***Apologies! I totally forgot to mention this blog will be closed on Monday, January 19th, 2015 in observance of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Well, I shouldn't say the blog is closed, because you're still free to come here and read it. What I mean is that I won't be updating it. I will, however, return on Tuesday, January 20th with regular updates. Thank you very much for understanding, and if you don't like it may Dr. King come back and smite you. Amen.***
You know how the second it starts snowing anyplace in America all the drivers lose what remains of their minds and crash into each other immediately, and how all the cyclists won't dare venture outside without first spending a few thousand dollars on an industry-approved fat bike they'll never actually ride?
Well here's what happens in the Netherlands:
It's worth noting that the typical middle-aged Dutch person on a city bike seems to have better bike-handling skills than most of the field at a typical American cyclocross race. It's also amazing to see drivers who are considerate towards cyclists even when the weather is foul, because here it's the opposite, and the shittier the weather the more inconsiderate the drivers are towards pedestrians and cyclists. This is because we're a nation of assholes who resent weakness and disadvantage, and therefore we enjoy punishing the unfortunate losers who are forced make their way through snow and rain without being hermetically sealed inside of automobiles.
In fact, we love seeing people suffer in the elements so much that our car dealerships use it for self-promotion:
And hey, I'm no better, because I too can't help enjoying the misfortune of others. For example, I should feel really bad for this person, but instead I find it hilarious:
#Garage vs @velolook vs #car: Not sure who's the #winner here. But it's not the car. Loving the pic, via @jejeroule44 pic.twitter.com/I0WFvy1csz
— Laurens van Rooijen (@bikejourno) January 16, 2015
A picture is worth a thousand words, and that bike must have cost at least ten thousand dollars.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right that's good, and if you're wrong then you'll see some Fred bike freestyle.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and check those clearances.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
(His handwriting is sloppy because he's wasted.)
1) Which is not a form of annoying cyclist behavior according to Australian "Family Feud?"
--"Taking Driving Lane"
2) Why is this Fred smiling?
--He is enjoying a mid-ride coffee
--He is safe, thanks to his seatpost-mounted radar system
--He looks like a deranged Ewan McGregor
--All of the above
3) The latest must-have triathlon accessory is:
--A pair of smart goggles
--A submersible drone
--A pair of smart water wings
--A personal lifeboat
4) A saboteur in Portland is using _____ to booby-trap cyclists.
5) Finally! It's a superfluous roof rack stabilizer bar for neurotics, because the gentle rocking of a bicycle on a roof rack is totally going to crack your crabon fork!
6) Volvo is working on a:
--Crash-sensing bicycle helment
--Self-lowering roof rack to avoid damage to bicycles due to insufficient clearance
--Superbowl ad in which Swedish pop group Abba reunites to perform a new original song entitled "Fuck Subaru"
("Any y'all squirrels try to get at my nuts and yer dead!")
7) If guns are outlawed only invasive tree species will have guns.
***Special "This Is Why You Pass The Lock Through The Frame"--Themed Bonus Video***