Tech bros are totally gonna disrupt your lock!
Hey, don't worry about what happens when it's raining or freezing cold. It works like one of those claw machines and that's all that matters:
And may I interest you in some wonky chainrings to go with that?
At first glance you may think these are no different from the so-called "Rotor Q Rings" so popular with the Speed-Fred set:
But if you look more closely you can see these are a good 47% wonkier--so much so that it looks less like a crankset and more like a hedgehog with a giant boner:
Well, nobody knows for sure, but it's based on SCIENCE!
It also takes your load better:
Which is why this guy uses them:
By the way, this marks the 10,000th Cipollini reference on this blog, so knock off work early today, head to your local happy hour, and buy yourself a drink on me:
Just present the above to a bartender and enjoy a shot of the bottom-shelf liquor of your choosing.
Indeed, between the free drink and the wonky rings, you should be very excited by now:
Lastly, remember when millennials weren't buying cars anymore and we were at the dawn of an enlightened urbanist future in which everyone lived in cities and rode bicycles and public transit to get around?
Well, no. In fact, we're at the cusp of the biggest year for car sales in American history:
A number of global auto makers are similarly optimistic on demand in the U.S., where car sales are surging on strong consumer confidence and low fuel prices, putting the market on track for what could be its strongest annual showing in history.
What's more, as rising rents mean only the rich can live in cities with robust public transit and bike infrastructure, it appears "Fuck it, I'm leasing a Hyundai" (or a Subaru) may remain a rallying cry for the foreseeable future.
131 comments:
poor Ted Kazcxzcxki
where is his power process?
podio, scranus
Good morning, peeps.
podididdidlio
podio
A hedgehog with a giant boner walked into a bar, and got one free drink, courtesy of Wildcat Rock Machine.
Pre-Ted? AYTedKsSMB
I'm going to make some square chainrings. It'll blow away all you Freds. SCIENCE!
(Yawn) Good morning! Guess I’ll go read about these remarkable, gravel-specific chainrings now.
Screw wonky chain rings. It was cold this morning & I left my gloves on the counter.
The only upgrade I want for the ride back tonight is some $5 gortex cheapos from a street vendor.
Triangle chainrings are more stable. Science says that triangles are the stablest of all structures.
That Cipo pic is unbelievable. "What? You tell me dress nice. I wear sweater. I go to buffet. Where your, how you say, your brother's daughter?"
I changed a flat this weekend on a bike that had biopace chainrings. Aren't we supposed to wait for all evidence of our past mistakes to disappear before we repeat them?
The beginning of that lock video reminds of something that Taco Corp would put out.
I have a love for some non-round chainrings. I had a bike with Suntour Ovaltech (not Ovaltine) rings and really liked how they felt. I have a biopace chainring set hanging around waiting for a bike to go on, as well.
As for Subaru - my parents bought my sister one, as they wanted her to have a car with AWD. It drives nice, but I really don't care for the inside. My wife's Honda Fit has one of the best cockpits I have seen in new cars.
Old people buy cars.
Hyperbole or Hyperbolic chain rings
AND, the linked article in the lantern rouge comment from yestermonday covers so many of the bike dude bro stereotypes mocked here. Very kind of the family to donate the parts.
where am i? oh that's right. sad sack position 16
daily routine stains
My Honda Civic cockpit has clamp-on aerobars.
thanks for bringing the post back down to a 6th grade level we can all understand Snoober.
unfortunately, my boners aren't hedgehogs, but they are a little wonky.
anon - you stay away from my morning routine lady!!
Incomparably Unctuous
by the way, the fact that subaru is selling more cars is like saying Colnago had huge numbers this year.
I thought a Subaru was a kangaroo that could swim underwater. Live and learn.
Dyson's working on a ball-shaped chainring. Just a heads-up. Says three dimensions are better than two.
hey
i bought a subaru back in may. that rotten spousy gave my beloved camry (with drum brakes) to sluggo. considered a prius v but toyota says no hitch even for a bike rack. so i wandered in to a subraru dealer and kind liked the similar outback.
it is much nicer than the the 13 yo camry although i do miss the manual tranny compared to the weird cvt. but the interior is much nicer with quite a few interesting (perhaps occasionally wonky) touches. and it so lifetime mpg in the low 30s with my very local driving. much better than the camry.
yeah, subarus are nice and they are made so that YOU, the actual owner, can do repairs. so that is nice.
i'm just saying that subaru isn't selling nearly the volume of the big guys. except they do have the "vermont slow ass driver in the fast lane" market pretty well cornered as well as the ladies that like their routine with other ladies market. that they have pretty well locked up...with a GRASP LOCK!
Spokey - I may replace my liar-liar-pants-on-fire VW diesel with an Outback - which model did you get? With the gas mileage you note it must be the 4 not the 6?
Toppus xxx
yep
the trim line is the 'premium'. i think it's one trim line up from the bottom. it's a 2.5 4cyl. wouldn't considered anything else unless i lived in say a mountainous area. as far as i'm concerned it has plenty of get up and go. and i do respect power. i've owned a couple mustangs and a couple nissan z cars although i do admit that i'm slowing down a bit (but in the right lane only).
i think all the higher trim & 6 cyl models come with the keyless ignition which i did not want.
Wow, guys. How secure you are to buy the lesbian's car of choice. You might even say that lesbians have snatched up the market. Subaru even makes a model called the "XV," which of course stands for "extra vagina."
after seeing the news of poor, poor Charlie Sheen, i think you may want to go get tested Chamois Juice.
Nice to see biopace back on the market..As the Generalissimo stated 'Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.'
Rapha!
has anyone here actually used a wonky chainring? anything to it? (aside from..SCIENCE!)
or is it likely placebo effect - as in, i've just paid a shit ton of money for this, i can definitely feel the increased power.
which is exactly the same thing i exclaimed upon firing up the penis pump i ordered.
You ever had a wish sandwich? Two slices of bread and you wish you had some meat.
We own both an Outback and a Forester. I drive the Forester because it has more head room, thus making it easier to enter and exit, among other reasons. Other gentleman I know prefer it to Outback for the same reason.
It's nice to see Cipo destroying a buffet plate, though a little disorienting that on first glance I thought he was a hot woman.
Car sales are "on track for what could be" a record-breaking year? That translates to [nothing] plus a little bit of "We wish good luck to the the guy from the auto industry who paid us to run this enhanced content."
wouldnt that just be a sandwish?
http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/contador-without-doubt-i-have-won-nine-grand-tours/
How many times can they reinvent Bio Pace?
The subaru WRX is very popular with the tuner types around here, pretty sure not many of them are lesbians, but I could be wrong.
bohh dohh daah bum
Mr Figners. It will be a record breaking year for auto sales. And it's funny, cause when I saw that photo, I thought "Hey! I see definition like that on my legs some (skinny) days, but have never seen what those bands look like when they join at the hip before. (Because I have a sweet tooth and love a glass of wine! :P) So you're right. He does have girly legs. Hot is a question of taste. When I was nineteen the John Casablancas agency told me that I could have a great long term modelling contract, but first I would have to do something to "get rid of some of those unsightly muscles." They had a plan, and expected me to follow it. I said goodbye to my dreams of fame in fashion.
Sigh. It saddens me that I read AYTedKsSMB as All You TedK's Suck My Balls without pausing, blinking or thinking. I have spent far too much time here.
I love you guys, and specially you, snobberdooderdoo.
But yikes. I've gotta lotta shit to do.
The people in that bike lock ad are so stiff, I wish I could get a bike lock made of their "personalities." They needed the Grand Prospect Hall people to coach them on appearing natural on camera.
@P. Bateman - I have used Suntour Ovaltech chainrings on a Suntour edge group. It definitely felt...different. I can't say better or worse than round rings. Sheldon says there is something to them. I also have a bike with Biopace 2.0 (after Shimano flubbed on their marketing making people think that biopace was only for slow people with a slow cadence), and I can't feel a difference. Really though, all those non round chainrings make for a royal pain in the ass to set up the front derailleur.
Where is TedK? Early trip to the PO, has he given up, or gotten to the end of his screed.
One bike mechanic's opinion/experience/research on non round chain rings.
My dog boasted that he got a Hummer, but I've seen no evidence of a motor vehicle.
I wonder if he meant something else.
Chris Froome has won TdF on Osymetric rings. That feels good.
Harrumph. Sheldon Brown. Biopace wheels. Tough talk for a dead man.
last legit spot before an illegal gathering. all you subaru fans watch out for the head gasket problem associated with the bigger displacement motors...
Question: What happens when you put non-round chain rings on elite athlete's biek?
Answer: The elite athlete doesn't perform better or worse.
Therefore non-round chain rings do nothing.
Velonews had an "analysis" of tire efficiency the other day that set reddit on fire with saving 20 Watts. Only the headline is not likely at all and their conclusions were not based in the data. One of them was "ride tubeless on deh roads cuz datas sez so" Only the data said nothing of the kind.
Too many fools with too much money riding bieks and they post their desire to flush money down the drain on reddit. Seems like an opportunity lost.
The reason we "need" a new lock: "They (the current locks) are clumsy, awkward to use and take forever to simply lock up your bike."
Forever, like 3-5 seconds, a veritable lifetime, oh the suffering we've endured; thank you, thank you for saving our lives.....
save time - get girls
https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/don-lapres-road-to-selfimprovement/2860971
i forget the combo on my lock all the time. i had set it to my oldest brother's combo on one bike trip thinking one of us would remember plus one person could unlock both bikes while the other, for example, was paying for lunch.*
i do remember all digits but often forget the order of the middle numbers. even so, if the lock doesn't open, trying the other one still makes unlocking sub-10 seconds.
as for the new lock, i notice that one of it's features is that it stays locked even if the batteries are dead. and it takes but a screwdriver to remove the battery cover.
i'm pretty sure the prankster in me would definitely be removing the batteries every time i saw one of those. and of course i'd set up an artisanal battery stand nearby where the poor cyclist could purchase expensive replacements.
* was a nice idea until my idiot brother left the common money wallet in the lunch place and we lost about $150.
Things we know about CJ: he lives in the northwest (I thought he'd said Oregon, but it may be Washington) and he claims to own a '89 Fuso made by Dave Moulton and he has claimed to have owned it for a few years. Yesterday, Mr. CJ posted a link to the Dave Moulton Fuso owners registry. Assuming that CJ is not full of shit, there is one '89 Fuso that has been owned by its current owner since 2012. The owner's name is Cleveland Jacobs of Seattle. It's too much of a coincidence that the initials match (CJ = ChamoisJuice and Cleveland Jacobs) and the age and ownership time of the Fuso match. Therefore, I think that CJ = Cleveland Jacobs. And guess what, there is a Cleveland Jacobs who lives in the Seattle metro area who is a ... REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER. I obviously don't know if the Fuso owning Cleveland Jacobs is the same as the sex offending Cleveland Jacobs, but it's not exactly a common name and i think that there is only one Cleveland Jacobs in the Seattle metro area. I also don't know if CJ = Cleveland Jacobs = sex offender, but, given what we know about CJ, I am sure it would surprise precisely no one if he was a registered sex offender.
And while this all seems a little obsessive on my part to have run this down and it may just be a series of coincidences, I do take some pleasure in knowing that CJ may have outed himself by being an insufferable braggart.
aww dammm.
Ranger Dick @1:32
Should someone 6'0" tall who rides a 64cm frame be commenting on other people's bike fit?
Scranular condition - swampy - damn snob, I was hoping for boobs yesterday with the whole stained blouse incident
Anon @1:52 - That may be a wrinkle in my analysis that I didn't notice. Could a 6'0" person even stand over a 64cm frame? I am 5'11" and I ride a 57cm (I do have short legs, however).
nice work, Columbo! Yes, I am totally a black guy. Tho that would explain my disdain for the hasids.
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2013/03/its-wednesday-and-come-to-this-thing.html
This is when I was first looking at buying the bike. Obv, the craigslist post doesn't work anymore, and I posted as anon in those days and hadn't fully developed my schtick.
AND FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME, I'M NOT BRAGGING, I'M CONFESSING ;_;
a 64cm frame?
gross
its just a fact that the perfect fame size aesthetically speaking is 56cm.
Capital Vee Neck.
Confessing to being a registered sex offender or confessing to being completely full of shit?
Why can't he be both?
It's all fun-n-games until you're a red dot on a website.
Is that the guy on the Cleveland Show? He seems so nice. Maybe it was just for public urination.
And recumbabe looked great on that link CJ posted.
The 56 cm bike frame is the size 10 shoe of the bike world.
...and if the id is a match, Cleveland is to posting what Cleveland is to great cities.
"I'M NOT BRAGGING, I'M CONFESSING"
Go tell it to your sponsor/counselor/probation officer.
CJ - Is this you on the number 37 ape hangers bike?
*walks up to the Grasp bike lock and gives a good hearty tug till it pops open*
"Yeah, that just happened."
re: charlie sheen. OK, Adam22/onsomeshit is kinda the James Huang of the bmx world, except he's a sociopath hipster with neck tats and sleeves.
LOLZ
The oval rings are kinda hot right now in the MTB world. With 4 bolt, you can run them the traditional way, or the biopace way, as ol' sheldon brown explained.
I personally think they are not such a terrible idea. Yes, they shift like crap, and more likely to throw the chain, but who is running a kludgie front derailleur in 2015?!?!? Kinda feel like the hate for biopace BITD came from the technologically inbred and tradition bound world of road racing. And that the true Freds, touring types, were actually kinda about the oval rings.
Fabien Barel, the french DH and Enduro champion, constant tech tinkerer, has been running one of the most bizarrely shaped rings I have ever seen. However, one of his knees is totally fucked, and his one of his femurs ended up shorter than the other after a break....
http://www.vitalmtb.com/photos/features/WINNING-BIKE-Fabien-Barels-Canyon-Strive-CF,8214/Slideshow,0/sspomer,2
The bike check is fairly interesting tho... I like their slideshow format
wow, just put this black saddle on my bike that forever has been white saddle/white bars....this has me rethinking my white only stance as well as my entire existence.
black brooks here we come.
If you like oval rings, square rings, triangle rings, whatever, that's great, but they have been around pretty much since the beginning, keep getting re-invented, and keep being found to not be as good as a plain 'ol round ring.
I want chain rings designed by Salvador Dali
P Bateman - Does the black saddle revelation change your view of the Confederate Flag?
@PBateman ... some of us are waiting till the rest of you midgets catch up and they start marketing 750C wheels as the next big thing.
Fine example of "I am gonna change all that!" (the lock Kickstarter)
You could just take some time and concentrate on improving your skill at using an exist-
HEY I SAID CONCENTRATE! PUT THE PHONE DOWN!
...improving your skill at using an existing technology that's been around a long time, FOR SOME REASON. Think about it man, is it likely the whole world was full of idiots doing shit wrong for no good reason until you happened to be born into it? Or is it maybe possible that things are the way they are for reasons. PS yes I know how tempting it is to think everybody is an idiot, given all the evidence.
@JLRB - you mean as an awesome decoration for the top of a car? no, no it does not.
just for that i'm changing my pandora back over to Hank III...
@bateman
go for the slate cambium. nice looking and comfy
at 6'4" but slowly shrinking, I find a 62 frame about right
@roille
i'm pretty sure everyone in the world is an idiot 'cept me. i'm still researching, but so far . . .
Hey Babs,
There was an American bike racer named Eve Stephenson who gave up a modeling contract to race professionally. Years later after she was interviewed by some teen/fashion magazine she said the writer spent much of the interview trying to get her to admit cycling made her butt and legs big. 'Tis sad and true.
Eve won the world championship in Team Time Trial and all sorts of other races, was really really nice and yeah, she had nice legs. So you're not alone in choosing bike. And based on the horror show that is fashion, you made the right choice.
Yes, a slate cambium looks wicked sweet. I've got one matched up with dark grey Fizik tape and it's a good combo.
There was an interview with several pro lady racers, and one of them was quoted "racing a bike destroys your lady parts" :/ TAINT IS HARD LIKE CATCHER'S MITT
P Bateman - No need to torture yourself with that Hank III noise - I was just messing with you - now that you've gone black and all ...
damn, that kashimax aero is actually quite nice. wish i could find replacement padding for it. its flaking off this one. otherwise a totally comfy taint support.
As I got ready to hop on my bikecycle for a ride to work this morning I noticed my handlebars are white and my seat is black - I realized my white seat had an issue and I temporarily swapped them out about 18 months ago - the horror - my sincere apologies to all whose senses I have offended with my mismatched fugly bike. At least now I know what has been slowing me down ...
Without a doubt, Alpuerto, you're a fucking doper and you should have been banned for life.
Ranger Dick @ 1:57-
I'm 6'2.5" and can safely straddle a 68cm road bike with my cycling shoes and cleats on, so I think a 6' 0" tall person can handle a 64, plus there is the whole CTT vs CTC measurement basis, BB drop, seat tube angle and other minutae to consider. I would thing CJ is getting the "French Fit" at 6'0" on a 64 cm road bike.
Ok, I kinda feel like telling a story about STD test.
I had been dating this red head graduate student/college adjunct prof. We met off tinder. First drink date went well, good convo, had two drinks, hug and a kiss... but then she wasn't responding to my txt asking when she was free again. :/
So I hit her with "hypothetically speaking, when we get married, what percent of the house do you want to be the sex dungeon?"
That's it, I knew you are crazy.
"The fun kind!"
I like you. You have spunk.
And we started hanging out. 4-5 times a week. She bought me a toothbrush. I started meeting her friend's, she started meeting mine. She was smart and sweet, did lots of thoughtful things for me, and was not emotional and irrational, like most women. Also into the same kinda depraved monkey sex I am into.
She had a bike. A Specialized Allez, with a triple, and all that stupid zertz shit. It had look pedals on it, and she never rode it much, cuz of the stupid shoes, and afraid to lock it.
So, I came across a novara hybrid, tuned it up with new cables and pads, put a comfy gel seat on it, and some of those sweet lookin' origin8 hammered aluminum fenders. I had about $75 in it. On Valentine's she made me NY steak and gave me a nice bottle of wine, and I gave her some flowers and the townie bike.
WHOA WHOA WHOA. What is with the big gift! We are just having fun here. I will be moving soon. You need to slow down.
:/ So, I decided to fuck other bitches.
I met that 1/4 jewish Yoga burning man chick with my buddy's wife, when they joined our mtb night ride crew at the bar after yoga class. I actually had matched with on the Tinder, but had never talked to her. There was obv physical attraction, we shared a spliff outside and flirted. All my married with children riding bros were trying to set me up, give me advice, pushing me to get her number.
Meh, she wants it, and I have her contact info anyways. And showed them her profile on my phone. Yep that's her. WHOA, she's limber! Followed by married doods swiping away on my phone for 45 mins. I told them they could message ONE girl if they wanted to, but nobody could come up with a good opening line.
Anyways, yoga girl and I started hanging out. Red head prof found out about this very quickly. Like within 2 days :/ Fucking small towns.
Anyways, I'm our with yoga girl at some shitty cover band dance night, and we getting freaky on the dance floor, and she tell's me "You can't fuck me until you get a STD test"
Which is entirely reasonable, but irritating, in that the main reason I was hanging out with was to fuck her. Also, I wasn't looking forward to having a Q-tip jammed up my urethra.
got a txt from the red head "how do you feel about booty calls?" I actually didn't check my phone for 20-30mins, cuz I was dancing. See this, and am like fuck this noise, I'm out of here.
"How do you feel about three ways?"
"LOLWUT? Where did that come from?"
Just curious.
I'm into it, if the girl is sexy. I'm selective like that.
"NOW YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE"
You still need to get a std test tho...
"OK, um, I'm pretty tired, and I need to go to work early tomorrow and stuff"
What?!?! Are your seriously going to ditch me at the bar?
Yeah, guess so.
WTF, nobody does that to me
Sorry
Drove to the redheads house,
What are you doing here? That was a theoretical question.
We had extremely angry, violent monkey sex. She sent me a photo txt of marks I left, and complained I threw her back out.
I did go to the Planned Parenthood. Two ladies asked about my sexual history and preferences. One was an early 20's mulato girl, very delicate and beautiful, and I could tell she was aroused by my answers. They asked if I had ever had any gay experiences. nope. Intravenous drug use. nope. Well, you don't need the HIV test then. I'd like to get them all. Get the clean bill of health.
Are you showing any symptoms? Nope. Why are you getting tested? Seems like the responsible thing to do.
Peed in a cup, took my blood, they don't sound your schmeckle with a q-tip these days!
Your results will be ready in 7-14 business days, call this automated number, enter your pin, blahblah.
So I wait 7 fucking business days without banging this incredibly flexible yoga gal with a bubble butt. NO RESULTS AT THIS TIME. 8,9, 10. no results. Did you get your fucking results yet ChamoisJuice? NOT YET RRRGH. 11,12,13,14. OK this is fucking rediculous, and call up planned parenthood. Hmm, let me put you on hold and check up on that.
"Ok, Mr. Juice? I've got them here. They must not have got processed into the automated phone system. You have a clean bill of health"
WOOOOOOOOOT!
Though they do not have a test for the HPV for men. Which is actually the most common std out these days. Has no symptoms for doods. Causes cervical cancer and infertility in women :/
I don't like the AIDS test. That shit is scary. So I take the roundabout AIDS test. I ask my friends, do you know anyone that has AIDS?
No.
GOOD! CUZ YOU KNOW ME.
Ladies, loose legs lead to unwanted pregnancies. If you want to defend your womanly virtue, just hold an aspirin between your knees.
CJ - I wish your mom would have had the good sense to hold an aspirin between her knees. I am sure she has wished the same on more than one occasion.
I must protest this tired canard. (duck, fr )
Holding an aspirin between the knees leaves the back door wide open and does not prevent pregnancy.
i once ran a fowl of a canard.
he was my doctor but i thought he was a real quack.
It's a figure of speech, dop. And because I am a withered old dinosaur, it's a horribly sexist figure of speech that implies that the responsibility for preventing unwanted pregnancy falls entirely on the fairer sex. Nonetheless, it is a slightly amusing play on the title of today's post.
If you don't remember who I am (it's totally understandable if you don't), here's a link to my WikiPedia page.
You know, Ranger Dick's investigative reporting, CJ's yarns, and a Lord of the Flies reenactment are not a good use of anyone's time. Just sayin'.
Well well well
Century BOT?
hah, read that as frosty forst (rip). cj, wtf? do you see anyone else posting long-winded shizzle as above? (tl:dnr). sexual health is a modern concern certainly, but share less please, it's like hydration, everyone fucking knows.
OVER SHAR
GETN NONE
JRLB,
How old are you exactly? You still use Yahoo as a search engine?!?! Do you have an AOL email, too?
Pro tip: Google for normal shit
Bing for the pornography. Google has gotten kinda prudish over the last few years. Plus, you don't have to be as paranoid about deleting your search history/ cookies/ passwords, etc.... because n oone fucking uses bing for anything else. Delete all, no one is the wiser. Wifey will not be all, WHY IS THE INTERNET HISTORY AND PASSWORDS DELETED? OR, WTF YOU LIKE ASIAN WOMEN?!?! I'm not asian, don't you love me anymore, or any of that irrational BS.
2nd point: That #37 photo is the legendary TEAM HUGH JASS. I only wish I was as cool and badass on a bike as those doods. Coincidentally, that photo is a link to that very same bikesnob post I linked to today.....
Oh Leroy, it's so true. None of this is a good use of my time, but here I am anyway. It's prolly an addiction which I will have to give up in order to finally write the Great Canadian Novel. But whilst I'm here...
Mr Cadardi - Thank you. Yes, it was an easy choice at the time, though clearly modelling pays a lot better than does my non existant pro cycling career.
Mr Dick? I can't speak to his height, nor his sex offender status, but I can tell you definively that CJ is not black. Remember a year or two ago when he linked to a knuckle tat photo? There was that. Um, and I have recently seen another photo (or two) which conclusively proves that he is in fact a white boy. Just sayin is all.
I remember you, Frosty Forster's Lager Friess, and I remember how you made Mrs. Alan Greenspan stutter wover that aspirin remark. My riposte (fr) is cadged from woman who commented dkos a few days after.
he's a white ze.
lets be a little more gender neutral.
oh wait, i mean ze's a white ze.
Hello Ms. Babble. You said you were busy, so I headed for your blog. You haven't been busy posting, that's for sure. I made the mistake of taking a look at your strava log....very busy, coming up on 10,000 km for the year. Jeebus.
But, but... the background video of the wonky thing is taken directly from the rapha website!
CJ, I still use an aol email. It cracks me up every time I give it to somebody. Old school is the best school. I use the Google, but an not on the facing book or the instant graham. I am on the snapper chatter as of a few days ago, but that is only because some young whippersnapper loaded it onto my smarting phone as a goof.
I am slipping off into my dotage relatively unconnected. I still take the daily paper, but it is a quick read for the most part because I already read almost all of the "news" on the internet the day before.
Tech bros hates these keys ... stay away from the keys!
Hello Mr Dances on Pedals. Thanks for checking out the poor, neglected babblelog. No, I've not been posting. I have a ton of things to say, (as ever and always) but at the moment my time is spent staying in shape (so as to stay out of a wheelchair) and trying to make a living. Takes a ton of time the bit about staying out of a chair, and in what little spare time is left and with my still strong despite the chaos creative drive I intend to write a few stories which have been brewing in this (some say) weird and twisted mind all this time.
You know I won't be able to help myself. I will tell you all about it soon as one of them is finished. I will prolly lean on you folks for feedback.
Heh. Maybe I'll take a page out of CJ's book and write stories of cheap and casual sex.
Or mebbe not. :)
Babble - he already sent you a dick pic didn't he.
There was this gorgeous hipster doctors without borders paratrooper chick I was snap chatting and swiping with on the internet because I can't make eye contact with a real flesh and blood woman. I was dropping some serious old worn out pick up lines I read in a book because I can't make up real conversations and she (I think it was a she - hard to tell on the internet) was all like OMG LOL :-) and then my mom walked in
Cleveland Jacobs eh? Quite a piece of sleuthery... though I kind of hope CJ is BRONSON SHONK of Seattle WA. Just cuz how can you not like the name Bronson Shonk?
Fer fucks sake, I don't post pictures of my bikes on the interwebz for validation, and I sure as shit don't join bike registry clubs. I was providing that link for the edification of the uninformed commentariat on sweet ass, handcrafted artisinal blow smoke up your ass road bikes.
Yeah, I have been emailing babble. Bikesnob was deleting my posts when I actually abandoned my schtick of 100% white bike elitist. In real life, I see things in shades of grey. I was somewhat irritated that bikesnob was not letting me show my real side. And wanted to share it with someone in the commentariat.
Also, I kinda wanted to go on one of the beach cruiser rides around the seawall in Van she's involved with. Big fan of the cruiser drinking rides. And checking out bikinis at the beach. Or lack of bikinis at Wreck Beach.
I will not lie, I did have some ulterior motives in that she is definitely one spandex clad middle aged roadie whose wheel I wouldn't mind sucking.
I don't think we are so different as people. Both have need for attention, which I express through hating and bike dork extremism, and she expresses through enthusiastic snoberdoodle love, and pg-13 exhibitionism. We have had some good talks. For what it is worth, she has a way with words when it comes to heartfelt erotica.
Anywho, she seems like the kind of sex positive, uninhibited lady who wouldn't be put off by the question, and might even like it, so I asked her if she would be mad if I sent her a nekid piktor.
She wasn't, so I did. :O
It's more of a torso, leg nood, not just disembodied log next to a tube of toothpaste for scale. CLASSY.
I am one of those perverts, or I prefer the more mental health sensitive term, hypersexual bipolar types that does do that sort of thing from time to time. Never without asking first, tho. And I am fully aware that there are weird, fat, gay doods in indiana, and scammers that will blackmail you by threatening to send them to your mom or whatever.
I don't have a learning disability, and always develop a report, get a feel for the person, first. And get a real #, which I plug into facebook. If their FB comes up, goes back 5 years, matches their profile pics, it's them. Really if some gay dood can accurately impersonate a girl for 45 minutes, and develop a fake internet persona that goes back 5 years, he has earned the right to look at my nekid torso. Honestly not too worried about it. I'm not famous. And I'm moderately attractive middle aged guy, honestly I don't think those photos are gonna blow up the net any time soon.
I usually do this is in the middle of the night, when I can't sleep, and am consumed by sexual mania. Believe it or not, some women actually are into bonezone, and like to participate in sexual fantasies. Crazy, I know. For whatever reason, I like to go to foreign cities online, and talk to women in cities I'd like to visit. COLOMBIANS ARE MY FAVORITE <3 <3 <3 Venezuela is good, too.
90% of the time, I'm flirting with some e-girl, innuendo gets heated, ask if they want to see me nekid, send her one, she sends me some, I tell her she's hot, she tell's me I'm hot, dirty talk, mutual rubbing one out, followed by DEEP REGRET, and never talking to the other person again.
There was only one time, I have traded nekid piktors with a woman, and then actually met up with her in real life, and I guess I should tell the story.
We matched on tinder. She's a redhead, same age as me, though I normally like younger. Her photos were in wild, theatrical outfits with lots of feathers, a few artistic black and whites, and one bikini shot whipping her hair back out of the sea.
She messaged me first on tinder, which generally means, in order of likelyhood,
1. she's a bot trying to get you to go to a porn site
2. she is fat and good at disguising her weight in photos
3. is actually attracted to you and wants the dong.
Anyway, we were BSing about this and that, learned she's a performing artist, wedding photographer, dancer, traveling nomad type, who was in the islands for the summer, but would be going back to NOLA soon, and she said "so bikes, travel, cooking, books, music are all cool. What do you like to do when you first wake up?"
Smoke weed and masturbate?
"Hahahahaha, perfect answer. Smoke weed and sex is my favorite."
Preferred in fact! ;)
So, when are we going to do the wild monkey sex?
I'll be Tarzan.
"I make a good Jane, if you can throw me over your shoulder!"
Traded the noods, commented positively on each other's appearance, arranged to meet in a couple of days.
That's the best part of the story. I actually found her more attractive in person. We hugged upon meeting. We met at the beach and threw sticks for my dog. We smoked a joint and drank wine and made out. Then engaged in carnal activities for a few days. She was actually more of a freak in the sack than me, which is fairly uncommon. She left for NOLA. THE END
I have no idea if I will ever meet Babble in real life. I kinda think she is looking for a serious, long term mate, and that's not really what I'm good at. And she has a small human, and I barely take care of myself.
Maybe we'll go on a cruiser ride. Maybe we'll go to wreck beach, it's weird as hell to go by yourself. Maybe she'll get discouraged about the lack of serious longterm options, and have an itch to scratch, and think that guy seems fun and smart and not like a stalker who will get obsessed with me. I have no idea. I truly think women hold a lot more power in these decisions than men do.
Why oh why does Cipo where sneakers in a nudie pic?
Obsession with 80s porn?
For my research I googled 'Cipollini naked'. That was a mistake...
Bronson Shonk would never waste so much "ink" going on and on about whatever those words everyone skips past state
CJ,
You lead a rich, fulfilling life, you mutt.
Heh. Yep. A dick pic.
I always thought it was Nude photography, not Nood photos, but who knew? Turns out it's one and the same thng. I have a collection of em now, and I'm not sorry. I didn't reciprocate, but then my arse is all over the interwebs already, innit?
Erotica. Was that erotica? Huh. You asked, I answered, but if it's that easy, well hell. I'll be published in no time... :)
Mr POC? I highly doubt it. My mum is bipolar, and it's a hard knock life.
Casual Schlecks
CJ - You are a riot - you are a web browser douche as well as a bike douche? I can only imagine your views on pancake batter, how to hang toilet paper, etc. I know you say this is your outlet so you don't act like an ass in real life, but we all know your type - opinion about everything and must let everyone know it. That part bleeds through the arrested development sexual banter. But I find you amusing - please, keep it up.
But, on the Babs peni-photos - I do recall you putting others down for praising Bab's legs,etc. But maybe that was just the attention whore thing getting the best of you?
I've seen ovalized chainrings made for one piece cranks in one inch pitch. ..
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