someone gets hit by a taxi and I was suprised at how loud the impact was for each of the three takes I saw. When the bus hit that kid yesterday the sound was not nearly as loud, and yet it keeps echoing in my mind. He was tossed like a leaf in the wind and he hit the ground with an OOOF I will never forget. Turns out he is a sheltered young man from Vancouver's Asian community who had been in the Cannabis Culture Vape lounge next door. (Only in Canada, eh?) He had one hoot and literally went mad. He ran through the building in an absolute panic, down three flights of stairs, out the door and in front of the bus.

My heart goes out to his mum. He was conscious and screaming in pain within a minute or two, and there is nothing on the news of his demise so at least he has survived, but it made me wonder whether anyone has actually died from an experience with the Wednesday weed after all.

babble on said...

Spokey - welcome to the twilight zone. Heh. and Bad Boy? Just to set it straight: you did actually say harder. Mmmmm harder. :)
And all of my bikes are a lot like me - they tend to get mighty dirty.

bad boy of the north said...

Merckx....darn stubby fingers

dop said...

Is it just me, or is anyone else bothered because the Peshmerga don't wear helmets?

Anonymous said...

"Dear Donald - Short of the anti-lob crawling out of her mouth in the next two weeks, I am still voting for Hillary over your crazy egotistical greedy azz. E-mails shamails."

==================================
Meanwhile Clinton is ready to start war with Russia, has the full support of the neocon cabal that continues its imperial wars for oil today as well as Goldman Sachs, and will no doubt sign off on TPP.

Good job!

Jeb said...

I sure does hope that when the Donald Trump gits to be the prezdent he does and goes gits us back those good ol' jobs we use to have, those ones you could still somehow do even if you were drunk and not git fired.

Aeldra Robinson said...

I was nearly run down by some BMW douchebag exiting a parking garage. Now they'll take your right of way on the sidewalk. Get this, it wasn't even dark out.
road trip Portugal

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Aeldra Robinson,

No douchebags, no BMW's or no parking garages in Prtugal?

Anonymous said...

Anna: Do you want to build a snowman?
Elsa: It's always dark out when you've got your head completely up your ass

Priceless

bieks said...

All I wanted was a Pepsi

JB said...

OMG! I haven't been able to get to the commenting page for months (error/block for some reason). Hi guys and gals. I've been getting so much done at work.

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