BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

So yesterday I was flipping through an actual paper newspaper and I came across this New York Times "Style" feature on the phenomenon of non-bikey bikey clothes:

(Obviously this is the digital version, I saved the analog version to stuff in my Sidis when they get wet.)

The movement in the United States signifies a big shift from a decade ago, before bike lanes spread like kudzu in cities across the country. In those days, big-city cycling was generally a commando affair for bike messengers and other urban warriors. No wonder safety gear tended to be drably utilitarian in spirit, like military armor. Now that pedal-pushing professionals, many of them style-conscious women, are gliding down the streets, a next-generation biker wardrobe seems overdue.

Ordinarily I might scoff at this sort of froofiness, but after weeks of reading about cyclists terrorizing Central Park and drivers running over pretty much everybody I was actually relieved to read something about bikes that was utterly non-controversial--not to mention it's the "Style" section so what do you expect?  Also, my wife was looking over my shoulder and announced she wants this red "riding dress," but she's gonna have to fight me for it because it would look absolutely smashing on me:

"Rowr!," I growled at her, miming cat's claws as I shielded the paper from her view.

I would also totally wear this "Lightning Vest" with nothing else:

Though the "bespoke bike whistle" linked to in the article may be going a bit too far:

The technology is based on Acme’s Tornado whistle, engineered through the principle of wave interference – meaning it can produce a highpitched, high volume sound without the need for any moving parts. The shape of the whistle also prevents it from being pushed into the wearer’s mouth in case of a fall. The nylon neckband comes tied with a safety break free knot. It sits securely around your neck but if you pull it off with a quick snap, the knot will break.

I'd like to know the last time a cyclist either choked to death on a whistle, was inadvertently hanged by the lanyard from which it dangled, or both.  I'm also sure that, were a cyclist to actually die this way, the media would still go out of their way to point out whether or not he or she was wearing a helment.

Furthermore, you wouldn't think anybody would still need instructions on how to use a whistle, and you also wouldn't think those instructions would sound so lurid:

Blow softly for a gentle alert or hard for a loud warning. Keep it around your neck at all times and leave it resting on your lip when traveling through a particularly busy area.

It's simultaneously phallic and also evocative of that Star Wars guy's head tentacle:

(He rests it on his lip when traveling through a particularly busy area.)

Another product I learned about from the article was this "CitySeat" artisanal bike share bike seat cover:

I think they'll sell a million of these things if they start a rumor that Citi Bikes spread Ebola and that the CitySeat is your only defense.  Yes, everybody is freaking out that a guy in New York City now has Ebola, and while I hate to recycle my own Tweets this one encapsulates my feelings on the situation:

Dear Paranoid New Yorkers: The doctor with Ebola was HELPING PEOPLE WITH EBOLA. You don't help anybody with shit, you'll be just fine.
— Bike Snob NYC (@bikesnobnyc) October 24, 2014

Nevertheless, everybody's obsessed with where Dr. Ebola has been over the last few days:

The High Line?  Bowling in Williamsburg?  Jogging?  All in the same week?!?  I had no idea anybody in New York City actually lived this way, I thought that was only in rom-coms.

In any case, it says a lot about people that, instead of saying "Wow, I hope the doctor who risked his own life to help people will recover!," they're instead worrying that they caught Ebola off a subway pole like a bunch of idiots.

Get over it.  Basically, if you went to any of the places above and rubbed your faces in any puddles of vomit or diarrhea--or maybe you went bowling at The Gutter in Williamsburg that night and then blew this guy in the bathroom--you should be very concerned.  Otherwise, worry about something that's actually pretty likely to kill you in New York City.  You know, like a car:

But that would require common sense.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right that's nice, and if you're wrong you'll hear Dracula sing the "Cyclist's Anthem."

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and don't use that bowling ball or CitiBike if it's smeared with puke, blood, or crap.


--Wildcat Rock Machine

("A new car!!!")

1)How much to run down a cyclist with your SUV in New York City?

--$2,500
--$1,000
--$250
--$100

2) If you announce your intentions beforehand and then run down a cyclist with your SUV in New York City, you will get in real trouble, because it proves premeditation.

--True
--False

3) The key to immortality is:

--Riding between 75-200 miles per week
--Regular blood transfusions
--Being a retrogrouch
--Hot-tubbing with Steve Guttenberg

4) The 2015 Tour de France route was unveiled this week.  Which is this year's route map?

--This one:

--This one:

--This one:

--This one:

("No Fondo for you.")

5) In banning Lance Armstrong from the Hincapie Gran Fondo, USA Cylcling is now one step closer to also claiming authority over the discipline of "Cat 6" racing.

--True
--False

(The boys enjoying Hincapie's "platinum package.")

6) Which of the following is not included in the $10,000 Hincapie Gran Fondo "Platinum Package?"

--Helicopter from airport
--Security team
--A Lexus
--Special one-on-one opportunity to give Tom Danielson "the finger"

("Wanna trade?")

7) Trading eyes is a good way to get Ebola.

--True
--False

***Special "A Bicycle?!?  That's Political Suicide!"--Themed Bonus Video***