Friday, June 6, 2014

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

Hi there!

So how excited are you about the Tour de France?

Are you this exited?  [Holds hands close together.]

This excited?  [Holds hands farther apart?]

Or THIS excited?  [Severs both hands at the wrist, throws them to either end of the room to indicate a very large amount of excitement.]

And yes, I realize it would be very difficult to sever both your hands when you only have two in the first place, so keep your nitpicking to yourself.

As for me, I can measure the size of my excitement with a micrometer, and that measurement is "zero."  Nevertheless, the TdF Hype Machine is beginning to crank itself up, and ASO has released a series of videos in which the riders implore us to leave them alone:

Oh, save it.  You freaks get paid to ride your bikes!  Do you know how lucky you are that there are people who still get excited about this dumb sport after all the crap you guys have pulled over the years?  You don't get to ask us for anything at this point, so spare us the precious Fugazi "Don't slam dance at our shows" routine.  Anyway, how many times have we all heard how great the Tour de France is because the fans get to be so close to the race?  How about you guys watch out for us?  Aren't crowds an integral part of the sport, like weather and terrain?  Does the wind stop blowing?  Does the rain stop falling?  Do the mountains lay down in your path?  No they do not, so nor should the Dutchman in the sequined mankini who hasn't showered in eight days and smells bad enough to knock out one of those cows painted in the maillot à pois have to trouble himself with maintaining a respectful distance.

Don't like it?  There's always track racing.  Or better yet, take up bowling.

Anyway, I liked this Marcel Kittel video better:

Come on, who hasn't wanted to do that?

Speaking of things that are making me crankier than they should lately, I recently received an email that had the words "Bluetooth-enabled bell" in the subject.  The first thing that popped to my mind was some idiot reaching for his phone in order to ring the bicycle bell that's already right next to his hand, but in fact the intended use is only slightly less superfluous:


We have a project that we thought fits well with Bike Snob NYC. It’s a bike bell designed to help find your bike when parking it in bike-friendly cities like Amsterdam. You can check it out here:

It’s part of a little something we call 24h FROLIC where we collect problems and whenever we have some downtime we grab one of them and give ourselves 24 hours to solve it by building a working prototype. 


You know, the world would be a much better place if design douches would use their downtime to take a refreshing nap instead of cramming every waking moment full of bullshit.  (Wow, I think someone needs a nap!  [Indicates self with thumbs.]).  Anyway, here's the video:

So basically, what happens is these guys keep a "white people problem" box in their white people office:

Which, presumably, they stuff full of "problems" like these:

"My city is too bike-friendly."

"My progressive government provides me with too many services."

"My Kurt Cobain cardigan itches me a little."

Then, when they have some "downtime," they create these little projects for themselves in an exercise they call "24h FROLIC:"

In other words, it's like the show "24," but for the kinds of people who work in minimalist offices designing things nobody needs.  In light of this, I'd call it something else:

But this is why I am not in the field of design and brand consultancy, and instead specialize in shitty imaging, half-assed blogging, and product annihilation.

So anyway, these guys made a bell you can ring from a distance:

So you can find your bike in Amsterdam's famous Train Station Bicycle Clusterfuck:

Sort of like that stupid "panic button" on your car key fob, which nobody in the world uses, except when it's raining and you're unloading a shitload of groceries and the fucking thing goes off by accident:

("I never use the panic button on my car key fob because I don't own the car that would necessitate having a car key fob in the first place.")

Oh, fob you.

Okay.  So let's say finding your bike in the Great Amsterdam Velo-Clusterfuckolopolis is as difficult as they say it is.  Well, odds are you're not going to forget you left the bike at the station, so that narrows things down considerably.  And as far as where exactly it is in the parking area, why not just take a picture of where you left the bike with the camera that's already in your phone?  That's what I do with THE CAR THAT I OWN when I go to the mall or the airport.

("I took a picture of my car, too.  Would you like to see it?")

Sure, Dave, let's see the picture of your car:

("All right, here it is.")

Yeah, okay, Dave.  Nobody saw that one coming.

Anyway, the reason you don't take a picture of your bike instead of fitting your bicycle with a remote-controlled Bluetooth-and-GPS-enabled bell is that it's not FROLIC-ing otherwise:

See, this is FROLIC-ing:

There's just one problem:

The functionality of this bell depends on nobody else having one, so it's entirely self-defeating, because if it became popular all you'd have is bells ringing all over the place after the train arrives, and everybody would be walking around dazed in a Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy-esque dream sequence.

Sort of like Portland.

Anyway, I guess in some ways it's a clever little gadget, but I believe staunchly in the complete separation of bike and smartphone, and if I really had a problem remembering where I parked my bike I'd sooner borrow a big orange flag from my friend with the recumbent* than use a Bluetooth-enabled bell.

*[Just kidding, I don't have any friends, even the recumbent riders won't talk to me.]

Lastly, here's a whimsical epistle that appeared in the Times recently:

Autumn brought a roseate grin to the messenger of magic as the agency’s receptionist handed over the goods.

Icicles hung spearlike from buildings in New York City in January when the courier, like a miniature Mad man, slid across the ice-caked sidewalk and shot up the elevator to beat the clock and hand-deliver the divine words.

This raised two questions for me:

1) What powerful psychoactive drug is this person on?

2) Anytime the newspaper mentions bike messengers they're either terrorizing pedestrians all over the city or else they've gone extinct.  SO WHICH IS IT?

This piece does perfectly capture the New York mentality though, which is that we hate things intensely and claim that they're ruining the city, and then when they finally go away we lament their disappearance and complain that whatever's responsible has ruined the city.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right then fantastic, and if you're wrong you'll see how to hand signal.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and put a bell on it.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) Mohinder Singh's hopes and dreams are being crushed by:

--The NYC Department of Health and Mental Hygiene's draconian restaurant letter-grading system
--Rampant luxury condo development
--A swiftly-rising tide of uber-rich douchebags with fickle tastes and an aversion to affordable Indian cusine
--Bike lanes

2) The new robot car from a popular Internet search engine company has:

--No steering wheel or brake pedal
--A top speed of 25mph
--A cute face that even the most diminutive cyclist can hump into submission
--All of the above

3) This sidewalk Citi Biker is about to get crushed to death by a shark.


(Child killing time before he's old enough to lease a Hyundai.)

4) In America, when it comes to teaching a child how to ride a bicycle, the preferred learning tool is:

--A pair of training wheels
--A balance bike
--A self-balancing bicycle
--A gun

(Touching or scratching the face is often a sign of lying.)

5) Ryder Hesjedal has announced that, after retiring, he will open a training facility called "Rasmussen's Basement" in his native British Columbia.


(The Cipollini RB1000's beefy bottom bracket transmits power from the rider directly to the road, while Mario Cipollini's own "bottom bracket" transmits HPV directly to your genitals.)

6) Which is not an actual quote from the PezCycling News review of the Cipollini RB1000?

--"The massive full-width box section downtube creates one of the stiffest bottom bracket junctions I’ve ever ridden – and it’s awesome!"
--" of the stiffest bottom end’s I have ever ridden."
--"There are LOADS..."
--"The next-best thing to riding Cipollini himself."

7) This "leading neurosurgeon" eschews helments in favor of:

--Hard hats
--Cowboy hats and cowboy boots

***Special Inverted-Underwater-Ice-Bikes-Are-The-New-Fat-Bike-Themed Bonus Video!***

Why did they bother with the "blooper" reel?  The whole fucking thing is a blooper!


Anonymous said...

Podio bitches.

Anonymous said...

podiating yo

Marcel Da Chump said...

Podium bell

Anonymous said...

4th fucking place.


Anonymous said...

I hope Ms. Babble's doing OK.


gee business said...

ding a ling mother fuckers

Daniel said...

rounding out the top 10

Synonymous said...

I was going for a ride but couldn't find my bike. So I'll read blogs instead. Big Twelve!

David Pearce said...

Dear Snobnyc [Pronounced Snobnik; See what I did there?]

That top-of-the-post picture of Fred, Jr., with his eyes mercifully goggled to protect him from having to stare at the scranus of Fred, Sr. in normal daylight, is just priceless, and so, so, so disgusting at the same time! Thank you for that, I guess!

You bring us so much good stuff, I feel bad not paying for it. I think it may be time for you to put up a paywall.

Oh, drat. I guess I'll just have to purchase one of your products printed on actual paper!

JLRB said...

Back of the lead group but I raise my fist pumps in victory anyway because someone has to Somerville!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for reminding us of that ridiculous "Fugazi routine"!!

Yeah, they made great music but Ian MacKaye was a bit of a dickhead.

JLRB said...

Funny stuff today for sure - glad you didn't include the Foil dude in the quiz. Enough of him already (sipping coffee)!

AND today I learned how to show disappointment - bounce a plastic bike on the ground and lay down on the curb.

Euro Spondee said...

Sure we all have fun bitching about the blog, but do you think we are going to wax nostalgic when it is gone?

dancesonpedals said...


love time trial alleycay

samh said...

Product annihilation gold today, WCRM.

ge said...

Underwater inverted ice biking. That deserves an epic moniker. Baronial banjo at least. Slicker than whale shit on an iceflow.

Mario Cipollini said...

Eating pussy.

Fnarf said...

Another question raised by the whimsical epistle is "what the fuck is a 'collared T-shirt'?"

commentator_cima_coppi said...

The reason writers wax poetic and consumers enjoy reading about the bike messengers is they like as history. For those of you'se old enough to remember Roland Reagan's "morning in 'mercuh" it's like that.

Nobody wants to remember it paid worse than Walmart, impressed exactly no one except other dirt-poor messengers.

NYC would surely be safer with more guns.

McFly said...

It would be tough to severe the 2nd hand with the 1st one disembodied.

Never bring a bike to a bus fight.

dancesonpedals said...

you call that bike tossing?

this is bike tossing:

bradley wiggens: nonchalant

bjarne riis:chalant

david byrne: i lied he doesn't toss anything

David Pearce said...

You need to correct a misspelled word in this line from your post:

"So you can find your bike in Amsterdam's famous Train Station Bicycle Clusterfuck"

Clusterfuck is misspelled; It should be Clusterfiet.

Comment deleted said...

I'm *very* excited about the the invasion of France. A second front is critical to ending this horrible war.

Oh, *Tour* de France. Heh, well, that makes more sense.

CommieCanuck said...

Marcel Kittel does not seem to be endorsing his Shimano Di2 system

Blog Drafter said...

Marcel Kittel rocks. I did something similar to my last WeedWhacker™. I predict that Kittel will crash on Juno, place a disappointing third on Omaha but totally storm Gold!

Buffalo Bill said...

I am so happy I won't be relying on the studded tires for at least the next month or so.

jayteepee said...

I've always wanted to do what Kittel did in that video but it was always to someone else's bike.

crosspalms said...

If I were in an office and a courier shot up the elevator, I'd get under my desk pronto.

trama said...


leroy said...

Additional Tour de France spectator question submitted by my dog:

Q. Why did le cien cross the route of the TdF in the Cote d'Or Department?

A. To get to the other side.

B. Six café au laits plus three hours of waiting and the real race is for les toilettes en plein air.

C. To sample the Chassagne-Montrachet and Puligny-Montrachet white burgundies.

D. No reason. It's just what dogs do.

Ride joyfully all! You don't need a reason.

Anonymous said...

methinks the FROLICS should spend their "down" time chasing each other around their non-office naked, spanking each other with feather dusters. at least that would be productive.

ps: thanks for dumming-down the password, the fucking letters were going up my scranus sidesaddle.

dnk said...

A slight quibble with the caption above Quiz Question #7: I don't think that the guy is the photo strapping on his helment is actually the Famous Neurosurgeon Henry Marsh.

To be sure, the linked story in the Telegraph also has an ambiguous caption.

However, the Telegraph story did mention that Marsh "retires in March," so he's probably not the guy in the photo.

[EDIT BEFORE POSTING]. Marsh was born in 1950:

The guy in the photo looks like he was born in 1990.

P.S. Regarding the Telegraph story, "retires in March" is a little weird. The story was published on May 30th. Does Marsh retire in March 2015? Or did he retire three months ago?

CommentatorBot9000 said...

Marcel gets a good bounce with his crapon bike. And it does not shatter on impact.

JLRB said...

Caption for first phot:

(1) My Dad is such an ass
(2) why can't I play soccer?
(3) I'm thirsty, but no way I am reaching through dad's scranus compartment for that water bottle
(4) ring the frolic bell

dancesonpedals said...

hey, leroy..Puligny-Montracet sounds nice, but there's nothing like a good glass of chateau de chasselas

BamaPhred said...

This is one of those snorting-coffee-out-the-nose posts. All I could think about during the under-ice biking off-foffing was wishing there was a bear at the hole waiting for the biker seal to surface. Warped I know, but it's Friday! Rave On Brother Snob, Rave On!

crosspalms said...

Next winter I'll have to remember that the best way to fall on the ice is to do it underwater upside down.

Unknown said...

Is there an email I can send a video to without having to use Outlook?

Fuck Outlook!

le Correcteur said...

This, Snob:

"You know, the world would be a much better place if design douches would use their downtime to take a refreshing nap instead of cramming every waking moment full of bullshit. (Wow, I think someone needs a nap! [Indicates self with thumbs.])."

The combination of utter accuracy and near complete self knowledge: it's the BSNYC patented combo that keeps me coming back!

babble on said...

Happy Friday, Peeps!
Er, did he break through the ice to the air above? That guy is giving us regular bloopers a bad name.

Unknown said...

I don't Outlook, so Snob, here is a link to a dip shit driver sqautting a rider in a designated bike lane.

BikeSnobNYC said...


If you mouse over the email link doesn't it appear on the bottom of the screen?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

PS: An unscrupulous person might use the same method to cheat on the quiz.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

That underwater upside down bike cyclist was not wearing a helment.

Mr Plow said...

Hey that smarting phone says 13 o'clock. What the hell are you a communist?
Also would it be possible to include more David Byrne references in future posts?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Not to nitpick but at my place of employment I have access to industrial foot operated shears and cutters that could easily sever both wrists simulaneously.

P. Bateman said...

i actually dont hate Cippo's bike.

i do think that down tube shape and color make it look like a big ol' dong, but that seems to make sense.

hey - hope everyone has a really fun weekend.

what is with the new captcha? 834 on a mailbox? thats my address? how did it know? fucking NSA/CIA/Google/Captcha conspiracy is happening.

Comment deleted said...

Musing on this 70th anniversary of D-Day, it occurs to me that D-Day is further away from us in time than Custer's Last Stand was from D-Day.

Those under 30 reading this will have no idea why this blows my mind.

[Captcha is "1856", which goes back exactly twenty years too far]

Spokey said...

I knew snobby would lie about question 3 so I intentionally answered it wrong to get a prefectly score.

I think he's bucking to replace Susan Rice as Secretary of Fabrication.

robot also sez 820 thanks for the not only easier but actually doable captcha. He can now sleep an hour later in the morning

Spokey said...


why would you think that anyone under 30 reads this?

I assume they have a full and vibrant life ahead of them. I certainly did those many long decades ago.

Spokey said...

so babs


how's the shoulder?

BamaPhred said...

CD, I'm busy picking up the pieces of my blown mind. Good Call

Unusually Happy David Byrne said...

I dont just ride a bike, I ride a my office. Do you like my footwear?

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

Hate the Drake

Anonymous said...

Erschde hunnert !

Neil said...

In case you missed it: baby's first recumbent Baby beard not included.

babble on said...

Well, my arm is no longer hanging uselessly off my torso, so that's a bonus, but the pain makes sleep very elusive. I am taking more drugs than anyone should ever do, so that's not so good. My resemblence to Rasputin works against me in situations like this.

But such is the life of a crash test dummy. At least I lived to ride again.

Anonymous said...

Where have all the couriers gone?
A few must have gone up commentator _cima_coppi's ass.

Roille Figners said...

WHAT!? Everybody knows the only appropriate hand signal in Cortland is the Ronnie James Dio "devil horns."

BamaPhred said...

The time trial tandem duo have to be the whitest people I've ever seen.

Poor child,it almost looks like a case of abuse. I know, I'm just being critical. Its a character flaw.

Spokey said...

I've tried oxycodone a couple times and as best I could tell, it did nothing. Can't figure out how anyone gets hooked on it. The one thing that did work was when they gave me morphine. That worked fine.

Based on the movies, I've tried copious amounts of alcohol as well. That just turned me from someone in pain to a drunk in pain. Who woulda thought that hollywood would lie to me.

I guess you just have to grin and bare it. Just remember the pain will fade and in the near future you'll be doing stuipid dangerous stuff again with just as much zeal.

the integinh conclusion is that humanity survives despite very high odds agin it.

Roille Figners said...

I have never had even the slightest momentary trouble finding my bike. Not even once, not ever, nowhere, nix, nada, nul, nil, nein, nyet, non, iie, no.


BamaPhred said...

Babs For what it's worth, the fourth day out from my surgery was the worst. No sleep, groggy from meds, cranky, irritable. I was convinced I had done the wrong thing. But from that day everyday got a little bit better, and even though I am riding and back to work and everything is fine, the back still feels a bit better every day. Hope this helps.

Spokey said...

I used to have trouble finding my bike from time to time. But I think at this point, it has given up trying to upgrade its owner.

a coundnmk rose by any other name would still smell

Roille Figners said...

If there's going to be any remote-controls on my bike, it won't be to ring the bell, it'll be to shoot begriming rays in all directions.

Synonymous said...

Babble, no one's allowed to sleep at a hospital; it's a state law or something. I'm sending you all the positive energy I can to help you toward a successful recovery.

BamaPhred said...

And finally, (aren't you glad!) The heat index is 94 degrees, dew point is 74 degrees, the humidity it 72%, and its raining from here to the Mississippi River. Must be quitting time.

Roille Figners said...

Just got back from the pizza counter. The guy's bragging about how he's an honest-to-goodness pizza nerd and has a special culture of wild yeasts he uses to give the dough a bit more complex flavor. I pretended to be impressed and then wet myself, but what I was thinking was "Sorry dude, I wish I gave a shit" and then later "Pizza nerd eh, why not just be a potato chip aficionado" and then "Sadly there are probably potato chip aficionados" and then "I bet he commutes here from Portland."

Epilogue: The pizza was in fact shite.

babble on said...

Thanks guys.
Hydromorphone by injection at the hospital was the best painkiller, certainly better than the oxy tablets. I can take twice the 10 mg prescribed and still struggle with the pain. The ambulance attendents didn't realise the extent of the injuries or they would have sent me to the trauma centre, where the surgery would have been done immediately. Instead I got to wait for three days... that's three days without food, water or sleep, with my arm hanging there, the broken bones grinding with every breath.
Day one after the surgery was brutal, the pain much worse than before, what with all the swelling. Um, and why do they slice all along the clavicle in order to put a plate on it? It's bad enough with the screws! I am here to testify that bones are living things. They bleed, and they have nerves in them.

In hospital they at least tried to knock me out at night with heavy duty sleeping tablets. My first night at home was sleepless cause the melatonin I normally use to combat those sleepless nights was useless against the sum total of pain in this old bod.

Yes. I will be out there, riding to my dumbass heart's content again as soon as I possibly can. Just not today.

Anonyhater said...


tony said...

You do need a nap. I know you hate bike racing now, but weren't you a bike racer just last year?

Comment deleted said...

My best thoughts with you, Babs. Hope the pain tapers off quickly.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Babs, I have some bad news for you.

I, too. tore up my shoulder in a bike race wreck where I endo'd when the peloton came to a screeching halt whilst traversing a railroad crossing which was not denoted in the race bible.

Surgery went fine, and left a neat sliver of a scar, but when they took out the stitches and removed the steri-strips, that precise little scar spread like a dockside hooker.

Hope you don't have the same experience.

babble on said...

you talking to me, Tony? I don't hate racing at all! And no, this is the first time I've tried it. I've held a license all of a month or two now. Fondos don't count. They're fun rides, not races.

Anonyhater? Heh heh. Yes. Do enjoy yourself. Karma's a bitch, ye poor anorexic wee thing, and she's gonna get you. In fact she undoubtedly already has, since the profile of an online troll is ugly in the extreme.

JLRB said...

Babs -

Sorry to read about your pain. My (dickhead in a car induced) busted clavicle had just enough of a thread holding it together to avoid surgery, but I feel your pain

Wishing you a peaceful night of slumber

(and wishing anonyhater a nice endo)

DB said...

Madison for the weekend. Celebrating the Mrs.' end of school year.
Brought the bikes.
Heal up quickly, Babs. Watch the entire Netflix dump of Orange is the new black while on morphine.

babble on said...

WIWM! Oh no!! I am so sorry to hear it!! Did you also shatter your scapula to sever your shoulder completely, or do you just have such good insurance that they were willing to set your clavicle just cause? Here in Canada, land of premmium health care, they just send you on your way with a broken clavicle, unless you've broken the rest of the shoulder set-up, too.

At this point, though, I wear my scars well, and don't really mind them unless they're truly disfiguring. Function is the important thing.

Oh bless your heart. Sending you best wishes, too.

Buffalo Bill said...

Having actually spent an hour looking for my bike in the clusterfeits at centraal station, I can see the value of the remote bell thing. Or else, just remember what your bike looks like. That would also help.

My excuse is the bike was a rental and I had been to a couple of cafes, ok?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Best wishes babs and get well soon.

babble on said...

Ha! Well at least we know the dope is doing its job. Just re-read your comment wiwm, and now realise that your accident wasn't last week. Still sending happy thoughts your way...

and thanks, everybody. I appreciate all of the well wishes. xo xo

JLRB said...

Unknown at 1:23 - Interesting video, but that is no bike lane. That's a Washington D.C. "Bike Share" special - the truck had a right to "share" the lane. Hard to tell what happened before that, etc. so I am not placing blame in either direction. Although I like to think I would have avoided the conflict by keeping my mouth shut and backing away from the multi-ton vehicle, I've vented my spleen at times as well.

I am sure I wouldn't find it funny if I were the cyclist, but the video keeping rolling as the bike gets tossed in the truck is almost up there with the Spin Doctors robbery. And, really, the driver is going to sue him for bumping his big truck bumper with a 25 mm tire? Jackie Chiles on the case!

1904 Cadardi said...


You only think the pizza was shite because your undeveloped palate was unable to appreciate all the unique flavors that the special yeast cultures imparted.

It's just like wine or whiskey where a discerning person can distinguish notes of jam, tobacco, peat or musk.

For example, his pizza may have had subtle variations that to your coarse sensibilities might have tasted like feet. Whereas a true aficionado would differentiate a hint of strawberry, a touch of old leather or the merest whiff of vineagar.

Also, the special wild yeast came from between his toes.

Spokey said...


I disagree

I don't know DC specifics but it tends to have decent regs.

Here in NJ and everywhere I'm aware of there is either a requirement for a 'safe' pass or a requirement for 3 or more feet of space.

I'd say that was an illegal pass by the truck.

Also an agressive driving violation.

Also blocking a roadway (around here you have to pull over to deal with an accident).

Also assault at a min and perhaps battery (would have to watch again for that)

Also theft and possession of stolen property.

Gimme some time and I might be able to come up a few more.

robot sez and olawth should be added to the charges against the truck driver

Roille Figners said...

Carardi - As an avowed improvisateur in all things, I almost played along with him to the extent of characterizing my taste as "coarse" by comparison just as you say. But he didn't actually stop talking at any point, so that line went undelivered. If you join an improvisational sketch comedy troupe with this guy, you can look forward to an easy gig.

Roille Figners said...

Babs what am I gonna do with you?
*arms akimbo*
*shakes head and chuckles*

dancesonpedals said...

we all want to commiserate & give babs advice, but generally a woman who's had a couple of kids has a better handle on pain tolerance than most guys...unless they've had big surgery

my 2 cents...I've had shoulder reconstruction, and years later what makes it feel best is swimming...(utterly useless advice for the present..only for the future when you become a tri geek)

Roille Figners said...

You wanna talk pain tolerance, try this guy's pizza.

badap, chssss

wishiwasmerckx said...

Last week?

My surgery was in 1991, when I was young and fit and fast and had a full head of hair and a flat midsection.

Anonymous said...


You're a bigoted, prejudiced, racist ratfink.

Despite conceding that the Bluetooth bell thing has its merits, you viciously tear it a new one. You even derided one of the Dutchpersons appearing in the video for wearing a Kurt Cobain cardigan, were as it was from the Dutch that Kurt Cobain took his fashion cues including wearing a cardigan which were invented in Holland between the wars and were called van Caadigaahns, as you well know!

Recently, you took the unprecedented step of expressing approval for a kickstarter project. Approval! Actual approval!!

You took it upon yourself to tell the world you wouldn't mind having a pair of some stupid derivative cleated pedal platform things that are stupid because you can just get double sided pedals that negate the need to carry around those stupid clip-on slabs of stupid aluminium which you're gonna stupidly lose or misplace or have stolen. Stupid!

Plus, not only was the Dutchy's video better, they spoke better English and they even included a cute little Candid Camera type thing at the end of the video with the bell mysteriously ringing on an unattended bike provoking hilarious reactions from befuddled passers-by. Boy oh boy, that was funny.

In contrast, your stupid Americans' stupid video was a very poor unfunny stupid comedy routine from its stupid start to its stupid finish.

Racism is the pnly possible explanation for the wildly inconsistent treatment of these two cases in point.

You should change the name of this blog to Bike Racist NYC, and you should change your stupid sign-off signature in replies on these pages to -- Wildcat Racist Machine.


Spokey said...

Anonymous @ 6:07

and he deliberately falsified the answer to question #3.

WCRM is just a marytawi verb

JB said...


ouabacher said...

Size of my excitement ha!

Blog Drafter said...

I didn't know that about Snob, huh, just goes to show ya never can tell.

My last wine sipping event called forth descriptions of burnt rubber, exploded whale, and Mexican field worker piss. It was intense.

babble on said...

I'm sorry, but since when did the Dutch become a race unto themselves?!

Can you say "Satire" boys and girls?

Spokey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Spokey said...

I think it was around the time of that dike scandal.

say what you will but the Dutch have fine paetri Agricultural bieks.

Dave said...

Some notes on painkillers:

Oxycodone - gradually stopped severe kidney stone pain in about fifteen minutes. But those are some long damn minutes.

Dilaudid - after severe injury, for two weeks I had my own Dilaudid dispenser button, which could not be pressed more often than every ten minutes. Worked extremely well for about seven minutes. And correlated with weird visual hallucinations and serious paranoia. Couldn't tell waking from dreaming. And of course the constipation was indescribable, really.

Morphine - the King of Drugs. Stopped severe kidney stone pain like turning off a light switch, and, while my body was simultaneously crying and laughing hysterically, my mind was gloriously rational and floating high above, serenely indifferent to the entire world, including a screaming infant in the next bed.

Curiously, I've never had any urge to use these drugs for recreation.

dancesonpedals said...

I think the angry poster should stop hiding behind his anonymity and show enough courage to use his real pseudonym

Bonery M said...

Babs, I think your reference to a resemblance of Rasputin is just biztsar... unless you're talkin' 'bout

Ra Ra Spoke'n'scene
Canada's greatest love machine
She dank it all and she said "I feel fine"

Bonery M said...

Errr... drank.

JLRB said...


I was disagreeing with calling it a bike lane. I see a one lane road, cars parked on both sides (except to the right of where the video starts - giving cyclist lots of bail out if he chose), and a "sharrow" painted in he road. Not a bike lane.

Not enough video for me to tell who was right or wrong - my prejudice is to presume it was the truck, but I don't know so I leave it at that.
You are correct about DC's 3 foot law

But I can't tell passing distance, and whether the passed bicyclist complied with his obligation to yield once passed, from video either.

JLRB said...


I was disagreeing with calling it a bike lane. I see a one lane road, cars parked on both sides (except to the right of where the video starts - giving cyclist lots of bail out if he chose), and a "sharrow" painted in he road. Not a bike lane.

Not enough video for me to tell who was right or wrong - my prejudice is to presume it was the truck, but I don't know so I leave it at that.
You are correct about DC's 3 foot law

But I can't tell passing distance, and whether the passed bicyclist complied with his obligation to yield once passed, from video either.

McFly said...

I am going to the Washington DC on July 4th-7th then on to VA beach for 4 days. I promise to not kill any DC cyclists and to stare at VA beach cleavage. BEAVAGE. I just made a werd.

JB said...

McFly, the just mentioned the Paris, TN station is the Cardinals affiliate of the day. Isn't that your neck of the woods / nape of the way?

Anywho, I'm working very late, listening to the (slumping) Cards game (triple play!!), and thinking about the Canal Loop.

Drove down I-24 last week, coming back from the Disney World.

JB said...

I'm drunk on caffeine.

McFly said...

Yes sir. We got an Eiffel tower and everything. 65 footer. We are having a youth triathlon starting at it in the morning. I have been tagged as the bike mechanic/mangler.

McFly said...

Speaking of the Canal loop.....they have worked it all winter and its so damned fun and smooth. If the weather holds I am going for Cat 3 glory in the White Lightening MTB race Sunday.

gE said...

I guess if I actually lived in Amsterdam, I'd be all over the bluetooth bell. My North American mindset just can't wrap itself around the concept.

Wow, Anon 6:07 = trying too hard. You'll get that trolling concept down ... eventually ... maybe

Spokey said...


Heard ya the first time.

But if you're going to start using cold dispassionate logic and other commie stuff like that, well then just get the hell off this blog!



it's now in my pictionary


Agree. My recreational drug of choice is
distilled champagne
diet coke and vodka because I can't afford the other two every waking minute

snobby musta put back the hard robot for me cause I outed him on his cheating quizling ways. ingdam which isn't easy after the second diet coke and vodka.

I was right cause I missed the first one. Let's try sopendsf the and see if that works

babble on said...

Ok, so in the first place of the things, OMG Spokey, are you kidding?? You drink that asparatame crap? That stuff will kill you. Stick to straight gmo sugar cola if you have to, or have your vodka with water and a squeeze of lemon (it's great!) but don't drink diet soda if you care anything at all about the girth of your waistline. Just sayin... with love, n'all that.

Secondly, beavage?! I LOVE it! ++

Er, JLRB... yer not a lawyer or anything, are you? You sorta sound like one is all. xo

And Bonery? heh heh...not bad! :D

Spokey said...


Used to drink diet cokes all the time (actually like the way it tastes). In recent years, I've weened myself mostly off (mostly iced green tea these days) and probably 99%+ of the cokes are mixed with vodka.

I thought aspartame mostly killed your brain and I figured "go ahead find some brain left to kill". But I'll take your advice and try to re-balance my portfolio in favor of scotch. As Jimi McMillan says "the cost of that cognac is too damn high" so I have to keep that in the background.

over roasmav is over rated

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Anonymous said...

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babble on said...

Good thinking. Fucks with yer blood sugar that stuff.

JLRB and also heh heh. That caption quiz question is great!

McFly said...

Woohoo times at the triathloning. My chillins got 2th and 3st on the day. Baby girl was rubbin the Tom Cruise Top Gun aviator shades on the podio.....which is nice.

VOR said...

Now I know why road bikes are so light; so the no shouldered road "cyclists" can pick them up.

VOR said...

Great opening picture. It explains how OCD is passed on from generation to generation.

Spokey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Spokey said...


mayo clinic says otherwise on the blood glucose

but they do suggest brain issues for at least some people:

this one from the national institute of health is more suggestive, but it's also close to 20 years old

maybe my no bacon (in fact no pig of any kind) policy will partially make up for my occasional vodka and diet coke. 'specially if i do favor the scotch more.

at least I can still type 2406 (thanks snobby for ending my punishment)

June 8, 2014 at 2:44 PM

Angry Beaver up North of the NSA Border said...

Ms. Babble has returned from her latest adventure into socialized medicine, and as a bonus she received numerous screws while in the hospital. Good for her mental health, those screws are.
Glad you made it through what sounded like a no fun at all few days. Looking forward to rehab pictures taken at Wreck Beach. Best to you north of the border fox.

JLRB said...

McFly - Be careful of staring at bicycling cleavage if you venture onto the MUPs around DC! (Bivage just doesn't sound right)

I'd offer to show you some local rides and beverages but I am heading to a beach chair for the 4th. There are some good spots if you and your apparently bike oriented family are interested...

Babs - You "sound" like your feeling a bit better?

Spokey - What does the Vodkaclinic say about Mayo?

babble on said...

LOL! Yeah, sure. And for years, our venerable medical professionals also swore up amd down that anti-depressants were the solution to all that ails every sad soul, though common sense says it isn't so. Now it has finally come to light that it really isn't so, but you don't hear the industry (don't kid yourself, it's a business) proclaiming the truth in the streets, do you?

Fact is that there are several real things you can do to combat depression,concrete steps to take to balance your brain's chemistry, and they don't involve SSRI's. But that's not what western medicine wants you to believe.

There is nothing in asparatame that your body needs. Nothing. Ever noticed how many fat people drink diet soda? It doesn't help to keep you fit, and it certainly won't help trim your waistline. I promise. I was a child of the asparatame generation, and I certainly gave it a go. My body was abundantly clear in its feedback, and that's where I place my trust.

But like everything else, moderation is key, I suppose, and you're certainly an intelligent grown up with an understanding of his own physiology, so trust your own experience and instincts. And remember take note of the feedback your body gives you.

babble on said...

JLRB - still stoned on painkillers, but finally I slept today, from six am till nearly noon, so that's a result!

Spokey said...

for being stoned on meds you're making mighty cogent responses

It's a great day today here in snobby's scranus. Nice warm, a little breezy at times.

So do you know how long before you can do little hop back in the saddle stuff?

babble on said...

Already the Electra is a helluva lot easier than walking! My best friend switched the grip shift from the right side to the left, so that's a go. But the doc said three months beofre I can go out on my roadbike again. I will be on a trainer indoors soon as possible, but this is a tough mend.

I am so akbassward. All winter I was out there, riding to my heart's content, while everyone else was indoors on trainers, and here we are in the peak cycling season, and lo and behold you will find me indoors spinning uselessly...

wishiwasmerckx said...

Babs, I assume that you realize that you need extra calcium whilst your bones knit back together. I recommend oyster shell supplements.

DB said...

Babs: couldn't download Orange is the New Black, so watched entire season of Endgame on Canadian TV. You make good TV up there.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Faheem Zia said...

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McFly said...

I am sure your best friend wants to keep your grip shifting as seamless and fluid as possible.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Not feeling any schadenfreude over babble's injury. But just the thought of an avid cyclist who has a tendency to crash is funny. Humor aside, seriously, from a strictly selfish point of view...I fear for her safety. And I curse the Internet for that.

babble on said...

It IS rather funny... I'm like Wile E Coyote on the Road Runner.
Don't fear. It's not good for you.

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