Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Just when you think nobody can improve the bicycle, someone proves you right.

Firstly, one week ago, I said the following regarding Tour de France rider Ji Cheng:

I haven't been watching the TV coverage, so I have no idea if Phil Liggett has used any cringeworthy terms to describe his ethnicity yet.

Well, it came down to the wire, but in the end he didn't disappoint:
Oy.

Moreover, after this, Liggett enthused at great length over Queen Victoria's upcoming Diamond Jubilee, to which he had just received an invitation.  Here he is getting ready for the affair with his date, Mary of Teck:


Liggett must now complete cultural sensitivity training in the off-season, so you can expect him to use the more acceptable "Chinaperson" in Tour de France 2015.

Secondly, remember how the Oregon Manifest was doing this thing where they were inviting gentrification all-star teams from the five most gentrified cities in America to create the "ultimate utility bike?"


Well, let's pretend for the moment that the ultimate urban utility bike doesn't already exist, and that you can't easily buy it from at least 15 different companies.  I realize this is hard to do, because everyone from Bikes Direct to WorkCycles are ready and waiting to sell you a city bike, and all you've got to figure out how much you want to spend.  Really, in 2014, it's about as difficult to find the "ultimate utility bike" as it is to find a Subway franchise.

Let's also pretend that "ultimate urban utility bike" is even an objective thing, because all cities are the same, and furthermore all the people in those cities are the same and lead exactly the same lifestyle.  You know, this lifestyle:


So is that Chicago?  Portland?  San Francisco?  Chicago?  New York?  Well, no matter which city you picked, you were correct, thanks to the insidious global monoculture!


(Except for the warzones and the really, really poor ones, but those cities don't count.)

Okay, so now you've got the proper context for this contest: it's a parallel universe in which everyone wears plaid shirts and expensive denim while drinking hand-roasted coffee, yet somehow practical bikes don't exist.  Fine.  Well, it's in this imaginary vacuum that these five bikes were born:


Not what you were expecting, was it?  You probably expected more fenders, and perhaps also a few more upright, swept-back handlebars.  HA!  Wrong!

Welcome to Designtown, baby.

At this point I've only watched the video for the New York City bike, which does answer a pressing question, namely:

So what happens when you take a framebuilder who makes some pretty nice bicycles and team him up with a pack of design douches?

The answer, of course, is that this happens:


"Hey, wait a minute!," I can hear you protesting.  "That's a Vanmoof!"


(A Vanmoof.)

Uh, no it isn't.  Sure, it's got the Vanmoof's trademark uncircumcised baguette frame, but the Merge also takes its cues from Inspector Gadget, which is why it has numerous tricks up its top tube.  For example, it has this crappy ineffectual retractable fender:


At least I assume it's a fender, though perhaps it's some sort of measuring tape to keep track of tire wear, or else some kind of lizard phallus.

In addition to the doofy filth prophylactic, there's also an ineffectual retractable lock:


("Snip!")

As well as a retractable USB charger:


I'm not sure why this is necessary, inasmuch as anyone who would ride a bike like this lives, works, and drinks within two or maybe three Brooklyn ZIP codes, which means they're never on the bike for more than 20 minutes at a time.  But hey, I guess USB chargers are the pump pegs of the 21st century.

Oh, and don't forget the retractable rack:


(At last, the murphy bed comes to bikes!)

No retractable avocado slicer though:


Really, they should have skipped all the retractable crap and just turned that ridiculous top tube into an avocado cannon.

Or, here's another crazy idea: Why not just make a bike where the fenders and rack are there on the outside all the time?  Under what circumstances do you really need to hide any of these things?  Even in New York City nobody's stealing fenders and racks.  Plus, name one thing retractable that hasn't worn out or broken on you eventually.  (Fine, my vacuum cleaner power cable still retracts, but that's about it.)  Even the automotive industry has realized retractability is stupid, which is why you no longer see power antennas and pop-up headlights--though presumably everyone involved in the production of this bike is too young to have seen all those Fieros with only one open headlight pathetically winking at everybody back in the '80s.

And if nothing else, why introduce more opportunity for noise?  I really hope there's a long-term test to see if all that stuff starts rattling in there, and if so here is my pledge:

If, after one year, this bike does not sound like a subway panhandler shaking his change cup, then I promise I will finally take it seriously.

They should have just submitted a Citi Bike.

Speaking of Citi Bike, it looks like it's being saved by the real estate industry:


REQX Ventures, an affiliate of real-estate giant Related Cos., is close to hammering out an agreement that could enlarge the footprint of Citi Bike to upper Manhattan, into Queens and further into Brooklyn over the next few years, these people said. The number of bikes would nearly double, from 6,200 to about 12,000.

Real estate giant?  I'm not sure what to think.  On one hand, as a member of the Citi Bike Cat 6 Racing Team, I'm glad to see the system may finally expand and improve.  On the other, once the entire city is covered in these blue dots the hyper-gentrification of New York City will be complete and we'll all be moving to Philadelphia:


(Gentrification pox.)

This is especially bad news for the people of Philadelphia, who will then be forced to move to Camden, NJ:


The Philadelphians will go willingly too, because anything's better than sharing a city with a bunch of assholes from Brooklyn.

Lastly, a reader informs me that serial groper Mario Cipollini was recently spotted in Paris, where he was two-fisting man-boobs:


Retirement has done little to dull Cipollini's prodigious libido, and in fact there's evidence on his website that he may have undergone enhancement surgery on "Li'l Mario:"


Hey, it's never too late in life to get yourself a new "tool."

149 comments:

Yeah Cleveland! said...

Early again.

Anonymous said...

Podium?

Yeah Cleveland! said...

A Cippo appearance is always appreciated.

McFly said...

Retractable rack?

JB said...

What the?

Anonymous said...

Not bad, top ten. But I'm guessing podi-e-po-d -ium for the west coast division.

Anonymous said...

So, I'm confused... Is Ji Cheng not from China then? Or have I not been keeping up with the UN dictionary of Officially Definitely Not Racist Terminology. Am I still allowed to say "Yorkshireman"?

Jacques said...

premier dix!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 8:41am,

How's the weather back there in 1914?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Top X ?

Anonymous said...

How about "Frenchman"? Is that OK because the bit before "man" is an adjective rather than a noun? Scotsman?

Anonymous said...

Boogieman?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 8:46am,

Don't be dense. It's language, not mathematics. Different words acquire different connotations, despite having the same suffix as other words. You have to be pretty out of it to call someone a Chinaman on TV (or anywhere) in 2014.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

It's all double-dutch to me....

Jacques le Fran├žais said...

J'aime boogie!

Anonymous said...

Yesterday, I could see Kevin Reza's German helment..... Which is weird, 'cos he's a Frenchman

Anonymous said...

fodder

dtwright said...

the chinaman is *not* the issue, dude.

Bama Phred said...

Lizard phallus, Avacado cannon, Lil' Mario enhancement.... Why I keep reading. Plus the commentariat.

building a railroad said...

Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature.

Anonymous said...

A gentrification all-star team is not complete without a Chinaman.

Bryan said...

More to the point than having retractable lizard penii, all of the rack systems on all of those bikes look flimsy! So eventually their retractable lizard dicks will get all placid and wonky. The Portland vid is hilarious..they got a girl with some sort of accent to cover up the shittiness of their ugly bike.

Blog Drafter said...

Man, those are some ugly bikes.

Is it too early to apply the Dead White Male epitaph to Phill? Usually Paul swoops in to correct his mistakes but he wisely steered clear of that one.

Winking Fieros...lol

Spokey said...

top 23?

would have been higher but for government asychni

Donny, you're out of your element said...

Walter, he peed on my rug!

alpaca lips said...

Anonymous 9:09 -- I suppose that in a previous incarnation, Reza was a member of the Schwarzkommando from Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow.

Spokey said...

damn BD kept me out of that coveted top 23


That pic of Phil & Paul is old. Don't remember when I first saw that but a long time ago. I was aghast then as now. But I frankly don't have a problem with chinaman. but youse call me an irishman, there'll be some hard potatoes coming your way, aimed at your head

Anonymous said...

Q: How many Chinamen does it take to make one(1) Kevin Reza?

A: Ask Michael Albisini's wife.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Avocado cannon! Hell Yeah. Snobby you should design the ultimate urban utility beik.

Lumpencommentariat said...

Zounds! I had expected the "ultimate city bike" clusterfuck to produce some silly gimmick-laden douche chariots, but those hipsters have really outdone themselves. They even make a Budnitz look sort of sensible.

crosspalms said...

"USB chargers are the pump pegs of the 21st century."
snort

And I look forward to charging my electric pump with them when I get one of those bikes, which ain't happening. You're right, they're basically reinventing the CitiBike for many times the cost. Wonder why no one came up with an inflatable bike -- when you get to work you just deflate it and stuff it in its sack. Theftproof!

babble on said...

Yer in top form today, snobberdoooders... heh heh... l'il Mario indeed.

Spokey said...

camden no way

having been bred in brooklyn and spent formative years just outside of camden;

trust me. no one wants to go to camden. My younger sibs who were born there won't go.

Try and find then swallow a camden cheese steak

streepo said...

Is Cipo's new tool retractable?

Anonymous said...

Cipo's new tool is foldable. Racks are retractable, tools are foldable.

Anonymous said...

.....and in lycra, everyone knows which way your tool folds

Anonymous said...

Early One !!

vsk

DB said...

Ladies and Gentlemen:
For my next death defying trick I will be attending the...........(drum roll here)
Iowa State Fair in August!
I know!
I am in training now, taking 5000mg of statins and hand fulls of aspirin. I bruise so easily from the blood thinners that folks think I have Ebola.
I will attempt the Widow Maker, a fried Oreo, fried cheese and a corn dog while listening to Lady Antebellum.
The East River tried to kill me but it's no match for a Midwestern Fair. Considering riding the bike to Des Moines in two and a half days to get the vessels squeaky clean before attempting fried death on a stick.

JB said...

Electric fat bikes: Aww yeah!!!

CommieCanuck said...

These urban bikes are all the same: trying to get people out of their German douche canoes and onto a douchey bike that costs 6 grand or more.
Then they pile all the Bluetoof accessories, like GPS nav..really? When is the last time anyone needed GPS nav to ride around their home town?
Or my favorite, the Solid, which has an iFone app that addresses the tedious bike maintenance issues of chekcing to see if all the Bluetoof crap works, or if a light is burnt out, because we need a fucking app to tell us if a light is burnt out. I thought apps were just for fart noises.

Forward to reality: the ultimate urban bike is already on sale, a Walmart and not more than $149.98.

Anonymous said...

If you have an avacado cannon, your shorts are *much* too tight

gE said...

gentrification all-star teams - okay, that's just awesome.

Oh and the real reason they got rid of pop up headlights is to make people feel more warm and fuzzy about running over pedestrians. Seriously.

Spokey said...

good luck DB

never had any of that stuff. But it sounds like every one of them could get you. just don't let babs hear of you eating that shit

Roille Figners said...

Whew had to hurry to score this awesome top-50 spot... now to read the thing!

JB said...

I loved the Porsche 928 pop-up headlights. The headlights laid "flat" on the hood, facing up; and then rotated forward to vertical.

82Medici said...

When I saw that bike I thought "cannon" too, but with a different projectile than an avocado. Bus in the bike lane? No problem...

crosspalms said...

DB,
A delicacy I didn't try at last weekend's Pierogifest was chocolate-dipped bacon on a stick. Maybe Iowa will have it.

Meanwhile, best state fair campaign ever. Maybe those designers should try making a bike.

Comment deleted said...

Rollie Fingers as a Brewer! It just ain't right, I tells ya.

DB said...

Maybe I should just head for Nebraska. Those are very funny posters, but I think they apply to all state fairs. Our county fair had 38 Special last weekend. I think there was one original member.

Spokey said...

JB

yes, much cooler than the 924/944. I always wondered about if they didn't come up what that light going directly up would be like.

JB said...

I don't know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper. It does just fine by itself.

Non sequitur:
Spokey, can you please clarify your last sentence? I think there's a typo in there. My 14-yo self got to ride in (the backseat of) a chocolate brown 928 a handful of times. #blessed

ce said...

You can see the tip poking out from behind Cipo's right leg, just below the knee.

David Pearce said...

Dear WCRM,

How dare you make rude comments about Mario Cippolini, and

"THE CHAMPION, THE POWER, HIS TOOL"

!


Man, I guess it is true what they say about big hands!

Secondly, and besides, also, how dare you make fun of Fiero headlights.

And now, if you'll pardon me, I have to go outside and work on the headlights of my Lamborghini Miura. The "eyelashes" of one of the headlights needs a bit more mascara. People keep thinking the car is winking at them, but I know better.

Dave in D.C.

Anonymous said...

I recall seeing quite a few winking Corvettes in the same time time frame, time.

Anonymous said...

Snobbie at 8:55 -

You've got it all wrong - Its not about the suffix, but the prefix. Frenchman is OK because the prefix is a verb...

Texas Scranus

Roille Figners said...

Chinaman isn't racist - just unfashionable. Just like Oriental. After all, Chinese are from China, which is in the Orient. It's not like "moron" and "idiot," which started out just like Chinaman, i.e. once upon a time they were literally, the word for that. The only reason idiot & moron became insults/slurs is because of everyone metaphorically comparing each other to idiots. But the thing is, people are always gonna want to call out stupid people, so the name for "retarded" or whatnot has to change every few years to keep one step ahead of people trying to use it to fuck with each other. Pretty sure "retarded" isn't the right word anymore either, and I don't even know the current term, but whoever decides these things should pick something so boring and bureaucratic/totalitarian-sounding that nobody even wants to use it as a slur - like "differently abled" - that was a good one. Whereas nobody is looking to call their non-Chinese friends Chinese, or call attention to Chinese people. "You're such a fucking Chinaman!" said no one ever. But if someone wanted to safeguard against it anyway, perhaps "the Easternly High-Longitudinal," or the "Occidentally-Challenged."

I do not personally give a shit; I use "Asian" if I have to describe someone physically, otherwise you don't really need to say shit.

David Pearce said...

Okay, It's Cipollini, not Cippolini, like I wrote.

I really don't care. He'll have to find me first!

Anonymous said...

Gangbang the token Oriental? Or is than an echelon forming?

Anonymous said...

Man, those designers thought of everything --- EXCEPT A PLACE TO PUT A FREAKING PUMP.

That's OK, that's why snobby's always waiting around to pump up Fred's tires.

Spokey said...

I mean if the mechanism broke. On most cars, the light would be shining inside the engine compartment. On the 928, if the mechanism broke but the lights came on they would light up almost vertically like some spotlight.

Had one popup myself. An '86 200sx. Was kind of funny with one permanently up and and other working after a deer decided to roll around the front hood.

It's got to be more than safety. Must be style. There were numerous 'merican cars with 'hide-a-way' headlights that did not pop up. They had covers that retracted to reveal the stationary light. Mostly larger models I think like the continental

CommieCanuck said...

Pretty sure "retarded" isn't the right word anymore either, and I don't even know the current term...

Ford Nation.

ce said...

Retarded Chinaman

CommieCanuck said...

they got rid of pop-up lights because:
1. cost
2. safety when hitting someone
3. poor aerodynamics
4. Sexual innuendo

We can't just have things popping up when you rub or push a button.

Anonymous said...

Speaking for Philadelphia (used to live there), we don't want you. Property values would tank. An urban paradise would become an urban wasteland. There would be riots in the streets. You would ruin our cultural heritage in about a day.

cycle

Anonymous said...

oooh, finally a bike that can tell me where to ride per the key influencer (aka chinamen)
"Integrated “Discover My City” app pairing via Bluetooth provides curated journeys by key influencers"

Freddy Murcks said...

While I am not a china man, per se, I do have a certain fondness for ceramics.






weather verytban

babble on said...

OMG! A Vancouver cyclist was shot during a race the very same day that I crashed. And here I thought I had a bad day that day... :S

babble on said...

Oh Commie. I think I love you just a little.

Heh heh. Ford Nation indeed.

Freddy Murcks said...

Surprisingly, there is no discussion of the best uses for belly button lint or toe jam.


http://velonews.competitor.com/2014/07/bikes-and-tech/technical-faq/technical-faq-tire-widths-pressures-and-more_338846




berytsid brought

Roille Figners said...

On the other hand "Indian" (as in Native American) was ALWAYS wrong.

babble on said...

DB - Spokey's right. I can't help it. Whenever I see people I care about killing themselves with bad food choices, I have to say something. It's bigger than me.

And I would, of course, have to say something about your weekend plans, except that hypocracy is dead ugly, and I just discovered the bacon donut. Mmmmm bacon.

Enjoy the fair! :D

Anonymous said...

When is the Citi Bike Cat 6 Racing Team walz cap coming out?? Can't wait.

Anonymous said...

I heard that little slip by Phil on the TdF my wife and I looked at each other and were like WTF. I don't think there was any racist intent but that Liggett is a little behind the times, which he later confirmed when he referred to Kevin Reza as "that colored fella".

JB said...

Spokey, I see, no typo, just too complicated for me.

I had a Pontiac Sunbird that had sort-of half-covers over the stationary lights. If you pushed the headlight button on "just so" the light would come on w/o the cover raising, resulting in a very cool looking car to a 17 year old.

Anonymous said...

Haha now all of a sudden bab is finicky about what goes in her mouth.

RoadQueen said...

How much of a stretch would it be to turn the avocado cannon into a flare cannon?

Inquiring minds want to know.

1904 Cadardi said...

Hey DB,

Whilest you are out and about the state fair, have a breaded pork loin sandwich for me will you?

You can't get one worth a damn outside Iowa. Is it because the state is shaped like a pig?

DB said...

1904:
Thinking of going over the third weekend of August. You're welcome to join me. You may need to wear a helment and body armor in case you get caught between some obese Midwesterners on line. Or in line. Whichever.

Flyover BC said...

Words are important. For example, "people of color" has an entirely different meaning than "(of) colored people".

Ji Cheng should be known as a Man of China. Isn't that better now.

Good thing he isn't an inscrutable (inscrotable?) or wise oriental gentleman.

In other bike related news, someone has invented the bike lane bulb out. http://mic.com/articles/91675/this-is-what-the-bike-lane-of-the-future-will-look-like-and-it-ll-save-a-lot-of-bikers

1904 Cadardi said...

DB

"caught between some obese Midwesterners", also known as my family reunion! (ba-dum-bump)

Seriously, I'm the only one in my family (in or out of Iowa), that engages in any sort of frequent exercise, which means I'm also the only one with a BMI below about 900.

Thanks for the offer, but it's going to take more than deep fried butter and cheese nuggets to get me back to the motherland.

Anonymous said...

CHIN AMAN
PHLL GGET
OLDT IMER

trama said...

I took a look at the urban bike entries, and I cannot say I was tempted to vote for any of them. None. Whatta bunch of crap. 3D printed?? It's like the paragraphs they ubmitted had to include some keywords to be even considered. I think Fuji will be fucked if they try to produce this shit.

I would love to see these teams come up with, I dunno, a contest to re-design chopsticks.

Spokey said...

babs

how could YOU!

Even I don't eat bacon.

DB said...

1904:
You may leave the Motherland,
But the Motherland never leaves you.

DB said...

And every time I look at the picture of Phil and Paul I feel like I've caught them at something. Kinda creepy.

ken e. said...

i believe if, collectively as a continent of over-eaters, the only place we consumed bacon was on donuts (perhaps semi-annually) then perhaps our calves would resemble babbles and not robba the ford's.

don't get me started on those over-designed POS bikes.

Spokey said...

RQ

little chili, some more beans and flare cannon at your disposal

Paul Bowen said...

Have to say I also had no idea that there was any problem with Chinaman or that it had "connotations" beyond a man from China or a left handed wrist spinner. Wikipedia describes the term as 'contentious' but doesn't say what the bone of contention is so I'm not yet sure why - I shall ask in Chinat...that is to say, the part of town where there is a high density of people of Chinese origin.

semi serious cyclist said...

those bikes would make Tullio Campagnolo tear his eyes out so he wouldn't have to look at them. No upright bars, indeed. The designerati have lost touch with how bicycles work......Custom bikes have officially jumped the shark with that pile. what's up for next years' event, eastcoast zoobombers?

Spokey said...

I think I'd buy a crabon bike before one of those inspirations

Fred of the Sea said...

My late dad's old black Rudge Sports was far from the ultimate urban bicycle, but he thought it was and regarded my series of "10-speeds" as faddish and ill suited to any serious use. I wonder what silly appendages could have been added to "ultimize" his machine for urban riders of his era. Brazed-on pegs for a shoe brush? A rest for one's alpine or fedora on hot days?

Anonymous said...

Paul Bowen,

That talk of wrist spinners has no doubt confused all the Yanks. Oops - erm, is Yank OK?

Anyway, what if old Boycott, a Yorkshireman, mistakenly referred to a Chinaman as a wrong 'un. That would definitely cause a scandal.

Anonymous said...

Babs,

As Lemmy once sang:

"I'm sitting here in a hired Tuxedo.
You wanna see my bacon torpedo?"

crosspalms said...

I'll just step into my designer commuter bike and start the leadout for WIWM or Spokey

crosspalms said...

Everybody looks like ants from up here.

crosspalms said...

Wait, those are ants. Where is everybody?

crosspalms said...

Plugging my record player into the USB charger. Now to play some tunes.

crosspalms said...

Probably don't have to worry about flats up here, but I hope those trees aren't too close.

crosspalms said...

Flapping faster, picking up the pace...

crosspalms said...

and 100

DB said...

100?

DB said...

Way to go, Crosspalms.
Illinois Proud.

Spokey said...

wait a minute. I thought Chucky was from further south. besides no one would have ever heard of him if not for the irish. Oh, and that John Wayne filmed Rooster Cogburn (oops I mean The Quiet Man) there.

crosspalms said...

Thanks DB. That made me hungry. Anybody got some bacon?

Spokey said...

congrats crosspalmsman

or is that crosspalmsperson?

or just mr crosspalms?

My bad. Didn't even realize we were sprinting yet.

Vernal Magina said...

... and this guy peed on it!

CanadaMan said...

You're such an Americaman. And that other guy is such an Australiaman. Geez. Do we have to send the whole lot of you to sensitivity training?

Roille Figners said...

Wow that went to 100 quickly.

Keith Maddox: "Gawd I hate" [these Oregon Manifest] "bah sickles."

Bike lane bulb-out, sheeeeeiet. If you took that idea and removed all the generous on-street car parking(*) you'd be left with this.

(*) parking which blocks the view, blocks a whole lane anytime anyone wants to pull in or out, is publicly subsidized storage for privately-owned vehicles, and places shitty fucking car alarms in too-close proximity to actual human beings)

Spokey said...

grate idear. PARKING SPACES FOR THE PEOPLE or at least for the bicyclists.

Anonymous said...

It is Queen Elizabeth now. Victoria died a century or so ago. I mean, QE2 might be dead too, but nobody has noticed yet.
And have you ever seen the British royal family in action? Phil Ligget really won't need any cultural sensitivity training. He'll be welcomed like a long lost son.

crosspalms said...

Spokey (or Spokeyman?),
Thanks. All sobriquets acceptable, even charcoal sobriquets (grilled monickers are delicious).

Anonymous said...

i thought i would plotz reading the designer-skewering...

Spokey said...

it was O'Spokeyman when grandpapsman came over on the tater boat. But those bastards at Ellis Island changed it to just spokey. I've still got a $10,000,000 reparations lawsuit going against the feds. If I win, I'll even buy bacon donuts for all.

sorry don't go for charcoal sobriquets. Call me a heathen (or O'Heathen) but I'm a pure gas man.

Spokey said...

oops

gas personage

Anonymous said...

"Forget it Jake, it's Chinatown!"

MungoMan said...

CanadaMan,

What "other guy" is Australiaman? If you're talking about Phil Liggett, he's a United Kingdom of Great Britain Scotland Wales and Northern Irelandman.

I think you might be referring to Snobby because that picture of "EVERY FUCKING CITY ON EARTH" is in fact not every fucking city on earth, but just one fucking city in Australia.

Anyway, I look forward to the day when Phil is commentating on a rider from Oman...

Flyover BC said...

More bike related commentary on Portland.

http://mic.com/articles/91675/this-is-what-the-bike-lane-of-the-future-will-look-like-and-it-ll-save-a-lot-of-bikers

Looks like Portland needs bile based firetrucks and ambulances. They probably will as soon as someone thinks of it.

p.s. this is a blatant attempt to provoke someone into a response about disaster relief and using bikes to haul supplies.

Fred of the Sea said...

"Looks like Portland needs bile based firetrucks and ambulances".

I didn't know things had gotten quite that..difficult there.

Anonymous said...

Tsk Phil - everybody from a cricketing nation knows a chinaman is a left-handed googly.

Anonymousman said...

Is cricket the only sport named after an insect?

ouabacher said...

JB. I had a Porsche 914 for a while. Loved that car but Porsche doesn't even claim it. Sometimes when you turned on the headlights, the left one would just keep going up, down, up, down. I'd have to get out and physically stop it. Then there was the time the top flew off. I bet that thing reached 20 feet!

Spokey said...

the 914 even sounded like a beetle

Anonymous said...

Englishman

Anonymousman said...

Is Beetle the only car named after an insect?

Roille Figners said...

How's this for ironic: George Harrison's memorial tree was eaten by beetles.

Roille Figners said...

Actually since he was a Hindu I kind of think he sent the beetles himself as a message from beyond.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Roille, he was the beatle. That is existential on a number of levels.

Spokey said...

AMC Hornet
does the Toyota Spider count? Technically not an insect.

babble on said...

Flyover - yes. Words ARE important. Name something and you define it, though how you name it says as much about you as the object you are defining.
That's why we love snobbums. He is a master of words we identify with, and his words bring joy.
Laughter heals.
This place rocks. :)

Mr Cadardi - OMG you too? My whole family is rotund, though dad and bro are fitfat. Mum never ever sweats and is a little dumpling, bless her heart.

DB - re: the motherland +++ EGGZACTLY. Hence I <3 bacon. Mmmm bacon.

Specially the bacon torpedo. I can do with a little porkie pie like dat girl Joss Stone says, "at least two times a day!"

ken e- Lol! The bacon is in the donut batter, and there's a bit of maple thrown in there for good measure. OMG soooo good. But the specialty shop that sells them moved and it has been nearly eight months since I had one! Drool. :) And thank you.

Anonymousman said...

Here's a DIY cycling accessory for the insect bigot;

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sddZkyqT_Jg

Coke-a-Coke said...

I wonder what would Phil call Rob Ford.

Postman said...

Hey! Who You callin' 'Mailman'!

wishiwasmerckx said...

And this arachnid prejudice continues to this day...

Have Mormons taken control of captcha? Who snuck in "iantsvd copperplates"?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Velonews called Cheng Ji "the first Chinese to start the Tour."

1904 Cadardi said...

Babs,

Yep, me too. But my relatives went the fatfat route. The rents never understood when I would head out for a multi-hour bike ride. But at least there were frequently cookies when I got back! Mmmmmm cookies!

1904 Cadardi said...

Back to bikes,

"Just when you think nobody can improve the bicycle, someone proves you right."

Yep, pretty much nailed it, although I really don't want to give up the clipless pedals, integrated levers and indexed shifting. I bet it's not a bunch of designers that come up with the next thing that makes my cycling life better.

Nacnud said...

I started university in 2000 (I was in my late 40's).

The university would not call students in my demographic "mature age" because that was ageist. They settled on calling us "special entry" students instead.

Dunno. I'd rather be called old than retarded.

Nacnud said...

"I wonder what would Phil call Rob Ford."

A Fat Canadiaman Cunt?

Poor Messican said...

Avocado cannon? Those things are $1.59 each!
Are you high?
Fuckin' rich New York douche-wallahs....

semi serious cyclist said...

Drunk Cyclist posted some footage from SSWC of next years bike category for the framebuilders competition....

http://vimeo.com/101765011


off road single speed zoobomb.

ce said...

I am reminded of a time when I was about 4 or 5 years old and I would sit on the front fence with the Russian brothers Sacha and George who lived a couple doors down and we would all point and sing: "Chinga-linga fish-finger naa-na-na na-na-naaah" as the Asian kid would ride past on his bike.

It kind of feels like nothing has changed.

Anonymous said...

I thought special entry was the back door.

gE said...

MungoMan, probably all the Australiamen in the comments section.

Anon 7:40, get with the program, it's Englandman.

K-bo said...

Isle of Manman

JLRB said...

delayed scranus

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Anonymous said...

No f..fu..fjc...ffenders?

plastikiniai langai said...

very good :)

Anonymous said...

These machines weren't designed to be functional city bikes. They are prototypes designed to promote intelligent discussion and advance sustainable transportation.

Fashion designers push boundaries in a similar way. Models on runways aren't wearing clothes made for you to wear. Some design ideas are picked up and used for functional attire.

Hipster designers are experimenting with some great ideas. Some design will trickle down, some won't. 80% of everything is drek.