Monday, October 19, 2015

This Post Is Boost 148-Compatible.

How to do the cyclocross:

1) Spend multiple thousands of dollars on a gimmicky plastic bike:

We were a bit surprised, though, to see how quickly the bolt within the decoupler loosened. It took about five hard rides before we heard a noise and found that the bolts were not tight. The plastic cover, too, worked loose almost immediately and cracked. It’s a decorative piece, so no big deal in terms of functionality, but aesthetics matter when you’re paying this much for a bicycle. Once tightened, the decoupler didn’t work loose again.

2) Tweet "#crossiscoming" all August;

3) Do three (3) races before you get burned out on all the driving;

4) Hang up the bike by Halloween, dodgy decoupler and all;

5) Congratulate yourself on another ass-kicking CX season!

Or, you could just skip all that and take up competitive cargo biking.  After all, why ride around in a field for 45 minutes when you can pretend you're saving the world instead?  To this end, for the fourth consecutive year Portland once again played host to the Disaster Self-Importance Trials:

Portlander Mike Cobb came up with the concept five years ago and now DRT events are held in Seattle, Eugene and San Francisco. Bend will join the list next year. Cobb was inspired by the tragic events that unfolded after the 7.0 magnitude earthquake in Haiti in 2010. “I was embarrassed as a human to watch what happened in Haiti,” he shared with me at the event today, “And the biggest tragedy wasn’t the quake itself but the secondary impacts. We have such amazing innovations when we’re motivated… like going to the moon or something; but all those people in Haiti had to suffer just because we’re not focused on it.

So I thought, what can I do?”

Well, after much consideration, it appears he decided to organize an event where people ride around Portland portaging Cheez-Its:
Shocking!

Are Cheez-Its even legal in Portland?

I can't believe that they are.

Look, I love the bikes, and I especially love the cargo bikes.  At the same time I think it's important that we be honest with ourselves and acknowledge the fairly limited utility these things have when the shit really goes down.  For example, here in New York City we've had our share of disasters--terror attacks, blackouts, hurricanes, that time the Shake Shack closed--and while a bike will certainly make your own life a whole lot easier when the subways are shut down for a few days they're not exactly the most effective option when it comes to full-scale disaster relief.  Consider the unfortunate soul trapped under a bunch of rubble after an earthquake.  What do you think is going to be more helpful in that situation: some heavy motorized equipment, or a guy in sandals on a cargo bike carrying four or five boxes of Cheez-Its?

I mean sure, he'll appreciate the snack while he waits for the crane truck, but still.

This isn't to say I don't appreciate what they're doing here.  After all, a bike can mean the difference between life and death, and their website makes some very good points.  Still, isn't this less about helping other people and more about being a "Catastrophe Fred?"  Disaster cycling is all about self-preservation, and in a real emergency situation the cargo bike is going to be all about saving your own ass, or at best the collective asses of your family--which the organizers do at least acknowledge with this event:

Family Category Rider (~15 miles, ~20lbs cargo + your kids)
The Family class are families that are ready. With kids in tow, their cargo will take care of their needs; going the distance to make sure their family is safe! In the notes, please tell us how many kids will be on your bike and you’ll get a time bonus per kid!

How many points for cooking and eating the family pet?

I'd also have liked to see a "Looting the Trader Joe's" category, but in the absence of that the "E-Assist" category will have to do:

E-Assist Category Rider (~30 miles, ~125lbs cargo)
The E-Assist class will cover more ground and haul more cargo (125 lbs) since they come with a built in booster. Riders who can prove (with a picture) that they have an off-grid charging option will get a time bonus. Bike path legal e-assist bikes only please.

Ooh!  I've got just the thing:


Like disaster cycling, the Wheezy was born of necessity, and the hardship of a grueling 3.7 mile commute:

Brutal.

Nobody should have to pedal that far without assistance.

Anyway, the Wheezy bolts rather conspicuously to your rear axle:


And you can even bring it into the office with you, where your co-workers will just assume you have to drop your lawn-edger off for servicing during your lunch hour:


By the way, why even bother with the bike in the first place?


Wouldn't it make more sense just to ride the Wheezy by itself?

I think this guy just reinvented the Segway.

In other news, World Champion Peter Sagan demands your respect:


“I want maybe more respect in the peloton,” he said. “The respect in the group is like nothing. If I speak with the old guys [about] when Cipollini was in the group or somebody like that, there was lots of respect in the group.

“Now it’s like, ‘if you don’t brake, I don’t brake’ and we crash. It’s very bad mentally in the group now. I don’t know if I can change this – it’s a big step.”

Oh please.  Sagan was born in 1990, what the hell does he know about how things used to be in the peloton?  Anyway, there's a difference between respect and fear, and everybody knows Cipollini governed by the latter:



You didn't give Cipollini plenty of room because you respected him.  You gave it to him because he was so unctuous, and if you got too close you'd hit an oil slick and go down.

Lastly, speaking of danger, a reader informs me that there's an attack owl stalking the Capital Crescent Trail in Bethesda, MD:

Capital Crescent Trail users in Bethesda were given a heads up this week about “an aggressive owl” that Montgomery Parks officials believe has taken up residence near the trail and is mistaking reflective objects and people’s ponytails for prey.

Bill Hamilton, principal natural resources specialist for Montgomery Parks, said the barred owl is living somewhere along the trail just north of River Road “and has been threatening users with aggressive behaviors which have included striking individuals from behind.”

I was amazed to see no advisories about wearing a helme(n)t when cycling on the Capital Crescent Trail, though you should be sure to hide your ponytail:

Hamilton said tucking ponytails into a hat or verbalizing a human presence while on the specified section of the trail “may help to reduce the chance of attack.”

And obviously don't wear one of these:


Chilling.

We haven't seen avian violence like this since the goose that hated pie plates:


130 comments:

McFly said...

Shout out to slugs for doing everything that snails do without a healmeant.

Kevin Earls said...

First!

Firster said...

Did I win?

streepo said...

scranus

Anonymous said...

Suck it Recumbant babes!

JLRB said...

a case of the Mondays

ken e. said...

democracy people. just do it.

N/A said...

Who the hell posts at 10:47 in the A. M., fer cryin' out loud?

Not the Firster after all said...

Curses!

Spokey said...


at least top tennis

Anonymous said...

Top 10 Bowel Movement

Anonymous said...

top dozen

Anonymous said...

Sha-Zam!

Anonymous said...

Rapha!

ken e. said...

here's an example: mcfly for comment of the day. snob for president of that scranusy region below canada.

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

Scranular Conditions: Torrid

Anonymous said...

I get no respect!

Bryan said...

Cyclocross: currently putting together a Royal Regina (I can find almost nothing on the brand) Champion du Monde (I think that is the model) as a SSCX, and all if is costing me are new external bb cups and 2 brake levers.

Disaster cycling: We just went through our own disaster here. While it was really bad out, there were curfews and people were encouraged to stay home. By the time the flood water receded, getting around on a bike was mostly ok, except for coming across all those closed roads, but I think it was actually almost just as quick for me to bike to work with some of the bridges and highways out of commission.

Coming from a background of disaster response (mostly oil/chemical spills), sure you have the local people helping, but most of the experts are flown in from elsewhere and they tend to bring their own people in with them. Local volunteers are usually discouraged from doing anything until the experts have a solid plan in place to follow, and by that time there is little need for bikes to be used to transport supplies on any mass scale, as the response will already have its own infrastructure and contractors driving vans full of stuff to places it needs to go.

Freddy Murcks said...

CX may be stupid, but it's the stupid people who made it stupid. As for myself, I just got a new dick break for my MTB bikecycle. I predict an MTB ride in my near future with no squeal rear breaking and no cyclocross. I am so excited.

As for the CX bikecycle reviews in the VeloSnooze, I have a really hard time imagining that they can even write those things with a straight face. They are soooo fucking ridiculous. A $6500 plastic bike that's a "great value" but that has a kludgy flex adjust thingamajig that self loosens and a cosmetic cover on the kludgy flex adjust thingamajig that promptly breaks and falls off. And the dickhead reviewer has a total hardon for 142x12 spacing, because heaven forbid that your new plastic bike be reverse compatible to any of the bike stuff you already own. And it has a fucking seat mast, so it can never be ridden by anybody but you. Apparently marginal gains that no one can detect are totally worth it. It would be like comedy if it weren't so sad.

Carlos Caliente said...

Top XX us

dnk said...

I admit to having consoled myself: when the shit really goes down, at least I'll have my bicycle.

But really when the shit really goes down I'm really going to need some Cheez-Its.

Really.

Not an Old Guy Yet said...

Not that your asked, but inspired by Leroy, I rode my age out-and-back yesterday (106 miles total.) Intend to try this every year. People are asking me what happens when the year comes when I can't make it all the way back, and I said:

1. I will then know I am an old guy.

2. The next year I switch to kilometers.

Dooth said...

Wait a minute, Wheezy?...the Jefffersons!

JLRB said...

An e-Assist for a 3.7 mile commute? Somebody needs to HTFU

Spencer said...

Cheez-it..not Cheez-its
like, he has a case of Cheez-it on his Big Dummy.

P. Bateman said...

damn, i honestly wish some hippie hottie were portaging some cheez-it my way right now. those are f'ing delicious and frankly, i'm a little snacky.

Anonymous said...

Affinity cycles organized a few rides to the Rockaways after Sandy. We brought donations and rode them out. They also had a cargo van there to show us really how little fits inside two panniers. We did get there quicker than the van, but that made no difference whatsoever.

Oh well. It was fun, and it made me feel somewhat helpful.

David Pearce said...

I especially like this part of the comments in Bethesda Magazine, where the owl stole the hat-with-light off some guy's head!

Savory Simple Mark • 6 days ago

He is definitely taunting you. Barn owl don't care!

2 • Reply•Share ›

imajicka1 Savory Simple • 5 days ago

It's a Barred Owl. Barred owls are bigger than barn owls. They are also more crepuscular, which means they can be out and about before sunset, while barn owls wait until after dark.


Mainly because I like saying the word crepuscular!

babble on said...

Ha! McFly for the McMonday's COD in GOLD!! Big, wet podium kisses... XX

Yep, voting day here in Merika's other twelve states. I am off to do my part to ensure we remove that monster from our top seat in parliament. Here's hoping my fellow Canucks see the light and follow suit. Heh, and if you can believe it, there is some concern that the Blue Jays' game might actually affect voter turnout. Ferfucksake.

bad boy of the north said...

any zombie attack-specific beik fiets?anyone translate the word"zombie" into dutch?

grog said...

CHEE ZITS

David Pearce said...

The cost of fancy wheels is out of hand!

$2,850 or $2,400, mentioned in the cyclocross review, is just ridiculous!

Please! Get a horse!

Me and my Bike said...

"Disaster cycling is all about self-preservation, and in a real emergency situation the cargo bike is going to be all about saving your own ass, or at best the collective asses of your family--which the organizers do at least acknowledge with this event."

Well sure. If TEOTWAWKI occurs, a BOV which doesn't use gas or get stuck in massive Woodstock-like traffic FUBAR should get a lot of consideration, and as far as helping other people, well they are mostly motorists......

leroy said...

Silly goose.

You can't have your pecan pie and attack the pie plate too.

DB said...

Looting the Trader Joe's.
Excellent.
Was reading quickly and thought you were going to say Cipo was given lots of room because he was infectious.
Great post today.

P. Bateman said...

Canada has a baseball team?

got myself some cheezits. the tabasco ones. god they are good.

i enjoy the great bike and culinary advice i can get at this fine blog.

Anonymous said...

when the shit ever hits the fan, I intend to pack my bike in my car along with several bottles of booze and get the fuck out of dodge. Living on an island with 1.6 million people with only a few options on and off is not an ideal place to be in a zombie apocalypse.

BamaPhred said...

Congrats McFly on winning the podium. So I should purchase a $6000+ bike to race cross so I can get pulled after the first lap? I'll take two..
Back to ripping out tile.

Anonymous said...

mmmm...TBHQ!


Cheezits ingredients:
Enriched Flour (Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamin Mononitrate [Vitamin B1], Riboflavin [Vitamin B2], Folic Acid), Soybean and Palm Oil with TBHQ for Freshness, Skim Milk Cheese (Skim Milk, Whey Protein, Cheese Cultures, Salt, Enzymes, Annatto Extract for Color), Salt, Contains Two Percent or Less of Paprika, Yeast, Paprika Oleoresin for Color, Soy Lecithin

P. Bateman said...

hell yeah TBHQ - its like oiling your chain, you want to give your body an occasional spritz of petroleum to keep things running smoothly.

HRDragonfly said...

Be sure and watch John Oliver's comments on the Canada elections (Babs).

Barred Owls can get a little crazy. They do hang out in daylight sometimes. I have watched one flutter up behind a deer and pop it in the back of the head. Surely, just for the fun of it. I can only imagine the magnified hilarity if it popped the back of a Fred head.

We need far more large predators for humans. Toothy. Winged or unwinged. Bloodthirsty and fleet of foot. I would engineer and release them myself if I was a mad genius. But alas, I am just mad.

bad boy of the north said...

I wonder if the acronym.teotwawki,woud've done well for the band REM?robot say"tricycle".

STF_ill said...

No friggin' way...the owl stole a dude's headlamp

https://a.disquscdn.com/uploads/mediaembed/images/2655/7373/original.jpg

Roille Figners said...

Attack Owl theme song

NHcycler said...

David Pearce @12:18

"The cost of fancy wheels is out of hand!

$2,850 or $2,400, mentioned in the cyclocross review, is just ridiculous!"

Wheels that cost less than $3k are what some reviewers call "budget" or "training" wheels. Save the $4.5k wheelsets for racing day.

N/A said...

Holy cow, how can I dare to be seen in public on my $250 wheelset? Tiagra hubs? What am I, some sort of idiot?

Comment deleted said...

Apropos of nothing, what do y'all do with your derelict rims? I'm building up a collection of ones that are NFG anymore (worn braking surfaces, broken axles I don't feel like fixing, etc.). Is there any better thing to do with 'em than just toss 'em in a landfill?

NHcycler said...

I've got a worn out Rolf Vector Comp wheelset in that hideous maroon shade hanging on the garage wall, just to add a bit of color.

Frickus Rungus said...

The wheezy is nothing new. I've been seeing things like that whining and whirring around town for several years. A quick web-searchy-search and I found the following posting: According to Harry, an 85 year old former high hurdles record holder, electric assist trailers are not cheating. link
I'm not sure if he's demonstrating a two legged hurdling technique, or if he's just airing out his scranus, but he seems to be having fun...

Frickus Rungus said...

Comment Deleted - Make one of these with your old bike wheels.

Anonymous said...

"Is there any better thing to do with 'em than just toss 'em in a landfill?"

The aluminum rims should be highly recyclable, but are of a higher grade than aluminum cans; you can't just throw them in with the cans. Check with you landfill or your yellow pages to find a place to sell/donate them.

Steel rims and hubs also recyclable but are less valuable per pound. And they do't weigh much.

JB said...

Cheez-It brand cheesy snack crackers are, by far, the best cheesy snack crackers out there! A must have for road trips.


"Oh, the apocalypse has happened and look at me, I was prepared so I can ride around town with my 'lectric cargo bike!"
[gun shot]
"Thanks for the Cheez-It crackers and the bike, loser."

Moral of the story: In case of apocalypse, make yourself scarce."

Freddy Murcks said...

I've always been a Cheese Nips man. Cheezits are too salty.

34th Steet, Hampden, Baltimore, MD said...

"Is there any better thing to do with 'em than just toss 'em in a landfill?"

X-Mass

is

coming.

the goose is getting fat.

P. Bateman said...



"Without the Ridekick trailer, I’m limited to 4 or 5 miles around the neighborhood. With the Ridekick boost, I can manage 16 to 20 miles on one of the local bike paths"

yes, i am also somewhat limited to probably 50 miles or so right now on my bike due to my sub par condition, drinking habits and cheez-it intake, but i find that if i go get on a motorcycle i can go much further without much trouble at all.





Jean-Francois Caron said...

Anonymous said...
"Is there any better thing to do with 'em than just toss 'em in a landfill?"

I don't know about your town, but our local bike co-ops do bicycle recycling. We even take 100% broken stuff to separate the plastic & metal. Maybe call around and see.

Roille Figners said...

Hey CD - I've seen them used as pot racks and I've seen people get all artsy-fartsy with them (similar to links from earlier commenter). Even with these two ideas you can see we're pushing the limits of the definition of "useful." Unless you have some other idea from this or are planning to go to Burning Man, recycling is probably best. Aluminum alloys are one of the easiest things to recycle - it uses something like 6% of the energy it would take to get the same amount of aluminum from new ore.

Anonymous said...

On top of mandatory helme(n)t laws in Vancouver (America's teabag?), now there are renewed calls for mandatory bike licenses after "a bizarre attack on a pregnant woman."

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/bike-licensing-pregnant-mandy-pappas-1.3277120

A good majority of the riders coming through the city are from suburbs (i.e. different municipal laws) but why let logic get in the way?

Comment deleted said...

Thanks for all the great ideas. I'll look into the recycling route.

Dan said...

Not sure about pie plates, but that goose really has it in for Weird Al.

JLRB said...

I do not know what a decoupler is on a crossed-bike and I refuse to look it up

I love the goose attack on Weird Al

I ride part of the Crescent Trail for one of my commute routes - half tempted to go ride through the owl zone with my BSNYC cap and see if it is scared off by the seal of disapproval

Make Them Pay said...

Finally after that pregnant woman was struck by an aggressive cyclist blowing a stop sign, a forward thinking Vancouver City councillor had decided that enough was enough and will introduce a motion to city council to enforce the licensing of bicycles. This will make the roads a safer place.

1904 Cadardi said...

Missing from the Cheez-it ingredient list is Cheezium-12. Cheezium-12 is what makes them so damn cheesy. Nacho cheese Doritos have Cheezium-14 which spontaneously decays into Cheezium-12, one sodium and one chlorine atom, which forms the salt crystals on them tasty little crackers.

It's science.

babble on said...

Heh heh... yep I caught John Oliver's rant this morning. What a hoot.

I love owls. I knew a barred owl once. I used to take the little guy to Crescent Park a few times a week when we lived in White Rock, and almost every time we stopped by in the afternoon, a certain barred owl would follow us round the ponds as the boy chased bull-frogs. It never attacked or threatened, but if we called for it, the owl would hoot back at us. I never saw it hunting, but it sure was active during daylight hours.

And I was strafed by a large white owl down by the Fraser River a few weeks ago, just after dark. It looked just like a ghost coming at me in the dark. It was absolutely silent, with a massive wingspan.

Linda Lovelace said...

Make Them Pay, forget about the licensing, they should be doing something about publicly blowing stop signs.

1904 Cadardi said...

@CD,

You can make coat hangers with a bent spoke for the hook. A perfect holiday gift for the Fred in your life.

A friend used to make wind chimes.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Any self respecting man would opt for Cheez Nips. Do any of you geezers remember Cheez Waffies? I prefer my ches out of an aerosol can, like Cheez Wiz. Imagine being stupid enough to eat Cheez Wiz.


Then there's this, not for the faint of heart.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2585888/Honey-Boo-Boo-family-messy-playing-pet-chicken-painting-stomachs-tossing-cheese-food-fight.html

P. Bateman said...

looks like you can use old wheels to easily* make wooden wheels for a giant wagon
wheel tutorial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU8QSCyenKw

wagon tutorial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVB9bfkPFtc

you would then have a perfect conveyance to bring home a metric shit ton of cheez-it to the whole family.

*depending on your access to professional woodworking shop and amish craftsmen


Spokey said...


jeezy wheezy

the last wheel set i bought was $40 from nashbar. come to think of it, the most expensive biek i've bought was only about 3K (plus saddle, petals, etc of course).

it's just easier to buy a new bike. all mine have come with wheels. then you donate your old bike to pedals for progress and take a tax write off. in fact you can make money that way. hmmm probably should stfu about that. those nsa fuck-o(e)s might tell the irs.

Spokey said...


P. Bateman

i think you should not fixate on cheez-its so much. you know a variety diet is a healthy diet. might i suggest you add some cheese doodles for that variety?

Anonymous said...

"...Look, I love the bikes, and I especially love the cargo bikes...
...a bike will certainly make your own life a whole lot easier when the subways are shut down...
...This isn't to say I don't appreciate what they're doing here. After all, a bike can mean the difference between life and death, and their website makes some very good points. "

~thus spake Snobby


You really wanted to champion that cargo bike race thing, I reckon, but it would've been unconstitutional to do so in the Snobbysphere so you put on a faux mocking tone.

Come the apocalypse you'll rue the day you made fun of the heroes saving civilisation on their cargo bikes.

Spokey said...


Pathetic Old Cyclist

we call those "cheese in a can". great for trips as there is nothing organic to rot.

Roille Figners said...

Easy Cheese, bacon flavor. Everything good about America.

McFly said...

JLRB,
A decoupler is your 11 year old daughter banging on the bedroom door.

P. Bateman said...

@rollie - i had a highschool friend that used to put that cheeze in a can on top of vienna sausages and crackers. it was like 80% of his diet. used to eat that all the damn time.

most nauseating thing i've ever seen.

he also was putting vodka rather than milk in his cereal before school back then too.

Roille Figners said...

I can see how one might counteract the other. On the other hand when it comes out (no matter which end) I can't imagine a good... outcome.

What's A Bit Of Trans Fat said...

Oh, you poor deluded fools. Anybody who is anybody knows that the Canadian product Hawkins Cheezies is the Alpha and the Omega of crispy cheese snack food. You can bet that as I am slowly waiting to die after the nuclear holocaust, I will carefully wipe the radioactive dust off my survival pack issue, red and white, bag of golden splendor, open it and die a happy man.

bad boy of the north said...

shooting at the OK corral...2015 style.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Spokey,

I have to agree. Instead of Cheez Its, they will deliver Cheez Wiz when the SHTF. That shit'll last longer than the plutonium that wipes us out.

Spokey said...


ah cheez wiz. the nectar of the gods topping for french fries. unfortunately here in the hemorrhoids, all the communist atheists have driven cheez fries outta here.

JuanOffhue said...

Apparently they’re having all kind of problems with critters on the trails in Maryland. Nobody has told them about sharing the road, apparently.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Dang, a couple of weeks ago I got triple podium and ... crickets. I guess it's because people saw me pulling and being pushed by a wheezy.

Fleece tights in mid October? Come ON now.

I will imagine by the lack of response and advertissment that there will be no Bike Snob New York City at the Philadelphia Bicycle Exposition.

vsk

db said...

Peter Sagan pines for respect?

I think my head just 'sploded.

Compliant-ish said...

Iso Speed Decoupler (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkSzFJLdnl0). Funniest damn thing I have seen since Jesus on a bike. Oh yeah, "improves vertical compliance" and is "perfect for a world champion or anyone who wants to ride longer and faster". By the way, I thought that any part of the bike that is absorbing vibration is draining energy that would normally go into forward motion. But what the F do I know.

JLRB said...

McFly took his funny vitamins today

DB said...

Hmmmm. Snowed in Syracuse.
What a surprise.

JLRB said...

and cheese puffs are lighter but take up more room on the bike trailer - might need that room for the Owl Repellent

Born Free said...

Post-Apocalypse Cheese Snack Food Crusted Rat recipe
Ingredients
1 rat (de-furred)
1 package of cheese snack food (crushed)
Directions
Cover rat with crushed cheese product, wrap around muzzle of 50 cal machine gun and fire off rounds until done.

Yum!

Spokey said...

i think i'll become an ova-lacto vegetarian instead

Freddy Murcks said...

Barbara's Cheese Puffs are way better than Cheez-Its, Cheese Nips, or Cheetos.

Freddy Murcks said...

In the event of apocalypse, availability of your favored snack foods may be limited (unless of course you're a cannibal, like Eddy Merckx, and you prefer to gnaw on a good ol' thigh bone), so stock up now.

Spokey said...


Barbara's Cheese Puffs sounds like an STD

P. Bateman said...

sounds like one worth having.

symptoms may include feelings of salty satiation, extreme exuberance, arousal, and erections lasting longer than 4 hours.

Jeb said...

I done gone and heard that there be a votin' going on up there in Canada. I ain't too keen on that there votin' 'cause they done gone have a 'New Democrackhead Party' which I'm sure that Rob Ford guy must have been fronting. They got a Liberal Party, which means that all sorts of weird marryin' things is going to be goin' on between people that God told our pappys that he ain't really too pleased about, and then there be that Conservative Guy with the helmet hair who knows what a real pipeline is and how much a real pipeline pumping an' spillin'* tarsands oil across our great nation will do us all some real powerful good.

*Trickle down effect like you've never imagined.

BamaPhred said...

Chees Its? Cheese Wiz? Good Gawd, everyone knows that the preferred foods of the 'Pockylips are Twinkies and Moon Pies.

Anonymous said...

You got your rat on a stick

Anonymous said...

Gopher on a stick

Anonymous said...

Squirrel on a stick

Anonymous said...

Snake on a stick

BamaPhred said...

And Century

Spokey said...


glad you got the century

but i's never had no moon pie nor twinkie. squirrel ? rat? same diff.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Quick fried, for a crackly crunch or baked, for a deicate crunch....Cheeto's....Cheese that goes crunch

crosspalms said...

Amen to Cheetos

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

TIRE SPIKES !!! 2nd Ave + 14th Street NYC

I'll repeat it tomorrow because it's impOtent...

About 8 pm to 8:10 pm, someone put 6 tire spikes on the 2nd avenue bike lane about 30 feet north of the intersection of 14th street.
I abruptly found this out as I got 2 flats. It felt like the bike ran over a stick and the tire shifted sideways and then the pssfssfssfss... I'm glad I had the idea to go back and look. 6 sheetmetal squares with the corners ripped and pointed in opposite directions were placed in the bike lane. Someone told me they are caltrops ... exactly as seen here...
http://www.chkadels.com/ProductDetail.aspx?itemno=31%20BKNJ6&sourcecode=GOCHPL&gclid=Cj0KEQjwqZKxBRDBkNmLt9DejNgBEiQAq8XWPj_p-F8go2MFSEd4An7EDx9-sI7os6JV1ThhA20PwqkaAvGc8P8HAQ

The good - I think I was the first there as no one was doing any tire changes at the time.
I got the things off the road so no one else would get screwed.

Stopped by the precinct on 21st and 2nd. Stupid protest going on. They had their hands full. Called 311 ... "Did you remove them?" -Yes "That's commendable but I can't do anything".
I'll stop by the precinct on the way home and file something...

Watch out for these things now...

vsk

Insomnia said...

More from Coronado

Anonymous said...

Pffft. One cranky owl and it makes the news. Here in the United States of Australia (at least, that's what it'll be called once the corporate slimebags finish hammering out all the venomous details of the Trans-Pacific Partnership), we have to deal with magpie attacks every freakin' spring. http://www.magpiealert.com/Swooping-Magpie-Attack-Statistics.php

Anonymous said...

She's so cold like an ice cream cone

John James Audubon said...

"...we have to deal with magpie attacks every freakin' spring."

YOU AIN'T KIDDING, MATE.

(Also, to further last week's BSNYC's ornithology theme, the Australian magpie (Cracticus tibicen) is not realated to the European magpie, or common magpie (Pica pica).)

bad boy of the north said...

vsk(alias victor).....yikes!glad you weren't hurt.did you stop at that kfc at 14th street and second(methinks)?if it's still there,they used have spicy chicken on the menu.that was when I was living in the lower eastside in the 80's and 90's.(20th century,not 19th)those were the days....
robot doin' donoughts

bad boy of the north said...

meant..doughnuts,or donuts.....whatever.now rvs

Jussarian said...

Just have to leave another couple of notes about how badass Australian magpies are, Robbie McEwen passed on a message from them recently: https://twitter.com/stephenhodgeaus/status/643388106750607360

And of course, Australia's helmet laws get involved in all this too. Since magpies like attacking our heads (even our faces - a friend of mine had a cut near his eye, from a magpie's beak getting in behind his glasses) many cyclists who haven't heard of any rules or Rapha, use the vents for zip ties to ward off contact: http://www.bikehacks.com/.a/6a0120a7ed5f9d970b013489655114970c-pi

JB said...

vsk: I hate people.

Spokey said...


vsk

sorry to hear that. you carry multiple tubes? or did you sit there and patch them?

i don't carry a patch kit so maybe i need to start packing a second (or third) tube.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

I hear dat thanks!
Northern BadBoy... I DID eat at that KFC a cupla times when I went to Baruch College ... UCLA -University at the Corner of Lexington Ave !

Smoe of my friends in the office are like ... maybe you can get video camera footage or something. I mean, even though there is absolute criminality suspected, in a thinking rational mind, it's still NYC where no one cares and some might likely cheer that behaviour!

Spokey- I carry 2 tubes with me because I can puncture it meeself in the changing process!! I have the old ones, I am sure they are sliced pretty good from the sound they made. I just have to check the casings on the tyres. I have a set of Mr. Tuffy inserts, I think I'll finally get my lazy ass to put them in.

How lazy? So lazy that I still have a piece of cardboard insulating the tube from the spoke nipple in my Paramount or Colnago Super from 2 years ago.

Now I'll go vent on TransAlt...

vsk

babble on said...

I've had those kevlar inserts in good ol Bea bike's wheels for years now. They work a charm, but I'm not sure that they'd keep you full of air if you rode over those bad boyz.

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Ms. Babble, if I saw you stranded, I'd definitely help fix your Bea wagon!!



vsk

Mike Huckabee said...

Has anyone tried my fried squirrel in a popcorn popper?

BamaPhred said...

That magpie video was awesome

JLRB said...

How does mag pie taste?

loved the super slow-mo effect - looked like a Disney cartoon

Spokey said...


now i understand why you have to wear a healment down under. it's not the fuck-o cars. it's the fuck-o birds.

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Thank You Verry Much, Ijin nitip gan dan trimaksih atas infonya

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