Friday, January 16, 2015

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

***Apologies!  I totally forgot to mention this blog will be closed on Monday, January 19th, 2015 in observance of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.  Well, I shouldn't say the blog is closed, because you're still free to come here and read it.  What I mean is that I won't be updating it.  I will, however, return on Tuesday, January 20th with regular updates.  Thank you very much for understanding, and if you don't like it may Dr. King come back and smite you.  Amen.***

You know how the second it starts snowing anyplace in America all the drivers lose what remains of their minds and crash into each other immediately, and how all the cyclists won't dare venture outside without first spending a few thousand dollars on an industry-approved fat bike they'll never actually ride?

Well here's what happens in the Netherlands:



It's worth noting that the typical middle-aged Dutch person on a city bike seems to have better bike-handling skills than most of the field at a typical American cyclocross race.  It's also amazing to see drivers who are considerate towards cyclists even when the weather is foul, because here it's the opposite, and the shittier the weather the more inconsiderate the drivers are towards pedestrians and cyclists.  This is because we're a nation of assholes who resent weakness and disadvantage, and therefore we enjoy punishing the unfortunate losers who are forced make their way through snow and rain without being hermetically sealed inside of automobiles.

In fact, we love seeing people suffer in the elements so much that our car dealerships use it for self-promotion:



And hey, I'm no better, because I too can't help enjoying the misfortune of others.  For example, I should feel really bad for this person, but instead I find it hilarious:


A picture is worth a thousand words, and that bike must have cost at least ten thousand dollars.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right that's good, and if you're wrong then you'll see some Fred bike freestyle.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and check those clearances.


--Wildcat Rock Machine





(His handwriting is sloppy because he's wasted.)

1) Which is not a form of annoying cyclist behavior according to Australian "Family Feud?"

--"Ring Bell"
--"Taking Driving Lane"
--"Salmoning"
--"Everything"





2) Why is this Fred smiling?

--He is enjoying a mid-ride coffee
--He is safe, thanks to his seatpost-mounted radar system
--He looks like a deranged Ewan McGregor
--All of the above






3) The latest must-have triathlon accessory is:

--A pair of smart goggles
--A submersible drone
--A pair of smart water wings
--A personal lifeboat






4) A saboteur in Portland is using _____ to booby-trap cyclists.

--Staples
--Tacks
--Broken glass
--Velcro





5) Finally!  It's a superfluous roof rack stabilizer bar for neurotics, because the gentle rocking of a bicycle on a roof rack is totally going to crack your crabon fork!

--True
--False






6) Volvo is working on a:

--Crash-sensing bicycle helment
--Connected e-bike
--Self-lowering roof rack to avoid damage to bicycles due to insufficient clearance
--Superbowl ad in which Swedish pop group Abba reunites to perform a new original song entitled "Fuck Subaru"






("Any y'all squirrels try to get at my nuts and yer dead!")

7) If guns are outlawed only invasive tree species will have guns.

--True
--False



***Special "This Is Why You Pass The Lock Through The Frame"--Themed Bonus Video***






114 comments:

Anonymous said...

PODD YUUM

mikeweb said...

Poe Dee Yum

Anonymous said...

Podium!

Vernal Magina said...

top five?

McFly said...

chchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchapped
my ass is chapped

synonymous said...

Who's got time to read?

Grump said...

"You know how the second it starts snowing anyplace in America all the drivers lose what remains of their minds and crash into each other immediately, and how all the cyclists won't dare venture outside without first spending a few thousand dollars on an industry-approved fat bike they'll never actually ride?"

And then there are others who use the cold and snow to pile up insane miles riding indoors. Enough miles to make their brains run out of their ears.


GreySpoke said...

tada

Anonymous said...

Top ten on a Friday… I'll take it.

Anonymous said...

podium

Anonymous said...

well, to be unfair to the nether-region-lands, it's completely FLATTE

ice is different going downhill

wle

Anonymous said...

a bit ironic that the bike that gets scraped off on the way into the garage is a "Look". Get it, "Look up you big dummy".

Anonymous said...

Snob - stop sugar-coating the whole bike scene. It can't be as wonderful as you portray it. Once, I rode a bike on a bike path. I had a great time. Didn't crash, didn't get run over, didn't get assaulted by police. Made it to destination. Saw some turkeys (birds). Another time, I saw some deer.

It can happen to you too.

cycle

Anonymous said...

Theoretically, i would love to be able to ride a bike on the rails, though to go somewhere, not to hop around. Oh No! That would be dangerous! Well actually it would be safer than dealing with the cars, sad but true.

Herschel Raney said...

I think I would steal your bike if you locked it like that.

Those are some snow biking, friendly undaunted Mofos in the Netherlands.

ken e. said...

present!

BamaPhred said...

Scranus

leroy said...

Ride safe all!

And if you see a group of hung over canine Elvis impersonators, ask who shot my television.

leroy said...

My dog is asserting his right to remain silent concerning his Elvis impersonation.

We'll see how long that lasts.

Wind gusts this evening. He can ride lead.

dop said...

Silly-ass goggles. I imagine a fellow aqua fred buying them to wear in the Lake Placid Ironman...

PSYCH!!! The crystal clear water of Mirror Lake is so crystal clear, that a tow cable is left on the lake bottom as a 'lane stripe' to follow. (does not work in the Hudson)

Spokey said...

damn robot screwing me again.

On my reader list it now says bsnyc was updated 2 min ago and I thought I had a shot at the podium. Coming here I find 18 previous posts and it was really posted 1/2 hour ago.

payback for watching I Robot last night?

damn sneaking robot. Or maybe damn Will Smith

trama said...

that was a waste of an old-skool classic LOOK road bike, the thing had them old style rim grabbing brakes.

McFly said...

My arse is fine.

You know I didn't see in the Netherlander Snow Riding Documentary? Fat people.

Anonymous said...

"person of interest" is PC for fucking horsethief.

get a rope.

Fat people said...

Chap it Fly!

Anonymous said...

Cyclist deaths up by 67% in 2014 in America's Best Bike City!

http://gothamist.com/2015/01/16/cyclist_deaths_bike_lanes.php

So much for vision zero, De Blasio's response - give out more tickets to cyclists. Seems logical. Have a nice weekend and be safe.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:37pm,

I saw that. I wonder if the increase has to do with the increase in total cyclists out there...

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Bryan said...

That lateral support bar isn't for bikes, it is to stop your stupid car from getting a few dings.

That first video was cool. made me want to not live in the US and go somewhere people give priority to those of us on 2 wheels

Ah fatbikes....aka the most useless bike you can own. There was a good thread on bike forums about just how truly not cool fatbikes really are. Pup the tires up a lot...great for hard surfaces, ergo a dumb bike to have. Let the air out, great while you are on snow, sand or mud, but if you come to a clear patch of pavement, you won't be liking life. Seems people are trying to deceive themselves into thinking it was a great way to spend over a grand. Anyways, been getting into vintage mountain bikes lately. Love my '95 Univega I picked up.

Person of interest 1 said...

Those lawyer lips really slow me down, ya know?

Twob Rake said...

The Netherlands video must be fake. Nowhere can be that thoughtful of cyclists.

P. Bateman said...

i feel bad for that LOOK - think that is a 595mondrian. i like them.

i actually won a Look 566 on a bicycling themed magazine's website a couple years back when they gave one away for the TDF. i liked it a lot, but realized i didnt like it $3K worth so i promptly sold it and i stick to my bitching Raleigh Team bike from the 80's.

and now you know that. so use that info for good, not evil.

safe riding over the long weekend gang.

Anonymous said...

that probably has something to do with it, but I doubt that the number of cyclists have increased by 67% between 2013 and 2014, even with the mid 2013 launch of Citibike (and the article says only one death was in a Citibike zone for what that might be worth).

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...why do the dutch produce these really boring videos in english?

...one gets the impression they're rubbing it into our faces in canada's soggy bottom.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:37pm/1:57pm,

Good point.

Interesting about the so-called "Citi Bike zone." Is there a map of where the fatalities occurred? Things definitely get a lot more dangerous outside of the Citi Bike gentrification bubble.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Neil said...

I like they way he calls it 'gritting'. We call the trucks 'Sanders' up in the tundra, because they dispense sand, but I'm going to start saying 'gritters'.

K-Bo said...

My work terminal doesn't block commenting now!!! WEED!

P. Bateman said...

@Bryan

which Univega did you find. i had an alpina 600 from 95 and at that time i think i paid over $650 which at the time seemed like bat shit money for a bike but was told it was "race ready"

i remember being so bummed like 3 months later when i saw a rock shox judy fork and thought i was now riding an outdated piece of shit.

still have mine and just have never gotten around to tinkering with it to bring it back to life.

meltyman said...

PB and "bitching Raleigh Team bike from the 80's." -- banana? You know what I mean: black, red & yellow, IIRC. I had one but it was nicked from a Nottingham Uni. bike shed.

Bryan said...

@P. Bateman - best I can tell is it is a '95. It's a Rover 305...chromoly all around, kind of a beast - so far great for urban riding, though I have some knobbies I can put on for some trail riding. I traded an 82 Ross Super Grand Tour back to the original owner in exchange for something I would get more riding out of (cause that bike was like a 27 inch frame). I missed out on keeping an Arabesque groupset, but at the same time, I think it was a decent enough trade

bad boy of the north said...

Have a good weekend all

Anonymous said...

Will the real Mcfly please step forward.

I am sure your stupid American police can contrive a law to take care of the infiltrator!

P. Bateman said...

@meltyman - no, i do love the banana frames but i have the Raleigh-Levi colouringway in reynolds 753

http://sheldonbrown.com/retroraleighs/racing-usa.html

Regular guy said...

What kind of damage will be inflicted when a Fred using the Bike Bar stabilizer drives into his garage forgetting about the bike on the roof?

Seems to be increasing the unstoppable force meeting the immovable object ratio.

We had a car dealership here that once had the slogan "nobody walks!" Now we know that was good advice.

Peter G said...

Guaran-fuken-teed that auto dealer specializes in high end, bike hatin', self absorbed scumbags drivin' Lexus, Infiniti, Audi and the worst of all, Hummer.

Flyover BC said...

"Nobody Walks" means the salesman gets fired if he lets a prospective customer out the door without talking to a manager or another salesman.

McFly said...

I'm fine with it. BEHOLD!! Cast thine eyes across the vast field of fucks I have grown......for it is a barren land of no crops.

McFly said...

I recall a blog curator that could have used a Roof Rack Outrigger Stabilization Bar on his Honda when the Electra bike "articulated" to the door.

Old-timer said...

Friday. I got nuthin’. Wait! Re: “Fat Bikes”. Wasn’t it Will Rogers who said: “Never met a bike I didn’t like.” I’m like that. Fat Bike? It’s a BIKE, dadgumit. What’s not to like??? // Passed my bedtime now...

Andy Scherer said...

I spent some time in s'Hertogenbosch a looong time ago and wanted to move there. Cycling was totally integrated, you should see those intersections in good weather. Kids there learn to ride right and proper from the git-go.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

whoo-Hoo number 50 MLK whatevah post!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I don't know what that means.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

MOBY DICK

David G said...

Je suis that bike that guy ripped off.

Jeb said...

Y'all mock us Southerner's an' our guns but if Jesus wus packin' heat would them dudes ever got the drop on him? I thinks not!

dop said...

At least he left a note.

Thought for the day, inspired by crrent events: One of the nicest things about owning a dog is never having to clean up cat vomit.

Anonymous said...

I really miss that narcissist Babble, and all of her stupid, irrelevant comments.

dop said...

RCT-

Is Robert Plant consider his penis a Moby Dick or a Led Zepplin?

dop said...

Does, not is.

A robot would not make that mistake

Anonymous said...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/in-sight/wp/2015/01/16/the-bicycle-brigade-cycling-through-beira-mozambique/?hpid=z8

Old-timer said...

Babble! We’re SO LUCKY to have her on this ride! She’s smart, she’s eloquent, and she’s beautiful. A ride populated with only swaggering swingin’ dicks? No thanks…

dnk said...

"....If you don't like it, may the pope insult your mama and punch you in the nose!"

VOR said...

Mr. Bike Snob, since you mentioned Holland (Europe) and "Fred" on the same day, I invite you to view a YouTube of a Euro Fred (or Tri-dork) taking his family on a 480 km tour of France. He (and the kids) appears to be actually enjoying it. Eurovelo 6 Bale Dijon 2

VOR said...

Mr. Bike Snob, what I've noticed about bicycling in Europe is the almost total absence of lycra and drop bars. Everyone is riding the same (heavy) type of bike, wearing normal clothes, obeying traffic laws, and going roughly the same speed. How can that be?

Swaggering Dick said...

Miss Babble. Ain't she sweet!

babble on said...

LOL!!! OMG that's too funny! Thank you for thinking of me, anonytroll. Heh heh. Geez, only one day away and you bring my name into the game? What a laugh! You appear to be oblivious to the obvious, though, so let me spell it out for you: that comment of yours is a text-book example of projection. To the letter. Poor little thing - sucks to be you. You probably can't help yourself, bless your sick and twisted little tiny heart. Be careful, though. In some places they throw sad scraps of humanity like you behind bars.

And like McFly said: BEHOLD!! Cast thine eyes across the vast field of flying fucks I have grown......for it is a barren land of no crops.

Thank you, Old-timer, for standing up in my defense. You are very kind, and that's definitely the most admirable trait a person can have. Don't worry, though. Spiteful little trolls aren't a negative thing at all. You've gotta take it as a compliment, see. After all, the great Snobi Wan has had his share of trolls, too - it simply means I have finally arrived. :D

Spokey said...

if snobbie didn't allow narcissist . . . stupid, irrelevant comments, he might as well just close the comment section.

OTOH those internet troll laws are troublesome. The thought police have enough power already.

MALCOLM said...

"...Dr. King come back and smite you.

But it will be a nonviolent smote.

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Trying to get some work done on a Sunday.
Some little jerk is trying to mess with our Ms. Babble!

What kind of WTF is that?

Go back in your hole!

Now back to the regularly scheduled nonsense!

vsk

samf said...

Seven out of seven! First time for everything.

Jesus Christ said...

Babs doth go where most ladies do fear to tread. Her comments are refreshing in comparison to the testosterone steeped drivel that all you pud pullers have to offer.

Mohammed said...

Babs in a burka. Now that's an image to which I can be drawn.

DB said...

I watched Premium Rush last night instead of football.
Don't know what that means.

P. Bateman said...

I HAD A DREAM...that i posted to the comments even though its closed today. and also Snob, Babbles and Leroy's dog were in the dream too and they were all doing weird stuff on the Smugness Flotilla. really weird stuff.

i'm gonna go for a ride. its a little chillier than i like at only 67 degrees here in America's impressively sized wang, but i'm hardcore and not going to let old man winter keep me down.

dop said...

DB:

I think you watched Premium Rush because the first 56 minutes of the NFC game were terrible & the AFC game was never a match.

PB:

If you rub Florida it will get bigger.

Anonymous said...

I came back today [MLK Jr's BD/holiday] also, because I didn't know if the Snob's blog would be updated, or not.

Saw the red italicized script...no new post today...

Being an old retire guy, every day is a holiday, more or less.

dop said...

I think we may have overdone the whole 'Americas Wang' meme. I certainly have. We/I need to grow up and move on.

And now, let me move on by introducing America's clitoris, Cape Cod Massachusetts!!

P. Bateman said...

@DOP

the cape cod clit smells a little fishy.

Spokey said...

i'm even less likely to watch a football game than i am to watch the tour of someplace east of london.*


* i do wander through the living room upon occasion and catch a few seconds. shameful to admit but spousy does watch this shit.

clam/http://clamoutdoors.com/ said...

@DOP


DId you say clam?

BamaPhred said...

Some people have the day off. I don't. If I was home I would be too busy to surf BikeSnob, but since I'm at work I have plenty of time!
Clams? If it tastes like chicken keep on licking if it tastes like trout time to get out!

BamaPhred said...

Football? The games are almost scripted. Looks like a 'roid enhanced video game. Plus my teams always lose. The degree to which they lose is proportional to what I have emotionally invested in them. I will steal McFLy's Observation as it relates to my football watching habits: Behold the harvest of fucks my fields hath yielded. Yea, it is barren and void. Are they still playing?

dop said...

I will entertain nominations for 'America's Pilonidal Cyst". The winner will be displayed in a Photo Essay I might self-publish, "Anatomic America. A Journey in Photographs and Maps"

BamaPhred, I'm looking forward to a limerick on Pilonidal Cysts that isn't too PC.

I too had to work, but half my patients looked at that ice & stayed home.

BamaPhred said...

Mohammed
Babs in a burka? Cane thyself sufficiently to expiate your blasphemy.
Now something like Salome dressed in The Seven Veils is another story.

BamaPhred said...

There was a poor Fred with a cyst.
Who tried to get on dop's list.
His ass was on fire.
His scranus! So dire!
Now his shants are all in a twist.

Now back to my regularly scheduled routine of telling folks no, they can't have it now.

Later dudes.

dop said...

Ken Russell's Salome's Last Dance


yes, that's the full movie for all of you at work

dop said...

Thanks Bama....so, Jacksonville?

babble on said...

You've gotta love belly-dancing... um, but how, exactly, does that jive with Islam?

dop said...

Good morning, Canadian left coast.

I don't think Salome was Muslim.

No MLK day for you!

Spokey said...

Orion slave girls are not generally muslims. thus no burpas

dop said...

I was thinking along the lines of Slave Leia Pillow Fight

Dooth said...

Walked through Central Park this afternoon and it was Martin Luther Fred Day.

Kickstarter review request said...

Leafxpro please.

JLRB said...

Have you all seen a Seahawk ride a bike?

JLRB said...

Why bother locking the frame of your bike if you park where cameras monitor every move?

JLRB said...

Why bother being a person of interest if your face is permanently blurry?

JLRB said...

Although I have to say I am pleasantly surprised the DC police types put out a video to try to catch a bike thief...

JLRB said...

I tried to find a link to it, but struck out - anyone remember Richard Pryor's joke about MLK, and people who didn't want it to be a holiday?

JLRB said...

enough with the thin veil

Anonymous said...

98

dop said...

century?

JLRB said...

DAMN YOU!!!!

JLRB said...

er, I mean congrats on the century

McFly said...

Ghost of premature ejaculations past.

JLRB said...

robot captcha woke up right around 98

JLRB said...

I am that guy falling down the mountain on the old Wide World of Sports lead in ...

Spokey said...

congrats dop

tough shit jlrb. bet if you had been saying "shuddup scranus" over and over youdda won

BamaPhred said...

I've rubbed every lamp in the house, still no genie to grant wish to the Slave Leia Pillow Fight. Have to go rub something else I guess.

dop said...

Thank you

McFly said...

I see I checked in @ 6:56.....that actually describes my Saturday night to the DON'T MOVE DON'T MOVE DON'T MOVE............you moved.

JLRB said...

shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus shuddup scranus

JLRB said...

nope
didn't work

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