But did you know the holiday has an obscure counterpart down here in Canada's Taint?
("Here, enjoy some smallpox.")
Yep, it's true! We've got our own Thanksgiving, commonly known as "American Thanksgiving." The whole shitshow goes down on Thursday, November 27th this year, and that means I'M TAKING THE WEEK OFF, SUCKERS!
In other words, after today's post, I will not be posting again until Monday, December 1st, at which point I will resume regular updates. So please mark your calendar:
(Holy shit, the puppy's driving a car! How fucking cute is that? I hope he doesn't crash into a tree and get decapitated when he goes flying through the windshield--though that would make a good image for January.)
And if you're wondering why I need a whole week off, it's because I'm planning an amphibious assault on the Walmart in Valley Stream for Black Friday, because the early bird gets the deeply-discounted Chinese goods, and the late bird gets trampled to death:
When it comes to giving thanks, Canada could learn a thing or two from us.
Of course, if you don't want to get trampled this Black Friday, you should just sit back and do all your holiday shopping from the safety of your computer:
You know what they say: if it's not a gift from the BSNYC/Walz Caps Collection, then it totally fucking sucks.
Also, I have coffee, because people love coffee, and I love people.
Meanwhile, here's a bit of good news for once from [stifles laughter] America's Most Bike-Friendly City:
Transportation Commissioner Polly Trottenberg says the Department's "Bikes on Bridges" campaign will look for ways city bridges can accommodate more bikes and boost safety.
The proposal will be announced at a City Council hearing Thursday afternoon.
Trottenberg said the study will focus on the 16 bridges connecting northern Manhattan and the Bronx. "That's one area where I really heard loud and clear people wanted to get improved cycling experience over the Harlem River," she said.
It's about time. Over the past decade and a half they've lavished a tremendous amount of attention on the East River crossings, and it's getting to the point where they only way to improve them further would be to have volunteers throwing rose pedals in your path as you ride. So I'm glad it's finally occurring to them to get around to the rest of the city.
And while we're on the subject of New York City bridges, let's all say Happy Birthday to the Verrazano Bridge, which turned 50 today:
Let's also remember that, 50 years later, you still can't walk or cycle over this bridge, so maybe one day they'll get around to changing that--after the Harlem River crossings of course, which are far more important.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right, well, that's just terrific, and if you're wrong you'll see incredible speed.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and Happy Thanksgiving.
I love you,
--Wildcat Rock Machine
(What a freaking nerd.)
1) The 21st century equivalent of "Schrödinger's cat" is "Bono's helment."
(Identifying yourself by airport code: the calling-card of the entry-level city.)
2) Portland, its cycling heyday far behind it, is giving up on bikes and moving on to:
3) This new pedal harnesses the mediocre foot-retaining power of:
4) "Helmetor" is:
--A vehicular-cycling superhero
--The name of the comet upon which the Philae landed
--The term for the party fitting the helment, as opposed to the "helmetee," who is the party receiving the helment
--A plastic hook thingy
5) What is this?
--A cycling-specific coffee filter
--A moisture-wicking brimless cycling cap for people with tiny heads
--A cat diaper
--A bag for your nuts
(David Byrne: The Janet Yellen of Gentrification)
6) David Byrne says everyone should move to:
("The Biktrix Juggernaut must be stopped!")
7) What is a "Biktrix Juggernaut?"
--An electric fat bike
--A Lollapalooza-like tour featuring artistic cycling, BMX stunts, and the gravity-defying bicycle stylings of Danny MacAskill
--The media's term for the cultural phenomenon of young over-educated white people flocking to Des Moines
--The media's term for former New York City Department of Transportation Commissioner Janet Sadik-Khan
***Special Theft Prevention-Themed Bonus Video!***