Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Naked Ambition: Solutions in Search of Problems, and Riders in Search of Pants.

Nudity.

Usually, it's "NSFW."  However, there are two exceptions: 1) Medical use (like when you're self-diagnosing that weird sore on the Internet); and 2) the World Naked Bike Ride, which no human person could ever find sexually arousing:


(Vulvanus control, via BikePortland)

The World Naked Bike Ride evidently took place in Portland recently, and so I found myself browsing BikePortland's coverage with one hand partially obscuring my vision and my barf bucket close at hand.  If you've never heard of the World Naked Bike Ride before now, consider yourself lucky, and here's what a popular user-edited Internet encyclopedia has to say about it:

The World Naked Bike Ride (WNBR) is an international clothing-optional bike ride in which participants plan, meet and ride together en masse on human-powered transport (the vast majority on bicycles, but some on skateboards and inline skates), to "deliver a vision of a cleaner, safer, body-positive world."[1]

So basically, in the future according to the WNBR, we'll be free from our crippling dependency on oil, but we'll have to deal with bare asses and genitals in our faces while we're riding the subway, which is arguably worse:


("Do not oil my ass," via BikePortland)

Uh, no oil where exactly?  Because I can think of certain situations in which he might quickly reevaluate his stance on lubricants.

The same encyclopedia also has this to say:

The dress code motto is "bare as you dare".[2] Full or partial nudity is encouraged, but not mandatory. There is no mandate to cover intimate parts; this is a distinguishing feature of the WNBR against other cycling events.

I think it's incredibly lame that nudity is merely optional on the World Naked Bike Ride.  Sure, I also think the World Naked Bike Ride itself is incredibly lame, and I pray to Jesus Christ I never find myself anywhere near it, but I'd have more respect for them if they'd at least enforce a strict (un)dress code.  And probably the lamest form of non-nudity at the World Naked Bike Ride is the flesh-colored garment:


(BikePortland again.)


Not only that, but she has the audacity to wear a WNBR sash!

She probably also owns a Prius yet has a sticker on her bike that says "One Less Car."  That bike is most likely a track bike with a coaster brake, and she has a set of knuckle tattoos that says "NOBR AKES."

Also, is the WNBR really the only cycling event with no "mandate to cover intimate parts?"  Because I don't remember seeing that in the USA Cycling rule book.  (Remember when they used to send you a copy with your license?  It made for handy bathroom reading when you finished browsing the Colorado Cyclist catalog.)  I know you need to keep your shoulders covered, but if you cut a little schmeckle hole in your chamois before your next crit is that really grounds for disqualification?

I'm not sure that it is.

In other news, I've received a hopeful email from a would-be keychain magnate:

Hey Bikesnob,

My name is Daniel Farkas and I introduced the world's thinnest and lightest keychain via Kickstarter

Farkas?  Of the "Christmas Story" Farkases?!?

I read on:

So what's the big deal with keychains? :) Although it is an essential item in everybody's everyday-carry, it's typically an ugly, primitive design, opposed to our sleek mobile phones, wallets, pens, watches or notebooks. With my design I want to unclutter the keychain and make it aesthetically pleasing. 

Wait a minute.  A keychain is ugly and primitive?  Really?  Here's what mine looks like:

Firstly, what's more elegant than a circle?  Secondly, think about how a typical key ring works:


Come on, it's genius!  Minimalist, elegant, totally secure...  If split-ring keychain technology did not exist today you can be sure some design douche would be launching a Kickstarter for it today.

Actually, that's not true.  No design douche could come up with something so simple and yet so brilliant.

Still, I wanted to see what this guy had, so I kept going:

So what makes this keychain special?

- it's ridiculously thin and light » 40% lighter than the same "regular" keychain
- greater leverage (the whole unit is the grip) » easier turn in the keyhole
- unlimited number of keys can be integrated into TIK while the thinness remains the same
- worn-out, recycled chains are perfect for TIK » tiny eco-footprint
- ultimate simplicity

Okay, this had to be a joke.  So I watched the video:



Ah, now I get it.  This guy wants twenty-three thousand dollars to grind your keys down to nubs and then attach some bicycle chain links to them:


I have many questions here, including but not limited to: Where do I put my Citi Bike key?  Where do I put my lucky rabbit's foot, my sacred lobster claw, and my cursed monkey's paw?  What about the consequences of mangling the key to THE CAR THAT I OWN?  (To say nothing of the remote door lock fob thingy.  What do I do with that?)  And what about my weird stubby bike lock keys, how do they fit?  How do I quickly remove a key if I need to lend it to somebody?  Am I supposed to use Wipperman links for that?  And how am I supposed to tell one key from another?  What, I'm supposed to memorize the tooth profiles now?

But, you know, it's a few grams lighter, so there's that:


Also, of course there's "greater leverage:"


I have a huge problem getting enough leverage to open my front door lock, which is why I always carry a breaker bar with me when I leave the house.  I've also read all of Lennard Zinn's advice on the subject of locks, but it's been no help:

Dear Lennard:

I'm currently running a Banhauser Aluminum Fireproof Apartment Pro SL front door pivoting on Hufnagel sealed ceramic bearing hinges, with a Schlagel lock cylinder actuated by an aftermarket titanium blade Cornell key with ergonomic carbon fiber bow.  The system is set up to self-lock upon egress.  Usually upon returning home after a ride I apply 1N-m of torque (verified with a torque wrench) to gain entry, but recently I've begun to experience disturbing lateral flex and key wind-up, and last week after a ride I went as high as 1.5N-m before I stopped applying force for fear of catastrophic key failure.  (I spent the night in the hallway, and could hear my cat mewing hungrily in the foyer.)  

Lack of sleep is absolutely savaging my Strava times.  What should I do?

Fred F. Frederick,
New York, NY


Dear Fred,

A titanium-specific anti-seize compound might help, though it's more likely that your tumblers are wearing at a different rate than your key.  You don't specify whether you're running the Schlagel SL or the SL-S.  I suspect it's the latter, in which case the tumblers are magnesium, and with a ti key setup you really should be switching them out after every five openings.  Of course, at $60 a tumbler this is a costly proposition (magnesium tumblers are ideal for vacation homes you only access a few times a year), so in the long run it's much more cost-effective to upgrade to a complete electronic system.  My personal favorite is the Guest-O-Tron hospitality-grade card key system, which is run by Four Seasons Hotels, Inc. in all their luxury properties.  (Artisanal "Do Not Disturb" signs are also available from Speedvagen in Portland.)  This should prove sufficiently robust for you, even through cyclocross season when many mechanical locking systems tend to jam and fail in muddy conditions.

Also, be sure you're reading your torque wrench correctly.  If it's the Park TW-3, note that it's calibrated for both newton meters (N-m) and Diminutive Frenchman Units (DFU).

Lennard

It's House Fred stuff like this that has made me go full retrogrouch, which is why I've ditched all my own locking hardware in favor of a bulletproof skeleton key system.  (Bonus: the skeleton key is perfect for hanging from my waistcoat along with my pocket watch during tweed rides.)

Lastly, here's a Hasidic guy who's looking for a female riding partner and not an adulterous liaison with a muffin-topped hipster shiksa:



Hasidic Guy Seeking Female Biking Partner - m4w - 28 (North Brooklyn )
age : 28 body : thin

Hi, 

I'm a young fit Hasidic guy who loves the outdoors (hooozaa, what a surprise). I'm looking for cycling adventures with an artsy type woman who is interested in learning about Hasidic culture and stuff and would show me some of the hipster underbelly in exchange. 

I'm putting this under missed connections because I always get curious looks when I'm out on my bike and sometimes I feel that there might be someone who would want to talk and ask questions.

If this guy wants to see some hipster underbellies he should skip Craigslist and try the World Naked Bike Ride.

132 comments:

Anonymous said...

meow

Anonymous said...

meow meow

Anonymous said...

meow meow meow

Anonymous said...

early doors

Anonymous said...

5

Anonymous said...

6

Anonymous said...

7

Anonymous said...

8

Anonymous said...

9

Anonymous said...

ha ha, 10

Buffalo Bill said...

I'm naked right now.

Anonymous said...

There is no Hasidic underbelly.

3G said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
McFly said...

Is the keychain compatable with a SRAM PC 1031 Powerlock?

3G said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Spokey said...

what?

I just got up.




warning for ussianu

Blog Drafter said...

Gross. A guy's ass. Just gross...I think I'll skip the "going back to read the post" part.

I'd rather hoxvir ann.

DB said...

If you lived in the Midwest you wouldn't need to lock your doors.

3G said...

3rd time is a charm?
http://seinfeld.wikia.com/wiki/Sid_Farkus

JB said...

Whee!

Anonymous said...

Top XX?....oops nope....I'll go w/ mid-pack fodder

dancesonpedals said...

that just makes me so mad

crosspalms said...

Next time you pray to Jesus Christ, here's a carving of him taking care of Chicago (it's the second one in the slideshow, I couldn't isolate it). He could probably take care of New York, too, but I imagine he decided we need the help more.

JB said...

Snob,

The Zinn letter and response was inspired and well-executed. Bravo.

dancesonpedals said...

after having actually read the post, that's a fantastic lenzin impersonation

Spokey said...

wildcat

forget the problem of what to do with your key fob.

Most new cars have the opener etc. built in to the key.

So grind away your door opener, trunk opener, panic button etc to save a 1/3 of an oz?

Guess I need to start the scotch early today.


gotta head out to the bychisxc deestrict to get that squeal in the BB checked out. Hmmm pull cannondale out or the Centurion?

Schisthead said...

I wish I had a calibrated Frenchman, I've been having torque problems too. Not as bad as poor Fred, at least.


What is the conversion factor from ft-lbs to DFU's anyway?

Must be some really silly huge number...

Euro Spondee said...

The 'World' Naked Bike Ride is about as global as the 'World' Series - sure looks mighty white out there in not-mandatorily-naked Portland

DB said...

I agree with JB. Great Zinn letter.

BIKE NUDE said...

"And everyone was happy."
- Jonathan Maus -

gE said...

Maybe they should call it World Clothing Optional Bike Ride or WCOBR, WCOBR, hmm, maybe another reason for oil.

Or they could join forces with the underwear ride and have a clause that says, if you go commando, then nekid's jus fine. We know you can't hepit.

Snob your technical description of locks and keys is both hilarious and disturbingly detailed.

Just take a look, he said...

Euro Spondee, check out the map.

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

My dog reminds me that if he rides naked, everyone says "aww, how cute," but I'd get a different reaction.

He also brags that no one suggests he shave his legs.

Or his back.

Smug jerk.

Dooth said...

Those Portland asses sure know how to have a good time.

le Correcteur said...

35 comments already? WTF?

Roille Figners said...

It didn't rain but I did take the bus.

BamaPhred said...

There's a great deal of difference between naked and nekkid. Naked is cold, calculating, mostly unappealling, and Portland. Nekkid is cool, fun, with just a hint of mind your own business scandal.

The Zinn letter and response is truly inspired.

And I have to say that the underbelly of hipster culture probably involves muffin tops.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Thanks for the comprehensive discussion on keys and lock technology.

gE said...

Oh, and someone feed the podium cat already.

Bryan said...

Well, the WNBR is the perfect time to try out a clipless seat. No alterations have to be made to your chamois.
That was way too many dick pics. The elephant trunk one was kinda funny though. KUDOS to that guy.
It just seems....uncomfortable. Not the shame and humiliation of everyone seeing my fat ass....but having to ride nekkid. God forbid you have a white saddle.

RoadQueen said...

Here's a question for you:

Where do you stow your keys while on the Naked Ride??

I bet that "No Oil" guy was just wanting to be able to keep his keys from falling out, if ya know what I mean.

babble on said...

Mmmmmm nekkid. Hey! I'm naked right now, too!!

RoadQueen said...

Went back and followed the link to the Naked ride gallery. I thought you said that naked rides aren't arousing???

I spotted more than a few semi to mostly erect penises. They certainly thought it was arousing.

Anonymous said...

I felt like Leonard was in the room with me when I read that....spooky good

dancesonpedals said...

Happy John Elway Day everyone!

20th anniversary of the 'slow white broncho'

McFly said...

I wonder how many "Let's just put the tip in and see how it feels" takes place at WNBR.....

Fred F. Frederick said...

The Zinn part...some of the best the Snob has ever produced.

Regular guy said...

'Bama, I prefer nude over naked for the very reasons you brought up.

Naked sounds coerced, while nude sounds consensual. Hmm, never noticed the sensual in consensual before.

Awful lot of fully clothed people (creepy onlookers?) in that foto of the naked bike ride prom queen. Maybe they just hadn't gotten in the mood yet.

McFly said...

A much better use of left over or used bicycle chain.

I thought that really was Lennard.

Flyover BC said...

Does anyone think that the Bicycle Race inner cover from that "Queen" LP is/was arousing?

I remember it being fascinating, if not actually arousing.

WNBR is different thing entirely. Even one exhibitionist dude ruins any latent voyeur tendencies I might have.

Flyover BC said...

Does anyone think that the Bicycle Race inner cover from that "Queen" LP is/was arousing?

I remember it being fascinating, if not actually arousing.

WNBR is different thing entirely. Even one exhibitionist dude ruins any latent voyeur tendencies I might have.

Anonymous said...

Not only was the Zinn parody brilliant as several others have already noted, the hardware part was damn good too. As someone in the commercial woodwork business who regularly deals with this stuff, that was some fine smoke you were blowing.

Anonymous said...

Ou, ou... I did! That gatefold was the source of many pre-pubescent hard-on's. Ever since I've gotten an erotic charge at the sight of a woman on a "ten-speed". This WNBR thing threatens that association big time.

dnk said...

"Thin Is Key."

Roille Figners said...

Euro Spondee - You know why? Because a black person takes one look at that shit and goes "Oh HEELLLL no!"

JB said...

Of course the Queen LP inner cover was arousing. Porn, or anything remotely near it, was rare before about 1995.

Shit, there was a People magazine in our basement bathroom with an above-waist photo of Cheryl Ladd in a half-zipped leather jacket with no shirt underneath, that I used a few times. And I was a Jaclyn Smith guy - still am.

Never used the JC Penney catalog, but it was nice to look at too.

Yeah, that's right, we had a bathroom in our basement. Deal with it.

Back to work.

dancesonpedals said...

Not much porn in 95? In 96 there was Paola Pezzo thrilling us winning the gold on a bumpy course in her jog-bra

Roille Figners said...

The "magnesium tumblers" really had me worried for you Snobz.

BamaPhred said...

I'm glad I'm not the only person who noticed that the WNBR looked like a lot of fish bellies. What, no sun up there?

BamaPhred said...

I'm glad I'm not the only person who noticed that the WNBR looked like a lot of fish bellies. What, no sun up there?

BamaPhred said...

What's with the double posting?

Flyover BC said...

Let's be realistic. To a teenaged boy almost anything can be pornographic, even a muffin top, if I remember correctly at even my advanced age.



Spokey said...

Damn

was in Portlandia memorial day wknd. No nakedity then. Screwed up again I guess.

Didn't really see more bieks there than local. But all seemed using bieks for transport. Never saw 1 fred.



118 bottles of scotch on the wall . . .

1904 Cadardi said...

dances,

Ah, yes Paola Pezzo. Saw her in person at the Vail World Championships 1994. The silver jog bra under the unzipped skinsuit. Good times. Good times.

Anonymous said...

I saw one black dude. And one blue dude, so there's that.

oessana loss indeed.

Edward said...

It's like the Iron Throne of keys! Also, not very design douchey to have all Ikea furniture and coffee cup...

dancesonpedals said...

gotta be careful with mtb refs or the food fight would start...this is really a hooter ref...if youtube existed in 96, the tape would have gone viral...still image does no justice

the full pezzo

Mr Plow said...

Maybe everything useful has already been invented.
Schmekle.

McFly said...

There should be diff CATS at WNBR. Cat 5=Bra and panties. Cat 4= Panties and painted titties. Cat 3=Panties only. Cat 4=totally naked. Cat 1 = Totally naked and drunk and lookin for a wheel to suck.

McFly said...

*cat 2=totally nude. NUDED.

Anonymous said...

"...a little schmeckle hole in your chamois..."


in deed

Blog Drafter said...

Well, I went back and read the post and it was pretty hilarious but I'm really only saying so because the captcha is a mere

438.

NUDE DUDE said...

"We face automobile traffic with our naked bodies as the best way of defending our dignity and exposing the unique dangers faced by cyclists and pedestrians as well as negative consequences we all face due to dependence on oil, and other forms of non-renewable engergy."

Their dignity is being poorly defended.

Piskian said...

Americans=half-assed.

crosspalms said...

Oh, now I get it. Keychain.

And shouldn't that torque wrench be calibrated in Fig Newton meters?

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Snob:

I can only reply to your rant about Portland's Naked Bike Ride, since I had the experience of witnessing it in the flesh, so to speak, several years ago, but it occurs to me that it must take a great deal of energy to sustain the amount of vitriol that a cursory scanning of your blog emits; my question, then, is, notwithstanding your being a New Yorker, which explains a lot, do you ever get tired of expending all that negativity just to prove you're smarter than everyone else, or do you in fact thrive on it,like a drug that gets you high?

Just curious.

JB said...

dancesonpedals @ 2:31:
Her brake levers are at the wrong angle.
She's not running disc brakes?

dancesonpedals said...

brake levers? I see no brake levers...

dancesonpedals said...

shorter anon at 4:09..

Dear sir: nyah nyah nyah thesauris!!

Roille Figners said...

4:09 - SMUGCON 5

Roille Figners said...

Though admittedly Snobz does seem ever-so-slightly crankier than normal today.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 4:09pm,

It's a sarcastic bike blog, don't overthink it.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

I have never commented in several years of reading WCR's ramblings, but that house fred bit compels me to comment: FANTASTIC.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Anon 4:09 --

On behalf of New Yorkers everywhere, my dog wishes to respond to your inquiry.

The answer is "yes, you are just curious."

I'm not sure what he means by that, but am confident it was in no way intended to harsh your mellow.

(He was impressed with your use of the semi-colon, but less impressed with your infelicitous deployment of the clause containing "emits." Sometimes, he's such a New Yorker.)

Of course, the robot captcha for this comment is "which Assedon." Now my dog won't stop giggling "Ass on, Wayne. Ass on, Garth. Excellent."

Anonymous said...

Or: "All right, which one of you guys assedon?"

Spokey said...

assed on, assed off, assed on, assed off, assed on, assed off


no I'm not bored today, but am ncreat small

Spokey said...

sarcastic?

snobby, here I thought you were facetious. I'm so disappointed.



I was radond feareth but I got one of those test kit thingees and we don't have a problem but I do wonder about that sixth finger that is growing out of my nose.

Roille Figners said...

Or: The Assedon, along with the Wooly Mammoth, was the largest prehistoric land mammals.

Roille Figners said...

(is gives has ball cancers)

Ahsan Afsar said...

World Most Popular and Top Amazing Speedy Cars
TopAmazingCars.BlogSpot.Com

gE said...

Anon 4:09, everything's so much more interesting and controversial when taken out of context, don't you think? That being said, reading the entertainment gossip columns come highly recommended for your perusal.

See? Even Ahsan Afsar thinks Snob hates bikes.

RayG said...

You can never have too much coverage of the World Naked Bike Ride

wishiwasmerckx said...

As for the photo coverage of the WNBR, it should be more jam out with your clam out, and less rock out with your cock out.

Dave said...

Mr. 4:09 -

Aieee! You've shone the kitchen light on our dastardly psychology and we're scurrying for the cracks! Yes, the Snob and all of us, his cadre of simpering sycophants, do in fact thrive mightily on the tasty negativity (anyone remember 'nabobs of negativity'?) just like a drug that gets us high. As for proving we're smarter than anyone else, that's unnecessary, as the question was settled long ago.

I hope this satisfies your insatiable curiosity.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Anon 4:09 --

My dog thought your comment was disjointed and overwrought. He bet me five bucks he could edit it into shape.

His rewrite is below. Let me know if I owe him money.

Dear Mr. Snob,

I witnessed Portland's Naked Bike Ride in the flesh several years ago and, upon a cursory scan of your blog and recent rant, it occurs to me that it must take a great deal of energy to sustain the amount of vitriol you display. I wonder if you, or New Yorkers in general, ever get tired of proving you're smarter than everyone else or is negativity a drug that gets you high?

Just curious.

(All afternoon, my dog has been prefacing his observations with "We here at the New Yorker...." If I win the bet, I'll pay him to stop.)

Jason said...

That Zinn letter might be the best thing you have ever written. You should just quit now. Go out on a high note...

Spokey said...

leroy

the dog gets the beer money. But that's a bet. You have to fork over more to get him to shut up although my sense is that money would be wasted.




what the hell is tectsiex elne? And do you get an STD from it?

John said...

How about writing an entire bike maintenance manual under the name zinn? I'd buy it + maintain my bike by it.

wishiwasmerckx said...

A Spiro Agnew quote? The things you run into on this comment board, I do declare.

BTW, not to pick nits, but the phrase is "Nattering nabobs of negativism."

Political trivia fact #1: Agnew held the highest office ever achieved by a Greek-American in US political history.

Political trivia fact #2: Barack H. Obama was not born in Kenya.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Political fact #3: That was the 100th comment, bitches!

Spokey said...

what?

is this blog heaven's waiting room?

If you know that Agnew quote, you're older than my grandkids. In fact you're older than my kids.


Hands up if you're on social security.

hmmm. Leroy; is that dog telling the truth? is that people or dog years?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Old? I rode with Teddy Roosevelt and the Rough Riders up San Juan Hill.

They were on horseback, and I was on an early prototype of the Schwinn Continental.

Ah, good times...

Eric Jenkins said...

I suspect you spent more time on the letter & response to Lennard Zinn then you did on the rest of the post.

Blog Drafter said...

Leroy @ 6:33:

That's a damn blasted Utopian Turtletop of a rewrite, surely by a native New Yorker, if you please. Fullest congratulations to your dog, who surely deserves a treat and some cash for his efforts.

Anonymous said...

Naked ambition causes one to post before 10am.

Anonymous said...

Many of them still seem to have a hang-up about baring their scalp. Wouldn't the safer world they are touting not require helme(n)t use? Are not the bra, the brief and the helme(n)t all symbols of oppression?
I for one would prefer protecting many other body parts from the perils of daily life with the standard issue basic clothing kit before bothering with protection for a far less likely blow to the head.

Dave said...

Around here, the nattering can be taken for granted. It's what we nabobs do. Somebody has to periodically put down the pusillanimous pipsqueaks of positivity. How clearly I remember when Nixon sent the B-52s into Cambodia and we all ran out of our classroom, donned black armbands, shook our teenage fists at the sky, etc. etc. Good times.

gE said...

Okay, now that I am home and am able to view the WNBR photos, some thoughts:

1. I should have stayed at work
2. There sure are a lot of people who are not fully committed to getting naked yet still participate in a naked bike ride.
3. It's pretty creepy to spectate
4. It's gotta be embarrassing to be photographed spectating.
5. If you buy a used bike, get a new seat.
6. What WIWM said at 6:23

gE said...

110th nonrobot to comment.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Eric Jenkins,

I suspect you wanted to pay me a compliment but then you spun it as an insult because you were embarrassed.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Freed Willy said...

Got all naked for the naked bike ride, but just sort of ended up hanging out at the start of it.

Stuart said...

The Bike Snob has hit another home run! The fake exchange over the artisANAL locks just captures the essence of our dilemma: there is now nothing new to buy except more expensive and sometimes more complicated versions of old things! Capitalism is indeed in its last death throes. I'm growing vegetables.

Anonymous said...

I'll gladly trade ya 10k naked bike riders for all the central park freds.

Just on a side note as one who has participated in the WNBR in the past...most the clothes do come off at some point with most riders, timing is everything.

You'll notice a lot less clothes on the people while they are actually riding, as opposed to those standing around waiting for the ride to start.

Vangroover said...

Thought I saw Babs on the Amsterdam, riding with her sling, road rash and recently retro-fitted left mounted twist grip shifter to accommodate her trashed right side and thought, "Wow! This is sort of a bicycle bondage/pain type experience." Woof!

JlRb said...

What angle should I mount my coaster brake levers? 4:09?

No naaked scraanusususus on my biekseat

Back Pedaller said...

JlRb @ 12:33; The coaster brake lever's angle is immaterial but it should be positioned about a foot from the engagement point on the crank arm.

Nabob said...

Nattering to see here

Anonymous said...

anybody know how to clean this smootch off my cambium?

nparkesp said...

But the naked tuck is so glorious...

JB said...

nparkesp: Agreed.

babble on said...

Vangroover- you caught that, did you?

Bea bike is lovely, n'all, but I really miss the sort of pain a girl can only know when she goes full Fred.

BamaPhred said...

AC is broken, so I'm having my own personal WNBR. I hope no one calls the cops. Just kidding, I am not, repeat, am not sitting here naked and sweating, but I wish I was nekkid and sweating.

alpaca lips said...

In the words of the great Archie Bunker ---

"Full Nudal Frontity!"

Anonymous said...

The key chain is hands down the dumbest kickstarter I've ever seen. Won't work with car keys with chips or electronic openers, won't work with keys that can't be modified, etc. I'm curious if it works with Kryptonite lock type keys, also.

I can't believe the vapidity of anyone who would back this.

dancesonpedals said...

to all you pussilanimus pussyfooters of pacifism..I'm old enough to remember those quotes, and that william safire & pat buchanon wrote them

dancesonpedals said...

I'm not even going to look it up...I'm certain I misspelled the p word, which is more embarrassing than misspelling thesaurus yesterday

Anonymous said...

Don't sweat it, dancesonpedals. Among the many gifts the Snob has graciously gifted us with is ironikal creative spellingz.

And vighdth the robots.

babble on said...

I jam out with the clam out every chance I get. But never on a bike. Least not yet... :)

Ahsan Afsar said...

Online Jobs of Data Entry and Copy Pasting with Jobz Corner
JobzCorner.com

Syed Kazim Ali said...

Online Business with hourly profit, Just Invest and Rest
AllTimeProfit.com

Supriya Basu said...

South Indian Sexy Mother And Her Daughter Forced Raped By Police Officer
~
~
*
*
~
~
Muslim College Girls Virgin Fuck Video, Muslim Girls Sex With Her Hindu Boyfriend
~
~
*
*
~
~
Bound MILF Drinking Pee, BBW Women Group Sex With Eleven Young Boy, Mom Fucks Video
~
~
*
*
~
~
Mallu Bhabhi Sucking Big Black Penis, Indian Bhabhi Secret Sex Scandals Video Leaked
~
~
*
*
~
~
Indian Son Fucked Her Step Mother, Son Blackmail Her Step Mom And Fuck Hard, Oral Sex Video