Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Wild In The Streets: Guns, Locks and Steel

Further to yesterday's post about my rusty bike, I had a brief correspondence with someone who seems to know about metal and chemistry and stuff, and the upshot is that my frame should have been "passivated" but wasn't--which is apparently why it looks like I had a bout of mid-ride diarrhea and never cleaned it.  (Hey, I hear triathletes do it all the time.)

Furthermore, according to the KVA site, my bike may be "contaminated," in which case it may need to be "pickled."

If corrosion staining is removed but returns rapidly (within a few days or weeks), it is likely that the surface has been contaminated with heavily embedded carbon steel or iron. These generally have to be removed by grinding and refinishing and/or by pickling. If welds have not been properly cleaned and heat tint was left on the surface, the welds will need to be ground and/or pickled to restore corrosion resistance. Information on restoring the corrosion resistance of a weld can be obtained from welding product suppliers or here: www.euro-inox.org

A pickled stainless steel bike?

Now that's artisanal.

And there I was thinking crabon was fussy.

But, you know, it "strikes like a Tai Chi master," so hopefully that doesn't refer to the moment when the frame falls apart as I approach Fred "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" speed:


What's with that fancy board, anyway?  Whatever happened to using wood?

What a total Tai Chi Fred.

I'd like to see him break a board that's been properly passivated.

In other news, Geoff the Reader tells me that Arnold Schwarzenegger was recently in Melbourne, where he rode around in flagrant violation of their draconian Helme(n)t Law(n)s--first on a bike share bike:


(Schwarzenegger is the fifth person to use the Melbourne Bike Share since it debuted in 2010.)

And then on a Specialized that may or may not have been pickled:


(Awww, look at the good little Melbournians with their poorly-fitted helments they might as well not be wearing anyway.)

I have difficulty believing that in 2015 children still know who Arnold Schwarzenegger is.  "Kindergarten Cop" came out twenty-five years ago for chrissakes!  If pop culture is that behind in Australia, I'd hate to be around when these poor kids find out Jim Varney died:


(A real standout in the "adult imbeciles going back to school" film canon.)

Anyway, it wasn't long before a helmentless Schwarzenegger felt the long arm of the law tapping him on his preternaturally muscular shoulder:


The Terminator and Predator star was wearing bike-matching blue shorts, but not a bicycle helmet.

It it compulsory to wear one in Victoria and failure to do so can result in a $146 fine.

This would seem to imply that both helments and matching your shorts to your bike are compulsory in Victoria, in which case I'm lucky I didn't land in jail while I was there--especially because I don't have Schwarzenegger's easy charm:

Senior Constable Gillson decided not to fine the action star, instead directing him to the nearest 7-Eleven to buy a helmet for $5.

"He was very likeable and very approachable," Senior Constable Gillson said.

"He stated that his father was a policeman, so there was very much mutual respect there.

Wow, really?  Did Schwarzenegger also happen to mention that, in addition to being a police officer, his father was a Nazi?

According to documents obtained in 2003 from the Austrian State Archives by the Los Angeles Times, which was after the expiration of a 30-year seal of his records under Austrian privacy law, Gustav Schwarzenegger voluntarily applied to join the Nazi Party on 1 March 1938, two weeks before the country was annexed. Austria became part of the German Reich through the Anschluss on 12 March 1938.[3] A separate record obtained by the Wiesenthal Center indicates he sought membership before the annexation but was only accepted in January, 1941. 

If I ever go back to Melbourne and they bust me for not wearing a helment I'm telling the cop all about my grandfather, commandant Röckmanstein, at which point I assume he'll tear up the ticket and buy me a Foster's.

[By the way, this is not an example of Godwin's Law.  Schwarzenegger's father was simply a Nazi, it's not like I'm making an analogy to further an argument.  If anything it's more like Six Degrees of Nazi Separation.]

Meanwhile, in Florida:


After speaking with a witness and reviewing security video from a nearby business, detectives determined Smith was riding his bike when a handgun in his jacket pocket discharged.

I wasn't even remotely surprised that someone carrying a firearm managed to accidentally shoot himself with it, but I was stunned that an American newspaper article about a dead cyclist didn't mention whether or not he had been wearing a helment.

Isn't that in the AP Stylebook?

Of course here in New York we have much stricter gun laws, which is why cyclists use bike locks instead:


Now I in no way condone striking anybody with a bike lock, but something's a little fishy about this story.  For example:

The cyclist cut off a Subaru at the corner of West 24th Street and Fifth Avenue about 5:40 p.m. on Monday, sparking a heated argument, police said.

The dispute turned violent when the cyclists slammed his bike into the car and smacked the 54-year-old driver in the face with his bike lock, police said.

The cyclist slammed his bike into the car, really?  Or did the driver hit the cyclist and then tell the police it was the other way around?  Because that's exactly what a driver did when she hit me from behind with her car some years back.

That's the beauty of driving a car.  You can tell the police anything you want.  Anything.

Also, this:

The victim was taken to Staten Island University North Hospital, where he had to get stitches, according to police.

So the driver, presumably bleeding from the face and in need of urgent care, "was taken" (like in an ambulance?) from Manhattan to a hospital...on Staten Island?  At 5:40pm on a Monday?!?  Is Beth Israel really that bad?  Because if you're unfamiliar with New York City geography and traffic, Staten Island at rush hour might as well be on the other side of the earth:


(Ignore the G**gle Maps travel time estimates, they're bullshit, this trip could take days.)

I'd take a u-lock to the face multiple times before attempting the BQE at that hour.

He's lucky he didn't bleed to death stuck in traffic on the Gowanus.

But as bad as road rage is, at least it's an emotion, and it's downright endearing compared to an utter lack of humanity:



Taron Stead, 17, who had just bought his new mountain bike after taking on an IT apprenticeship, was hit during the morning traffic on Crookes Valley Road, Sheffield, last Friday and left covered in blood and bruises.

The male driver of the silver car stopped and a woman got out of the passenger seat, according to Stead's mother Naomi Pickard. She proceeded to tell him that her kids were upset, and that they were late for school, and then drove off without giving her details, the Sheffield Star reported, publishing a picture of Stead's injuries.

And that's how you raise your children to be psychopaths.

Penultimately, I recently received an email from the inventor of this device:



It certainly seems nifty enough, but I'm not sure I'd sell it as a "pain free pump head:"

If your pump head is causing you pain then you're putting it in the wrong place--unless they're marketing it to Indian surgeons:


An Indian state has halted mass sterilisations at health camps after a doctor was found using a bicycle pump to inflate women's abdomens.

Ah, India--always doing right by women.

Lastly, I was looking up dirty words in the dictionary when I found this on the Merriam-Webster website:


If "fat bike" makes it into the dictionary before "scranus" then I'm giving up English and switching this blog to Aramaic.

99 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ti co2 chucks, custom Silica pumps, now this 'pain-free' pump head? The marketing guys are spouting more hot air than usual these days.

Johnny La Rue said...

Po-po podio yo!

BamaPhred said...

2nd loser podiodiodio

Anonymous said...

Insomnia?

geoff_tewierik said...

Top five and a mention in the blog, kudos Snob.

Andy said...

Top ten!

St. Patrick said...

You know in Ireland people go to church today.

Anonymous said...

Top ten! Also, quick shout out to both of the blogs that help me make it through the monotony of my work days; after spending half your money on new Snob gear, please head over to A.H.T.B.M. and help out Stevil by using the other half of your earth monies to buy some sweet swag. Medical bills are fucking ridiculous and beer money is gonna be needed to help mend his twisted leg.

Gaffer Smythe said...

@St. Patrick. Not true. Today, as in Canada's scranus, is a "drinking holiday". There are more arrests for public intoxication in Ireland today than any other day of the year. Visit and see for yourself.

bad boy of the north said...

wow....happy saint Patrick's day,all.a wee bit early,are we?

P. Bateman said...

early....turd. bunch of speed demons! you sonsabitch's need to slow down.

dop said...

top o the scranus to ya

NHcycler said...

WCRM's early Green Eggs and Ham breakfast must have given him extra energy today!

P. Bateman said...

PumpProHead - that should go in the urban dictionary.

"4 frustrated cyclist that happen to be engineers"

after being forced to become friendly with a pack of engineers, i can attest that the engineering mind is definitely set up to "improve" every god damn tiny mundane thing that it can get its grubby little hands on. "this light switch is so analog! could be 35% better if we just....hook it to a smart phone and blah blah blah...."

it really is fascinating to watch. and by fascinating i mean annoying and tiresome. but, the one is a hot blonde so i endure it.

also, swschartziynnegger is awesome. he really is.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Titanium, BikeSnob. Quit wasting your time with the other sub par frame materials. Pickling not required.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Recumbent Conspiracy Theorist,

I was quite impressed with the Moots I borrowed in Steamboat...

--Wildcat Etc.

PotbellyJoe said...

I steeled a pickle once.

dnk said...

Dangit, Snob, you're always sneaking in learnin and erudition to your posts. I did not know about Godwin's Law, had to look it up.

This blog is like the Colonel Klink of bike blogs.

There, I did it.

Anonymous said...

Hey BSNYC:
When you mentioned guns, I thought you were going to talk about the two triathletes that were shot during the bike leg at Ironman San Juan this weekend. Crazy!!!

Sargent Shultz said...

I see nothing, I hear nothing, I didn't even get up this morning.

JLRB said...

Anon @ 9:57 - you mean this story?

Sad, but the comic relief come in this line:

"Upon hearing the shots, a third athlete from New Hampshire crashed his bike into an anthill and suffered multiple bites..."

ps - So glad we decided not to go to PR for Spring Break!

JLRB said...

Speaking of learning things from this blog - I didn't know Australian police pull you up, where as here we get pulled over. They must be pretty strong to pull up Arnold.

Anonymous said...

I wonder when "Fat Bike" will be available as an emotion on the F#ceb0@k.

JLRB said...

As my mind wandered during the morning commute I was (sadly) thinking about yesterday's post about wiping and decided to translate it:

"If I wiped my ass after every shit and was otherwise fastidious about it, I wouldn't have these massive dingle-berries and lovely patina in my Walter White's, but that's not how I operate. When my scranus gets really cruddy I spray it down, and every year or so I scrub it with a wire brush, but I'm not the type to pamper my ass with toilet paper after every crap. I don't have that kind of time ..."

Your welcome

Mike Godwin('s law) said...

"We have found our Hitler! - Springtime for Hitler

bieks said...

A big bug flew into my helmet this morning - spring is here! Or +1 for winter. Wait, how big are leprechauns?

Anonymous said...

JLRB - that's the one! A couple of days before the start of the race, a plane crashed in the lagoon where the swim is held.

rudimentary peni said...

Yeah, well MDC also said John Wayne was a Nazi.

How the hell do you bruise your fingers using a floor pump? They'll probably come up with some electromagnetic shoe enclosure system to avoid broken fingers from ratcheting straps.

Marion Morrison said...

"Yeah, well MDC also said John Wayne was a Nazi."

MDC?

Millions of Dead Cops?
Miami Dade College
MDC Partners?
Multi Discipline Communications. Inc?
MDC Holdings?

Who ever they are, if they called John Wayne a nazi while her was still alive, they would be dead.

Marion Morrison said...

If it was MDC Partners, I bet a dead John Wayne could still beat some manners into them.

Anonymous said...

"Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!"

Also, here in Canada's Drench nose, those "fat bicycles" have been called either Obese Bikes, or American bikes.

Delicious portmanteaux, I assure you.

Anonymous said...

"Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!"

Also, here in Canada's French nose, those "fat bicycles" have been called either Obese Bikes, or American bikes.

Delicious portmanteaux, I assure you.

commie said...

Pickling? I thought this was pickling.

So Ahnuld gets nabbed for not wearing a healmet in Earth's dingleberry, but a lifetime of 'roids and HGH get him rich and elected in Califoonia.

With apologies to Arlo Guthrie...

I don't want a pickle
Just want to ride on my bi-cycle
And I don't want a tickle
'Cause I'd rather ride on my bi-rcycle
And I don't want to die
Just want to ride on my bi-cycle

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...awesome!!! my aramaic is much better than my english.

...will you also finally accept the jesus christ as your lord and saviour? he spoke aramaic too.

grog said...

Top o' the Dingleberry to you.
Thanks for the Babe love.
GREN BEER

leroy said...

My dog asked me to point out that the Rapido Pro is not canine paw compliant.

Now that I think about it, I have no idea how he fixes flats without an opposable thumb.

Unless, he's standing by the side of the road in full kit flagging down folks to do it for him.

Oh well, no time to figure that out. Have to get ready for his book club this evening.

Every St. Patrick's Day he and his buddies share snippets of great Irish poetry over Guiness.

Last year unfortunately devolved into an obscene limerick contest.

This year I'm insisting they stick to classics.

They'll be reading from Joyce's Ulysses. Something about fireworks on a beach I think. What could possibly go wrong?

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Wow, shooting oneself while riding, smacked in the face with a Ewe lock, won't be long before they start taking us out with drones.

U lock dude must have had lousy insurance to be taken to Staten Island.

Mom said...

No, standard pump heads really are a pretty mediocre design, and the only reason no reputable manufacturer has tackled it yet is because there's relatively not much money in bikes. And the reason the existing bike industry (lord help us) hasn't tackled it is because it has its head up its ass. (If they did, they would just make them out of crabon-fribé, spend the rest on marketing, and slap high-fives all around.)

Write back soon honey. -Mom

babble on said...

Mr Pathetic Old Cyclist - yeah, Velo-Drones.

dop said...

Staten Island got it's name when Henry Hudson looked at it, then looked at his map, then said the hell with it & asked his first mate: 'stat an island?

Anonymous said...

SG:

I think JofN just wanted All of us to get along. Look around the world -- It's still too radical an idea for many humans.

Anonymous said...

hit me with the Reductio ad Hitlerum

Gary Fissure said...

contaminated crabon steel ...

kind of says it all now don't it?

commie said...

Ahnuld's father worked with ze Germans? I did nazi that coming.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
vsk said ...

http://www.treehugger.com/bikes/uk-teen-cyclist-hit-car-told-sorry-cant-stop-your-blood-would-upset-my-kids-were-late-school.html

The link even says it all ...

vsk

March 16, 2015 at 4:06 PM

Self Crediting as well!


vsk

Anonymous said...

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...
Vsk

http://blogs.wsj.com/metropolis/2013/09/05/remote-control-helicopter-kills-man-in-brooklyn/

Remember a couple of years back, a kid was flying a new RC chopper. He flew it into his own head and semi decapitated himself? I can't wait for this shit to start raining down from the sky.

From Yesterdee . . .

Anonymous said...

P.O.C. ...

I remember that story. As I recall the helicopter was pretty big. The quad copters, while the rotating mass of their blades isn't substantial, the weight of half a brick falling on you from 20 - 50 - 100+ feet will do some damage.

Better get some helementos for walking.

I shudda rode today.

vsk

Name said...

JLRB,

It is funny that you would compare a bicycle to your ass.

leroy said...

Why is my dog asking me if I know what he means and why is he calling me Vern?

JLRB said...

Name - It isn't my ass that was the subject - but I am so thrilled that you found it funny. Really.

Herod the Great said...

Hey, don't forget about me! I spoke Aramaic too. I also died aromic.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Just rode 18 mi...pretty aromatic right now!

Yaqob said...

Yàlidïn ìnon čol-ènašëya čwaþ χeḁrrëya we šàwyëya va ǧurča we va zìdqëya. Bìyìzvədun yal χuešaba we yal þeḁrþa, we koyìsˀərun χàd ləwaþ χàd va ruχa di àχuþa

leroy said...

Oh Staten Island, not Statin Island.

Well I see the difference, but I still think Statin Island is a better name.

Jacob said...

All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Anonymous said...

Jacob never visited NYC or the webternets

wishiwasmerckx said...

Pickling? I dropped a sizable stink pickle in the turlet this morning, but it doesn't seem to have affected my bike frame in any way.

All this talk about titanium frames makes me want to get out my 2000 Tom Kellogg Merlin and replace its period-correct dura-ace componentry with an up-to-date grouppo, although I would be unwilling to swap out my Campy Shamal tubular wheelset.

wishiwasmerckx said...

"heavily embedded carbon steel?"

Wait, what? Is it carbon or is it steel?

I'll stick with naval jelly for my rust remover. If it is good enough for the Navy, it's good enough for me.

Freddy Murcks said...

I could probably use a new pump head in the same way that I could use a blow job. Nevertheless, I am unlikely to buy either.

Mr pickle said...

He he. Pickle.

Douchebag of the North said...

I'm pretty sure you're required to carry in Florida, so it was bound to happen. Probably many other instances occur which are written off as justified shootings by irate drivers.

Freddy Murcks said...

And in other cycling news, PowerTap has introduced pedal- and chainring-based power meters. I think that there is nothing in the world that I want less than a power meter. And I could only imagine what having AAA batteries in my pedals would do to my cornering clearance.

http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/powertap-p1-pedal-and-c1-chainring-power-meters-launched

bieks said...

Freddy - although you might have a better chance of getting a pump head from your wife for your birthday.

Freddy Murcks said...

Touche, Bieks. Touche.

Mr. Doom said...

First the haters hated MTB's
Then Clipless Pedals that you clip into. They hated index shifting thingers and lever mounted shifty paddles.
The then hated bouncy forks and springy frames.
Then they hated Dick Brakes
And now Fat Bikes?

FB4L ya retrotards, AYFBHCSMB!

babble on said...

Blowjobs make a lovely sort of every day gift that keeps on giving.

WIWM - I love my shiny gold Shamals, too, on the smart as fuck Ti Lynskey I love to ride. They make such a pretty summer wheel!! But even so: over the weekend, I acquired the back wheel to match the front Easton EC 90 aero deep dish crabon wheel a not so anonymous Santa delivered for Christmas, and it is definitely easeir to go faster with them, so this Fred I am will go through the hassle of switching out wheels for races. The wheel isn't actually a hassle, as it has a hub on it, it's just that now I will have to switch brake pads, too, and a test run yesterday proved that it didn't take the ten minutes my local bike tech promised. But it's oh so worth it, cause between Santa and that one and the same early Easter bunny, I am a luck luck lucky girl. :)

Er... everyone knows that pickling is what lots of people do on St Patrick's day. Races this Saturday and Sunday mean that I won't be amongst them this year. Blessed be. Pretty sure that green hue is the colour plenty of people are on the 18th of March.

LynrdZinyrd said...

I prefer a Glock 27 to a 17 It saves a few grams. The additional stopping power is a bonus. The extra magazine capacity of the 19 is often unnecessary except when mopping up witnesses. If you are willing to sacrifice the grams, the magazine of the larger Glock 19 may be used but it will harder to conceal in your BibShorts.

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

You have to get a U Lock that shoots a .357 for standoff use.

I think I am preferring a piece of rebar at this point. Inside of a bike pump if you don't have open carry.

Oh gosh, to touch her shamals !!

vsk

That's what she said...

Babs, I feel like you just failed the Turing test with that last comment. Still, very realistic.

Suggested For You said...

non-plussed

babble on said...

Well, to be fair, the tech sold me another set of shoes, and promised that it would be easier to switch out the shoes than to simply change the pads every time, because the carbon pads are a tight fit in the shoe. Still. I fail the tuning test regularly, truth be told. I have always had a close relationship with the LBS who sells me my bike, because I ride long and hard, and I tend to be hard on things. And because I have always appreciated a solid professional servicing.

VSK -bless your beautiful heart. Pre-booked podium kisses, some for now, some for later... XXX XXX

babble on said...

Lol!! And I CAN read. Qu'est ce le fuck the Turing test?

babble on said...

Ah. Cheers for that.

Does Head Still Make Bikes said...

Babble. "Blowjobs make a lovely sort of every day gift that keeps on giving."

Especially if your partner has mastered the art.

Sir Richard Virgin said...

Visit the 7th planet from the sun. Urscranus (formerly known as Uranus.) You and your travel mates will view up close Urscranus' 27 moons including Scrotunium and Anusillium and the many ASSteroids in the vicinity. Wet bar and 'Cheesburgers in Outer Space' included. Fare is a modest $44,000,000.00. See you on Urscranus.

B. L. Z. Bub said...

Satan Island ferry only sells one-way tickets.

cara merapatkan vagina said...

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babble on said...

Still considering holding a seminal seminar... because when you do it right, it is truly a pleasure to give, too.

And after all. It IS nice to share.

BamaPhred said...

Completely off topic. I see the Manhattan College Jaspers are competing in one of the NCAA play in games. Is this college not in the vicinity of The Snob's manse? Not sure if "winning" means getting to play Kentucky.

Anonymous said...

Do they not know about the silca pump head with the leather washer? There is nothing better. Drop it on, and pump!

BikeSnobNYC said...

BamaPhred,

Nothing could be further off my radar, but yes, it is.

I also just looked and it appears my alma mater is playing Oklahoma on Friday.

Frankly I'm more interested in "House of Cards."

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

You can buy a helmet at a 7/11 in Australia for 5 bucks? That is fucking crazy. Shit, a Shamrock shake is almost 4 bucks. Found that out driving my 2 kids around in the car that the bank has an interest in.

Anonymous said...

Fat bikes are the stand-up paddleboard of the bike world - they don't work as well as things you already have and every dork wants one.

JLRB said...

Trying to talk my family I to filling out my bracket for stupid work contest because Zzzzzz

Anonymous said...

Lanterne rouge for the Tuesday run-in. Ok Wednesday, clock starts…now…

Bryan said...

I totally missed out yesterday! #1, The Arnold: takeaways from the article - police do "routine cyclist interceptions" and you can buy a helment for 5 bucks.
If I were a victim of road rage, you bet I would be smacking someone with my u lock. Sounds like lock face made it home or to his destination just fine before taking himself to the hospital and is enjoying playing the victim card.

Bryan said...

Oh, and that Rapido Penis Pump

Uhm, my pump has but one head and has no problem telling itself which internal part to use. Did these 4 cycling engineers just buy their pumps at the local wal mart?

dop said...

Stains on stainless steel? Damn, that's some nasty rain you got in the Bronx....I mean Lob's country.

bieks said...

It's already tomorrow and no one mentioned 18/10 vs 18/8, 18/6 or whatever the new 300 series designations are? 18/6 will rust first chance it gets. 18/10's generally pretty nice. Wonder what the Ritte is.

Anonymous said...

scratchyscarnus

C.phillips said...

So.. knowing the tai qi practitioner that you have using a rebreakable board.. here is the idea behind rebreakable boards. I have seen this main break boards, bricks, etc... what a waste! Since this gentleman runs a green business, he uses a rebreakable board to conserve wood ;0)
It isn't a matter of "not being able" to break something else, however... as a trained martial artist and licensed acupuncturist, this man advocates for the least amount of damage that is effective enough to solve conflict.

bob said...

use car wax for your ritte, once/year would be a bit more than needed : )

Jone Mark said...

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