Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Wednesday!

As the years go by I think more and more about my own mortality.  The subject of my inevitable demise is tremendously important to everybody in the world, because I'm a solipsist and when I cease to exist so do you.  In any case, this morning the following article caught my eye, and I'm not reproducing the accompanying images because they're fucking creepy:


I didn't have the patience to actually read it carefully because life's too damn short to attempt to understand science stuff, but basically what I gleaned from it is that if you surround yourself with stuff from your heyday you can retard [*snorfle*] the aging process or something.  Specifically, they herded up a bunch of doddering old people and had them spend a few days in an environment that replicated their heyday, and when they emerged again they were all spry and stuff:

At the end of their stay, the men were tested again. On several measures, they outperformed a control group that came earlier to the monastery but didn’t imagine themselves back into the skin of their younger selves, though they were encouraged to reminisce. They were suppler, showed greater manual dexterity and sat taller — just as Langer had guessed. Perhaps most improbable, their sight improved. Independent judges said they looked younger. The experimental subjects, Langer told me, had “put their mind in an earlier time,” and their bodies went along for the ride.

That's some "Cocoon" shit right there:


"So what does this have to do with cycling?," the slow-witted among you may be asking.  Oh, only that crabon will kill you and being a retrogrouch may be the key to immortality, that's all.  It's science!

Here's a little experiment: take Cyclist A and Cyclist B.  At around the time he hit middle age, Cyclist A said in an old-timey accent, "Index shifting, plastic saddles, and non-ferrous bicycle frames is for 'da boids."  Well guess what?  Cyclist A is 99 years old now and he's jamming up those hills on his Dick Power like a man one-quarter his age.   Don't believe me?  I seen it for meself, I tells ya!  Check him out, he's the guy in red:


He was 89 years old when he did his first L'Eroica in 2004, and now look at him!

Now let's take a look at Cyclist B.  On paper, he's the same age as Cyclist A.  However, instead of forsaking useless technological bicycle "innovation," he tried to keep up and remain on the cutting-edge--crabon frames, electronic shifting, Strava, you name it.  Here he is today:



A cautionary tale if there ever was one.

So disembark from the Upgrade Express before it's too late.  (Though in the above Fred's case I'm sure all those drugs didn't help.  And yes he took drugs.)

Speaking of aging Freds, this weekend George Hincapie is hosting the most heavily-rationalized Gran Fondo of all time:


This is a big deal because, as everybody knows, cycling is totally clean now.  So what happens when the squeaky-clean kiddies mingle with the dirty old men?  Will they be corrupted?  Well, obviously the answer is "They already have been," since the dirty old men run the teams now and the riders continue to take drugs.  Nevertheless, the media has to pretend this is a big deal by making everybody explain themselves:

VeloNews reached out to several of those pros, past and present, who are participating, for comment.

Most, including Armstrong and Hincapie, addressed their involvement with event, either via email, phone, or in person, while a few — Vande Velde and Livingston — did not.

Some addressed the inherent awkwardness of the reunion, others did not.

Their replies follow below.

Suffice to say the rest reads like a bunch of dieters explaining to you at great length why they're going to treat themselves to that slice of birthday cake.

Meanwhile, the Tour de France route for 2015 has been unveiled, and--SURPRISE!--they're riding through France again:


The above map is actually the Tour de France route from like two years ago, but honestly what's the difference?  You know the deal: mountains, sprint stages, a finish in Paris, yadda yadda.  Even the riders are sleepwalking through the whole thing at this point.  For example, Cadel Evans was at the presentation, having completely lost track of the fact that he's retiring in February:


("I feel like I'm forgetting something...")

Soon though he shook the nagging sensation he didn't need to be there and was back to his old tricks:


Being a semi-professional bike blogger, I launched my Rupert Murdoch phone-hacking app to find out what they were looking at:


Unsurprisingly, Mark Cavendish was nonplussed:


And it would be hours before Vincenzo Nibali realized that Jean-Christophe Péraud had superglued his finger to his face:


So yeah, the whole gang is off to France again, where the mountains are mountainous, the Freds are Frédérics, and the meat is tainted.

Oh, here's some news for you: Remember DU/ER, the action pants for restless metrosexual d-bags who lie in wait in a squatting position so they can go doody on other men's heads?


Well, not only have they received lots of press coverage:



But they also sent this smug email:


I thought you would be interested to know that we are in the final 6 days of our DU/ER Performance Denim Kickstarter campaign. Having raised 25,000 in just 5 days, we now have exceeded to $42,000! Some key elements of DU/ER performance denim is the quick dry, temperature control and is 30% lighter and stronger than traditional denim and proven to have 5 times the strength then the Levi's commuter jean. We would love for you to be able to experience our denim for yourself. Please contact us to experience DU/ER denim. You can also check out our Kickstarter campaign by following this link: http://bit.ly/Duerdenim

If you have any questions please feel to contact me at your earliest convenience. 

No thanks.  I don't want to experience DU/ER denim.  My fear is that if I experience the denim then copies of "Details" magazine will start appearing in my mailbox and I'll have to start shopping for a Range Rover.

Lastly, further to yesterday's post about bridges, a reader tells me that officials are considering charging pedestrians and cyclists to cross the Golden Gate Bridge:

On Friday, Highway and Transportation District directors said they are considering charging a toll for bicyclists and pedestrians to cross the Golden Gate Bridge.

The sidewalk tolls would be part of a plan to eliminate $32.9 million over the next five years and would start charging in July 2017.

If this toll were to go into effect it would set a dangerous precedent, for it wouldn't be long before the idea of a "Fred Tax" would sweep the nation--and if they charge by the axle we'll all have to ride unicycles.

106 comments:

Anonymous said...

SCROTIUM!!!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Podio!

CommentatorBOT9000 said...

First-ish?

Bryan Bracy said...

top tenis

hammershlock said...

pears are disgusting

Anonymous said...

Je suis dans le premier dix

yippee said...

yippee

Anonymous said...

Would have been sooner but…boobs

Anonymous said...

top 10
wle

3G said...

PETA BOOB

Anonymous said...

KOM

Vernal Magina said...

Side boob.

RB1 said...

what about non-ferrous wheels ? sorry.

crosspalms said...

Sorry, didn't see anyone in red in that first photo. What am I looking for again?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Thanks for keeping us abreast of the latest goings on at the tour.

McFly said...

Let he among us who has not outperformed a control group that came earlier cast the first wad.

Anonymous said...

Toppus Twentieth - ish

Freddy Murcks said...

I'm have been described as a "young fogey" because of my love for old timey things (like metallic bicycle frames, I guess) and my general retrogrouchiness. Who do thunk that starting to act like a crotchety old man in my 20s and 30s would be the thing that keeps me feeling and acting young into old age. It's almost like a paradox.

Comment deleted said...

Charging pedestrians by the axle is going to be difficult.

Freddy Murcks said...

By the way, Snob, I have to agree that the images in that NYT article were creepy. But not quite as creepy as the surfeit of fat Eddy Merckx photos afloat on the internet.

Anonymous said...

Underboob

Comment deleted said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

vsk said ...


Top 25 - Now to read . . .

vsk

trama said...

@commentdeleted

-by the ankle

ken e. said...

SUPR FRED

dnk said...

I work at a non-profit. We've got a website. On our website, we've got "recent press coverage" --- you know, links to articles about us, etc.

I mention that to say that it's surprising that DU/ER doesn't actually provide links (only logos) to the press coverage they're bragging about.

Maybe because that's because the coverage is negative?

But what do I know about selling performance denim (or anything for that matter)? I work for a non-profit.

Bama Phred said...

The Cannonball is looking good, I guess.
How do I get ASS to appear on my smartphone screen
And the cycling news links gave my smartphone an error message
Enough grouchy old man whining to satisfy for a study subject? I get locked up with Peta Todd clones and see how long I survive.

P. Bateman said...

so if i'm reading this right, and i'm sure i am:

Doctor Snobs suggests the key to long "supple" life is to cocoon myself in with things from my hay day - like my hay, my nintendo 64 with zelda ocarina of time, fifa and also golden eye, some mushrooms, some beer, a few 22 year olds blondes and maybe my chainsaw (i have a fancy chainsaw and i like it - okay?). what else would i need? oh, snacks. gonna need snacks.

this actually doesnt sound like a bad weekend plan. where can i get 22 year olds? i'm open to suggestions.

Anonymous said...

I just noticed that Cav's bird has a nice rack.

Comment deleted said...

P.Bateman -- two year-olds are not hard to find, but getting twenty of 'em might prove tricky.

Anonymous said...

Skirt + Fuck Me Boots = Boner

P. Bateman said...

@commentdeleted

hahaha. well played sir/madaam

P. Bateman said...

@commentdeleted

hahaha. well played sir/madaam

Anonymous said...

I have a 1976 l'Eroica style bike and a newer plastic model. Both are fun to ride, but I prefer the older one. It's more fun to ride because it is a little tougher (friction shifters, less gears, etc). I like to imagine myself a hard man of old when I'm riding it, although in reality I'm a soft man of now.

The King of Park Slope said...

Is metrosexual still a thing?

grog said...

Trouble with wearing jeans on the bike is the heavy seam at the scranus. These new DU/ER pants still have a heavy seam at the scranus.
FAIL
Today I saw a lovely pair of Recumbabes.
WIN

Anonymous said...

I had sex with a Metro. Nice and tight.

Blog Drafter said...

The body and the mind are not separate, they're the same thing. If the mind is engaged in pleasant memories it follows that there will be a positive bodily aspect to that. The primary human experience is one of dissonance, as we imagine that there's a mind "out there" when in fact it's always "in here". THEREFORE, and to wit:

Scranus

and also,

PANTIES!!

Regular guy said...

Wow, I started smelling cologne magazine inserts when the subject turned to Doo,err jeans.

Looks as if Cadel prefers melons to apples.

Anonymous said...

Q: What's Peta doing with her hands?

A) Covering a tattoo

B) Wiping off jizz

C) Trying not to touch her vajayjay

Anonymous said...

vsk said...

Try shifting a Cambio-corsa setup with a decent sized belly. You will either have to be young to start with, or die of heart attack or a fall. In which case it won't matter.

vsk

Euro Spondee said...

Coffee nearly came out of my nose reading "my Rupert Murdoch phone-hacking app". You just know the dirty digger would totally be doing that if he could monetise it.

bieks! said...

If you ride a tandem across the GG, will you get an HOV discount?

JB said...

Peta's hands? What are you looking at?

Bama Phred said...

A Wikipedia excerpt of Pee-ta
"In 2008, she cycled 400 miles (640 km) in 5 days raising over £3,000 through sponsorship and a further £4,000 by auctioning her bicycle and cycling shorts"

babble on said...

OMG, you've gotta love that girl... she's quite simply divine!

And simple is as simple does, so you know
I love thie simple things in life...

Freddy Murcks said...

Bama - that's quite funny about Miss Todd and her bike shorts. I am going to assume that she auctioned them unwashed?

Freddy Murcks said...

Re: Miss Todd's cycling shorts. Even though the Wikipedia page doesn't specify, I would be very curious to know the cost differential between the auction of the bike and the bike shorts. Or perhaps they were auctioned as a package, which is inherently less interesting but possible.

Bama Phred said...

Why does the squatting DU/ER guy remind me of on-stage GG Allin?

Anonymous said...

I'm certain a sniff of Miss Todd's chamois grool would be worth $20.00/sniff, or millions of Dong.

Anonymous said...

*takes deep breath*

Someone made a solid investment.

Dick Power said...

Keep it on the sunnyside yo!

Anonymous said...

Dark Day in Sunnyside.

vsk

Anonymous said...

I can help the Golden Gate people to eliminate $32.9 million. Just send it to my PO box and I can do it in 1 or 2 years.
Does Pete Todd have another pair of shorts to sell?

Bama Phred said...

Freddy M
I figure she auctioned the saddle and shorts, and threw in the bike for grins. All I could think about was Jethro Tull "Aqualung Guy" wearing them on his head.

Ma Ma Re said...

Peta 2 dd's

Regular guy said...

Marcel Kittel is thinking "how many more sprints do I need to win to get something like that?"

West Coast Wannabe said...

According to Babs, Vancouver already has unicycle lanes on it's bridges, and there's photographic proof as well.

Peter G said...

I scratched my scranus in Scranton while scrimmaging scrumptious screaming skanks for scrimshaw scraps .

Chas Addams said...

Wednesday!

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr05/2013/6/27/18/enhanced-buzz-17372-1372371677-9.jpg

Seems to fit Mr. Snobs outlook...

1st Mate Starbuck said...

Is this what you are talking about?

http://www.cmstatic1.com/137265/137265.450535.jpg

http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/tettie/20876288/1661185/1661185_original.jpg

http://www.scrimshander.com/images/Matchingnudes37cc.JPG

http://www.sidryan2.com/uploads/DSC_0061_opt.jpg

…and one last one for the penny farthing set:

https://www.nantucketchronicle.com/sites/default/files/images/articles/61/two_lady_scrimshaw.jpeg

Anonymous said...

Uniqlo sells stretchy jeans (aka JEGGINGS) for $20:
http://www.uniqlo.com/us/product/men-stretch-slim-fit-tapered-jeans-130684.html#67|/men/featured/two-year-anniversary-promotions/bottoms/|

Flyover BC said...

Than, then? I guess it's all the same I you pronounce it the same.

McFly said...

C'mon guys it's almost 2015. If this hick can execute a hyperlink I know youz guyz can.

McFly said...

I think the answer is B.....she is wiping off some Cav Salve.

semi serious cyclist said...

Does it need to be more apparent? Friction shifting keeps riders sprightly. Wrinkled like Yoda, bearded like Obi-Wan, nimble like Luke. the friction freds keep on rolling.

bad boy of the north said...

it's not bridge tolls....it's bridge trolls....

Anonymous said...

I had something import a to say but my phone erased it

Fred Flea said...

Your mouth was made to suck my scranus

babble on said...

Do we have any idea what Ms ToDD's shorts earned at auction?

Enquiring minds want to know!

Anonymous said...

If you like your friction shifters

Anonymous said...

Taint meat it's taint

Titular Character said...

Babs, I'm sure anyone keeping abreast of the situation will let you know.

Anonymous said...

What if the only thing you did in your youth was WEED

Stuart said...

I too want to see the 89 year old in red in that picture. All I see is a little blond-haired girl in orange on a small bicycle.

Anonymous said...

FrEDDY Merck

Peter G said...

Ist mate.....

Scrimshaw skanks....yes, MY GOD! YES!

719

Unknown said...

Snob, I thought you would want to know about this amazing opportunity on Seattle's craigslist:

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/bik/4727658083.html

McFly said...

Poor Lance cannot even ride his bike for recreational purposes without being sanctionized by the USADA.

Neophyte said...

"C'mon guys it's almost 2015. If this hick can execute a hyperlink I know youz guyz can."

Testing testing check check

NeophyteToo said...

One last test

Neophyte^3 said...

Last
test minus 1.

Anonymous said...

Lifetime banfondo

Anonymous said...

https://www.facebook.com/jose.henriquez.9634

Also he works at Maspeth Roofing (as per Gothamist) if you want to give them a call too - maybe with enough hassling they'll fire this piece of shit.

Disgusting cunt shouldn't breed.

pakar seo said...

Great article, I am happy to visit this website :)

Anonymous said...

good
Obat Ambeien Tradisional Buat Ibu Menyusui
Obat Ambeien Buat Ibu Menyusui
pengobatan Ambeien Tradisional Buat Ibu Menyusui
Obat Ambeyen Tradisional Buat Ibu Menyusui
Obat Ambeien Tradisional Ibu Menyusui
obat ambeien alami buat ibu menyusui
pengobatan ambeien alami buat ibu menyusui
obat ambeien buat ibu menyusui
obat ambeien tradisional buat ibu menyusui
obat ambeien herbal buat ibu menyusui
kumpulan obat ambeien buat ibu menyusui
kumpulan obat ambeien ibu menyusui
kumpulan pengobatan ambeien buat ibu menyusui
kumpulan obat ambeien alami buat ibu menyusui
kumpulan obat ambeien ibu menyusui
Resep Obat Ambeien Buat Ibu Menyusui
Resep Obat Ambeien Ibu Menyusui
Obat Ambeien Buat Ibu Menyusui
Resep Obat Ambeyen Buat Ibu Menyusui
Resep Obat Ambeien alami Ibu Menyusui
Artikel Obat Ambeien Buat Ibu Menyusui
Artikel Obat ampuh Ambeien Buat Ibu Menyusui
Artikel Obat alami Ambeien Buat Ibu Menyusui
Artikel Obat tradisional Ambeien Buat Ibu Menyusui
Artikel Obat Ambeien Ibu Menyusui
cari obat ambeien buat ibu menyusui
cari obat ambeien ibu menyusui
obat ambeien buat ibu menyusui
cari pengobatan ambeien buat ibu menyusui
cari obat ambeien alami buat ibu menyusui
kumpulan obat manjur buat ambeien parah
kumpulan pengobatan manjur buat ambeien parah
kumpulan obat buat ambeien parah
kumpulan pengobatan manjur buat ambeien parah
kumpulan obat alami buat ambeien parah
obat manjur buat ambeien parah
pengobatan manjur buat ambeien parah
obat buat ambeien parah
obat manjur buat ambeyen parah
obat alami manjur buat ambeien parah
cari obat manjur buat ambeien parah
cari pengobatan manjur buat ambeien parah
cari obat buat ambeien parah
cari obat manjur ampuh buat ambeien parah
cari obat manjur buat ambeien

ramuan herbal said...

good article. thank's
Cara Ampuh Mengobati Kemaluan Keluar Nanah
Cara Yang Ampuh Mengobati Kemaluan Keluar Nanah
Cara Ampuh Buat Mengobati Kemaluan Keluar Nanah
Cara Ampuh Untuk Mengobati Kemaluan Keluar Nanah
Cara Ampuh Mengobati Kemaluan Keluar Cairan Nanah

Syaiful tenun said...

very amazing post, I like It, Thank you for presenting a wide variety of information that is very interesting to see in this artikle, good job adnd succes For you

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa

biro wisata karimunjawa


Link Anyar
furniture jepara

mebel jepara

kain tenun

toko mebel jepara

kursi jati

furniture anak

aneka tempat tidur

harga sofa ruang tamu

toko furniture jepara

harga meja makan

sofa ruang tamu

mebel jepara online

toko furniture jati

toko kain tenun

kain tenun

sangkar burung

toko tenun ikat

kata kata said...

Thank you for the information you have provided, I was pleased to read the article in this blog.
Visit also my blog ;
Kata Kata Cinta
Kata Kata Mutiara
Kata Kata cinta jarak jauh
Kata Kata Mutiara Cinta
GambarLucu
Gambar Naruto
Wallpaper Keren Lionel Messi
and many other interesting articles on my blog that.

Sulung said...

Great Blogs.

manfaat Buah mangga
foto lucu
Masker bengkoang
masker putih telur
cara mengecilkan perut
cara mengecilkan paha
Aplikasi Antivirus Android
kata kata bijak
kata kata cinta
foto 3d keren
kata ucapapan tahun baru 2016

Joel said...

Nice Post!!
Isis Adalah

Isis VS Rusia

Misteri Gunung Merapi

Aditya said...

i like this post, thank you for sharing

kata kata galau

Anonymous said...

good
Cara mengobati wasir ambeien
Cara alami mengobati wasir
Cara ampuh mengobati wasir
Cara herbal mengobati wasir
Cara Ampuh Mengobati Wasir Ambeien
Cara Ampuh Mengobati Sakit Wasir
Cara Ampuh Mengobati Penyakit Wasir
Cara Herbal Ampuh Mengobati Wasir
Cara Aman Mengobati Wasir Ambeien
Cara Aman Mengobati Ambeien Wasir
Cara Paling Aman Mengobati Wasir
Cara Yang Aman Mengobati Wasir
Cara Alami Mengobati Wasir Ambeien
Cara Alami Mengobati Ambeien Wasir
Cara Yang Alami Mengobati Wasir
Cara Alami Untuk Mengobati Wasir
obat sipilis alami manjur
obat sipilis alami ampuh
obat sipilis alami mujarab
obat sipilis alami tradisional
Obat Sipilis Alami yang di Apotik
Obat Sipilis Alami ada di Apotik
Pengobatan Sipilis Alami di Apotik
Obat Sipilis Alami yang ada di Apotik
Jual Obat Sipilis Yang Alami
Jual Obat Sipilis Alami Ampuh
Jual Obat Sipilis Alami Mujarab
Jual Obat Sipilis Alami Tradisional
Obat Sipilis Raja Singa Alami Ampuh
Obat Sipilis Raja Singa Alami Tradisional
Pengobatan Sipilis Raja Singa Alami
Obat Sipilis Raja Singa Yang Alami
obat keluar nanah dari kemaluan wanita
keluar nanah di kemaluan wanita
keluar nanah kemaluan wanita
keluar nanah dari kelamin wanita
Penyakit Keluar Nanah di Kemaluan Wanita
Penyakit Keluar Nanah Kemaluan Wanita
Penyakit Keluar Nanah dari Kemaluan
Penyakit Keluar Nanah dari Kelamin Wanita
Obat Ambeien Berdarah Tanpa Operasi
Obat untuk Ambeien Berdarah
Obat untuk Ambeien Berdarah Tanpa Harus Operasi
Pengobatan untuk Ambeien Berdarah Tanpa Operasi
Jual Obat untuk Ambeyen Berdarah
Jual Obat Ambeien Berdarah
Jual Obat untuk Sakit Ambeien Berdarah
Jual Obat untuk Ambeien yang Berdarah

Aditya Pramudya said...

Misteri Stonehenge

bisnis kecil said...

Jalan-jalan naik sepeda angin memang asyik :)

Franchise Minuman said...

A pleasant trip to fill your day. Good for you.

Stella said...

You have a lot of energy and time wrote this down!

Aditya Pramudya said...

You have a lot of energy and time wrote this down!

Carica

Shabrina Choirunnisa said...


nice article guys
visit too:
KONVEKSI KAOS SURABAYA
JASA KONVEKSI SURABAYA
PRODUKSI JAKET SURABAYA
Pesan Kaos Promosi
Souvenir Promosi Surabaya Online
Souvenir Promosi Murah Surabaya

konveksi surabaya said...

nice share guys, its very helpfull ...PESAN KAOS ONLINE

Kopi Luwak said...

You have a lot of energy and time wrote this down!

Tempat terindah di dunia said...

nice share guys, its very helpfull

Cara Melupakan Mantan said...

nice share guys

Jual carica said...

nice share

Anak Jalanan said...

I am going to assume that she auctioned them unwashed?

Nico Andriyan said...

yess this article so very usefull

rumah dijual tuban

informasi rumah dijual di tuban