In response to a recent report which labeled the 66th Police Precinct in Borough Park as the second most dangerous precinct in the city for bike riders, state Sen. Simcha Felder has launched a “Wear a Helmet” campaign with a health care organization called BINA Stroke and Brain Injury Assistance.
Felder (D-Borough Park-Midwood) is taking his safety message to children, visiting day camps to talk about the importance of wearing helmets while bike riding.
Oh yeah? Why not take that safety message to the parents who are speeding all over Brooklyn in their minivans? How about telling them to pay attention and slow the fuck down? Well, because those drivers are the ones who vote for you and they don't want to slow down, so instead we've all agreed to buy into this whole safety pantomime and the Putting On of the Foam Hat:
During one visit to a day camp, Felder listened as one little boy told the class about how a helmet had saved his life. The child had gotten into a bike accident and even though the helmet he was wearing was cracked and he received stitches on his chin, his head was protected and he was saved from serious injury.
Yeah, cute story kid. Never mind that if the helme(n)t cracked that's an indication it failed to do its job, which is to compress and reduce the force of the blow. Also, it's possible the bulbous hunk of polystyrene on his head was what forced his chin into the ground in the first place, resulting in the stitches. Of course I'm not saying that this was necessarily the case, but I'm also saying it's possible that a little boy might not know what the hell he's talking about. (As a parent, I can assure you that much of the time they do not.) But why think critically about any of this when there's ICE CREAM!!!
Felder is also using ice cream to get his message across to children during the “Wear a Helmet” campaign.
From Sunday, Aug. 30, to Friday, Sept. 4, any child or teenager wearing a helmet while riding a bike may pick up a coupon for a free Klein’s ice cream from the following participating neighborhood toy stores: Toys 4 You at 4510 13th Ave.; Linicks at 4811 13th Ave.; Double Play at 4115 14th Ave.; Tree House at 5210 16th Ave; Toys 2 Discover at 5504 18th Ave.; and Totally Toys at 1435 Coney Island Ave.
Ironically all that ice cream is a far greater risk to their health than bicycling without a helme(n)t.
The coupons can be redeemed at an event called the Safety Sunday Extravaganza, which will take place on Sunday, Sept. 6 from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. at the Borough Park Ice Cream House, at 2 Church Ave.
Had I known about this, I would have set up a competing event right across the street called "No Helme(n)t No Problem(n)!" wherein I gave every kid who showed up without one a helme(n)t full of ice cream.
And let's not forget the propaganda:
For a free copy of the coloring book, call Felder’s office at 718-253-2015.
Yes, there's nothing like the meditative act of coloring to really massage those spurious messages into a child's brain, and here's a page from "Shmuli Abromowitz, the Rebbe Who Cycled Without a Helmet:"
Speed cameras have overwhelming support among city officials. A proposed demonstration program was included in the State Assembly budget proposal, but was blocked by Marty Golden and Simcha Felder in the Senate.
Still, let's not lose sight of who the greatest threat is out there on the roads:
I’ve had it up to here with the pedal bikers. They are probably the most obnoxious, arrogant, self-serving pests on the road today.
They flock to rural roads riding slowly in both lanes. They put out signs (usually screened by weeds so you have to get out of your car or tractor to read them) alerting legitimate vehicles that the ISIS of the rural roads is on the prowl looking to hold them hostage at slow speeds.
What the fuck is he talking about?
Pedal bikers have no regard for vehicles that pay insurance, gas taxes, license plate and inspections by pedaling their spindly, fragile, unsafe-at-any-speed conveyance down bucolic country roads daring legitimate vehicles to challenge them in a game of pedal bike chicken.
The stupidity of this insane situation is that eventually some pedal biker will challenge an automobile with a less-than-sharing driver. The result is a funeral. How sad. When will they learn? When will they ever learn?
All of this is 100% true, and certainly the best thing about being a cyclist is that I'm fully exempt from federal, state, and local taxes.
Yep, that's right, cyclists don't pay taxes. If you ride a bike and you've been paying them in error, simply go here to claim your refund.
Lastly, you'll be happy to know that in addition to aero road bikes and climbing bikes and gravel bikes and all the other hyper-specific bikes Specialized is now introducing a dedicated single-ring "lunch ride" bike:
As part of that rather narrowly focused design goal, Specialized is launching the new Allez Sprint in just two complete builds and one frameset to start – none of which have provision for a front derailleur. By Specialized's reasoning, bikes specifically used for criterium racing or fast lunch rides simply don't need that wide a gearing range, and the bare seat tube that results looks sleeker and cleaner.
Sorry, that's a dedicated fast lunch ride bike. You'll still need separate bikes for medium and slow lunch rides, not to mention rides at other meal times such as breakfast and brunch.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then WOW!!!, and if you're wrong you'll see what makes America great, and that's Guns 4 Kidz!
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and make sure your bike is meal-appropriate.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) Long before tackling retired tennis pros, the cop who arrested James Blake was tackling cyclists.
2) Rainbow farts! Must be:
--Rainbow Burrito Day
(♪♫"I've been Fredly on the railroad..."♫♪)
3) Apparently, some of the earliest Freds were Rail Freds.
4) What's going on here?
5) What is this?
6) This person and his mustache were arrested for:
--Theft of some onions valued at between four and five shillings as per an outstanding warrant from 1874
7) We're sooo much better than the drivers in China.
***Special "Fat Bikes Are Here To Say"--Themed Bonus Video***
Probably the most accurate assessment of the fat bike trend to date.