Friday, May 15, 2015

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz And Hiatus Announcement!

Before anything else, we've got some scheduling business to attend to, so everybody take out your calendars and your crayons:


Please note that after today I'll be gone (from this blog, anyway) until Tuesday, May 26th, at which point I will resume regular updates.

Oh, relax.  You'll manage.

By the way, while all the letters on that Hello Kitty calendar look somewhat obscene (I think it's the little hairs), I probably should have censored that "A" because it's particularly suggestive:


Then again, I may just be particularly suggestible.

Anyway, when I decided to become a semi-professional bike blogger I clearly went into the wrong business.  Sure, I've got a cushy contract with myself that allows me to take time off whenever I need it, but I've got nothing on this guy who takes Freds riding around New York City for money:


This is a lucrative niche, because everybody knows Freds get incredibly antsy when they don't have ready access to plastic bikes, electronic gadgetry, and sickly-sweet boutique energy fuel:

He found early success by making riding easy for visitors. Customers can go to his website and choose from six routes based on their fitness and available time. After they add their frame measurements and book a time, Phillips shows up at their hotel lobby with a bike and leads them on their selected rides so they don't have to worry about missing a turn or getting lost. 

Phillips uses a fleet of BMC bikes and provides helmets from Giro. Customers also can choose Look Keo, Shimano Dura Ace, or Speedplay pedals; recieve a Garmin 800 to use; and the bikes even come with bottles filled with Skratch labs.

This is a great service for people who would rather dork out on a loaner bike in New Jersey than spend time experiencing one of the greatest cities in the world with the person to whom they made a lifelong vow:

Last August he launched The Domestique and has been catering to a variety of New York City visitors. “I work with a lot of executives in the city on business, people on vacation, and husbands attempting to get out of carrying their wives’ shopping bags,” Phillips said.

Assholes, in other words.

If this guy adds a divorce attorney component to his business I predict it will go public by the end of the year.

Still, if he can get upwards of $250 just to take people out on River Road then he's doing something right:

The 40-mile River Road option is the most popular, but Phillips’ favorite ride is the hilly 90-mile Bear Mountain option. The service costs between $250 and $450, depending on the route.

Either that, or he's simply a prostitute, which would explain why these guys can't wait to ditch their wives.

Anyway, I headed over to his website, where I watched this video:



Which seems to be an advertisement for both his services and this $250 jacket:


Sure enough, his routes include all the standard-issue New York City area Fred rides, including three (3) laps of Central Park:


If this guy is getting paid to take people for rides around Central Park then that's just fucking incredible.

Meanwhile, schmuck that I am, I'll be "curating" a ride for free at the BSNYC Gran Fondon't this weekend, and yesterday afternoon I headed out to "preview" the route:


The course is lovely, but I don't have much confidence in the ride leader.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you're better than everybody, and if you're wrong you'll see helme(n)ts.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and I'll see you back here on Tuesday, May 26th.



--Wildcat Rock Machine








(Race organizers generally spread sawdust out on the course after Cipollini comes through.)

1) Giro d'Italia maglia rosa Alberto Contador was injured in a crash caused by:

--An overenthusiastic fixie rider
--An amateur photographer with a long zoom lens
--A triathlete
--A grease slick left by the preternaturally unctuous Mario Cipollini






(Ask your soigneur for smooth, crisp, refreshing AmgenⓇ brand Erythropoietin.  Because if it ain't AmgenⓇ it ain't EPO.)

2) Tour of California organizers have relocated the time trial due to:

--Snow
--Rain
--Drought
--Tech company employee luxury coaches






3) Which is not one of the ways you're completely destroying your bike according to the alarmists at Bicycling?

--Failing to wash it, which will result in sugar from your energy drinks eating away at your bottom bracket
--Using too much chain lube, because lube is the silent killer
--Not changing your handlebar tape, which will cause your bars to disintegrate
--Riding the bicycle, which will cause excessive wear and tear






4) Not to be outdone, Lennard Zinn says flatulence can cause your saddle to deteriorate.

--True
--False






5) In addition to National Bike Month, May is also:

--National Electrical Safety Month
--National Golf Month
--National Masturbation Month
--All of the above





6) Who'd-a thunk it?  Time still exists--though they're really scraping the bottom of the barrel for contributors.

--True
--False





7) New York City's next batch of Citi Bikes will be designed by:

--Ben Serotta
--Dario Pegoretti
--David Byrne
--Paul Budnitz



***Special "When Scooterists Attack!"-Themed Bonus Video***

309 comments:

1 – 200 of 309   Newer›   Newest»
Ted K. said...

14. Feminists are desperately anxious to prove that women are as strong and as capable as men. Clearly they are nagged by a fear that women may NOT be as strong and as capable as men.

Anonymous said...

PODI-YO

JB said...

Hiatus podium :(

Anonymous said...

Podiating?

bad boy of the north said...

aced the quiz....woo hoo.first ten.okay,let's pray that snob's sunday parade has good weather.
robosushi.

Buffalo Bill said...

Enjoy the fondon't snob, hope it goes well. I'll be riding in the rockies this weekend, hoping it doesn't snow

JB said...

"and the bikes even come with bottles filled with Skratch labs."

I don't know what this means.


"Either that, or he's simply a prostitute, which would explain why these guys can't wait to ditch their wives."

Brilliant.


My main disappointment with the hiatus is that we are not going to get our Gran Fondon't post next week. Keep us wanting more, I guess... Have a good brake [sic]!

P. Bateman said...

Snob, will you also curate one of those epic slow-mo addled "films" to document the Fondont.

i know it will be EPIC, but it will be a lot more EPIC when you slowmo everything and set it to some lame horrible hippie caterwauling.

i need something good to watch for national masturbation month.

thanks in advance!

P. Bateman said...

oh, and top tin! seriously, i've got roofing material that will knock your socks off.

Spokey said...

up at the crack of dawn and can only get to 10

grog said...

Top Eleven !
You got to be kitten me.
#poopycat
RIDE NICE

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Commentador baybay !!

vsk

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...


I found one of Snob's soon to be worst nightmares when it becomes "popular" (I.e. Walmart will probably get it one day!).

www.lily.camera

You know you want it! hahaha

vsk

Anonymous said...

Rapha!

Clueless said...

So how is "Rapha" pronounced?

Rap-ha? Raf-a? Raf-aa? Ra-fa?

Freddy Murcks said...

How dare you go away, Wildrock Cat Machine. What are we going to do with ourselves? On the bright side, however, work productivity is likely to skyrocket among bike nerds.

P. Bateman said...

@vsk - i am terrified of a future where people start walking around with their own personal robot paparazzi. i wonder what portion of the world's stored data is of useless selfies and "EPIC" gopro hailmutt sports videos.

dop said...

rapha isn't pronounced it's, 'the bicycling clothing company that must not be named'

PotbellyJoe said...

When I worked in SoHo we had a CEO (based in Australia) who flew to NY with his prized bicycle. Some Parlee overbuilt crazy thing.

I feel like he would be the kind of a-hole who would pay this guy to take him where to ride.

There were plenty of guys who rode in the office, but after riding with Andy once, I would have paid for this domestique service to ride with him instead.

Clearly, as I'm here, I love to ride, and I will pretty much ride with anyone.

Riding with a guy on a $16,000 (thanks to import fees) bike who is also the CEO of your company is not ideal. He brags about the bike the entire ride, and is a great rider, but you can't rib him at all without fear of reprisal in the office and that's just not cool.

Took it all WAAAAY to seriously.

wishiwasmerckx said...

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

BamaPhred said...

Aced the quiz, believe it or not.
Loved the curating of the bicycle tour guide, with Lone Wolf and the douch@nozzle.com for Bicycling Mag, Brilliant!
I really couldn't tell much about the Scooterist Attacks video.
Did the knocked down cyclist throw the scooter keys into the woods?
Enjoy your week doing something else.
Silly Robot Killer, it's too early for burritos

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

P.Bateman, yes, true all around. This thing looks substantial too. I don't think you could (responsibly) use it in an urban area as I don't think it has any collision avoidance stuff built in. Not that that wouldn't stop anyone. Plus the Central Park muggers would getcha!

vsk

BamaPhred said...

All that said about Lily Camera, I would play with the damn thing if I had it, but I would never go out and actually buy one. Conflicted? Yes. It's not a problem.

JLRB said...

To Fred, or not to Fred

Snob - Is it a sign that the FDon't ride you curated will be so aritsanly epic it will take a whole week of IV Skratch Labs Epo/Cipo mix before you can post again?

McFly said...

Farts are hilarious until some of that Liquigas sneaks up on you.

benDE said...

Thank you SNOB - you were right. That duschebag from Denmark is indeed a duschebag.

Hey, at least you got one thing right so far this year. You got 7 months to go though . . .

crosspalms said...

That was just the right amount of helments, thanks!

And I guess if I were about to lead a bike ride for a bunch of strangers I met on the Internet I'd need a week off too. Make sure you put a tip jar in your bottle cage.

Bryan said...

Well FINE! Leave us to fend for ourselves for a week. Might not be here when you get back.

Just kidding. Enjoy your time away from us. Are you taking your 18 kids to China to start curating more hats? (hurry for sweatshop and child labor jokes).

Who takes a scooter on a MUP. THe guy filming should have kicked it over on his way past it.

Fat Bastard said...

Liquigas? I'm glad you asked.

dop said...

Nice pic of the OCA near Archville.

Grump said...

Boy oh boy, you take more vacations than Johnny Carson did.

I guess that's what happens when you move from Semi-Pro to true Professional.

Anonymous said...

Travis Douchette Music

Point of Fact said...

"Are you taking your 18 kids to China to start curating more hats?"

All Walz cycling caps handmade in the United States

let's Try That Again said...

"Are you taking your 18 kids to China to start curating more hats?"

All Walz are cycling caps handmade in the United States.

Clearly Not A Typist said...

All Walz cycling caps are handmade in the United States.

Anonymous said...

Either that, or he's simply a prostitute....

1983 David Byrne said...

HOLD TIGHT

we're in for nasty weather

Anonymous said...

Sure does look like scooter dumbass lost his keys... BALLS

Freddy Murcks said...

Regarding that stoopid Bikecycling article about all of the things that you are doing to destroy your bike: The dudes at my local shop actually told me to stop washing my bike. All washing does is carry the fine grit into the bearings and other moving parts. In contrast, a little dirt on your fame isn't going to hurt anything.

Anonymous said...

Yoda said ...

Handmade they are, in the USA, those Walz caps.


vsk said ...

Who Liquigassed?


"Love is like a fart,
if you have to force it,
it's probably shit."


vsk

Comment deleted said...

I'd have guessed that the new CitiBike was designed by John Deere.

JB said...

Keys to the scooter: Is that was got thrown when the camera-person first turns around? Awesome.

CommieCanuck said...


Anonymous McFly said...

Farts are hilarious until some of that Liquigas sneaks up on you.


Ya know, liquigas jokes never get old, ever.

Rear Admiral Freddrickson said...

Uma,

My downtube shifters require realignment. Please contact me at the soonest possible moment.

CommieCanuck said...

You guys ride your bikes? I just hang mine on the wall, sometimes on the roof of may car, to look legit.
Otherwise it will wear out. It's crabon, so that wear will be CATASTROPHIC. Maybe I should get a bigger bottom bracket.

Frederick Anonymouse said...

"Phillips uses a fleet of BMC bikes and provides helmets from Giro."

should read ...

"Phillips uses a fleet of BMC bikes and provides helments from Giro.

PotbellyJoe said...

@1:03 in the video, yep, he throws those keys far too.

Anonymous said...

I bet this incident is high in the guided bike tour guy's sales pitch: http://gothamist.com/2015/01/02/bono_fears_central_park_bike_accide.php

Zio Untuoso said...

A BSNYC blog post without a 'Cipo' reference is like the Unabomber without sunglasses, hoodie, 35,000 word manifesto and an exploding gift package addressed to expledee 'whoever or whomever.'

Anonymous said...

I've never really seen the issue with those scooters. You can go faster than them on a roadbike most of the time so speed isn't an issue. the guy on the bike in the video was keeping up with the scooter so it's not like he was driving the thing crazy fast and at least it doesn't pollute like a car.

My take on that video was the cyclist who fell off his bike was over wrong side of the path in a blind curve and the collision was his fault, not the scooter guy.

Is it possible to film a road rage video where you just want to hit everybody involved?

Frickus Rungus said...

Last night I had a dream:
I had taken a tarmac and a venge-smenge and super glued them together to make the ultimate tall bike.
FWIW - the tall-bike was vertically ascendant and laterally irrelevant.
Mike S was chasing me with a court summons.
Right before he caught me, the crabon exploded then I woke up...
What does it all mean?!?

bieks said...

So the NYC domestique supplies you with a Garmin 800? I presume that's in the event he gets taken out by an MTA bus or an NYPD cruiser, you can find your way back.

David Byrne said...

Ted K. - stop making sense.

Anonymous said...

"Is it possible to film a road rage video where you just want to hit everybody involved? "

Sorry anonymous, not to be a schill, but doesn't WCRM have a BOOK out that says that very fucking thing? The fact of the matter is that we ALL suck balls at walking, bicycling, and EVERYONE sucks ass at driving a motor vehicle. So when you get pissed at someone for walking/biking/scootering/motoring in a shitty manner, take a good hard look in a mirror...

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

A wise man I know once said: "Never trust a fart".

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Good luck and have fun with the Fdon't. Although I'm just slightly disheartened I won't be there to participate I'll be there in laid back spirit.

Anonymous said...

I've never really believed that chain lube is necessary.

Anonymous said...

Yes, even if it goes rusty !

cdinvb said...

Naw Grand Corn Grow, Culver Indiana.

Hoghopper said...

Bike boy heaved those llaves over the creek. GOAT

Glowing Balls said...

"Hiatus" Is that a condition caused by the interaction of the scrotus with a leather saddle?

Una Not So Tough said...

Dear Mr. Ted K - I'd wager Babble, Road Queen or Frilly Chick could lay you out with one punch.

babble on said...

OMG! I want to take people on bike tours through Vancouver!! Maybe it would be best to start with a Fondon't...

anon@2:37 Motorcycles can go faster than scooters, too, and I am not interested in sharing the bike lane with them, either. Scooters take up more than their fair share of room. And because they travel faster than most cyclists, they cause more than their fair share of issues, too.

Mr Byrne - I don't need to prove that I am as capable as a man. THAT is self evident. And precicely how does strength matter? I am weaker than some, and stronger than some, though it doesn't even begin to make a material difference. As a feminist, I am simply tired of getting the short end of the salary stick just becauase I sport a pink canoe and have the innate ability to bear babes.

babble on said...

Una No So - thank you. I figured if I ignored that one, it might just go away. After all, that's the best way to handle a troll, or so they say...

Anonymous said...

I liked your Blandings reference in the Amgen ques.
--seattle

dop said...

The Lawyer for the crow:
Did he plea his cause, or caw his pleas?

Frilly Chick said...

Unctuous.

Doesn't change a thing for me. xxoo.

Ted K. said...

" I'd wager Babble, Road Queen or Frilly Chick could lay you out with one punch."

1. No one said woman are not as strong and capable as men. Paragraph 14 states "Feminists are desperately anxious to prove that women are as strong and as capable as men. Clearly they are nagged by a fear that women may NOT be as strong and as capable as men."

B. You will wager young and fit women can beat up a 72 year old man? Not a particularly sporting wager.

ken e. said...

appropros to nothing really, perhaps stormy weather at home, perhaps a counter to ted k.

uxorious. doesn't change a thing for me.

Not the unabomber said...

Way to legitimize the unabomber everyone.

Anonymous said...

Ted K. only killed <1 person a year for 17 years. I have friends who have killed more! Gotta bomb something....

leroy said...

There was wall to wall traffic crawling at 2 mph down Second Avenue this morning due to a protest in the mid '40s and some guy in Toyota starts wildly yelling at me to get in the bike lane because I'm in his way.

Well of course I politely

(a) explained that a sharrow on the other side of a one way street is not a bike lane to which I am confined,

(b) inquired as to whether he really had my best interests at heart,

(c) suggested he had carnal knowledge of his mother, or

(d) all of the above.

Ride safe all!

(Be especially careful if you are asked to protect the maillot jaundice in Sunday's Gran Fondon't from wind, tears in the time space continuum, and hung over dogs belatedly crashing the ride.)

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Wow, 250 bucks for three laps around the park!

I wonder if he has a 'douchbag' surcharge for clients who won't shut the fuck up, or can't ride well enough to finish the ride they hired him out to lead, or if they break one of his loaners.

Not a bad gig. I have to give him credit.

Anonymous said...

Is that a compliment? We just legitimized the Unabomber? We're THAT AWESOME with our legitimizing power?

Dooth said...

I rode the Putnam trail to Elmsford wearing the original Walz BSNYC cycling cap. A young lady cyclist smiled at me, as if she knew me. I chalked it up as a BSNYC brand recognition...or did she think I was Wildcat?

leroy said...

Just looked at The Domestiques' website.

Heck, I ride all of those routes(except Central Park, too crowded). So do hundreds of others.

Part of the enjoyment is falling in with different folks.

I'd invite visitors to ride those routes with me for free, but my dog suggested that would be over-charging.

paulb said...

I am an envious person who would have been an early signer-upper except I work Saturdays, but through gritted teeth wish everyone a great time on the Gran Fondon't. I know the OCA and am eager to learn the other unpaved sections of the route, if WCRM doesn't require some kind of NDA, which I would absolutely require if I was leading that ride.

Bret said...

I already finished the Gran Fondon't.

wishiwasmerckx said...

All this talk is making me hungry. I think I'll have fondue for dinner.

D Draper said...

Guess Babs needs a boss with a longer stick.

Not a New Yorker said...

That is not the reason why you get the short end of the salary stick. You get the short end because you are not as smart as you think you are.

Anonymous said...

every month is masturbation month.

RoadQueen said...

O_O WOW. What a dick/cunt. Just pointing out the obvious, no super smartness going on here.

RoadQueen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
David Pearce said...

No! No! No! No! No! I will not fucking think about that!!

What do I have to turn into? My own personal version of The New Yorker's "Cursing Mommy"??

Just because you have a kid, or maybe multiple children, which means you have a cock that actually operates, DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN LEAVE THIS BLOG ANY TIME YOU WANT!!

And I'd also like to know why you haven't taken that box of capacitors out of the dining room like I've asked you to about ten times?!

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Dave said...

A little ditty to hum to yourself as you pursue your fondling activities this weekend -

My bonnie lies over the ocean
My bonnie lies over the sea
I'd like to steal all the world's car keys
And toss them into the Tappan Zee.

OK, so the meter breaks down. Don't forget your spare tube and tiny tool kit, riders!

tiny tool kit... full of tiny tools...

Must get sleep...

Dooth said...

Have a fun Fondon't you lucky cork suckers!
Wildcat, please schedule a weekday morning Fondon't.

I Dram of Babble with the Long Blond Hair said...

BABBLE: "OMG! I want to take people on bike tours through Vancouver!! Maybe it would be best to start with a Fondon't..."

Be sure Wreck Beach is one of the stop. Maybe a long rest stop.

DB said...

Bret, 7:03, COD.

Freddy 'Pencil Dick' Crabon said...

Uma,

Today is Gran FonSplooge day! See you this afternoon.

Texas John Slaughter said...

To the scooter guy in the video. Picking on a metrosexual manboy is easy. Try me next time. I will permanently store your scooter up your scooter.

BamaPhred said...

Dear Shuaiba Ahammed

"Of course a well designed bike jersey gives you a stylish look and it reflects you lickings."

What, you can put Pilgrim Shoes Jenny on a jersey?

Best of luck

Lick this....

Freddy 'Pencil Dick' Crabon said...

Uma,

Typo. Make that Gran FonFacialSplooge Day. See you this afternoon.

Spokey said...

had a good one today.

on a local road but it is 4 lanes with a dividing median. so the driver could have just moved over and passed.

but by the time we were done (yes I foolishly stopped), i was an asshole, fat, faggot, etc. plus was threatened with having my head ripped off and finally threatened with being run over. admittedly, i did use the term idiot after i suggested he download the manuals from the state website and read them and got another asshole response.

so much things being better in snobbie's hemorrhoids.

Spokey said...

but asshole that i am

Spokey said...

I still

Spokey said...

got

Spokey said...

the

Spokey said...

century

bad boy of the north said...

sorry ,spokey,about the encounter with a certain lower form of life ,existing in the realm of the four wheeled ilk.at least your head(either one)wasn't ripped off.

dop said...

Idiot? you were called all those things & you limited your response to idiot? I can understand being above the fray, and I've often said, "It doesn't matter if you win or lose, you demean yourself by playing the game". Still, all that, and all he got back from you is idiot? I think these larval forms (tenia perehaps) play upon our restraint and use it as a license to abuse us ad libitum. It doesn't hurt to let them know right up front that you won't hesitate to come right down to their level.

PS..congrats on the century & you didn't get shot or run into a deetch.

dop said...

was idiot.

babble on said...

Yes. Good thinking. Wreck beach is a great place to stop after a good hard sweat. We rode 140 km today, with some climbing thrown in for good measure, and a stop at Wreck is in order. A swim in the Pacific speeds recovery, cause it's so fucking cold. Or so they say. Um... my hair was white blonde as a child, but it's definitely brunette now.

And Not a New Yorker... LOL!! It smells like stale Chamois Juice in here all of a sudden. :D

babble on said...

Oh, and Road Queen? Sweetie pie? You're too kind. Dicks are a GOOD thing. And I am rather fond of my cunt, too. Kindness is a good thing, for sure, it's just that mysogeny isn't pretty, whereas a nice dick... well. That's happy making. xo

Spokey said...

@dop

thanks

imagine my surprise when i came here to whine about the incident that it was the preakness runup to the century.

yeah

but i've been trying to become a nicer person in the last couple decades. as a yute i might've come out swingin. i did consider if he came in swinging, my topeak mtn morph master blaster, whatever the hell it is would have been a fine thing to go straight in to his gut if i didn't feel too threatened and in to his face/eye if i did. It is an older one that slide/clips in, not the velcro kind, so it's quick to pull out.

my other thoughts included, i gots to get me a video for the bike. i didn't think to get the plate but them words be assault and threaten with a deadly weapon. i think i would have reported it. have to check if those rideye guys ever did anything. i liked the looks of that one.

my other thought was "does nj have elder abuse laws"? "am i old enough to qualify?"

i did say some other things, but i know you'll really laugh at me when i post them. when he first called me a faggot, i thought he had said fat to which i did respond "hey you're not exactly arnold schwarzenegger". he corrrected my mis-hearing and then i was a fat asshole as well. so perhaps that was my own fault for misunderstanding it.

@ bad boy of the north

actually it was ripped off. i have quickly learned to speak via judicious bursts of flatulence. obviously i have had to deetch all my flatulence-filtering shorts as my family can't understand a word i'm saying while wearing those.


dop said...

jersey drivers...

dop said...

Raining hard in Westchester...should be clear in themorning....OCA will be sloppy..I knew I should have changed the 25s for 28s


2 yutes?

BamaPhred said...

Yes Spokey, and yes dop, I have thought through this very situation a few years ago.

I don't think I have ever been threatened, have seen and heard my share of tossed objects and appalling statements, like all of us.

I have finally arrived at the point where if I can't deal with a fuckwit and they keep on pressing, I'm just dialing 911 on my very handy phone.

The trigger is when they stop the car to get out. I'll quiet dial 911 and when the dispatcher hears the abuse, and they can, they triangulate the phone signal and send the deputy, about as long as it takes me to type this. Our gals and guys are good.

If they get out, then out comes the bear spray and the hose down begins. Just like that.

I think someone who gets out of his car presents a very real and bonafide danger.

I really don't care what they holler out the window, just as long as they keep on moving.

Unless we are all senior citizens, then I'll just tell him to go fuck himself and ride off. Nobody wants to see old people fighting.

Sorry for the long post.



Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

dop, spoke, BPhred,
I am trying to behave myself. I tell myself, it's just a ride to work and I'll argue about work stuff at work.
But basically I get the road rage just hearin about stuff like this. (God knows I don't ride enough!!).

I keep mulling over what's the best thing to keep along. You never know who has a gun or something. (Not me because the law is made to punish the law abiding). I can't have a deadly weapon arrest. And besides, I wouldn't get any Snob ride approvals. I gotta get to sleep! I hope it dries out soon!
Good Luck!

vsk

BamaPhred said...

All, yeah, I just don't respond at all to abusers. 99% of the stuff shouted is by obnoxious teenagers anyway. I know I was one. I did have to laugh at the carload that shouted "nice ass".

I wish I was riding the OCA tomorrow. I'll have to find a pleasing alternative.

McFly said...

Did youz guyz catch Stage 7 of the Californy race? Sagan dug very very very deep.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

The great unknown when encountering a dipshitted driver is what he is carrying when he comes out of the car? A frame pump isn't really a good match for a tire iron. As cyclist, we nlw have to behave like Russian motorists, and keep a GoPro running throughout our ride.

Bama, I feel complimented when they say 'nice ass', but the day I got spanked by the guy in the passenger seat was a bit unnerving. Thankful it wasnt a baseball bat.

Spokey said...

@pathetic

he actually had gone around a corner and parked 20 - 30 feet down the road. so i could have seen any tire iron. i never got off the bike so could have taken off pretty quick (well as quick as a fat old asshole can). might be able to disappear before he got his car turned around to chase if he was so inclined.

i've been thinking of recording rides as well. this could get me to actually do it. i want audio & video fore & aft. funny thing is one of the things he said was he had a recording with his traffic cam. as i was confident that i was not riding in the middle of the road as he was saying (might have been a little out from hugging the curb as that road has no shoulder but does have storm drains at the edge of the road), i replied "go get it and we'll watch". he never claimed he had video again.

@BamaPhred

good idea. I always carry the cell phone. i will move a 911 shortcut to the home screen. Unfortunately I don't think my Galaxy S4 mini has a speed dial. Maybe I can practice voice.

@vsk

not on my way to work. but i was on my way to the drugstore to get this: get a refill for my blood pressure meds.

why is robot asking me to click pasta? it doesn't even look like spelt or at least whole wheat pasta.

BamaPhred said...

POC, you too? I made the fatal mistake of bending over at the red light when school was getting out and one of them tried to smack dat azz, but they whiffed, I just felt the draft. It startled me and took awhile to figure it out.. Lesson learned, pay attention to what is going on, not fiddling with bike.
No Snob, may as well bore everyone.

meltyman said...

hey spokey. Rare in NJ but there's always one. Here's what you might see: https://youtu.be/Kko2QHNN5ek Before you comment, two abreast is legal unless impeding traffic and they weren't impeding anyone here.

P. Sagan said...

Dat A$$!

When Bread Isn't Bread said...

Robot wants me to click on bread. First click is on a picture that is obviously a plain old loaf of Wonder bread, next click is on what is obviously a baguette and robot is of the opinion I'm wrong.

Spokey said...

meltyman

That's about how my road looks. 2 lanes each way, no shoulder. storm drains at the right side. only their road doesn't appear to have the holes like mine (triangle, hillsborough, nj)

I'm on that road a couple times a week. Agreed that it is rare to get honked at or yelled out. But it is also rare, almost non existent, that drivers actually move completely over to the left lane and pass.

I know about the impeding traffic bit but have wondered whether you are required to go single file in that case or not. I've tried to look that up. They have the actual law online but it is really hard to go through. The bicycle bits are scattered throughout legislation, searching it sucks and you can't bookmark. Haven't done this in a couple years now but that was still the state of things a couple years ago.

===============
select all the drinks? who is robot to say i can't drink a steak?

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

********** Fondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon'tFondon't **********

I'll give an early ride report because I woosied [italicize it!] out just before 1/2 way.

We met at the appointed place at 7:15am or so, rode through the western Bronx and Yonkers to the Old Croton Aqueduct trail. There was rain the night before. The packed dirt and fine gravel were a bit unnerving at times (form me anyway because I am not used to it). Guys were riding road bikes, Cycle A Cross Bikes, I used a PX-50 Peugeot randonneuse with 650b x 42 Hetre tires (nothing factory on it but still a tank none the less). There was a gentleman with a Raleigh Sports with a 3 speed newer Sturmey Archer. There must have been a motor in there because he was as fast as anyone.
The pace was nice and civil as advertised. My weight messed me up on the climbs and going over some rutty tree root and rocky stuff. There was a tiny stretch of loose gravel at which point there were callouts for a gravel bike!

We had a break at Tarrytown for a quick bite. Then back to the O.C.A. for more fun. The people we came across were pleasant and the cars let us by when we had to cross.

A bit before the Croton Dam or the reservoir this fellow Larry and I got a bit behind. At that point we got directions from a cool Fat Bike guy and we all parted ways. I wonder if he made it back to the group.
I took the train from Scarborough, NY back to Marble Hill.
I had a great time. Usually just a solitary Category 6 commuter, it was nice to have some company for a while. Also points out where I need work ... any kind of positive elevation change!!

Thanks for putting the ride together Mr. Snob.

Good luck!

vsk

PotbellyJoe said...

Win a Bianchi commuter pack from Timbuk2

I'm not one for spamming places, but figured this was worth entering.

Good luck.

babble on said...

Wooo Hooo HoooooT!! So every Sunday, rain or shine there's a race through Richmond. There are a lot of very fast guys who come to ride it regularly, and even more of em in the summer. I figured I'd get dropped half way through after yesterday's efforts, but at the end of the day, I won the QOM for the final sprint, and the cup for the second fastest time ever recorded amongst the women's competitors. It was a fast day today, and my best ride to date. What. A buzz.

I love this sport. :)

babble on said...

Ps. Thanks for the ride report, vsk. Good for you for giving it a go. A lot of us here are wishing we could have joined you, so even a taste of the vicarious experience is a nice treat.

babble on said...

Bear spray! Now there's an idea. Nobody has ever reached out to smack dis ass, at least not yet... knock on wood. I would probably fall over with surprise.

bad boy of the north said...

snobbie...thanks for the fondon't.it was a fun ride.even though it kicked my ass...many thanks...enjoy the time off.'til the next one....

Jlrb said...

I hope somone on the Fdont popped a wheelie and grabbed some ass at the podio

JLRB said...

Babs @ 5:28 - many moons ago someone reached out
And smacked my big ass as they drove by - it stung but it also pushed me along -
Startled me more than anything -'I imagine it felt none too good
On their hand

dop said...

Hey vsk..

How did that picture I took come out?

Anonymous said...

You wouldn't fall over if you had the presence of mind to already be on your knee's.

dop said...

Fondon't-

Peer pressure: Yes, let's start the ride by crossing a wet steel deck bridge...are we really not going to dismount & take the sidewalk?

Strava: That hill where I got dropped was actually my PR.

bad boy of the north said...

after catching up in hastings and then losing the main group again,four of us formed a splinter group and trudged on.on the return,i went my separate way home and other three fine gentlemen went on their way to parts unknown.
sure missed the post ride beer,though.robosoup

Anonymous said...

Would you rather be bored or sad?

dop said...

BSNYC's route alternated between the oca & streets & seemed to avoid the more rutted/rock -infested surfaces. (great route planning, thank you)...all of which made it amazing that the splinter group intercepted us before we left the streets for the trail

and I wasn't the only strava junkie out there...

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Hey dop / bad boy of the north,

I didn't know who's who. I was soliciting here and there to see if there were any regular (irregular?) commenters on the ride.
dop, the picture was good, except I take up too much frame space! hahaha
I didn't think the bridge was too hair raising at all. I had 650b X42 tyres though. My first experience with that was on a Kawasaki KZ-1000 in the late 80s with this girl I was seeing. We went to Rockaway over the Marine Parkway/Gil Hodges Bridge. Really freaky sensation. I went for the little cement filled sections too.

I was wondering if Larry caught up. He had the red TwinSix jersey on.
I was very happy with the route too. A little Fondon't/a little L'Erotica. I was apprehensive at some sections where the path restarted from the street. One section had a small steep descent after a curb that I walked down. I didn't want to chance tasting the clay soil.
The guy doing this on the Raleigh Sports amazed me!

vsk

DB said...

When I read this am about nine killed in bike club clash, I immediately thought of the Fondo vs the Fondont.
Was relieved to find out it was motorcyclists.

bad boy of the north said...

vsk/dop
yeah,i was trying to do the same thing...seeing whom was whom.i was the one without the helment and I survived.sorta.robopasta

babble on said...

Oh maaan! I am green jelly all over, wishing I had been there. Sounds like snobberdooder's in pretty good form, given all of those years spent eating froot loops and blogulating. You'd have recognised me easily enough, and I'd have made sure that we attached faces to handles. Not sure how, except I'd have asked straight out. And even though I have the memory of a goldfish I prolly wouldn't have subjected you to nametags. Prolly. I'm kind that way.

So... I finally did a little blogulating of my own this weekend, because there was a rash of news that came out which I had to share with you. Like, for example, somebody did some checking in on the stats and discovered what all of us here already knew, that drivers are at fault in 93% of collisions with cyclists. Duh.


BamaPhred said...

So please tell me there was at least one incident of minor juvenile misbehavior, even if everyone was a middle aged or older spandex warrior. A "Kilroy", laying down a highly visible phat skidmark, jumping in the Croton Reservoir, anything.
What is it with all the robo images anyway?

dop said...

Only childishness was me...yelling, "fore" on the Putnam trail, when a duffer on the van corlandt golf course was at the top of his backswing...ok and a breakaway for the city line coming into the Bronx...not a good place for a townline sprint...the pavement ends & there are stones in the path to mak the start of the dirt trail..

ps all hail the queen...ms qom of the north

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

BamaPhred,
All 47% of the ride I was on was courteous and businesslike. The people on the trail were nice, the driver interactions were fine.
I didn't make it to the dam / reservoir though. I should have turned my tail lights on as I really was the Lanterne Rouge most of the way!


vsk

babble on said...

Thanks! It was a total shocker, but in the best possible way... :D

bad boy the north said...

ms.babble,great posting.we could've used your presence on the fondon't.perhaps next time.robo says cake

DB said...

Thanks for the ride updates. Sounds like it was fun.
Hopefully, you bought Snob's lunch and beer for arraigning the ride.

babble on said...

Mmmm cake. And thank you. :)
Yes. Next time for sure.

1983 David Byrne regarding road rage said...

That's right

Don't want to hurt nobody

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the ride reports.

The Tour of California is over, but not before this happened:

Guillaume Boivin (Optum-Kelly Benefit) of Canada crashed out of the final stage before it started. Approaching the start from the back of the pack, Boivin fell into the starting barriers after his handlebars malfunctioned.

I've experience stem malfunction (if you are riding with a Spectre steel stem, remove it now). I wonder what "handlebar malfunction" looks like.

Anonymous said...

The handle bar broke in half at about the center point. Very European method of guaranteeing that Boivin did not win stage.

THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS, etc., etc.

Fred Douche'inton Director Doping Solutions Team L-DOPA said...

So BSNYC. When is the Gran FonDon't? Team L-DOPA is chomping at the bit in anticipation of a HIGH TIME!

Frederick 'Crabon' Sub-sub editor Buycycling Magazine said...

Anan @ 1:14 PM

The handle bars separated at the start of the stage and rider crashed into barrier. Looks like the old Three Stooges 'Sabotoogie' to this fan.

David Olson said...

vsk,

We happened upon Larry (Leroy, sans chien) completely by accident on the North County Trail, as my wife and I were doing our own version of the Don't. In exchange for directions, he pulled my under-trained self back to Brooklyn.
Thanks Leroy!

Peter 'Look t Dat A$$' Sagan said...

Podium Girl derriere palping is legal in KalEeFourKneeUh*? Correct?

*Arnoldt pronunciation

Anonymous said...

David O,

Good to hear!
It's a small bikey world out there!

vsk

Anonymous said...

This site is closed for a week - nothing to see - scram

don draper said...

The scene: a few ad men, with little yogurt containers before them...trying to describe the flavors...

Ad man A: We should call it clitoris flavored"

Ad man B: Why?

Ad man A: Because no one knows what it taste like!

BamaPhred said...

Perhaps in Snob's absence the question of Weird AL Yankovic and his relevance to 21st century pop culture can be pondered.

Or maybe the possibility of a Lime Green/Gold Lame cycling kit of the 2016 GFNY.

Whadda mean there's nothing to see here

martina navratilova said...

In my prime, I could have licked any woman on the court.

Anonymous said...

Podiooooooo

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

158th !

vsk

DB said...

Did Snob say anything about a vasectomy during the Fondon't?
Just sayin'.

Cipo International LLC said...

'Cipo' the movie. An Italian motion picture group has mounted a proprietary 'penis-cam' on the Cipo and allowed it to run for 30 days.

Here is a review ...

"The best part of the video is when Cipo is field testing the women who wish to join his all woman race team. Deeply moving and deeply disturbing at the same time.

Obi Wan Douche'obi said...

May the 'lob' be with you.

dop said...

Most Bikeable Cities

We're #12!!!

crosspalms said...

Thanks for the various reports on the Fondon't, I've enjoyed them. Sounds like you all had a good time.

Flatted Friday (piece of metal), again yesterday (piece of glass) and scored the hat trick this morning in my own basement: A good way to tell whether you've properly seated a tire after fixing a flat is to pump it up without watching it. BAM! At least I'm getting lots of practice...

JLRB said...

cyclist shot dead in < a href = "http://denver.cbslocal.com/2015/05/19/friends-of-cyclist-who-was-gunned-down-say-theyre-scared> Colorawdeal </a

Let me try that again said...

cyclist shot dead in Colorawdeal

Dr said...

VACATION ALERT

Mr Snob, Respectfully I will not be around to read the post you are not posting this week as i too have better things to do. I may be back next week or not. When I had my vasectomy I took a pain pill, a beer and put a bag of frozen peas on the gonadal region. As the peas thaw, you have lunch. I was back to work in no time.

dop said...

He said hiatus. BSNY should avoid heavy lifting, lest he develop a hiatal hernia.

McFly said...

What's this business about attaching faces to handles?


Sounds delightful.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Spokey said...


crosspalms

i always pump to maybe 20 or so merican pressure. then i thumb and finger kind of pinch around the tyre to make sure it's seated. also usually roll/bounce it a little. finally deflate and reinflate.

otoh

working on my own hat trick. got number 2 this pm with a get on the sidewalk shout-out. do i get extra points for getting this on a road with a marked bike lane? or lose points as they were pretty young looking and it it was probably about 20 minutes after the high school let out?

crosspalms said...

Spokey,
I actually thought I had reseated it yesterday when I changed it. Rode home on it and it was OK but a little soft. So this morning I grabbed the pump. Apparently a job as complicated as inflating a tire is something I shouldn't tackle without more caffeine. And brainpower. At least my hearing came back pretty fast.

Definitely points for "get on the sidewalk." But I think it's triple points for "find a fucking bike lane and get in it."

BABBLE IS SMOKIN FAST said...

Congrats to Ms. Babble. Hope she filled that cup with something when she got it home.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Sure as shit is taking a long time to reach the 200th comment sprint and the second page podium.

Are people really struggling to identify photos of soup?

Anonymous said...

Where is that scooter rage video taken? Having scooters like that on multi-use trails is worse than having "Freds" using multi use trails. The Boise trails have a 20 mph speed limit and prohibits motorized vehicles of any sort (except for the league of ancient and/or fat volunteer patrol and maintenance workers). Of course this is gumming up the potential sales of electric bikes in Boise.

Maybe Next Year said...

My apologies for being a no show at the Grandfondont. The GF made me a better offer. When she gets down on her knees and makes a "come" gesture with her index finger what's a guy to do.

babble on said...

Thank you! Yes, I am always happy to celebrate. Race weight schmace weight. Trouble is, I want to spend a few days at Wreck beach this year, but I don't like the look of that winter tire round my middle... and yuppers, I am pretty quick sometimes on a flat course, or better yet, a downhill stretch, but climbing? Oh help. It's pathetic. I was going to enter the provincial championships this weekend, but there's a mountain in the middle of the road race, and so I'll be dropped off the back soon as the climb begins.

paulb said...

I'm not the guy who rode the GF on the Raleigh Sports, but I love my Raleigh Sports ('72, according to the stamp on the hub). Next year!

Anonymous said...

Miss you snobby. You're a national treasure like Letterman only funnier. You do brighten our day.

cycle

Spokey said...

ah go for it babs

you can't win 'em all and the challenge will be good for you. but pleeeeeeez don't crash. i'll feel so guilty.

Vlad said...

I vant to be take off the pedal parts on my bike. One come off so easy, other part not come off so easy. I turn hard the wrench harder and harder, too much harder because pedal part seem to get tighter, now it's broke. I hate my pedal bike, I go back to building rockets for our Motherland!

BamaPhred said...

Vlad, it's a capitalist plot to get you to buy more bikie parts. Now can I interest you in some fine Look pedals, or perhaps some Speedplays or Shimano? Perhaps I can discount them for you, it's our special of the day.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Yeah Babs, 11:12a , we've all seen your pictures with the tire around your middle. NOT GUILTY, next case please.

Speaking of spare tires, mine just got fed all the noodles in the pasta captcha.

1983 David Byrne regarding 200th comment said...

there
has
got
to
be
a
way


PS: micRo liP

Frickus Rungus said...

Trying some haiku to pass the time:

Snob on hiatus
Fondon't was already done
Comments continue

or

Riding my cycle
Over hills and through the woods
My scranus says ouch

Frickus Rungus said...

No craigslist critiques
Pista index is gone too
Now only silence

Frickus Rungus said...

I wear my foam hat
My melon in a bucket
It is all my fault

Frickus Rungus said...

Dark without snobby
hipster cysts go blink, blink, blink
can not find my way

Frickus Rungus said...

No blogger today
Comments flow like a fixie
Two hundred is near

dop said...

anybody got a deck of cards?

BamaPhred said...

Three days no post
All is darkness
Scranus zorched

leroy said...

I'm dictating my Gran Fondon't ride report to my dog, but he keeps interrupting to ask if dumb ass is hyphenated.

He must be multi-tasking.

Spokey said...

and it was too freakingly coldus to ride my bieksickening toosday. on the morrow looks worse

Old-timer said...

Those two unlucky wingsuit guys who “cashed it in” in Yosemite…100mph into the side of a mountain!?! Yikes! I guess such folks are called: “adrenaline junkies”? And I thought my urban “doughnut ride” was always rife with peril! Uh, so, maybe not so much? The wingsuit capers remind me of a Thoreau expression I very much like: “A living dog is better than a dead lion.” My personal interpretation: I’d RATHER BE a living dog than a dead lion! (A living dog with a doughnut, of course.)

Is it next Tuesday yet?

Evan Dumang said...

hhehhehe..good blog...

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Bashō said...

Not about the bike
But about riding the bike
Like that Queen song said

It’s about the blog
Not the comments there under
But I’m digging the haikus

Bashō said...

Lou Reed said it best
A Snob addict has to learn
We all have to wait

Bashō said...

Ernest Hemingway
Said it’s on a bicycle
You learn the land’s lay

Bashō said...

Our bike industry
Selling what is not needed
Bikes can’t be improved

Bashō said...

Captcha shows noodles
Over and over again
Hunger increases

Bashō said...

200th comment
Means nothing to a master
Who lives for Haiku

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