Thursday, March 19, 2015

When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Start Slowing

First of all, the bad news is there will be no post tomorrow, Friday, March 18th, 2015.  This is because of reasons.  Rest assured that I will return on Monday with regular updates.  The good news though is that I'm giving you the day off too, so feel free to inform your employer, teacher, rector, commanding officer, or other that I said so and enjoy your three-day weekend.

And hey, give yourself a nice raise while you're at it.

Secondly, remember Steve Spell II?  He's the intrepid cyclist who attained Walmart Bike "Woo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!" speed--which, thanks to his bravery and selflessness, we now know is 83 kilometers per hour, or 51.5738 mph:



I sincerely enjoy this video, because while anxious Freds are penning nerotic screeds to Lennard Zinn about their crabon wonderbike's "speed wobble," Steve Spell II is cruising at highway speed, one-handed, on a Walmart mountain bike with a freaking basket on it.

"Nonlinear bifurcation" my ass.

Well, I was sorry to receive an email from Mr. Spell yesterday informing me that his rear wheel has failed, and here is the dramatic video:



He is now, understandably, quite miffed.

I believe the world is a better place when Steve Spell II's bike is running smoothly, so if you're in the Tickfaw River area and can point him in the direction of a good shop (or maybe even a good used bicycle) please get in touch with him.

Speaking of mechanical issues, Secretary of State John Kerry recently experienced shifting woes while blowing off steam during nuclear talks with Iran:


The State Department has been mum about what caused the trouble, but cutting edge photo enhancement technology reveals Kerry was riding in the ultra-Fredly "big-big combo:"


(That's a pretty big bike.  I wonder if Kerry's ever written Zinn about speed wobble.)

So we can probably blame that, or else the baggage handlers at Ryanair.

In any event, naturally Kerry headed right to the LBS, and here's the proprietor's story:

"The Swiss police came in and told me they needed an urgent repair on a gear-change mechanism," Schumann told AFP on Wednesday.

When the Swiss police tell you they need an urgent repair on a gear-change mechanism, you'd better believe they're not fucking around:


("No, he was not cross-chaining!  Spare us your lectures and fix it!")

Fortunately, Schumann was able to solve the problem in about nine seconds:

Kerry's bike problem though was quickly fixed and although Schumann refused to take any money, the fit 71-year-old American insisted. "They gave us $20," Schumann said.

So basically all it needed was a half-turn of the barrel adjuster, like 95% of the Serottas that go into the shop for service.

It's simultaneously inspiring and chilling that a Fred this massive is fourth in line to succeed Barack Obama as the President of the United States.  Sure, he's just off the Presidential Succession Podium, but like any Fred worth his pro team shorts he has a perfect excuse: his bike wasn't shifting right.

As for me, most of the snow has finally melted around these parts (for now, it's supposed to snow tomorrow), so yesterday afternoon I hopped on the ol' Ritte Rust Bucket to work on my Tai Chi moves:


I'm pleased to report the bike shifted perfectly and was generally a pleasure to ride, but here's some more rust porn for you metallurgists:


Note the petrified perspiration on the top tube because my soigneur had the day off last time I rode it and didn't wipe the bike down for me:


Unpainted stainless steel is a great choice for your next custom bike build, because it's not like cycling makes you sweaty or anything like that.

I may have to get a top tube pad.

Remember top tube pads?



Those were hilarious.

Of course, bikes aren't just for recreation.  You can also use them to go places and to carry stuff and people, which the Wall Street Journal recently discovered at the Copenhagen Bike Show:


I learned a lot from this article.  For example, did you know that in Denmark you can still be a blacksmith?

Claus Nielsen, a self-employed blacksmith and father of a baby boy, took the new $2,000 Scandinavian Side Bike, which has a motorbike-style sidecar for children, for a test ride.

If Claus Nielsen wasn't also wearing a Viking helment then I'll be extremely disappointed.

I was also intrigued to learn there is such a thing as the "Scandinavian Side Bike:"


"Scandinavian Side Bike" has a great ring to it.  In fact, it makes me think of Venezuelan beaver cheese, but that's only because I'm a huge dork.

Sadly, another thing I found out is that bicycles are selling like hot cakes--which sounds good until you consider that the hot cakes market sucks:

Bicycle makers hope their latest innovations will pump up the ailing market for regular bicycles in Europe and the U.S.

Sales of traditional bikes in Europe have been flat or sliding, hitting 19.8 million units in 2013, which is 7% below 2007.

In the U.S., the industry has circled around $6 billion in annual sales for more than a decade, according to the National Bicycle Dealers Association, with the number of regular bikes sold in 2013 down 13% from 2012.

Wow.  I can't believe the gravel and fat bike trends haven't totally turned things around.

The one thing that is growing, however, is ebike sales:

Sales of e-bikes, which have an integrated electric motor to add pedaling power, are growing.

World-wide, annual sales of e-bikes are expected to exceed 40 million units by 2023, overtaking regular bicycles as a portion of the overall bike market, according to Navigant Research, a technology market consulting firm.

Yeah, try telling that to someone who's from a country where they still have blacksmiths:

“I do think that e-bikes are for lazy people,” Ms. Bruun, the mother of two, said. “You need to get more muscles in your thighs and two children on your bike is a good way to get that.”

Amazing.  If an American ever says anything like that you'll be riding ice bikes in Hell.

Then again, we're not exactly taking to ebikes either.  In fact, last night I learned from Aaron that the NYPD's bomb squad was attempting to defuse one:
Though eventually they figured it out.
Just another night in America's Most Bike-Friendly City.

156 comments:

James Porcas said...

Winner!

Tom Morley said...

Wow!

BamaPhred said...

2nd loser podiodiodio

James Matteu said...

Pooooodeeeeeum

josh neeley said...

No recumboobs in the sidecar? You need to up your Photoshop game, holmes.

Anonymous said...

Friday the 18th... Too early in the morning for WCRM

Rover said...

The bicycle side car has been done before, many times.

(Ignore the motorcycle photos.)

JLRB said...

Top of the ten

Anonymous said...

Ten! From the West!

bad boy of the north said...

another early posting...yikes!first 20.

sommerfliesby said...

It just so happens that I will be in the Tickfaw River area at the end of next month! Perhaps I will contact Steve...I've got a spare 26 inch rim laying around...

Bryan said...

Well, I guess that was a dynamic enough a post to skip tomorrow...but I already took a day off this week to chase down a new-to-me bicycle.
Are you spending your day tomorrow pickling your ritte? I prefer bread and butter, or sweet gherkins myself...

bad boy of the north said...

good thing the police and security people didn't make swiss cheese out of the lbs.have a good three dayer,snob and all.

PotbellyJoe said...

Steve from Tickfaw should have someone make a fund-me site like that walking Detroit guy did. He could have a new McLaren Plastic bike and start writing letters to the Zinnster about speed wobble in no time.

Gerd Schraner said...

For sure, Steve Spell II should have had the dorks at the LBS check his spoke tension while they were fixing his rear flat. No doubt, after all his "thousands of miles" or "royding that boyk", those crappy Wally wheels had a spoke tension around 25kg, when it should be closer to 110kg. Recipe for tacos, everytime.
Good thing it didn't collapse during a second "Whoo-Hoo" relaunch!

DB said...

Three Day Weekend!
That gives all of you time to watch my daughter in Spacedogswebseries.com.

africansingle said...

John Kerry is a dumb & dangerous.

Utah Fast Food Eater said...

Wonder if I can get thru the Arby's drive thru with a

"Scandinavian Side Bike"

P. Bateman said...

i think mr. J Kerry might be overcompensating for something with that massive amount of head tube.

babble on said...

Hey!! Serendipity! I saw a leopard top tube on an upright hybrid commuter yesterday. There were other little leopard details scattered about on the bike, too, and the girl was dressed like she was going on an African safari...

You ARE quick off the mark these days, Snobi Wan. Are the little ones early risers?

RANTWICK said...

e-bike=bomb! Whole post was good, but that was the bestest.

Anonymous said...

Friday is March 20th, just saying!

babble on said...

LolZZZ ... silly peeps difusing the bike bomb. Mind you, sometimes I imagine I AM da bike bomb, flying down hills at near Steve Spell wooooo hooooo speeds. Not this week, though. Woo hoo is but a dream. Feels like spinning through peanut butter. And not that I am "training" or anything, but my heart rate is waaaaaaaay higher than it usually is, and first thing in the morning, too. Lots of youz have those medical letters after yer names. Please do tell me: how can a girl Fred possibly be over-not-trained if she has backed way off a winter pile-on-the-base-miles program for over a month already? Hmmmmm?

Enquiring Babblebots need to know.

LeSoigneur said...

I met that Terry Jones in a cheese shop in London one time. I forgot about the cheese shop sketch at that moment though. D'oh!

CommieCanuck said...

Pretty sure the Canadian Conservatives are trying to pass a terror bill that will allow random detonation of bikes. Cycling is so leftist, those helmets might as well be niqabs. Even watch TV news? Taliban ride bikes in black gear when they aren't on the monkey bars.
All we need is one woo-hoo jihadist on a western Walmart bike to fuck everything up.

GEEE HAAD (fuck you NSA, you can't read knuckles yet by satellite)

Grump said...

I presume that there will be a 20% discount on this week's subscription price.

babble on said...

Commie - it's so true. Cyclists are doomed. We will automatically be considered "eneimies of the state" for sure. Even so, Vancouver Freds are warming up to race season in droves.

Sigmund Freud said...

”i think mr. J Kerry might be overcompensating for something with that massive amount of head tube.

Well, according to the all knowing WWW, he either needs to be “overcompensating” with a massive amount of head tub, or stem, or he will ride like a millennial hipster on a slammed track bike.

bieks said...

Ebikes are for lazy people? Where do I sign up? Heck, if I wasn't so lazy, I'd just walk everywhere.

The Boss said...

Today's post was doubly funny, Mr. Snob. Take tomorrow off.

grog said...

will not be reading blog tomorrow, because of reasons.
QUIZ NOPE

leroy said...

Last day of winter commute checklist:

- Base layer bottom: 6 seasons old
- Base layer top: 3 seasons old
- Bibs: 4 seasons old
- Jersey: 9 seasons old (elastic almost gone)
- Tights 5 seasons old (becoming crotchless)
- Wool jersey: 1st season (Fat Cyclist, awesome)
- Booties: 3 seasons old (falling apart)
- Wind jacket: 10 seasons old at least (zippers iffy, small holes from mishaps)
- Gloves: who can remember?
- BSNYC cap: timeless (retrieved from dog)

Thank goodness I can put all this stuff away tomorrow and break out the shorts, T-shirt, sandals, and sunscreen.

Ride safe all!

Flyover BC said...

Kerry, blowing off steam, during nuclear talks?

Does the Swiss EPA know about this? This could be an environmental disaster of Three- Mile-Island proportions, big head tube and barrel adjustors, or not.

BTW Mr. Kerry, why the long face?

James said...

I am surprised my bike wasn't diffused yesterday with Obammer being here in the rustbelt yesterday and parking in close proximity to the venue. I have exposed wires going to a very strange device with counting numbers on it. Could be a detonator.... or a speed/odo-meter.

NHcycler said...

Hi, Snob,

How did you like the Force 5 gale winds yesterday? I made it to work effortlessly; the ride home was quite the workout!

BikeSnobNYC said...

NHcycler,

Headwind on way the way out, tailwind on the way back!

--Wildcat Rock Machine

SYLIC said...

Snob, in your professional opinion do foresee any issues with this >

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/189084529/litelok-lightweight-flexible-and-super-secure-bike

BikeSnobNYC said...

SYLIC,

Looks interesting. Plus you can use it as a pant cuff retainer.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Serial Retrogrouch said...

SNOB, you have a perfect reason to take tomorrow off... as we all do: tomorrow (the 20th, not the 18th) is Persian/Kurdish new year's eve. and the beginning of spring...

...thanks for giving me the day off... i shall take it.

...fuck to snow.

No Need to Thank Me said...

In the Lennard Zinn column Mr. Snob links to above, the first letter claims you cannot countersteer on a bicycle. Here are 2 videos that beg to differ.

Freddy Murcks said...

I ell-oh-elled.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Right on Snobber good post!

Pick up some steel wool while you're out tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

"...fuck to snow.

Damn Straight:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzZvEMT3YsA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reIHx1ozxYk


Tex Terror said...

nerotic screeds

erotic screeds?
necrotic screeds?

P. Bateman said...

by the way, rollers really arent that hard at all. and if you want a safety net - just put them in a doorway. voila.

or use an actual saftey net. either way.

BamaPhred said...

All these posts and not one comment about Leroy's CROTCHLESS TIGHTS?
Sorry Leroy, but I leaving this one alone.

Federico F. Fredriksen said...

Does Steve actually know the difference between tire and wheel? I've never heard of anyone replacing a wheel because they got a flat tire, and it seems like he's expecting the shop to take responsibility for Walmart wheels being lousy.

BikeSnobNYC said...

P. Bateman,

If I'm going to work out in a doorway I'll install a chin up bar.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

PS: I have no intention of ever working out in a doorway or installing any type of workout apparatus therein.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Federico F. Fredriksen,

I wondered the same thing, and after corresponding with him I am still not sure.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Flyover BC

What did John Kerry do when his cat got run over by a steamroller?

Nothing, he just stood there with a long puss.


babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dop said...

WRM: I wouldn't fuck with those 'swiss' police...they're wearing Austrian flags on their uniforms...definitely some kind of 'false flag' operation to create an international incident and stop the flow of chocolate, cuckoo clocks and watches to New York

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

"Anonymous said...
vsk said ...

Me first !

http://news.yahoo.com/iran-talks-kerry-cant-gear-163344648.html

It seems John Kerry is an almost retrogrouchy almost Fred.

vsk

March 18, 2015 at 3:04 PM"

Actually grog alluded to it first and at least bieks gave me credit!

All my life I wanted to be a gangsta ...
But even before that I wanted to captcha some credit on da Bike Snob!!

vsk

Anonymous said...

That looks like Austrian police?

Lewison Clark said...

Poorly built wheels will taco at random times. Happens all the time with cheap bikes. Anyone who has tried to true a Walmart wheel knows the tension can be all over the place. Good thing it didn't happen at 50 mph. Blaming whoever changed the tire is silly.

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

I was reading an article about the future of the sex trade involving computers.
I came across a new favorite word ...
Teledildonics.

What will they think of next ?!

vsk

babble on said...

Lol! I hate to say it, but if you wanted to be a gangsta, you picked the very best place to work, Mr VSK. After all, Wall St is the most profitable place to practice criminal intent.

crosspalms said...

I don't see why raisins should keep you from writing a Friday quiz. Unless you ate some really bad ones. I guess it happens. But I thought you were more of a Cheetos man. Oh well. Hope you feel better.

Anonymous said...

hots cakes

green acres

1967

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6DBMxYTT4Y

wle

Anonymous said...

Babble: "You ARE quick off the mark these days, Snobi Wan."

True, no self respecting bike blogger should be out of the hangover bed before noon EST.

Anonymous said...

Kerry's bike looks pretty sweet. Good on him, particularly for a 72 year old duder.

Anonymous said...

Scrani

Anonymous said...

I was crushing some fucking loops yesterday morning in CP (that's Central Park for you fucking rubes) and I noticed that when the grounds starting sloping upwards it became more difficult to pedal? What the fuck is up with that!? I think something might be wrong with my bike?

Angry Beaver in Miramichi said...

CC: "GEEE HAAD (fuck you NSA, you can't read knuckles yet by satellite)"

I've read they can read the lettering on a package of cigarettes being held in the hand of a Russian soldier, make that volunteer, in the Ukraine. So, I'm guessing your knuckles are already in their database and they've already requested Rob Ford to keep an eye on you.

Anonymous said...

I'm tempted to get the cheapest WM bike they sell and modify it to attach car wheels/tires, a true fatty, so I can see how long it takes before George Hincapie to be photographed riding one.

Anonymous said...

Anom 255: "I noticed that when the grounds starting sloping upwards it became more difficult to pedal?"
What the fuck is up with that!?

According to the GOP the earth is flat, so I have no idea what you're talking about.

dop said...

The Austrians have the best public relations team in the world. They've convinced everyone that Hitler was German & Mozart was Austrian. Gemutlicheit my ass.

Boring eurodude said...

The 2 swat like cops in the picture are austrian, not swiss.
Yes . it is important because Austria is MUCH funnier than Switzerland. Just sayin´

leroy said...

BamaPhred --

The tights didn't start out that way and given the additional layers underneath them, I'm not worried about offending anyone's sensibilities.

Besides, it's not like I'm going to wear out a good pair of tights just to commute.

And when the old ones are finally ready to be retired, I'll give them to my dog to wear as chaps when he and his buddies rent a mechanical bull for rodeo night in our living room.

Anonymous said...

Bro, you gotta get Ritte the step up and replace that rusty frame for you. Clearly they did something wrong unless the thing was designed to rust? Make sure the next one is painted. Not good advertising on a blog that is read by tens of people.

Leonard "fluffer" Zinn said...

Its quite possible that the knobs on the replacement tire were slightly out of alignment, causing a resonant frequency that would have untensioned alternating drive side spokes on that rim. Also when removing surface oxidation from your artisanal stainless frame, I recommend 00 stainless steel wool followed by a surface application of the finest Cambodian breat milks.

Fuck said...

to snow

Flying Dutchman said...

Like this?

Spokey said...

cripes

I go off planet for a couple weeks and come back to find it's still all about walmart bieks.

or did g̶i̶n̶g̶e̶r̶ ̶b̶a̶k̶e̶r̶, er c̶o̶l̶i̶n̶ ̶b̶a̶k̶e̶r̶, er tom baker screw it up again? Is it spring on the morrow? or the beginning of march?

Flying Dutchman said...

Let's try this again...

” I'm tempted to get the cheapest WM bike they sell and modify it to attach car wheels/tires, a true fatty, so I can see how long it takes before George Hincapie to be photographed riding one.”

Like this?

bieks said...

D̶a̶m̶n̶ S̶p̶o̶k̶e̶y̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶s̶t̶r̶i̶k̶e̶t̶h̶r̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ ̶a̶n̶t̶i̶c̶s̶ ̶f̶i̶n̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶p̶u̶s̶h̶e̶d̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶e̶d̶g̶e̶.̶ ̶I̶t̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶s̶ ̶s̶e̶n̶s̶e̶ ̶n̶o̶w̶.̶

il Pirata est Mort said...

Get the Hellicebikes ready. I remember American (North) Babble saying she got the gams pulling kids around by beik.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty lazy for a cyclist, but not $5,000 Specialized Turbo lazy.

Freddy Murcks said...

Isn't there an app for that?

http://velonews.competitor.com/2015/03/mtb/video-tire-pressure-best-mountain-biking_364046

dop said...

Monster bike...the Bohemeith

on kbilly, where the seventies live

JL said...

Snob, couldn't let it slide this time around. The is the second time you're using the WM guy Spell da Duce's phony video. The big giveaway that he's not going woohoo Fred speed is when he turns off the road and you can see the "hill" (overpass really) he came down. He's going over a rutty shoulder on a knobby MTB with sneakers and one handing with phone in the other sitting fairly upright. My guess is low 30s tops even with a tornado for a tail wind (which he would need both hands on bar). How many people you know can hammer with one hand. I know what it takes to get above 45 on a long hill Stateline (9W) or E. Clinton across the river on a MTB w/slicks. This guy is not coming close with effort or posture. Maybe he has a WM phone.

babble on said...

Il Pirata - you have NOT had nearly enough of the Wednesday weed, cause clearly your memory is in fine form. It's true. I hauled the first one waaaaaaaay back when in a Burly trailer, with his bike in the back (once he got tired of pedalling on his own) and the second went from trailer to trail bike. Small boys, groceries, and west coast hills - week in, week out - makes a hella strong leg.

Yet strangely enough, stronger doesn't always mean faster. Somebody told me that you're supposed to spin at 100 RPM to be a good racer! Ha! Mashers R us are happy at 80... :-/

The guy at the bike shop said...

Have a great day off eatin pork chopsh and apple shaush, and hope it don't potata chip on ya!

babble on said...

Spokey - welcome home. Where'dya go?

Flying Dutchman - yikes. I am afraid of monsters.

bieks said...

The guy at the bike shop - Peter Brady? Is that where you're working now? Shwell.

Anonymous said...

Yet again Australia trumps America as the world's worst cycling nation.

Your most senior Fred, Kerry, is fourth in line for the top job. As noted, not even on the podium. Our most senior Fred, Tony Fucken Abbott, is our supreme leader already!

Furthermore, he eats raw onions, taunts Jewish rivals with holocaust and nazi references and is certifiably the most embarrassing leader in the world. And probably quite insane.

It's nice that America strives to excel at cycling mediocrity, but face up to it, youse will never outdo Australia in this competition.

bad boy of the north said...

flying Dutchman...that is some steampunk bike.

Spokey said...

JL

of course not. take a look at the sedan coming the other way at :38 if spell is going 83kph at that point, that car must be doing about 5kph. and the car passing him going his way at :47 must be doing an estimated 193kph.

babs

had to get off planet for awhile for tax reasons so i spent a couple weeks over at europa. just hung out with the other micropes. Swapped bullshit stories about going woo-hoo speeds and quaffed a bit too much venusian brandy.

BikeSnobNYC said...

JL,

Don't ruin it for me.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Sigmond Fried said...

SNOB POSTED 8AM ON A THURSDAY AND IS TAKING A THREE DAY WEEKEND.

I'd be willing to bet that he is going to the funeral and mass burial at Bar Harbor.

http://bangordailynews.com/2015/03/18/news/mid-maine/truck-hauling-30000-pounds-of-live-lobster-crashes-on-i-95/

Nod Stewart said...

I'm a Scottish Robot so go Fook Yurselves!

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

" babble on said...
Lol! I hate to say it, but if you wanted to be a gangsta, you picked the very best place to work, Mr VSK. After all, Wall St is the most profitable place to practice criminal intent.

March 19, 2015 at 2:14 PM"
------------------------------
If Wall Street is profitable, that explains it, I'm on 5th Avenue! No where near Wall Street and a pretty phucked up version of Main Street. If I were profitable I would engage in frational jet ownership and come out and try to catch your draft downhill and say Hi as you blew by me, but I'd be too out of breath from trying to catch up and seeing your flailing legness!!

Actually Ms. Veloria of Lovely Bicycle has a fast cadence.

I try to spin faster but dial it down when I start seeing the spots before my eyes or my breathing sounds like 80 grit sandpaper.

vsk

Anonymous said...

Snob, isn't riding an ice bike in the basement of a war memorial stadium close enough to hell?

babble on said...

vsk Ah. Well you'd best be moving on up, then, if you want to live the gangsta dream!!

She is simply the cat's meow, that Velouria, so of course she spins. But don't let's sweat it, mkay? We can mash the Fondon't and still have a schwell time. :)

McFly said...

I really like the bike attached to the sidecar. Sell the sidecar and buy some fenders and Ergons (L) and rock that bitch up and down the coast. Or to Diarrhea Delight for a butterscotch malt.

Dooth said...

Kerry has a Secret Service Fred riding with him in case someone tries to swift-boat him off his bike.

Steve Barner said...

Having exceeded 50 mph quite a few times on a bicycle, I am highly suspect that Mr. Spell's cell phone GPS is giving an accurate readout of his speed, unless it's reading kilometers per hour. It takes a steep hill and a good tuck to hit 50 mph, even on a tandem, and it's faster than you can pedal on most bikes. I don't know what bridge he was on, but 35 mph sounds a whole lot more belevable.

Barney Fredrickson said...

I've done +50 downhill on a road bike during a club level race. My brain was screaming 'WE'RE GONNA FOOK'IN DIE' but the adrenalin rush overruled all other actions. AWESOME!

Anonymous said...

Awright, if no one else wants it, I'll take it...

Anonymous said...

100th.

Oh, almost forgot;

100th!

Anonymous said...

Babble scared of something? I have my doubts.

Unknown said...

Iowa and Alabama are hipster havens above Brooklyn http://www.cbsnews.com/media/the-19-most-hipster-cities-in-america/

Holy Roller said...

Sometimes I wonder, would Jesus wear spandex or just robes if he was doing the fondo thing?

ce said...

Yeah what the hell Commie? We've moved on from The Hunt for Red October, of course they can read your shitty KNUC TATS from space, they can probably read your fucking mind. If you are indoors they'll use the camera on your phone or TV. Next thing you know, Austrian commando police are fast roping down through your ceiling because you called them Swiss.

ce said...

My theory regarding the timing of Steve's wheel failure is that the new tyre was inflated at the shop to a higher pressure than what the original tyre happened to be running at. The higher pressure put more compression on the rim and reduced the spoke tension even further from whatever random tension they had and which had happened to keep them rolling for as long as they did after they left Walmart.

Roger Valdes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beavis Cleaver said...

All of the SnobBlog podium sluts have nowhere to sprint to today. Blood doping for naught.

Well one could always 'finger bang' one's own self. That should relieve the pressure!

Canadian Redneck Cipo said...

When the moon hit'sa your eye like a big poon-tang pie that's A more eh!

Drunk Hangover said...

So Steveie is a fraud, and his wife/mother is afraid of being in his film, or afraid of his potentially violent reaction to the news that his wheel is fooked? The kids on the four wheeler? World end is near. Stop.

Spokey said...

ce @ 5:10 AM

better believe it. i read an article a few months back where they are experimenting (with some success) at tapping in to soldiers thoughts without drilling holes in their heads.

The article talked about controlling equipment sort of like robo-cop and for special ops to communicate without speaking.

Oh, and left unsaid but of course understood was recording commie's subversive thoughts. And if anyone has read the short Jack Reacher story "Not a Drill" you'll know what they have planned for commie.

BamaPhred said...

Lance, now Steve. I so wanted to believe the dream of 50mph one handed walmart bike with a basket while taking pictures. Now busted. I have zero faith anymore.

McFly said...

My favorite Reacher line of all time:

Reacher: "He had a heart attack."

Detective: "Where did he have it?"

Reacher: "....in his chest cavity."

ce said...

Without drilling holes in their heads? Bonus. Whatever you do, don't call Austrian cyborg commando police "Australian" - that really gets their invasive brain surgery scars burning. Call them Australian and they will put so many holes in you that you'll end up looking like Austrian cheese. So in other words, no holes, but I wouldn't do it anyway.

My first and only encounter with Jack Reacher was the Tom Cruise movie I found when I was desperately searching iTunes for something to watch. Wasn't expecting much, but I did enjoy it. Apparently, when he stalls the car in the chase scene, it wasn't intended, but Cruise actorized his way though it and they left it in for the realistic drama.

Spokey said...

the movie was fairly close to the book. don't remember any stalling car though. of course i liked the book better.

and a little odd that they took an actor who is what? 5'7" or so to portray a guy who is 6'5"

Cecil B. DeDouche' said...

a little odd that they took an actor who is what? 5'7" or so to portray a guy who is 6'5"

The illusions is created using helium-crabon scraus lifters. The device is secreted in the scranalarea of the 5' 7" actor allowing him/her/it to appear to the general pubic as being 'straight'

Anonymous said...

So lonely
So alone

Buzz Killington said...

Just search steve spell II to catch up with his other fuckery, including the gator selfie crash featured last year. He's either a genius or idiot, I can't tell

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Podium!

DB said...

56 degrees in the rectangle shaped states.

DB said...

Snob:
Sorry about Albany.

P. Sagan said...

I wonder did Snob layoff the podium girls or are they being paid for the three day holiday weekend?

ce said...

Stalls at around 3:39

Great car chase. Reacher should have been one of your NYC bus drivers. Pity they've already made a movie about a bus that has to speed around the city, keeping its speed over fifty. I think it was called “The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down.”

BikeSnobNYC said...

DB,

It wasn't that bad.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Weather or not said...

Just a taste of Spring followed by disappointment when the mercury drops - what is really messed up is this was the warmest winter ever on average across the globe, warmer just about everywhere except the Northeast US

Map

Anonymous said...

Something happened in Albany? Was Shelly Silver riding his bike and he got hit in the head by four million dollars in a brown paper bag thrown from a passing car window?

I'm not an EPO robot said...

Ce227: "...Cruise actorized his way though it and they left it in for the realistic drama."

Hilarious! Gets my vote for post of the day.

Angry Beaver in Mirimichi said...

Wilbur Mills had a piece of beaver cheese once upon a time, but it was Argentinian Beaver Cheese. Ended up blowing up in his face like a firecracker.

T-Bone Kahfukkski said...

Did lob really award Peter Sagan the '2014 Palp of the Year' title and trophy???

P. Sagan's acceptance statement ...

Dat Asss!!!

dop said...

Crabon Nuticles.

Spokey said...

ce

yep

clearly a stall. i'll have to rewatch the movie. can't recall when that would have been. what was the body? the auto parts girl? in the book he wasn't around when she was found. can't place the car either. in the book the lawyer had some little pos. i think the duvall character had a jeep or hummer or something. and the auto parts bad guy had some new fancy pickup truck amd a camaro. Pretty dark so it's hard to tell but I'd make that car to be a '67 or '68 malibu super sport. probably pre '68 as i don't see any side marker lights and those were mandatory starting in '68.

but obvious hollywood fakery anywho. reacher doesn't have a driver's license and by his own admission can barely drive. he usually let's someone else do it.

Reach Around said...

Is Reacher a real person

Evil Genius said...

Dear Mr. WCRM,
Fool! How do you think I keep my shiny weapons of mass destruction squeeky clean and free from the besmirchment of unsightly oxidation? I spray them T-9! That's how. Developed by the Boeing Co. for long term protection of aircraft components, Boeingshield T-9 is engineered to... dry to a thin waxy film that lubricates and protects all metal for months. I'm sure there are already thin waxy films on many of your personal items, so why not include the Ritte in that category as well.

Spokey said...

every bit as real, maybe more so, as mitch rapp

oh and a correction. decided the rear lights took it out of the '67-68 chevelle years. i'm now thinking more likely '70 maybe '69 super sport. just must not be able to see the side markers. maybe those years were just reflectors. i think that was allowed. didn't have to be actual lights.

babble on said...

Wooot!! I just won my very first race ever! Came in third on my first race this season, second in my second, and first in this one! Yay!! One more win and I can move up a category. :D

Wonder if my legs are too cooked to do tomorrow's time trial...

ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ce said...

Hmm, I vaguely recall him taking the car from one of the bad guys. It seems Jack Reacher, The Equalizer, John Wick and probably a couple other movies have all blurred together into the one super movie in my head. Maybe Jack Reacher stole John Wicks car? All I know for sure is that the Russian Mafia is the greatest threat there is to the life and property of the average American and as such it is very important that the majority of middle aged Americans are ex-CIA black ops, ex-Navy Seal snipers, or at the very least ex-USMC military police, to maintain the balance.

But you've got to love an action hero who takes the bus when it is raining bullets.

bad boy of the north said...

congratulate beginthtions pn your win,babble.the beginning of many more!

bad boy of the north said...

stupid laptop...congratulations,babble.the beginning of many more!

ce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ce said...

Bizarre, I just went onto iTunes and the featured genre at the top of the page is Vigilante films. I told you my phone was watching me. I'm thinking of hiring Harry Brown starring Michael Caine. It is supposed to be like a British version of Gran Torino. Of course Harry Brown is an ex-Royal Marine. No word yet on what sort of classic muscle car he drives. While not exactly a muscle car, my bet is on a Ford Escort. Unless of course he rides the bus. I'll get back to you on that.

I wish Aging Loner Vigilante Action Hero Who Rides Bicycles was an established cinematic trope. Caine could make excellent use of the Boris Bike system to make an escape, or flip a Brompton out of his trench coat like a butterfly knife during a confrontation. Closest we've got is Traffic Droid. I suppose I can see feature film potential in that.

Spokey said...

sorry ce but traffic drone is unwatchable. it's still early here and i'm on my second 12oz coffee and can't stay awake. even during the exciting wait for the cops to arrive part. no i didn't watch it all the way to there. jumped to that point after about 30 seconds of initial boredom.

oh and not a focus. isn't the focus an american platform? i'm thinking fiesta

Angry Beaver in Miramichi said...

Podium for BABBLE! Congrats.

Fred 'A LEGEND IN HIS OWN MIND' Barneyfeld said...

I just got me ego Bromptoned ...

When it starts getting to large I just fold it!

babble on said...

Thank you, gentlemen! It wasn't actually the best of races - the second place win was a way better tactical race, so that I placed higher in the overall rankings, but a win's a win, and I'll take it. I was surprised at how much of a rush it was to come home with that winners' jersey. So it is completely understandable why guys do absolutely anything - taking ball destroying enhancement drugs included - to win those world class races. Never mind the dosh. My winnings amounted to dinner and the cost of the season's races. Just imagine what a guy would do to go home with the yellow jersey AND a healthy bank account to boot. Well, I guess we don't have to imagine. The CIRCumcision report spells it all out.

Still. Winning is its own drug. I'm completely hooked. :)

Spokey said...

i know babs loves her electra. but here is one white bike sweeter by a mile.

https://groups.google.com/group/bicycletouring/attach/a57a699ae077e9c4/image1.JPG?part=0.1&authuser=0&view=1

ce said...

Spokey, perhaps you missed the Traffic Drone title sequence. It opened on the city streets at night. With the music and text style it really fit the vigilante action hero vibe. Quite exciting, but even on my second attempt it seems I messed up the link so that the video starts a minute and a half in. You may however consider this a blessing.

So anyway, it turns out Harry Brown walks everywhere. It may be that he is too poor to afford the bus, because there is a bus route that goes past his council block - two gangsters get run over by it, a realistic depiction of the daily perils of urban life. He does steal a classic Land Rover from a dead baddy, which I guess holds the English equivalent in sentimental value to a classic muscle car, and of course is symbolic of his earlier life as a Royal Marine. Interesting that in England it is not the Russian gangsters, but the Irish gangsters causing all the troubles. Bad choice of words there.

The two things that bugged me the most about the film were: 1. The distractingly terrible CGI blood splatter and smoke effects. 2. He puts strawberry or raspberry jam on his toast. I figured his character as more of a marmalade kind of guy.

Spokey said...

ok ce

you've sold it. maybe. netflix (streaming) of course doesn't have it. i ought to dump that pos but it does have the original zone which i'm watching while doing the tour 'd basement.

amazon has it for 2.99 fun coupons. is it worth that many? even with the fun coupon rising agin' the euro and us dandruff dollars?

ce said...

Sold you on Harry Brown, or Traffic Droid? I'd pay 2.99 of any currency to see Traffic Droid, The Movie. Harry Brown, probably not, unless you are at a real loose end and/or are sick and tired of the kids these days walking all over your lawn, what with the baggy pants down around their knees and their mar-i-juana, and you'd really like to see them get their cumeuppance (the shit shot out of them) in a poorly rendered fashion. As far as movies featuring an ageing, simple living, heroic Englishman go, I would however recommend Still Life. The protagonist is a different kind of justice seeker, a master in the dark art of bureaucracy. From memory, I believe he rides the train, possibly also the bus. You'll have a little cry at the end. The only detraction is that the love interest seems far too young and attractive for the comb over sporting, beady eyed little troll man (with a heart of gold) who plays the lead.

ce said...

Correction: comeuppance - a bit of Freudian slip there, but actually one of the gangsters does get his cumuppance. But not worth 2.99 to find out how.

Anonymous said...

scranus

babble on said...

Wow! That bike is unbelievably British... it's a picnic pub!! And also, it isn't rusting out, whereas Bea bike is looking a bit "been round the block" ish. In fact, Bea bike makes Snobbers' Ritte look pristine. So yes, the bar bike wins the best white bike competition hands down.

Rubbee said...

When the going gets tough... Install the Rubbee ! :)) nice post though 10/10.

JLRB said...

eBikes are the bomb

Anonymous said...

Babble won the Race for the Dark Chocolate. Congrats to Ms. Babble! Well done.

Anonymous said...

Yesterday Babble wrote: "Just imagine what a guy would do to go home with the yellow jersey AND a healthy bank account to boot."

Just imagine what a guy would do to go home with her legs and throat for a night.

Jone Mark said...

nice post thanks for posting i will read this post another time

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