Friday, August 15, 2014

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz and Out-Of-Office Announcement!

As I've mentioned repeatedly, I'm headed out to Steamboat Springs, Colorado for the IMBA "World Smit:"


If you're unfamiliar with IMBA, they're a boutique company who make custom decals for Subarus.


This means that after today I won't be posting again until Monday, August 25th, at which point I will return to relate my experiences to you:


I can't promise that there won't be an additional small break after that so I can dump the last few shovelfuls of dirt over summer's coffin, but then again I can't promise that there will be, either.

Read that last sentence again and it still won't make any sense.

Also, if you're wondering why today's the last post when the Smit doesn't start until Wednesday the 20th, please bear in mind that I currently look like this:


So I'm looking at some serious barber time before they'll even let me through security at the airport, which is to say nothing of pulling together a decent wardrobe and all the rest of it.

I'll also be riding a bike in Colorado at some point, so I'd better find a pair of shorts that aren't worn to transparency.

This is the point where you remind me again that I'm sure to die from the altitude.

Honestly, my only hope at this point is that IMBA sees what I look like these days, realizes they made a huge mistake, and rescinds their invitation.

In the meantime, let's all join hands, close our eyes, and send our good vibes to Mario Cipollini, who has been hit by a car:


According to La Gazzetta dello Sport the retired rider, who was the world’s top sprinter for many years, was taken to hospital in Lucca after a car hit him while he was on his bike. The driver was turning and didn’t see the rider, who reportedly has injuries to his knee and the quadriceps tendon.

Uh, the driver didn't see him?  That is utterly ridiculous.  How the hell do you not see The Cipollini?


The silver lining in all of this is that the article calls it a "training accident," which can only mean that Cipollini is mounting yet another comeback, though given his English that could also be a simple misunderstanding:


("I want to mount, then come on back.  What hotel you stay?")

Either way, Cipollini has been placed in bed restraints after pinching the hospital staff, which is perfectly fine with Cipo because he's "into that."

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you're better than everyone else, and if you're wrong you'll see inspiration.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and see you on Monday, August 25th!


--Wildcat Rock Machine










(The Cervélo Douche)

1) Which is not an actual quote from the Cervélo Douche?

--"I do a meditation. I can do up to one hour. I come out of it feeling high. It affects all the chemicals of your brain, from the endorphins to the serotonin. I have a fireplace."
--"I take my car to go to the bagel shop. I take the Ferrari. I get a rush a little bit, zero to 60. When you are doing it in three and a half seconds, I love that. This happens around 8:30ish."
--"After that I usually like to go on a bike ride. It’s a Cervélo, light and cool."
--"To beat the traffic I head back into town at midnight.  Ferrari again, Cervélo on the trunk rack.  The sound of the V12 in the Midtown Tunnel hardens my nipples.  Emerging in Manhattan, I cruise down 2nd Avenue, throwing stale Hamptons bagels at the homeless."






2) The crux of Washington Post columnist Courtland Milloy's latest anti-bike argument seems to be that people should not be allowed to ride them because he is an idiot.

--True
--False





3) What is Courtland Milloy wearing?

--A "Fly6 Bro"
--A "GoPro Manssiere"
--A "Polaroid Girdle"
--Surgical scrubs and a pacemaker






4) What is this?

--A 1960 Campagnolo saddle alignment tool
--A Park Tool FAG-2 frame alignment gauge
--A 1990 Cipollini genital alignment tool
--A late 19th century pennyfarthing wheel truing gauge






(Dick break technology has trickled down.  Way down.)

5) Disc brake rotors are:

--"...like circular saw blades of death."
--"...like spinning knives that have been heated in a 500-degree oven."
--"...like searing hot pie plates of Hades."
--"...like Blackie Lawless's codpiece."





6) Bicycle proctology can be very lucrative.

--True
--False




(Cyclist being ticketed for wearing a tank top that is too "mimey.")

7) The NYPD's latest bike crackdown is called:

--"Operation Safe Cycle"
--"Operation Spin Cycle"
--"Operation Top Tube Pad"
--"Operation F.R.E.D." (Frisk, Reprimand, Educate, and Deride.)



***Special Dutchies Rubbing Your Nose In It-Themed Bonus Video!***


"THEIR NOT WEARING HELMENTS THEIR ALL GOING TO DIE!!!"
--An American

511 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   401 – 511 of 511
Comment deleted said...

CCCC

JLRB said...

400

Comment deleted said...

I, that is.

Spokey said...

congrats CP

good sprint gentlepeople

JLRB said...

congrats crosspalms

crosspalms said...

Thanks! My trusty white lunchbag comes through.

Spokey said...

that does it. the crit bike comes off the ceiling hooks.

for now, have to drown my sorrows in some java

JLRB said...

Bicycle Cycling Tyre Tire Multi-use Repair tool set Pump Kits Bag Glue Patch

JLRB said...

never before has such a combination of cheap goods had such a long name <a href = "http://www.ebay.com/itm/161041061212?_trksid=p11401.c100087.m2374&_trkparms=aid%3D333001%26algo%3DRIC.FIT%26ao%3D1%26asc%3D20140325094018%26meid%3D73e03393da78434393eec562b6ef7648%26pid%3D100087%26prg%3D20140325094018%26rk%3D4%26rkt%3D4%26sd%3D191288527881&ssPageName=ADME:L:OU:US:3160> Bicycle Cycling Tyre Tire Multi-use Repair tool set Pump Kits Bag Glue Patch </a>

JLRB said...

Try again -never before has such a combination of cheap goods had such a long name Bicycle Cycling Tyre Tire Multi-use Repair tool set Pump Kits Bag Glue Patch

babble on said...

Woo hooo! Page three...
shouldn't there be some boobies around here somewhere?

babble on said...

JLRB - it was prolly listed by someone familiar with this particular internet locale.

Anonymous said...

Well done, Crosspalms. Must be a slow afternoon at work.
That Chicago Fire thing sounds kinda interesting. I'll ask the Mrs. if she'd like to go.
That was indeed a good comment and there have been many this week, but the one that got me blowing coffee out the nose was Fred de la mer's circumcision comment a few days ago. I'm too lazy to go back for day and time.

crosspalms said...

JLRB,
There's some nice spondee at the end there, but I think they're missing a syllable (and an ingredient). I'd make it Bicycle Cycling Tyre Tire Multi-use Repair tool set Pump Kits Bag Glue Patch Tin.

Freddy Murcks said...

Babble On said: Woo hooo! Page three... shouldn't there be some boobies around here somewhere?


Babble - I am sure that you have a well placed set of boobies at your disposal. If you want boobies here, you are welcome to flash yours anytime you want.

Spokey said...

yeah babs

step up so to speak

boobies woo-hoo

Anonymous said...

http://wowthatscool.com/-peachykeen/the-least-photogenic-animals-youll-ever-see/am-i-doing-this-right

The Seal Approves!

(Plutarco)

Captain Oblivious said...

woo-hoo shoot for the quint-podi

Captain Oblivious said...

woo-hoo shoot for the quint-podi

Captain Oblivious said...

woo-hoo shoot for the quint-podi

Captain Oblivious said...

woo-hoo shoot for the quint-podi

McFly said...

Kid-free in 5....4.....3.....2.......

I think the boobies are about to come out my friends.

Holly Lobber said...

fhsyhs planloe

caged MonkeyMan(person)(entity) said...

.
.
.
. O O

hoo hoo said...

penis

penis said...

scranus

scranus said...

pudenda

pudenda said...

oh scranus, you're so fuckin posh talking potty-mouth in latin

Pudendum said...

Shame!

genitalia said...

reminds me of the merger betwixt general motors, el al, and alitalia

Genitalia said...

Repudiate us!

almighty Lob said...

repent you hipsters and fixie riders

pecker said...

dickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdidkdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick (look at your qwerty board...dick is perfect for hunt & pecxker typists dickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick

dick said...

dickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick
all work and no play makes dick a dull boy

Anonymous said...

latin is a beautiful thing, hearing a brainy person declinate such (if that's even a word) more so, and if you happen to be in the bathtub with that person?

content is over rated said...

[io0ajdr'gpmfv'b;lksujghk's;dohks;dlhks';dlhks;dlghk';lskdgh';lksdah;lksdgh';lksggh';lksdfgh';lksdf'gh;lksdgh';lksdfgh';lksdfgh';lskdfgh';lskgh';lksdfgh';lksdfgh';lksfgh';lksfgh';lksfdgh';lksdgh';lksfdgh';lskdfgh';lskdfgh';lskdgh';lskdfgh';lskdghgty]'lksfgh;'lksfgh';lksdfgh';lskdfgh';lksdfgh';lksdfgh';lksfgh';lksfgh';lkhtyre24952094356=-029356=-0256-=0923456=-0294356-=--0234956=-03456-6=-034596=-03456=-034956=-039456=-039456-6=-340596-=340569=-5496-6=-450693=-45-=349056=-0923456=-093456=-09456poi23456;'l3456';lk32456;'lk3456;lkj456;lk3456';lk3456';l3456';l3456';lk3456';lkk3456';lk3456';lk3456';lk3456';l3456';l3k456';lk3456';l3456';lk23456;'lk3456';lk3456';lk3456';lk3456;'l3k456';lk32456';lk3456';lk3467';lk456';lk7';lk3657';lk3467';lk456';l3k4567';l34k56';lk6345;lk3456;lk3456';lk3456';lk3456';kl3456;l3k456';l34k56';l345k6;l34k56';3l45k6;'3l45k6';l34k56;'l3k456;'l34k56';l345k6';l3456;l3456';l3k456';l3k456';34k56';l3456;l3k456';l3456';l3k456;'l34k56;'lk3456';lk3456;'lk3456';l3k456';lk3456';lk3456'k;l3456';lk3456;'lk3456';lk3456';l3k456';kl3k456;okl3456';l3k456';l3k456;l'k3456';l3k456';l3456';lk3456;kl3456;l3k456';l3k456';lk3k456;'kl3456';3l456;'lk3456';l34k56;l'3k456';l34k56;l'3k456';l3k456;lk3456;'lk3456';lk3456';lk3456';lk3456';lk3456;lk345';6lk345;6lk345';6lk3456;lk345';6lk3456';lk3456;lk3456';lk3456';lk3456';l3456';lk3456';lk3456k';l345;6lk345';6lk3456;lk3456[po345]po4569=34=6-0345=-6345063-;lkfghlkkjhdfglkjsdfglksjdfglksjdfg;lskdjfgs;ldfkgj;sldfkgjs;dflgkjsd;lgkjsdfgl;kjsdf;gljsdf;glskjdfg;lskdfjg;lsdjfg;lskdfjg;sldfkjg;sldfkgjsd;flgkjsd;flgkjsdf;lgkjsdf;glkjsdf;lgkjsdf;glkjsdfg;lkjsdfg;lkjsdfg;lkjsdfg;lkjsdfg;lkjsdf;glkjsdfg;lkjsdfg;lkjsdfg;lksjdfg;lskdjfg;lskdfjg;sldfkjgs;dlfkgjsd;flkgjsd;flfkgjsd;lgkjdsfg;lksdfjg;lkdfjfgl;sdfkgj;sdlfkgjsdf;lgjsdf;glsdjfg;lsdfjg;ldfgjl;sdfgjdf

Anonymous said...

sorry did i interrupt something?
sorry gotta go, because cbc1

-ken e

john finley said...

Nixon thought Greek was too chic, but he could get it down Pat in Latin

scranus said...

scranus

Colorado said...

This site will now be know as WEEDSNOBCO, puff, cough, pff, cough, hmppfff, ahhhhhhhhh

The Watcher said...

BCTTMRPKBGP is space alien equipment technology from Roswell. (Note brand name of item is just a thinly desguised ploy)

The Watcher said...

Re. JLRB @ 4:23, don't you see.

Holy Roller said...

You are all sinners or as a wise Roman cyclist once said, " Ab uno disce omnes". From one specimen judge all the rest. Repent now.

scranus said...

scranus

almighty Lob said...

hear ye

high priest Wildcat beseeched me to look in on y'all from time to time while he was token out west.

1 - I must say this b-log has become a mess. Children. Clean up after yourselves.

2 - Where are the boobies? babble, RQ, g-spot, frilly. Remember my eye stalks give me 360 vision so I don't miss much but I have missed any boobies.

So get crackin or it'll be a pot of boiling water for y'all

so sayeth your high lord and master

Anonymous said...

Almighty Lob
Us unrepentant have decided you need a clarified butter sitz bath.
And break out the hookah.
The divinity is supposed to look the other way on Saturday night.

dancesonpedals said...

And now for something completely different..

Inspired by this blog, I explored a part of the OCA (old croton aquaduct trail). Last April I road down the south county trailway from tarrytown to Yonkers, then crossed over to the OCA for the return trip north. WRM has blogged about untermyer gardens he described the lions and the sadistic mischief of son of sam in the devils cave.. but there's so much more history .Old man untermyer was the first lawyer in the US of A to cop a million dollar fee for a case, and he decorated lavishly, creating a Persian garden with all manner of statuary...the previous owner was Samuel Tilden, Governor of NY & in 1876 he became the second man to win the popular vote but lose the electoral college...he died at the mansion, called Greystone, a recluse.

Anonymous said...

DOP
Nice post
But i had to do a double take on "cop a million dollar fee"
'Cause I first read it as "cop a million dollar feel", due to the usual subject matter.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

Right?! Me, too! and speaking of which...

I've really missed Wreck beach this year, but the breast thing happened to me today on the Wheelmen's Vintage ride... It was only this afternoon, and yet already it has become the fondest of mammaries. :D

"Surely you chest!" you might be thinking, but I assure you it was double D-lightful.

dop said...

double D-lightful? Are you saying the surgeon who fixed your clavicle popped in a big pair of knockers while you were under the gas? Just because you're such a good girl?

caged MonkeyMan(person)(entity) said...

or does it mean that now you are sporting a quad rack?

babble on said...

LOL!! OMG I wish... Guess a guy could easily read it that way, and believe me, that's the only weight I would be happy to add to the mix Nah na nah. I MET a lovely young thing with a rather remarkable physique is all. But we made friends, so one day I will be well aquainted with them.

Hope all of you dooders out there in NorCal are alright after that big shake up this morning. xo xo

dnk said...

I scream castles in the air.

I've looked at clouds that way.

the way we were said...

mammaries, silly water color mammaries

Anonymous said...

I don't usually say this but, I'm looking forward to Monday.

Spokey said...

Monday, Monday, so good to me;
Monday morning, it was all I hoped it would be.

BamaPhred said...

Raining. Should have ridden at daylight.

Hoping for an epic Snob post Monday.

They call it Stormy Monday, and Tuesday's just as bad.

dop said...

I don't think snob is bringing us any presents...unless it's hotel soap again...

Fred of the Sea said...

Wednesday's worse, and Thursday's child has far to go-oh,oh

Tiffen McWinny said...

My chain is sort of rusty and it squeaks. Should I put some grease on it or should I just buy a new chain. One tire seems to be flatter than the other. Should I pump it up more harder than the other when I get around to pumping them up because then when they get soft again they should be equally soft.

dancesonpedals said...

that's what she said

dop said...

Wednesdays go so slow...

Thursday I don't know

I'VE GOT FRIDAY ON MY MIND!

Spokey said...

fred

you're kiddin. Right?

I mean Wednesday is hump day. We can all get behind that. Can't we?

Spokey said...

so what the fuck is going on?

snobbie said Monday, August 25th, at which point I will return to relate my experiences to you:

i've been sitting here waiting for this supposed post all freaking day so far and no freaking post.

and i'm down to my last couple oz of scotch.

babble on said...

Doesn't your computer have the little time and date thingy in the corner, Spokester? Or am I missing out on the time warp?

What am I talking about? We were in a time warp all weekend. I rode a 1958 Schwinn ladies cruser on the Vintage ride Saturday, and then we won the Wheelmen's Little One Hundred today! It was such a blast, but I took the runner up's bike out for a couple of laps afterward, and it was no contest. Their 44/19 was no match for our 52/16. We came in miles ahead, and two of our four teammates only did a token few laps...

Heh heh. It was so much fun. :D

babble on said...

Heh heh cruser... Looks like I'm down to my last ounce of the good stuff, too. :)

Spokey said...

are you telling me I gots to wait until it's monday for you!

It's been monday in snobbieville for horas now.



Anonymous said...

Be prepared to die from an earthquake at any moment. Seriously.

JLRB said...

OMG OMG OMG Is HE back yet? OMG OMG OMG

JLRB said...

Quick sprint to 500 before he wakes up?

Bryan said...

I need my BSNYC fix! Been riding with my woohoohoo speed cap, and that has tied me over, but I need a full dose of the WCRM wit.

JLRB said...

new beik parts did NOT arrive over the weekend - forced to complete overdue yard project instead of frankenbeiking

JLRB said...

474

JLRB said...

475

BamaPhred said...

476

I never let work get in the way of a sprint.

Title for todays' post

Male Hegemony in Onanistic Studies, or How I spent the Weekend in Coloraddy.

Anonymous said...

Peace Rally / Mob Rally / or better yet, a Pussy Riot for 500 !!

vsk

JLRB said...

Rob Fordseses will pee in a cup if everyone else does too including certain people that just returned from another state/altered state

JLRB said...

you know you have alienated the media when they choose to publish the worst possible photos of you - eyes closed, tugging on tie, ... in the next photo frame Robs Fordses probably just looked like a normal overweight moronic substance abuser

JLRB said...

Robses Fordses bobble heads!

Spokey said...

481 & no snobbie

BamaPhred said...

Someone has to vote these people into office. Do they elect the Fords as a joke, are the other candidates more repulsive, or do they actually have a majority constituency?

BamaPhred said...

483

Snob is posting anti bench sitting signs to Twitter, and questioning their au-thor-rit-tay

Count of Sprint said...

483

Count of Sprint said...

485?

Count of Sprint said...

486

RoadQueen said...

Rah-Rah, Siss-Boom-Ba!

Spokey said...

probably waiting until 498 or 499 just to squash the little bugs that he thinks we are

Spokey said...

I had to pee in a cup last week. It was very exciting.

But then the bastards stuck this long metal thing in my arm and red stuff came gushing out. Donut know what that's all about

Count of Sprint said...

490

caged MonkeyMan(person)(entity) said...

top of the monkey morning to y'all

dop said...

scranus 492

cipo said...

leaning

cipo's ass said...

big red train

Count of Sprint said...

494

reserve yesclai

capcha blows said...

I think ican ithink ican

Anonymous said...

I think you can't

dop said...

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

dnk said...

Podium!

Spokey said...

quint centurion podi?

dop said...

reetssr saddlery

dnk said...

I spoke too sooneth...

Spokey said...

ah been a dry spell for me. tanks for the leads outs

RoadQueen said...

Congrats, Spokey. :)

Spokey said...

thx queenie

and thanks to

dnk
dop

and all the others who made this epic event possible.

and a special thanks to snobbie for being too lazy to post early

dop said...

dagnabbit..good sprint

BamaPhred said...

Are you kidding me? I go to check out the Toronto mayor's race and the sprint is over. Well, no one ever said the life of a domestique was easy.

Anyway, the Toronto Mayor's Race. What a shitshow I guess there are a few serious candidates in this list.

Not that I'm judging. It's just ruining my fantasy of Canadidia

JLRB said...

What? I missed the whole sprint ... started my lead out way too early.

Congrats Spokey - a well earned victory.

BamaPhred said...

Yes Spokey, you have earned the title Quingentius Spokeyus, with all rights and privileges thereof.

David Pearce said...

Well, Snob left us in the lurch, or the lunch, or whatever you want.

Never fear, I will take up the slack as your Mid-Atlantic Assistant Regional Manager.

In Charlottesville, Va., where I've just been, I saw a road bicyclist riding from the cute little airport, CHO, across Route. 29, and heading right for Profitt Road. Proffit Road, depending on how far he took it, is a challenging classic Virginia little road, no shoulders, very winding, some good ups & downs, and not too much auto traffic, but yet enough to keep your eye on your Take-a-Look mirror every three seconds. If he rode it all the way to Stony Point Road (Route 20), that's a challenging little 5.5 mile workout, and then either you turn around, or take Route 20, which is not for the feint of heart, or maybe he took a different, smaller road to make his circuit. School is back in session, so all the UVA students and their parents are here delivering counter height refrigerators, and buying out the local Harris Teeter grocery store. I saw one student (riding in the evening) with a white light on both the front AND back of his bike; I shouted through my open passenger window, "The white one goes on the front!", but don't know that he heard me. To summarize, they are still riding bikes in C'ville.

BTW, a lot of flights into CHO come from Charlotte, North Carolina's Charlotte Douglas International Airport, otherwise known as CLT. I didn't know CLT was so big, but I've recently coined the phrase that Charlotte has its own pet airport in Charlottesville, i.e., CLT has a pet airport, CHO.

Back at home base in Washington, D.C. I can attest that bicycles are also being ridden and locked to stationery (stationary? Which is which?) objects.

On the downside, in the luxury area where I live, Georgetown, I nevertheless first smelled the stench, and then found the culprit, a dead rat being ground into the gutter, between my frontage and my neighbor's frontage. I didn't want to put the stinking thing in my garbage can, set out to be emptied tomorrow morning. Should I endeavor to sneak it into my neighbor's can? He stole my trashcan last week, and it was only after much sleuthing and sneaking that I retrieved my proper trashcan, so maybe I have a reason? Do you know, D.C., despite all its problems, has trash and recycling cans registered by serial number to each residence, and I found both those cans in my neighbor's parking area? What gives, neighbor?

Again, to summarize, bicycles are still being used and ridden in Washington, D.C.

That concludes this update,

Dave Pearce,
Assistant Regional Manager, Mid-Atlantic Division,
Bike Snob NYC International, LLC

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