Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Wednesday: Your Job May Be Mandatory, But Giving A Crap Is Optional.

Well, it freaking snowed last night, which is a major setback to my carefully curated spring training program, because how the hell am I going to win back all my my Paris-Roubaix course KOMs from Niki Terpestra?


It's oddly inspiring that the so-called "Queen of the Classics" has been relegated to the status of Strava segment.

Not only am I worried about my fitness (I'm supposed to peak for the Wildcat Rock Machine New York City Anti-Fondo, register here), but now I'm also worried about whether or not all my quick release skewers are overdue for replacement:


This of course is a completely insane thing to worry about, even by Lennard Zinnian standards, though the responses from the various manufacturers are pretty hilarious:

From Shimano:

This is more complicated than it might first appear.

As you’re aware, due to the extreme variables in usages and conditions among users, Shimano does not provide fixed periodic replacement recommendations on any non-wearing components. While I’ve personally never witnessed any of our skewers break, my suggestion is to inspect it periodically and if it looks visually flawless, continue to use it for the life of its matching (original) hub/wheel. When replacing with a new hub or wheel, it’s probably safer not to reuse the old QR.
— Wayne Stetina
VP of R&D, Shimano American Corp.

Translation: it's actually not complicated at all, and to be honest we've never even thought about it, but now that you mention it, yes, you do need to buy new skewers.

Anyway, now that the bicycle industry has discovered a new and lucrative source of Fredly anxiety, expect articles about the dangers of mixing hubs and skewers from various manufacturers in every major cycling periodical within the next six months.


Expect my Kickstarter campaign for a $250 quick release fatigue-checker soon.

Use it before every ride.  Or die.  It's your choice.

Meanwhile, bro-duder dude-bros are still bro-duding and duder-bro-ing around in the mountains on their stupid track bikes:


Apparently these are the last four bro-dudes on the entire planet of Earth who have not yet heeded the entire Internet's advice to get a freaking road bike already.  These four stragglers aside, it's remarkable how quickly the fixed-gear fad spun itself out and moved on to bikes with brakes and gears.  I choose to attribute this to the elegant simplicity of the bicycle as a machine--which, for all the overpriced crabon gewgaws and Kickstarter nonsense, leaves little room for affectation.  The simple fact is that you can only ride up and down a mountain pass on a brakeless track bike so many times before you're forced to admit you're an idiot, and that the entire enterprise becomes infinitely more enjoyable with the simple addition of a few hundred grams of componentry.  Remember this doofus?


You gotta figure that by now even he has realized that by the time you skid through eight or ten high-end Contis you could have paid for some pretty decent clicky integrated brake lever-shifter thingies like the ones they use in the Tour de France.

Anyway, the aforementioned duderbros are featured in a video that someone "Tweeted" at me, and I couldn't watch the whole thing because it made me physically ill:


WE WERE NEVER BORN from Dosnoventa on Vimeo.

We were never born, huh?

If only.

As far as 21st century quasi-rustic overly fashion-conscious douche-wallahism goes, this bears all the hallmarks, including staring slackjawed at a fucking tree like you've never seen one before:


("Whoa.")

Directing your friend in the stupid flat-brim hat's attention to the same tree:


("Whoa.")

Pointless whittling serving only to dull the expensive knife you wear on your belt as an affectation:


(Uh, if you need something pointy, why not just use the fucking knife?)

And of course asymmetrical haircuts:


("Hey dudes, don't worry, I'll be done with the useless pointy stick in just a few more minutes.")

Not to be outdone, flat-brim brodude starts chopping the shit out of a log with an artisanal axe:


I know there is no god, because if there is he would have chopped off his foot:


Also, granted I'm no outdoorsman (I prefer my woodland adventures to include handy access to shopping malls), but I think that wet log is going to make for some pretty shitty firewood:


("Isn't this [cough] great [cough] [cough] [sputter]?")

Which I guess is why they just said "Fuck it" and used the fireplace back at the hotel instead:


It's not all dudes and bros, though.  There's also a token female whose only role in the video is to be sexually assaulted in the woods:


I think the word "hipster" officially became obsolete when they finally all morphed into fraternity brothers in slightly different clothes.

After that it's all panties and bikes, including the obligatory "cyclocross" shot:


What he's doing with that bike is the equivalent of what the other guy was doing with the knife.

Ultimately, I had a hard time figuring out exactly what the video was trying to sell me, which is a shame, because if I ever unwittingly buy any product featured in it I'm going to chop off my own foot with an artisanal axe--and I do, thanks to Rivendell, have an artisanal axe:


(I think it's this one.  Or maybe it's this one?  'Cause I don't think it's this one.)

Maybe I'll even use it one day, if I ever get more than 500 yards away from a shopping mall.

141 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm a jerkoff!

le Correcteur said...

first!
Nokshon are

Rudimentary Peni said...

In a quick release of anger, Snob skewers the cycling industry yet again.

le Correcteur said...

Third?

can soosati

Vernal Magina said...

Scranus.

le Correcteur said...

Podium at least!

2738 9684229

BikeSnobNYC said...

Rudimentary Peni,

Love is not Lennard Zinn's lies.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

pavel m. said...

top ten

Anonymous said...

Top twenty fuckers!




Gurrorx 2nd grade privateer nana booboo

Kenny said...

Sure would be nice to have some fondo-related artwork. Maybe drawn with a crayon and featuring a bike pump and an aerodynamic helmet?

It would make all these spams I keep getting worth it, to know that I didn't just give out my email address here in the comment section for nothing. :-(

Rudimentary Peni said...

Snob is love, Snob is life.

Seriously, though. My SO bought me this 10" "camping knife"/machete for Christmas and I still haven't figured out what to do with it yet. I agree with you wholeheartedly about most people carrying blades as an affectation. I wield my mailbox key as deftly as most friends and co-workers utilize their Gerbers and Benchmades to open their Amazon packages.

Dudeman said...

Ten! WCRM response doesn't place!

Anonymous said...

Thank you! Asymmetrical Hair, that's great!

This is a sign that we can no longer mock stupid people. When I was a kid if you did something stupid or looked stupid we pointed at you and laughed. This I believe kept people from looking stupid later in life and actually helped them.

Today that is called frowned upon and this is what you get.

Lol

McFly said...

Did anybody catch Terp's smokin' hot Danish Ginger wife? He also gives Cav a run for his money on laid back interviewee.

Anonymous said...

Being I ride a 1986 raleigh competition, the skewers are older than most of the people who write about cycling. And you know what? They've done more real work and will last longer.

cycle

RoadQueen said...

Top twenty. Going to go read, as if I give a crap.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Kenny,

Ohmygod! Right! OK, I'm sending it.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Blitespeed said...

Dude,..... Trees!

Anonymous said...

So epic I took the train !!!

vsk

Anonymous said...

funny one today. It is amazing to me that out of all of the guys / girls who were in and made this video not one of them said "hey duders, don't you think this is kind of douchey and makes us all look like a bunch of pretentious fey posers?"

My '76 Masi's skewers are approaching 40, maybe time for a change?

CommieCanuck said...

oh come on Snob, better safe than sorry with skewers. I always carry a couple of spare skewers in my jersey pocket, as well as:
bottom bracket
breaks
extra pedals
three seatposts
a DVD of 2006 Fleche Wallagne
DVD player
1400w Honda generator
nose hair trimmer
i.e the essentials.

Basically, the rule of thumb for Velonuws readers is buy more and frequently and buy at lest three. Two of anything is for Freds.

Winter is Coming said...

the walkway on the GWB was covered with a 1/2 sheet of ice today. Fucked up my morning ride. Mother Nature you are indeed a saucey mistress.

Anonymous said...

As Tullio Campagnolo said "if she looksagood, you puttem on, if she looksabroke you no usse !"

vsk

CommieCanuck said...

I'm sure the discussion of skewer safety will go one for at least 30 pages on Beikforums, and conclude it's all gone wrong due to the communist Chinese and when we stopped making murican steel skewers in Pennsylvania. If you don't carry at least 3 extra skewers in your Rapha fanny pack, you deserve to die.

Meanwhile, I gave my new fork dropouts a lawyer labiaplasty this week.

ken e. said...

kenny & WCRM -check out raffi's latest tour poster, crayola all the way

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I bought a pair of titanium skewers. They're the last pair I'll ever have to buy.

McFly said...

$174 for a fucking axe? I have a Stihl 017 that costed $179.99.

Granted, that was in 1999. But still...........

CommieCanuck said...

Lenny's column reminds me of the aluminum frame era, when people were convinced all those Cannondales were going to asplode in 600 miles, somehow ignoring the 100% use of aluminum in wheels and cranks for the previous four decades...then Lenny would pipe up about aluminum fatigue, quoting numbers from pure elemental aluminum, which of course has never been used in bikes.
I'm on the fence about skewer safety, like many things, I won't decide until I hear from Jenny McCarthy's educated perspective.

Anonymous said...

At :55 seconds that Hipster Douchumentry should turn into some soft porn. She looked game.

CommieCanuck said...

The Velonews article has a great quote from Tom Ritchey:
Structurally, I’ve never seen a Ritchey skewer fail in fatigue. So personally, I would only be looking for any degraded functionality as a reason to discontinue use. However, you will want to follow the manufacturer’s recommendation.
— Tom Ritchey
Founder, Ritchey


Translated:

Whatever, it's a fucking skewer, stop spamming me Lenny.[insert legalese to cover my ass]

Fred of the Sea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Comment deleted said...

Should I not have drilled out my skewers? Damn, that was a wasted 10 micron drill bit.

Fixies are dying because brakes, freewheels and gears are really excellent inventions. Duh.

CommieCanuck said...

and from Le Mavic:

The CPSC norms even say that the skewer should leave a permanent footprint on the fork/frame dropouts (which is not possible on titanium dropouts!). If those grooves are worn out, they will not ensure that grip and permanent footprint.

TITANIUM FRAMES WILL KILL YOU.

g. said...

Well, I had asked a question about the lack of Berber carpet in that axe shot, but apparently the powers that be found that too inflammatory and deleted my post.
That, or I screwed up posting it.

Anonymous said...

Long life to the venerable Shimano QR!!!
The only one carrying the Campagnolo tradition!!!

Right now is best time in history to start a product-project!
Milleniums buy anything!
Look at those pedals from yesterday, you have to be a complete joystick not to see the flaws.

Then again, they are marketed to people don't know how to SPD!

People don't know how to SPD are the analphabets of the bike world!!!


-MojoMaujer

Fred of the Sea said...

Yes indeedy. Mock all you want, but the implication was that at least one of the duder-bros was getting some quality poonage (rhymes with bougienage). That's not something you take lightly at my age (rhymes with Cabot-Lodge).

babble on said...

Oh fer fuck sake. Skewers were the one thing I didn't even look at. Cheers for that.

Ben said...

The only thing that could have made that video worse is, well, nothing. It was already as nauseating as it possibly could be. The only thing that could have made it better is if they all had dangerously old skewers on their bikes and crashed off a cliff to their deaths.

Regular guy said...

Good Lob, I have an old Shimano skewer with a newer Shimano hub on my bike right now. I had to swap out my rear wheel last week due to spoke failure. Please calm my fears "pro mechanics", am I going to die on my ride home?

This is what I kept thinking to myself while watching that video. Only made it halfway through. Was there a point to it?

Fre Unchio said...

I like this line from "The Doofus"

"Cycling to me is like meditation. Riding a track bike keeps me on the ground, focused on the moment and connected to the universe - with no questions left to solve."

On the ground like this guy, and with a few big questions on your mind. Like, will I walk again? am I really a doofus?

babble on said...

Wow! I thought I was over-doing it a bit with an average 369 km/week, but Terpestra is at 779! Huh. I totally suck. He is doing that in 21 hours, whereas it takes me 17 to ride half as far. But I embody Stravadouchewallahism.

Commie. Thanks. Way to make my day.

Biking the Live Fantastic said...

Dosnoventa is laughing all the way to the bank. The mindless video seems to capture the zeitgeist of many young people who are as lost and self-righteous as their parents. "God is gonna cut you down" sums that up.

DB said...

Some comments:
I've spent several minutes looking for Snob's cat in the Axe photo. No cat. You don't think.........?

Was that Jared Leto in the Hipster Deliverance Movie?

Wet smoke cloud was hilarious.

McFly said...

You put enough kerosene on anything and it will burn. Lil man had a bday dealio Fri night and the brushpile (Yes...everyone in Tn has a brushpile)got drenched so we fueled 'er up.

We thought we were gunna hafta move the trampoline. We used to call it the jumpoline. Until my neighbors wife got on it.

Roille Figners said...


From Shimano:
This is more complicated than it might first appear.


As with all lies.

I like the skewer strain checker though. Sorry fatigue checker. Better still, why don't we go all "structural engineering" on your buttocks and hook up some muh-fuggin strain gages and tensiometers to everybody's QR skewers, and have it send real-time data (Bluetooth of course) to a COCKpit readout.

Fred of the Sea said...

The pointlessness is as essential to the manufactured, veneer authenticity as the washed-out colors. Introducing an explicit purpose would bring all that vague romance into apposition with the real world. To wit, the world of jobs, uncool people, and plastic things.

DB said...

You are on the short list for COD, McFly.

DB said...

That Dude on the cover of the Bicycling magazine is probably wearing 600$ worth of clothes.

Anonymous said...



if i have ever seen game, that was one game dame

wle

Edward said...

Massive eye-roll when I saw him chopping through that giant, rotten log like that. Seriously, don't stand on the fucking thing while you're chopping it. And with that 'ax' you'll be chopping till judgement day - get a freaking saw.

Anonymous said...

As things typically progress, here on the opposite end of NY State fixies are still grownig in popularity. Every two or three years a new cache of 19 year old breakless daredevils take the streets while last years fixie kids hang their bikes up for good as they realize that they cannot grow back new knees and collarbones.

Roille Figners said...

Rather than "chopping wood," I would describe that activity as "chopping at wood."

And Asymmetrical Haircut Boy has what a friend cleverly referred to as an unsustainable hairstyle.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...McFly, never again will i take jumpoline classes unless your neighbor is signed up.

DB, that comment can't be topped... give it to him.

Dooth said...

The We Were Never Boners are like zombies but only dead-er.

Anonymous said...

A more interesting hill-bombing video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iO7_Fq56g2c

Fred woo-hoo speed is now 124km/h?

Dooth said...

The We Were Never Boners are like zombies but only dead-er.

Roille Figners said...

"The pointlessness is as essential to the manufactured, veneer authenticity as the washed-out colors. Introducing an explicit purpose would bring all that vague romance into apposition with the real world. To wit, the world of jobs, uncool people, and plastic things."

Indeed! A world where people chop wood because it's fucking cold out. And where you actually have to keep going with your spindly little-girl arms until a piece sufficiently small for your fireplace is separated from the rest of the trunk! Nobody sees the romance in that? Sheeeit.

Fred of the Sea said...

Unsustainable hairstyle. That IS rather goodish. Tramp-o-line, too, if I say so myself.

Dooth said...

Pardon me, my captcha says I...

cannot sysidiev

DB said...

I agree RetroG, but it's early and Commie is still out there.

Needs A Life said...

I was looking at Fred Flintstone's car that he drives and was wondering how the rear wheel (roller) stays on. There must be a quick release skewer that I can't see. If there is it must be time to change it.

Ps. I think Betty is hotter.

McFly said...

What can I say.....the woman can give you a pointer when it comes to bouncin'.

Anonymous said...

Pro Mechanic here. I don't even have to use quotations around "Pro".

In the 25 years I have worked on bicycles, I have NEVER had to replace a Shimano skewer on a wheel because of "loss of functionality" or otherwise.

I once broke a shitty, Trek/Bontrager QR on my horizontal dropout equipped frame. It had to be run overly tight to keep the wheel from yanking forward out of the slots.

Yes, I almost crashed, as I was mashing the pedals from a dead stop at a red light.

I replaced it with a Shimano one.

Don't over-tighten your QR, and you won't fucking die from "old-fashioned" quick releases.

The end.

Axleman said...

I've got nuts, or should I say that I run solid axles on some of my bikes and they've got nuts. Funny thing is though I've broken three solid style types axles over the years and never had any problems with my skewer style ones. Mind you when they fail the wheel just starts rubbing on the chainstay or fork and I live on to complain about it .

leroy said...

My dog borrowed $200 to register us for the BSNYC Anti-Fondo.

He says I get to be our team captain and wear the official BSNYC anti-fondo team captain jersey.

He'll just wear his jersey that says "I'm with Stupid."

Can you still call "on your left" if the arrow on your jersey points to your left?

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

Heh heh. Trampoline... yep, that's hard to top, even for Commie. Hell, the rest of you dooders aren't exactly slouches, either, but credit where credit is due.

Still. You never can tell where we'll end up, and it's early hours yet...

andycigarettes@hotmail.com said...

Hi!
We read your journalism quite frequently.
Today we are massively hung over.
That video is everything that this hangover is.
Cough. shit pants. Forget basic writing rules.
So. What? Oh yeah, thanks for that I guess. It fits in nicely today.
Love from Hipster Village, Oregon.

Regular guy said...

That's it then, liberal arts graduates "discovering" things that a lot of us see and do on a regular basis in the course of living our lives.

In their precious, over-protected youth these things become awe-inspiring. Unfortunately for those of us who are subjected to their oeurve, maybe they lacked the kind of fathers, mothers and grandparents who could have showed them the what, why, how and where of using handheld cutting tools.

Thus we get a guy standing on a wet log hacking at it between his feet with an axe and we're supposed to think it art.

Not to be all retro-grouchy.

Anonymous said...

Next time you ride at "Woo Hoo" speed, imagine that your front skewer is overtightened and is about to snap like a chewed-up drive-side spoke that was maimed after you took off your plastic spoke protector.

Makes your ride way more exciting.


Anonymous said...

Axleman: Solid axles are not usually made of heat-treated steel alloy, and the tubular nature of a QR axle actually makes it stronger.

Also- solid axles, found on bikes with freewheels, are not supported as close to the exterior of the hub shell/dropout, which means they bend and break more easily.

What have I done with my life?

Regular guy said...

A solid axle....
What you get when watching the neighborhood milf jumping on the tramp-o-line.

So far no one but the kids on ours, might have to have a BBQ party.

DB said...

Headed for OHare.
McFly=COD.
Untoppable.

Logbig said...

I've actually broken a skewer before. QR head came off and the skewer shot out of my bike like an arrow. It was a symptom of my freehub body on my XTR hub coming off and seizing the axle. Life's tough sometimes.
I was fine, thanks for asking, as I was wearing a helmet. I didn't fall or anything like that but you know, the helmet helped.
Now I replace my QRs whenever I break them. Which so far has only been once. Good policy though to replace broken ones.

I also used an axe this weekend. Mind you it was while I was doing yardwork. I don't think I looked nearly as cool as that guy in the video randomly chopping a huge log. Perhaps next weekend I can try again with a new artisanal axe instead of my dad's old one. And some new clothes. Apparently chopping wood in old clothes isn't cool anymore. Does Rapha make wood-chopping attire. I do like Rapha.

Axe A Silly Question said...

Enough of that futile hacking and hewing! The four bro-duder dude-bros should get Paul Bunyan to join with their merry troupe, though it might be a challenge for them to teach Babe how to master the skills of fixie riding.

Regular guy said...

From the pre-cassette rear hub mountain bike days:

One advantage to having quick release hubs was that when your axle broke, and they all did, the skewer kept things together so you could limp home. A solid axle allowed the stays to spread thus spilling bearings out or worse.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Leroy,

Thank you for your $200 deposit!

The balance of $800 will be due at the start line.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Fred of the Sea said...

I once broke a Nuovo Record crank arm and nearly almost died. The part I can't understand is no one told me to change it. Really, people, you can't be too careful with this bike stuff.

Regular guy said...

One time, the rusty handlebar on my old Schwinn two speed kick back broke in half while I was riding back from the Dairy Queen with a sack full of Dilly Bars. I almost died. Really, someone should have told me to replace them, but at the time I was the pro mechanic and should have known better.

babble on said...

LOL! Actually, I did hear dire warnings of the dangers posed to my safety if I continued to ride on my right royally fucked-up cranks.

And I did almost do a faceplant a few times when my cleat let go this week, though that's obviously my bad, cause really, it's just a bonus having a pedal that hangs on like that.

Axleman said...

Thank you Anonymous @ 3:02. You see, I do learn something about bikes here and not just the sexual perversions of all the usual suspects. Excuse me please though because I think my nuts need to be fiddled with yet again.

CommieCanuck said...

One time, the rusty handlebar on my old Schwinn two speed kick back broke in half while I was riding back from the Dairy Queen with a sack full of Dilly Bars. I almost died.

You forgot the important part, DID THE DILLY BARS MAKE IT?

CommieCanuck said...

Turns out Russian cyclist are as bad as car drivers

1904 Cadardi said...

IAAMI,LZIAI (I am a metallurgical engineer, Lennard Zinn is an idiot)

Steel does not fatigue under continuous load, be it tension or compression. Metal fatigue happens under cyclic loading. The term they are looking for is creep, which isn't going to happen to a skewer. Ever.


P.S. My oldest skewer is a steel Campagnolo jobbie from about 1984. 30 years of continuous use and you know what, it still works.

P.P.S. I've raced against Lennard Zinn back in the day, his bike was always falling apart.

P.P.P.S. Lennard Zinn used to paint bikes in his basement. You could tell it was a genuine Zinn paint job by the embedded black Newfoundland dog hair.

CommieCanuck said...

And I did almost do a faceplant a few times when my cleat let go this week, though that's obviously my bad, cause really, it's just a bonus having a pedal that hangs on like that.

For fuck sakes, rent out your Vancouver tool shed for a week and buy a Venge.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Regular Guy, you reminded me... on a ride with a colleague, i noticed his wheel wobbling wildly, i offered to fix it for him... and on releasing the QR, i noticed his axles had snapped in half... damn right, he was riding with just the QR holding his hub together...

...all those fixie kids need to change their solid axles for QR.

Regular guy, alias Urslyie Cofactor said...

Commie, I will defend the virtuous Dilly Bars 'til my blood runs out.

Miraculously, I managed to stay upright and out of traffic, I and the Dilly Bars were unscathed. Praise be to Lob.

Last Chance 4 Gas said...

One day I was riding my Argon 18 Krypton with Campagnolo Centaur components, Schwalbe Lugaro tires and a BBB stem when suddenly, without warning, I broke wind... I almost died. Someone should have told me the burrito was a bad idea

CommieCanuck said...

P.P.P.P.S. Leonard Zinn is actually a dwarf and photoshops all his pictures just to sell bikes to tall freaks.

Regular guy said...

I raced against a guy who was a real proto-Fred, always changing this or that with the latest what-not. His bike always fell apart, too. I told him he needed to:

1. Learn to work on his bike.
2. Set things up correctly and let them get in a groove.

Fred of the Sea said...

Cadardi, I always though it was crevice corrosion with stainless bits.

In June I and six other Freds will trust our autumnal lives to a "bike" from the 1980s in a hilly, 800 mile "classic". Too old for any splintering crabon, but plenty of dodgy aluminum, including one important vertical piece about 55' high, held up by equally sketchy steel. At least if we go down during a sprint, we won't take out the pack.

Regular guy said...

All heed the warning of Last Chance, broken wind can be deadly. Guy ahead of me on a long steep climb broke wind something fierce, left those of us behind him gasping for air.

Funny thing is just before this happened, he gave us all the look.

babble on said...

Right? And with a Kitsilano tool shed, I could even spring for top of the line components.

Heyyyyy... you could do with a little West Coast pied a terre. When can I expect you?

Jams said...

there is a shortage of scranus here today.

Scranus, Scranus, Scranus.

you're welcome.

Focus503 said...

I don't know about that ax but the greatest hammer I ever put a swing to was a 16 oz Titanium Stiletto with a curved hickory handle. Beautifully balanced like a fine sword, with all the apparent driving force of a hammer twice it's weight.

If i'd have called it 'artisan' the roofer to whom it belonged may have beat me to death with it and buried me under one of the condos.

babble on said...

Regular guy - well, it might have given him a rocket launching boost!

Mr Plow said...

I have a dedicated wet rotting log axe.

ge said...

I, for one, am releived to know that Niki has legitimized his Paris Roubaix™ win by posting it to Strava. Because, if it's not on Strava, it didn't happen.Mind you, he didn't use a power meter, so it's probably all an elaborate hoax anyway.

FWIW, if you're using those new hollow skewers Snob was talking about a while back, you should replace them after every ride.

Andy Cigarettes? More like Andy Awesome! No, not really, just felt like typing that for some inexplicable reason.

NOSTRAVANOFACEBOOKNOPROBLEM

ge said...

Commie - So it's true? I always suspected that of little Lenny.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Ton up by lunch time on the left coast. Impressive. Let me add to the anecdotal by saying I broke a skewer once, but I was just putting the wheel back on after fixing a flat, so there was no harm done except to my feet on the long walk home. It was a cheap piece of shit to begin with I think, and was at least ten years old.
Meanwhile in the Grauniad, style (in the first photo) and lack of style (except in the photo). Which would you rather embody?

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CommieCanuck said...

you could do with a little West Coast pied a terre. When can I expect you?

Last time I was in Vancouver I looked at a condo, I stepped into the tiny elevator and asked the lady, "do you know which floor the model suite is on?" She said, "I don't know asshole, get out of my condo".

from the low 600s.

McFly said...

RG @ 2:55 said it so eloquently. We had a wood stove and a garden growing up and I shall never want either. TO THE WHOLE FOODS!

CommieCanuck said...

Commie - So it's true?

It's all true, I was outing Rob Ford as a fat fuck before it was cool.

Lenny uses the Photoshop "NBAize" filter.

wishiwasmerckx said...

100th!

Captcha wants to know: "Who yeekstd?"

1904 Cadardi said...

Fred of the Sea,

You're right, crevice corrosion could lead to a failure, but the VeloSnooze article referenced fatigue. My campy skewer isn't stainless though, so I'm not too worried.

But, if you over-tightened your QR skewers, repeatedly several times an hour it would be possible to create a fatigue crack in, ummm...carry the 2...uhhhh, just before the end of the universe. Give or take.

Always amazing the shit people worry about.


Ugaitz Etxebarria said...

Why are you surprised? those guys are from Barcelona, and everybody there wants to do exactly the same things people did in Brooklin 6 years ago.

crosspalms said...

I've never broken a skewer, but I cracked a smile at trampoline.

babble on said...

Oh man, that girl always had style. I love the shoes she has on with the "OMG it's so tight how can she possibly walk?" dress. I prefer to ride in shoes like that... :)

Um, and thank God we've finally reached Peak Beard.

Regular guy said...

I'll take style any day. I do currently have a bit of a beard, but this quote from the beard story has me reaching for the razor.

“negative frequency-dependent sexual selection”

Besides, my barber participated in a "beard off" event today with the local pro hockey team across the street. I got three hot dogs and a pack of Bic razors for free, so I guess the beard is a goner.

babble on said...

What? You have a problem paying half a million dollars for a broom closet? They keep saying we're headed for a correction, but even when the rest of the world corrected, we didn't.

Mind you, when I lived just outside London ten years ago, people were saying exactly the same thing about property there. (Someone even sold an old 250 sq ft broom closet in Kensington for a couple hundred thousand pounds!) In 2008 some of my friends over there lost as much as 30% of the value of their property within the span of a few weeks, though, so clearly anything is possible.

Regular guy said...

I've never broken a skewer, but I cracked my manubrium on a trampoline doing an errant back flip.

Who even knew they had one?

grog said...

How often should i change my spoke nipples?

Fre Unchio said...

Grog, nipples should be changed when the spark is gone.

Anonymous said...

Fre Unchio,

You know what they say: When you've seen one nipple, you want to see them all.

Regular guy said...

Ugaitz, that explains it. They're from Barcelona

Tight Wad said...

Once I was trying to get some replacement Campagnolo parts for my bike that had worn out and I broke the bank. I almost died. It seems the axles are not the only that can be skewered.

Anonymous said...

Lance "how to" http://player.ooyala.com/iframe.html#ec=l0cGgzbTp6pXWkTaybT4CznmWMTvzEl2&pbid=MzMyN2JkYjc5ZWFlOTg1N2FkMjk5MmI5&docUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nsmb.com%2Ffix-flat-lance-armstrong%2F
fix a flat tire.

Does not line up the label with the valve stem....

And here's how wee willy one nut does it in a race scenario
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WNIb6Ik2zc

babble on said...

Really, when you think about it, we're all just lucky to be alive. Plain and simple and as obvious as the nose on your face.

It's a dangerous world out there, especially for cyclists. You never know when your crank might give out on you, but you DO know that it will surely happen when you're giving it everything you've got, and when it does, it'll prolly kill ya.

That's the contrarty nature of life in action.

dancesonpedals said...

I had an accident from skewer failure...but I wasn't hurt.

On a short steep pitch, I stood up to dance on the pedals. The rear skewer slipped, the rear wheel shifted & wedged against the seat stays. I was stopped dead ibn my tracks, couldn't unclip & fell to my right in a ditch...on top of some recently raked leaves. On inspection, the cheap internet skewer's teeth were worn down. Why was I riding a $10 skewer? I killed the original item that came with my bike...I had it on loosely to hold the cassette tool in place & destroyed it while turning the tool with a wrench (spastic move)..I bought a second-hand shimano at one lbs, that was stolen a year later at another lbs when I got a wheel rebuild...they gave me a campy skewer that hurt my hand, so I bought a nice cheap one with a broad flipper that didn't hurt when I pushed on it. Spend 20 bucks, get a decent one. Don't find yourself upside down in a ditch.

Fred of the Sea said...

My crank has given out on me when I giving not quite everything, but it was humiliating, anyway. Fortunately, my wife blamed it on herself.

Roille Figners said...

The leaves were a pretty lucky break though ay?

Regular guy said...

I have to say that the stills selected from that Barcelona back to nature motorcycle gang flick have a vaguely arthouse axe murder film vibe to them.

Maybe I'll watch it at home, all the way through and with the sound on.

1904 Cadardi said...

dances,

"Don't find yourself upside down in a ditch."

Good advice why should avoid cheap skewers or even cheaper Tequila.

Roille Figners said...

^
|
|
L--

Fre Unchio said...

On the upside, with the tequila you might find yourself gettin' down with the #itch.

Skew'er, I say.

Regular guy said...

Anon @5:11

Lance is looking a little gray there, stress must be getting to him.

I think I'd have a bit of trouble fixing a flat in the last 6 miles of a 100 mile race with a storm trooper wanna be hopping around pointing a camera at my every move.

Goes to show you, always practice fixing a flat, don't wait 'til it happens. Have what you need and know what you have.

McFly said...

I miss Lance. But I am a neoFred. My bike came with salsa. Pretty nice. And tastes great.

BamaPhred said...

I broke my skewer and now I can't even wank. Gotta be a blues riff there.

Maybe I need to rub some valsgn gallus on it.

Mr Nofish said...

You didn't add the "eat this..?" part, right? an incredibly suggestive thing to put on a front page.

Rob said...

Terpstra stole my Kemmelberg KOM during 3 days of Depanne two weeks ago. What an ass.

Anonymous said...

First, you must determine if the threads on your skewers are rolled or cut... Your LBS can perform this simple inspection for only $10 per skewer.

I'm surprised bike component manufacturers haven't adopted the Bell Helicopter philosophy, EVERYTHING is life limited. Replace after N-million cycles. No questions asked. Your front skewer goes thru more cycles than the rear, especially if you drive your car everytime you go for a ride. Freds around here drive 30 miles roundtrip to go on a flat 10 mile boring bike ride on a trail. Just think how much safer that QR skewer would be, if you didn't put the bike on a roof rack everytime you go for a ride.

Kent Johnson said...

Classic form today! Laughed my head off. Now to check my mismatched vintage skewers..

ge said...

Finally clicked on that we were never born vid. Apparently it's not a dayglo abortions video. Huh. Then, for the first 60 seconds, I thought I was sitting through a Molson Canadian beer commercial I couldn't skip past. Turns out it just went downhill from there. Well, unless the end was really awesome, because I didn't make it that far.

Vlad said...

Dear Bikesnobnyc from Dubrovnyc.
What does "wallahism" means? Is it related to the word "valach" which is an ancient name they used to call Romanians like me? (It comes from the same indo-european root which gave "Wales" and means something like "foreigner").
Secondly, it is with the utmost respect that I dare to have the insolence to ask you: why are you putting down fixed-gear bikes so much? Sheldon Brown loved them and recommended them. If the fixie fad wanned, it is because people are too attached to their comfort, and prefer the artifice of gear shifting to using their muscles and will power to climb a mountain. But if wanted to climb a mountain the easy way, I would lease a Hyunday, to quote yourself.
Fixed gear are not that bad. They used them a lot in the first 35 tours de France, and it is my belief that introducing the derailleur in the said Tour de France was just the beginning of the savage quest for efficiency that ultimately led everyone in this sport do dope them selves, and ruin it for us all.
That being said, I'm not at all against gear-shifting. It is a good thing, especially for the elderly and the disabled, but not only for them, for everyone who wants to enjoy a ride without having to sweat or contract their muscles. It is a brilliant invention, actually. Some of my best friends AND my wife ride geared bikes. I, for one, ride a fixed gear, and love it. Why can't we all get along?
Respectfully and with a deep reverence,
Vlad from Bucharest

BamaPhred said...

At this moment, words fail me. Some people just suck.

Anonymous said...

I used to know a good time girl that would hang out like couch girl. One minute we are drinkin and tokin then she would have her tits out. Then be giving a little head. Then Hutch puts his hand up her shorts. Then she is giving 2 heads. Once everyone was intrigued she dropped the panties and announced "Let's go...I ain't sucking all 4 of you fuckers off."

Recently obstructed bowel said...

I disagree - it is mandatory to give a shit - at least once daily

Anonymous said...

When Steve Tilford passes only a concrete bust of his lungs shall remain. Because science.

JLRB said...

Commie - is the third QR skewer in your jersey pocket a status skewer?

Bama - that is messed up - I hope that bitch has to sell her precious car to pay off a big fat civil judgment

ge said...

Anon 9:31, I only read BSNYC for the comments, I don't look at the pictures.