Thanks to this daring rider, we now know that Walmart Bike "Woo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!" speed is 83 kilometers per hour, or 51.5738 mph:
That's over five miles per hour faster than Fred "Woo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!" speed!
And that's all MAN-powered speed, baby!!!
Can you imagine how fast he'd have gone if it weren't for that basket?
Also, in addition to witnessing history, this week we made a new friend:
I'm referring of course to Thumbs-Up Boris Bike Guy from the "London Underline" rendering:
(Thanks, Joshua the Reader, for "isolating" him.)
As cyclists, many of us ride with the same group of people year after year, and while there's a great deal of comfort in that it's always good to let someone new into the gang every once in awhile. Given his laid back riding style and affable demeanor, I'm confident Thumbs-Up Boris Bike Guy is going to fit in well with the crew. In fact, I've already introduced him to Recumbabe:
Nonplussed Bib Shorts Guy:
And of course the lone wolf himself, The Lone Wolf:
I'm pleased to report everyone seems to be gelling nicely, and once his six-week probationary period ends I'll present Thumbs-Up Boris Bike Guy with his official jersey:
Welcome to the club.
Lastly, a reader tells me a bill in Wyoming would require cyclists to wear neon clothing:
Under a bill introduced in the Wyoming legislature in late January, cyclists in the state would be required to wear reflective neon, carry government-issued IDs, and mount rear lights on their bikes. If enacted, the bill would take effect July 1.
House Bill HB0206 has six co-sponsors and very specifically mandates that cyclists on roadways “shall wear not less than 200 square inches of high visibility fluorescent orange, green, or pink color clothing visible from the front and rear of the bicycle.” The rear “light-emitting device” would have to be something like a strobe or flashing light. The government-issued photo ID can be anything from a passport to a driver’s license.
It's worth noting that Wyoming is the least populous state in all of Canada's underpants. Given this, you'd think drivers there would be able to avoid hitting cyclists without making them wear Day-Glo. In fact, Wyoming is one of the few places where a "One Less Car" sticker actually means anything, since there are like eighteen (18) people in the whole state, so if you're riding a bike you're actually making a significant reduction in motor vehicle traffic. On Bike To Work Day I can't imagine there'd even be anyone left to run you over.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right that's great, and if you're wrong you'll see the worst joke ever.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and Happy Valentine's Day.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) What is this?
--A Cannondale-Garmin rider preparing to face the harsh Mediterranean climate of Mallorca
--An actor preparing to film green screen scenes for the upcoming "Premium Rush" sequel, "Premium Rush II: Perineum Rash"
--Castelli's new hepa filter for germophobes
--A rider attempting to comply with Wyoming's new cycling attire laws
2) Gravity is your friend.
3) Gravity isn't always your friend.
4) Mike Unklesbay holds the world record for:
--Off-road miles cycled in a 24-hour period
--Cycling from Portland, ME to Miami, FL
--Riding a fat bike in hot weather
--Sustaining a nonplussed facial expression
5) The only way to keep triathletes from crashing is to anally impale them on their saddles and then affix them to the backs of SUVs with suction cups.
6) Why are these kids so happy?
--They're not allowed to watch TV
--Their parents won't let them get vaccinated
--Their Green Toys®, while lacking the thrillingly realistic detail and undeniable fun factor of Tonka products, are both sustainable and eco-friendly
--They were promised ice cream if they pretended to be excited about fruit
7) Who is Burt Goldman?
***Special Vintage Softride Triathlon Remount Porn Video!!!***
Which reminds me that I am the only person in the world ever to have photographed the Softride Hipster High-Lock: