Monday, November 9, 2015

BSNYC Friday Fu...Oh, Wait, It's Monday, Never Mind!

I can't imagine anybody still takes the sport of professional cycling (or really any sport) seriously.  Sure, I did see someone wearing a full US Postal kit and riding an OCLV Trek last Friday, but I can only assume the rider was thusly equipped in the spirit of irony.  Still, if there really are one or two people out there who continue to buy into pro cycling, it's about time you finally clip out and walk away:


The UCI’s proceedings with the Astana team over its WorldTour licence have been definitively closed, with no resulting sanctions for the Kazakh team, who have been granted a place in cycling’s top tier for 2016.

Oh come on.

Even more implausibly, Astana managed to convince the UCI of its integrity with "the creation of an information technology platform that has the objective of improving communication between the various components of the team:"

At the end of the probationary period of four months that ISSUL’s mandate has lasted, it can be noted that, on the whole, the situation of the Astana team can be considered as very significantly improved compared with that revealed by the audit report ordered by the Commission in December 2014, in terms of the training plans for riders, the team staff, race management and medical care,” read the Licence Commission’s reasoned decision.

“To this can be added the creation of an information technology platform that has the objective of improving communication between the various components of the team. As the 2015 season has finished, these favourable findings draw the proceedings undertaken before the Commission to a conclusion; these are now devoid of purpose for this season.”

At the heart of this information technology platform is providing all riders and staff with a state-of-the-art mobile communication device:




Once a week, general manager Alexander Vinokourov will call everybody on the team and remind them not to cheat:



Problem solved.

Speaking of drugs and sports, it's all over the news today that Russia is running a state-sponsored doping program:

They also account for 11.5% of the world's doping violations, though Astana's home country of Kazakhstan still managed a very respectable top-10 finish:


This report is important, because unlike bribery, doping affects the outcome of athletic competitions:

“This level of corruption attacks sport at its core,” Richard H. McLaren, a Canadian lawyer and co-author of the report, said in an interview on Sunday. In contrast to corporate governance scandals like those currently roiling world soccer, he said, drug use by athletes has distorted the essence of professional games. “Bribes and payoffs don’t change actual sporting events,” Mr. McLaren said. “But doping takes away fair competition and an equal playing field.”

Wait, what?

This sounds suspiciously like VeloNews on the whole Thrift Drug controversy:

By all accounts, Armstrong’s winning move was a motorcycle-like attack up the Manayunk wall. If he indeed fixed the race, he still had to get into the winning breakaway and attack like a rocket up the climb. If he proposed some cash agreement to his breakaway companions before the move, then he was just increasing his already strong chances at victory. In that scenario, I’m more inclined to shrug the episode off the usual mid-race agreement, only with a major incentive.

Anyway, the incongruity of all of this was summed up quite succinctly by this serendipitous juxtaposition on my Twitter feed:

So basically, the current state of affairs is:

Russia?  Filthy.

Cycling?  Clean.

I'm sure Chris Froome is hoping everyone's still busy picking through the Russian report when he releases his physiological testing data next month.

Of course, we all know you don't need drugs to win at the competitive cycle-biking.   All you need is a state-of-the-art race bike--like the Cipollini NK1K, which Bicycling magazine calls "a racy bike for the rest of us:"


Here's an abridged version of the review:

The Cipollini name is synonymous with uncompromising raw...

slightly rounded...

hard-edged...

upright...

rider position...

ride comfort...

ultra-stiff bottom...

the head tube is taller...

permanently mounted...

direct mount rim...

thru-axles front and rear...

And here's the explosive climax:

Like Cipollini’s other bikes, the NK1K is Italian to its core—engineered in Verona, built in Florence, hand painted in Pisa, and assembled in Padova. Available in seven sizes, (from XXS to XXL), all this Italian sweetness will cost just $6,895 (frameset only) and become available by January 1.

That's it?  "Just" $6,895?!?  This really is "a bike for the rest of us!"

And here I was thinking this was going to be just another absurdly overpriced plastic Fred sled marketed by an aging pervert who doped his way through his entire career:


I couldn't have been more wrong.

Lastly, so many people have been killed by drivers in New York City that--and you're not going to believe it--our mayor actually acknowledged it!


Really?  Has it?  "Just a little?"

The car has been "a little too sacred" in this country like Internet access in North Korea has been "just a tiny bit spotty."

And I don't expect either to change too much anytime soon.

77 comments:

Anonymous said...

hi

cycle

Anonymous said...

Scored!

cycle

dnk said...

Hi Ho!

Two Claws said...

Two claws up!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Can we add an extra step to the podium?

Anonymous said...

Oh Dang....Toppus X

Freddy Murcks said...

I am going to go out on a limb and guess that maybe Kazakhstan has the highest per capita rate of doping sanctions in the whole world. I could be wrong. But the 47 violations shown in that NYT article seems pretty high for a sparsely poopulated country like Kazakhstan.

Anonymous said...

Rapha!

Roille Figners said...

Yeeah boyyyy, flava flav

Borat said...

Fuck you, Freddy Murks!

You know what's sparsely populated? The hairs on your head!

crosspalms said...

"Frameset only," eh? I bet the Venge people are saying "so THAT's how he kept the price so low."

samh said...

Well, de Blasio the first step is admitting you have a problem.

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

like Internet access in North Korea, my panties have been "just a tiny bit spotty."

Bryan said...

I love how the industry tries to get the consumer to think that a bike (full, and especially frameset only) costing in excess of 5k is some sort of good deal that we should all go buy. Fuck them and their sanctimonious lies. I thought the price I paid for my Fred Sled was ridiculous at thousands below that, and only got it because of an employee discount. You can get a custom made Reynolds 853 framed bike for less than Cipos frame and fork (**I'm sure. I haven't looked, but how can you not).

I hope I don't get hit by a car when I come up to NYC this winter. Maybe I'll wear a helment, that'll save me.

JLRB said...

"cash in a cake box"

So that's what the kids are calling it these days ...

Anonymous said...

Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines...

JLRB said...

As an American I am disappointed we did not make the top ten. We must redouble our efforts.

We need more scummy, European-style collusion, even if it left a bad taste in people’s mouths

One thing. said...

one thing leads to another.

Freddy Murcks said...

Borat - The least you could do is spell my name correctly, you goddamned foreigner.

Anonymous said...

After reading today's post I left with an "ultra-stiff bottom"

Steve B said...

There's actually a difference between "Weight Lifting" and "Power Lifting"? How the hell have I gotten through life being in the dark?

McFly said...

The Aging Pervert is a nice name for a boutique sex shop.

Anonymous said...

De Blasio is not the worst. Apparently in a press conference about numerous pedestrian killed by vehicles, some "reporter" was concerned about not enough tickets for bicyclists:

Asked about "inconsistent" enforcement of laws regarding cyclists and drivers without licenses, the mayor said that he was ensuring that there was "very vigorous enforcement across the board," but suggested that those issues were minor compared to speeding, unsafe drivers.
"I think a lot of it is, people who have a license and are not under the influence, but are driving too fast. I still think that's our number one problem, and not being mindful and not respecting pedestrians."
He added, "Lets be clear: the central problem is vehicles being used wrongly and endangering others."

BamaPhred said...

Present! So I can quit calling my plastic Fred chariot the Cycle of Shame and now go with Cycle of Irony?

leroy said...

When cars are unsacred, only the unsanctimonius will drive.

And a child could lead them.... If the safety issue weren't a tiny bit spotty. I mean wolves lying down with lambs is one thing, but someone has to think of the children.

Grump said...

Snobby, snobby snobby.
Next you'll be throwing down outrageous claims that Pro Wrestling isn't honorable.

herzogone said...

@Steve B
Weightlifting here refers to Olympic-style weightlifting which typically involves the snatch and clean and jerk lifts, vs powerlifting which is usually squat, bench press, and deadlift.

I was startled by the resolution of nonplussed bib shorts guy in the Cipollini photo. I had forgotten that was from wikimedia. It's undoubtedly the uploader himself, he is clearly a master at looking nonplussed.

S. Tyler Hendrix said...

Bikecycling magazine comes through with some more crucial information for those looking to be better bike riders:

http://www.bicycling.com/training/bikes-and-gear/readers-choice-the-best-kind-of-razor-for-cyclists/runner

Here's more money and time down the drain...literally.

Simon said...

Astana: no criminality suspected.

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

Scranulogical Forecast...hard-edged.

Rolnard Covzure said...

Hey now, seems to me the mayor went out on a limb and needs to be thanked. Granted in today's environment it only takes a small step to put you out on a limb, but it's still a limb. Let's not be the People's Front of Judea arguing with the Judean People's Front because they're on our team but not radical enough!

Vernal Magina said...

Lol, yeah the "frameset only" bit had me chuckling too...

Anonymous said...

Coolest bike dad ever

dnk said...

Whatever happened to the Popular Front of Judea?

bad boy of the north said...

anon@123pm
yeah,pretty cool.

bad boy of the north said...

pretty darn good abridging work,mr.snob.very funny.

Roille Figners said...

BSNYC Friday FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

JLRB said...

Coolest Bike Dad Ever dies when wife sees video of him being coolest

Show_me_the_Money_Diack! said...

Good thing the IOC's Top-5 media markets are clean! Clean! CLEAN!!!!!!

Get back to me when Kenya, Jamaica, UK, USA get the same level of scrutiny as the Russians.

ChamoisJuice said...

Yes, road racing is incredibly boring and devoid of interesting characters. Cycling is still full of crazy, entertaining kooks, tho.

CJ JEOPARDY: (the period is the answer, if you wanna cheat)

1. This irish hardman was the last cool road racer.

2. BITD, before derailleurs, this italian roadracer invented the QR lever, so that he could reach down and switch gear ratios while riding. How he never lost a finger is a mystery. Went on to found a fairly popular component company.

3. This bipolar bike mechanic set the world hour record on a bizarre homemade bike that used parts scavenged from a washing machine. Fucktarded UCI banned his bike idea immediately. He went home, came up with another crazy bike idea, and went back and broke the record AGAIN. AGAIN, tradition bound UCI retards banned his second idea..

4. This pioneer of ultra distance racing, first made a name for himself by winning the iditarod thru the alaskan tundra, on a garage sale MTB he converted to brakeless fixie. His "kit" with thrift store wool, garbage bags and duct tape. His "energy food" was purchased at quickie marts, eating mostly circus peanuts, marshmallow fluff and drinking canola oil. He is now a clif bar athlete and Patagonia ambassador.

5. This seattle wigger first made a name for himself by jumping out of the Brooklyn Banks, over a 10ft high chainlink fence set 20ft back from the top of the bank, spinning a full 360 degrees in rotation before landing. He developed a reputation for deadman moves and homemade tattoos, most notably a giant basketball jersey backpiece with his name and the #1. He quickly picked up some of the most desirable sponsors in the sport, but lost them just as quickly due to selling his bikes to fund his meth addiction. Somewhat clean, Santa Ana based bike company that makes all hardgoods in house, USA, and sells the most reasonably priced full custom cromo frames available $550, gave him a second chance. He responded by getting their logo as face tat, teardrop style. Still known as complete wildman, for his unpredictable violence, and fucking like a champion.

ChamoisJuice said...

6. This guy is the rare guy with huge pain threshhold, balls, skills, and unadulturated fun on the bike. 2X US XC champ, Olympian, 4X singlespeed world champ, cyclocross boss, and top DH enduro racer. He is one of the guys bringing mtb tech(long toptubes, short stems, hydro brakes, 1X drivetrains, thru axles) to the stunted inbred world of CX. He also drinks whiskey and gets tattoos.

7. This pansy is the only person to win the single speed world champs and not accept the winner tattoo.

8. This aussie still holds the most commanding world cup DH win ever, winning by 14 seconds in Fort William, Scotland. He had to retire from racing, after losing his passport for making habit of breaking bottles over people's heads in barfights..

9. This gap toothed dooder was top level racer, based primarily on natural skill. Got out of the racing game, once the sport became dominated by performance enhancing drugs and clipless pedals. Continues to get paid to ride kid's bikes and travel the world into his 40's. .

10. NY based bike company, built Greg Lemond's Huffy and redesigned the citibike.

11. This legendary 24 hour mtb relay race team, made a name for themselves by finishing at the top of the pro field at Canaan, while sharing the same bike, a girl's english 3spd, converted to fixie, with huge ape hanger handlebars. More notably, the shared the same chamois, a pair of carrera acid-washed jean look bibshorts they would swap along with the baton. They were also higher than catshit on hallocenogens.

dop said...

Does it bother anyone else that Italy has a Po river, but no Tinky Winky?

Captain Obvious said...

CJ is a fucking retard. He's probably even more annoying than Ted K. Not that I read the shit that either of them post.

Sorry to have to be the one to break it to you, Ted K. Your manifesto just isn't cutting it. You're going to have to start mailing letterbombs again if you want to spice things up and take back your title as 'THE MOST ANNOYING FUCKFACE AMONGST THE BSNYC COMMENTARIAT.'

babble on said...

Oh Snobberdoooood, again you are exactly, precisely right, and in such a Monday kind of way. Oh the sad, sad irony of it all. The whole point of sport is that it is the polar opposite of serious, so how is it that anyone can be serious about sport? The only thing which IS serious in sport, and it is the thing which makes it a serious business is the money. Well, if you're a guy, I suppose, cause the pro women racers I know, for example, hardly even scratch out a living at it, proving that even sexism in sport is more serious than women's salaries.

BUT because the men who make it to the top make such a serious chunk of cash they will naturally do whatever it takes to get there.

And it looks Mr Putin is good with that, to absolutely nobody's surprise. Heh. I would like to see our leader take their leader on, mano a mano. Apparently he is pretty good in the boxing ring, much to everyone's surprise. And our boy Justin is honest, too. He is quite up front about his aspirations for us Canadian dopers, and they're most definitely not the performance enhancing variety!

1904 Cadardi said...

@Captain Obvious

At least Ted K is only a mindless script bot.

babble on said...

dop - Wow, now there's a blast from the past, and I still have a pre-teen at home. Small children in your life, are there? Lucky you. :)

Anonymous said...

Nationwide traffic fatality map.

http://metrocosm.com/10-years-of-traffic-accidents-mapped.html

A good idea to check out where the most dangerous intersections are in your local area and avoid those. Here in NYC, it looks pretty dangerous. Also maps fatality by cause, drinking, speeding and driver inattentiveness. Frightening.

1904 Cadardi said...

Snob,

People still take American Football seriously and those players are clearly doped to the gills. So you think anyone will care if a Kazakh shot putter juices? Not really, no.

In exciting "Thank Lob I don't live in NYC" news, a motorist was arrested after driving into a supermarket . So it can be done.

dop said...

The small children all 18 and 20, now in college.

Teletubbies seems to have been written by people on acid.

dop said...

Don't lose your cool, Captain Obvious. You've been the voice of reason (at least, the obvious parts) and you made me truly regret my feeding the trolls.

I also thought that comment by your Penis was almost as funny as some of Leroy's Dog's posts.

JLRB said...

And let's not forget how dark it was in NYC 50 years ago today

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

#11, Who is team Hugh JAss, and why is the drooling CJ chasing after them, trying to get a sniff of their well worn shorts?

JLRB said...

Also, as the not-so-proud owner of that stupid Diesel VW, I am now entitled to $1,000 and some road-side assistance If I owned 6 of them I could afford the aging pervert bicycling frame...

Captain Obvious said...

Thanks, dop. I am a little short on sleep and, thus, a little irritable. Fucks are in short supply today. No shortage of fuck-os, however.

Freddy Murcks said...

My only actual quibble with this article is that the VeloSnooze rider implies that doping in cycling is a thing of the past. Otherwise, I'd say it's reasonably thoughtful and well written.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Murcks -

Denver driver who hit market arrested for trying to go through express check out lane with more than 8 items.

Apparently, some of those items were controlled substances.

Otherwise, it would just have been an oopsie.

Freddy Murcks said...

Mr. Leroy - I believe you have me confused with Mr. 1904 Cadardi. He is the man of the supermarket diver story.

ChamoisJuice said...

Hot Carl, Dirty Sanchez, Cleveland Steamer, Rusty Trombone: Whatever turns you on, baby. I'm into all of 'em, baby.

wle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
wle said...

well

any time i see the word "sport", i have to wash my screen out with soap..

a. pretentious

b. too much like ''spurt''

wle

Richard Hell said...

Love Comes in Spurts

Dumb Bell said...

What the hell is a 'clean jerk'?

Dooth said...

Who else heard Rush after reading "the rider was thusly equipped in the spirit of irony?"

Anonymous said...

7. This pansy is the only person to win the single speed world champs and not accept the winner tattoo.

The death of cool.

Anonymous said...

Going down on Dorothy is like eating a blueberry muffin. Crusty on top, stuck to wrapper, and blue inside.

ChamoisJuice said...

Personally, I just happen to like the taste of semen.

ChamoisJuice said...

I'm not gay or anything like that. Really. I suck dick (a lot of dick, in fact) because I just happen to love the taste of cum. I really can't get enough of that shit. If I am not here or at BikeForums.net pounding out my stream of consciousness rants, chances are pretty good that I have a dick in my mouth.

bad boy of the north said...

how do I get good contain?

NHcycler said...

1904 Cadardi @3:47

There wasn't a single mention of "accident" in the entire article. It was referred to as a "collision."

Anonymous said...

check out this piece on helmets
http://www.howiechong.com/journal/2014/2/bike-helmets

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